I'm sorry but I just love it when people try to tell me they don't actually like my story, they just read it for the ideas other people give me and because occasionally I write something 'ok'. I can understand that for a smaller story but who in their right mind would sit through one hundred and seventy nine chapters of a story they didn't like? I sure wouldn't. So it's more funny than anything. Also, I'm immature for writing about bad reviews in my authors notes and on my Tumblr. We've been over the authors note thing - I misuse them, I don't care, neither do 95% of you guys - but my Tumblr is kind of my blog, which means it's mine to write whatever I please on it. So if this makes me immature then fine.
*sticks tongue out*
On a positive note, to my regulars, my permanent readers, the ones who I can call my friends, I love you all and appreciate you so much, especially at the moment.
From Moofie Lou: Kurt never goes to spy on the Warblers and thus doesn't end up transferring. The bullying still escalates and by regionals Kurt is more closed-off than ever. At the competition he runs into the handsome leader singer of the Warblers, Blaine. What happens next?
Lauren didn't join because they had Kurt. And I think this is meant to be Sectionals because that's when we first meet the Warblers, so I'm going with that. I don't think Kurt could handle being alone from the time before Sectionals right through to Regionals. And I know it was Blaine's 'courage' text that seemed to inspire Kurt to chase Karofsky into the locker room, but I think Kurt would have snapped eventually anyway.
I also feel like a bit of this ties into some of my chapters of Invisible, mainly because it's the same theme. I did my best not to plagiarize myself though.
This just never ended. I barely got it done in time... by that, I mean I had it finished 6 days in advance but for me that's pushing the deadline!
Alone
"Okay, we've drawn the third slot guys!" Will joined the group again, holding the schedule of events. Rachel immediately began to murmur about this giving them 'a clearly well needed edge' as they headed off to the green room to drop their things. Kurt lagged behind the group, keeping his head down as he walked and wishing he was anywhere but here.
It wasn't that he didn't love performing, but Kurt was just so tired of everything. He didn't want to get up on stage and put on that same fake smile he always wore and pretend his life was fantastic. He didn't want to join the group who pretended to be one big happy family, knowing full well that none of them understood him or what he was going through.
Ever since Karofsky had kissed him, Kurt had shut off from people completely. He knew that nobody from the New Directions could ever understand how that sort of thing felt and didn't want to have to try to explain. And after the death threat, he had just kept his head down and did his best to get through every day without drawing attention to himself. Mercedes had noticed, but after a few failed attempts to make Kurt talk, she had given up. The girl was stubborn, but she took things far too personally, and her decision had been that if Kurt wasn't going to talk, then she wasn't going to bother. Now they hadn't spoken in about a week. And Kurt figured that Rachel might have noticed if she hadn't been too busy trying to consecutively get over and win over Finn as well as throwing her temper tantrum because she didn't get her solo.
Kurt had considered telling his father about the death threat from Karofsky, but he and Carole were still in the honeymoon stage and Kurt didn't want to disturb them. After all, apart from a few extra locker shoves and 'reminders' to keep his mouth shut, Karofsky hadn't exactly tried anything. And if he did, Kurt wasn't too sure if he cared anymore.
"Let's go grab some seats." Will clapped his hands together, jarring Kurt out of his thoughts. He dropped his bag next to the others and followed the group again into the auditorium, taking the seat on the end of the row and resting his head in his hands. All he wanted was to get this over and done with, sway in the background like they wanted him to, and then go home. Simple.
The Hipsters took the stage and Kurt allowed himself to zone out. They were cute enough for old people but their performance wasn't really competition worthy, unless the judges took sympathy on them. And maybe it would be a good thing if they did win - Kurt didn't have the energy to prepare for another competition.
After the senior citizens had shuffled off the stage, Kurt heard Santana from a couple of seats down. "Oh hey, here comes homo school."
Gritting his teeth, Kurt drew his attention back to the stage as Dalton Academy entered, their uniform catching his eye immediately. While Kurt could never see himself giving up his clothes, if he ever had to wear a uniform that one would win. As the group moved into a formation, Kurt couldn't help but check out the boys on stage. There were a couple of good looking ones - one of the blondes in particular caught his eye - but he knew Santana's words weren't true and most of these boys were probably straight. Still, looking didn't do any harm.
