I've made a Tumblr post about the scrapbook. I'll link it up to my profile either when I get home from work (in 11 hours) or sometime tomorrow afternoon so you can all see :)

From Ms Imogen Blaine Anderson: Blaine has a secret-those scars really aren't from a bike accident, and the new ones aren't from playing with a cat (feel free to change excuses). Kurt figures it out, as he has old scars too.

AU from... let's say A Very Glee Christmas onwards. That's about where I think Kurt starts getting confident in himself again.

You guys know what this topic means to me. Again, I hope I did it justice.

Trigger warnings. Explicit talk of self harm. Please don't read if you are going to be triggered.

Scars

Blaine loved being a student at Dalton Academy.

Of course everybody knew that. Somehow, without the details being leaked at all, people became aware that Blaine had been bullied at his old school and the reason for coming to Dalton was for the zero tolerance. Even without that fact, it was obvious that Blaine loved Dalton - he often told others of the wonderful experiences at the school, joined extra curricular activities with enthusiasm and took great pride in his uniform and standard of dress. Blaine also loved the uniform. Smart, comfortable enough to work in, and with a blazer to die for. For someone who had no idea about fashion, it worked very well for him.

But the main reason Blaine loved the blazer was because it had long sleeves. And long sleeves meant he could hide.

If the news behind the real reason of Blaine's transfer ever got out, Blaine knew nobody would ever look at him the same way. Here stood the lead soloist of the Warblers, the out and proud homosexual, the guy who got along with everybody... all of that would crumble at his feet if people learned his secrets. The cutting, the depression, the suicidal thoughts - it would all destroy him. Blaine knew that, and he couldn't allow it to happen.

So he hid. He hid behind the uniform, he hid behind the popularity, he hid behind that smiling face everybody saw every day. Oh, that wasn't to say he wasn't happy - after all, he was at Dalton and everything was great there. But there was certainly more to Blaine than he would ever feel comfortable letting on, things that would wipe that smile from his face if they ever found out.

And for a long time he could live that way. Having Jeff as a roommate helped; since Blaine showered at night and Jeff in the morning, Blaine always knew he would have time to get changed without any possibility of being caught out. Nobody badgered him about his past, nobody said anything that would bring up the old wounds. And if anybody did find out, he could just whip out an excuse - remnants of bullying for the old ones, and cat scratches or football accidents for the fresher - and they would accept it, because people trusted him here. Life was as good as it could be for a recovering self-harmer.

And then Kurt showed up.

If Blaine had known at the time that turning around on the stairs that day to help the boy out would result in the eventuality of his secrets being found out, he could honestly say he would have kept walking. Yes, he would have lost an amazing friend, but he would have kept his privacy and his reputation intact, and that's what had mattered back then. But at the time, it had just been another boy who had too much pain in his eyes, someone who Blaine could relate to and understand and even help. Help this kid out like he had wanted to be helped, and perhaps he could heal a few of his wounds too.

So he befriended Kurt, became a mentor of sorts to the boy, and slowly helped him heal from the horrific bullying and abuse he had received at his past school. All done while slowly falling for the boy himself. And once Kurt was strong again, Blaine found himself at a loss of what to do. Kurt didn't need him anymore, Kurt was stronger than he was... and Kurt was getting too close.

It didn't help that Blaine had found himself starting to cut again. It wasn't every day like in the past, but every couple of weeks the pressure and temptation would build up, and he would give in to his old vice again. He knew if anybody found out about that, things would be even more ruined than if they learned about his past.

So as much as Blaine didn't want to do it, he began to distance himself.

Kurt didn't notice at first. They still got a coffee about once a week and talked about whatever subjects came up, but Blaine wasn't always around at lunch anymore, preferring to hide out in the library. He wasn't always available after school, busy with homework. Weekends were always out of the question anyway, with Kurt returning to Lima. And slowly, Blaine distanced out their coffee dates until they hadn't had one in a month.

