Simple Parts
Chapter Five- Just Can't Sleep
Sleep the city lights are lonely
Wake with the stars that came before me
Dream a dream a dream a dream
Will you dream a dream for me
I lay awake in my bed with the stars to comfort for me
QFRB
Alice's room looked like something out of a magazine or movie. It was bright and airy. The base and crown moldings were white, the walls a lovely baby blue, and all the furniture was white French Provincial and looked suited for a princess. The full canopy bed matched the color scheme further with a duvet only a shade darker than the walls and gauzy white hangings that were matched at the window in the room. A white throw blanket with a pattern of little blue birds was draped over the baseboard. On the bedside table there was delicate lamp, white, and a pair of black framed glasses. There was a writing desk to the left of the door with a tablet computer sitting on top along with a fancy calligraphy set. On the back of the chair was a Cheerio letterman jacket, and a red Cheerio backpack was in the chair. The top of the vanity was scattered with various makeups, creams, cleansers and a few medication bottles. To the right of the door stood a large white bird cage. Inside, seven little blue birds were flitting around, chirping and singing and building nests in three hamster balls that had been suspended around the cage. There was no bookshelf. Instead floating shelves had been installed around the room like a border. A few of the shelves held well loved books, bindings so cracked from being bent back that the tittles were obscured. Others held little trinkets. A few were dedicated to little porcelain dolls. The majority held awards, trophies, medals, and (both Quinn and Rachel noted) two shiny tiaras.
Alice noticed their gazes as she passed them to fall onto her bed. "Junior Prom and Homecoming," she informed them without arrogance or pride, just a bored sort of acknowledgement. "Pass me my bag and tablet, would you?"
Quinn was closer to the desk so ended up following the order. Alice took the items and patted the spot beside her. Quinn climbed onto the bed carefully and sat beside the girl, smoothing her dress a little more carefully than she usually would to prolong not having to look up and see what Rachel was doing.
"Are you going to go out for Senior Prom Queen?" she asked as a further distraction.
Alice replied as she dug through her bag, pulling another, far more battered, tablet out. "Yeah, but I won't win. There's this new girl, Lené, she's pretty much the nicest girl on the planet. She's beautiful and blonde and, get this, she windsurfs. How badass is that? Everyone loves her. Hell, I'll probably vote for her." A silence stretched between them while Alice fiddled with the two computers.
Rachel moved after a minute of not being acknowledged and found herself standing in front of the birdcage, watching the little blue birds fly from perch to perch and steal bits of grass from each other. "What kind of birds are these?" She didn't notice the way Quinn's eyes tracked every movement she made.
"Cordon Bleu Finches. The one with the red cheeks is Sounder, the rest of them don't have names cause they're too hard to tell apart."
"They're pretty."
"Yeah, fucking expensive too. That's a six hundred dollar investment you're looking at. Took me forever to save it up." Alice patted the bed on her other side. "Come sit down."
Rachel did as bid. "You bought them yourself?"
"My parents are kind of anti-pet. We had a cat when I was younger, she was the devil. She died a while ago, lived nearly twenty years, which just further proves she was an evil spirit or something, 'cause that's just unnatural. But yeah, I wanted birds and they said I could jolly well save up my allowance and buy them myself. So I did."
"I hate cats," Quinn muttered with a shiver.
Alice looked surprised. "Really? Weird, she was your cat."
Quinn was distracted by answering by a startling vibration at her hip. She jerked in surprise and nearly flew off the bed.
Alice laughed. "Woman, calm your tits. It's just my phone." She fished the device out of the pocket of her red Cheerios sweatpants.
"It scared me," Quinn defended unnecessarily.
Alice just quirked an eyebrow and checked the message she'd received, hammering out a quick reply.
"Who are you talking to?" Rachel asked in an attempt to distract herself from looking at Quinn's bare legs as she climbed back onto the bed.
"What are you, my mom?" Alice demanded sarcastically and without thinking. She paused, grinned at Rachel and shrugged. "Never mind, I guess you kinda are. It was just Seth."
"You have to be a senior, why are you going to date a freshman?" Quinn asked once she was situated again.
Alice just shrugged. "He's cute and I like him. Why wouldn't I date him?"