And then the group began to harmonize and Kurt's eyebrows raised. Is that Hey Soul Sister?
"Hey!"
One of the boys began to sing, clearly their lead, and Kurt's eye was drawn to him instantly. How did I overlook him? he wondered to himself, smiling unconsciously as the group sang. Apart from being quite clearly attractive, his voice was strong and nothing short of breathtaking.
Kurt couldn't stop himself from watching the rest of the group as well, wondering why they didn't seem bothered that they were just singing in the back instead of getting their own solos. And then he noticed that they all actually looked happy. Yes, everybody looked happy when they performed but Kurt had worn enough fake smiles in his time to know one when he saw it and these boys were actually happy up there. Their voices moulded together and Kurt realized that was what it was like to be a part of a team.
Speaking of teams, New Directions were standing, making their way to the green room. With one last regretful look at the Warblers who were finishing their song, Kurt followed the group. As soon as they got back there, Sam and Quinn disappeared to take their places for the cliched curtain entrance and Rachel immediately started on her latest speel about why she deserved the solo and how she had pulled together a solo at last minute for Sectionals last year so if it was required this time she would be more than happy to. Kurt wanted to tell her to shut up but it was too much effort so he pulled out his phone and began to play Angry Birds again.
And then they were making their way on to the stage. Kurt took his position behind the curtain, rolling his eyes as Sam and Quinn began to sing. Of course he was glad that other people were getting the chance to sing and their voices were beautiful together, but like anybody really believed that these two would last. Soon enough, Quinn's urge to beat Rachel would win and she would be trying to get Finn back. This whole club is just a ticking time bomb. If we survive to Nationals, it'll be a miracle.
The curtain began to rise and Kurt plastered his best fake smile on his face as the bright lights assaulted him, joining in on cue as Sam and Quinn sang out the front. When his eyes finally adjusted, Kurt caught sight of a row of blazer-clad boys sitting where they had just vacated and couldn't resist seeking out the lead soloist of the group who happened to be sitting in the middle and staring… right at him?
Tearing his attention away, Kurt continued to sing, following the limited choreography they had created at last minute - as usual - and focusing on the song. But once they had finished to loud applause, Kurt allowed himself to glance back at the boy. And yes, he hadn't been imagining it because there he was, staring at him again. Kurt deliberated for a second before offering him a half-smile which was returned. And then Valerie began and Kurt focused in on the music and watching Mike and Brittany dance. At least Mr. Schuester had been a little more inclusive this time, but Kurt was still waiting on his solo that he knew he would never get.
Finally they were finished and the crowd were on their feet as the group bowed. As usual, Kurt was at the back and could hardly bring himself to smile. All he wanted to do was go home.
But of course that wouldn't happen. There was still judging to wait on and since that usually took quite some time the group made their way out to the foyer. The rest of the New Directions group converged on the snack bar, Kurt choosing not to. He didn't have much of an appetite these days after all. Instead he chose to take a seat in the far corner, pulling his phone out of his bag as he walked. Of course he wasn't looking where he was going and accidentally bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry," he said absently.
"Not a problem."
Kurt slowly looked up to see the Warbler boy standing in front of him, smiling. "Oh… um, hi."
The boy held out his hand. "Hi. I'm Blaine."
"Kurt." Kurt shook the hand quickly before letting it drop, hoping it didn't appear too rude. "Your group was amazing."
"Thank you. You were very good yourselves." Blaine was looking at him in a way that was slightly disconcerting to Kurt - not like he wanted to hurt him or ridicule him, but like he actually noticed him. Kurt wasn't really used to it anymore. "Were you going to sit?"
He gestured to the seat and Kurt nodded, sitting down. "You're welcome to join me. Just don't let Rachel see you, she'll be over here before you can say 'Spies'."
Blaine laughed, taking a seat. "I know what you mean. Wes is a bit like that too." He dropped his bag on the ground and stretched his arms behind his back. "So, I know you have bias but who do you think will win?"
"Oh, the Hipsters for sure." Kurt deadpanned before smirking at Blaine's incredulous expression. "No, I can't say. Quinn, Sam and Santana were brilliant but so were you."
