Holy chizzballs, sorry about the delay in updating. I know it's been a really long time since the last update, but I hope this still fits with the flow of the story. I've got the next chapter started so feel free to drop a review and tell me if I should hurry up with it or go back to not updating again.
I won't distract you anymore, so on with the story!
Disclaimer: Even after all this time I still don't own Victorious.
To say Tori was even more confused than before would be an understatement. She woke up, cold and alone, in a tent in her backyard with no idea of how she got there. But as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, everything came flooding back. And then she was clawing out of the tent and scrambling to her feet and calling out Jade's name like the girl would be lounging in one of the chairs on her patio with a cup of coffee and the morning newspaper. She wasn't, of course, and Tori trudged into her house, her back a little sore from sleeping on the ground and her hands feeling unusually empty. Trina was singing to herself, standing in front of the stove and scraping scrambled eggs from a pan onto a plate. Tori grabbed the plate and walked to the cutlery drawer. She pulled out a fork, ignoring Trina's protesting cries, and sat down at the table. She was starving, and eggs were just about the only thing her sister could actually cook. Trina huffed and Tori didn't pay her any attention. A minute later Trina plopped down on the chair next to her sister.
"You're welcome," Trina said as she started eating a bowl of cereal. Tori waved her off. "Why do you look like you spent the night in a bush?" Tori glanced at her and then turned her attention back to her breakfast, which was quickly disappearing. "Did you actually sleep in a bush? Seriously, you've got twigs in your hair."
Tori slapped her sister's roaming hand away from her head. "I don't wanna talk about it, Trina."
"Geez. Fine." They ate in silence for a few minutes and Tori stood up when she had finished. She walked her plate over to the sink and dropped it in. The clatter of the dish against the metal of the sink seemed to shake her from her senses. She didn't even know what time it was. She glanced at the clock on the stove and sighed. Great. She had like ten minutes to get ready and, as she lifted a hand to her hair and felt tangles and what was undoubtedly a stick of some sort, she had a lot of work to do.
They were late to school. Tori hijacked Trina's keys to make sure she didn't leave without her. Trina had spent ten minutes banging on the bathroom door trying to get Tori to hurry up, and then another ten banging on her bedroom door as Tori got changed and gathered her things. They were only twenty minutes late, but Trina had spent the entire car ride in a panic, yelling at Tori about responsibility and preparedness and how horrible everyone was driving, even though it was Trina swerving in and out of lanes as she sped through the streets.
Tori didn't even stop at her locker; she just went straight to Sikowitz's class. And of course Sikowitz made a big deal about her missing almost half of class. "I'm really sorry, I overslept," Tori said as she took her normal seat. Andre and Cat both gave her strange looks from across the classroom and Tori tried not to notice how Jade was refusing to look at her.
"Ah, yes, slumber," Sikowitz said dramatically as he paced slowly on the small stage. "The body's best friend and productivity's arch-nemesis." He spent the rest of class waxing poetic about sleep and Tori was glad when the bell rang.
"You okay, Tori?" Cat asked as they headed to second period together.
"Yeah," Tori mumbled wearily. "Maybe. No. I don't know." Cat patted her shoulder sympathetically as they walked into math.
Tori's head was a mess. She tried to pay attention in class, but she just couldn't focus. She was too wrapped up in Jade, trying to figure out what exactly had happened over the weekend. Saturday night had been weird, that much she was sure of. From whatever strange reaction her body had in the theater, to whatever the heck went on in the pizza parlor, and then the even weirder car ride. Tori just couldn't figure it out. Because Sunday, up until the car ride home, had been fine. She could see Jade was stuck in her head all day at the beach, so Tori let her be. Jade West was a warzone and Tori was waiting to take her next step, just watching with an amused fascination as Jade threw up barbed wire fences and spiked trenches and all sorts of defense mechanisms throughout the day. But then Jade had gotten mad, and they had both raised their voices and then something had taken over Tori and they ended up in her backyard. And every single mine had exploded. Tori hadn't moved, she didn't think she had, at least. It was like a shockwave had just rippled through the ground under her feet, a small earthquake, and set a detonation off. Then there was a chain reaction and Tori was just left standing there, shrapnel everywhere, surrounded by huge pits and craters of exploded ground. And Jade had cried and clung to Tori like she was the only thing left in the world and Tori had absolutely no idea how to proceed across the wasteland to get to her.
Andre was weird during fourth period. He kept glancing at Tori, she felt his eyes on him all through class, but whenever she would look at him his head just snapped back to the teacher. It was the same thing during lunch. His eyes would dart from whoever he was talking to and find Tori, and then as soon as she looked up his attention would be focused on Robbie or Cat or Beck. And Tori's gaze would just drift back to the empty seat at the table because Jade hadn't bothered to sit with them. Tori hadn't seen Jade at all since Sikowitz's. Not in the halls, not at lunch, not even at her locker even though Tori made unnecessary trips to her own between classes in order to check. It wasn't until screenwriting that Tori saw her again. Tori was sitting by the window, as always, but instead of watching the street outside, she was staring at the door, waiting. She heard Jade's boots in the hallway before she saw her, and Tori's heart stuttered before resuming its normal beat as Jade walked into class. Jade's eyes were focused on the floor, never once looking up. And then Tori's heart started beating a little faster, because Jade was walking down the aisle right next to hers. "Move," Jade growled at the girl in the seat next to Tori. Without hesitation the girl was scrambling out of the desk, her backpack and notebook flapping behind her as she fled. Jade slid into the seat, never once looking at Tori, and pulled her notebook out of her bag before setting it on the ground by her feet. Jade flipped through her notes until she reached a blank page and then she was staring straight ahead at the chalkboard.
