"Just one more day. You can do it."
"I can't." Blaine mumbled into the couch pillow lying face down. "Go on without me."
"But you only have two finals left." Kurt bent down and shook his boyfriend's shoulder. "Come on. Get up."
"Can't."
"Aren't they the easiest of them all too?" Kurt asked.
"Shut up. I'm trying to suffocate myself over here. It doesn't work if I keep having to open my mouth to answer you." Blaine huffed.
Kurt rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to shake his head. "Sometimes I wonder which of us is more dramatic, Blaine."
Blaine began making hacking noises into the pillow, which clearly meant he was dying.
"I'm leaving you here now, okay? Please don't get spit on the pillows."
"You're just going to leave me alone to die?" Blaine looked up, making his eyes big and round.
"Didn't you just tell me to?" Kurt laughed.
"That doesn't mean you have to go along with it." Blaine pouted.
"What do you want for dinner?" Kurt asked, still laughing.
"I don't know. I don't plan to make it to dinner." Blaine responded, letting his head fall back onto the couch. "Because I plan to die."
"Melody will be disappointed tomorrow." Kurt said in a sing song voice.
"Huh?" Blaine looked up once again, this time looking confused.
"Remember? I've told you this, like, four times. She's staying the night with us so Carole and Dad can go to that whatever it was. That meeting in Indiana."
"Oh. For the garage." Blaine finally pushed himself into a sitting position. "I forgot that was tomorrow. Are you going to be home? I get home later on Thursdays."
"Yeah. All I have to do is go in and turn my portfolios in." Kurt nodded, reaching over and playing with Blaine's hair. "I'll be back around noon."
"Cool." Blaine yawned a bit and stretched his arms out. "You're going out with Quinn and Mercedes on Sunday night, right?"
"Yes. Why? Do you want to come with us?"
"Wes gets back in town on Sunday... I think Sunday." Blaine grinned. "We're going out."
"Oh, God." Kurt laughed. "Alright. Fine. I'll find something to do Sunday while you're out wreaking havoc on the city."
"I mean, you can come if you want." Blaine offered.
"Ohhhh no. No, sir." Kurt shook his head. "Let me get used to all three of you in the apartment before I 'go out' with you three."
"You make it sound like you have to mentally prepare yourself to be around all three of us." Blaine laughed. He frowned when Kurt didn't respond. "Hey! We're not that bad!"
"No, no, you're not bad." Kurt said quickly. "But… I don't know how to put this… you three are a little… "
"A little?"
"Loud."
"I can handle that."
"And obnoxious."
Blaine gasped. "Me?"
"The obnoxious bit is mostly Wes; I'll give you that much. You're just very excitable. Don't get me wrong. It's adorable. But I think it's fair to say that it does require mental preparation to 'go out' with you three."
"Don't think you can keep up?" Blaine smirked.
"Excuse me?" Kurt scoffed.
"Oh, nothing." Blaine said, still smirking. "I just don't think you'd be able to handle really going out with us three. You know, if we went to drink or a party."
"I could handle myself just fine, thank you very much." Kurt said, looking highly offended.
"Kurt, me after Rachel's party was nothing compared to some of the other stuff I've done. David has an entire section of a journal dedicated to stories." Blaine said, looking very serious. "It's thirty two pages long."
"Is it really?" Kurt asked, his eyes widening.
"He says it is." Blaine shrugged and stood up. "He's been known to fabricate things though, so I wouldn't trust all of them as being completely true."
"Going to study?" Kurt asked, standing up straight.
"Mhmm. Do you want to work on your portfolio in bed with me when I study?"
"I would love too." Kurt smiled adorably and linked arms with him. "But if you think you're getting the big pillow, you're sadly mistaken."
***WBUCT***
"This is going to be so much fun! Let's see! We got the new toys you bought for her. We went and got food, baby wipes and diapers in case they don't bring enough…" Blaine said the next evening, not even five minutes after getting home and declaring that he was done with school 'forever—well, forever until August!'
"Blaine, calm down!" Kurt laughed. "Take a minute to breathe. You just got done with finals. Don't you want to rest?"
"Rest is for people who don't have adorable infants coming to spend the night!" Blaine plopped on the couch excitedly. "We're going to watch Disney movies and we'll probably play that game where she pretends to ignore me and then we'll play chase the puppy."
"Don't forget how you two make faces and noises at each other and try to imitate one another." Kurt snorted, sitting on the couch with him.
"We're totally watching the Little Mermaid first, so don't even think about putting Lady and the Tramp on." Blaine said, pointing at the coffee table where The Little Mermaid was already sitting. "First." He pointed across the room to Lady and the Trap. "Second."
"Oh my God." Kurt laughed again. "You're so excited for her to stay over. You don't know what it's going to be like to have her without Dad around, you know? She's such a Daddy's girl."
"But she loves Blaine and big brother Kurt." Blaine reassured him. "And of course I'm excited. She's my little buddy."
"I just hope you don't get too excited. She might not be very, uh, happy without Carole and Dad around. This is her first time away from home without them. Carole has always been there to put her to bed." Kurt said.
"Oh, she'll be fine." Blaine said, shaking his head. "You worry way too much."
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up." Kurt said, standing when there was a quiet knock on the door.
"She's here!" Blaine jumped up. "I'm so excited. Maybe we can do this every weekend."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here." Kurt kissed his cheek and then opened the door, a big smile on his face. "Oh, look at her!"
Melody toddled into the apartment, wearing an adorable t-shirt and jeans outfit that Kurt had never seen before. She marched right past him as if she owned the place, a stuffed bear that Blaine had given her tucked under her arm.
"She's in a bit of a mood today." Carole warned as Blaine bent down to scoop her up and she toddled in the other direction, shooting him a look. "I think she knows we're l-e-a-v-i-n-g."
"Why are you spelling it out?" Blaine tilted his head. "She doesn't know what lea—ooh."
"Try to distract her so Carole can sneak out." Kurt mouthed, pointing at Melody who was hitting her tiny fists on the coffee table, bear at her feet.
"Wanna see the puppy, pumpkin?" Blaine cooed, chasing her to the other side of the room and bending down. "Puppy?"
Melody nodded, reaching her little arms up and giving him a bright smile.
"You're getting so heavy." Blaine said, gently lifting her and kissing her chubby cheek. "Let's go find the puppy! We like puppies, don't we?"
Melody giggled and touched Blaine's hair, which was gelled. She pulled her hand back quickly and scowled at him, extremely confused.
"I feel the same way, Mellie." Kurt giggled.
Melody touched his hair again and let out a frustrated squeak when she was not able to pull at his curls.
"I'm sorry." Blaine laughed, kissing her cheek once again. "We can pull Kreacher's hair, though."
"Blaine!" Carole laughed. "Don't teach her bad things."
"I would never." Blaine cooed, wiggling Melody in the air. "Never, ever, ever!"
Melody giggled and reached to touch his face, grabbing his nose and holding on.
"They'll do this until you guys get back tomorrow night." Kurt laughed.