And now it seemed that Kurt was noticing, if the way the boy had just shown up unannounced at his door said anything.

"Blaine?" Kurt paused and gave Jeff a look. The blonde boy immediately disappeared from the room and Blaine realized they had planned it. "We need to talk."

Inwardly hating himself, Blaine gestured to his textbook. "I'm actually a little busy right now, Kurt. Could you maybe come back later?"

He had already prepared himself for the dejected look on Kurt's face (the one that broke his heart every single time) and for the boy to acquiesce and leave. What he hadn't prepared for was Kurt kicking the door shut behind him and crossing his arms. "Not this time. Not again." He walked across the room, sitting on the edge of Jeff's bed and facing Blaine. "You've used that line too many times on me for me to not realize what's going on."

Blaine sighed, knowing full well that it was true. Kurt was smart, of course he was going to have worked it out eventually. "Alright then. What can I do for you?"

"I want to know what I did wrong."

Blaine blinked a couple of times. "Excuse me?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, but Blaine could see the flickering of uncertainty. "Blaine, you've been shutting me out for weeks. At first I thought what you were saying was true, that you were just busy with schoolwork and all that. But I talked to Jeff and he said that you're hardly ever studying and you don't have any trouble with your subjects like you led me to believe. So I know there's something else to it, and I want to know what's going on."

"Kurt, I - I don't know what you're talk-"

"I knew you'd say that." Kurt's voice, quiet and bitter, interrupted him. "Look, I get it, okay? You felt sorry for me when I first got here so you felt it was your... duty, to help me out. Gay kid to gay kid and all that. And now that I'm settled in, you don't want me dragging you down. I understand. I just wish you could have told me before I made a fool of myself trying to be your friend when you clearly didn't want it."

Oh crap.

"Kurt, no, this isn't about that at all." Blaine put every ounce of sincerity into his words, trying to get Kurt to believe him. "I like being your friend, I promise. You are such an amazing person, and I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression that you were just someone 'dragging me down' because you're not. I just -"

He cut himself off, knowing he didn't have any explanations other than the truth. And the truth was not coming out, no matter how much he was beginning to suspect he might be in love with the boy sitting in front of him.

"Blaine..." Kurt reached out for his arm but Blaine jerked it away on instinct, fingers lacing through the cuffs of his sleeves nervously. Kurt looked wounded for a second before a contemplative look crossed his face. "Okay, tell you what. How about we go and get a coffee tomorrow and you can prove to me that you want me around?"

Blaine knew he was stuck, so did the only thing he could do. "That sounds great. Where do you want to go?"

Kurt was already standing. "I'll pick you up after your last class. I know a good place." He offered Blaine a quick wave before heading out of the room, leaving Blaine blinking in surprise after him, still trying to work out the meaning behind Kurt's sudden mood change.

Could he have...?

Blaine refused to let himself think it. He had worked so hard to keep his secrets hidden and if Kurt figured them out, he didn't know what he would do. So he just turned back to his homework and hoped for the best the next day.

As promised, Kurt picked him up straight away after his last class, leading him down to his Navigator. "So, where are we headed?" Blaine asked, trying to keep his usual chipper attitude in place.

"Out to Lima actually. I know it's a long way," Kurt herded off his questions, "but it's Friday. If it gets too late you can just crash at my place."

Ignoring the slight thrill at the prospect of spending the night at Kurt's house, Blaine smiled, nodding his agreement. "That sounds good to me. So, how was your day?"

The car trip passed in a comfortable element of small talk. Blaine realized that he had a lot to catch up on since he had, for all intents and purposes, been ignoring Kurt the past month. Apparently McKinley were working hard to beat them at Regionals and Kurt was feeling the pressure of not being able to hang out with his friends as much. It was nothing personal, he insisted, just the fact that they could inadvertently spill their respective groups secrets in casual conversation.