Tori blinked and turned her attention to the teacher as he started talking. If she was easily distracted by Jade when she was on the other side of the room, then Tori had a complete attention deficit when Jade was right next to her. Every little move Jade made had Tori's eyes snapping to the left. If Jade took a note, or flipped her hair back, or shifted in her seat, or breathed, really, Tori saw it. Jade didn't seem to mind, though. There were usually signs of her frustration when Tori stared at her; the muscles in her jaw tightening, her hand clenching into a fist around her pencil, a hard glare in her eyes as she tried to ignore Tori. But there was nothing. Jade almost seemed relaxed. She didn't look at Tori once, or acknowledge her in any way, but she didn't seem to care that Tori's eyes were on her more than their teacher. She still ran from the room as soon as the bell rang, and Tori was left dazed and confused just like always.
Tori was working with Cat and Andre during their vocal class. The teacher had set everyone another song and told them to break into groups and rehearse. It was a pattern with her, so she could easily focus on one or two students at a time, but Tori didn't usually mind. She did that day because all Cat could talk about was how much fun she had at the beach and Andre kept shooting Tori those same looks. Like he could tell that she wasn't entirely there. That her mind was off in some other place. "Wait, you guys spent all day at the beach with Jade?" he asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah, it was super fun! Tori even won me a frog!" Cat laughed and her hands clapped together in excitement.
Andre turned to Tori. "All day?"
"All day," Tori answered, looking at the sheet music in front of her.
"And she didn't kill either of you?"
"We're still alive, aren't we?" Tori glanced up at him and smiled as he shook his head.
"Man, something's gotten into that girl," Andre chuckled lightly. "She was even nice to me in songwriting."
Their heads all turned as their teacher walked by. "If you guys can't work on the assignment then you can't work together anymore. Focus," she said with a stern look as she moved on to the next group. They all nodded sheepishly and turned their attention back to the song they were supposed to be practicing.
Tori was exhausted by the time her last class was over. She'd developed a weird twinge in her lower back, probably from sleeping on the ground the night before, and she just wanted to go home and take a nap. She dragged her feet through the hallways, plodding along through the crowd of students. She opened her locker with one hand and dropped her eyes to her bag, sorting through what needed to go home with her and what could just stay at school. She pulled a book out and threw it in her locker, tossing a few notebooks in afterwards. And then her head jerked up as something grazed past her hair. She raised an arm and carefully pulled the paper plane out of her locker. She turned it over in her hands, as if checking that it was real, and then her fingers actually ripped the paper in her haste to open it. And there, in a grown up version of the scrawl she would know anywhere, was a message. 'Meet me by my car'.
Tori spun around, her eyes scouring the hallway for any sign of Jade, but she couldn't see her anywhere. Tori slammed her locker shut and hauled butt out of the building. She was practically running out through the Asphalt Café and to the parking lot. She slowed to a brisk walk when she saw Jade leaning casually against the back of her car, one foot propped up on the bumper and her hands absent mindedly playing with her keys. Jade's head turned slightly as Tori approached. She kicked off the car and threw a thumb over her shoulder. "Get in."
Tori nodded and walked around to the passenger's side as Jade slipped into the driver's seat. Tori had no idea what was happening, but had long since given up trying to understand the situation with Jade. She set her bag on the floor by her feet and closed the door. "Where are we going?" she asked as she buckled up.
Jade started the car and looked over her shoulder as she backed out. "You don't get to kidnap me and hold me hostage all night without a little payback," Jade said darkly.
Tori had no idea what that meant, and she was about to point out that she had neither kidnapped nor held Jade hostage, but there was a shadow of a smirk tugging at Jade's mouth. It was barbed wire, carelessly put up. Jade was doing it because she felt she needed to, but there were gaps. It was the same shoddy defense Jade had at the beach, and Tori figured she would humor her. "Okay, Jade. Revenge away," Tori sighed, settling in for the ride to wherever they were going.
Jade turned on the radio and switched through stations until she settled on some loud rock, and then she turned the volume up so high that it hurt Tori's ears. Tori pulled her phone out and sent a text to Trina to let her know she wasn't going home and Trina responded a moment later with 'whatever'. Tori cringed as a guitar shrieked through a solo and Jade's fingers tapped away on the steering wheel. The song ended and another one started up and Tori still had no idea where they were going as she shoved her phone back in her bag. It was twenty minutes later when Jade made a turn and pulled into a parking space on the side of the road. Tori glanced around, trying to figure out where they were or what they might be doing as Jade turned off the car, effectively killing the radio. Without saying a word, Jade got out of the car and Tori did the same. There was a ringing in her ears from the sudden silence as she shut her door. She heard the thunk of the locks retracting as Jade hit a button, then the slamming of Jade's door, and then Jade was crossing the street and Tori followed quickly after. "Where are we going?" Tori asked again as she stepped up to Jade's side, the girl setting a brisk pace.