Quinn could think of a lot of reasons to not date the boy, even though she'd never met him. He was a freshman, for one, and she was pretty sure that Alice was going to be eighteen soon, so legality was an issue. He was apparently black, which while confusing (How did Puck get a black baby?), wasn't really cause to be worried or upset. She barely reigned in what she realized would have been a very hypocritical comment about interracial relationships. She had procreated with a Jew, after all. Two of them, apparently. The boy wasn't on the football team so her daughter wouldn't be getting a popularity boost. Not that she needed it as a member of the Cheerios, but every little thing helped. Dating a boy on the football team could be the edge the girl would need to win Senior Prom.
But then, she didn't seem to upset by the prospect of not winning.
In fact, from what she had seen, Alice didn't seem too concerned with popularity in general, or with the possibility that people would judge her for dating a younger black boy that didn't match her level of notoriety.
The blonde ended up shrugging instead of saying anything.
"Do you have a picture of him?" Rachel asked.
For an answer Alice pulled her tablet closer and poked around on it for a minute before offering the device to the diva.
The picture on the screen was of a very serious looking black boy in a brilliant white gi. His head was completely shaved and his intense gaze was focused directly into the camera. He was standing beside a large trophy.
"He is cute," Rachel agreed. "Very intense too. I'm sure he holds eye contact well. He's also obviously gifted in martial arts, so he could protect you if the need ever arose. I approve."
Alice laughed. "If only you stayed this easy to please," she lamented with humor. "He's not always so stiff, either. He just has to look like a badass for the winners circle. They ran this picture in the newspaper and he wanted everyone to know how cool he was." She passed the picture to Quinn. "You guys are in Calculus right?"
"Yeah," Quinn muttered.
"Good, you can help me then."
They spent twenty minutes "helping" Alice with her homework, which mostly just added up to sitting in silence in between her occasional questions and attempting to slyly glance at each other. She kicked them out when she decided to give up on it for a while and write her history essay instead.
"Three pages comparing Luther's Protestant Revolution to King Henry VIII's split from the Church. I could do this in my sleep, but only if the two of you aren't trying to subtly glance at each other over me. It's getting kind of creepy. Go stare at each other in the hall."
Rachel, embarrassed into silence, knew that by storming out she would just be proving that Alice had been correct, but she couldn't think of any other course of action. So with an indignant huff she flounced out, leaving the door open behind her but not really caring if Quinn followed her out or not.
The blonde, also embarrassed, flushed so violently that Alice worried that she might rupture a blood vessel and die or something equally dramatic. As it was, she only growled and stalked out of the room, slamming the open door behind her.
Still on her bed, Alice rolled her eyes and thought for the nth time about how insane her parents were and how they totally deserved each other.
Out in the hall, Quinn continued to stalk, but in the direction of the room she had been assigned too. She had fully intended to go straight there and stay for the rest of the night, nursing her pride and trying not to think about Rachel's legs.
That's why, when she saw the aforementioned legs disappear into one of the rooms between Alice's and Morgan's, it surprised her that she followed them into the room without a thought to what she was going to do.
She wasn't thinking though.
She was acting on instinct.
And her instinct was that she had been hot for Rachel Berry since the second she saw her walking down the hall on their first day of high school
So she followed her into the room and didn't come back to awareness until she felt soft skin under her fingers and was looking into a pair of wide brown eyes.
Rachel was startled to feel a hand around her wrist, even more so when she felt the owner of that hand twirl her around. But when she caught Quinn's eyes she wasn't surprised.
She knew what Quinn was going to do, the way she was looking at her left no doubt; she could see it shining out of her like a beacon. Like the Bat Signal.
Warning! Incoming Kiss!
"Quinn," Rachel managed, but her breath caught immediately after and she couldn't continue. She didn't know what she should do, didn't know if she should stop it. She didn't want to stop it though.
"I just need to see…" the blonde whispered, shuffling a little closer and gripping Rachel's wrist tighter. Hazel eyes were staring intently at her lips. They shifted up and their eyes locked.
The world ground to a halt. Or maybe it sped up. Rachel wasn't sure which, but she did know that she was pulling Quinn closer by the hold the blonde had on her arm until the distance between them was nearly non-existent. She could feel warm breath on her face.
It smelled like the peppers from dinner.
A knock on the door halted all movement in the room. Rachel didn't even breathe; her gaze locked on Quinn's dilated eyes. She watched the pupil's shrink rapidly as reality came crashing back to them and then the blonde was no longer in front of her, no longer touching her. She leapt away so quickly that the friction of her fingers leaving the brunette's wrist causes a buzzing tingle on their skin.
