2000! I love you all. The two thousandth reviewer was InfiniteSummer reading Chapter 20 and talking about Chris Colfer's hips/dancing. I figured it was quite easily the perfect review to bump us over the line :)
I had a Glee dream last night that I'm sure you'll all love. Except those who hate horror stuff - just don't read this, okay? So I was playing hide and seek (yes, probably prompted by the chapter a few nights back) with Finn, Rachel, Puck, Quinn, Brittany, Santana, Kurt and Blaine. We were in this old abandoned house and I was the seeker. Except as soon as I found anybody, I'd murder them. Gruesomely and vividly. I think Rachel was first and I'm fairly sure I chopped her up with an axe and hid her in a cupboard. Finn got a pair of scissors through his throat. Puck was killed in an audio visual booth thing, I think he got a knife. Quinn got stabbed through the chest.
But when I found Brittany, she was sitting there with her cat that had just had kittens and she somehow knew I was murdering people even though I'd been silent. And she invited me in for dinner and asked me not to kill her for her cats sake. So I gave her five minutes to get away in the opposite direction but warned her if I saw her again, I would kill her. Santana was my target, I got her then went outside. I remember killing Kurt at some point but he ended up alive and outside with Blaine and Brittany. And then they'd 'won' and we decided to go back in and find the others who were 'still hiding'. And I went in and went to the room where Rachel's body had been hidden and it was gone, and I realized Brittany had taken her five minutes to go and clean up after me so I wouldn't get in trouble.
And I woke up going ... what the hell was that? Angela takes credit (I got a couple of emails from her!) because they were all ways she had threatened to kill my ex for the crap he put me through.
On to something entirely more pleasant! From The Codebreaker and similarly prompted by e(Anonymous): Compromising positions - Kurt misjudges a jump or something and lands on Blaine's lap
Vague time frame: after Sectionals, somewhere before Regionals, I don't really care what's happening outside the Warblers at this point. It's not important.
Dance
If people said that New Directions couldn't dance, they clearly hadn't seen the Warblers.
They called it the two-step shuffle for a reason. Nobody's feet left the ground any more than to take a single step, no elaborate gestures or hand movements, no swapping positions except when their singing required it. Simple and easy, and the audience didn't really care about their moves when they could create an entire band with their mouths after all.
Most of the Warblers were very happy with this set up. They had Blaine out the front who could occasionally bust some kind of move for them, the rest could sway in the background and pretend that they were only doing this because they wanted to, not because they couldn't do anything else.
Because, you see, the Warblers couldn't dance. Not a step. It was a part of their group dynamic which they accepted and worked with, and so far what they had been doing had worked for the better part of two years.
And then Kurt Hummel came along.
"Okay, Group One will cross in front of Group Two, swapping positions. Blaine will stay out the front as the groups combine before splitting again as he moves between them... yes, Warbler Kurt?"
Wes raised an eyebrow at Kurt's raised hand but allowed him to talk. Kurt had only been a Warbler for a short time and, to be honest, Wes was glad he was finally getting the nerve to speak up. He knew Kurt had gone through some drama at his old school which had made him slightly skittish for the first few weeks, but Blaine had assured him that Kurt was a very confident and slightly sarcastic person when he was in his prime.
"Do we do anything else?"
Maybe that's not such a good thing.
"Like what, Warbler Kurt?" David leaned towards Kurt from Wes' side. The council were seated in the front row of seats in the auditorium with the assembled Warblers onstage, preparing to run through the choreography for a number they were considering for Regionals. They were just about to begin practice when Kurt had decided to interrupt.
"Like... actual dancing? Moves that require some thought and concentration?"
Wes heard Jeff snicker from behind Kurt and immediately knew it was going to be one of those days. "Kurt, the Warblers are renowned for our a capella performances. We are not known for our dancing."
"Well, why not?"
Blaine stepped forward, giving Wes a look of badly concealed mirth at his expense. "Because none of us can dance."
Wes wasn't sure what he was expecting. He had hoped that Kurt would simply concede and return to his position so he could keep instructing them on their choreography.
Instead Kurt burst out laughing.
The rest of the Warblers looked at each other, confused. Wes turned to David. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to end badly?" he whispered. David shrugged, still watching the hysterical boy on stage.
Blaine stepped towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder hesitantly. "Kurt?"
Kurt straightened up. "I'm sorry. It's just - I have terrible luck. New Directions suck at dancing too, with the exception of Brittany and Mike. The rest try and fail. And now you guys who don't even try."
"Kurt, are you saying you can dance?" Thad called from next to David.
Kurt looked mildly offended. "Of course I can. I was a cheerleader after all."
The other boys started murmuring to themselves and Wes saw Blaine's eyes glaze over slightly.
Wes came to a decision he would later regret. "Why don't you show us?"
David leant over to him. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, look at Blaine."
But Kurt was already making his way over to the iPod dock, pulling out Wes' phone and slotting in his own. He flicked through it for a seconds before hitting play and making his way back to the middle of the stage as 4 Minutes began to blare through the speakers. Except this wasn't the proper version, instead it sounded like it had been recorded.
Kurt turned and looked at the assembled Warblers on stage. "I suggest you stand back," he said. They all quickly complied, Blaine still standing at the front of the group.
