I never realized what a Catorade-friendship fan I was until I wrote this chapter. And now it's all I can see. This is still a Jori story.
Disclaimer: I've sorted through everything I own, which isn't a lot, and just couldn't find Victorious anywhere. Must not be mine.
Jade couldn't believe she had said that. That she'd actually admitted it, and then blurted out such a stupid, sentimental explanation. It had been an afterthought. She had told Tori what she asked. She had answered her one allotted question. There was no need for Jade's hand to fly out in a panic to stop the door from closing. There was no need for her mouth to start trying to speak when her brain was screaming at it to just shut up and stay closed. But she had. And Tori had just nodded, looking at Jade like they had both accomplished something. Tori looked… proud of her, almost. Jade's hand slammed against the steering wheel as she waited for the traffic light to turn green. She couldn't even think about the way she felt when their arms brushed in the theater, or how much effort it took to control her features and keep up a stupid conversation with Cat while her foot had been… what? Flirting? Was that flirting? At first Jade had just kicked Tori to get her to stop blatantly staring at her like some lusty prepubescent. And then it was funny to watch Vega try and figure out who was kicking her, so Jade kept doing it. But then Tori realized, and they'd…
The light turned green and Jade hit the gas. She couldn't think about it. She refused to let herself think about it. But she didn't want to go home, because she knew all she would do was think about it. Dammit, she needed a distraction. She was driving on auto-pilot, her mind plowing on at a hundred miles an hour while her eyes and hands and feet reacted instinctively to the road. She was actually surprised at where she had ended up as she pulled into a parking space on the side of the road. Jade sat there for a few minutes, just staring out into the darkness. Fuck it, she figured as she turned her car off. She was already there; she might as well get out.
There was a concrete path lit with small lampposts. They weren't that old even though the paint was chipping off; they just looked like something from the thirties. Purely aesthetics. Jade's boots sounded heavy as she walked through the park. She passed a few empty benches, a couple which were filled by sleeping figures bundled in far too many clothes. She wasn't even really paying attention to where she was walking, just sort of going with her feet as they followed her memory. It was exactly the same as she remembered it. Darker, because it was a Saturday night instead of a Sunday morning, but the same. The tree was a little bigger, its branches hanging a little lower than they used to. And there weren't any ducks in the pond. She was glad about that. Jade dropped into the grass at the base of the tree, feeling the bark scratch against her jacket. She crossed her legs and her fingers started pulling up grass. Individual blades at first, but then entire clumps with dirt hanging off the bottom. Her hands were going to be filthy. She threw a clump out into the pond. It broke the surface, sending rings rippling out as it sunk. The water looked black as the ripples faded and smoothed out. Jade wondered how deep it was. She'd never been in, because it wasn't meant for swimming and her dad never would have let her go in. But she had the urge to. To just strip down and wade out into the water and see how deep the blackness actually was. She was pulling off her jacket and standing up before she even realized it.
Apparently the pond was actually pretty deep and really fucking cold. Jade was shivering the whole way home, her clothes damp from her wet skin and the heat from the vents blasting on her bare feet. She parked in front of her house, barely pausing to notice that her mom's car wasn't in the driveway. She was probably out on a date or something, Jade thought as she went into her house and dropped her boots next to the front door. She climbed the stairs and pulled her jacket off, tossing it onto her bed when she walked in her room. She quickly stripped off her shirt and jeans, leaving them in a damp pile on the floor. She went to her closet and pulled out a change of clothes and then headed off to the bathroom. Jade turned the shower on as hot as it would go and took off her soaking bra and underwear. There were bits of grass and mud and god knows what other disgusting things plastered all over her body, standing out in stark contrast against her pale skin. She slid open the door to the shower and stepped in, her body immediately heating up and relaxing from the water's warmth. The jump in the pond and then the hot shower after had done exactly what Jade had hoped they would. She was distracted, her mind was clear, and after drying off and changing into what counted as pajamas for her, she climbed into bed and fell asleep almost straight away.
She spent Sunday morning in front of her laptop just staring at the first draft of her screenwriting paper. Her eyebrow was arched, the only visible sign that anything interesting was on her screen. Jade was a little impressed at what Tori had written. It was only a first draft, and obviously certain parts needed to be fleshed out, but… it actually wasn't bad. Jade dug through the stack of notes on her desk and after finding what she was looking for, started working on the second draft. It was a couple of hours later that she closed her laptop and leaned back in her chair, deciding she was finished for the day. She raised her arms over her head, enjoying the feel of her muscles stretching and the slight crack of her back. She dropped her arms down, her hands falling to her thighs. She had no idea what to do next.
She knew she should probably work on that song that was due at the end of the week. She hadn't even started on it, and she still had to write and record the whole thing. She wondered, briefly, if she could just bribe Andre into writing it for her. He probably wouldn't do it, but maybe if she threatened him? Jade's eyes drifted to her phone on her bed, and almost like a sixth sense had gotten her attention, the screen lit up, a small chime telling her that she had a text. She pushed her chair back and crossed to her bed, cocking a hip out to the side as she picked up her phone and read the text. Cat was bored and wanted to do something. Deciding that she still had the rest of the week to write the stupid song, Jade agreed to pick her up in an hour, as long as Cat thought of something not boring to do. Cat responded saying that she would think of something and Jade abandoned her phone on the bed again while she got dressed. Jeans, tank top, plaid shirt, done. Jade didn't understand girls who agonized over their wardrobes. Sorting through choice after choice trying to decide what to wear. If you kept it simple, limited your options, it was easy. After all, they were just clothes. Jade went to the bathroom, casting a disgusted look at the pair of boxers that had materialized on the floor. She had no idea where they came from, and she really didn't want to know. She stepped carefully around them and started on her makeup. Eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, lip gloss, done.