"Come in," Rachel called out despite the fact that her mouth felt like a desert.
Older Quinn opened the door and stepped in.
They were on opposite sides of the room, which looked suspicious no matter which way you looked at it, and Rachel knew that. So she was a little surprised to see that Older Quinn was shooting an irritated scowl at Younger Quinn, it told her that Quinn knew exactly what she had interrupted.
"You have a phone call downstairs, Rachel," Older Quinn informed her without moving her gaze from the younger blonde.
"A phone call?"
"Yes, Finn called to speak with you."
"Oh."
"Yes, so don't keep him waiting."
Rachel left with only one backward glance at the two blondes.
Older Quinn kept her hard gaze on the younger blonde until she was sure Rachel was well out of ear shot. Then she grabbed her by the upper arm and steered her out of the room and into the hallway, pulling her along in the direction of Morgan's room. "What the fuck are playing at?" she hissed when they arrived, spinning the girl around to face her.
"I don't know what you mean. And I wish you wouldn't curse at me."
"A standard Fabray response. How original."
"If you know so much, why don't you tell me what you think I'm doing?"
"What, and let you off the hook? I don't think so."
"It's none of your business."
"Are you joking? It's entirely my business. I, unlike you, have fully accepted my love for Rachel and I'm not about to let you hurt her worse than you already have." She shoved the younger blonde back until she was forced to sit on Morgan's bed. "Because you would have run and you know it, and it would destroy her. Maybe not permanently, but enough that just a little more trust between you would be lost."
"You don't know…I could have been fine."
The older blonde sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "No Quinn, you aren't ready."
"It's up to me to decide when I'm ready. Not you. And don't try that 'we're the same person' crap either, 'cause we're not."
Older Quinn didn't say anything for a moment, she just watched the younger blonde grow uncomfortable in the silence.
"Do you know why Huckleberry Finn is such a fantastic novel?"
Quinn started at the strange turn in the conversation. "What?"
"It's because it's about a little boy who knows in his heart of hearts that he will go to Hell if he helps a black man escape slavery, and he does it anyway. He does it anyway. He accepts his fate. He loves his friend more than he fears Hell. And even though it goes against everything that he was raised to believe, he does right by his heart."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Just think about it. It'll come to you."
QFRB
Downstairs, Rachel wandered in to the kitchen, unsure of where the landline was located. She found the older her standing at one of the counters with the phone to her ear. When Rachel entered she looked up. "Hold on a second, Finn." She held the phone out to the younger brunette.
Rachel took the receiver from her with a tight smile and waited for the other woman to retreat back to the counter, where she was busy rolling out cookie dough, before bringing the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"Rachel?"
"Hi Finn."
"This is my Rachel, right? Not the…other one?"
"Yes, I'm," she cringed, "yours."
"Oh, good." A quick silence fell before Finn continued. "Are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm very well. Are you?"
"Yeah, I guess I'm ok. Nothing bad happened like with Kurt or anything. This is all so…"he trailed off with a sound of frustration.
"I understand," Rachel was quick to reassure him. Though she couldn't be 100 percent sure of what he was trying to say, it was best to assume in Finn's case before he through a fit. "It's very strange for me too. What happened to Kurt?"
"Oh, he's okay now. He just showed up in the middle of a crosswalk in New York City with, like, cars coming at him. He said he nearly died, but Adult Kurt said he was just shook up a little."
"Well that's a relief."
"Totally." He was quiet for a moment and Rachel could hear him shifting around on the other end of the line. "I um…I don't know what you know about what happened with…me." He was hesitant, and actually sounded a little guilty.
"I honestly don't know anything. It's been very hectic around here." It wasn't a lie; she was in a house with five other very loud personalities. There was no need to tell her boyfriend that she hadn't even thought to wonder about his safety or whereabouts until hours after their initial arrival to the future. That would just be cruel.
"Well, Adult Me didn't tell me much about you. Just that you went to New York and then your dad died so you moved back here." The guilt cut into her again, because Finn had obviously wondered about her.
"Yes, that all seems to be the case."
"I'm sorry about your dad."
Rachel swallowed audibly. That was another thing she hadn't thought about, at least not in detail."I…thank you. It doesn't really feel real yet."
"Yeah."
Awkward silence overpowered them again for a few minutes. Rachel watched the timer on the phone tick of the seconds and listened to the sounds of preparation carrying on behind her.
Rachel couldn't take the chokehold for very long. "So, how did you end up?"