Of course this fact alone just made Blaine feel worse about what he had done. After Kurt had left his room, Blaine had about an hour alone before Jeff had returned. In this time, his studying had only lasted about five minutes before his thoughts returned to the look on Kurt's face, the way Kurt had thought that he was the one who had done something wrong... and the guilt had completely overwhelmed Blaine. You're the one who screwed up, the voice nagged at him, you're the one who deserves to be hurting.

So he had grabbed the craft knife he kept sitting innocently in his pencil holder, ducked into the bathroom, turned the shower up full boar and cut. It was only once and wasn't particularly deep, but it helped Blaine to clear his head.

"Blaine?"

Shaking his head, Blaine turned back to Kurt with his best smile in place. "I'm sorry, got lost in thought there. What were you saying?"

"We're here." Kurt gestured out the window and Blaine turned, before turning straight back to Kurt in confusion. "I know, it's not a coffee shop," he said almost sheepishly, "but we have a coffee machine, and I'd rather avoid the crowds this afternoon."

Blaine glanced up at the house they had pulled up outside. "Your house, I presume?" At Kurt's nod, he shrugged. "Works fine for me. Do I get to meet your family?"

Kurt was already out of the car so Blaine had to catch up before he heard his answer. "No, Carole and Dad are at work, and I think Finn's got football." As Kurt unlocked the front door, Blaine frowned. So, me and Kurt, alone at his house? What? "I hope you don't mind, but things are just so crazy around Dalton right now that I wanted some time away from so many people. If you're not comfortable with it, we can always go to the Lima Bean."

"No, no it's fine." Blaine followed Kurt into the house, where he was directed to a living room and ordered to sit. As Kurt headed into the kitchen, Blaine looked around the room, taking in the tasteful design that had to be attributed to Kurt and trying not to let the fact that he was sitting in his crush's house get to him.

Kurt returned a few minutes later with coffee, which Blaine took eagerly. In his attempts at avoiding Kurt, he had had to cut back his own coffee trips which hadn't boded well for his caffeine addiction. "This is great, thank you."

Kurt nodded, taking a sip of his own and putting it on the table. "So, I've been thinking." The shiver that ran up Blaine's spine at that was unexpected, especially because he couldn't tell where Kurt was taking the conversation. His optimistic side immediately tried to tell him that Kurt was admitting to feelings of a similar nature, but as Kurt continued, that hope died. "I was thinking about what you said yesterday about it not being about me. That I wasn't the reason you drifted away. That's still right?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly, praying that Kurt wouldn't ask for an elaboration.

"Yeah. So then I wondered what else could make someone drift away from somebody else like that. And I figured if it wasn't me, then it must have been you."

Blaine slowly put his coffee mug down on the table, trying to think of something quickly. Kurt was waiting, clearly wanting to hear what Blaine had to say. "Well," Blaine began, his mind still whirring frantically, "I mean, things are stressful, you said it yourself. It might not have been schoolwork, but we do have Regionals coming up and... and all that stuff," he finished lamely, just hoping it was enough.

For a second, he thought it was. But then Kurt shook his head and, in one sentence, potentially destroyed Blaine's life.

"Blaine, I need you to roll up your sleeves."

No...

Blaine gave Kurt his best confused expression, mind working frantically to think of a cover story that would be believable, or a way to make this whole conversation stop in its tracks. "I don't understand, Kurt. What are you implying here?"

Kurt simply raised an eyebrow. "I'm waiting, Blaine."

"Why would you need me to roll up my sleeves?" Blaine was beginning to panic but so far doing well at keeping it off his face. "It's not like it's warm in here, in fact it's a little cold. So I'd rather -"

"Blaine, if you don't do it, I will."

Kurt's voice was quiet, but the effect was as strong as if he had screamed the words in Blaine's face, and Blaine knew there was no other option. Taking as long as could, Blaine unbuttoned the cuffs of his blazer sleeves, slipping the thick material off his shoulders before taking a deep breath. You could still run, he told himself, before remembering that Kurt had driven him to Lima and walking back to Dalton was probably not the smartest of ideas. But at this point he would almost take anything to keep his secret safe, to keep people's judgement away...

