Get your flailing hands ready with me...

ONE FREAKING THOUSAND REVIEWS! *flails crazily*

Guys, I honestly can't believe it. You're all wonderful, amazing people for giving me so much love, because not a single one of those is a flame. I ... I really don't have words. I wish I did, because then I could ramble on and on... but nope. None. Just a humongous thank you.

Still haven't seen New York. Already got a review that told me something about the episode, so now I'm begging. Please, please, nothing. I'm hopeful I might be able to see it in the next few days, but I don't know. There's still the chance that I won't be able to see it at all or not in the near future, but while there's still hope, please nothing. Thank you.

Also, to all of those who are or know of those who are affected by the tornadoes at the moment, my condolences go out to you. I know it's not much but we've been watching it on the news here and it looks just horrific. And I know I have a lot of American readers... :/

From A very gleeky witch and (sort of) similarly prompted by Broken Gold: Kurt discovers Blaine went to Burt about "The Talk" thing and decides to prove to Blaine he can be sexy. In the most platonic way, of course. *rolls eyes*

I don't quite know how platonic I made it... ;)

Santana

"Kurt?" There was a knock on his door and Kurt put down the pamphlet he was reading, trying to control the blush on his cheeks.

"Come in." The door opened and his dad came in, carrying a plate. He set it down on the desk and went to leave before hesitating. "Kurt, you tell that kid Blaine that he's a good friend. Not many guys would do what he did for their friends and I treated him badly for it and I shouldn't have."

"Wait, what did Blaine do?"

"Do you think I would've thought of pamphlets myself, or known where to get them?" Burt shrugged, already halfway out the door. "He told me that you needed some more information, so I got it for you. See you in the morning kiddo."

Kurt stared at the door then fell backwards onto the bed. Blaine told my Dad to give me THE TALK? What the hell?

He knew it all came back to the sexy lessons where Kurt had admitted to not knowing anything, then getting annoyed when Blaine tried to teach him. And now he thinks you're such a sad case, he got your dad to get you pamphlets. Kurt groaned, staring at the ceiling.

Kurt knew he wasn't particularly sexy. All his life, if he had heard anything positive it was about how adorable or cute he was. Brittany and Mercedes both called him beautiful. But nobody said he was hot or sexy or anything like that. He knew it was his downfall, in fact Santana had told him as much in one of her bitch sessions - that was where he had gotten the baby penguin comparison from.

Wait. Kurt sat up, remembering back to that conversation. What else had she said?

"Kurt, right now you have the sex appeal of a baby penguin which is why no guy wants to get his freaky on with you. You need lessons from someone who knows her sexy."

Could he actually lower himself to take sexy lessons from Santana Lopez? Kurt deliberated for a second before his eye caught on the pamphlets and he remembered the look on Blaine's face during their talk. Grabbing his phone, Kurt found Santana's number and hit call.

"Alright, Hummel, you're in luck. Brit and I were having a sleepover tonight, so you get the help of the two sexiest girls at McKinley. And we have some experience to go off because you've made out with Brittany."

"Well, she made out with me, actually," Kurt interjected, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He was sitting on the end of Santana's bed, facing her and Brittany who were curled up together against the pillows.

"He has really soft lips."

Kurt blinked. "Um, thanks?"

"That's a good thing, Hummel. It'll be in your favour when your boy toy finally realizes what he wants and goes in for some action." Santana flicked her hair back, linking pinkies with Brittany. "So, let's get down to business. I can't teach you sexy."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Then why did you get me over here?"

"So we can have a threesome?" Santana and Kurt both turned to stare at the blonde girl who had spoken. She shrugged. "I've kissed you both before."

And now Kurt was looking at a slightly-uncomfortable Santana who stared back defiantly as if daring him to judge. He laughed. "Santana, I'm gay. You think I'd judge you?"

Something shifted in her face and she nodded. "Right. Anyway, I can't teach you because sexy isn't something you learn. It's already a part of you, you need to learn how to harness it. For example, I'm sexy because I show my assets and flaunt what I've got. I'm a bitch and I don't take no for an answer and for some reason that turns guys on. Not all of them, but it works for me."

Kurt was already shaking his head. "Blaine's super polite. He hates that kind of stuff."

"Alright, how about Brittany then? She's sexy because she's sweet but you can tell there's a tiger hidden under there."

Kurt coughed uncomfortably, remembering his makeout sessions with the girl. "Um, yes. But I don't think that'd apply to me either."

"Why don't you just kiss him?"

Once again, the attention was on the blonde girl. "It worked for me. Kurt was pretty sexy when we kissed."

Santana looked at her appraisingly. "Brit Brit, you might just be onto something. All you've got to do is get your lips onto his."

"Santana, I can't do that."

"Why not?" Now both girls were staring at Kurt and he felt himself blushing.