"I own Burt's car shop. That's where I showed up. And…I'm married…to someone that isn't you. Well, I mean, duh cause if we were married we'd be in the same spot or something but…"
"It's okay, Finn. I understand what you mean."
"So you're not mad? That we didn't end up together." Anger wasn't anywhere near what she was feeling. Relief was closer.
"I…no, I'm not angry. Feelings…change sometimes. Does she treat you well?"
"Yeah, she's really nice, I guess. She's pretty, and she's a great cook. We had roast beef for dinner. I have a kid too. Two of them actually, but one is away at college. Nathan, though, he's in high school. He's in Glee Club and on the football team."
"I'm happy for you."
"Really?"
"Of course."
"Thanks. Are you…happy?"
She knew he was fishing for information but she was hesitant to give him too much. If she were to tell him that she ended up with his ex-girlfriend, who cheated on him with his best friend, over the phone, it would definitely be easier on her, but it was also the coward's way out. She cared about him too much to do that.
Less is best. "Yes. I'm married and I have children. I haven't heard a great deal about it, but I apparently did well on Broadway also."
"That's awesome. Everyone knows you're gonna make it but the…validation must be nice. That's the right word, right? Validation?"
Rachel smiled at his sweetness. "Yes, that's the right word."
"Cool. I kind of wish we were gonna remember this all." Rachel agreed silently, but she imagined that Finn didn't have the same reasons she did for not wanting to forget. "I have diabetes, so if I was going to remember this I would start eating right and stuff. I wouldn't stop working out after college either, cause I kind of have a gut now."
"Oh Finn-"
He continued as if she hadn't said anything. "But at the same time, it's good, cause this way we can still have our relationship and stuff. Like, even though it won't last forever, we can still be good, ya know?"
She definitely felt guilty then. "I…yeah, Finn. We can," she agreed softly, deciding it would be best to leave him in the dark. There was no need to upset him.
"Well um, Nathan wants to show me some new video games. The new tech is amazing. He says you can literally feel like you're in the game. He says you can even feel when you get shot!"
"Okay Finn, have a nice time."
"Thanks. Maybe we can talk again later."
"Sure, Finn."
"Bye Rach."
"Bye."
Rachel dropped the phone into the cradle with a gentle click. She couldn't find a reason for the tears pricking at her eyes. The call had only made her a little upset because of mild guilt, and Finn was fine, happy even.
A pair of gentle hands on her shoulders encouraged her to turn into an embrace. She wound up hugging herself and listening to whispered assurances that everything would be okay.
"Come on," the Older Rachel whispered when the tears had slowed, "let's find you some pajamas. There are cookies in the oven for later and that'll make you feel better. "
Rachel allowed herself to be lead out of the kitchen and up the stairs. At the top they were impeded by Shannon. She had opened her door to watch the halls in hopes of catching one of the time travelers so she could get them to play with her.
"Barbie! Come play with me," she demanded before she saw that the young diva had been crying. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong baby girl, she's just a little homesick. Maybe she can play with you tomorrow. You should already be getting your bath. Story time starts soon."
Shannon sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes before stomping back into her room. She stopped at the door and turned back to Rachel. "I hope you feel better soon, Barbie."
Rachel managed a small smile. She knew the little girl was mostly wishing her well out of selfishness, but it was sweet too.
They continued down the hall and around the corner, passing a room with a sign on the door, Quinn's studio. It was a Do Not Enter sign that looked like it was legitimate. Older Rachel tapped the sign as they passed. "Don't tell the kids, but Quinn and I stole that."
"What!"
"Yep, good times. We weren't alone, of course. Amanda, one of my roommates, had a truck and we all piled in and drove out to the country and just took it."
"Our roommates must have been terrible influences on us."
"Yeah, but they were the first real friends I had. I know that if I hadn't gone with them, it wouldn't have mattered. They would have come in that night and celebrated their victory with me anyway."
The master suite was beautifully simplistic. There was only a bed, two nightstands and a dresser. All dark wood. Two small matching lamps with frosted glass shades stood on each table along with an alarm clock. The bedding was a gentle cream.