Blaine ducked his head in modesty. "Well thank you. It'll be a close one, that's for sure. So why doesn't a guy like you get solos?"
Kurt sighed without realizing. "Because we've got our main categories. Divas, which is Rachel and Mercedes. Studs; Puck, Finn and Sam, but he's more of the cute guy stud. Santana is the bad girl, Artie's our rapper, Brittany can swap between sweet and innocent and sex appeal extrodinare, Tina and Quinn are definitely the sweet ones though - maybe not as much in personality for the latter. Mike can't actually sing so he hangs out in the background with me."
"And you? Where do you fit in?"
Kurt laughed bitterly. "I don't. Never have really. I'm basically the male diva and Ohio isn't quite accepting of guys like me singing female songs. The club preaches equality but it never happens. I can guarantee that at Regionals it'll be Rachel on lead with a Rachel and Finn duet and I'll be in the background." He hadn't meant to vent like that and immediately regretted it. "Sorry. I shouldn't have -"
"Kurt. It's alright." Blaine was still looking at him with that soft smile and Kurt actually found himself believing him. "I get the impression you don't have anybody to talk to at the moment?"
And out of nowhere, all of the previously suppressed emotion from the past month threatened to escape, taking Kurt by surprise. He looked away quickly, pushing it all back under the surface and hoping Blaine hadn't noticed. "We always have dramas and rifts around our club, I'm sure it'll all sort out."
Turning back, Kurt's heart sunk when he saw the look on Blaine's face. "No, I'm sorry, I know it's probably not my place but… Kurt, there's something going on. I can tell."
Kurt took a deep breath, trying not to shake. "Are you gay?" he asked as snidely as possible.
"Yes."
Kurt blinked, thrown off guard. He had been prepared for a negative response in which case he would quip back well you have no idea what it's like, shut up, or something along those lines, but this was completely unexpected. "You are?"
Blaine nodded. "I see myself in you, Kurt. I didn't want to make assumptions that you were gay, but I could see something in your eyes, even when you were up on stage. There's something going on that's a lot worse than you're letting on and I have my suspicions what it might be."
"What do you -"
The lights flashed, indicating that the choirs needed to return. Blaine shot them a glare before turning back to Kurt. "Can I take you out for coffee afterwards? I'll drop you home if you don't have your car."
Kurt knew he really shouldn't, he didn't know the guy after all. But there was something about Blaine - maybe it was in his eyes, the same way it was apparently in Kurt's - that Kurt couldn't help but trust. And maybe he'll understand. "I - yes. That would be great."
"Blaine!"
"Kurt?"
Rolling his eyes, Kurt smiled at Blaine who was wincing. Clearly the Warbler headed in his direction was Wes and Kurt made a quick escape, heading towards Artie who had called his name. His hopes of not having been seen by Rachel were fruitless however as she gave him a fierce glare as they made their way to the stage. "I hope you weren't sharing secrets, Kurt. Otherwise I will be making a strong recommendation that you don't get access to our setlist until the week before Regionals."
Kurt resisted the urge to tell Rachel exactly what he thought; you don't even know him, you don't know what we were talking about, we haven't won yet, I know you're just jealous because I'm your only competition vocally. Instead he bit his tongue like he was so good at doing and followed the group on to the stage where they stood next to the Warblers. Blaine shot him a quick smile which Kurt returned before being elbowed by Rachel.
The announcement of the tie was a good thing in Kurt's opinion but Rachel was already sending glares in the Warbler boys direction and Kurt could practically see the wheels turning in her head. So when I walk out of here with one of them, she's not going to be impressed.
As the audience began to disperse, Kurt caught Blaine's eye and headed over in his direction. "Kurt!" came the yell of Mr. Schuester and Kurt sighed, turning back around. "Bus is this way!"
"I've got a lift home. I'll see you all on Monday."
Judging by the reactions, Kurt might as well have said he was transferring, especially when Blaine stepped up beside him. "I can assure you all that I'm not going to try to get any secrets out of Kurt. Plus, we've just finished Sectionals, so unless you guys are incredibly organized I don't think there's much he can tell me.
