Part Nine

When I wake up the next morning I'm all alone in the tent. Not only that, everything is deadly silent. I can't hear a thing outside. Not a peep. Panic runs through me as I sit down abruptly on the bed. They left me! Emma left with the rest of them and left me behind. Gods, how could I be so stupid? Why did I trust her? Why…

"Good morning," Emma says entering the tent.

"Oh!" I choke "Good morning!"

"We are leaving in ten," Emma says and hand me some sort of a basket "Here I got these for you"

"What is that?" I ask spying the content.

"Berries. I don't know what kind" Emma says "They are good, though. Very sweet"

"Thanks," I say as I put one in my mouth.

She's right. They are sweet.

I wish they were bitter, though.

"Thank you for letting me sleep here last night," Emma says "I needed the rest"

"Of course," I nod "We need to be in our best if we are going to get Henry back"

"We need to get to him fast, Regina," Emma says "He's been here too long already"

"I know," I sigh "Trust me, I think about that every day"

"We need a solid plan,"

"We need a plan first, Miss Swan," I say "Following your loverboy around this damn island isn't exactly a plan"

"Will you stop that?" Emma says and I can hear the frustration in her voice "He is not my loverboy. I don't even like him"

"Not your type?" I try to joke. It comes out bitter even to my own ears.

"As a matter of fact, no. Not at all!"

"Emma? Regina" Snow says outside the tent "We have to go"

"We'll be right out" Emma shouts "Are you ready?" She asks me.

"I am"

I wave my hands in the air and in a blink of an eye the tent is gone and my boots are back on my feet. Emma looks surprised at the sudden lack of… well, everything, and I wonder if she will ever stop being surprised by magic. She blinks twice at me and then gives me a shy smile that goes straight to the center of my heart and I can't do anything but smile back at her. The expression is so stupid that I catch snow looking suspiciously at me before I shake my head and put my cold mask back on. I can't really blame her, though. I barely recognize myself.

The pirate leads us to yet another journey along this damn woods. Gods, I swear the island did not look this big from the ship. He is flirting with Emma, again and right in front of her parents. Idiot! I really hope David will stab him with the pointy end of his sword. It's better to clarify that part of the wish since the man is a walking donkey. The handless pirate says something and Emma starts to laugh. The sound of her laughter warms something inside my heart at the same time my brain reprimands me for it. I don't get it! She says she is not flirting with him, that he is not her type and yet there she is laughing at whatever coherent line that sorry excuse for a man said. Is that some sort of scheme? To make him help us get Henry back? If it is, I can respect that! Emma laughs again and I correct myself. I can absolutely not respect that!

The sun is burning hot today, and Emma is only wearing her grey t-shirt now and that bothers me in a way that has nothing to do with her poor choices of clothing. The sight of her bare arms does things to my imagination, images that have no place inside my head keeps popping up every time I look at her. Is her stomach as defined as her arms are? Hard? Would she gasp if I ran my tongue all the way down…No! For the love of God, Regina, you have got to stop this! It's not gonna happen. You hate each other! You two are just tolerable with one another because you have the same purpose in mind. Henry! He is the only thing that matters. Emma passes the water flask to Hook and he brushes his fingers against her arm and I feel rage build inside of me, one that is almost too much for me to handle. I should set him on fire!

"Where exactly are we going this time?" I ask irritably.

"To find your son, obviously" The pirate answers sarcastically.

"And where exactly, would that be?" I ask "We have been walking for hours. Again!"

"And now we shall stop to rest" Hook smiles at me.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"The sun is too hot, Your Majesty," Hook says "We need to stop for a minute"

"Hook is right, Regina," Snow says "I'm pretty beat"

"Then rest we shall," David says as he and Snow sat down on the ground.

I roll my eyes and walk away from them, into the woods. This isn't going anywhere. It's been two days already of just walking into these damn woods not really getting anywhere. This is pointless! That pirate is not taking us to Henry he is just trying to get inside Emma's pants. This is probably his plan, isn't it? Keep us trap here just long enough to seduce her and then look like a damn Prince Charming when he finally takes us to Henry. I close my eyes as I try to shake images of Emma, Hook, and Henry together walking around Storybrooke like a perfect little family. It hurts, and even I have to admit that.