"Oh, I know. I'm sure you two are going to have a ball with her." Carole reached up and squeezed his shoulder as Blaine left the room with Melody. "I'm going to sneak out when she's distracted."
"Bye, Carole."
"Call us if you need anything at all, hon." Carole kissed his cheek.
"We'll be fine." Kurt reassured her. "Tell Dad I said hi."
Carole slipped out the door, carefully closing it behind her. Kurt moved Melody's two bags onto the couch and headed into the bedroom. Blaine was crouched down on the floor holding one of Melody's hands as she, standing, leaned over and petted Kreacher with her free hand. Kurt smiled to himself for longer than he'd like to admit before going up behind him and tickling Blaine's side. "Hello."
"Hi, there." Blaine looked back at him and smiled. "Kreacher's a big hit right now."
Kreacher, who was lying on his side and panting happily, yipped.
"Mellie likes the puppy, doesn't she?" Kurt asked, sitting down by her and petting Kreacher as well. "Blaine likes the puppy too even if he won't admit it."
Melody turned herself so she was facing them and, making eye contact with both of them, began to babble.
"Is that so?" Kurt gasped, scooping her up. He giggled when Melody nodded solemnly.
"See? I told you this was going to be fun!" Blaine said excitedly, standing up straight himself.
"Let's get Mellie some sweet potatoes." Kurt cooed as Melody tangled her fingers in his hair. "Mine isn't as fun, but maybe I can talk Blaine into washing the gel out later."
Melody giggled and pet his hair in the same way that she had Kreacher's before very clearly saying "puppy."
"I'm not a puppy, silly girl!" Kurt said as Blaine giggled. "I'm Kurt."
"Puppy." She scowled, petting his hair again.
"I love the fact that she can talk now." Blaine laughed, thoroughly enjoying the fact that Kurt couldn't possibly argue with a baby.
"Kurt." Kurt repeated. "Kurt… And, Blaine, I don't know if this actually qualifies as talking."
"Puppy!" Melody kicked out her legs, an adorable grin on her face.
"Let's try bubby." Blaine said slowly. "Or bubba."
"Puppy, puppy, puppy!" Melody screeched in laughter, throwing her arms around Kurt's neck and still kicking her legs excitedly.
"Oh my God!" Kurt exclaimed, laughing and hugging her back. "She's extra affectionate tonight. Wanna go see Blaine, Melody?"
Melody turned her head in Blaine's direction, eyes bright.
Kurt passed her over and Blaine bounced her up and down, making both noises and faces at her.
"I'm going to get her food for her dinner."
"Mmkay." Blaine said cheerfully, sitting on the couch with her. "Let's sing songs, pumpkin. The itsy bitsy spider—can you make a spider?"
Kurt laughed and went into the kitchen to get some of Melody's dinner as Blaine attempted to show her how to make a spider with her hands. He hadn't been gone a full minute when Blaine cried out.
Kurt tossed the jar he had been opening to the counter and ran into the living room. What was going on? Had Melody fallen? Or had someone broken in? Or, most likely of all options, had Kreacher destroyed something else of Blaine's?
But it was none of those things. Kurt ran in to find Blaine holding Melody out at arms length, his face screwing up as he choked out, "Gross!"
His little sister looked around the room contently, kicking her legs out.
"What is wrong with you, Blaine?" Kurt asked, eyebrow arching. Clearly his boyfriend was losing his mind.
"Kurt, she's exploded! It's all over her back!"
"Wait wha—." And then it hit him. It was probably the worst thing he'd ever smelled in his entire life. "Oh my God, that smells disgusting! Is that—No way."
"Should we… call an ambulance? This isn't normal." Blaine's expression was very serious. "I think she's legitimately exploding."
"We can't call an ambulance. She just went potty a little… forcefully. You're just going to have to change her." Kurt said calmly.
"I'm going to have to? You change her, she's your sister!" Blaine said, thrusting her in his direction.
"Yeah but you were the one that made her do it!" Kurt yelped. "Clearly you were bouncing her too much and made her sick or something. You caused it, you fix it!"
"I don't like messes!"
"I've got good clothes on!"
"And mine aren't as good?"
"You're the manlier and therefore braver one, Blaine. You should do it."
"That was a horrible thing to say." Blaine said, thrusting her towards him away. "Just for that, you should do it."
"Puppy!" Melody squealed and clapped her hands as Kreacher pranced in.
"Kurt…"
"Blaine..."
"No. I'm not doing it." Blaine said stubbornly, nose scrunched up. "I refuse."
"I'm not doing it either."
Melody looked between both boys, giggling.
"Well she can't stay like that all night. She'll get diaper rash and I'd assume that's uncomfortable."
"But—is it even normal for her to poop that much? It's... oh God, Blaine, it's on your pants."
"Fuuu-dge Popsicle." Blaine whined. "Oh my God."
"Hey! It's already on you. You do it."
"Kurt!"
"Fine, fine!" Kurt grabbed her. "I get dibs on naming our first child for this, though!"
"I'll give you anything if you make that smell go away and make her cute again." Blaine promised.
Melody scowled at him for this.
"Oh, Blaine is so mean." Kurt cooed. "Melody is still cute, isn't she?"
Melody's scowl almost immediately disappeared and she waved to Kreacher, who was hiding under the couch.
"Even the dog knows. Even the dog." Blaine said solemnly. "Well, have fun cleaning that up."
"Don't you dare. You're helping." Kurt said, his voice too sweet to actually be sweet.
"Oh my God, I can't handle this." Blaine moaned, looking as though he felt sick. "It's making me sick to my stomach."
"It's just sweet potatoes and peas, Blaine." Kurt snorted.
"Yeah. In the form of baby poop." Blaine said, running off to get a towel. He brought not one but four large ones.
Kurt began to giggle as he sat them down.
"What?" Blaine whined.
"I'm laughing because you brought four of our biggest towels when only one is probably necessary." Kurt responded smoothly. "Maybe two."
"How was I supposed to know? She pooped enough for an entire army!" Blaine scoffed. "Sorry I'm not knowledgeable in baby poop things. I hope you'll forgive me."
"Just this once, but don't let it happen again. Do you want to hold her or take the clothes off?" Kurt giggled as Melody slobbered on her own fingers.
"Hold her I guess." Blaine scrunched his nose up and held her out as far as he could. "Lesser of two evils."
"Blaine, it's just poop. It's not going to cause you to mutate or something."
"Can you guarantee that?" Blaine mumbled as Kurt unbuttoned the back of Melody's t-shirt.
Kurt just shook his head and laughed, but gagged when he peeled—literally— the shirt off. "Melody, this is disgusting."
Melody giggled and waved her hand at Blaine.
"For someone so cute, you sure do smell." Blaine coughed. "I think I'm going to be sick."
"You are not going to be sick. I thought you lived with Wes when his sister was little." Kurt said calmly, shaking his head still.
"She never had poop explosions!" Blaine exclaimed.