Rachel looked like she was about to blow a gasket, but surprisingly Quinn spoke up. "I trust him," she said, leaning against Sam's shoulder. "Plus, it's not like we can make Kurt come with us." Tina was nodding and Kurt realized that the girls must have noticed how lonely he had been the past little while. And maybe they were jumping to the assumption that something romantic was going on with himself and Blaine, but Kurt didn't really feel the need to correct them. If it meant he got to go with Blaine, then he would take it.
"Bye guys. We did well today." Kurt offered the group a smile before turning and following Blaine out of the building. He received a couple of weird looks from some of the Warbler boys but assumed Blaine had told his teacher what was going on… not that Kurt had seen a teacher with the Warblers at all. "Do you guys have a choir teacher?"
Blaine shook his head. "We have a council made up of three upperclassmen. Wes, David and Thad are on the council this year." He gestured across the road to a small cafe. "Is here okay?"
Kurt nodded and the two made their way over the road. Apart from placing their orders, nothing more was said and by the time they were sitting at the table with coffees in hand, Kurt was feeling decidedly awkward. He knew Blaine was probably expecting him to spill his guts right there and then but Kurt didn't know if he could. After spending so long not talking about what was going on, it was as if the words refused to come out.
"It's alright," Blaine said quietly and Kurt glanced up, confused. "I know it's not easy to talk about things the first time. Well it's never easy to discuss," he amended, "but the first time is always the worst."
"How do you know?" Kurt didn't mean it offensively, his curiosity simply got the better of him. He seems so confident, what could he know about this kind of fear?
Blaine paused for a second then sighed. "I came out in ninth grade when I was still in public school," he said slowly. "I was old enough to know who I was and the other guys… well, they were old enough to know that there was apparently a problem with who I was." Another pause where Blaine seemed to be struggling to find the words and Kurt unconsciously leaned forward a little. "It started out small - glares, pointed questions, awkward silences when I went into the locker room. Then I guess one of them thought to go online and look up some names… I'm sure I don't have to repeat them."
Kurt shook his head, his mind ringing with the names he was sure Blaine was referring to, the same names he had heard most of his high school years and especially in the past few months. "I'm aware of them."
Blaine was surveying him again. "I thought so. There's more to it than the names though." It wasn't a question but Kurt hesitantly nodded anyway. "That's what I was afraid of, because I've been there too. Kurt… I've had the crap beaten out of me, I was lucky not to end up in hospital."
Kurt couldn't hold back his gasp because no matter what else had happened, that hadn't. "Blaine," he murmured, raising a shaking hand to his mouth.
"I know." Blaine looked slightly unsettled as well and Kurt could see his composure beginning to slip. "I don't talk about it much, for obvious reasons. But I think you needed to hear it to know that you're not alone. I don't know what's going on with you and I'm not forcing you to talk about it at all, but there is someone else out there who at least sort of knows what it's like."
It took Kurt a matter of seconds to make up his mind. "I've always struggled with the bullying as well, but there's this Neanderthal who made it his mission to make my life a living hell. Shoving me into lockers, calling me…" Kurt made a rough gesture and Blaine nodded, clearly understanding. "And one day I just snapped. I chased him into the locker room and told him that he could do whatever, he could hit me or call me names but nothing would change who I was. I called him a scared little boy… I had no idea how right I was."
Blaine frowned. "Kurt?" he said quietly after a few seconds of silence.
Kurt took a shaky breath, trying to will himself to spit out the words. It was the first time he had told anybody about the confrontation in the locker room but the final few moments were on a whole other level of terrifying and to say the words would make it more real, undeniably so. He couldn't ignore it anymore if he did.
"He kissed me."
A heartbeat of silence and then Blaine was standing, grabbing his coffee. Kurt's heart plummeted, thinking that Blaine was leaving, Blaine was sickened by what he had heard and didn't want to know Kurt… and then a hand was being held out to him. "Come on," Blaine said roughly and Kurt grabbed his coffee before he was led out of the coffee shop and around the corner. There was a bench and Blaine tugged Kurt to sit down, looking at him apologetically. "I didn't want to continue this inside," he said, his voice still on edge. "Kurt… how long ago did this happen?"
