Nearly forgot to authors note for you guys!

I've been writing Blangst this afternoon. Another oneshot idea that wouldn't leave me alone that involves Blaine at the Hudmel household sobbing in Kurt's arms while the other three watch on with no idea what to do, especially the one person who caused it. So keep an eye out for that at some point in the near future.

From lizzard713: Each of them is having a discussion about his "type" of guy (i.e. appearance, personality traits, etc.) with a friend (and since you use Wes and Mercedes so much, I challenge you to use Thad for Blaine and Rachel or Santana for Kurt). They eventually realize that they are describing each other, cue ensuing fluff...

One, I always take my bonus points/challenges and two, I haven't done a good conspiracy in awhile. So here we go ;)

I just love writing Santana too. I'm not the best at writing her but she's an amazing character to develop.

Type

She was Queen Bitch of McKinley High for a reason.

That reason currently had Kurt Hummel trapped at a table at the Lima Bean with her, the boy trying not to look afraid and so clearly failing. "Relax, Hummel, I'm not going to rape you. You're not my type."

"And you're not mine," he snarked back. "What's this about, Santana?"

"You need to get some."

Kurt looked like he was going to choke on nothing. "Excuse me?" he finally got out, and Santana patiently repeated herself. "No, I heard you the first time. Wish I hadn't though," he added in an undertone. "Santana, there are so many things wrong with that, I can't - okay. First, why is it any of your business?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Please. When is it not my business what sexual antics people are getting up to at this school?"

"I don't go to this school."

"You're still one of us, Hummel." She noticed Kurt's expression soften a little at that and hurried on, not wanting him to get all mushy on her. "Plus, I'm sure there's meant to be some wanky prep on prep action going on over at that school of yours and you're the only person I can ask who'll actually tell me."

"Who said I'd tell you if I was?"

She laughed. "Seriously? You're such a prude that if you actually were you'd go bright red the second I asked. And I'm perfectly happy with hearing about what the other boys are up to but I'm more curious about why you aren't."

Kurt sighed. "I don't have a boyfriend."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"I don't do one night stands or hookups, Santana. I don't think any of the gay guys at Dalton do - or any of the guys full stop. At least none of the Warblers ever have."

"Bor-ing!" Santana took a sip of her coffee, tapping perfectly manicured nails against the rim. "Fine. Get a boyfriend."

Something akin to hurt flashed in his eyes but it was gone before she could ask, if she had even bothered to do so. "It's not that easy," he explained. "Contrary to your belief, there's only a few guys who are gay or at least out. Two of them are dating each other -"

"Wanky! Why didn't I hear of this earlier?"

Another sigh and now Kurt seriously looked like he wanted to throw something at her. "Because I don't ask for the intimate details of Nick and Jeff's love life and they are respectful enough not to shout it out over the choir room. I know it's not a concept you're used to but we're not all completely open about our personal lives. And even if I did know anything, I wouldn't tell you because that's not fair -"

"Yeah, you've made your point," Santana cut him off, bored. "You haven't got any details. Got it. What about the rest of the homos?" Kurt slowly raised his eyes, glaring daggers, and she raised a hand. "Fine, gays?"

"I suppose that's better than -" Kurt shook his head. "There's only three others. One's in a long distance relationship, one's just come out of a bad relationship and isn't looking to date and the third is Blaine."

"What about him?"

"What about him?" Kurt shot straight back, crossing his arms. "I don't have to fall in love with my best friend, you know? In fact, I don't have to fall in love with anybody, I'm only seventeen. Why are you pushing me to date when all of the relationships I've ever seen just fall apart?"

Santana winced, realizing he was right. "Because sometimes they don't," she said simply. "Look at Tina and Mike, they're like never going to break up."

"Tina was with Artie first."

"And it's very uncommon that you stay with your first partner," she explained, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes because seriously? Was he actually that naive that the first love was the one that would last? "It's about finding the kind of person you want to be with and sometimes you have to go through a few to get there."

Kurt nodded slowly. "I just don't know how to do that."

And this was something she could do. "Tell me what your type is then."

There was a long silence. "I don't know."

Santana let herself sigh. "Okay, let's break it right down to basics then, Hummel. Two main categories - appearance and personality. Let's start with appearance. Hair? Dark or light? And before you answer," she added in quickly, "don't think about it. Just say the first thing that comes to mind."

Kurt nodded and she repeated her first question. "Dark."

"Curly or straight?"

"Curly."

Immediately a picture flashed to Santana's mind but she held her tongue, waiting to get the full effect once it all came clear in Kurt's mind. "Height?"

