~~Charlotte~~

I was caught off guard when Sidney stepped in to help me. But in that moment, I was still angry about what I discovered with the bonuses, that him trying to help me seemed like yet another person telling me I wasn't strong enough. But how could I deny his help when he practically said the opposite of what I thought everyone was thinking of me? Somehow, working with him made it much easier to be around him. The longer I worked alongside him, the more comfortable I became to the point I thought we could still be friends.

When the job was done, we both stood there glancing from the work we had just accomplished and each other. The rain had finally started to let up and the sun was coming out once again. Hopefully it would stop for a while and we could finish the buildings.

"A job well done," he said with a smile.

"Thank you for your kindness, Mr. Parker," I said hoping he would understand that I wasn't only thanking him for the help but for what he said also.

He smiled bashfully and looked to the ground. "No need to thank me. I enjoyed the work."

We were silent for a time as we looked around the building and checked if we had gotten everything.

"Mr. Parker, have you heard from your brother?" I asked breaking the silence.

"I assume you are referring to Tom, and the answer is no. I have been wondering about him as well. He hasn't responded to any of my letters."

I sighed and looked down. I was really hoping to have heard from him by now. I feared he must be dreadfully upset with me.

"Is there anything I may be able to help you with?" he asked kind of bashfully.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to decide what to say. "I was hoping to see the plans he had for Waterloo Terrace. I've stared at the model and the plans so many times, but I can't help but feel like I'm missing something. I just feel like it's not right. Mr. Robinson is doing his best, but he doesn't quite understand building projects like Tom and Mr. Stringer did. If he was still here, I wouldn't have to worry if I was messing something up."

"Perhaps Tom's plans are at Trafalgar House. I could walk you there," he offered. "I always have a spare key to their homes."

I was overjoyed with excitement. "Oh! Mr. Parker, that would be most helpful. Let me go tell Mr. Robinson where I'm going."

"Yes. Of course." He stepped aside and let me walk around him towards Mr. Robinson. After telling Mr. Robinson where I was going, I met Sidney on the street and walked with him to Trafalgar house. We didn't speak. We walked slowly, brushing against each other from time to time. It was awkward, much like our walk along the clifftops before he kissed me. I quickly had to put those thoughts out of my mind otherwise I was going to go mad. I couldn't think of him like that anymore. I had to remind myself he was married now. Deep down I knew he still cared for me, but he made the choice to help his brother and I had to respect him for that. All we could be now is friends.

"I've been worried about Tom's opinion of me. He must think I've betrayed him taking on the building of Sanditon. This was his project," I said trying to break the awkward silence between us.

"I'm sure he doesn't think badly of you," he reassured even if futile. "Why did you take on this task if you thought Tom would disapprove?" He looked over at me so intently and our eyes met that I felt intimidated by his stare.

"Lady Denham insisted," I answered. "She wants to continue investing in Sanditon because she believes in it just as much as Tom does. But she doesn't trust Tom and wanted me to take his place. I didn't want to at first. I begged her not to put me in this position. But then, I thought about all the people that depended on Sanditon being a success. If Lady Denham wasn't willing to work with Tom any longer, I had to do it for him; for your entire family."

"And that's why you sacrifice and work harder than any of those men; for my family?" he asked.

Our eyes met. He looked sad and distant in that moment. I hoped I hadn't offended him. "It's the only reason. I don't stand to gain anything from the success of Sanditon," I assured.

He looked away staring out in front of us then smiled and looked back at me. "Quite the pair we are. Always sacrificing and giving up what we want for the sake of Sanditon," he said. His meaning was not lost on me. We had both sacrificed greatly for the success of Sanditon.

We stopped in front of Trafalgar House and he opened the door with a key. "I'll wait here for you. I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea," he said. I nodded my head understanding his meaning and walked into the house.

Everything around the house was the same as when I left, just a little gloomier now. I felt like I was trespassing and felt very uneasy about being in Tom's office. I walked over to the model and looked down upon it like I had so many times before. I admired the architecture and the craftsmanship. I wanted nothing more than to make this town a success for everyone who lived here.

I turned away from the model and started filing through the papers stacked on Tom's desk. I hoped I'd find his plans, but perhaps he took them to London with him.