"Okay. I'm doing the pants now. It's probably going to be really gross." Kurt said, very slowly tugging her infant jeans off of her. "Oh my God, oh my God, gross. It's everywhere."
"Oh my God." Blaine moaned. "Melody, whatever they fed you, you are not eating tonight."
Melody just giggled and kicked her legs.
"No, no, no!" Kurt yelped. "Stay still. Blaine, it is all over her."
"It was coming out the top of her pants. I thought you'd picked up on that." Blaine grunted.
"No. I'm pretty sure it's on her neck too. No wonder it was on your pants. Basically, I'm trying to say that she needs a bath."
"Can we just put her in the sink and use the spray thingie?"
"That's disgusting!" Kurt exclaimed. "In the kitchen? I cook dinner using that sink."
Blaine just shrugged, nose scrunched up.
"You may be a bigger baby than Melody." Kurt sighed, wrapping a towel around Melody's lower half and then taking her from his boyfriend. He snorted when she gave him a baffled look. "I'm sorry, sweetie. I have no idea what I'm doing right now. Go turn on the bathtub faucet, Blaine. Make sure it's not too hot."
"That I can do." Blaine let out a relieved sigh and turned on the water, putting a stopper in the bottom of the bathtub. "It's clean, right?"
"You clean every inch of this house once a week. I'm sure it's fine." Kurt said smoothly, settling Melody into the water. "Go get her soap out of her bag. It's on the couch. And get a washcloth." He surveyed her back side. "Maybe bring them all."
"Got it." Blaine took off.
"Blaine doesn't like your poopy butt." Kurt giggled and tapped her nose. "I don't think Kurt's having babies any time soon, do you?"
Melody shook her head and giggled.
"I don't either." Kurt shook his own head and kissed her cheek.
"What do we do with her clothes?" Blaine asked, coming in with several wash cloths and her soap.
"Uhm… I've got clothes in the washer, so just… put them in a grocery bag until I can get them changed out." Kurt said distractedly. "But don't leave. After I get most of this poop off I'll have to get more water. I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. I probably should have got it all off before the water now that I think about it but it's too late now…"
Blaine sat on the edge of the tub, watching Kurt clean her off with his nose scrunched up. Melody giggled happily, looking at Blaine and babbling away.
"Those wash cloths are going to be toxic." Blaine said to no one in particular.
Kurt laughed loudly and pulled Melody out of the water. "No more poopy butt! Yay!"
Melody clapped her hands, smiling excitedly.
"Can you manage to hold her while I run new water and put these with her clothes?"
"I suppose." Blaine took Melody, but still had her out at arms length. Kurt made new bath water and disappeared with three dirty wash cloths. "That was gross, Melody. How was there even that much poop inside you?"
Melody stared at him blankly and tilted her head.
"Yeah. I don't know either." Blaine said very seriously. "It's a good thing Kurt's here or I would have sat you in a play pin and called Carole to come get you."
Kurt, who was walking in, burst into loud laughter again. "Dad would have loved that, too. Blaine will drop out of college to take care of my son but won't even change my daughter's diaper."
Melody let out a high pitched laugh, clapping her hands.
"I'm so funny." Kurt cooed, tickling her belly. "Aren't I?"
"Funny looking." Blaine teased, carefully sitting Melody in the tub.
"Says the one with the poodle hair and height deficiency." Kurt cooed to Melody, making her giggle more.
"You are borderline abusive, Kurt." Blaine laughed and moved out of the way so Kurt could sit on the edge of the tub.
Kurt sat down and grabbed a cup he had brought with him, getting Melody wet. She clapped and hit the water with her hands, splashing him. "Melody…"
She paused momentarily and immediately picked up again, with more force.
"Fine, fine, fine." Kurt rolled his eyes and began cleaning her off with soap.
"Have you done this before?" Blaine asked curiously, head tilted and watching him.
"Not exactly, but I doubt there's a wrong way to do it." Kurt shrugged, soaping up Melody's hair and making it stick up. She puffed her cheeks out and began bobbing her head up and down, clearly dancing.
"What in the world is this child doing?" Blaine laughed, actually clapping his hands.
"Say I'm dancing, Blaine. I'm an Egyptian… Or a robot, or worm. I'm not quite sure what move she's doing actually." Kurt giggled.
Melody turned herself around, splashing water at the shower wall that had been behind her.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Kurt laughed, turning her back around. "If you're going to splash anything, splash Blaine. If he has to take a shower he'll wash his hair!"
Blaine shook his head and moved away from the tub, seating himself on the closed toilet seat. "I'll watch from afar."
"Party pooper." Kurt cooed, rinsing the water off of Melody. "Blaine's a party pooper, Melody. And you're a poopy pooper."
"I'm going to laugh so hard when she goes home saying poop." Blaine giggled. "You know how much trouble Finn got in for teaching her p-i-s-s."
Kurt scooped Melody up and dried her off, pressing a noisy kiss to her cheek. "All clean!"
Melody wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his shoulder.
"Oh, you sweet thing." Kurt hugged her. "You're almost as sweet as my Blaine, aren't you?"
Melody just tangled her tiny hand in his hair and nuzzled him again.
"She's so cute." Blaine said, a silly smile on his face.
"When she's not covered in massive amounts of poop, yes." Kurt said, smiling at Blaine.
"You did a pretty awesome job taking care of that explosion." Blaine grinned.
"And I see you changed clothes when you got the wash cloths." Kurt noted, now smirking. "Good job."
"Hey, I'm just in it for the cute stuff. Once they start spitting up and exploding, I hand them off." Blaine said, holding his hands open defensively.
"When you screamed, I thought someone was attacking you." Kurt said, eyebrow raising.
"I feared for the life of our couch, Kurt." Blaine leaned over and kissed his cheek.
"Ow!" Both Kurt and Blaine yelped and pulled away from each other. Melody, who had smacked both of them, just lowered her balled fist and giggled.
…
For however good the first part of the night had been, the last part seemed to be just as terrible. Terrible was the only word Kurt could think to describe taking turns trying to get an irritable infant to sleep… for four hours.
Honestly, Kurt thought he might just collapse soon in a dead sleep—baby wails and all. Blaine, curled on the bed and making some pretty interesting noises himself, was closer to that point than Kurt though.
"It's okay, Melody. Shh, shh, shh." Kurt whimpered, pacing the length of their bedroom in the mostly-dark and bouncing her as she wailed. They both—no, they all three needed sleep. Right then. What did it take to get a child to go to sleep? "Shh, shh, shh."
"Oh my God." Blaine moaned, covering his face with his arm. "How can she still be awake? Do you think something is wrong? Should we call your Dad?"
Melody let out a loud wail, big tears sliding down her chubby cheeks.
"Because it's been four hours, Kurt." Blaine continued as he sat up, eyes red from lack of sleep. While it was only two in the morning, he had spent days staying up late while studying for finals. He was exhausted. Beyond exhausted.
"I'm trying, Blaine. I'm sorry." Kurt whimpered again. "I already told you that you could go sleep in the living room."