Except Kurt was still staring at him, waiting. And Blaine realized he must already know, yet there was no judgement in his eyes. So, for the first time in four years, Blaine rolled up his sleeves and bared his scar covered arms.

Kurt's gaze held his for a second before dropping to his arms. Blaine unconsciously looked down too, his eyes taking in every scar and remembering the stories behind them. Every taunt, locker slam, rejection and bashing were written in the pale lines on his skin forever. But the worst thing to Blaine's eyes was the freshest cut from the previous night, practically mocking him and making it so clear to Kurt that this wasn't a thing of the past. This was still ongoing, and Blaine was still a screw up.

He couldn't look up, couldn't bring himself to meet those eyes again which had to be judging him now. Now that Kurt had seen it for himself, he couldn't see Blaine the same way again. There was just no way. And that was what he had feared the most - not that they would take his positions away from him, but that people would see him differently. He wouldn't be just Blaine anymore, he'd be 'Blaine the Emo,' or 'Blaine the Cutter,' or...

"Blaine."

All he could do now was look up, into Kurt's eyes which were... filled with tears?

"Can I?"

Kurt gestured to take Blaine's hands and he nodded. Then Kurt's hands were squeezing his, thumbs running lightly over the unmarred skin at the bottom of his hands. "Blaine, why didn't you tell me?"

And that was all it took for Blaine's composure to crack and years worth of tears to erupt. He was in Kurt's arms instantly, hands rubbing circles into his back soothingly. As he sobbed his heart out, the words kept replaying in his head - why didn't you tell me?

"I - I haven't told anyone," he whispered brokenly into Kurt's shoulder. "I couldn't. It would d-destroy everything I stand for."

When his breathing finally calmed down enough, Kurt pulled away, his own eyes red. "Tell me," he said quietly, taking Blaine's hands in his own again. So Blaine did. Over the next hour, he shared all the stories of his past that he had never told another soul - the bullying that Kurt knew so well himself, but also the indifference of his parents and what had started his cutting.

"It's like they never noticed me, or cared. So I thought if I tried doing something drastic, they'd notice. But they didn't... and then I couldn't stop. It felt too good." Blaine sighed brokenly. "It's my release when singing isn't enough. And I just kept getting lower and lower and it kept getting worse..."

"What changed?" Kurt murmured quietly. Their hands were still linked and had stayed that way the entire time, Blaine taking an immense amount of comfort from the gesture. "I know you still do it, but it looks like you're getting better."

Blaine nodded slowly. "I think I am. Coming to Dalton helped, getting away from the bullying and starting over. I got to make myself into whoever I wanted to be, and if that happened to be the confident lead soloist of the Warblers then I was going to take it with both hands. I'm respected there, not hated. And I know I'm just a fake -"

"You're not." Kurt's voice left no room for argument. "Blaine, there's a difference between putting up a mask and putting on a whole new personality. You're being you right now, and you're still Blaine. Yes, you hide sometimes, but we all do, because we're all afraid of different things."

Blaine couldn't hold back the bitter laugh. "I'm sorry, when are you ever not yourself?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow but thankfully didn't take offense. "When I sit back in Warbler rehearsals and put on a smile and pretend I'm okay with you getting all of the solos, for one. Not that I said that to make you feel bad," he added hastily, correctly interpreting Blaine's emotions. "Not at all. I know the Council decides it. But the real Kurt Hummel would be throwing a diva tantrum of the likes that the Warblers have never seen, I promise you that."

Blaine allowed himself a smile at that. "So why don't you?"

"Because it's not the right thing to do in that situation, and because it takes more strength to be a part of the team. It's the sacrifice I make." Kurt squeezed his hands lightly. "But that's not what we're talking about. You put on a mask because you want people to think that you're courageous. Have you ever thought that it might be braver to admit that you're broken?"

The words hit Blaine hard. "You mean let people see me like this?" He shuddered at the thought. "Kurt, I couldn't."