"A few weeks now," Kurt said quietly.
"Why didn't you report it, get him expelled?"
Kurt braced himself for the next bit, his own composure beginning to crack. "Because he threatened to kill me if I told anybody," he whispered, staring down at his hands which were tightly clenched together around his coffee cup, his knuckles turning white. He couldn't look up, having no idea what to expect since this was the first time he had dared to tell someone.
Blaine stayed silent for a long moment, long enough for Kurt to begin regretting his words. "Kurt," finally came the reply. "Hey, look at me?"
Blaine's voice was so soft that Kurt barely caught it. Shaking, he looked up, still trying to avoid looking Blaine in the eyes. "I know it's disgusting," he said quickly. "I know you probably regret talking to me now and -"
"No." Blaine's tone stopped Kurt in his tracks because Kurt could tell Blaine's anger wasn't directed at him. "Kurt, none of this is your fault, not in the slightest. He is the one who did this to you and… god, I just wish you could have told someone when it happened instead of carrying it around with you for this long."
Kurt burst into tears. And he really hadn't meant for it to happen and definitely didn't want to be sitting there in front of the first openly gay guy he'd ever met (and an attractive one at that), sobbing, but Kurt couldn't keep it in any longer. Blaine was right - it had been so long and everything just hurt too much and Kurt was tired. Tired of being insignificant and useless and forgotten.
He was vaguely aware of Blaine's hand on his arm and soft words being murmured to him: "It's okay, cry it out, Kurt. You need to. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, I'll keep you safe."
Kurt believed it. So, for the first time ever, allowed himself to actually cry, not stopping himself when he felt like it had been too long or he was being too pathetic, but actually cry for everything that had happened to him. And when he was finished, exhausted, his voice hoarse and eyes aching, Kurt actually felt better. Not okay, not yet. But better.
"Now," Blaine said gently, "I'd like to try and help you. If you'll let me."
There was no question about it in Kurt's mind. "What do you want to do?"
"I can't do this."
Even though the car was stationary and had been for the past ten minutes, Kurt's hands still gripped the steering wheel, so tight his knuckles had lost color completely. He knew if he let go, he would do something completely embarrassing like start shaking noticeably and this itself was already embarrassing enough, considering his passenger. But he really couldn't do this.
And even though this was probably the seventh time Kurt had uttered the same phrase, Blaine's response was still as calm as it had been the first time. "Yes you can, Kurt. He loves you and he won't judge you for any of this. And if anybody can do something about it, it's your dad."
Kurt closed his eyes and took a few shaky breaths before nodding. "Let's go before I change my mind."
He did change his mind four times while walking up the driveway, but at that point Blaine simply refused to let him turn back. "You're here now, Kurt," he said calmly, keeping a hand on Kurt's arm as they walked. "Don't give up - wait, you knock at your own house?"
"No, not normally." Kurt could already hear the sound of his father getting up to answer the door. "I just… I couldn't just walk in."
"Courage," Blaine murmured, just as Burt opened the door.
There was a long moment of silence and Kurt watched his father's face turn confused. "Kurt? Why did you knock? And who is…" He trailed off and Kurt closed his eyes, feeling a hot pit of fear form in the bottom of his stomach. Of course he would think that. "Is this your boyfriend? Kid, I thought we had a deal when it came to this kind of stuff." Kurt couldn't say anything, frozen in place by this on top of his own fear. "You said you'd tell me when you were bringing someone home instead of just rocking up -"
"Mr. Hummel." Blaine's voice suddenly cut in, authoritative and almost sharp. "I'm sorry, I know it's not my place but you need to give Kurt a chance to speak. I'm not Kurt's boyfriend, I'm here as a friend and as support because he needs to talk to you about something important."
Kurt sent a silent thanks in Blaine's direction as his father's face softened. "Oh. Well, uh, why don't you both come in and we'll talk about whatever's going on?"
The tense silence as they entered the living room was almost more than Kurt could take, and the words rushed out of him before he had even sat down. "Dad, I'm being bullied." He winced as his dad froze halfway to his seat and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I - I didn't know how to tell you."
