"Focus"

I said as I look up at Emma from the rock I'm sitting on.

We have been doing this literally all day, from the second I woke up this morning until now, way past sunset.

And I have accomplished nothing.

Another day wasted, a day where I could be out there looking for my son.

This is so frustrating.

I don't even know why am I really doing this, it's so clear to me by now that Emma doesn't want to learn magic.

Not really!

And the more she fails the anger I get.

And the anger I get, the meaner I am to her.

And I hate myself a little for having to push her this hard, to have to be this hard on her.

But if this is what I have to do for her to access her magic so we can defeat Pan, so be it.

It's better if she hates me.

Who knows?

With the way things are going, I might end up hating her again myself.

Gods, I wish I was so lucky.

Emma is staring hard at the pile of woods I put on the ground.

All I asked of her was to light up the fire.

That's it.

Just a little fire.

And yet, she can't even reproduce that.

It's so frustrating.

And it's time to be hard. Again!

"Concentrate," I say angrily as I rose from the rock I was sitting on.

"It's kinda hard when you are talking in my ear," Emma says angrily back at me.

"And when the wind blows," I say, feeling the anger flow freely inside me as I walk around Emma "Or it's raining" I stop right next to her "Or someone is shooting arrows at you"

A blow of warm breeze passes through us and the smell of Emma's shampoo invades my nostrils.

I ignore the way her scent makes me feel and push myself away from her.

Put the façade back on.

Ignore the little ache in my heart when I force myself to be even worse to her.

"Yes, concentration is hard," I say, arms cross walking around her again "That's the point"

I see Emma straightened her posture, and I know this is the perfect opportunity to push her.

Go for the kill.

I stop next to her again and let the mix of anger and desire dance on the top of my tongue as I say my next words.

"Find your anger, and use it to focus"

"No, it has to be a way without going dark," Emma says looking angrily back at me.

And I have just about enough with her.

"You are such a pathetic waste of ability," I say walking away from her.

"And you are a monster," Emma says behind me.

I turn back at her, ready to reply to her little comment when another scent invades my nostrils.

"You smell that?" I ask Emma.

"What?" She says petulantly back at me.

"Smoke," I smile pointing at the woods I had put on the ground earlier.

I walk away from Emma still smiling and go inside the woods.

I walk deep inside of this damn jungle, trying to get as far away from her as I can.

How dare she?

Call me a monster?

Yes, okay, I supposed I have been hard on her for two days now, but who the fuck can blame me?

She is pathetic!

If she used half her excuses not to do things properly to actually do them, we would be halfway after Henry by now.

Who the fuck does she think she is to call ME a monster?

I bury my face inside my hands and suppress the urge to scream.

It hurt!

Hearing Emma call me a monster hurt.

Deeper than it should have.

I should never have allowed her to penetrate this deep inside my heart.

Gods, I'm so pathetic!

I let myself in too deep into this fantasy of Emma.

And why?

Because she looked lovingly at me? Held me in her arms? Defended me from her mother? Did the decent thing?

How could I possibly ever mistake those actions with…Oh, Gods, help me… with love?

How could I be such a fool to ever think this was reciprocal?

It's not.

Emma doesn't love me.

She never did.

She thinks I'm a monster!

The tears fall freely down my face and I use the back of my hand to clean them.

Great, now I'm crying! And my heart is squeezing inside my chest in such an uncomfortable manner that it's almost painful.

A monster!

That's what I am to her.

A monster!

"Regina?" Emma's voice shouts behind me "Regina, where the fuck are you?"

I look back at the sound of her voice and only catch a glimpse of her blond hair mixed with the green of the trees. I cannot allow her to see me like this, I rather die than let Emma seen me having a breakdown over her.

I look forward again and quickly wave my hands in the air to clean my face from the tears.

"Regina?" Emma calls my name again.

I don't want to see her!

I can't!

I know a place I can magic myself without being split in half by a tree or poisoned with dream shade.

I clear my throat and close my eyes while I visualize the place I want to go clearly inside my head. I lift my hands up and I'm just about to summon up my magic when…

"No, please don't," Emma said desperately behind me "Please, don't go. Please?"

"What do you want, Miss Swan?" I ask as harshly as I can without turning around.

"I'm sorry," Emma says "I am so sorry, Regina"

"About what, dear?"

