Notes: Now betaed! Sending all my love to the amazing thislifeisawasteland =)
Lupin carefully stirred the sugar in his cup of milk tea. He always considered tea an excellent remedy for headaches. The mediwizards, however, would likely argue with him about this issue. The full moon brought Remus migraines, so he simply sat in his office reviving his past fears and remembering old heartache. The potion brewed by Severus dutifully waited on the windowsill. Lupin drank his tea and pondered.
Every month, when the full moon was shining from the sky, Remus remembered his true essence and all his losses. Unable to bear his loneliness, he went to his office, closed the heavy curtains, and remembered his wife who died in that thrice-damned Last Battle. Lupin no longer believed in the highest moral ideals that the now deceased Albus used to stuff his head with. If it was possible to replay everything, Remus would take Tonks by the hand and apparate far, far away, where it was warm, safe and where were no cunning Headmasters inspired everyone with funny stories about duty, moral, and one true choice.
Teddy was staying with Harry, there was no need to worry about the safety of his son, so Lupin indulged in his sad thoughts alone. He had long guessed about Minerva and Poppy's cunning plan, and when he caught sight of Hermione's diary with her calculations for the Potion of Pristine Memories, the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. Severus planned to return to the past and prevent the tragedy that happened to his wife. Overcoming his own jealousy, Lupin admitted that Snape would probably succeed.
Remus asked himself, would he have the courage to take such a step? To have the courage to see his wife again, to go all the way from indecisive courtship to her confident wish to become his life partner. To wait for Teddy to be born, to rush headlong into the very thick of the Battle and... to fail to save Tonks last-minute. Remus missed the deadly spell. He did not manage to counter the crazy killing curse shot from the tip of the wand of one Death Eaters. No, Remus could never live through that again. Time had passed. Life went on. Tonks was dead. Remus lived. However, Severus had a completely different opinion on that matter and did not take into account the sentimental beliefs of the overly brave Gryffindors.
Remus, admittedly, thought that with the death of Hermione, his cautious partnership with Snape would end. The more he remembered the past, the more he became convinced that Severus' former dislike, even hatred, for the last of the Marauders had not gone anywhere, but he was wrong.
When the Ministry passed their ludicrous Marriage Law, Hermione was just doing an apprenticeship for the Defense Against the Dark Arts degree, preparing to become a curse breaker for Gringotts. Therefore, she needed to learn certain skills. Once complaining to Minerva that no one wanted to take a war heroine and a witch who was too smart for any internship position, Hermione immediately got both a mentor and a place to practice.
Remus grinned sadly, remembering what a huge scandal Snape had thrown that day when, during one of the meetings in the staff room, Minerva announced to everyone that Hermione would be arriving at Hogwarts very soon. To this day, Lupine did not know what had angered Severus that day, but his wolf instinct told him that Potions Master was driven by banal jealousy.
It seemed that Snape was trying, and failing, to figure out how Remus had managed to establish friendly relations with his former student, and even take her as a godmother for Teddy. While Severus himself simply kept fighting with Hermione for no reason and with so little provocation. The past war had an immense impact on everyone, but instead of wallowing in misery, Hermione refused to live in the past and went on. Remus followed her example. They fought in duels, practicing especially insidious tricks, brewed antidotes, and looked for forgotten spells in ancient treatises. They took Teddy to zoos and museums, had long deep conversations, and drank tea with milk and two sugars.
Remus was the first to console Hermione when the Marriage Law was passed but he did not offer to take her as his wife. He was already married in the past and had a child, so he did not fall under the article of the Law. Quite simply, Remus never considered Hermione more than a good friend and a godmother to his son.
This, however, didn't stop Severus from being jealous.
Remus drank his tea, stirred sugar, and thought that he wanted Severus to succeed, he and Hermione were a too perfect match to just let it go.
Lucius Malfoy slowly sipped his firewhiskey and watched the flame reflecting in the edges of the glass. A quiet evening in the company of an old friend was somewhat spoiled by the nervous beat that the aforementioned friend tapped out with a ballpoint pen on the table surface. With every passing second, Lucius was beginning to lose patience.
"Severus, my friend, could you please stop?
"I couldn't. If this annoys you, I dare not delay you any longer," Snape snapped, the nervous beat becoming more abrupt and disgusting.
Lucius sighed, poured himself another round, and looked closely at Snape. He had gone bad over the past year and a half. The loss of his wife affected him so deeply, depression pulled him further into its exhausting embrace. Even the students noticed that their professor, who had instilled terror in many generations before them, became unusually quiet and thoughtful. Not that Snape had ever been overly verbal, he had rarely raised his tone of voice before, preferring cold, insinuating fury to hysterical screams. Severus' current silence put Lucius on guard.
"Imagine, Lucius, I could see her again," Snape whispered, struggling to cope with his nervousness. Lucius set the glass down on the table, turned the heat in the fireplace, and stared at Severus.
"Mon ami, it is perfectly normal to be nervous. You are traveling back in time. Bad things happen to wizards who meddle with time. But she is your wife, what could worry you about that?"
Snape clutched the Time-Turner in his hands, which he had never parted with for some time, and admitted with a sigh: "I'll see her again. I still can't believe it."