I lost track of time and was lost in my own thoughts, that I hadn't realized how long I was in the office. It was getting darker in the room from the sun setting and I had to really strain my eyes to see what I was looking for. I searched endlessly for the plans but came up empty handed. The only thing I could find was Tom's book of plans that he mentioned he borrowed from to create the look of Sanditon. This would have to do for now. Perhaps Tom had bookmarked pages or wrote notes in the book.

I walked back to the model and stared at it again. My hand reached out and gently touched the rooftops of the houses. I loved Sanditon the way Tom envisioned it, but some things needed to be changed to make it more cost effective. I just needed to figure out what.

I took one last look and headed for the door where Sidney still waited outside. "You didn't have to wait for me," I said. "I was in there a lot longer than I thought I would be. I would have locked up when I left."

"I didn't mind the wait." He smiled and ducked his head nervously. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Not exactly. Tom must have his plans with him. I was able to find a book on plans, though. Perhaps I can find some help by reading it."

"I'm sure you will," he said.

We began walking back towards the building site again with the awkward silence. "Might I walk you back to Sanditon House?" he asked. "I wouldn't want you walking alone in the dark."

I smiled and looked away thinking that if the situations were any different, I'd take him up on his offer instantly. But it wasn't possible any longer. "I have Lady Denham's carriage waiting for me."

"Yes. Of course, you do. Forgive me for assuming you'd be walking alone," he said looking ashamed.

"It's quite alright. I personally would prefer the walk. But Lady Denham insists I take the carriage from now on."

We stopped at the building site and turned towards each other. I could see the carriage waiting on the other side of the street. I knew I needed to leave and go to the carriage, but my feet wouldn't move from their cemented spot in front of Sidney. We glanced from one another, then to the building, then back at one another many times.

"I might come back in the morning to see if you need any more help," he offered.

"You don't have to. I'm sure we can manage," I said then thought better of it and realized I probably said the wrong thing. "Not that I'm refusing your help. You have every right to be here given your own investment into Sanditon. Who am I to deny you access to the buildings? I just mean if you have other important matters to deal with you don't have to trouble yourself here."

He smiled and shook his head like he was amused. "I will see you in the morning." He turned and walked away, leaving me feeling confounded. What was I doing? As much as I enjoyed his company, I knew what we were doing was wrong. I couldn't spend time with a married man.

I boarded the carriage and headed home with my head full of thoughts. There was a pull on my heart to be close to Sidney. The reckless side of me wanted to spend as much time with him as possible no matter the consequences or how wrong it might be. But the sensible side was telling me to close my heart off and stay clear from him to not damage my reputation.

Back at home I stayed up most of the night going over the plans book, but no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on the book, my thoughts always went back to Sidney. I couldn't help it.

After a restless night, I left even before the sun was up and walked down by the cove to try and read there before going to the building site. I sat on a large rock and got comfortable. The sun was just beginning to come up illuminating the world around me and making it much easier to see the pictures and read the fine print in the book. The rain had thankfully let up and there was just a slight breeze. I enjoyed the sting the cool air caused against my cheeks; it reminded me of the cold sea water.

"No sea bathing this morning?" Sidney's familiar voice said from behind me. I startled and almost fell off the rock when I heard his voice. I turned around and looked at the large grin on his face. That smile I hadn't seen in quite some time.

"There isn't a bathing machine running this time of year," I answered.

He chuckled and looked at the ground before looking up at me. "That never seemed to stop you before," he said. My face burned and my heart raced from what he was implying. Did he see me? My mouth hung open. I couldn't speak and all I could do was stare at him.

"Relax, I didn't see anything," he said. I knew he was lying. "Well much, anyway."

"I suppose we're even now," I said trying to make light of the situation.

He laughed again. "That's precisely what I thought. Although I do think you got more of an eyeful than I did." He laughed again and took a couple steps closer. I looked away and stared out at the ocean feeling embarrassed.

"Should I leave?" I asked nervously unwilling to look at him. "Were you planning to go for a swim?"

He chuckled again even closer to me now than he was before. "No. You don't have to leave. It's a little cold for sea bathing today, anyway. Do you wish me to leave?"

I turned my head to face him. "You don't have to leave," I said. He smiled bashfully and bowed his head before sitting down on a rock across from me.

I glanced over at him and watched as he stared out at the ocean. "I like to come here to think when I'm struggling with something," he said.

