Part Ten

I watch as Emma keeps staring at the parchment while her idiot parents are looking hopeful at her. It's sad to watch, really. It was sad the first time around and it's sad now. I give up waiting and go into the jungles to clear my brain…and eyes.

I still can't' believe the spell didn't work. Well, to be fair, it did work. It led us to the demon boy, but I can't believe it was a trap! Honestly, I have no idea why I'm waiting around for Emma to figure out that map because even if she does, it will only lead us to another trap. He wouldn't just give the map to Henry if he wasn't hoping for Emma to figured it out. Why? I have no idea!

What an epic fail this night was! Gods, I just want to find my son. I just want to take Henry and bring him back to Storybrooke. Back home. I walked to a trunk (This jungle is full of it) and seat down heavily on it. I'm exhausted! But even if I did try, I doubt I would be able to get any sleep. Besides, I supposed it will be morning in just a few hours and then we'll go back out there to look for Henry regardless of the map.

At least the prospect of finally finding him took my mind away from thoughts of Emma. The dream I was having when she woke me up was…not the kind of dream I should be having of her. Not that I should be having any sort of dreams about her, but Gods! Why? Just why? Why her? Maybe this is my punishment. Maybe this is my punishment for what I did to her parents and…her. I destroyed her life and I honestly don't think there is a way around that. I doubt Emma will ever forgive me for taking her away from her parents and inflict upon her a miserable life even though it wasn't directly my doing.

And why should I care about her forgiveness? I sigh heavily. Your fucking idiot, how, just how could you be so stupid? Gods, Regina, what the hell is wrong with you? Well, better not get into that right now, otherwise, I might never leave Neverland. I just need to find Henry. I just need to find my little Prince and taking him back home and then everything will be back to normal. Even if my feelings for Emma aren't stress-induced, at least in Storybrooke I can ignore her, and hopefully, with time, they will go away completely. Who knows? Maybe Emma and the one-hand wonder might actually fall in love with each other and make things much easier for me because if that what she chose to go for, I will definitely be dodging a ball there.

But then there are these things, you know? These little things that Emma says, like when they were inside the pirate's ship and she said 'they' no longer interested her. What was that supposed to mean? And that comment, saying I'm beautiful? That was what triggered all of that inside of me. And the moment we had earlier, I wasn't alone, right? I mean, yes I wanted to kiss her, I admit that but Emma wanted to kiss me too, didn't she? I didn't imagine all of that, did I? Gods, I wish I could hate her just for that!

"Regina?" Emma's voice comes behind me and I can help the jump "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

"It's okay" I smile a little "Did you make the map work yet?"

"No!" Emma sighs "And staying back there with them wasn't helping either"

"I can imagine"

"Do you mind if I sit?" Emma asks "I'm pretty tired of standing"

"Be my guest"

"Thanks,"

Emma sits down next to me and my body betrays me as I feel an unwanted shiver when her bare arm brushes against mine and once again, I wish I wasn't wearing a jacket. Emma looks at the map in her hand, frowning in frustration and I feel sorry for her. I really do, and not in a way of pity, not in a way that diminishes her. I share her frustration. It's the same as mine.

"You'll get there" The words come out of my mouth before I can even think about them.

"How?" Emma sighs "I tried everything!"

"Obviously, you didn't"

"I did, Regina!" Emma says "There is nothing here"

"You have to accept who you are, Emma," I say "You have to own it"

"I do!" Emma says "I do own it, Regina! I know who I am, I know I'm the fucking product of true love or whatever, I know I'm a fairytale character daughter and I know that…"

"That what?"

Emma turns to look at me and it takes my breath away how much you can see just by looking into her eyes. She bears her entire soul in them, one just has to look, really look at her to realize that. The hurt, the uncertainty that crosses them right before my eyes its almost too much for me to handle. I want to look away, but I can't.

"I'm the fucking savior" Emma finally says.

"You don't really believe that" I smile softly at her.

"I do! I broke your curse, didn't I?"

"You don't own it, Emma," I say "You believe you are the savior because of the things you've done and seen ever since, but you don't own that. Why?"

"Because I don't want to be" Emma shouts "Ever since I find out what Henry was telling me was true and I broke the curse, well, everything suck"

"You are right about that"

"I don't want this. I don't want this responsibility. It's too much!"

"But you have it," I say "That is what you were made for"

"Yeah, and I supposed knowing that is any better?"

"I guess…not," I say cautiously.

"When we were out there, I was fighting this boy, this lost boy, and…"

"And what?" I ask softly.