Burt sat down slowly and Kurt did the same. "Okay, I know things have been rough at that school for awhile, what with the slushies and stuff. You're telling me it's worse than that?"
"Locker shoves," Kurt began quietly, not even sure how he was able to say it. "Lewd, sick, disgusting comments, being locked in closets, things getting stuck to me or thrown at me, trying to push me down the staircases…" he trailed off, casting a helpless glance at Blaine who nodded. Kurt had already flat out refused to discuss the kiss with his dad, but Blaine had insisted that he mention the death threat, and Kurt knew if he didn't then Blaine would. "And… and one of them threatened to kill me."
Kurt wasn't sure what he had expected. Knowing his father's explosive temper, he wouldn't have put it past him to immediately call the school or threaten to march down there even though it was a Saturday. Instead, Burt took a deep breath before letting it out in a sigh. "Why am I only learning this now?"
Forcing back the lump in his throat, Kurt could only go with the truth. "You and Carole are so happy and you were just getting married. I couldn't do that to you then. And then you went away on the honeymoon and by the time you'd gotten back… I couldn't talk about it to anybody. I just -" he cut himself off, struggling to reign in his emotions.
"Kurt, you know nothing means more to me than your safety," his father said, sounding almost disappointed but far too weary, before turning his attention to Blaine. "So, how did you find out what's going on?"
"Kurt and I met at Sectionals," Blaine explained. "I'm from Dalton Academy, I sing for the Warblers. I recognized that something was going on with Kurt pretty much straight away, having been there myself, so needless to say I wanted to give him the opportunity he needed to talk about it with someone who understood. And once I found out the extent, I told Kurt I'd do whatever it took to help him out."
There was a long silence after that and Kurt ducked his head, feeling the hot tears welling up in his eyes. This was what he had been afraid of, his father not being able to say anything not able to help, being angry at him for not having told him what was going on. "Well," Burt said finally, his voice taking on an odd tone that Kurt had never heard before, "at least someone's been looking after my kid, because I sure haven't."
Kurt's head snapped up at that. "Dad," he whispered. "Dad, it's not your fault."
"I should have known something was wrong, Kurt. You're a teenager, of course you aren't going to tell me everything that's wrong - I should be able to figure out the more serious stuff myself. And clearly something has been off, you've been different. Quieter. I put it down to that teenage angst but I should have known."
Without a second thought, Kurt was across the room throwing his arms around his father's neck. There were no words - maybe his father should have seen it but Kurt should have told him too. But now it was out in the open and they could move forward from here.
"Okay," Burt said as Kurt pulled away, sitting next to him. "Blaine, Dalton Academy. Is that the zero-tolerance bullying school?" Blaine nodded. "Kurt, how would you feel about going there?"
Kurt paused, blinked a few times. "But… we can't afford that…"
"You think I didn't set up a college fund?" Burt asked, almost incredulous. Kurt turned to stare at him and he shrugged. "Okay, your mother prompted it. But there's money in there, Kurt, money that you were going to take to New York or wherever you wanted to go to help you out, but I think it's far more important that it's used now. But it's your choice."
"Yes," Kurt said instantly. "I need to get out of that school."
"I'll call Dalton tomorrow," Burt promised. "See how quickly we can get you in."
Blaine coughed politely. "Mr. Hummel? It shouldn't be an issue, Dalton always reserves a few extra places for students in Kurt's situation so they can transfer in case of an emergency. I - I know this firsthand."
Burt, who had still been looking at Blaine suspiciously, relaxed and Kurt could see the pity in his eyes. "Okay. Thank you, Blaine, I'll be sure to call them straight away and get Kurt in then. Kid, you going to be alright telling that Glee club of yours that you're leaving?"
Kurt glanced at Blaine instantly who nodded. "I'll have some backup. I'll be fine."
Walking into Glee club with the same boy he had left Sectionals with certainly caused a stir. Rachel looked indignant but the twin glares of Mercedes and Quinn thankfully kept her silent long enough for Kurt to begin speaking. He might have interrupted one of Mr. Schuester's post Sectionals pep talks, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to care right now.
"The bullying is at its worst," Kurt explained quickly. "It's dangerous for me to be here, not just physically but emotionally. I can't handle the comments, the hatred."