"Regina?" Emma says behind me.

"What?" I answer harshly.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine"

"I brought you some food," Emma says "It's just hard bread and butter, but…"

"I'm not hungry," I say, still with my back to her.

"You should eat, Regina," Emma says sounding concerned.

"Thank you, dear," I say "But I'm fine. You should go back to your pirate"

"You have got to stop calling him that," Emma says "Do you mind If I eat here with you?"

"I'm not eating"

"Okay, do you mind making me company while I eat?" Emma asks "I can't stand the smell of Hook in all that leather in this heat"

I smile at that. I can't help it.

"Well, I can imagine that"

I finally turn around and see Emma sitting on a tree trunk, barbarically ripping a piece of bread. That thing must be really, really hard. I move closer to her and sit down next to her. She hands me a piece and I take it from her hand, feeling a jolt of electricity when our fingers brush against one another. Was that our magic or just my imagination? Emma seems unaffected by it and I chose to believe it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

"Do you think he knows where we are going?" Emma asks.

"What?" I have to ask again because I was too lost in thoughts of her.

"Hook," Emma says "Do you think he knows where we are going?"

"Of course not," I say "He's useless"

"We've been walking for two days now and we are not getting anywhere," Emma says "This island did not look this big from the ship"

"My thoughts exactly" I smirk.

"Part of me is starting to lose faith in him," Emma says "But it's not like we have any other choice"

"Well, you didn't look like you were losing faith in him at all," I say even though I hate myself for the way I sounded.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," I say "Nevermind"

"Regina, I do not have a thing for Hook," Emma says "Trust me!"

"Maybe not but you certainly encourage him"

"Excuse me?"

"You were laughing all morning at whatever that idiot was saying"

"Yes, because I want to get to Henry," Emma says "It has nothing to do with him"

"It's not very worthy of a hero, is it?"

"If I didn't know any better, I would say that you are jealous" Emma gives me a half-smile.

"Excuse me?" I say.

This is just…outrageous. Truth, but outrageous.

"Are you jealous of Hook, Regina?" Emma asks and this time that little smile she displays annoys me.

"Oh my God, ew," I say. And it's true. Ew!

"He is not the one I'm interested in"

Emma says that looking so deeply into my eyes that I forget how to breathe for more than a second. Her featured are serious and her lips are slightly apart as she looks into my eyes and then, her gaze lowers to my lips and I see her moistening her lips. We are so close to each other that I can feel the warm breath that comes in and out of her mouth, and if I just let myself go, if I just leaned in half an inch I can kiss her. I open and close my mouth as if to try and say something but nothing comes out. It's like my brain stopped working and all I can think about is pale pink lips and how perfectly they would move against mine.

I'm breathing fast now, I can feel it and so can Emma. She looks into my eyes again and moves a little bit closer to me as if we are not already invading each other's personal space. I want to kiss her. I want to lean in and take her lips upon mine, taste her mouth, sink my fingers in her hair. Do I dare? I move closer to her now, so close that our breaths mix together and I can't tell which one is leaving her and which one I'm breathing. Am I really doing this? Do I want to do this? The answer is simple, I…

"Emma?" Snow shouts "Regina?"

And just like that, the moment is gone. I slide away from Emma and rose as if the trunk was on fire. I shook my head and open and close my hands trying to get my breathing under control. What the hell was that?

"Hey," Snow says when she sees us "We are leaving!"

"We'll be right there," Emma says.

I hear Snow walking away but I don't dare to turn around to look at Emma. I cant! My cheeks are all flushed and I'm bothered and confuse all over. I can't make up any of those feelings, they are just too much. All of this is just too much.

"Have you notice that she is always the one who comes to break us apart?" Emma laughs.

"Yes, she is very talented at that," I say back.

"Are you coming?" Emma asks.

"Yeah, I just…"

"Need a minute?" Emma finishes for me.

"Yes!"

"Regina, I…"

"I'll be right out there, Miss Swan," I say as harshly as I can.