The walls held pictures in regular frames, not the digital ones that seemed prevalent through the rest of the house. Above the head of the bed was a beautiful black and white picture of the New York City skyline. Five pictures, all the same size, were lined up above the dresser. They were portraits of the Fabray children. Three of them were very familiar, but the other two were obviously of the children that had left home. The oldest, Morgan, is very clean cut and handsome. He's got her nose and coloring, but his eyes and general bone structure are different. He's smiling mischievously in the picture and the photo is so well done that she can almost imagine him tilting his head and regarding her. The other is Carmen, and it felt so much like she was looking in a mirror that Rachel nearly took a step back in surprise. The longer she looked at it though the more differences she could see. Carmen's face was thinner, and her hairline was a different shape.
There were more pictures on the other walls and she went to them, only half listening to the older diva digging through the dresser behind her.
"I'm sure I can find one of my Juilliard sweaters somewhere, Quinn can't have stolen all of them. Ah! It's a shirt, but it'll do. Now for some pants."
Her gaze traveled lazily over the photos, only taking in the most basic details. They were mostly of herself and Quinn, older of course, and a few with the children.
Other people were mixed in some of them. There were several of Quinn and a beautiful dark haired girl.
"Who is this girl?"
Older Rachel turned with the clothes she was going to let her borrow in hand. "That's Kenny."
"Oh." Rachel could definitely see why she would be jealous of that girl. She was gorgeous and in every picture she was in she was genuinely smiling.
"Here you go," Older Rachel held the pajamas out for her to take.
"Thank you."
The older diva waved away the thanks.
"When did we become so selfless?" Rachel asked herself in the middle of pulling her sweater vest off.
"I wouldn't exactly call it selfless," Older Rachel replied, picking up the discarded article out of habit. "You are me, after all. But it is something that comes with motherhood."
"I've never felt particularly nurturing before." She accepted the shirt that was held out to her. It was soft and well worn. "Or self-sacrificing."
"You won't either, not for a long time. Even when I was helping Quinn when we were in college, it was more out of a feeling that it was the right thing to do, than because I just wanted to take care of her. That changed over time, of course. It wasn't until the doctor dropped this squalling little baby boy, still naked, still covered in blood and various other disgusting things, that I really felt like I would give anything to make someone else happy."
She tried to imagine feeling that much. It wasn't possible. Her mind couldn't comprehend what she was being told so she allowed it to float to the back of her mind.
She finished changing in silence. Older Rachel collected all the discarded clothes. "I'll give these a wash. I don't exactly remember what day you leave, it was after Thanksgiving though. I just need to make sure you and Quinn have your clothes back before you return to the past."
"I can imagine how confusing it would be to find myself wearing something entirely different than what I wore that day."
"Exactly, so we need to make sure that doesn't happen."
Rachel followed herself out into the hall where they found themselves bumping into the Quinns. Rachel kept her head down as she passed the blondes, not really listening to what Older Quinn was saying to Older Rachel about finding something for Young Quinn to wear. She continued down the hall aimlessly until she found herself stopping in front of Carmen's room. She didn't have anything to do here, except wait and follow an undisclosed schedule. She knew that the children all apparently enjoyed story time with their mothers, and that it was coming up next, but she had no idea when. In fact, she didn't even know what time it was.
She entered the room and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
In her current time she would be sticking to her strict schedule. Assuming it was around 8 PM, as her internal clock was telling her, she would be in the middle of filming her Myspace video. She didn't have a camera though, her computer was sitting on her desk back home, all of her accompaniment stored in an external hard drive that she kept locked in the fireproof safe in her closet along with several other items of extreme importance in the off chance that her house were to burn.
She could always busy herself with writing the letters she sent out every week to various organizations, but she didn't really see what the point would be. She couldn't take them back to the past with her, as her outfit didn't have pockets and it would incredibly confusing to wonder where they came from in the first place. She wouldn't be remembering anything that went on here, so it would all just be a waste of time.
In the end, she decided to do her voice exercises.
It would keep her too busy to wonder about what Quinn was trying to prove to herself earlier.
QFRB
The hour passed quickly and Alex went down the hall banging on doors and announcing story time.
He was very much like a puppy. All big paws and endless energy.
Rachel followed his retreating form down the stairs, giggling at the cute way he stumbled over his feet in his airplane pajama pants.
When she entered the room her eyes immediately sought out Quinn and she was struck momentarily dumb by what she saw.
Rachel swallowed audibly. "Glasses," she muttered distractedly. Avid eyes took in the sight of two very similar pairs of black framed glasses on two very similar faces.
Older Quinn looked up from the book she was thumbing through. "Did you say something, Barbie?"