"I'm not leaving you alone. Let me try again." Blaine said, standing and taking her. "Shh, shh, baby. Shh."
"She can't be sick or anything." Kurt said, sitting on the bed. "She just won't sleep."
Blaine cradled her in his arms, attempting to rock her, but she flailed angrily. "Oh my God, Kurt. She's never acted like this before."
"She wants Dad and Carole." Kurt moaned, standing back up.
Blaine moved so he was holding Melody against him again and rubbed her back. "Shh, shh, pumpkin. It's okay."
Kurt rubbed her back with one hand, rubbing at his eyes with the other and almost feeling too tired to function properly. "I'm so tired."
"Me too." Blaine said, yawning.
"Dadadadada!" Melody sobbed.
"Daddy's asleep, pumpkin. Like you should be." Blaine snuggled her close. "Shh, shh."
"It's okay, sweetie." Kurt added, still rubbing her tiny back. "Mommy and Daddy will be back tomorrow."
"I can't believe she hasn't tired herself out yet." Blaine said over her wails. "It's been four hours."
"I know that, Blaine." Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. She just keeps saying Dada over and over and over."
"I don't know either." Blaine began pacing the room, making shushing noises and rocking her. "Nothing is working!"
"Sing something?" Kurt asked.
"Sing? I don't think it's the time to sing." Blaine mumbled.
"Not to me, to her." Kurt gestured at Melody, whose wails had finally softened a little bit.
"Sing what?"
"I don't know. Anything." Kurt shrugged.
"Er… Rock a bye baby, on the tree top?" Blaine sang hesitantly, feeling extremely silly.
Melody's cries became louder again.
"You are not having that, are you?" Blaine let out a tired laugh that came out sounding grumpier than it was meant to. "Uhm, okay, okay… I know what to sing.
"Goodnight my angel,
now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be,"
Melody's sobs softened and she watched him sleepily, eyes wide.
"Someday your child may cry,
and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
there will always be a part of me,"
Blaine continued, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Kurt.
Melody wrapped her little fist around Blaine's index finger, finally quiet but not yet asleep.
"Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on,"
Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine as he sang softly, wondering how on Earth he had found someone as perfect as Blaine Anderson. He was in awe of his wonderful boyfriend who, even running on so little sleep, was being so absolutely sweet to his baby sister. In awe of how beautiful his voice was as he sang, slowly lulling Melody to sleep. In awe of just how beautiful Blaine and everything he did was, really. How had he gotten so lucky?
"They never die
That's how,"
Melody's eyes began to droop but she kept a firm grasp on Blaine's finger, her other hand gripping his t-shirt. She was now completely silent apart from the occasional sniffle.
"you and I
will be."
Blaine finished and looked down at Melody, whose eyes were on him but beginning to close. Kurt reached over, stroking her cheek with his finger and resting his head on Blaine's shoulder.
Within two minutes, Melody's breathing evened out and she loosened her grip on Blaine's finger and his shirt.
"Thank God." Kurt whispered, very gently taking her. "Think we can risk putting her in the play pin?"
"I don't think babies are supposed to sleep in beds." Blaine said, shrugging one shoulder and running his hand through his curls sleepily. "But I don't know for sure."
"Alright." Kurt leaned over and gently placed Melody in her play pen. He screwed his own face up when she whined, but sighed in relief when she curled slightly and settled.
"C'mere. Lay down." Blaine collapsed into a laying position and let out a huge yawn.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Kurt said, throwing himself onto the bed and half landing on Blaine.
"Urgh." Blaine grunted as he draped an arm around Kurt. "You're definitely eating more."
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, looking up and scowling.
Blaine giggled and tugged him back down, fingers running up and down his back. "Shh, baby's asleep."
"You're so mean." Kurt grumbled into his chest, relaxing against him.
"But you love me." Blaine grinned, pulling him even closer and tangling their legs together.
"I suppose one could say that."
***WBUCT***
"My baby girl!" Carole exclaimed, scooping Melody into her arms the second the door was open. Melody bounced up and down excitedly, curling into her mother's arms and sucking happily on her pacifier.
A few seconds later Burt came in, carefully closing the door behind him. "Looking a little tired, boys."
Blaine, who was sitting on the couch, hunched over until his face was buried in the seat and groaned.
Burt laughed loudly. "That bad?"
"It went fine." Kurt said cheerfully.
"The circles under your eyes are worse than his." Burt chuckled, pointing at Blaine who had looked up.
"Fine? Fine?" Blaine echoed, hazel eyes wide. "Yes it was fine until the poop explosion. We are talking everywhere."
Carole laughed, kissing Melody's cheek.
"All you did was sit and moan." Kurt rolled his eyes.
"And then it was fine until bed time and—."
"Oh no." Carole gasped. "I forgot."
"Forgot what?" Blaine asked sharply, causing Burt to laugh loudly again.
"Oh, honies, I'm sorry." Carole said, covering her mouth with her free hand.
"Forgot what?" Kurt asked.
"To tell you about the swing."
"The swing!" Blaine exclaimed.
"That stupid swing!" Kurt scowled. "We forgot the stupid swing!"
"Only way I can get her to sleep." Carole said, smiling apologetically and passing Melody to Burt. "Burt can get her to sleep within a minute but when he's at work late, I have to depend on the swing."
Blaine shot the swing in the corner of the room a nasty look. "Stupid swing."
"Burt, I told you that we needed to call and check up on them again!" Carole sighed.
"And I told you that they were fully capable." Burt said. "And clearly they are. Our daughter is in one piece."
"And look, she's already asleep." Carole pointed. Melody had nestled her head between his neck and shoulder and had fallen asleep with Burt's chin rested on her head.
"We weren't capable. It took us four hours to get her to sleep." Kurt frowned.
"And she only slept for two and a half." Blaine whimpered.
"Oh, boys!" Carole went and hugged both of them. "You could have called."
"Kurt didn't want to bother you." Blaine said shortly. "I tried to get him to. Several times. Stupid swing!"
"You also tried to get me to call an ambulance when she pooped. Sorry if I didn't trust your judgment." Kurt scoffed.
"My poor boys." Carole laughed, ruffling Kurt's hair. "We told you to call if you needed anything, you know."
"And she keeps calling Kurt 'puppy' and petting his hair." Blaine added.
"I told you she kept doing that, Carole." Burt grunted, rubbing his sleeping daughter's back. "She didn't believe me."
"Maybe she wants a puppy?" Carole asked. "Every time the boys bring Kreacher over she loves him."
"She can have him." Blaine mumbled, curling up on the couch.
"No, she cannot." Kurt sighed. "And it really wasn't that bad, Dad."
"Blaine's face says it all." Carole giggled as Burt chuckled.
"At least she's cute." Blaine yawned.
"We'll get out of your hair so you two can get some shut eye." Burt said gruffly, shifting Melody's weight onto his other side. She balled her fist around his shirt, much like she had Blaine's the night before, and let out a content sigh.
"Thank you so much for watching her." Carole said, handing Burt two bags with Melody's belongings in it. "We really appreciate it."