"Nothing," Emma sighs "Never mind"

I move closer to her and put my hand on her thigh. I don't mean anything other than to bring some sort of comfort, to show her that it's okay for her to keep talking. Emma turns to look at me and again, it's almost too much for me to handle all the hurt that crosses her eyes all at once. I wish I could do more. I wish I could wrap my arms around her, I wish I could kiss her hair and tell her everything was going to be okay, that we are going to find Henry and that we are going to bring him back home and that she will never have to go through any of this ever again. I wish I was brave enough to do this, but instead, I just keep my hand in place on her thigh and I just wait for her to talk again. Emma looks away from me and stares out the woods in front of us. It's quiet and the silence between us stretches but it's not uncomfortable. I know I should move my hand away from her leg, but I'm afraid if I do that, I will break some sort of invisible spell between us and that's the last thing I want. Eventually, Emma does that herself and the sound of her voice in the silent night almost takes me by surprise.

"When I looked at his face, I saw me"

"Go on," I squeeze her thigh softly.

"The look in his eyes. The despair, I had it back when I was in the foster system. Just a lost little girl who didn't matter, who cant think she ever would. A little girl who cried herself to sleep because she wanted her parents so bad and could never understand why they gave her up"

I take a deep breath as I hear the words coming out of Emma's mouth. The guilty that strikes me at that moment is bigger than I ever thought it would be. This is my fault, partially it's my fault. I can't be blamed for her never been adopted, never been loved. That was her curse, I suppose. The price she had to pay for being the savior but if it wasn't for me and my actions, she wouldn't have to go through all of that. I feel guilty, yes, but do I regret it? No! I can't because it gave us our son and Henry, my boy, he is something I will never regret.

"But you found them," I say as I remove my hand from her leg "Is it really that late?"

"I don't know" Emma cries "It's just on this island I…I don't feel like a hero or a savior. I just feel like what I've always been. An orphan"

I feel my eyes fill with tears now and I have to look away in order to not let them fall. I can't. I look down to try and get my thoughts and feelings in order when I see the parchment suddenly come to life between us. It's the map. It…it worked.

"Emma" I whisper.

"What?" Emma asks.

"Look"

Emma follows my gaze and her eyes widened when she sees the map drawn in what before was just a useless piece of paper. The change in features is fast and I'm relieved not only because the map is working now, but because Emma's face doesn't have that, too much to handle, pain that was spread all over her beautiful face.

"What happened?" Emma asks.

"You accepted who you are," I say softly.

"Oh!" Emma says "shit"

She let out a small smile with her last sentence and I smile sympathetically at her. I can only imagine how painful it was for her to let all of that out, especially in front of me. The deepest of her pain is something I can understand, I suppose. I know what it feels like to carry something so heavy inside of you, I know what it feels like to be lost.

"We need to tell the others," Emma says using the back of her hand to clear the tears.

"Yes, we do," I say.

But I wish we didn't. I wish it was just me and Emma. I wish we could just take the map and go after our son ourselves without the others. I don't see why we need them now and this would be so much faster if it was just us.

"Regina?"

"Right behind you dear"

Emma slowly starts to walk back to where we set camp. I figured she would be running to the others to tell them that the map is working, but she doesn't. She waits until I'm right behind her and we make our way back. She only runs when we are close enough that we can see them.

"The map is working," Emma says "We know where Henry is"

Hooks comes to stand right beside her and I have to suppress the eye-rolling when he takes the map from her hand poses as he examines the parchment.

"We are here at the southern tip of the island, in the middle of the dark jungle," He says the obvious "And Pan's camp lies due North"

"It's where he is keeping Henry," Emma says.

"Now that we know where he is keeping Henry hostage," I say "What are we waiting for?"

Hook looks at me with that smug expression that never seems to leave his face and tells me about the traps and misfortunes that we might find along the way. As if I don't know that already. As if I haven't been here long enough to see them. The Charming idiot agrees with him and starts to talk about a new plan of action and I'm not sure I like this. It should just be me and Emma. We have the map, I can just poof us to where he is and take him by surprise without warning. I understand this was impossible to do before but not now. Not now that we have the map, not now that we know where Henry is.

"It's time we stop playing his game and he starts playing ours," Emma says.

"And If I disagree?" I ask.

"Go ahead but I think you know our best chances are together," Emma says.

"You better be right"

I walk away from them because I know it's to no vail to try and speak my mind. It has nothing to do with the look of hurt on Emma's face when I suggest the possibility of not going with them. Maybe I should tell her my plan. We have been friendly towards one another, perhaps if I could hold my temper I could explain my plan to her, how we don't need Hook to get us to Henry anymore. Our chances are better together, just Emma and I.

Gods, what am I talking about? Did I really just thought that? Was I really only thinking about saving Henry? I need to stop this. I need to stop this ridiculous fantasy that Emma and I could be more than just…former enemies? It doesn't matter now. We have the map and hopefully, the mission to save Henry will end soon along with any feelings for the Charming's offspring.