"Yeah, okay," Emma says "Just…don't take too long"

"I won't"

I keep my back to her until I hear Emma walking away. I close my eyes and try to get my breathing under control even though it feels like an impossible quest. I almost kissed her. I almost kissed her and the worse part of all is that I wanted to. I wanted to kiss her! How could I have been so stupid? How could I have not realized I was developing feelings for her? How could I have let it come to this point? The point where I almost humiliate myself wanting to kiss her. What would have happened if I did? What if Emma pushed me away and tell me I got it all wrong? What if…What if she kissed me back? Gods, Regina stop being so stupid. Love is weakness and the only one you are allowed to have is Henry. Not that I love her. I don't! This is just…This is just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm just lonely and in need of something physical. That's it! I just find her attractive, that's all. I don't love her. I cant. I hate everything about her, I would hate her very existence if she hadn't given me my son.

I open my eyes feeling more at ease with myself now. My breathing is under control and now I know what's happening to me. It's not about Emma, I would probably feel the same way about anyone I found remotely attractive. I feel so much better now. I turn around feeling confident, knowing that I was not stupid enough to have feelings for someone like her. I walk back to where everybody is just waiting for me so we can continue our walk. Emma smiles at me and my stupid heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest as I notice stupid things like the way the sunlight makes her eyes brighter, almost deep blue, and her blonde hair shines like gold. Oh, for fuck sake! This is not the way physical attraction is supposed to work. Why can't I just hate her?

I keep my distance as the Pirate leads us on another endless walk. I just can't deal with her right now, there are far more important things to worry about, like my little Prince. Emma is walking behind Hook and I just hate the easy way they talk to each other, I hate the way he makes her laugh every now and then, and I hate that I hate all of this. I shouldn't care. It's not right! But I do. I don't want anyone else to make her laugh but me, and at this point, I have to accept the fact that it's not just physical attraction. I like her. I like Emma!

We walk and walk and walk again all day, getting nowhere. Again! It's nightfall and we find a place to spend the night. I don't interact with anyone as I magic my tent and walk inside. I seat down heavily on the bed before dropping my body. I look up at the ceiling of the tent as I try and fail to push thoughts of beautiful smiles and blonde hair out of my mind.

I look to the side as I hear steps going back and forth in front of the tent. I sit down in bed, breathing fast waiting for Emma's next move. I had put on a protection spell around it, but it's weak. If she wants to, she can get inside.

"Regina? Ouch!" Emma says "God damn it"

And there it is. It's just a small shock and she is completely exaggerating the reaction. It's not like the first time when she was thrown to the other side of the trees and if she really wants to, she can get inside. Emma sighs and walks away and the disappointment sets in the pit of my stomach. She should have tried harder. She should have let herself in. She could if she really wanted to. But I supposed I'm not being fair, I did put the protection spell after all mostly because I'm not sure if I can deal with her right now. I want to and at the same time, I don't, because I don't deal with rejection very well. I was never good at it.

I take off my boots and jacket and lay properly on the bed. I should try and get some sleep. True be told, I'm pretty tired. I'm not used to all that walking, not even when I lived in the Enchant Forest. If I wasn't poofing (As Henry calls it) I was in a carriage or better yet, riding my horse. I close my eyes and as I usually do, I let the darkness take over me.

Something is shaking me, pulling me out of my slumber. My body wakes up slowly, too slowly for my liking, you see, while my brain registers the voice calling out my name over and over and over again, my body simply remains still.

"Regina? Regina, wake up"

"Emma!" I say when my body finally caught up with my brain "What's wrong?"

"You have to come outside," Emma says "I've already woke the others"

"Why?" I ask "What's wrong?

"Just come outside"

Emma leaves the tent and I started to put on my boots and then my jacket. I started to walk when something suddenly hits me. She was inside the tent. This must be something really important considering she wasn't willing to face a little shock wave when she was outside earlier. I walk out of the tent and I see Emma sitting in front of a rock with a piece of paper on top of it. She explains what happened with Pan and how he gave her the map.

"He so likes his games," Hook says.

"What game?" I ask looking at him "There is nothing there"

There really isn't.

"If he says there is a map in this parchment, then there is," Hook says.

God, I hate him!

"Great, if I just stop denying who I really am, whatever that means, I won't be able to read this thing," Emma says.

"And how do we know Pan won't use it to lead us straight into a trap," I ask the obvious question.