Jade took her license from her purse and her phone and shoved them into her pocket. She grabbed her jacket and her keys and headed downstairs. There was an envelope taped to the wall next to the front door with her name on it. Jade grabbed it and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans, not bothering to open it. She knew what it was. Jade's mom wanted absolutely nothing to do with her dad after the divorce. Or, surprisingly, his money. So Jade got everything he was obligated by the courts to pay. It's not like Jade wanted the money either, but if it meant she had her own transportation and could afford to go to Hollywood Arts, then so be it. It was the biggest, and pretty much only, contribution her father had in her life. Money. She shoved her boots on, laced them up, and left. Her mom's car was in the driveway and a motorcycle, one of those crotch-rocket street bikes, was parked on the front lawn. It must have belonged to her mom's latest conquest.
"Asshole," Jade grumbled to herself as she crossed the small lawn between her house and the street. She unlocked the door, got in her car, shoved the envelope in the glove box, started it, and drove off. It didn't take her long to reach Cat's house. Jade pulled up outside and honked her horn several times. She saw the front door open and Cat step outside, wearing a light pink sundress. Jade grabbed her jacket off the passenger seat and tossed it into the back. She looked up just as Cat was opening the door. But the back door opened as well. Jade had a fleeting moment of panic that Cat's insane brother was joining them, but as her head whipped towards the back, she was greeted with a sight almost worse than that.
"Tori was bored, so she's coming too, kay?" Cat said cheerily as she got into the car.
No, Cat, that was not fucking okay. Tori smiled as she climbed into the backseat and Jade turned back to the front. Say something, she told herself. Tell her that it's not okay and she needs to get the fuck out of your car. Tell her to stop smiling at you in the rearview mirror like that. Tell her. Say something. Anything. Oh my god, just make words. "Fine, but Vega's paying for gas." Wait, that wasn't what she meant to say. "Where are we going anyway?"
"We were thinking Santa Monica?" It was a statement, but Cat's voice had this way of making everything sound like a question. "It's so nice out today and I haven't been to the pier in forever." Jade nodded. She could deal with the pier. She could deal with Cat. She could maybe deal with Vega as long as the girl kept her word and didn't bring up any more absurd questions or concerns. "Um, Jade, my house isn't Santa Monica."
"When Vega buckles up, we will leave," Jade said slowly, shooting Tori a pointed glance in the mirror.
Tori sighed and put on her seatbelt. "Happy?"
"Ecstatic." Jade smiled sarcastically, getting one in return from Tori, and shifted the car into drive. They hadn't even reached the end of the street when Cat started up the first car game.
"I went to the beach and I brought-"
"Cat, I don't want to play that one."
"And I brought," Cat continued, ignoring Jade's interruption, "the Alamo!"
"You can't carry the Alamo to the beach," Jade grumbled.
"Just play, Jade!"
Jade sighed heavily. "Fine. I went to the beach and I brought the Alamo and… Bambi's dead mom."
"Jade!" Tori screamed from the backseat as Cat gasped in horror.
"I told you I didn't want to play." Jade kind of enjoyed the glare Tori was shooting her, but Cat looked like she might actually cry and Jade's soft side reared up. "Whatever. I brought a banana then."
"I went to the beach and I brought the Alamo, a banana," Tori said pointedly before leaning forward and placing her hands on the back of Cat's seat, "and a cat in a basket."
Cat giggled and immediately cheered up. Jade glanced at the two of them, Tori still leaning forward and grinning at Cat's wide eyed and excited expression. They were too fucking adorable for their own good. Jade frowned and looked away. The game continued until they reached 'K' and Jade froze. There was a moment of panic while she wracked her brain, but Tori was grinning, leaning forward and waiting expectantly to see if she lost the game, and all Jade could think of was kissing. Which you couldn't just stick in your pocket and take to the beach. Although, if she could- "Kaleidoscope!" Cat jumped at how loud Jade's voice was and Jade tried to play it off with a nonchalant shrug. Tori was on the verge of hysterical laughter as she tried to continue.
The game ended when Cat reached 'S' and couldn't remember half of what had come before. And then she'd gone into a slight panic, because they were so close to the end of the alphabet, and Tori calmed her down by starting up another game. Luckily they reached Santa Monica before it was finished. "Just park at the mall and we can walk to the pier."
"I know where I'm going, Vega," Jade snapped.
"Really? Because you just missed the turn."
"I meant to!"
It was several more minutes before they were parked and walking away from the car, Cat skipping along in front of them. "Bambi's dead mom, Jade? Really?" Tori asked once Cat had gotten far enough away that she couldn't hear them.
Jade shrugged, twirling her keys around her finger. "What? It starts with a 'B'." Tori rolled her eyes and jogged forward, away from her. Jade kept her pace steady, watching as Tori caught up to Cat and linked their arms together. Jade titled her head to the side. Pro: Vega could actually keep her word. Jade was relieved that Tori hadn't said anything about the night before, not that she expected her to in front of Cat, but it was still good that she didn't throw questions at Jade the first chance she got. She was also extremely relieved that neither of them had asked about the whole Beck thing. Because Jade wasn't sure she could answer. Her whole life had kind of been thrown in upheaval when Tori stepped back into it, and Beck had just kind of gotten pushed to the side while Jade sorted through more pressing issues. She probably expected him to still be there, to stick around like he always had, when the dust settled. It was weird knowing that he wouldn't. But the air was still thick and Jade was still waiting to see how everything would land. The dust hadn't settled. And thoughts about Beck were still on the sidelines.
Cat looked over her shoulder and waved at Jade to hurry up. Jade shoved her keys in her pocket and rolled her eyes, walking faster. She shouldn't be feeling relieved yet. The whole day was still in front of them. Plenty of time for Vega to fuck it up.
Cat got excited the second the Ferris wheel crept into her line of vision. She was bouncing down the sidewalk, pulling Tori along, chatting away happily. Jade was a few steps behind them, wishing she had brought sunglasses. "You're coming on the rides, right?" Jade blinked and glanced at Tori, who had sort of a halo effect as Jade's eyes adjusted from staring at the sun. "You can't go to the pier and not go on the rides," Tori stated, looking over her shoulder at Jade.