Jade just raised a hand and pointed ahead of them. There were some trees on the edge of a sidewalk that curved away from the road and through a nice looking lawn. Tori followed in Jade's wake as they walked through the park. It was nice, Tori thought as her eyes roamed in the afternoon sunlight. Lots of trees and flowers and benches. There were people scattered around, lying on blankets on the lawn and leaning up against trees. It was really nice and Tori had no idea why Jade had brought her there. Neither of them said anything. Jade was moving with purpose, like she had a destination in mind and wasn't going to break focus until she got there. Tori was trailing along behind her, enjoying the smell of the flowers and freshly cut grass and the distinct smell that came from stagnant water. It wasn't bad, just still. Tori's nose scrunched up as Jade led her towards a large pond. They walked around its edge for a few minutes until Jade roughly dropped at the base of a large tree. Tori glanced around before sitting down to the right of Jade. Something was tugging at the back of her mind. Something important. Tori watched as a few ducks bobbed around in the water, adorable and carefree. "Jade," Tori started to say before the other girl cut her off.
"My dad used to bring me here."
Cogs clicked together, wheels turned, and Tori remembered. Jade had told her about this place when they were kids. She talked about it all the time. About how her dad brought her and they fed the ducks and had late breakfast on lazy Sundays. And then Jade stopped talking about it. Right around the time she stopped talking about anything. A little kid was on the other side of the pond, throwing chunks of bread into the water, occasionally shoving some into his own mouth. His parents were sitting in the grass nearby, watching him. They looked happy. Like a normal family. Tori wondered if Jade looked that happy when she was there with her dad.
Neither of them spoke for several minutes. Tori just watched the water and waited. There was a reason Jade brought her there and Tori could wait and find out what it was. She heard the sound of grass being ripped from the ground but she didn't look at what Jade was doing. Tori didn't even look at her when she started talking.
"This is where he told me. About the divorce." A green clump flew into the water and landed with a plunk. "He hadn't brought me in ages and I was so excited. I thought things would be normal again and he just…" Another clump of dirt flew clear across to the other side of the pond. "Gave up." Tori's eyebrow arched but she still didn't look at Jade. She wasn't sure why. It just didn't feel right. It felt like it would be harder for Jade to talk if Tori actually acknowledged that she was listening. So she sat and her eyes followed blades of grass and roots of weeds and clumps of dirt as they soared into the water. Jade let out a heavy sigh and there was weight in her voice when she spoke. "I missed you yesterday."
Tori bent her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She leaned forward, her cheek resting against her knees. Her head was turned to the left towards Jade, but she wasn't looking at her. She kept her eyes focused on a man on a bench with a book in his hands. "I was with you all day yesterday. And part of the night, since you ran out while I was asleep."
Jade's mouth curled into a smirk that quickly faded. "That's not what I meant," she scoffed. A small smile graced Tori's lips. She hadn't meant her comment as an innuendo, but it sort of sounded like one. More grass was ripped from the ground. "Being with you yesterday reminded me of when we were kids. But the good things. Not the shitty parent things. And it made me realize that I've missed that. Having," Jade paused and gestured vaguely with her hand in Tori's direction, "you. Around. Maybe."
Tori was quiet for a minute before she looked at Jade, her eyebrows knitting together. Jade looked like a scared little kid. Like she was on the verge of just running away because she was terrified of something. Of what might happen. Tori's mouth turned down in a frown. Jade really was that little kid still, always stuck in flight mode. Her parents' fighting had always sent her running to Tori for safety. But now Tori was the threat, and not so safe anymore. So Jade was stuck halfway between fight and flight. Unsure and anxious. Tori's features softened into a small smile and comforting eyes. "I've missed you too, Jade. I was closer to you than I've ever been with anyone else."
Jade's eyes darted to Tori and then back to the ground. "Yeah," she mumbled. "Me too. With you. I guess." She shrugged as she spoke; trying to play it cool, but Tori saw the panic ebb from her eyes.
"Okay, Jade." Tori grinned and the corner of Jade's mouth twitched. Tori peeled her left arm off her leg and held her hand out. Jade blinked at it and then gave Tori an incredulous stare. Tori's grin widened and she wiggled her fingers.
Jade rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous. I'm not holding your hand."
Tori just stretched her hand even farther out. "C'mon. You know you want to." There was a tense moment where Jade just glared at her, and Tori thought about retracting her hand, but then Jade cracked. She turned her head away with a huff, an attempt to negate the meaning of her next action, as her right hand smacked into Tori's palm and held on. "See?" Tori asked as she squeezed Jade's hand. "That wasn't so hard."
"Never speak of this," Jade grumbled and kept her gaze averted. Tori beamed as Jade's fingers slipped into the spaces between her own.
"Okay, Jade," Tori chuckled and let their joined hands fall into the grass between them.