"Thanks, boys." Burt added.
"Just so we're clear, we're not coming to dinner tonight." Kurt informed him. "We'll be here asleep. Maybe on the floor, providing we can't make it to the bed."
"That's fine." Carole laughed, picking up the portable swing and folding it. "Go on and get some sleep. We'll lock up."
"Thanks." Kurt said, moving to go to the bedroom. "Coming Blaine?"
"Can't move." Blaine groaned as Kurt's parents left, locking the door. "Help me up."
"Help you up?" Kurt went back to the couch and reached his hand down. "C'mon."
Blaine grabbed his hand but instead of allowing Kurt to pull him up, pulled Kurt down. "Here's good."
"Mmmh okay." Kurt said, arms going around his waist. "Night, Blaine."
"It's morning."
"Night, Blaine." Kurt repeated, nuzzling his shoulder.
"Night, Kurt."
***WBUCT***
"Do you have any idea when you'll be home?" Kurt asked, tugging on a pair of jeans.
"No clue whatsoever." Blaine shrugged. "David knows someone that's throwing a party, so we're going to stop by that."
"Oh." Kurt said, resisting the urge to frown. From the jokes he'd heard, Blaine and parties didn't mix. He'd also seen that first hand, although in moderation.
"Don't worry. I'm not drinking. I have to work open to close tomorrow." Blaine rolled his eyes. "I can't find my shoes. Your damn dog probably took them again."
"No he didn't." Kurt rolled his eyes this time.
"HA!" Blaine pulled his shoes out from under Kreacher's little bed. "HA! I told you!"
"He doesn't know any better, Blaine."
"Hmph." Blaine pulled his shoes on and gave Kurt a look. "You baby that dog. He's spoiled rotten. He thinks he can do anything."
"This talk again." Kurt sighed. "It's too late to change his ways now."
"Well then maybe we should just lock him in his cage for the rest of eternity." Blaine said, mostly joking. "Are you listening to me?"
"Nope." Kurt grabbed his wallet. "When you talk bad about the closest thing I have to a child, it goes in one ear and out the other."
"I guess I know where Kreacher gets it." Blaine went over, pressing his lips to Kurt's. "Have fun with Mercedes and Quinn. Are you staying in Lima?"
"No, I'm going to come home after. I don't think it'll take us that long."
"BLAINERS, WE'RE HEEERE! Oooh, he's got a new TV!"
"Wes, don't touch stuff."
"Blllllllaine!"
"In the bedroom!" Blaine called.
Wes ran into the room, waving. "BLAINE!"
"Wes!" Blaine exclaimed, waving back.
"Wes started the party early." David informed them, coming into the room and making a drinking motion. "Hey, Kurt."
"Hello." Kurt waved. "Blaine, don't have too much fun."
"I'm not drinking." Blaine said firmly.
"He's got work tomorrow." Kurt said, pointedly looking at Wes. "So he can't drink."
"Blaine, you are so whipped." Wes snickered. "David is too. Single life is amazing."
Blaine rolled his eyes and kissed Kurt. "Have fun."
"You have fun too." Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and kissed him. "I love you."
"I love you too." Blaine kissed him again.
"Kurt and Blaine, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Wes sang as David gagged.
Blaine pulled away, making a very un-dapper hand gesture at both of his friends.
"Blaine!" Kurt laughed, hugging him and kissing his cheek.
"You saw nothing." Blaine gave him one last kiss before stepping away.
"Don't get drunk!" Kurt called as they walked out.
"Don't put us into debt!" Blaine called back, prompting laughter from Wes and David.
"I'm serious, David! He's not drinking!" Kurt added. "He has to leave the house at six in the morning!"
"Got it, Kurt!" David called before the door shut.
"If he comes home drunk, I will kill him." Kurt said, grabbing his keys and leaving moments later. "All three of them."
…
"Why is your boyfriend so hard to wake up?" David grunted loudly as he shook Blaine. "No, Blaine, no. Don't climb on the—coffee table."
Kurt sat up quickly as there was a loud crash, rubbing his face. "What?"
"Finally!" David let out a relieved sigh. "Do you have any idea how hard you are to wake up?"
"Kurt! It's Kurt!" Blaine moved into a standing position and jumped into Kurt's lap, throwing his arms around his neck. "I love you so much, Kurt. Hey, guess what? Guess what, Kurt?"
"Blaine¸ let him wake up before you attack him." David grunted as he tried to pull Blaine off of Kurt's lap.
"But he's my love. I love him, David." Blaine said, nuzzling David's shoulder. "He's so sexy. And he's got a nice tongue. It's my absolute favorite."
"Oh my God." Kurt's eyes widened in horror.
"He does this thing and—oh God, you have to try it. Maybe we can—maybe we can share it. No, no. I don't think he'd like that. No, I wouldn't like that either… But you're—you're—you're totally missing ou—hey, Kurt! Hey! Good morning, Kurt!"
"I thought he wasn't drinking." Kurt said shortly, eyes narrowed at David.
"Well he wasn't. But, see, I went to use the bathroom and Wes gave Blaine some of his drink when I was gone. Once Blaine gets alcohol in him, he doesn't stop." David said in a hushed voice. "I tried."
"Wes is very persuasive, Kurt. He's very persuasive." Blaine nodded very seriously. "Kinda like when you wanted to have sex the first time and I said shouldn't we wait, but you were ready and the blankets were comfy and you did that thing with—."
"And where is Wes?" Kurt said, completely ignoring his drunk and babbling boyfriend.
"When I left him in the car he was singing the Star Spangled Banner backwards." David said. "Or trying to."
"Oh say can you seeeee—." Blaine sang.
"Oh my God. He's worse than drunk." Kurt sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"I tried. I really did. But he was 'having too much fun.'"
"The police aren't going to show up, right?" Kurt asked warily.
"Hey, David. David? David, are you listening?" Blaine asked, tugging at David's arm. "David?"
"Blaine, sit down." David said firmly.
"A'ight!" Blaine said, plopping onto the floor. "Ow."
"No. But when Blaine has 'too much fun' he tends to spend hours vomiting. And there was a lot of Vodka involved. He's never handled Vodka well… as you can see."
"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!" Blaine chanted, hopping up and then crawling into Kurt's lap. "Guess what, Kurt?"
"What, Blaine?" Kurt sighed, arms instinctively going around Blaine's waist.
"There were lots of girls at the party but I didn't kiss one! I didn't kiss two or three either. I didn't kiss anybody 'cause I got in trouble last night and no one kisses as good as you because your tongue is stupendous."
"Good to know you've learned self restraint." Kurt remarked, shooting David a glare.
"Puppy!" Blaine squealed and moved to the floor as Kreacher pranced up excitedly. "I love the dumb stupid puppy! Dumb puppy!"
Kreacher yipped loudly, hopping onto Blaine's legs and licking his face and neck excitedly.