"Oh, Jade never goes on the rides," Cat said quietly.
"It's more fun on the ground watching people's faces and listening to their screams of terror as they plummet to their death."
Tori stopped walking, turning fully to face Jade as Cat let go of her arm. "What? Screams of terror?"
"Yes," Jade said slowly, "as they plummet to their death."
"No one's going to die."
"You don't know that. Someone could."
"Wait, are you hoping that someone dies?"
Jade blinked slowly, her arms sliding to fold across her stomach. "Maybe."
"Are you-" Tori turned to Cat and raised a hand to point at Jade. "Is she always like this?"
"Pretty much," Cat shrugged.
"Huh." Tori turned back to Jade. "Interesting."
Jade didn't like the tone in Tori's voice or the glint in her eye. Any hint of a smirk that had been on Jade's face vanished. She watched as Tori hooked her arm through Cat's again and started walking. Tori was walking fast. Jade didn't like that either. She picked up her pace when Tori bent down and whispered something to Cat. Who giggled and nodded and Jade ran to catch up to them. "Whatever you're planning, Vega, stop."
"Me?" Tori asked, all faux innocence as she batted her lashes and laid a palm on her chest. "I'm not planning anything."
"How dare you accuse Tori like that," Cat said, mimicking Tori's expression.
Jade had a bad feeling. A very, very bad feeling. "I drove. I can leave you two stranded here, you know that right?"
"Of course," Cat said with a nod and a sincere smile. Jade's forehead creased. She didn't trust either of them. And if it wouldn't result in Cat crying her eyes out, Jade just might've turned around right then and there and gone back home.
They reached the pier, Tori's arms still linked with Cat's, and walked through the entrance to the rides and games. Cat and Tori skipped off towards one of the ticket booths, Jade keeping a safe distance between them and herself. She wasn't sure what they were planning, but she knew Tori was planning something. And of course Cat would go along with it. Which made them both dangerous. They set off from the ticket booth, but Jade caught the teenage boy peering around the edge of his stall, watching as they left. "Hey, creeper," Jade said, snapping her fingers as she walked by to get his attention. "You better enjoy the view while you still have eyes." She shot him a pointed look and gave a satisfied smirk as he slunk back into his booth. Cat and Tori had already thrown themselves fully into the games and Jade hovered behind them as they moved from stall to stall, trying to win prizes. She was surprised it wasn't more crowded. The weather was gorgeous, she could hear the roar of the ocean at the edge of the pier, it was the perfect day to be there, but there was hardly a crowd at all.
"Jade! C'mon!" Cat called, waving an arm in the air as Tori jogged off somewhere else. Jade sighed and raised a hand, showing she heard Cat. Cat nodded and ran off after Tori, Jade keeping an eye on them as she tried to catch up. When she finally reached them, Tori had a giant stuffed frog tucked under her arm that was almost as big as Cat, who was pointing wildly and looking thrilled. "Oh my god! Jade! Look what Tori won! Isn't it awesome?"
"It's something, alright," Jade said slowly as her eyebrow quirked. Tori had a huge grin slapped on her face. "Vega, you look like you just figured out how to shit gold."
Tori's grin slowly slipped. "Jade, that's disgusting."
"I wish I could poop gold! Could you imagine?" Of course nothing could squash Cat's good mood, not even Jade cussing.
"It would probably hurt, kitten," Jade said calmly. Cat just laughed and grabbed Jade's left arm, pulling her along as Tori walked beside them. Cat was pointing at everything, her face lit up with wonder. Jade glanced to her right and saw that Tori had the frog cuddled against her chest, her eyes shining almost as brightly as Cat's. A smile was tugging on the corner of Jade's mouth. She tried to fight it, force her face to remain passive, but she just couldn't. "I feel like a babysitter right now," Jade grumbled, only barely holding back a laugh. And then all trace of humor was gone, because Cat had tightened her grip on Jade's left arm, and Tori had snuck a hold on Jade's right, and they were marching her straight towards one of the rides. "No. No!" Jade tried to dig her heels into the planks of wood beneath her feet, but the girls dragging her along were surprisingly strong.
"It's just a ride, Jade," Cat said lightly.
"Like a really big swing," Tori added.
"No! These rides are fucking deathtraps!" There was a conspiracy. There must have been, because Cat and Tori marched her right onto one of those fucking boat things that swung like a pendulum, and the ride attendant just smiled at them and pushed the bar over their laps. "No! This is kidnapping! Let me off!" The attendant looked confused for a moment, but then Cat giggled and did some weird, flirtatious hair flip wave thing at him and he was grinning like an idiot, walking over to a different seat. Sometimes Cat was as innocent as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field. "Oh come on!" Jade pulled at the bar across her lap but it didn't budge.
"Jade, calm down."
Jade blinked and looked down at her hand. She couldn't see it, because Tori's was wrapped around it. She raised her eyes and gulped. Tori was looking at her, a slightly amused, mostly reassuring smile tugging at her lips. "Relax. It's just a big swing."
"I broke my arm on a regular swing. A big swing will kill me," Jade pointed out. She tried to sound stern. She tried to sound pissed off. She tried to sound anything but terrified. But there was a weird thumping in her chest that couldn't have been her heart, because her heart never beat that fast. And there was a loud groan from the ride as they started to move, but she couldn't look away from Tori. And then Tori's fingertips were gliding across Jade's palm and slipping into the spaces between Jade's fingers and Tori was squeezing her hand. And Jade had no idea why her own fingers were squeezing back because she certainly didn't tell them to.
"Trust me, Jade. You'll be fine." Tori had that look again. Like she and Jade had just accomplished something and Tori was proud of them. Of her.