"Kurt," Mercedes whispered, and Kurt could see the guilt flooding across her face. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Kurt shook his head. "I didn't know how. I was scared, too scared to tell. But Blaine… Blaine knew." And that was all Kurt was going to say, no matter how curious the room looked at that. Blaine's story was for him to tell, just like Kurt had to stand here and tell his own now. "I know we'll be competition at Regionals now, so good luck. I'll - I'll see you there."
Nobody said a word as Kurt left. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or hurt.
"I'm proud of you," Blaine said softly, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Kurt tried to smile, unconvincingly.
At least it was over now.
The first locker door slam had Kurt jumping a mile high. Except this time, he was blushing and immediately looking around to make sure nobody had noticed. After all, this was Dalton and Kurt wasn't supposed to be scared anymore.
"It'll take awhile," came the soft voice from behind him. "Just because you're out of that school doesn't mean your mind feels any safer."
"How long does it take," Kurt asked, his back still to Blaine.
There was a moment of silence. "Longer than you'd like. But it will get better."
Kurt turned, still shaking. "I'm so tired of being afraid," he whispered.
"Come on," Blaine said, putting a hand on his shoulder and gently leading him back down the hallway, away from the classrooms. "You and I are going to spend the day watching whatever movies you'd like in my dorm room, and then we'll get you initiated into the Warblers this afternoon."
And as they entered Blaine's room, Kurt continued to tell himself that what he was feeling for Blaine was nothing but gratitude and admiration. Nothing more.
A month in to his time at Dalton and Kurt had to face it - he was crazy about Blaine.
At first it had just been gratitude because Kurt owed Blaine so much for rescuing him, for noticing what nobody else had, for helping him to have the courage to get out of the situation. But as Kurt settled into Dalton and his own skin again, he recognized the feelings from back in the days he had been completely enamored with Finn, except stronger. Possibly because Blaine actually played for his team, or that Blaine paid attention to him in a good way. But he was definitely crushing on Blaine.
The only issue was that Blaine seemed so very determined that Kurt was still broken and needed to be fixed that Kurt knew he would never look past that and into any feelings he might or might not have for him. And Kurt wasn't trying to delude himself that Blaine was interested, but the possibility would never be discovered or explored if Kurt couldn't make Blaine believe that he was okay.
So he began slow. The first time Kurt had spoken up in a Warbler rehearsal with a contrary opinion, Blaine had stared at him like he didn't even know who Kurt was. But when Kurt's idea was shot down and he sat back down, the same old comforting Blaine was back with a hand on Kurt's arm. "It's alright, that's just the way things work here. It's nothing against you."
Kurt shrugged. "I know that. I don't care."
Blaine frowned. "You know you can be honest with me -?"
"I know," Kurt said again, giving him a thin smile before returning his attention to the Council, hoping Blaine would leave it at that.
Of course he didn't, and as the other Warblers were making their way out of the room, Blaine touched his arm gently. "Don't feel like you have to keep it inside anymore, okay?"
"Blaine, there's nothing to keep inside," Kurt said, trying not to snap at the boy. "It honestly doesn't bother me that they didn't like my suggestion. Each to their own."
Blaine looked confused even as he nodded his acceptance and Kurt suppressed a sigh. This was going to take a long time.
"So, I haven't asked you in awhile," Blaine began, his tone oh so familiar, "but how are you going with the whole Karofsky thing."
Kurt rolled his eyes before looking up with a smile. "Absolutely fine. I haven't thought about him in ages, actually. It helps not seeing him every day and I know he doesn't have any power over me anymore."
Blaine's smile was almost blinding and Kurt couldn't resist his own smile in return because Blaine really was gorgeous when he smiled. Well, Blaine was gorgeous all of the time, but that was beside the point at the moment. "I'm so proud of you! You're really getting there, Kurt."
Getting where? Kurt wanted to scream. I'm as 'there' as I'm going to get! I don't see what else I have to do until you realize I'm okay now!
Instead he continued to smile, stirring his coffee absently. "So, what did you think of the latest Vogue? That cover spread was a little too bland for me but the shoots more than made up for it in my opinion."