"Oh God. He's so drunk that he doesn't even know his name, does he?" Kurt groaned as Blaine hugged Kreacher, who was so excited to be getting love from Blaine that Kurt was sure his little heart would just give out.
"I've really got to get to Wes before he injures himself. I've got the child locks on the door." David said hurriedly. "I'm really sorry again, Kurt."
"You're leaving me with him like this?" Kurt yelped, his blue eyes wide.
"What, do you want me to bring Wes in here and have two drunken lunatics in the same room? You've never seen them drunk together. You don't want to know the things they are capable of together, Kurt. It's enough to probably make you question living alone with Blaine."
"But I've never dealt with someone this drunk before! What do I do?"
David, who was walking towards the door, rolled his eyes. "Make sure he doesn't lay on his back, get some food in him, pop in some little kid movie with lots of colors, and get him to sleep. I'd stay within reach of a bathroom too."
"You're seriously leaving?" Kurt asked. There was no way David was really going to leave Kurt alone with Blaine. No way.
David gave him an apologetic look, nodding as he backed out of the apartment. "Sorry. I've got to get to Wes before he backs my car into your apartment building. I know I've got the keys, but he hacked into the government via Google. Don't underestimate him. Again, I'm really, really, really sorry, Kurt. You'll be fine… Oh, oh! Water, Kurt! Lots and lots of water!"
Kurt just scowled and looked down at Blaine, who was busy attempting to tug off his shoes while Kreacher ran around him in circles.
"Help!" Blaine whined, looking up with big eyes.
"Oh God, Blaine." Kurt moaned, bending down. He helped tug off his shoes and scowled again. "Why did you do this?"
"Can we have sex?" Blaine asked, attempting to tug his cardigan over his head without unbuttoning it. And oblivious to Kurt's frustration.
"No, Blaine, we're not having sex." Kurt said, pushing his cardigan back down and beginning to undo the buttons. "Let's get this off before you stretch it… or blow chunks all over it… and me."
"Alright." Blaine said cheerfully, thrusting his arms out when the buttons were all undone.
"You do know I have work in the morning. And you do too." Kurt said, becoming frustrated. "It's three and you can't remember your name."
"Wyatt Blaine. No, Blaine Wyatt." Blaine slurred, attempting to stand and stumbling.
Kurt wrapped an arm around his small waist.
"We're gonna have sex. I want you, Kurt. I want you." Blaine turned, kissing down Kurt's neck and using his hand to pull the collar of his shirt down. "I want you."
"Yes, yes, I know, but you're drunk." Kurt sighed. "We're not having sex."
"But I want you."
"Yeah, it doesn't work that way." Kurt said, leading him into the bathroom. "You should know that by now."
"Can we take a shower and have sex?" Blaine asked, attempting to lift Kurt's shirt up.
"Blaine,no." Kurt said.
"I'm horny though."
"Right now you're being insatiable." Kurt sighed.
"Why are we in the bathroom?" Blaine asked, standing on the toilet and attempting to look out the bathroom window. "Hey, there's a body out there."
"There is not a body out there, Blaine. All you can see is another brick wall." Kurt said, trying to not be impatient with his boyfriend.
"I bet it'd have sex with me 'cause I'm adorable." Blaine said¸ stumbling off of the toilet and landing on his knees. "Hey, I can—ooh, I don't feel so good, Kurt."
Kurt rushed over, quickly lifting the toilet seat and scooting Blaine up to it. "Get it out, babe."
"Don't wanna puke, don't wanna puke, don't wanna puke." Blaine whined.
"Should have thought of that when you drank all that Vodka." Kurt sing-songed.
"Wes is persuasive." Blaine said again before leaning over and vomiting into—or rather, mostly on— the toilet.
"Gross." Kurt whined, face screwing up. "Try to aim for inside it next time, sweetie."
Blaine coughed loudly before puking again, this time actually getting most of it in the toilet.
Kurt rubbed his back and shoulders, resigning to sit on the cold floor with him. "Just get it out, honey, and we'll get you into bed."
"I'm done." Blaine said nearly five minutes later, sitting up and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Gross." Kurt stood and wet a hand towel, wiping off Blaine's mouth and then his hands. "I'm going to get you into bed and I'll bring you some food. Hopefully it'll make you sober up faster."
"And then we can have sex?" Blaine asked eagerly.
"No, Blaine."
Blaine let out a frustrated groan, shakily standing. "I never get sex."
"I know. Yesterday morning was so long ago." Kurt said, nudging him into the room.
"I'd get more sex if I was—hehe, I can't even say that." Blaine said, sitting on the edge of the bed and giggling, a silly grin on his face. "You'll get mad at me."
"It's a good thing you're usually precious." Kurt sighed. "I'll be right back."
"Bring the puppy! Bring the puppy!" Blaine called after him. "I love the dumb puppy!"
I'm going to kill you, Kurt texted to David as he grabbed a bag of Tostitos. He debated getting the salsa too, but decided against it. Like he wanted a) to clean up red vomit and b) to have to get salsa out of his white sheets.
At least I didn't leave you with Wes and has currently waged war with my kitchen utensils and has turned my entire living room into a fort, David texted back. Seconds later photographic proof of this fort displayed on his phone.
"Shit, don't you dare!" Kurt exclaimed, running into his bedroom. Luckily Blaine hadn't messed with anything. Instead, he was struggling to unbutton his pants.
"Stupid—snaps—belt—." He grunted. "Snappy—buttons—hate buttons."
"Waging war on buttons again?" Kurt asked, having to smile.
"Help." Blaine demanded.
Kurt grabbed a pair of Blaine's pajama pants and came over, easily undoing the button.
"My savior!" Blaine cried dramatically, tugging Kurt on top of him and falling back against the bed.
"Blaine!" Kurt laughed.
"Mmh, don't you want me?" Blaine said, fumbling to tug off Kurt's pajama shirt. "Don't you think I'm sexy?"
"Not when your breath smells like throw up." Kurt responded, rolling off of Blaine easily and standing.
"I'll brush my teeth?"
"I don't think so." Kurt grabbed a glass of water he had brought off of the nightstand and pushed it into Blaine's hands. "Drink. Drink it all."
"Okie dokie." Blaine said, tipping his head back and drinking every last drop of the water. When it was gone, he even kept the cup in his mouth and hit the bottom repeatedly "just to make sure."
"Now eat these chips." Kurt said, holding out the bag of Tostitos.
"Hey, Kurt, let's get married." Blaine said very simply.
Kurt's breath caught in his throat and he was unable to think momentarily. Eventually, he said, "Okay. Let me just go get some nice clothes on."
"Really?" Blaine asked eagerly, standing up on the bed. "Shotgun wedding! Awesome party! Best night ever!"
"Blaine!" Kurt yelped as Blaine stumbled off of the bed.
"We're going to the chapel and we're gonna get married!" Blaine sang, struggling to sit up despite his uncooperative limbs.
"Oh my God, honey, get back in bed." Kurt rushed over.
Blaine giggled and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, nuzzling his shoulder affectionately. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, sweetie." Kurt hugged him.