The ride actually wasn't that bad and Jade felt pretty stupid afterwards, not that she let it show. As soon as they came to a stop, Jade stood up. There was extra weight at the end of her arm, though, and when she looked down she saw she was still holding Tori's hand. She let go immediately, of course, because there was no reason for the comforting gesture now that the ride was done. Tori's brow furrowed but she didn't say anything as they all got up and walked away. Jade's hands found their way into her back pockets. Tori gave the giant frog to Cat, who named him Sir Hops-A-Lot, how original. Cat walked between the two of them as they roamed out of the amusement park and onto the main pier. Tori stopped walking and leaned over the railing to look down at the ocean. Jade averted her eyes because Tori's shorts were really tight. Cat giggled and pulled Jade over to the railing anyway. "I'm really glad we came here today," Cat said, her face split in a grin as they all leaned on the railing. Jade was leaning on her elbow, trying not to look at the water because she loved the beach but hated the ocean, but that meant that she was mostly just looking at Tori, whose head was thrown back, her eyes closed, looking for all the world like she was the happiest she could ever be. Cat must've seen something in the water because she ran across the pier to the railing on the other side.
A lazy grin spread across Tori's face and Jade couldn't stop the smile on her own. One of Tori's eyes cracked open. "Like what you see?"
Jade slapped her poker face back on and shrugged as her mind-to-mouth filter mysteriously vanished yet again. "It looks like you were thinking about jumping, which might be cool to watch. We are pretty high up." She gestured vaguely out towards the water, never actually looking at it.
Tori just chuckled lightly and ran her hands through her hair. "Okay, Jade."
"You guys!" Cat called, running back over to them. "I was standing over there," she pointed, "and I heard a growling noise and I thought it was a whale but it was just my stomach."
Tori laughed and Jade rolled her eyes. "Cat, do you want to get something to eat?" Cat's vigorous head nod was all the answer they needed and they set off back down the pier.
They found a little café with picnic tables outside and Jade saved a table while Cat and Tori went inside to get food. Jade poked Sir Hops-A-Lot in the side. "You're a weird lookin' amphibian, dude." He was cheaply made; his stitches were showing everywhere and one of his pupils was slightly bigger than the other. Jade tapped a finger on his plastic eye and then turned him so he was facing away from her. "Freaky frog," she muttered to herself. She hated having to wait. Waiting was boring. She pulled her phone out and poked the screen. Not really doing anything, but trying to look busy. She opened the Slap. She had a bunch of notifications that she ignored. She had a text message from Andre asking if she'd started her song yet and did she need help. She didn't answer. She had a game where she had to take care of some fake fish. They were all dead, floating at the top of the virtual tank. "Oh, cool," Jade said, poking the screen as the fish rippled in the water.
She had this thing about death. It was more an interest than a fascination, really. She'd had it ever since she was a kid. It just intrigued her how something could be alive one minute, and then not the next. How you could have a firefly, glowing and floating around inside a jar when you went to bed, and then just a dead bug stuck to the bottom when you woke up in the morning. How a bird could look so solid, so free, when it was flying, but crumpled up and still, the feathers of its wings in disarray, it just looked frail and weak. People were the same way. Full of life and energy and that glow that made them real, but then still and cold and looking like they might just be asleep. Jade didn't really understand it, but she wanted to. She figured that if maybe she could figure out how things died, she could figure out what it was that kept them alive. Kept them glowing and soaring in the sky.
"They have french fries!"
Jade's head jerked up as Cat flopped down on the bench across from her.
"We got so many french fries," Tori said with a laugh as she sat down next to Cat. Holy shit they did. They had four baskets between the two of them.
Jade shoved her phone back in her pocket and watched as Cat started eating. "Hungry, are we?" She reached out and picked a fry from one of the baskets. She bit it in half and watched as Tori picked up a ketchup bottle, creating a pool in the corner of one of the baskets. She picked up a little plastic cup of something white and dumped it on top of the ketchup. "Vega, that's disgusting."
Tori grabbed a fry and started swirling the mayo and ketchup together. She covered the fry in it and held it out to Jade. "Wanna try? It's delicious," she said in a sing-song voice. She was grinning, waving the fry back and forth in front of Jade.
"I will pay you to get that out of my face."
Cat giggled and Tori just popped the fry in her mouth with a mumbled "Your loss." Cat and Tori ate, Cat occasionally stopping to pretend to feed Sir Hops-A-Lot. Jade just sat there, drumming her fingers on the table and stealing the odd fry or two. "So what do you guys wanna do when we're done?" Cat asked, pushing aside an empty basket as she started on the next. Jade shrugged and Tori just looked up at the sky.
She swallowed and looked back at Cat. "We've got a while before it gets dark and we are at the beach."
"Oh my gosh," Cat said hurriedly, "sand castles!"
"You're not five," Jade snapped at the redhead.
"Come on, Jade, loosen up. I'd love to build a sandcastle with you, Cat," Tori said with a smile. Cat grinned and Jade slouched in her seat. She was getting agitated, but she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the sun. They'd all been wandering around for a couple of hours with nothing between themselves and the sun except open sky. Maybe she needed a nap, she thought as she grabbed another fry. Or maybe, she thought as Tori caught her eye and smiled, she needed something else entirely. Jade frowned and looked down at the table. It was weird. It was too weird. Tori Fucking Vega refused to be labeled. Jade had thought she sorted the problem after Tori's first week at Hollywood Arts. Jade had worked really hard, thinking more than she ever really liked to, to sort out where Tori Fucking Vega fit. And then with a shrug and a jump off a swing, Tori had leapt right out of the box Jade had stuck her in. And instead of just staying put so Jade could stick her in another one, Tori had gone and run off. And Jade felt like she was playing catch up. Like they were in a weird game where Jade was it and just couldn't tag Tori.
A hand was waving in her face. Cat's hand was waving in her face, the girl's eyes wide and her mouth stretched in a grin. Jade blinked. "What?"
"You ready to go? We finished," Cat said, pointing to the empty baskets that used to contain food. Jesus, had those two really eaten all those fries? Jade stood up and saw Tori shrug out of the corner of her eyes as she and Cat got up from the table. Jade shook her head to clear her thoughts and started walking away.