It was several silent minutes later before either of them spoke. A silence had settled, and Tori didn't think it was her place to break it. The park was Jade's place. Jade and her dad, and Tori felt like an intruder in the space. She was glad that Jade seemed to be taking steps towards opening up. Towards resolving whatever issue she'd created between them. Tori smiled to herself as Jade's thumb trailed across the back of her hand.
"I never meant to cut you out of my life like that," Jade said quietly.
"I didn't think it was intentional," Tori responded honestly. She turned her head a little and saw Jade watching her intently, an inscrutable look in her eyes. "You had a lot of stuff going on."
Jade's eyebrows twitched together and then smoothed out. "I'm still sorry though. For that and how I've been acting since you came to school."
Tori covered her surprise at Jade's apology with a small shrug. "You were going through a lot. I understand that."
"It doesn't excuse me being such a… gank about it all."
Tori chuckled at the almost pained look on Jade's face as she spoke. "Eh," she squeezed Jade's hand, "it's to be expected since you are kind of a gank."
"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in." Jade rolled her eyes and tried to tug her hand away from Tori, who just tightened her grip. "Jeez, you're gonna crush my hand." Jade's mouth turned up in a smirk and she squeezed Tori's hand back.
"Cry me a river." Tori grinned and turned her head to look back out to the water. They fell into an easy silence, the air around them filled with the sound of the breeze in the trees and the ducks in the water. It was peaceful and calm and Tori understood why Jade would have loved going there as a kid. "So do you still come here a lot?"
Jade's hand tensed in Tori's. "No. Not since… well Saturday was the first time I've been since…" Tori nodded quickly, showing that she understood and Jade didn't need to actually say it. Jade gave her a small, grateful nod in return before continuing. "I like it, but it just has some bad memories attached to it. It's just not exactly happy anymore. But I'm trying to get past that, because I really do like it."
Their eyes met and Tori's brows drew together as Jade held her gaze. She wasn't just talking about the park. Or the pond. And Tori knew that. Jade was trying, with her, and taking Tori to that park was a way of showing it. It was a sign of effort, and a big one at that. Tori gulped at the intense look in Jade's eyes and nodded slowly. "Thank you."
Jade's eyes grew wide and then she pulled her gaze away with a shrug. "No need to get all sappy, Vega. It's just a pond."
A sad sort of smile crept across Tori's lips. She couldn't expect miracles. "Okay, Jade."
"We should probably go," Jade said as she pulled her hand out of Tori's and got to her feet. Tori nodded and stood up, following Jade's lead. They walked back to the car, Tori's fingers twitching every time her hand or arm grazed Jade's. After it happened a few times Jade folded her arms over her stomach and then Tori did the same. They waited on the sidewalk as a couple of cars drove by and then crossed the street. Jade walked around to the passenger's side, pulling her keys out of her pocket. She unlocked the door and opened it. Tori stood for a minute, Jade not meeting her eyes. And then Tori sighed and stepped forward, her arms rising to wrap around Jade's neck. Tori wasn't sure why she did it, just that she had the urge to. Jade had brought her there, to the park that belonged to Jade, and Tori understood what that must've taken for her to do. Tori wanted to show that she appreciated it, that she understood the importance of the gesture. Jade tensed for a moment and then lifted an arm and patted Tori's back. Tori squeezed her harder, just like she always did when they were kids, because she didn't know when would be the next time she'd be able to. Jade gave her one more pat and then just rested her hand in the middle of Tori's back. Tori turned her head slightly as Jade's other arm wrapped around her as well. They just stood there for a minute, on the sidewalk next to the open car door, holding each other. Tori's lips barely touched Jade's cheek and then she was pulling away and getting in the car. Jade closed her door for her and walked around the back of the car to the driver's door, which Tori leaned over to unlock and open for her. They didn't talk and Jade kept the radio much quieter than she had on the drive over. Once they were stopped outside Tori's house, their eyes met briefly. Jade nodded slightly before turning away and Tori threw herself on top of her. They hadn't said much, but it was a step. It was Jade opening up, just a bit, and letting Tori in again. Jade groaned, half-heartedly, and pushed her off. "Tori, you are banned from my car!"
"Okay, Jade." Tori grinned as she grabbed her bag and climbed out. She practically skipped up her driveway and into her house. Trina was in the living room practicing some dance routine when Tori walked in. "Hey, Trin," Tori said as she closed the door. Trina froze mid-movement and watched her sister hop up the stairs.
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Trina stood up from the squatting position she was in and turned to face Tori, stopped on the stairs. "Where have you been?"
Tori pointed to the front door. "Out. I just got back." She pointed to the stairs and then to the ceiling. "And now I'm going to my room." She turned to continue but Trina stopped her.
"Out where? With who?" Trina was staring at her accusingly. "Was it a boy? Who is he?"
Tori rolled her eyes. "It wasn't a boy. I hung out with Jade for a bit."
Trina threw a hand out to point at her. "Aha! I knew- wait, what? Jade?"
"Yes," Tori said slowly. "Jade."
Trina stomped her foot. "Man! I knew you were gonna end up being friends with her again. This sucks!"