Lucius nodded in understanding: Narcissa worried him too much lately, and he owed Severus her health and well-being. When the Malfoy mansion was under the close control of Voldemort, Narcissa was kept under the Imperius so that she would not dare to interfere in her husband's affairs and the Lord's plans. It was Severus who first noticed the oddities in her behavior and taught her how to use the Occlumency shields and fool Voldemort. However, no matter how skillfully Narcissa tried to prevent intrusion into her mind, long resistance to one of the three Unforgivables took its toll on her health.
"I owe you a lot, mon ami, and I can hardly ever repay," Lucius began, waving his hand at Snape's objection. "I would very much like advise you on something, to show my support, but in this current situation you would have to face your battle alone."
"It's better than nothing, Lucius."
"If I were you, I would have done the same. I would not have been able to mourn Narcissa and move on like our mutual familiar werewolf from Gryffindor."
"Which is strange, you know, wolves, after all, they choose a mate for life..."
"We are not wolves, Severus, we are much more terrible and much more loyal, therefore, I will support any of your decisions. No matter if you fail or win."
"You take care of yourself, Lucius, you are the only family I have left," Severus said softly and shook the outstretched hand.
In the evening Narcissa came to visit. They had a long and very strong friendship, stronger than with Lucius, Minerva, or anyone else, not that Severus could boast of many friends.
When he was a timid and silent third year, Narcissa was a brilliant Slytherin prefect, adored by the boys and the envy of her fellow girls. She did not divide the faculties into friends and foes, and the first years always followed her and listened to her stories.
Since childhood, Narcissa Black had been considered a faded copy of her overly bright sisters. Andromeda was given the title of Heiress of the Family, Bella was waiting for a lucrative marriage contract, and only little Cissy, as usual, cried in the corners when Sirius happened to throw out a particularly cruel joke.
The youngest, not distinguished by any particularly outstanding talents, "flower girl" on the canvas of dazzling constellations. Narcissa, unlike the patron of her name, had never been distinguished by pride and bombast. She was distinguished by the ability to notice details, unravel the tricks of Sirius, prevent possible tantrums of her sister, Bellatrix, and paint stunning landscapes. It was for such an exquisite occupation that poor half-blood Snape once noticed her.
The place under the willow has long become a quiet haven among the students of Hogwarts who yearned for peace and quiet, but only a select few knew how to impose Silencio and avert the eyes of overly curious fellow students. Therefore, at first, both Narcissa and Snape were busy each with their own landscape and their own thoughts.
Narcissa, dreamily, ran her paintbrush across the canvas, painting a blizzard in the Forbidden Forest, Severus doing the same with a piece of coal on gnawed parchment.
It began to snow suddenly, the wind tore the brush out of Narcissa's fingers, wet Severus's drawing, and drove the unfortunate children under the Willow.
"Just a second," Snape muttered, stroking his palm up the trunk. "Here! Come in quickly!'
Without further explanation, he pulled Narcissa inside the tree, and she realized with admiration that Willow was hiding many more secrets, much more charming than fighting branches.
"What is this place?"
"This is my refuge," Snape replied with the pride common to all boys of fifteen and pointed to the canvas, which Narcissa was still clutching to her chest. "May I have a look?"
"Only if you show me yours," Narcissa replied reaching her hand to Severus' parchment, Snape was embarrassed.
"It is terrible, and the parchment is old."
"It's not the technique that is important, it is the content that is important. By the way, I'm Narcissa, my friends call me Cissy. And since you saved me from the blizzard, I will take you by secret passages to our dungeons, my cousin showed me."
"I am Severus, may I call you Narssie?"
And now Snape was looking at Narcissa, standing in front of him, and the same Willow, and the lake, and the drawings spoiled by the blizzard, and the warmth that the "flower girl" gave him, appeared before his inner gaze.
Narcissa didn't waste time on some idle chatter, but stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Severus.
"Oh, my sweet darling! You will succeed, I promise you."
Just like in childhood, when he hid a broken nose from the brilliant prefect, or ran away from the Marauders, or slept under the door to the Gryffindor common room, Narcissa would find him over and over again and unceremoniously hugged him, shoved candy to his palm and called him "sweet darling." Overwhelmed with loneliness and eternal misery, Severus allowed her to call him so.
"Narssie, I'm so scared."
Only to her and, perhaps, Poppy Pomfrey, Severus could admit that he was scared. One more time he felt like a confused boy who painted landscapes on a scrap of old parchment.
Narcissa put her hands around his face and looked seriously into his eyes.
"I want you to know that you always have somewhere to return. Whatever the outcome, we'll be waiting for you."
"I would ask you to Obliviate me if I fail."
"But you can't. You would want to keep at least a memory of her to yourself. And you won't lose, you don't just don't know how to."
Severus lifted Crooks in his outstretched arms and looked into the yellow eyes, too understanding for a cat.
"I can't leave you here, can I, Furball? Therefore, you will come with me."
There was no time left to hesitate, so Snape counted out the required number of turns, swallowed the potion in one gulp, and closed his eyes.
Time to face the past.