"For what I called you," Emma says, her voice breaking a little "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to say that"

"It's quite alright, dear," I say "I've been call worse"

"Can you please look at me?" Emma asks.

"Why?"

"Please?" Emma begs "Please look at me"

I close my eyes and shake my head while trying to decide if I should turn around or not. I know my face is clean from the tears, my magic took care of that.

But can I keep it straight while facing her?

"Please, Regina," Emma says her voice closer to me now "Look at me"

There is something in her voice, something so broken and vulnerable that makes me feel that uncomfortable squeeze in my chest again. I turn around slowly and I'm faced with Emma, standing right in front of me.

"I'm sorry," Emma says looking deep inside my eyes "I'm really sorry, Regina"

"Why?" I ask seriously "It's what you think, isn't it? It's what all of you think"

"That's not true," Emma says "I don't think that"

"You literally called me a monster, dear" I smile.

My heart isn't in it.

"I was upset," Emma sighs "You were being mean and I couldn't… I couldn't do what I had to do with you staring at me"

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want to disappoint you," Emma shakes her head "Because this ridiculous part of me wanted you to be proud but I can't concentrate when you are too close…"

"Why can't you concentrate when I'm close?" I ask.

"You know why," Emma says looking at me.

"I've no idea what are you talking about, dear," I say "I personally think that…"

I can't finish my sentence because suddenly, Emma grabs the lapel of my jacket and crush our lips together.

I am so shocked by the sudden movement that I can't even react.

My eyes are still open while Emma presses her lips against mine.

And just when my brain finally caught up with her action, Emma breaks away from me.

She is looking at me expecting, her breathing slightly heavy.

I have no words.

I open and close my mouth a few times, the feelings of her lips still burning against mine, but no words come out of my mouth.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry," Emma whispers, "I thought… I thought we were on the same page, I thought… Oh my God, I am so stupid"

Emma lets out a nervous laugh that I swear it's the cutest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. She scratches her forehead as she apologizes again, and I can't take it a second of this anymore.

She shouldn't apologize for this. She should never apologize for kissing me because this is exactly what I want her to do over and over and over again.

So, I do the only thing I can think of to shut her up.

I walk in her direction and grab her beautiful face with both my hands and kiss her.

And it's like heaven.

Our lips move perfectly against one another.

Emma's lips are soft and warm and make me think of all sorts of crazy things, like how Emma feels like home.

She puts her arms around my waist and pulls me closer as if my body wasn't already glued to hers. Her tongue timidly asks for permission to enter my mouth and I let her because I want to feel everything that is Emma.

Her mouth tastes like vanilla, the same as those little sweet fruits we have been eating here and something else that is entirely Emma, and I quite like the taste.

I could get used to this taste invading me for the rest of my life.

Emma pulls away slightly and bites my lower lip and I moan embarrassedly inside her mouth but I don't have time to care. Not when she both smiles and kisses me at the same time.

Not when my heart is jumping so hard inside my chest that I feel like it's going to break free at any given second.

Not when every cell in my body is coming to life.

Not when I feel my magic running uncontrollably inside my veins.

Not when all my dreams have finally come true.

And Gods, how reality is so much better!

Sadly, And I do say that with a heavy heart, eventually the need for air is just too much for the both of us and we have to break apart.

And then the reality of what I have just done, of what we have done comes crashing down, all at once when we look breathless at each other.

We crossed a line.

And there is no going back now.

"I've been wanting to do this for so long," Emma smiles.

"You have?" I whisper, unable to look away from her face.

"I was waiting for you to make the first move," Emma laughs.

"Me?" I ask confused "Why me?"

"I wasn't sure you were into me or not," Emma says "I gave you all the clues and I was just waiting for you to do something about it"

"Well, you were very confusing," I say "With all that flirting with the pirate"

"Yeah, you look cute when you are jealous," Emma winks at me.

"Excuse me?" I say outrageous "I was never jealous"

"Yes, you were!" Emma smiles.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" I cross my arms.

"As I said, I was waiting for you to make the first move. I didn't want to embarrass myself" Emma says "I almost lost hope, actually. I thought I was getting all wrong"

Emma takes a step in my direction. She comes close to me again, so close that I shut my eyes, waiting for her lips to be on mine again.

But she doesn't kiss me, even though her lips are so close to mine that I can feel her lips moving against mine when she speaks again.

"But I'm not, am I?"