"We're not really getting married are we?" Blaine asked, sounding disappointed.
"No, sweetie." Kurt said, kissing his cheek. "Not tonight."
Blaine leaned up and kissed him lazily.
"Your breath smells like alcohol." Kurt whined, pulling away.
"Ooh, snack." Blaine tore open the bag, sending several chips flying, and eagerly grabbed a handful.
Kreacher ran into the room.
"I'll share with you, dumb dog. C'mere!" Blaine declared, patting his lap.
Kreacher hopped onto his lap and began licking each Tostito chip before Blaine got a chance to put it in his mouth. Blaine giggled, just eating the chips anyway and repeatedly insisting, "See, Kurt? I told you I'm capable of sharing food!"
"Blaine, if you ever want to have sex again—or even kiss again— you better stop eating after the dog." Kurt threatened. "I'm not even joking. I'm about to vomit. You don't know where that tongue has been."
"Sharing is caring, Kurt." Blaine said very seriously. "Just like you should share your body with my body."
Kurt huffed loudly, pulling Blaine up.
"Are we gonna do it standing up?" Blaine asked eagerly.
"No, Blaine." Kurt snapped. "I'm doing that so you will quit eating after the dog."
"Oh, I don't feel so good." Blaine said, leaning forward.
"No, no, no!" Kurt said quickly as Blaine threw up all over the front of his shirt. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Blaine!"
"Sorry." Blaine chirped, wiping his mouth off and then wiping it on his pajama pants.
"Blaine, I'm going to kill you tomorrow."
"Kill me dead!" Blaine cried excitedly.
"That's right." Kurt, nose scrunched up, as he carefully pulled the vomit covered t-shirt off of himself and then moved on to the pants. "Get in bed."
"Are you coming?" Blaine arched an eyebrow suggestively. "Cause you look sexy as… as sexy."
"I am not sexy as sexy. That doesn't even make sense." Kurt sighed, pushing Blaine down onto the bed.
"I like where this is going."
"You won't like it when I make you buy me new pajamas. Do you know how expensive those were?"
"You don't need 'em." Blaine waved his hand in the air. "They're never on long anyway."
"I'd appreciate it if you'd cooperate with me a little bit considering I'm going to have to call Dad tomorrow and tell him I can't come in to help and then call in at Kennedy's for you. Don't you care that you could lose your job? You know they were annoyed when you took the time off for your wisdom teeth." Kurt sighed heavily, tugging on clean pajamas.
"I don't wanna go to bed, Kurt. Don't make me go to bed." Blaine whined.
"I don't want you to keep acting like this!" Kurt said, a little louder than he intended.
Blaine fell silent, looking at Kurt with round hazel eyes.
"Just—just—I don't want to have sex, okay? I don't want to have sex. I want you to get—I want you to go to sleep so you'll wake up sober. I really don't like when you're drunk." Kurt said, lowering his voice. He touched Blaine's face, feeling guilty at clearly having upset his boyfriend. "Okay? Just calm down a bit or something."
Blaine looked down at his hands, biting his lip.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you." Kurt said, reaching out and brushing some of Blaine's hair back. "I just don't like you acting like this. I don't want to have sex with you when you're drunk, Blaine."
Blaine just tossed a chip into his mouth, scowling.
Kurt sighed, sitting by him and stroking his hair. "Did I hurt your feelings?"
"Yeah." Blaine moped, eating another chip.
"I'm sorry, Blaine." Kurt repeated, leaning over and kissing his cheek. "Forgive me?"
"Uh huh." Blaine nodded. "But I'm still horny, Kurt."
Kurt laughed a bit, ruffling his messy hair. "I think you told me once or twice, babe. I'll be right back. I'm going to go and get you some more water."
Blaine nodded and watched Kurt go into the bathroom.
"Okay, here. Drink up." Kurt said moments later, handing him his cup once again. "All of it."
"I got it, I got it." Blaine insisted, drinking some of the water. He was a little too eager, though, and spilled some on himself. "Whoops."
"Well at least you drank most of it." Kurt commented, setting the cup back on their nightstand and then stroking his dark curls, smiling at him.
"Can we get a pet monkey instead of a cat?" Blaine asked, perking up.
"Monkey?"
"Yep. It can wear a diaper and we'll teach it to throw poop at people we don't like." Blaine giggled, lying down.
"I don't think our landlord would appreciate it if we brought a monkey into the apartment." Kurt laughed a tiny bit, rubbing Blaine's back.
"We don't have to tell."
"I'm pretty sure a monkey will make it's presence known."
Blaine heaved a sigh. "Yeah… you're right… but I wanted to name him Mo. Mo the Monkey."
"Mo the Monkey." Kurt snorted. "You're really something else, you know?"
Blaine curled up to Kurt and pulled him down, giggling. "Are you sure you don't want my bod?"
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Yes. I'm sure, Blaine. Not tonight. Go to sleep."
"Mmkay." Blaine nuzzled him and, within seconds, let out a soft snore.
***WBUCT***
"Oh God, what did I do?" Blaine moaned, pulling the covers up over his head and burrowing his face in his pillow the next morning.
"Please don't get sick again. You've been in the bathroom most of the night." Kurt said, his voice muffled by the blanket covering Blaine's head. "I considered just bringing the blanket in there so we didn't have to keep going back and forth."
"Shit." Blaine pulled the blanket down slowly and peered at his boyfriend. "I got drunk."
"You got drunk." Kurt nodded very seriously. "I called in at Kennedy's for you. Luckily they were overstaffed today. Your boss said he hopes you feel better."
"Shit." Blaine repeated, curling up in a ball. "My head."
Kurt bent over, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Should I go and get some Tylenol?"
"Preferably the whole bottle." Blaine moaned.
Kurt disappeared and came back a minute later, a tall glass of water in one hand and two Tylenol in the other. "For you, sir."
"I'm such an idiot." Blaine mumbled, taking the pills and swallowing them.
"I don't think I've ever seen someone so drunk in my entire life, Blaine." Kurt said very seriously. "Then again, I don't have all that much experience with it."
"I'm so sorry." Blaine tugged the covers over his head again. "So sorry."
Kurt rubbed his back through the covers. "It's alright, I suppose. Do you know that you are impossibly horny when you're drunk?"
"Oh God." Blaine moaned. "Why did David even bring me home?"
"I don't think he thought he could handle you and Wes." Kurt snorted. "You need to eat something because you were throwing up all night. What do you want?"
"There is no way I can eat anything right now, Kurt." Blaine mumbled into the pillow.
"You should at least try." Kurt urged.
Blaine sat up, looking sick.
"Oh God. You cannot have to throw up. There's nothing left to throw up." Kurt said quickly, moving to pull him up.
"No, no. Just a headache." Blaine fell back over and pulled the pillow over his face. "'M going back to bed, Kurt."
"Do you need anything?" Kurt asked.
"Yes. I need you to kill Wes." Blaine said, moving his head out from under the pillow. "Very slowly and painfully."