"I don't think I'm brave enough. What if he doesn't want that? I know he doesn't like me in that way, especially after the last few days -"

"Wake up, Kurt!" Kurt snapped his mouth shut in shock. Did she just call me Kurt? "A gay guy does not spend an hour with another gay guy trying to teach him to be sexy if he doesn't want something out of it! You think Blaine just taught you that so you were informed? He taught you that so that one day down the track, he can finally make a move on you and you won't freak out. He wants a relationship with you, he just wants you to be ready. And considering you're both out and proud, and you can be together, why don't you just do it?"

Kurt looked at Santana's hand which had closed around Brittany's, and suddenly understood her frustration. "Okay, I'll do it. When?"

"Right now. Is he at Dalton?" Kurt nodded and Santana jumped off the bed to grab her keys. "Great, I'll drive. Come on Brit, we're going to Dalton."

"Now?" Kurt spluttered. "But - I.."

"Come on, Hummel. You know I don't want to miss this action. And if I don't come, I can't trust you to do it."

Kurt sighed, allowing himself to be pulled out of the room.

"It's 10:30! You guys can't come in here, it's past curfew!"

"Lighten up, Hummel." Santana turned off the engine and jumped out. "You're gay. They won't care, and we're good at hiding anyway. What number is Blaine's room?"

"201. But -"

"Great, we'll meet you there." Santana took Brittany's hand and they ran into the building. Kurt rolled his eyes at the two pyjama-clad girls, thankful he had the sense to keep his day clothes on before making his way into Dalton. He navigated the stairs to Blaine's room, a route he had taken many times before. Halfway there he stopped, remembering a vital fact. Pulling out his phone, he sent a quick text to Santana.

Santana, Blaine has a roommate - Kurt

A reply came a few seconds later.

Already taken care of. Hurry up! - S

Kurt rolled his eyes, quickly making his way along the hallway to Blaine's room. He saw Santana waiting a few doors down and tiptoed down to her. "Where's Brittany?"

"How else do you think I was going to get that other guy out? They'll be back soon." Kurt shuddered, trying not to think about what David and Brittany were getting up to. "Now, go get him."

"Santana, I don't know - wait!"

But Santana was already pushing him through the doorway to where Blaine was sitting on his bed working on an assignment. He looked up to see Kurt standing there and smiled. "Hey, Kurt. I thought you were staying home for the weekend .. and who's that?" He looked over Kurt's shoulder to where Santana was.

"I'm nobody. Kurt's got something for you."

Kurt glared at Santana who gave him another shove. This time he wasn't expecting it and ended up tripping -

Into Blaine's lap.

She so planned that! Kurt thought furiously, before taking in the scene right in front of him. There was Blaine. Blaine's eyes. Blaine's lips. Blaine looking so adorably confused and slightly hopeful?

Before Kurt could back out, he leant down and pressed his lips to Blaine's.

He felt the sharp intake of air, then suddenly Blaine was kissing him back, wrapping his arms around his waist. Kurt mentally debated with himself for a second before giving up and letting go. His hands snaked into Blaine's hair, gently pulling at it as he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth slightly. And then Blaine did the same and he could taste him and Kurt moaned because this was so amazing. He shifted slightly in Blaine's lap, angling his head so he could kiss him properly. He could feel Blaine's heart beating fast and knew his was doing the same and Kurt could probably do this all night, except - Santana.

Reluctantly, very reluctantly, Kurt pulled away. They were both breathless, Blaine staring at Kurt as if he had never seen him before.

"So, Anderson. Is my boy sexy or what?"

Kurt didn't even bother turning around as Santana's voice wafted over from the doorway. Blaine was still staring at Kurt as he answered, "Hell yes."

"He has soft lips, doesn't he? That's what I liked about kissing Kurt, his lips are very soft."

Kurt groaned, turning around to see Brittany and David in the doorway behind Santana. "Brittany, I thought you were distracting him." He made no move to get off Blaine's lap and felt his heart skip when Blaine's arms wrapped around him again.

"Once I realized what she wanted, I had to tell her I was flattered but spoken for. And apparently, so is Blaine." David smirked, before turning serious. "And that's awesome, but you're going to be in so much trouble if you get caught with these two. So take them home, then you can come back and have more couple-y moments with Blaine. Preferably in your room."

Kurt chuckled, feeling Blaine do the same behind him. He turned his head to kiss him quickly one more time before standing up and gesturing to the two girls to follow. As they were leaving, Brittany turned back to David.

"If your girlfriend ever gives you your voice back, you can call me. Kurt will give you my number."

As Santana dragged her out, Kurt heard the sound of David hitting his head into the wall.

I think David, in all of his craziness, would have been driven a little bit crazy by Brittany. I didn't write much of her lines because I can't do her any justice.