Half an hour later, Jade was sitting in the sand with her legs crossed next to three pairs of shoes and a hideous stuffed frog. Tori was chasing Cat around down by the water. They were laughing, Cat's cries growing louder and more excited by the minute as she stopped suddenly and ran in the opposite direction, shooting right past Tori. Tori stumbled in the sand and continued in her pursuit. "Fuck," Jade mumbled. "Watch out for the waves!" She screamed, Tori's hand brushing off her concern the only sign that they even knew she was there. She was their fucking babysitter. They were like children who didn't even care that their guardian was getting pissed off at them because they were at the beach and kids don't give a damn about anything when they're at the beach. "I'm serious! If one of you falls in and gets wet you're not allowed in the fucking car!" Tori stopped and turned. Even from that distance Jade knew she was glaring at her. And then Jade barked out a laugh, because Cat ran up behind Tori and tackled her to the ground. Little Cat Valentine, in her pretty pink sundress, full on tackled Tori Vega. Tori face planted in the sand and Jade heard the 'oof' that escaped her upon impact. Cat leapt up and struck a victory pose, one hand on her hip cocked out to the side and the other arm raised in triumph. Jade had to applaud that. There was no way she couldn't.
"Good job, Cat," Jade said, not even hiding her smirk as Cat ran over to her.
"I won!" The petite redhead cried out as she dropped to her knees in the sand next to Jade.
"Yeah, yeah," Tori grumbled as she walked over and plopped down. "You win this round, but I'll get you back." Cat giggled and poked Tori's side and Jade watched as Tori fought, and lost, to hold back a smile. Cat kept poking Tori, seeming to find a sensitive spot, and Jade just arched an eyebrow as the two girls got into a tickle fight in the sand.
"This is like a frat boy's wet dream," Jade said flatly, turning her head to look in the opposite direction. And, sure enough, there were a couple of guys not too far away, throwing a frisbee half-assed between them, their eyes darting towards Tori and Cat every few seconds. Jade shook her head and looked away. She'd have to go out of her way to tell them off for perving on her friends, and they weren't really annoying as long as they- Whoa. Jade blinked slowly as the gasping laughs calmed down next to her. Cat was her friend, sure, sometimes she was more like a pet, but Jade liked her well enough. Tori, however, was not her friend. Jade wasn't sure what Tori was, but she wasn't whatever Cat was. Cat was defined. Jade knew how to label Cat and the redhead accepted it. Tori was… "Fuck!" A burst of sand flew in front of her as Tori ran back to the water, Cat stumbling after her. Tori was a nuisance.
Jade pinched the fabric of her shirt between her fingers and shook the sand off. She brushed at her stomach and legs, trying to get the little grains off her jeans. "Vega, I'll kill you!"
"Gonna hafta catch me first!" Tori threw her arms out in a challenge and then bent over as Cat wrapped her up in a hug. Jade huffed.
"You aren't worth the effort!"
"Okay, Jade!" Came Tori's reply as the two girls dropped to their knees and started digging their hands in the damp sand.
Great, Jade thought, they were actually going to build a sand castle. She stretched her legs out in front of her, crossing her ankles, her eyes staring at the groove created in the sand from where her knees had just been. She tilted her head and looked down the beach to her left. She could see the pier, and it seemed to have picked up after they left. Jade could just make out the faint dots of people walking along. It seemed like they had migrated from the beach, because there was a good distance between Jade and the small family next to her. The kids would probably be tired soon. Cat would probably be tired soon, she thought as her eyes pulled back to the right. Tori and Cat were chatting away, probably about the structure being shaped in front of them. Jade's eyes drifted off to the right, and the boys who were watching Cat and Tori. They'd given up on trying to play frisbee, instead the boy with blonde hair was just spinning the disk between his hands. Jade watched as they conversed, undoubtedly deciding whether or not to approach the girls down by the water. One of them, the one with dark hair, pointed and the other one nodded. The one with dark hair looked a little like Beck. Only Beck would never wear plaid shorts like that, and this boy's hair wasn't nearly as long or, Jade almost cringed at thinking it, fluffy.
They seemed to come to a decision and started walking through the sand. The blonde's arms dropped to his sides, the frisbee still clutched in one hand. Jade felt the muscles in her legs tense. She knew her body was getting ready to pounce, to stand up and storm over if things went wrong. Jade's eyes narrowed the tiniest bit as the boys reached Tori and Cat. Jade couldn't hear what they were saying, but Tori was gesturing towards Cat and then towards Jade and the blonde looked in her direction. He gave a small wave and Jade turned her head away. Cat's laughter carried across the beach, light and airy and floating on the breeze, and Jade relaxed. She was kind of glad, because she was sitting comfortably with her hands resting in the sand behind her and she didn't really feel like getting up to scare off some creepers.
The sun had been steadily sinking all day and was at that point in the sky that it was right in front of Jade and shone directly into her eyes. She grumbled and leaned back on her elbows, letting her head droop back as she shut her eyes. She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, or if she had fallen asleep at some point, but there were voices above her and then a hand gently shaking her shoulder. "I feel bad waking her up. She actually looks happy." That was Cat's voice, soft and light and always on the verge of a giggle. "Yeah, but she's drooling all over herself." That was Tori's voice and Jade's eyes slammed open, her hand rising to her mouth. "I knew you weren't actually asleep." Tori was grinning, kneeling next to Jade's shoulders.
"Fuck off, Vega," Jade mumbled. Tori leaned back as Jade sat up. She glanced around and noticed that the sky had turned about five various shades of orange and red with a hint of purple, the sun disappearing beneath the horizon. "Where are your boyfriends?"
"Who?" Cat asked.
"Tommy and Chris left. They invited us out to dinner, but," Tori shrugged and lifted a hand to point at Jade, "you didn't really seem like you wanted to go."