"Why not? What is it that you're afraid of?"

"Judgement." The word slipped out before Blaine could think about it, but he knew it was the truth. "I'm afraid everybody will see me as someone to be pitied or someone who can't take care of himself, when I'm not that person anymore. I still break down sometimes, and I still have nightmares, and yes I still c-cut," and god did he hate that word, "but I'm stronger now."

Inexplicably, Kurt was smiling at him. "Did you listen to what you just said? Those aren't the words of a broken man, Blaine, they're the words of a fighter. And if people saw this person right here, they couldn't judge you, at least not your friends or fellow Warblers. Because they'd see what I see - someone who got knocked down before, but picked himself back up and kept on going."

Blaine shook his head, wanting to deny the words. How could anybody see this as me fighting back? He unconsciously removed one of his hands from Kurt's, trailing it lightly over the freshest scar, wincing at the sting he felt. Kurt's hand covered his instantly, tugging it away. "Don't do that," he said quietly. "You don't want it to get infected. Have you treated it?"

"It's not deep enough for that."

Kurt lifted his wrist slightly, inspecting the fresh cut. "I'd feel better if you put something on it, or at least wrapped it. It must be stinging."

Blaine frowned, looking back up at Kurt as a thought struck him. "How do you know all of this stuff? Please tell me you haven't...?"

But Kurt was already rolling up his sleeve, revealing a few faded scars. Blaine sucked in a breath, even though they were clearly from a long time ago. "I only tried it twice. Once in a fit of emotion, the second time to see if it helped. It didn't."

"Kurt," Blaine whispered, not sure what to say. The fact that Kurt understood where he was coming from made the discovery suddenly so much more relevant. Kurt had been where he was and gotten through it. It might not have been as significant as his own battle, but Kurt knew. And Kurt was still here, still sitting with him, and Blaine was in love with him. They were the facts right there, no matter what else.

"Once I saw your reaction to me trying to take your arm last night, I knew there was something deeper going on." Kurt rolled down his sleeve. "I did some research, but I was fairly confident I was right." He hesitated for a second, his hand hovering in the air. "Do you trust me?"

"Always," Blaine murmured, the word coming to his lips without having to think about it. Kurt nodded, holding his eye contact for a few more seconds before gently lowering his fingers to trace the scars at the top of Blaine's arm.

Blaine sucked in a breath and Kurt stopped immediately. "Too much?" he asked, concern etched into his face, and Blaine shook his head. It was a lot, yes, but Blaine had definitely exposed himself a great deal already, so he figured he might as well keep pushing himself. Kurt's fingers continued to run down the lines, tracing over every single scar on Blaine's right arm before moving to the left. Blaine watched in silence as the fingers skimmed over his arm, skirting around the open cut before finishing at his hand, which Kurt took again. "That was brave of you," he murmured quietly, catching Blaine's eye again.

"I'm not brave," Blaine said stubbornly. "This isn't brave. Turning to a knife when I get freaked out isn't brave, Kurt, it's cowardice. It's me not being able to talk about what's going on or deal with it properly."

"That may be true, but what's brave is you opening up to me like you have. I saw that fear in your eyes when you realized I knew, and I honestly thought you were going to run, that I'd pushed you too far. But you stayed." And before Blaine knew what Kurt was doing, his arm was being lifted and Kurt's lips were pressed gently against one of his largest scars.

This time, Blaine didn't even move, feeling the complete love of the gesture washing over him. He knew he had Kurt's complete acceptance, no matter how many times more he might screw up in the future. And it was right then that Blaine knew he was ready to start fighting back. Fighting against the fears that had held him down for so long, fighting against the masks he felt he always had to wear, and fighting the addiction. It was time to beat this thing.

"I'm ready," he murmured. He didn't elaborate, and he didn't need to. Kurt understood, and he was already pulling him in for a hug, silently offering his complete support. Blaine knew he would need it. But for now, there was something else he needed to do. So, pulling away so he could look into Kurt's face again, Blaine said the words that had been on his mind for days.