"I have a feeling he's going to be out of commission longer than you, given the pictures David's been sending me of his… destructive tendencies."
Blaine, who normally would have perked up and asked to see them, just shrugged and fell asleep.
…
"I cannot believe I did that." Blaine said several hours later, coming into the living room and curling up to Kurt on the couch. He was still in his pajamas from the night before and his hair was messier than Kurt had ever seen it before. "I'm going to kill Wes."
"Wes cannot be held accountable for your actions." Kurt said, closing his copy of Vogue.
"You didn't tell me that came in." Blaine reached for it, grunting. "Why did you put it where I can't reach it?"
"Because it's funny to watch you get frustrated." Kurt said, grabbing it for him. "Fun night?"
Blaine narrowed his eyes, mostly teasing, and opened the magazine. "I'm going to kill Wes."
"It's not Wes' fault you drank."
"Oh, it's always Wes' fault." Blaine responded without looking up from the magazine.
"How can it—."
"Always Wes' fault." Blaine repeated. "Always. All the time. All of them."
"Okay." Kurt rolled his eyes.
"What the hell is this?" Blaine said, arching his eyebrow and turning the issue of Vogue upside down. "Nope. It doesn't look any better upside down."
"But the guy next to her is hot." Kurt said, pointing.
"Eh. He's okay." Blaine shrugged, flipping the page. "It's going to be so weird when you're in here."
"If I make it in there." Kurt said, ruffling Blaine's curls. "Melody would be dying right now, Blaine. She may love your hair more than me."
"God, I can't believe that poop explosion." Blaine said, moving so that he was lying over Kurt's legs. "How was there so much of it?"
"I don't know but it was gross." Kurt said, still playing with his hair. "I can't believe you lived with a baby and never dealt with a poop explosion, though. Have you ever even changed a diaper?"
"I handed you that diaper that one time when she was three months old. Does that count?"
Kurt laughed loudly.
"Don't, no, don't." Blaine said, covering his ears.
"I'm sorry." Kurt giggled, bending down and kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Shh. Quiet time." Blaine said, putting his hand over Kurt's mouth.
Kurt scowled and said something that was muffled by Blaine's hand, which prompted a bigger scowl.
"Hey, this is kind of nice." Blaine teased, lowering his hand.
"You should be nicer to the person you spent trying to molest all last night." Kurt teased. "By the way, you must think you're hot stuff when you're drunk or something."
Blaine's eyes widened.
Kurt spread his arms out, making a silly pose. "Don't you want my bod?You're sexy as sexy, let's fuck."
"Shut up." Blaine laughed. "I didn't say that."
"More or less, you did. Then you proposed."
Blaine made a choking noise, staring at Kurt in shock.
"And I said yes. We went to the court house." Kurt said, grinning.
Blaine blinked at him several times, looking confused. To make it even funnier, he glanced down at his hand.
"And we leave for Paris tonight at five." Kurt continued. "Our rings will be in next week. Finn's picking them up for us."
"Are you joking?"
"Mostly. You did propose, though. And then you started singing 'We're going to the chapel' and then you fell off the bed and then you went on about Mo the Monkey."
"Why do I always embarrass myself when I'm drunk?" Blaine moaned. "Ugh!"
"I believe that would be the effects of alcohol." Kurt said cheerfully, smiling at him.
"I've always wanted a monkey named Mo." Blaine said thoughtfully, happy that Kurt at least didn't appear angry—which he had definitely been expecting since Kurt had repeatedly told him to not drink.
"By the way, this was all just the last thirty minutes of my night. Well, my night before you 'went to sleep.' I don't count you being awake when you were throwing up all night because you basically fell asleep with your head in the toilet the whole time." Kurt giggled a bit.
"I have to shower right now." Blaine said, standing. "Gross."
"Don't worry. You showered." Kurt tugged him back down. "That's why your hair is so crazy. You fell asleep on it when it was wet."
"Ah." Blaine curled against him, nuzzling his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kurt."
"It's okay. You reassured me that you didn't kiss any of the girls." Kurt laughed. "So we don't have to worry about another Rachel incident."
Blaine leaned up, kissing where Kurt's neck met his shoulder. "I only have kisses for you now… and the baby on occasion when she's feeling affectionate."
"She's such a cute baby." Kurt said, letting out a content sigh and tilting his head.
Blaine smirked and kissed his neck again. "You've got a thing for your neck now. I'm not complaining though. I like your neck."
Kurt giggled a bit. "Stop, Blaine."
"Mmmhno." Blaine said, kissing down his neck. "You're gorgeous, you know that?"
"I try." Kurt said, breath hitching a bit when Blaine began to gently suck. "Stop, stop!"
"Too gorgeous. Can't help myself. I have no restraint, remember?" Blaine smirked into his skin.
"Every time you do this you tickle me a-after." Kurt said, giggling. "And I don't like to be tickled."
"But you always seem to enjoy it." Blaine grinned, sliding his hand up Kurt's side.
"Stop, stop, stop, don't!" Kurt pleaded, trying to move away.
"You're smiling, Kurt." Blaine kissed him.
"I hate you so much!" Kurt whined as Blaine stroked his side.
"I'm not going to tickle you." Blaine laughed.
"Yes, you are." Kurt huffed, squirming under his touch. "I'm not dumb."
"Never dumb." Blaine kissed him again, slowly.
"Hate you." Kurt said into the kiss.
"Love you too." Blaine said, beginning to tickle him.
"Let me goooo! Let me gooo!" Kurt shrieked, laughing and squirming.
"I'm too strong for you." Blaine giggled, not stopping. "You can't get away!"
Kurt giggled helplessly, trying to push Blaine's hand away.
Blaine easily reached with his free hand and held Kurt's over his head.
"I hate you!" Kurt whined, unable to kick because Blaine was still half over him and it wouldn't have bothered Blaine anyway.
"You hate me? I may just have to make you laugh more since laughing is a happy thing." Blaine said.
"I haaaate you!" Kurt giggled. "B-Blaine!"
"Say pretty please." Blaine grinned.
"No!" Kurt said stubbornly, wrestling his hands free. "Stop!"
"Noo!" Blaine cried as Kurt freed himself.
"HA! Whose stronger now?" Kurt shrieked, jumping off of the couch and onto the loveseat.
"No feet on the furniture! No feet on the furniture!" Blaine exclaimed, running to it and carefully pulling him down. "Rule breaker!"
"Don't tickle me!" Kurt gasped out, beginning to giggle again.
"I'm not." Blaine promised, kissing him.
"You better not. I'm prepared to kick you really hard in your freakishly strong leg." Kurt threatened, leaning back. "Not to mention if you move too much, you might throw up on me again."
"Okay, okay, I won't. I promise." Blaine kissed him again.
"I don't believe I have to sit in a car with you alone for nine hours in a few weeks." Kurt complained after pulling away from the kiss.
Blaine just grinned and nuzzled his shoulder. "Can we have sex?"
"Oh my God, fine." Kurt said, pulling away and leading Blaine towards their room.