Her question sounded entirely innocent, but Rachel felt like she was being teased. She shook her head and made her way around the long couch to the love seat where she curled into a tight little ball at one end.
Shannon was sitting between Older Quinn's legs which were stretched out over the length of the long couch. Alex and Alice were both on the floor between the couch and coffee table facing each other. Young Quinn was in the overstuffed chair across from the love seat Rachel was occupying.
When Older Rachel entered the room with a plate of cookies and glasses of milk in blue and green cups she set them on the coffee table. "Soy's in the blue, cow in the green." Then she sat at the other end of the long couch, facing her wife so that their legs overlapped, and watched as her children dove for the cookies. Young Rachel and Quinn were slower to react, but they both managed to wrangle a few cookies before they could all be snatched away.
"Alright," Older Quinn started, settling down into the cushions with a wiggle, "are we all set? All have cookies in our mouths?" She received nods of varying levels of enthusiasm. "Let's get this show on the road then."
She carefully opened the well read book, stuffing a few loose pages back into place, and began to read. "Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has (or rather had) a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches."
Quinn's reading voice was pleasant, just like her speaking voice. She had an even pacing and never stumbled over the made up words. Whether this was because she was very good at reading ahead or because she had read the book so many times before was unknown to the time travelers. They both felt themselves being lulled into a sleepy sort of stupor. Alex and Alice would occasionally giggle, but the room was otherwise void of noise.
When about an hour and three chapters had passed she slowed and stopped, checking to see if Shannon was awake before closing the book and handing it down to Alice. She placed one of her hands flat on the little girl's back and gave her a gentle shake. Both Young Rachel and Quinn watched a pair of sleep blurred eyes flutter open, then closed, then open again.
Shannon inhaled deeply. "Hmm?"
"Time for little ninjas to go to bed."
"But I'm not sleepy," Shannon complained around a cute yawn.
"Yes you are," Older Quinn argued affectionately, scooping the girl into a cradle. She was just a little too tall to be carried any other way.
"No, I'm not." It was quieter still than before, and she rolled into her mother's body.
"Are."
"Not."
"Are."
"Not."
"Are."
"Okay."
The little girl's quiet protests faded entirely by the time Older Quinn had exited the room.
Everyone else in the room began to shuffle around, putting movement back into tired limbs. Alice took the empty cookie plate into the kitchen and Alex followed with all the empty glasses in his arms.
Both Rachels sat up and stretched in the exact same way, arms straight over their heads and shirts riding up a little over tan bellies. Quinn's eyes flailed to find a resting place that wouldn't make her cheeks explode with color and settled on the tops of her knees.
Alex and Alice returned to the room in the midst of this and shared grins.
"Your Momma and I are going to stay up and watch television," the older diva told her children. "You can stay if you want."
Alex agreed quickly and with enthusiasm. Alice was less excited but she plopped into the space on the loveseat beside Young Rachel anyway.
When the older blonde arrived back down stairs she immediately situated herself on top of Older Rachel on the long couch and demanded that they watch Skins. "Not the shit one, the good one."
Young Rachel had heard about the show before, but since it aired on MTV and she refused to watch any of the trash on that channel, she hadn't seen it. Young Quinn had heard about it from Santana, and because the Latina thought it was the best thing since indoor plumbing, she had steadfastly refused to watch it, just to make the other girl angry.
Alice complained a little, because she insisted that she hated the show, but had settled down when Older Quinn had thrown the book at her (literally).
The show was British, which neither of the time travelers were expecting, and incredibly filthy, which they were. Quinn, in particular, was having trouble understanding what her older self liked so much about it.
"This show is deplorable," she announced suddenly, about half way through the first episode. She was utterly disturbed and it had (almost) nothing to do with hearing her older self parrot Cook's tattoo line in a whisper to Older Rachel and hearing the other woman giggle. She didn't want to look behind her and see what kinds of shenanigans were occurring.
"I concur," Young Rachel agreed with a nod, crossing her arms over her chest. Unlike Quinn, she didn't have her back to the adults; she could clearly see that some form of groping was underway, though she hadn't heard what Older Quinn had whispered.
"It gets worse," Alice chirped from her place beside Rachel. The young time travelers weren't sure if she was talking about the show or the business happening on the long couch.
"All of you can just shut up. You're opinions are invalid."
"I think it's great!" Alex interjected.
"You are now my favorite child!" Older Rachel declared with the air of a Queen handing out titles.
"Yay!"