"Doesn't matter. Shorter would be kind of nice."

Smirking was really hard not to do right now. "Fashion sense?"

"I have enough fashion for the both of us." And now he was pretty much preening, but Santana had to admit he was right. "I don't care. Whatever he's comfortable in."

"Anything in particular for first impressions?"

Kurt shut his eyes. "He needs a nice smile. Eyes too, preferably something around hazel. Soft skin but his hands could be calloused from playing guitar a lot. Not too muscly, that's just not that attractive to me, but sinewy, compact kind of build."

This was about a million times easier than she had thought it would be and Santana finally allowed the smirk to cross her face since he still wasn't looking. "Personality?" she prompted.

"Accepting," was the immediate response. "Friendly, and a friend before anything else. Someone I can really get along with, talk about Vogue covers and music and sing and get coffee with. Someone who'll understand that I get upset sometimes and sometimes I just need to be alone and they won't take offense to it. Obviously this would really suck but maybe someone who's experienced some of the hurt I have so they know."

He may have rambled forever but Santana caught movement out of the corner of her eye and knew it was time to act. "Okay, come back to me Hummel. Enough fantasizing." Kurt opened his eyes, glaring again and she laughed. "Come on, just listen. Put it all together and then maybe, just for a long shot, try comparing that guy against all the guys you know."

It took longer than expected and Santana thought she had blown it until his eyes suddenly shot open again, perfectly timed. "Blaine," he breathed out. "It's Blaine. He's my type."

"Well thank god for that," came the voice from behind Kurt and Santana grinned as Kurt's eyes went wide, "because I had no idea how to start this conversation except by saying the same thing about you."

Apparently being on the Warbler Council wasn't quite enough to be trustworthy.

"What's this all about, Thad?"

Blaine was staring at him so suspiciously that he had to laugh. "Seriously, you need to relax," he said. "I'm not planning anything, I just want to talk to you."

"If you're trying to get me on the Council next year, the answer is no."

"You're not even going to be a Senior next year, Blaine." Thad sighed. "It's not about anything Warbler related."

Now the suspicion was even higher because yeah, they were friends but they weren't close the way Blaine was close to Wes or David and they were almost definitely the better choice for this but Thad had… well. He had drawn the short straw. "Then what is it?"

Better to just jump into it, he figured. "Why don't you date?"

Blaine stiffened, noticeable even across the table. "I fail to see how that is any business of yours," he whispered, harsher than Thad had ever heard.

"Well I could go ahead and tell you about some silly Warbler rule that says that Council members are fully entitled to ask after their Warbler's personal lives to make sure they're making the right choices… but really, I'm just a bit concerned. I know you went through crap and I just - I want to know that you know it's okay to be yourself."

And that was the truth.

He softened, taking a sip of his coffee before answering. "It's nothing like that. I'm definitely out and proud, it's just that I haven't found that right person to be with, I guess."

That was encouraging and Thad immediately jumped on that thought before it could get away. "That right person? Sounds like you've got a bit of an image in mind."

Blaine rolled a shoulder back nonchalantly. "Well, I mean I have a few things, yeah."

"Tell me about them?"

A raised eyebrow. "Why?"

Thad shrugged. "Why not? Might help you work out a bit of an action plan on how to get this Mr. Perfect of yours." Blaine still looked uncomfortable and Thad sighed. "Okay, let's go right back to basics. Close your eyes and tell me what you see when you think of him."

"Most of it is about personality -"

"But not all of it," Thad interjected, catching the slip. "Come on, clearly you can think of something. What's the fantasy, jock?"

Blaine shook his head, forehead creasing a little. "No, not a jock. An artist, like myself. Someone who looks just as beautiful as the creations they make and not just because they style themselves that way - even though a lot of effort goes into appearance with them - but because their beauty is natural. I've got a thing for soft skin and pale too, pale is seriously beautiful."

Thad shot a glance across the cafe and grinned.

"But it's the personality that gets me," Blaine continued, clearly lost in his fantasy now. "Someone gentle but easy to fire up if they get passionate about something. Someone who wants what they want and takes it, but also knows when to step back. Someone who doesn't let their past haunt them or define them, just remind them of how sometimes you need to be on guard. And graceful." Blaine let out a little laugh. "I never even realized graceful could be a personality trait until I met -"

He froze and Thad resisted the urge to victory dance in his seat. "Until you met?" he prompted.

"Kurt," came the dull reply and Blaine opened his eyes, his expression unreadable. "That whole time I was fantasizing about Kurt being my perfect person and oh my god this kind of makes me the worst friend ever."