I open my eyes and look at her.

Gods, she takes my breath away.

How can a single creature be this beautiful?

Emma is looking intensely at me, waiting for an answer.

I can run away.

Pretend she got it all wrong.

Crush her hopes, right here and then, and put an end to this insanity.

Because this is insanity, isn't it?

It's Emma and me. How could this ever work?

I could crush her hopes.

I should crush her hopes.

Except that crushing her hopes would crush mine in the process.

And after everything I've been through, I think it's fair to say that I deserve this.

I deserve happiness.

And right now, Emma is the only thing making me happy.

The only thing holding me together until we can find Henry.

"No, you are not," I finally say.

Emma smiles and I can help the smile that forms on my lips too.

Gods, this is crazy!

And yet, it's one of the sanest things I have ever done in my life.

Emma leans forward and captures my lips with hers. It's clumsy because the two of us are still smiling like two idiots, but I don't care.

I just want her close.

"Emma?" Snow shouts "Regina? Where are you guys?"

Emma takes a step back and sighs while I roll my eyes.

Of course, Snow had to show up.

Why wouldn't she show up to shatter my happiness?

This is literally the only thing she is good at it.

"I swear to God, she has an internal alarm clock for when we are having a moment,"

Emma says and I smile, because yeah, that is true.

And as much as it pains me, I take a step back away from her.

And the look of hurt that crosses Emma's eyes before she understands why am I pushing away from her is one that I never want to see on her again.

Not if I can help.

Emma nods and turns around, walking back in the direction of her mother's voice.

I follow her from a distance, admiring the view of her backside that I can't wait to sink my nails on.

"We are here," Emma says and her mother quickly makes her way to us.

"Why do you two look so flustered?" Snow asks looking at Emma and then me "Were you two having a fight again?"

"No…" Emma says.

"Yes," I say at the same time.

"Yes or no, which one is it?" Snow tilts her head to the side looking confused at us.

"Well…" Emma starts to say but I don't let her finish.

"We were having a small argument, yes," I say "Emma needs to focus better on her lessons if we are to have any chance to defeat Pan once we find Henry"

"You are being too hard on her, Regina," Snow says.

"No, I'm not," I say seriously "And now if you will excuse me, I'm tired and I need to rest"

I walk past Snow without looking at Emma even though I know she is probably wearing one of those cute confused expressions of her.

I walk back to the camp, going as fast as I can in an attempt to make it there before they do.

I walk past Hook and Charming without bothering to exchange a word with them as I magic my tent and go inside.

I sit down on my bed and close my eyes, touching my lips with my fingers, remembering how it felt to have Emma's lips moving against mine.

Gods, how I want, no, how I need her in my bed right now.

"What the hell was that?" Emma says angrily, entering my tent.

I open my eyes quickly to look back at her.

Oh Gods, please, do not allow her to have paid attention to what I was doing before she invaded my home.

"How did you get past the protection spell?" I ask.

"It's just a shock, I don't even feel it anymore," Emma says "So?"

"What?" I ask looking at her "You wanted me to tell your mother we were flustered because we were kissing?"

"Well, no," Emma frowns.

"And did you have any other excuse to tell her?" I ask simply.

"I didn't exactly have any," Emma says "But you didn't have to make an idiot out of me either"

"That wasn't my intention," I say truthfully "I just didn't want to give your mother any reason to doubt our answer, that was all"

"Okay," Emma nods "So, we are cool, right?"

"Yes, Miss Swan," I smile "We are cool"

"Good," Emma smiles back walking in my direction "Because I've been wanting to make out with you in that bed for such a long time now"

I don't even have time to react as Emma grabs my face between her hands again and kisses me.

I fall back in bed, with her body on top of mine and I swear that is one of the best feelings in the universe.

She is not heavy and when her knee adjusts between my legs to get a better position, I feel a shiver that runs through my whole body.

We have been kissing for so long now that I feel my lips getting numb. At some point, we moved to the center of the bed and I was even able to magic our boots off our feet.

We are glued to one another, facing each other. Emma's eyes are closed while I'm tracing her beautiful face with a digit. Our lips are still touching but all I feel from Emma is warm breath as her breathing gets heavier and heavier. I too, feel my eyelids starting to drop and when I close my eyes, I smile, as the only thing I feel is Emma's body pressed against mine and our lips touching as I drift off to seep.