"Isn't he a little young for this?"
"It's never too early to expose your children to the dangers of drug and alcohol abuse."
"Agreed!" Alex added with a serious expression, humor shone in his eyes. The older Quinn was nodding along as well.
"But this show glorifies the abuse of addictive substances."
"It gets worse."
"Stop that Alice, you know how it ends."
"Have you ever even done drugs, Mom?"
"No I have not."
"Never? You like, never did pot when you were at Juilliard?"
"No! I would have hoped that you would remember what terrible things smoking does to the lungs, Alice. I would never risk my career in such a way. And while I was presented with multiple opportunities in which to indulge in less damaging forms of drug consumption, I resisted the temptation. As a young woman you must be very careful about making yourself vulnerable to situations in which you would have no control." She took a short breath. "Also, I believe that the use and abuse of mind altering drugs and other addictive substances is a sign of a weak person."
Young Rachel nodded in agreement, feeling a little bit smug about the fact that she wouldn't be lured into depravity in New York.
Alice rolled her eyes at her mother's answer. "What about you, Momma? Did you do drugs?"
Older Quinn hesitated to answer, not because she wanted to lie, but because she knew that her honest answer was going to lead to a long and uncomfortable conversation. It wouldn't do anything to stop what she had done in college. It wouldn't help little Quinn at all because she was going to forget everything that would happen, everything that would be said. She could remember it now of course, most of it, and she could remember the boiling shame and fear that had gripped her.
Then she looked into Alice's eyes and saw the defiant little girl staring back at her. The same little girl who had asked her if she'd ever broken a bone, and when Quinn revealed that she hadn't she stuck her arm in the path of a slamming car door two days later, breaking the limb and scaring her older brother for life when he heard her screams and saw what he had inadvertently caused. She was the same girl that had asked her parents if they had drank in high school and stumbled home a week later reeking of alcohol when they had simply replied with a yes.
A long discussion had been had about the dangers of underage drinking, and the history of addiction in their family. Quinn wasn't stupid enough to think that Alice hadn't indulged since, but she hoped that the girl was being safer about it. She hadn't come home stumbling drunk after that anyway.
She couldn't just give a confirmation again, she would have to give the full story. Alice was the type of child that craved experience. Quinn felt like they were only too lucky that she hadn't asked either of them when they had first had sex yet. That was going to be a fun day.
"Yeah, I did drugs."
"What? No way."
"Yes way. You know I'm an alcoholic."
The time travelers both looked up with surprise because they hadn't known that and while Rachel was shocked to hear it said in such a cavalier manner, Quinn was just disappointed. While she had initially been surprised by the news, after giving it a little thought it wasn't all that surprising really. Her parents were drunks (though her mom was at least trying to stop drinking) and her grandparents hadn't been much better. Her sister, whom she hadn't spoken too since Beth, had been quite the party animal in college.
Older Quinn had hinted that she hadn't had the best start at college. Alcoholism. It could be worse, at least I've cleaned up.
"Ok yeah, I wasn't talking about that." Alice rolled her eyes. "I was talking about other drugs."
"Yeah I did other drugs."
"Like what?"
Older Quinn sighed, studiously avoiding looking at the time traveling teenagers. It was hard not to see Little Rachel, since the girl was nearly in Alice's lap. She tried to relax and draw comfort from every inch of her wife that was pressed against her. "Pot, X, coke, crack, horse-"
"Horse?"
"Heroine."
"I know what horse is, I'm just…stunned." Alice looked to her other mother. "Did you know about this?"
"Yes, and I don't retract my previous statements. Your Momma was weak, but she made it through incredibly difficult circumstances and is standing on the other side of them, strong and proud."
"How?" Quinn asked, drawing all attention to her. "How could…?"
The women on the long couch moved into sitting positions at the older blonde's direction, but her wife stayed glued to her side, face against her neck and arms about her waist, while the blonde prepared to tell her story.
"It's amazing how fast your life can get fucked up. It's amazing how many times you can think you've hit rock bottom just to sink lower. It's amazing how the money just flies away. I was depressed after high school. Hell, I was depressed when I was twelve. I spent my first semester of college chasing an unattainable high. That how long it took to ruin my life. Four months. It took years to build it back up again.
The first time I did coke I had already been drinking too much and smoking some pot and doing X at parties. But the cocaine, it was the most glorious feeling I've ever had. After I came down it was like being stuck in a worse Hell than I had viewed my life before. I started doing coke whenever it was offered to me, which was often because I was always invited to the best parties. I was spending all of my savings on drugs and drink and pleasurable company.