"I love you."

Many would say it was a bold move, but Blaine knew he could handle the rejection more now than at any other time. Whether Kurt loved him romantically or not, Blaine knew Kurt still loved him as a friend. So it was more of a surprise when Kurt, after a moment of shocked hesitation, replied with, "I love you too."

"And I'm going to fight this," Blaine continued after a few moments of meaningful silence. "I'm not letting it have any more power over me. I know it won't be easy, but one day I'll be clean and I'll be proud of it. And I'm going to be myself, because you were right. It's braver to be me."

Before he knew what was happening, Kurt's lips were pressed softly up against his. Blaine kissed back on sheer instinct before his mind kicked into gear. He almost wanted to pull away, to tell Kurt that he didn't want to be kissing someone like him, someone so messed up. Then he remembered the scars on Kurt's arms and the look in his eyes and knew Kurt would never accept that anyway. And maybe it's not such a bad thing for me to have him.

Kurt pulled back a moment later, eyes searching to make sure Blaine was okay. "And I'm going to help you," he murmured. "Where do you want to start?"

Blaine swallowed back his fears. "I know just the place."

"I now call this Warbler meeting to order." Wes banged his gavel slightly louder than usual, all attention focused on him. If anybody looked close enough or knew Wes as well as Blaine did, they would see the slight redness around his eyes that indicated he had been crying. "Blaine has the floor today, and he has something important to say. If anybody tries to take this in a less than serious manner, I will not hesitate to throw them out. Not just out of the meeting," he added. "Out of the Warblers."

Wes nodded in his direction and Blaine stood, tugging Kurt up with him. "I have to come clean," he began, before finding the rest of his words failing him. He glanced helplessly at Kurt who squeezed his hand meaningfully, and Blaine knew what he had to do. Under the watchful eyes of every Warbler present, Blaine released Kurt's hand, undid his blazer and let it fall off his shoulders, revealing a short sleeved dress shirt underneath, his forearms completely bare.

The stunned silence echoed around the room and Blaine refused to meet anybody's eyes, not wanting to see the judgement. It was only when the first set of arms were around his neck that he looked up in surprise. "You're still Blaine," Jeff said quietly in the silence of the room. "Nothing changes that in our eyes."

And with that, the floodgates had been opened. Every single Warbler was on their feet, making their way to the front of the room to surround Blaine in a group hug. He couldn't hold his tears back as he looked around the room, not seeing a single glimpse of the judgement he had feared for so long.

The quiet rapping of the gavel caught everybody's attention again, but nobody moved to sit down. "Just one more thing," Wes announced. "All in favor of Blaine staying as our lead soloist?"

Blaine was the only person who didn't raise his hand which quickly changed when Kurt put it up for him. Blaine turned to him, trying to silently offer him every thank you under the sun for what he had done. Kurt just smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek lightly. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered in his ear.

"Face it, Blaine," Wes said, abandoning his gavel and joining the rest of the group. "We love you."

And as the rest of the group echoed the sentiment, Blaine couldn't help but know it was true. And with all of that love surrounding him, he knew he could fight. He could fight, and he would win.

This story is dedicated to everybody who has helped me with my own self harming issues. Whether it has been by reviewing one of my self harm based stories with positive comments, offering yourself as someone for me to talk to if necessary, helping me talk through things, or just sending love in general, you have all helped me so much more than you will ever realize. You are all my Warblers.

To everybody who struggles with self harm themselves, you can win too. If you ever want to talk, my Ask on Tumblr is always open (link in my profile) and my PM inbox here - although more unreliable - also.

MusicalEscape:

"Okay, guys, I think I know how to beat Wes!"

"No offense, Kurt, but you've only played paintball once before-"

"Just listen. I stole Wes's gavel. We hang it from a tree branch about 9 feet up. His gavel senses will show him where it is. While he's trying to get it, we ambush him with Redvines!"

"...can I taunt Wes with the Redvine?"

"Yes."