"Thomas and Christopher were just the nicest, sweetest boys I ever did meet."
"I don't talk like that! And seriously? Drool."
Jade curled her fingers around the cuff of her sleeve and wiped at her mouth. "Move so I can get up." Tori and Jade both got to their feet, each bending over to brush sand off their legs. Cat was holding her shoes in one hand and Sir Hops-A-Lot in the other, turning gently from side to side and causing the bottom of her dress to sway. "We're leaving now," Jade said bluntly as she picked her boots up out of the sand.
"That's kinda why we woke you up," Tori sighed as she grabbed her own shoes.
"But the ferris wheel!" Cat threw the arm holding the frog out to point behind her. Her bottom lip jutted out and her eyebrows turned up, a pout covering every inch of her face. Tori opened her mouth, looking like she was going to protest, but Cat's lip started to tremble and Tori just turned to Jade instead.
"Ten minutes for the ferris wheel?"
"Please, Jade?" Everything about Cat was pleading: her voice, her eyes, the way her arms had clutched that stupid fucking frog to her chest for comfort in case Jade said no.
"Ten minutes." Jade strode off through the sand, not even looking to see if they were following her.
She had no idea how they convinced her to get in the stupid bucket. Carnival rides like that made her nervous. All rickety movements and groaning metal. She'd heard about rides that hadn't been put together properly, or were just old, and how people got hurt and died. She'd even seen a picture of some guy who took a rod through the stomach in a ferris wheel accident. She didn't trust them, but she was sitting in one anyway. It had probably been Cat's pouting and the hint of tears in her eyes, or how Tori was staring at her like she had a heart of steel because she was making Cat upset. That was probably it. She kept her eyes focused on the roof of a building as the wheel turned and their bucket climbed in the air, trying not to notice how the roof kept getting smaller and darker and farther away.
"It's so beautiful," Tori sighed. Jade squinted, forcing her eyes to stay on that roof.
"It looks pretend. Like a dream," Cat murmured. Tori sighed again, the quiet, peaceful kind where all you can do is breath and bask in whatever you're feeling or looking at.
"Ow!" Tori cried and Jade's eyes ripped away from the roof to the other side of the bucket. "Why'd you pinch me?"
Tori was rubbing her arm and Cat shrugged. "I wanted to make sure it wasn't a dream. That it was real."
"Then you should pinch yourself," Jade said quietly. She meant it to be harsher, more vicious since Cat and Tori made her look away from her focus point, but when she turned to see what had happened, she got an eye full of ocean and the dark blue of the sky as night chased the last streaks of red over its edge. It was hard to look at the ocean like that and not wonder if it actually just stopped and the world dropped off in a harsh edge. Or if it continued forever and there actually wasn't anything on the other side. Just more open water and nothingness trying to race the sun to the west.
Tori was staring at her again with that look on her face. Her eyes soft and the ghost of a smile pulling at her lips. Jade had no idea what she had done, or if she had done anything at all, but Tori looked proud again. It made her uncomfortable. As if sensing Jade's thought, Tori shook her head lightly, almost amused, and turned back around. She folded her arms over the edge of the seat and rested her chin in the crook of her elbow to stare at the sunset. Cat was almost matching her position, except that the frog was tucked between her chin and her arms, and her arms and her body. Jade's eyes shifted between the two of them. Cat looked calm and happy. Tori looked beautifully at peace. They both looked like they were watching as some sort of magic happened in front of them.
But it was just a sunset. It happened every day and it wasn't magic. Jade turned back around in her seat and tried to find that roof again. She couldn't though because the look on Tori's face had been burned into her vision and it was all she could see. Yeah. Tori wasn't her friend like Cat was. Whatever Tori was couldn't be summed up so easily.
By the time the ferris wheel came back down it was dark. There was only a hint of light left in the sky. Cat was dragging her feet as they walked back to the car, her face snuggled up in the frog's head, the excitement from the day leaving her drained. A small smile was playing on Tori's lips. Her arm kept brushing against Jade's as they all headed down the street. "Today was so fun," Cat said quietly, her eyes rising from the sidewalk to look at her friends. Some sort of grunt rumbled in Jade's throat, neither agreement nor dissent. Tori's smile stretched into a grin.
"It was, Cat." Tori threw her arm around the petite girl's shoulders and pulled her close. "I'm glad you suggested it." Tori started to lift her other arm but Jade gave a sharp shake of her head.
"Don't even think about it, Vega."
"Okay, Jade." Tori's arm dropped back to her side.
She'd been saying that all day. Just a simple "Okay, Jade" in a tone that suggested she was almost amused by her. Even though Jade didn't think she was doing anything funny. It was like Tori was humoring her, like she knew something Jade didn't and was just kind of going along with some charade so as not to upset the balance they seem to have struck. It was something Beck did, just blindly following down whatever path Jade set out, and she hated it. Although, she thought as they entered the parking lot and Cat sighed with relief at the sight of the car, Beck never sounded amused by Jade. He sounded tired and worn out by her. And he absolutely never looked at her like he was proud of her.
Jade unlocked the car. Tori took shotgun and Cat sprawled out in the back seat, using Sir Hops-A-Lot for a pillow. As soon as the car rumbled to life Cat was out; her eyes shut tight, her knees curled up under her dress, her lips slightly parted and her breathing soft and steady. Tori glanced over her shoulder as Jade pulled out of the parking lot. "I guess we wore her out today, huh?"
"Yeah," Jade replied flatly. "She's like a toddler. Or a puppy."
"Or a kitten," Tori countered, shooting Jade a smirk.
Jade ignored the comment and turned the radio on, keeping the volume low. Tori took the hint and neither of them spoke for the entire drive back to Cat's house. It wasn't an awkward silence. Just quiet. Jade switched the radio station a few times, and Cat shifted in her sleep, but that was about it. Tori kept the side of her head pressed against the glass, watching as streetlights and other cars passed them by. Jade was extra cautious when she switched lanes or made turns, fully aware of the body shifting in the backseat each time. Her eyes darted to the rearview mirror often, checking to make sure that Cat was okay. Jade caught Tori glancing at her every time she did it, her eyes lit up with that same proud look.
