I sat at my desk, passively watching an HBO documentary on Elizabeth Homes. I say "watching" loosely. My mind was currently on my new job…. and boss. What am I going to do? I thought while nibbling on my thumbnail. How am I going to tell Daddy I got the internship?... How am I going to tell him I can't have kids?
My eyes scrolled out of my window; it was dark out- getting late. I wonder what Mr. Grey will have me do? What does a CEO need a PhD candidate for anyway? Ah, who cares; it's money and I won't be there long. I'm sure it won't be horrible…. hopefully. I think I liked who Mr. Grey was. Sure, he was hot and rich, but that combo is nothing new to me. But I liked his character…. He seemed to genuinely care for me, even if he was a little overprotective.
My train of thought was broken by my phone buzzing on my desk. Curious, I checked to find a message from Paul. [Paul: Come outside. I'm at your place] Huh! Well what do you know? This was so like Paul; he wasn't into formalities. [Ana: K, coming] I threw my phone onto my bed, grabbed my keys, and headed downstairs. Paul was waiting for me right outside my front door; his hands buried in his pockets and his jacket open. He looked at me, though didn't smile.
"Hi, Paul. What's up?" "What happened at the hospital?" "Uh…? Oh, right! Nothing; no, I'm fine," that was the second time that tricked me up today. I don't know if I'd ever tell him about my condition; it's very, very personal. "You sure?" He pressed. Why wouldn't I be sure? It was my body, after all. "Yes." "Good- here," I blinked astonished as my friend proceeded to hand me this weird, black, brick-like thing. I wasn't quite sure what it was at first sight. When I didn't take it, he gave it a small jiggle.
"It's a taser; I want you to carry it at all times." "A… taser? Don't you need like a permit to carry one of these?" "Don't worry about that. We had some at the office; everyone knows who's getting it. Just take it; take it and keep on your personal always, ok?" "Uhhhhhhhh, ok? Thank you," I finally took it; was heavier than expected. "Keep it, but don't get yourself in a situation where you need to use it, understand?" "I understand," my hands lowered, and I flashed him a grateful smile. Of course, he didn't mirror my expression; I think "stoic" was Paul's default mode.
He stared at me for another moment before tisking and giving his head a shake; his eyes scrolled off in the distance for a second. "Are you really alright, Ana?" "Yes, Paul; I'm perfectly ok." "Don't do that again." "Do what?" That was a stupid question. Paul just turned back to me, meeting my puzzled gaze. "Don't scare me like that." Oh! Maybe it wasn't a stupid question. When I didn't reply, he let out a sigh, running the palm of his hand over his face. "I nearly had a heart attack when I heard. You're driving me crazy…."
Paul… My lips parted the tiniest bit. "I'm telling you, Ana; Paul likes you. It's so obvious to everyone." Could she be right? Could Paul actually have a thing for me? But…. no. He always acted so serious and mad with me; I was more like a nuisance than a crush to him. He couldn't possibly like me like that; I would know…. I think I would know.
"Thank you, Paul, for this. I promise to keep it on me, but I'll try my best to not be in a senecio where I have to use it," I grinned over at him. This man…. Paul, my friend; even if he didn't like me that way, he was still precious to me. He was a loyal, close friend; I could trust him… Well, with almost anything, anyway. This precious fellow just blinked back to me with an aura of confliction; I think he was debating whether he should stay longer or not. With one last head shake, he sighed deeply.
"I have to get back to work; this is technically my break." "You're on break now?!" I gasped. He came all this way from the station just to give me a taser? Awe, that's so sweet; so….. out of character for him. No, that's wrong; Paul was always sweet- just in his own, unique "Paul" way. He didn't smile much but he didn't have to; I knew he cared. Everyone did.
"I'm heading back. Remember your promise, alright?" "I will; thanks again." "No need. Now go back inside; don't forget to lock your door." Oh god, why did I have to be attracted to dominate men? It made me melt inside when he said stuff like that, though it wasn't at all romantic in his eyes. "Ok! Have a safe night," I waved at him as he took off down the street. When he was gone, I smiled down at the taser in my hand. Yes, Paul is kind… he is a good friend to me. If friends are all he wants to be, I'm alright with that; just so long as he stays nearby. I want him near me….. I don't care how; I just want him in my life.