Tori shrugged, fighting back a grin and headed up to her room. She kicked off her sneakers and sat on her bed, setting her bag in her lap. She rifled through it and sighed. Right, she'd forgotten to take some homework out of her locker because she had gotten a little distracted by the paper plane. She pulled the note from Jade out and set it down on the comforter next to her. She smoothed it out a bit and then picked it up and placed it on her bedside table. And then she just kind of stared at it for a minute. Tori probably could have spent hours just staring at the note, thinking over any and every little thing regarding Jade. She was certainly confused enough that all she wanted to do was try and process what exactly was going on with them. Or with Jade in general, because Tori still had no clue what had happened to Jade in her backyard. They'd barely even talked and then Jade got lost in her head and as soon as Tori saw the hint of tears in her eyes she'd taken the girl's keys and decided that Jade was staying over. She'd looked… broken, almost. Tori couldn't let her just leave. Tori also didn't expect to end up falling asleep in Jade's arms. Out of all the times she'd fallen asleep next to Jade, that was the first time she'd ever fallen asleep with Jade. And the first time Jade had never nudged her away.
Tori sighed and pulled her phone out of her bag. She couldn't spend every waking moment trying to dissect every little thing that Jade did or said, no matter how much she wanted to. She had other things to worry about. Like the math homework that she'd forgotten in her locker. She sent off a quick text to Cat asking if she could email her the problems they were supposed to do and she hadn't even put her phone down yet when the response of 'kay kay' popped up on her screen. Tori smiled, thanked Cat, and tossed her phone on top of Jade's note. And then spent a solid hour trying to analyze and process what it meant that Jade had brought her to that park. That Jade had willingly held her hand again and not only accepted a hug, but hugged her back. That Jade had admitted, in a roundabout way, that she was trying with them, because she missed Tori.
Tori was awake and on time for school the next morning. Far too chipper for Trina's liking, but Tori only had to endure the drive to school with her sister's grumpy attitude and then she was free from it for the rest of the day. She was sitting in Sikowitz's class next to Andre, listening to him talk about some new guitar he wanted to buy. Tori didn't understand half of the things he was saying (she wouldn't know a vibrato tailpiece from a broken tailpipe) but Beck leaned over and started asking Andre about pick-ups and specs and Tori shook her head and mentally checked out of the conversation until Sikowitz barged into the room screaming about how good it was to be alive in a day and age where machines gave away money for free.
Andre sat up in his chair. "Yeah, those are called ATMs and the money isn't free."
Sikowitz cocked his head to the side. "Then where does the money come from?"
"Your bank account," Tori said.
"Bank account? I don't have a bank account."
Tori squinted at him. "Where exactly is this free money machine?"
Sikowitz laughed and tapped the side of his nose. "Nice try, Tori, but it's staying my little secret. Now, onto today's lesson!" He hopped onto the stage with a grin on his face. "Since I'm in such a fine mood, you all will be too. Let's talk about excitement!"
There was a squeak from Cat and she clapped her hands. "Oh, I love excitement!"
"You can't be part of this exercise, Cat. You're excited all the time so it wouldn't be acting," Sikowitz pointed out. Cat looked crestfallen and Sikowitz sighed. "I'll give you an 'A' for the day anyway, how's that?" She perked up considerably and he nodded. "Excellent. Beck, Andre, Jade, get up here." Sikowitz hopped off the stage as the students took his place. "Okay, here's the scene. You're all coworkers doing one of those lottery pool things and you've just found out you've won millions and millions of dollars. Jade," Sikowitz pointed dramatically and Jade turned her bored gaze on him, "I want you to be a man because I think the voice is funny." Jade shrugged. "Beck, you're the one who bought the actual winning ticket and Andre, you… yeah. Action!"
An amused smile stole across Tori's face as Sikowitz stepped back and the stage came to life. Naturally, Tori's eyes landed on Jade. And Tori was a little mesmerized watching her. How effortlessly Jade dropped into a deep, gruff voice. How her hands were flying around in excitement. The way Jade seemed to take up the entire scene, the boys falling into almost supporting roles. Tori wasn't really surprised though. Jade always had a habit of strolling into the spotlight. Whenever they made up stories as kids, Jade would always have the best ideas, and Tori encouraged her. If they sang together, Tori's voice would quiet to let Jade's shine. Even in simple scenes and exercises in class, everyone seemed to revolve around whatever Jade would say or do. Maybe Jade didn't stroll into the spotlight. Maybe she just stood still and the spotlight gravitated towards her.
Tori had a silly grin on her face as the scene ended and the students stepped off the stage. Jade glanced at Tori out of the corner of her eye, her brows digging together and a frown tugging down her mouth as she walked back to her seat. Tori had seen that look before. Jade kept shooting it at her all day at the beach. Tori wondered what it meant, what thought Jade was having that pulled at her face like that. She tried not to turn around in her seat and stare, instead focusing as Sikowitz stepped back up on the stage and continued with class.
