The Touhou Project series of games belongs to ZUN and Team Shanghai Alice.
The tall Kuma towered over Hoshiguma in most other occasions, but now...
"How come I have known nothing of you for the past 300 years?" he was kneeling before the might of Yuugi's mother mode. 'Welcome to the club. Get ready to be lectured for a couple hours and a couple broken bones. Her love's tough.' Shuten kept it all to himself.
The screams and cheers that came from outside still were at full power, and they wouldn't seem to stop any time soon.
"And you!" he gulped. "Good job. You started a huge party Hell-wide. I love that. If you keep it up, I may or may not forgive the fact that you drank yourself to clinical death." "Nepotism..." Kuma murmured. "You're just as close to her as I am, prick." Shuten whispered quietly his complaints.
"Now, Kuma-kun, I'm not going to punish you if you tell me the truth." "Lies! Don't trust her words!" Shuten tried giving advice to help his current brother-in-pains. "But if you don't..." IT'S LIKE NIAGARA FALLS OUT HERE! "I was managing an Underground Oni yakuza group. Please have mercy." The floor collapsed under Yuugi's heel, which landed right next to him. Her forced smile said it all. She was not happy.
"May you be reborn into a better next life." a quiet prayer for a damned soul.
Yuugi kicked into the side of Kuma's head. "Ouch." Sympathy, and then, a crack. "Oh shit." 'BROTHER IS DOWN!'
After mourning him silently, Kuma got back up like it was nothing. 'Ah right, he could do that.' He cracked his neck a bit, imitating the earlier sound. 'Fun party trick for the most part. A cause for worry for the other.'
Hoshiguma brought them both to the streets to enjoy the festival that was brought upon Shuten's reveal. She went to a brewery to get alcohol after leaving them both at the shrine. The shopkeeper looked terrified, and boy should he have been. They saluted him and paid their respects for the poor oni. Man wasn't going to get out with a single bottle in store. Kuma put his hand on Shuten's shoulder.
"Well then, let's get to drinking. Don't worry, Aniki, I'll cover for everything. I know just the place..." He gave a thumbs up.
'Yes!'
Kuma led them both to a very narrow alleyway. 'I didn't even know alleyway bars existed here.' they sidestepped forwards until they were in front of a door at the end of it.
"This is one hell of a literal hole-in-the-wall place."
"Well, they call it the Kabe-no-Ana for a reason. Heh."
"That far, huh? Let's get in, then." Kuma knocked the door in a pattern. It seemed to inform them of a special guest. The door was immediately opened to them.
It was a rustic, brick-walled western style bar. It had fancy decor on the walls, but it looked just modest enough to not call too much attention. Multiple oni of various shapes, clothes and sizes sat on the various tables. Some played with hanafuda cards, others drank, and most just discussed with each other over how much alcohol they could handle. There was a quite cheery atmosphere, but certainly more sophisticated than the mess that was on the streets.
-Kabe-no-Ana, Former Hell.-
"Man, you should've brought me here earlier. This looks exactly like the kind of place I'd dream of."
"Oh, Kuma-sama! Welcome back! It is quite strange of you to bring a pros-"
"This is a good MALE friend of mine." he fake coughed "Your throat shall be ripped out the moment you finish those words. Capisce?" His hands were pointed at the attendant's neck. He didn't flinch. How professional.
"Understood, Kuma-sama. I shall lead you immediately to one of the VIP rooms. May I ask for the guest's name?"
"Shizumu." Shuten replied.
"Good. Now, come with me."
They were lead upstairs into a fancier, but still vintage style room. The smell of wood was wonderful l and drinks were already on the table. 'Delightful.' Pick up his glass. Drink. Enjoy the gentle slide of the wine into his throat.
"I haven't had anything this good since that night at mount Ooe. That left me dead drunk. Literally."
"Best place in town. Great service, and my group has control over it. You can't ask for better. Now, can you tell me that about being a god?"