"Because he doesn't need to. This whole Island is his bloody trap" Hook says.

Okay, he might have a point there.

The two idiots come back telling that they didn't find Pan anywhere. As if he would just be hanging around, waiting to get caught. Idiots! We argue about the map, I just want to use magic on it and use that damn thing to find my son, but Emma refuses to let me. In fact, she's a little harsh about it and that throws me off a little. Why does she get to be harsh at me? I should be harsh at her!

Emma stares at the map, saying one obvious thing after another, looking intensely at it, and quite frankly that scene is just too sad to watch. I lean against a tree while I wait for what, Im not sure. The two idiots are sitting in front of her, saying encouraging words and I'm not sure how much eyes rolling I can do before my iris gets stuck up my brain. Emma struggles with the "S" word, and if admitting that she is the savior to a piece of paper is what we need to save my son, well I'm screwed.

She finally says the word and I hold my breath as I walk to see the map to Henry but it remains blank. Of course, it does. Magic is about belief and Miss Swan doesn't even believe in herself.

"I don't get it, I said I was the savior there is nothing I deny more than that" Emma says.

"It's okay, we'll figure out," Snow says.

"No, you won't," I say as I walk to Emma because I had enough.

"Regina!" Emma says when I take the parchment from her hands.

"But I can," I say "I'm beginning to think there isn't a map here, but that doesn't mean it can't lead us to Henry"

"I thought we decided that using magic was a bad idea," Charming says.

Well, I didn't!

"For once I agree with the Prince," Hook says.

Idiot!

Sometimes I wonder if he is flirting with Emma or Charming.

Just saying.

I work my magic on the parchment and it doesn't take long before it starts to glow right in front of my eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Emma asks.

"A locator spell," I tell her "This parchment belonged to Pan. It will lead us to him"

I finish the spell and the parchment starts flowing in the air. It goes in the direction of the dark jungle and of course, Hook makes a comment on it. Emma stares awe-struck at it as I walk behind her.

"Well, Emma. You said you wanted to be the leader" I say "Lead"

Emma walks ahead and I follow her. The others come behind us, but Emma and I stay a few paces ahead of them. It's nice and I quite enjoy having her by my side like that. Our arms brush against one another and I regret wearing my blue jacket, it would be nice to feel Emma's bare arm on my skin.

"Ready to thank me?" I ask sounding as cocky as I feel.

"Actually, yeah"

"If you let me do it sooner maybe we would have found him by now"

Gods, how good it feels to boast in front of her. I wish I could do it some more but suddenly the parchment stops flowing and I know exactly what that means.

"Wait! He's there. Pan" I say "I can feel his smugness"

"Shall we?" Charming says "While we still have the element of surprise on our side"

Idiot!

I follow him, without looking back. Now that we are here I erase any thoughts of Emma from my mind. My son is here and I'm more than ready to take Henry back home. We follow a path that takes us to a camp. It's his camp, I know that. But…

"No one is here," Snow says "Maybe your spell was wrong, Regina"

"Yes, blame me. Again!"

Gods, can I just fireball her ass?

"Henry!"

Emma screams and now she has my solo attention. I run after her and I see a boy with his back to us. That's not Henry. I know my son. How could she not? The boy turns around and Pan is there, wearing Henry's clothes.

"Hi, Emma" Pan says.

"Where the hell is Henry?" Emma asks.

"You broke the rules. That's not fair. I expected some more from you, captain" Pan says.

"Give Henry to me," Emma says next to me.

"Sorry, can't. Don't you know? Cheaters never win"

It's a trap. I realize that too late. We are surrounded by lost boys who attack us with their poisoned arrows. I have just about enough with all of that as I throw one fireball after another while dodging the damn arrows. It's not an easy fight, but at least I manage my share. Suddenly, Pan whistles, and all the boys run back into the woods.

"Remember what I told you. That map will show you where Henry is only when you stop denying who you really are. I'll make sure to send Henry regards"

And just like that, all the boys are gone and we are left alone in the camp and I am left with an uneasy feeling inside my chest. This was supposed to have worked. I was supposed to get my son back and impress Emma with my abilities but now I just feel angry and embarrassed. If the only way we can get that map to work is by Emma accepting who she really is, then we are all screwed.