I was usually on a crazy cocktail. I partied every night and I stopped going to class because my crashes and hangovers left me so exhausted and depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed. I lost a lot of weight, lost all of my money, and lost interest in anything that didn't involve getting my next fix." She stopped and looked like she was debating saying something. "I just wanted to be happy, and the only thing that worked was my cocktail. By the time December rolled around I had been kicked out of school and was living with some friends of mine in a rundown house. I had no money. I had sold most of my belongings for more drugs, so I only had some clothes and a few things I couldn't get any cash out of. It was amazing that I didn't get arrested during that time. The only way I could get drugs was by doing favors for people. I didn't care who they were, I did whatever I had to for my high.
One day I got offered some heroine. Then I went to a party. I ended up crashing there and there were just so many people and I was paranoid and depressed. I went to the bathroom and sat in the bathtub for about an hour. There was a razor on the side of the tub and it was like it was calling me. So I picked it up and I-"
"Please don't tell this part," Older Rachel begged, interrupting for the first time.
Quinn ignored her. "-sliced my left arm to pieces."
There was a collective gasp, and a harsh sob muffled against the blonde's neck. The other Rachel had been crying silently for most of the story, but Older Quinn's impassive gaze was locked on the younger blonde.
"I was losing blood fast, and my left hand was too weak to hold the razor, so I couldn't cut up my right arm. I was nearly dead. That was rock bottom." She laughed humorlessly. "And then Rachel Berry," she rolled her eyes, "walked into the bathroom and saved my damn life. The rest is, as they say, history."
Silence followed the older blonde's story for several frozen seconds. Then Alex was scrambling forward, crying without shame, and launching his upper body into his mother's lap. Alice moved next, more composed, not crying, but no less moved and possibly more in need of her mother's comfort than anyone.
Rachel, silently crying, rushed to the younger blonde that hadn't moved since the story began and threw her arms around the girl
Quinn just sat there frozen, barely acknowledging the strong arms around her neck and the tears that fell against her skin. When Rachel curled into her and ended up in her lap, pulling them closer together, her arms rose of reflex and encircled the other girl, but she wasn't really aware of it.
There was silence in her head. She didn't know how to react. She wondered if there was even a proper way to respond to this sort of situation. This hadn't been covered in her etiquette classes when she was a child.
What am I supposed to say? I'm going to try to kill myself. I'm going to be a cocaine addict and an alcoholic.
Rachel's hold on her was uncomfortable. Not because the body she'd been thinking about running her hands all over since she was fourteen was actually pressed against her, because that was honestly the farthest thing from her mind, but because she was having trouble breathing.
She pulled the diva's arms away from her so she could finally get breath, but made the mistake of looking into watery brown eyes. It was like she could see Rachel's soul aching for her and it tore at her insides.
She shoved the pain away, compartmentalizing everything so she could function on a basic level.
She could feel everyone's eyes on her and it was searing into her flesh like fire, or a laser, or something that seared other things. Her brain hurt and she just wanted to be alone.
"I'm really tired," she informed them haltingly, not meeting any of the eyes trained on her, "I think I'm going to go to bed now."
No one tried to stop her.
She lay in dark silence all night long, unable to sleep. She hadn't really expected to find any release in passing out, and was glad that at least she wouldn't have nightmares. So she thought. Her future was laid out before her and she wondered why her life was so tragically unfair. She wondered why it had to get worse before it got better.
She wondered why she had to be the cause of all her problems.
QFRB
It hurts so bad
It hurts so bad
When it hits my head
It hits my head
I just can't sleep
I just can't sleep
I just can't sleep, why can't I feel like that
A/N: And thus ends the first day.
(I'm really nervous about this chapter.)
I built a car and most of a helicopter during the making of this chapter. I also ate an entire bag of Sour Patch Kids, the big one.
OK so, I posted two Harry Potter/ Glee crossover oneshots, and there will be one more, they're all related and actually follow in order. You should go read them if you haven't.
I also have an oneshot called Does Someone Need a Kidney that actually fits in this universe. If you want to read and review that I would be totally ok with it.
…
Please review and tell me what you thought. I'm sorry it was so unfunny. A little drama is good though, it drives plot and all…
Chapter Song: Just Can't Sleep by Sick of Sarah
Review.