Then Kurt turned to the council members and two things happened. First, Kurt's voice came blasting out of the speakers along with another girl who must have been a part of the New Directions club. Wes immediately found himself trying to remember why they hadn't given Kurt any solos yet.
But most importantly, Kurt began to dance. And oh yes, he could dance.
There was complete silence, save the music, as Kurt dominated the stage. Wes managed to tear his eyes from the boy a couple of times to see how the others were reacting. Most of the boys looked suitably impressed. Nick and Jeff were nodding along to the music - the extent of their dancing ability. And Blaine -
Blaine was staring at Kurt, his mouth slightly agape. He followed every move with his eyes, as if believing that Kurt would disappear if he looked away for a second. Wes groaned quietly to himself as he realized what he'd created.
Finally, the music stopped and Kurt finished his routine, panting slightly from the exertion. "Haven't done that in awhile," he explained.
The silence continued and Kurt frowned. "Was it bad? I know I was a little rusty -"
"That was amazing." Blaine's voice, slightly hoarse, travelled across the room. The rest of the boys began to murmur in agreement and Kurt flushed, a smile on his face.
"The question is, can you teach us?"
Wes turned to stare at David in shock. "You can't be serious! We can't do that sort of -"
"All in favour?"
Every hand in the auditorium rose, save Wes and Kurt's. Kurt began to bounce on the balls of his feet. "Oh, this is going to be awesome!"
Wes groaned. Well, at least he could say he had seen it coming when the whole thing failed miserably. Which, of course, it would.
"Okay, this is one of the routinues McKinley tried and rejected when they first performed last year. So we're not stealing their ideas, don't worry. It's my choreography anyway."
Kurt began to move the boys across the stage, positioning a couple of groups of Warblers in different places across the stage before leading Blaine to the center and beckoning the council members out of their seats.
"I'll normally be standing next to Blaine," and even Wes found the blush that crossed his face to be endearing, "but for now I'll stand out the front and show you what to do." He led Wes and David over to the back of the formation, showing them where to stand before heading back out the front.
"Alright, so the routinue starts with Cameron and Jesse crossing over Ethan and Thad, who then head towards..."
"I think we've got it!" Kurt clapped his hands together, surveying the exhausted looking Warblers.
"So are we done?" Wes seconded the thought submitted by a tired David. They had been practicing for close to an hour now and, for boys who had never experienced any type of dance, an hour was a long time.
"No, now we need to put it to music." A collective groan rose and Kurt chuckled. "Hey, you guys aren't even singing yet."
Blaine turned to look at Wes, alarm written across his face. "I don't think I can sing and focus on this routinue. Can you?"
Wes shook his head as Kurt started the music and headed to his position next to Blaine.
"Okay! Three ... two... one.. go!"
That was about where it all fell apart.
Wes could only watch on in horror as the chain reaction began. It started with Jesse who had walked the wrong way, bumping into Ethan who stumbled and fell. His head knocked into Thad's who staggered in the other direction, managing to take out Jeff and Nick in one swoop. They fell to the ground, right in Kurt's path as he spun to face Blaine.
There was no chance. Kurt went straight over, crashing into Blaine and they both went down, Kurt on top of Blaine.
I knew this was a bad idea. Wes covered his face with his hands, shaking his head at the ensuing disaster, then peeking out a second later to see -
Kurt and Blaine making out on the floor?
Wes dropped his hands to his sides, staring at the two boys. Blaine's arms were around Kurt's waist and Kurt was cupping Blaine's face in his hands as they kissed. The Warblers who weren't on the ground in pain had all stopped to stare at the two boys.
Someone coughed, trying to get a response. Nothing.
"Um..." David looked at Wes nervously. "Should we break them up?"
Wes raised an eyebrow, then took a deep breath and put his best Warbler Council voice on. "Junior Members Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel! Cease and desist!"
Kurt jumped away, sitting back on his heels as Blaine quickly sat up. Both boys were a deep red as they remembered where they were.
Wes stepped forward, turning to address all of the Warblers. "Alright, gentlemen, I think we've learned a few important lessons here. First, we need someone from first aid on hand any time we try a new routinue. Thad, Ethan, are you guys okay over there?"
He received nods from the boys, Thad still holding his head from where he was slumped on the stage. "Second, Kurt and Blaine are prone to public displays of affection in public. Now that they're together, we're all going to need to keep that in mind." The two boys appeared to grow even redder, staring at the stage and avoiding everybody's eyes.
"However, we could use their chemistry to our advantage in duet choices. So the council will talk with you two later."
Kurt looked up hopefully as Blaine took his hand, a smile playing on his face.
"And finally,"
Wes stared at the entire group sombrely. "We are never trying that again."
A chorus of amens met his proclamation and Wes sat down, satisfied.
4 Minutes is ... guh. Damn sexy. New favourite song, up there with Go Your Own Way and I Feel Pretty/Unpretty ... and the entire Warbler album. But that goes without saying.
Oh, and ... "Warblers can't dance, Warblers can't dance, Warblers cannot dance! They only sing a capella and they cannot dance, even if Kurt Hummel's trying to teach them!"
("Seriously guys, the song's not even that funny!")
*cough*