Lunch rolled around and Tori was the first one out to the table. She'd barely even started to eat when Beck sat down next to her. Tori gave him a small wave and he nodded in reply. She took a sip of water and placed the bottle down on the table. She'd been so wrapped up in thoughts of Jade that she'd almost forgotten about him. Not just the fact that he ended a pretty serious relationship recently, but that his girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, was Jade. Tori had hardly even thought about it. He looked a little worse for wear, and she felt bad. "How ya holding up?"
"I've been better. I've also been worse, so," he shrugged and took a sip of the coffee in his hand. Tori reached over and laid a hand on his arm. A small smile crept across his lips. "Thanks, Tori, but I don't need your pity. I'm fine. I'll be fine." Tori didn't miss the way he changed his words around, but she nodded and retracted her hand. He cleared his throat and put his coffee down on the table. "So have you thought about how you're going to get Cat back for her ninja attack on you?"
Tori had no idea what he was talking about, but then it hit her. The tackle at the beach. And thinking about the beach brought her mind back to Jade. Tori shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Oh! Right. No, I figure I'll just let it slide. Next time though? She's goin' down."
"I dunno, Cat can be pretty stealthy," Beck said with a shrug. And then the little redheaded ninja was plopping into the seat next to Tori, scaring the daylights out of her. Beck laughed at the look on Tori's face. "Case and point."
Tori pointed an accusing finger at him. "You saw her coming, didn't you?"
"I might've," he grinned.
Tori shook her head and narrowed her eyes in an attempt at intimidation. "You're on my list, Oliver. Watch out."
The three of them fell into an easy conversation, Tori trying to convince Beck that she could be scary, and Cat just kind of giggling away at the ridiculous idea. Robbie joined them and then Tori was outnumbered so she quickly changed the subject. It wasn't until about half way through lunch that anyone noticed they were missing part of their group. "Hey, where are Jade and Andre?" Tori asked, turning in her seat to look around at the other tables.
"I saw them talking in the hall right before lunch?" Cat looked over her shoulder, her eyebrows turning up in confusion.
"Andre's helping her with some project for their songwriting class," Beck said, stealing a fry from Robbie's lunch. He must have seen Tori's surprised face because he shrugged as he popped the fry in his mouth. "I was shocked, too. Jade doesn't really ask for help."
"That's not true," Cat said as the others all turned to her. "There was the time she couldn't fit her boobs in that costume and needed my help."
Tori's lips parted and her forehead creased. "How exactly-"
"I'd rather not hear about Cat feeling up my ex-girlfriend," Beck said bluntly.
"Why not?" Robbie asked before clamping a hand over his mouth at the look Beck shot him. He mumbled out a 'sorry' and turned his attention to the rest of his lunch. Beck changed the topic and Cat chatted away at her side, but Tori's mind wandered and before she knew it the bell rang and they were all standing up to head to their afternoon classes.
Tori sat in her screenwriting class, waiting like always for Jade to walk into the classroom. It had become a habit of hers. She'd stare out the window to have something to look at other than the doorway, but her eyes always darted away when she heard someone walk in. A girl walked down the aisle, pausing when she saw Tori. It was the same girl Jade had kicked out of her seat the day before. The girl glanced at Tori, and then the desk next to her, and then walked to the end of the aisle. Tori rolled her eyes and sighed as several other students did the same thing. Great. Jade seemed to have marked Tori as her territory and no one seemed willing to sit anywhere near her. The seats in front of and behind her were the last to be filled, with the exception of the one right next to her. Which Jade claimed as soon as she walked in. Jade dropped her bag on the desk and sat down as Tori leaned over in her seat. "You've made me a pariah."
"Think you did that on your own, Vega," Jade grumbled, not looking away from her bag as she pulled out her notebook and a pencil.
Tori sighed and sat back in her seat as the teacher shut the door and started class. She spent the whole class stealing glances at Jade. And Jade would never look back, or meet her eyes, but there were silent communications. She would arch an eyebrow, or her lips would twitch into a smirk, like she was waiting for Tori to say something or explain why she was staring. Tori would just look away, either at the teacher or her notes, and Jade would give a slightly exasperated shake of her head and Tori's staring would start all over. It was so hot and cold with Jade. Either they were hanging out together and things were fine, or Jade was ignoring her and refusing to meet her gaze. Tori didn't understand it. She had really thought that after the past few days, especially after the park, Jade would be warming up more. Opening up more. Letting her in. But she seemed to be a pendulum swinging back and forth between extremes. Tori wished that she would just stop and settle.
Tori didn't get a chance to talk to Andre or Cat during their vocal class. Their teacher was keeping a close eye on them, seeming to circle their group as she worked with the others and Tori knew it was because they usually talked instead of working on the assignment, but she was still a little annoyed by it. Because Andre's gaze kept drifting to Tori and she wanted to ask him why he had that look in his eyes like he had never seen her before. By the end of the day she was determined to ask him about it. After all, he had said that she could talk to him about anything at any time, and she wanted to talk to him about that. She approached him at his locker after the last bell of the day with determination. "Hey, Andre."
"Hey, Tori, what's up?"
"What are you doing after school? You wanna come over and hang out for a bit?" Tori shifted her bag on her shoulder and forced a big smile onto her face.