They were only a few minutes from Cat's house when Jade broke the silence. "How are you getting home?"
"I might just take the bus," Tori shrugged, not seeming bothered in the slightest. "Trina's probably asleep already, my dad's been working like crazy and my mom's spending the night at her sister's."
Jade's eyebrows drew together. "It's night time." Tori turned her head, giving Jade a 'duh' sort of look. "There's all sorts of… hooligans on the bus at night."
"'Hooligans'? Really?" Tori laughed and turned back to the window. "I'll be fine, don't worry."
"I wasn't worried."
"Okay, Jade."
Her hands tightened around the steering wheel as she turned onto Cat's street. Tori unbuckled and twisted as she brought her knees up onto the seat. She leaned over the bench seat to wake up Cat. There were murmurs and whispers and then Tori was sitting back down and Cat's head popped up in the rearview mirror. "Oh no! Did I sleep the whole way home?"
"You were asleep before we got out of the parking lot," Jade said with a pointed look.
Cat's eyebrows drew together and the corners of her mouth turned down. "We didn't even get to play a game."
Tori chuckled and looked over her shoulder. "I'm sure Sikowitz will make us do something crazy and fun in class tomorrow." Cat nodded and seemed to cheer up a bit. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Jade's neck from behind.
"Thanks for coming, Jade, and for driving."
"Yeah, whatever." Jade patted her arm awkwardly until she let go.
Cat turned and did the same thing to Tori, who reached up and wrapped an arm around Cat's shoulders. "Thanks for coming, Tori. Get home safe, 'kay?" Tori nodded as Cat let go. She sank back into the seat, picked up her frog, and with a quick wave slid out of the car and shut the door behind her.
Tori turned to Jade. "Thanks for driv-"
"Put your fucking seatbelt on." Tori blinked slowly but then did as she was told. Jade shifted the car into drive and pulled away from Cat's house.
As unobtrusive as the silence was during the drive to Cat's house was exactly how awkward it was during the drive to Tori's. Jade wasn't sure why she'd decided to drive her home. Tori didn't live that far from Cat. It would've been a quick bus ride. Well, as quick as public transportation could be. Jade shook her head. It was a repeat of the night before. She was tense, like she was waiting for something. Only Tori wasn't asking a question. She was just sitting there, her hands folded in her lap, staring out the window. "Why are you just sitting there?"
Tori opened her mouth and then closed it again, turning confused eyes on Jade. "Because we're in a car? I didn't know I was supposed to be doing something else."
Dammit. The tension was quickly spinning itself into frustration inside Jade. "No. Why aren't you asking questions? Why haven't you asked questions all day? Why have you just been… sitting there."
Tori sighed and brought a hand to her head, tucking some hair behind her ear. "Jade, do you want to talk about something?"
"No."
"Really? Because you keep shooting me these looks like you're terrified I'm going to start harassing you for answers."
"That doesn't mean I want to talk."
"I think it might."
"Can it, Vega."
"Okay, Jade."
"Goddammit!" Jade slammed on the brakes and swerved to the side of the road, her seatbelt locking and digging into her shoulder. Tori's hands flew out, grabbing onto the dashboard in front of her. "That! What the fuck is that about?"
"You mean you almost killing us?" Tori wasn't angry, but there was a touch of hysteria in her voice.
"No, the fucking "Why, yes, Jade, of course, Jade, whatever you say, Jade!""
"I don't talk like that! And what am I supposed to say? You don't want to talk about anything! You don't even want to admit that I exist! What else am I supposed to do except go along with whatever insane game you're playing?"
"I don't know, maybe have an opinion about something? Maybe say what you're actually thinking? You were all gung-ho last night, Vega, so come on!"
"Fine! I have absolutely no idea what's going on! I'm confused and I'm hurt and all I want is for you to talk to me and explain!"
They were both screaming, voices matched in volume and intensity. Jade could hear her blood pounding, feel it coursing through her. "Well I'm confused too! And I have no idea how to explain it!"
Jade had never seen Tori look like that before. Like she might actually be capable of physical violence. Tori turned back in her seat and stared straight out the windshield. "Take me home." The command in her voice had Jade's body responding before her mind even processed what the girl had said. Her foot was easing off the brake and sliding over to the gas as her eyes glanced in the side mirror and her brain was just stalled out, a useless lump in her skull. Neither of them looked at the other. Neither of them said anything. Jade's heart was still pounding, a cocktail of adrenaline and frustration and something else surging through her veins. "Get out," Tori commanded when they pulled up in front of her house.
"You can't make me-"
"Get. Out."
Jade was turning the car off and pulling the keys out of the ignition before Tori even unbuckled. They both got out and Tori pointed to the house. Jade refused to move and Tori rounded the front of the car, grabbed Jade's arm, and pulled her up the driveway. Instead of bringing her to the front door, Tori dragged her off to the side, around the house, and to the backyard. Jade's eyes grew wide but Tori hauled Jade straight across the grass, around the pool, and to the corner of the fence. "Sit." Jade folded her arms across her stomach, her keys jingling, still clutched in her hand. Tori gave her one look of warning and Jade rolled her eyes.
"I'm sitting because I want to," she said, dropping to the ground, her knees bent and her legs crossing.
"Okay, Jade," Tori replied, sitting down in front of her. "Now that we've established that, talk." Jade rolled her eyes. It was stupid. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to be there and she didn't know why she'd allowed herself to be dragged into Tori Fucking Vega's backyard. She cast her eyes up to the sky to avoid looking at Tori. It was exactly like she remembered. A few stars scattered in random constellations, some real and some made up because the actual constellations weren't visible and so Tori and Jade would just make them up. The night was humming. It invaded Jade's ears and crept into her brain, where it seemed to spread through her entire nervous system. She could feel it in the tips of her fingers. The hum that turned into a glow as the grass came to life with fireflies. And then her mouth was moving and making sounds and she shook her head to make it stop, but it wouldn't.