Blaine still shot him the usual reassuring look before answering but Kurt figured - and desperately hoped - that that would go away in time.
And hopefully that time is soon. I don't know how much longer I can go without telling him that I'm crazy about him.
Not long, it turned out.
Today was the day, Kurt told himself once again as he walked past Blaine's door for the seventh time. Today was the day he was going to go in there, sit down and tell Blaine he was interested, fear of rejection be damned. He was just going to turn around, walk straight back to that door and…
Kurt walked past it again, cursing himself under his breath. "Okay, that's okay. That's only the eighth time," he told himself. "Just go back and -"
"Kurt?"
Adopting a neutral expression, Kurt spun around to see Blaine peering out the door. "I thought I heard someone walking out here. What's going on?"
"Can I come in and talk to you for a second?"
"Of course!" Blaine pushed the door open, ushering Kurt in. "What is it, did something happen? Are you okay?"
Of course, this whole thing would work a lot better if Blaine wasn't looking at him like he was going to cry any second. "Nothing happened," he explained calmly, because at least this was something he didn't have to freak out over. "I'm fine, honest."
"Are you sure? You know you don't have to be afraid to tell me anything, right?"
"I know that," Kurt said, taking the words to heart. If he could tell Blaine anything, he could definitely tell him about this crush. Definitely.
Any second now…
"Kurt, you look really nervous." Blaine was holding both of his arms, staring at him intently. "Did someone call you?"
Kurt shook his head, patience wearing thin. "Blaine, nothing happened, okay!"
Blaine stepped back, nodding. "It's okay. If you don't want to talk about whatever it is now, that's absolutely fine, just know that I'm here for you and -"
Kurt snapped.
"Right, that's it!" he demanded, pointing to the seat furiously. Stunned, Blaine sat back down, staring up at him. "You are going to stop treating me like I'm broken! Yes, I went through hell, so did you! Just because it was more recent for me doesn't mean I need to be mollycoddled all the time, I'm fine now! Okay?"
"Kurt -"
"Look," Kurt said quickly, his voice softer. "I know you're trying to look out for me and I appreciate it. But I'm sure of myself now. Very sure, in fact, and sure enough to tell you that I'm pretty sure I'm head over heels for you, which is what I've been wanting to say."
"You -"
"And before you say anything, this isn't one of those things where I'm just glad you've helped me or I feel safe with you, I mean, all of that is true but it's not just that. I'm honestly interested in you, Blaine -"
"Kurt -"
Kurt sighed. "This would go a lot faster if you didn't interrupt. I get that you want to protect me, especially after what happened with Karofsky, but I'm over that now and I'm sure about this, Blaine. You're amazing and I've fallen for you and I just want to be able to have a normal relationship -"
"I -"
"Well, as normal as I could get in Ohio anyway. But I'm sure about this, so please don't insult me by trying to tell me that I'm wrong because -"
Oh.
"I believe you," Blaine said as they broke apart, Kurt raising a hand to his lips in shock. "I didn't want to believe you because I didn't want to get my hopes up, I didn't want you to get hurt and then this never have a chance of happening because I've wanted you for so long. But I couldn't, not straight away, not until I was sure, which is why I took it so slow -"
"Blaine, I think turtles have gotten together faster than that."
Blaine rolled his eyes but the smile was permanently attached to his face, Kurt had decided. "But now that I believe you that you are sure, I think it's time that I finally get around to asking you out, to making you mine, just like I've wanted to ever since I saw you from the stage that day."
Kurt was pretty sure his heart had skipped at least three beats. "Yes," he whispered before getting himself back under control. "But if you treat me like I'm broken again, I can't be held responsible for my actions."
"Don't worry," Blaine said, taking his hands softly. "I'll treat you just like you should be treated. Like the most precious person in my life."
And as Blaine kissed him again, all Kurt could do was melt.
It's a little choppy at points and if I had the time, I would have elaborated on a few more of the scenes. But I'm still happy with it.
MusicalEscape:
"You just looked at your hand. Come on, get it over with."
Andrew sighed and got to his feet, shooting an apologetic look in Wes's direction.
Then he walked to the council table, picked up the gavel, and kissed its head.