"Uh," Andre glanced at her, that same freakin' look, and then turned his eyes down on his backpack. "You know I'd love to, but I promised Jade I'd help her with that song for class."
"I thought you did that during lunch." Tori's voice was almost accusatory as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. She didn't know which was bothering her more, that Andre kept looking at her like that, or that he was hanging out with Jade instead of her. Or maybe it was Jade hanging out with Andre instead of her.
"Yeah, we just need to finish. Record and tweak a few things, y'know?" He zipped up his backpack and threw one of the straps over his shoulder. "You okay, Tor? Your eye is kinda twitchy." He slipped his arm through the other strap and closed his locker.
Tori sighed and nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine."
He smiled and took a small step away. "I can come over after we're finished if you wanted to talk or something? It should only be a couple hours."
"No, it's alright," Tori shook her head. She had no reason to be upset or annoyed. It was a school project and that was more important than any questions she might have for him. She didn't even know what she'd say, so she just tried to shake off whatever it was that was bothering her.
"I mean, I'd invite you to hang out while we work on it," Andre said before shrugging, "but I don't think Jade would be cool with that."
Tori laughed a little. "Yeah, probably not."
"She looked like she was pulling her own teeth out when it was just the two of us. I don't know how she's gonna sing it in front of our whole class without losing her chizz."
"I'd almost like to see that," she said through a grin. The image of Jade, grumbling and fidgeting uncomfortably in front of a room full of people popped into her head. Followed immediately by how Jade's face would look as she closed her eyes and stated singing and the worry and tension left her body. Tori had seen it firsthand enough times to know that nothing affected Jade when she was singing.
Andre chuckled. "I should go, but you sure you're alright?" Tori nodded and smiled as he clapped her on the shoulder and walked away. Tori let out a heavy sigh and headed off to meet up with her sister.
Trina had the volume on the radio turned up, louder than usual because all the windows in her car were down. Tori rolled her eyes as poppy songs from before she was born played over and over and Trina screeched along with every single one. And then a song started up and Trina bounced in her seat excitedly. She started poking Tori in time with the staccato opening notes. "Trina, stop it," Tori said pushing her sister's hand away. Trina was relentless though and Tori squirmed in her seat. She had no desire to be upbeat and sing along with some song. She wanted to mope a bit and try to come up with a plan for getting Jade to actually open up.
"Come on, Tor, I know you love this one! You need to loosen up!"
"No, Trina!" Tori swatted at her sister's hand, fighting back a smile as Trina started dancing in her seat. Her sister could be so annoying, but sometimes her excitement was contagious.
"Walkin' on, walkin' on broken glass," Trina sang then pointed dramatically to Tori who just rolled her eyes. Trina started poking her again and Tori caved, reluctantly singing the verse. "You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew. But I don't care for sugar, honey, if I can't have you. Since you abandoned me, my whole life has crashed. Won't you pick the pieces up," Trina had a triumphant look in her eyes as she joined in. "'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass." Tori shook her head with a smile, feeling herself relaxing as her sister pumped her hand in the air. By the time they pulled into their driveway, they were both belting at the top of their lungs, and then they sat in the car, singing, until the song was over.
Tori was humming and walked up the driveway with a tiny spring in her step. She couldn't help the shake in her hips from the song that would be stuck in her head for the rest of the day as she walked into her house. But her bounciness was stopped when Trina grabbed her arm and roughly dragged her to the sofa. "Trina!"
"We are having a sister bonding day. I've decided." Trina crossed her legs and settled her hands on her knee.
A questioning look took over Tori's features. "What, like right now?"
"Yepperoni!"
"Haven't we had enough bonding lately?" Tori almost whined.
"Nope. So let's… bond. Tell me what's going on in the life of my favorite little sister."
"I'm your only little sister. I'm your only sister period."
"If you don't tell me about your life I'll tell you all about mine."
"Well, I think I'm adjusting to Hollywood Arts pretty well," Tori said quickly, diving right in to prevent Trina from rambling about god only knows what. "Classes are good. I've made some awesome friends-"
"Like Jade?"
"Like Andre and Cat, and even Beck and Robbie-"
"And Jade?"
Tori rolled her eyes. "If you want to ask me something, Trina, just do it."
"Are you friends with her again? Because you said it was only a paper for class, but you've been hanging out with her and you keep, like, thinking about things. It makes my head hurt."
"Me thinking makes your head hurt?" Tori asked in disbelief.
"Yes," Trina whined. "You just look so…" She made a weird, guttural noise and pulled a face, "and it makes my head hurt trying to think of what you're thinking about and I don't like to think about what you're thinking because it makes me feel all," she pulled the face again.
Tori's eyes bounced in her head trying to follow Trina's words. "I'm… sorry?"
"I accept your apology, but don't do it anymore."
"What? Think?"
"Yes. Just," Trina flapped a hand impatiently, "Figure it out and stop moping."
"I'm not moping," Tori protested. Trina shot her a skeptical look. "It's not moping! It's just thinking!"
"Exactly," Trina said with a knowing look as she patted Tori's arm.
"You're crazy. You're actually crazy."
"I'm concerned, Tori. There's a difference."
"No, I'm pretty sure you're just crazy."