Thad shook his head immediately wondering whether Blaine was always this naive or only when it came to feelings. "No, it kind of makes you a great friend and potential boyfriend. And now that you've realized, what's stopping you from making a move?"

"Because I don't know if he feels the same."

"And what better way to find out than taking a chance?" Thad leant in and delivered the final hook, the one that he knew would get Blaine on board. "Isn't Kurt worth taking a chance on?"

Blaine closed his eyes slowly before nodding to himself. "Yeah," he murmured. "Yeah, he is."

"So," Thad completed, "tell me this. If you had the chance to say this to Kurt right now, to tell him how you feel and take a chance on him, would you?"

"Right now?" More thought and then another nod. "Yeah, I probably would."

Thad grinned, sudden and startling. "Great. He's sitting three tables behind you."

He was pretty sure Blaine nearly got whiplash from spinning around so fast. And when he spun back, rubbing his neck, eyes wide, Thad allowed himself to grin like he had wanted to the entire time. "You set this up."

"Santana set this up actually and pulled me on board." Thad's smile softened. "She's quite the girl. But she's currently talking to Kurt about his perfect guy and we're pretty sure you're going to come to an eerily similar conclusion on your preferences. And no, that doesn't mean Kurt's in love with himself." Blaine was still gaping at him and Thad sighed. "Come on, you said if you had the chance you'd tell him how you felt. You have the chance, and I'm not letting you back out."

The glare directed at him was livid but Thad smiled as sweetly as he could and stood, gesturing for Blaine to follow. "I hate you," Blaine said as he followed suit and Thad let him go first. Santana caught his eye and the look on her face was of such contentment that he knew they had gotten it perfect, especially when he heard the comment from Blaine.

Gesturing to Santana, the two slipped back to Thad's table and sipped their respective coffees for a second. "Job well done?" Santana finally said.

Thad nodded. "I believe so. What are they doing?"

Santana peered over his shoulder. "Talking. Blaine looks nervous but he's talking at least and oh, now he's grinning like Quinn does any time she gets one over Rachel. And they're - leaving. Great."

"Do we follow?"

"What do you think, prep school? No wait." Santana held up a hand, eyes clearly following their path. "Okay, now we follow."

Thad had completely lost track of the two but Santana seemed confident, headed straight towards the park across the road, deserted due to the time of day. The only two people present were the two boys they wanted, sitting together on a park bench with their hands linked. Thad grinned at the progress but Santana looked bored. "I did this so I could see some making out."

"Just be patient," Thad told her, glad he was finally the one with more information. "Blaine's ridiculously passionate and a touchy feely person, he probably won't be able to last much longer."

Santana raised an eyebrow without looking at him. "Explain how you know this?"

"Oh god, not like that!"

Thankfully Thad was saved from that as Blaine raised a hand to cup Kurt's cheek and they both silenced, watching. There were a few more words passed between them and then Blaine was leaning in to kiss Kurt, soft and sweet and Thad's smile grew. Yes, he had done this for Santana but really it had been for Kurt and Blaine themselves. It had been clear for some time that not only were they both lonely, all they needed was that push to realize that they already knew the person who would take that loneliness away.

They broke apart and Santana snorted quietly. "That's not a kiss - oh. There we go, Hummel. That's what I'm talking about."

Thad grabbed Santana's arm and not-so-gently dragged her away from the two boys. Kurt had just leant back in, grabbing Blaine's face and kissing him almost desperately and yes, it was hot even for the straightest of guys, but it was also private. "That's their first kiss," he explained when they had gotten far enough away and Santana was glaring daggers at him. "Look, spy on them all you like once they're officially together. But just let them have that moment, okay? They need this."

Santana caved. "Alright, but you owe me another coffee. And don't even think about calling this a date," she added as she spun on her heel, returning to the Lima Bean.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Thad said, following her in.

Maybe he would dream of it. But he wasn't going to push his luck when it was so obvious how against relationships Santana was - yes, she had gotten the two together but it was only so she could watch them make out… wasn't it?

Thad thought. Remembered the way Santana's eyes had softened when they had kissed, the slight clenching of her hand like she wished she was holding onto someone at that point. The almost loneliness in her eyes that he had only just picked up.

The way they had told Kurt and Blaine to take a chance on each other.

"Hey Santana?"

And poor Thaddeus would then get shot down because Santana's in love with Britt.

MusicalEscape:

"Open it!"

*tears paper off* Thanks for the... um... Cardboard box!"

"We can play spaceship! Or car race!"

"Or you can buy me dinner and not risk a mysterious disappearance of your Katy Perry CDs later..."