"What are you struggling with?" I asked.

He glanced back at me and smiled. "Money, I suppose."

"I'd think your money troubles would be over by now," I said thinking about how he probably had possession of Eliza's fortune. Perhaps he was struggling with how to spend it wisely instead of handing it all over to Tom.

"If it was only that easy."

"You are the sensible brother. I'm sure you'll figure it out," I offered.

He stared out towards the water looking lost in thought. "The sensible brother wouldn't have gotten himself involved."

He seemed upset by my comment. I turned away and bit my lip thinking how I said something offensive towards him.

"Find what you were looking for in that book?" he asked turning his attention back to me.

I glanced down at the book in my lap, almost forgetting about it entirely. "Oh… um... not yet," I said.

"You are the sensible sister. I'm sure you'll figure it out," he teased causing me to smile. He chuckled in return and our eyes connected for a moment.

"What do you think of my sister?" I asked curious of his thoughts.

He thought for a moment before answering. "She seems much like you; headstrong, opinionated, strong sense of what she wants." He paused for a moment before continuing. "But she's not quite as kind, while you are kind hearted to a fault it seems."

"I'm kind hearted to a fault?" I asked curious about his meaning.

He stared out at the water and his eyes narrowed. "Even when people are hurtful towards you, somehow you still seem to find the best parts of them." I understood his meaning. Even though he had hurt me in multiple ways during the time we'd known each other, I still couldn't think badly of him. I knew he was still a good person.

"I was just telling my sister she should be kinder to Mr. Crowe," I said. "I do believe Lady Denham is trying to set her up with him."

He chuckled. "I made that observation as well. I'm not sure it'll work in Lady Denham's favor. It's going to take a lot to break Crowe from his bachelor ways."

"It'll take a lot to change my sister's opinion of him also."

We were both quiet again staring out at the ocean and lost in thought.

"I'm slightly upset with Tom," I admitted after a few moments.

"Yesterday you were worried he was upset with you and now you're upset with him?" he questioned.

"I didn't want to say anything last night. I wasn't quite sure how you would respond."

"What are you upset with him about?" he asked turning towards me and looking confused.

"Mr. Fritz mentioned something about a bonus for the laborers. Mr. Robinson said Tom offered them a bonus in their pay if they indulged me by letting me tell them what to do. Did you know anything about it?" I asked, then went on with my uncontrollable thoughts spilling out. "I know I'm a woman and no man would want to listen to what a woman has to say about a subject she shouldn't know anything about, but I know a great deal more about this building project than all those men put together. Why on earth would they need to be paid a bonus just to listen to reason?"

He listened intently then turned away staring back out at the water. He sighed heavily before answering as if he was giving himself time to choose his words carefully. "Perhaps he's only trying to protect you. Perhaps he knows men are stubborn and don't ever listen to reason. If they need to be bribed in order to give you the opportunity to prove them wrong, it's what he's willing to do. I assure you; he meant no harm and definitely didn't intend for you to feel slighted by his actions. He has all the faith that you know what you are doing and are more intelligent than all those men. No man should ever doubt your abilities."

I wasn't quite sure what to say. Perhaps he was right and I was judging Tom poorly. If only I had received a letter from him to reassure me, he thought I was doing right by Sanditon. I looked away shyly and didn't say anything more, even though I wanted to.

"I imagine you must be looking forward to the ball Lady Denham is hosting tomorrow night," he said kind of withdrawn and changing the subject.

"Not exactly," I answered truthfully.

He gave me a confused look. "I thought you loved to dance?"

"I did. Not so much anymore."

"What changed your opinion?" he asked.

I didn't answer. Instead I stared out at the waves crashing against the beach. I couldn't tell him he was the reason I didn't enjoy dances anymore.

I got the sense we were both holding a lot of thoughts in. Neither of us said another word and sat quietly, me reading the plans book and Sidney lost in thought while staring out at the water. At least being near him was getting easier with time. I had wrapped up my heart so tightly that I imagined no one, not even Sidney himself, would ever be able to unravel it.

NOTES: I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm really struggling with the next chapter. I think I've started it then deleted it and started again at least 3 times. Hopefully I'll find some inspiration and be able to finish it soon. Could just be that the quarantine is getting the best of me.