"I told you last night. When you first came to Hollywood Arts all I saw was something that I didn't want to remember. Not you, but everything you represented."
"Your parents."
"No shit." The glow left Jade in an instant. Like a switch was hit and cut it off. She was just exhausted and lonely and a little cold. "Look, Vega-"
"No. You wanted me to say what I was thinking so I get to talk now." Jade blinked and tried not to show her surprise as Tori continued. "I think you're stupid. And kind of an idiot. And I get why you see them when you look at me, I do. But that's like me saying I think of Trina when I look at you because there's some weird crossover in my memory with the two of you. But you're not her, and I'm not your parents. I'm Tori."
"I know that."
"Then act like it," she said sharply. "Treat me like I'm the Tori who drew you pictures and built blanket castles-"
"Forts."
"-with you. Don't treat me with the same indifference you pretend to have for them. I know you, Jade, and this isn't you."
Jade had to scoff. "You don't fucking know me."
"Oh yes I fucking do." Hearing Tori cuss is what got her attention. Just like it had when Jade read that detention slip. Tori didn't swear, she never did. And that struck a discordant note in Jade, just like seeing Tori jump off the swings had. It meant that Tori really had changed, at least a little bit. Or maybe she had just grown up, but really they were the same thing. Tori looked like she wanted to reach out but was stopping herself. Another thing that had changed. The old Tori would never hesitate to comfort Jade, she would just do it. Although Jade saw a flash of the old Tori when she'd been forced on that ride earlier. It was confusing. Like the two versions of Tori that Jade had in her mind were clashing. And each one would look like it was taking dominance, but then the other would make a comeback and the fight was even again. "You're still the same, Jade. You're just trying really hard not to be."
Maybe Tori saw Jade the same way Jade saw her. Clashing ideas of who they were and who they were trying to be. Jade just wasn't sure which version of Tori was going to win. Shit, she didn't know which version of herself was going to win. She was like two sides of a flipped coin. Heads. Tails. Heads. Tails as it spun and descended and she had no idea of the outcome. Because there were times where it was easy with Tori. Where it felt like they were kids again and it made sense that Tori was by her side, discussing a paper or eating lunch together or spending an entire fucking day at the beach with her and Cat and it felt right. But then there were times where all she did was look at Tori and she would hear her mother screaming to her father about how Jade was so messed up from all their fighting that she was practically running away to join a different family. And Jade hated Tori for being another cause of argument. And it wasn't fair, because Tori couldn't help it and it wasn't her fault, but it happened. And even if Jade hadn't been spending as much time as possible at the Vega's her parents would have found something else to argue about anyway, and that thought always brought her back to the start. Heads. Tails.
Jade had no idea when Tori took her keys from her, or when exactly she had started crying. She didn't even realize when Tori stood up and walked away, returning with a blanket tucked under one arm and the folded up mess that was that fucking tent under the other. But then Tori was tugging lightly on her arm and Jade was stumbling forward and then a blanket was being pulled over her and Jade's arm was around Tori and she had no idea what was going on except that she was running from the world and hiding out with her best friend. Jade couldn't think of a word strong enough to describe the deluge of emotion that flooded her mind and cascaded down through her body. There was pressure in her chest and her lungs stuttered and Tori's face was right next to hers, telling her to breathe, and she couldn't think of what that meant or how to do it because there was so much other shit going on and didn't Tori realize that? Didn't she feel what had just happened? They were camped out and counting stars and catching fireflies and swearing on ridiculous things to always be friends and Jade felt like she was ten years old again. Only she wasn't actually ten anymore. And even though the feelings were exactly the same as they'd always been, Jade had grown up and understood them completely, in a way she never could as a kid. As realization dawned on her, as quickly and as brightly as the shooting star she had once made a wish on, her heart stopped beating completely. It didn't skip. It didn't speed up. It stopped. And there was a hollow thud somewhere deep inside of her as her coin landed. A shaky breath rattled its way out of her lungs and then every organ slammed back into function and that hum, that glow, was in her fingertips again.
It had a mind of its own. It was reaching out for Tori, trailing up and down her arm, sliding over her shoulders and tracing down her spine, dragging Jade's hands helplessly along in its wake. Like it was searching for something, or maybe trying to make sure that Tori was real. Because it had been so long since that hum, that glow, had found them both together that it almost felt like a dream. Tori felt like a dream right then. Like Jade had only imagined every moment they'd ever shared, because Jade didn't make wishes, but it felt like the only one she ever had was finally coming true, and it was hard to believe. There was a moment, when the glow found a resting place right around Tori's hips, where it jumped ship. And then it was in Tori's fingertips, sliding across Jade's ribs and wrapping around her back, and Jade breathed.
Jade didn't like hugs. She didn't like cuddling. She didn't like the pressure of someone else's body against hers. But there, in that fucking tent with Tori's face tucked into her neck and their arms wrapped around each other, under a warm blanket made up of the hum that turns into a glow when fireflies come to life, Jade slept easily.
She left as soon as she woke up. Fumbling around the tent in the pre-dawn darkness for her keys. She stumbled through the yard, almost falling in the pool, and out to her car. She drove home in a daze, shadows of Tori's arms still clinging to her ribs. It was comforting as she walked into her house and up to her room and sat on her bed, hunched over a notebook. And she did what Andre had said to do, and she was honest. Terrified… but truthful.
A/N Heeey there, everybody. So uh, that was that. I can't tell you how hard the end of this chapter was to write. I've written about four different versions, and none of them feel right. This is, however, the least wrong. And I could have written like four more versions, but I don't think I'd ever get it exactly how I want it. Oh well.
As always, thank you for the review/alerts/favorites/etc. Feel free to click that button down there and let me know what you thought. Good, bad, or indifferent, I'd love to hear it.