"Well, it was a hundred years ago. I can't remember more: this stuff needs a lot of braincells to enjoy. Maan..." He drank it slowly, contemplating the taste in bliss.
"True... been in their collection for ages now. One of the best wines in existence, 'Santa Heroína de Castilla-La Mancha'. I got my hands on it, and boom. Infinite heaven-tier wine. Well, practically, as long as I keep on cloning it every day." Shuten took a swig from a gourd he was holding on to. He had learned some years ago how to make divine elixirs, which he mixed into his sake to add a little buzz. They still were not quite as good as the priests', though. It couldn't compare to the amazing wine.
"Dude, you're the best. C'mere! Give your boss a hug!" Drunk. Next thing on his mind was kissing him in the lips and having beautiful oni-god children. Dirty alcohol-sucker.
'Bad idea.' See? You shouldn't have told him.
"Thanks, but I have to reject. You better keep your mind on someone better." Shuten felt betrayed by his best guy-friend. He begged him. "Dude... C'mon, everyone needs a lil' something in their lives..." Shuten had speed drunk through the bottles Kuma ordered. 'Man, I need to catch up to him. Shuten's getting better at turbo-chugging. Wait- oh CRAP his accent's kicking in!' Shuten at most times kept his violent side on hold out of his own will. One of the exceptions was early in the morning, and the others were when he liked the drinks a little too much.
Shizumu threw himself onto him like a rabid dog. Kuma multiplied himself and transferred his consciousness over to the clone immediately. No looking back. Open the door, cross and shut. "Sorry, but sacrifices must be made." A lowered hat. Unspeakable sounds. 'God the couch is creaking.' he thought. 'Shuten is better at it drunk, huh?. That's quite an... interesting technique. Oh dear. hey, me, news: Aniki is one hell of a power bottom.' his clone transferred his thoughts over to him. 'Don't want to be on the other end of that, despite how it may sound.'
-2 hours later, Kabe-no-Ana, Former Hell.-
'We're still at it. You really don't want to be on the other end now.' He'd seen various waiters come into their room with 'Eientei-brand energy drinks'. They saw his miserable expression just outside the door. They knew what was up. They mourned his clone and he did the same. 'No way I'd survive that and keep a normal relationship with Boss.' Shuten was really pent up. 'Damn.'
Another 2 hours later, Shuten came out the door looking quite messy, drunk, and horribly satisfied. Kuma looked into the room. Half of it had been wrecked by the 'session' they'd had there. Clothes and bottles were on the floor. Kuma Two rested on the couch, dead still and his hair had faded into white. 'By the love of the Hakurei deity and everything that is divine, what the fuck?' he stared at the diminutive figure behind him after turning around. "Thanks for the service, Kakushi-kun." Shuten yawned and gave him a peck on the cheek. 'That was not service, it was slaughter.' He had to absorb his body or else it would rot in a couple weeks, but the experience would come along with it. A lot of hesitation. His body got up from the couch, suddenly clothed. He gave him a knowing smile. He headed to the lower floors of the Underground, where he could ask Utsuho to annihilate him. "Godspeed, brother. You shall be remembered as one of my best clones." "Aye aye, sir. Give my successor a better deal when I'm gone." "That I'll do."
The man exited a legend. The bartender saluted. The other patrons did, too. 'What a beast.'
Yuugi watched from the crowd outside how they came out from the alleyway. Shuten was holding on to Kuma like a clingy girlfriend might. A white haired Kuma flew in the direction to the elevator of the Palace of Earth Spirits. She could guess what happened. She ignored it and kept drinking. The shopkeep had been completely drained of his sake stock. She pulled out a massive coin bag and threw it over to him. It covered for everything, but building up the sake collection once again would take decades to do. He teared up.
Today was a good day at Former Hell.
This is official: Shizumu is alcoholsexual. Have fun with that.