Trina sighed dramatically. "I'm trying to help out my baby sister and all you're doing is insulting me. Not cool."
Tori rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I'm sorry. But really there's nothing wrong. Everyone keeps thinking there is, but there's not."
"Are you sure? There isn't anything you wanna talk about?"
"No?" Tori meant to sound sure of herself when she said that and Trina's eyebrows rose a little.
"Is that 'no' spelled y-e-s?" When Tori didn't answer Trina shuffled a bit closer to her on the sofa. She lifted an arm to put it around Tori's shoulders, seemed to think better of it, and just dropped her hand awkwardly to pat Tori's knee. "Spill. What's got you freakin' out?"
"I'm not freaking out," Tori insisted. That much she was sure of. She was a lot of things, confused, frustrated, patiently waiting for something, although she had no idea what, but she wasn't freaking out.
"Okay. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret here, Tori." Trina uncrossed her legs and turned in her seat to face Tori fully. "You're a bad actress. No, let me explain," Trina held a hand up to stop her sister's protests. "You've never been good at hiding how you feel. Your face is like a book of your emotions, printed up and on display for anyone to read. And your face-book lately has been freaking out."
Tori opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to figure out how to respond. "My face-book has been freaking out?"
Trina threw her head back and barked, "So much!" Tori frowned as Trina actually did throw an arm around her shoulders. "Look, I can't help but think that maybe it might have something to do with a certain little neighbor girl, and I get it if you're confused, but you need to talk about it so you can stop freaking out."
"I don't even know how to talk about it," Tori answered honestly. She couldn't exactly tell Trina about how messed up Jade was because of her parents. Or how Jade had completely broken down in their backyard and cried, the first time Tori had ever seen her do that. Tori couldn't even put into words all the emotions that were going on inside of herself, because they all just kind of boiled down to Jade. And she didn't know how to explain that.
"Well try." Trina gave her sister's shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "Just tell me what it is that's goin' on in that head of yours."
"I just want Jade to talk to me."
"You guys hung out all day Sunday and yesterday afternoon and didn't talk? What'd you do, just stare at each other and see who felt awkward first?"
"No, I mean, we talked, obviously, but," Tori shook her head and frowned, "it wasn't the same as it used to be." Trina was quiet, and then Tori heard the distinct sounds of Trina trying to hold back laughter. She looked at her sister right as she broke and the room was filled with Trina's gasping laughs. "I'm so glad you're taking this conversation seriously," Tori deadpanned.
"Oh my god," Trina gasped, placing a hand on her stomach and trying to calm herself. "Tori, you're an idiot." Tori rolled her eyes and tried to stand up, but Trina grabbed her arm and pulled her back down onto the sofa. "Of course talking to Jade wasn't going to be the same. You aren't little kids anymore!"
"I know that! But I'm still Tori and she's still Jade and we should still-"
"No! You shouldn't! You won't!" Trina had stopped laughing, but little hiccups of amusement kept creeping into her voice. "Tori, it's been almost six years. You guys are in high school. You missed some serious developmental milestones in each other's lives. It's going to be different."
"I know that," Tori said defensively, "but sometimes, when she says things, or does things," she trailed off, unsure of exactly what she was trying to say.
"Sometimes it's almost like she's the same? And so you start to feel the same as you did back then? And you don't understand why, if you're both the same, you aren't still the same together?"
Tori nodded slowly, turning to look at her sister. Sometimes Trina really just boggled her mind. Trina smiled like she knew exactly what Tori was thinking. "So, since you're being big sisterly, what should I do?" Tori asked with a tight smile.
Trina sighed like the weight of the world had landed on her shoulders. "Simple. You'll be Tori, and she'll be Jade," Trina made a slightly disgusted face, "and then you guys figure out how you fit together now."
"How we fit together now?" Tori asked hesitantly.
"Yeah. Try and figure out something else that works for you both. And it might be different, and it definitely won't be what you were expecting, but maybe it'll be just as good." Trina ruffled her sister's hair and Tori squirmed away.
"Sometimes you sound like a lunatic," Tori said, pushing Trina's arm off her. "And sometimes you sound like an intelligent human being."
Trina shrugged as she stood up. "It's called being complicated, Tori. All good actresses are a little crazy."
"Then you must be up there with the best of them," Tori smiled sweetly. Trina looked confused, but must have decided that Tori meant it as a compliment because a proud look took over her face and she nodded slowly.
"I am, aren't I?" She said to herself as she headed off towards the stairs.
Tori grinned as her sister wandered off. She leaned back and folded her arms over her stomach as she thought about what Trina had said. It was wrapped up in a nice layer of Trina's usual craziness, but she had made a good point. It wouldn't be the same between Tori and Jade, but maybe it could be something different. Tori remembered the electricity when her arm brushed Jade's in the theater and the way her skin caught fire when Jade touched her. How it felt to fall asleep wrapped up in and around Jade. Her skin hummed with the warmth of Jade's hands settling on her hips while they camped out under the stars. She wanted more of that. More of Jade. A nervous flutter started in her belly, and Tori's grin settled into a peaceful smile. Maybe it would be different, but just as good.