"Daddy! Daddy, it's time to wake up!"
My eyes softly opened; I once again found myself laying in the endless green valley. I brought my hand up to my eyes, giving them a soft rub. "W-where…. where am I?" "You're in heaven." That voice- I know that voice….. My eyes fluttered opened again to see my faceless angel smiling down at me with the softest of eyes.
"Did I die?" I asked her without really caring right away. "Only if you want to. The choice is up to you, my husband," she gently ran her slender, perfect hand over my hair. "I see…. and what will happen if I stay?" My eyes lowered at the bright blue sky high above us. When she didn't reply, my eyes shut again. The next thing I remember, I was gently being nudged by something- what felt like a small hand.
"Daddy! Come on, get up Daddy!" I know that voice too…. I saw a small boy beside me; he wore a great big smile across his cute, pale lips. "Teddy…. Teddy," my hand reached out to stroke his cheek; he felt so warm and sweet…. "Let's go! I wanna play!" He gently tugged at my hand. "Alright," smiling brilliantly down at the child, I sat up. Then I looked around the world made of white clouds to see only us. I picked Teddy up into my arms.
"Where's Mommy?" I then asked him. Teddy gave me a bit of a confused face. "Mommy? Mommy's still on earth, Daddy." "Huh?" My smile began to fade. On earth? Does that mean… does that mean that Anastasia's still alive? My Anastasia? The Anastasia from my reality? "What's wrong, Daddy?" Little Teddy blinked up at me, still puzzled. "Uh, it's nothing. Daddy's just thinking about Mommy; that's all." "Don't worry. She'll be with us one day," Teddy tenderly patted my hand. So I was right, she is still alive…..
"Teddy, can you tell Daddy something?" "Uh huh," his little head nodded obediently. "Have you… have you been here all this time… by yourself?" Teddy watched me perplexed for a moment before nodding. "I came to heaven eight years ago," he told me; this child was not eight- he was like four years old at most. Wait, eight years… Why eight years ago if he's clearly not eight years old? My eyes began to grow in understanding. Now I remember… Anastasia gave up Teddy for me…. when she got stabbed. Teddy was never born in our universe; he exists only in heaven. That's how I was able to see him before; he's still our son but… but he won't be joining us on earth because…. because….
"Because I can't get pregnant."
Teddy blinked in surprise as tears weld up in my eyes. "Daddy? Why are you crying?" "She won't join us until she dies… Anastasia," I whispered to myself. Anastasia…. Anastasia… If I stayed here with Teddy now, I'd be leaving her alone back on earth. I wouldn't see her again until… More tears. Anastasia, no…. Anastasia, I can't leave you like this; I can't wait that long. I can't be apart from my wife, my angel….. not like this. She's my wife….. She's my wife.
I flinched at the sensation of Teddy taking hold of my hand. My eyes shot over to this beautiful soul in my arms; he was holding my hand so tightly, so tenderly. "Daddy?" "Sorry, Daddy was still thinking…. uh, Daddy was thinking….." I was thinking how much I want her near me, beside me- forever. How I'm not ready to part with her. But… Guilt started to swell up in my chest as I stared down at this little boy, my son- the child of Anastasia and me.
What about him? Will he feel like I'm abandoning him if I go back? I don't want to hurt him either… "Theodore?" "Yes?" "Would you…? Mommy's alone on earth; she's alone without Daddy." Teddy's eyes scrolled out into nowhere thoughtfully for a minute; he was considering the situation. "Mommy's alone? Is Mommy lonely?" "I'm afraid she might be," I answered my son honestly. He gazed back up at me with all the tenderness and kindness only a child could achieve.
"I think… I think you should go back to Mommy. I don't want her to be lonely….. and I don't want you to be sad, Daddy." "Oh, Daddy's not sad, Teddy! Daddy just wants us all to be together- here together," I gently patted his head. The child's eyes shown bright up at me. The next few seconds were a few of the best in all my existence. His stare preciously lowered onto mine; his pale lips parting a sliver. "Daddy…. I love you." My eyes grew in utter amazement. Just like his mother, Teddy was willing to give so much. I knew what he meant; he told me to go to her- to go to my eternal wife. He'd be waiting for us; both of us on that faithful day. And in the meantime…. "Daddy loves you too, Teddy- very much."
And with that, I took one last look at my son before I was transported back. I wouldn't see him again for another fifty years.