My One in a Million
Chapter Nine:
He was sure that if he was reborn, it would be as a cactus, or a rock.
…Or a tomato.
He deserved it, after all. Uchiha Sasuke wasn't someone that should be reincarnated into something with legs, to spread destruction and desperation everywhere he went.
But if he was dead, why was he hungry?
Slowly, the haze of sleep thinned, like clouds parting away from the sun. His ears picked up soft humming of machines and his fingertips brushed against cloth, his stomach was upset but he only sighed. The beeping monitor quickened slightly, announcing that he had transitioned from the realm of dreams into the real world; the world of the living.
Damn…
He shifted slightly, his head instantly ached and his whole body protested the strain so he let himself drop back into the stiff pillows. He took his time sucking in a slow, deep breath, and then letting it escape through clenched teeth. He still couldn't see, but the dull pulse in his head and limbs told him that he had somehow managed to momentarily fight the deadly poison of two snakes.
How long did he have to live now?
A day? Two?
A couple of hours, by the feel of it…
The monotone beep of the monitor started to irritate him after a few minutes, so he struggled with his weakened body to peel the stickers off his chest to shut it up. The beeping turned into a loud, ear-splitting constant scream when his pulse disappeared, so he finally summoned all his power and leaned on his elbow in order to reach for the annoying device and turn it off, only to realize that his arm was stiff in a bent position by a hard sleeve of some sort.
One minute he was sitting up calmly, covered in thin sheets and wires, the next he was hanging over one side of the bed's metal rail with his leg wedged in the other, the only thing keeping him from slamming face-down to the floor was a shaky hand. The clutter of medical supplies falling might as well have been a tornado, it seems his small adventure had tugged on other wires and sent objects flying off their trays.
Damn…
He should have died sooner, really, this weak body can only fight for so long…
It felt like he was going to be stuck in that position forever, because his leg was in too much pain to bend but all the blood had started to pool in his head that he couldn't think straight. The end must be close, because the scent of the mysterious girl wafted into his nose without prompt; sweet and strange.
He didn't mind her presence; it didn't matter where he went, really, as long as he ended up somewhere specific.
Heaven or Hell or wherever it is people went to while they waited in line to be reborn; anywhere.
Anywhere but here.
Inside this blind, weak, dying body that nobody liked.
Through the loud ringing in his ears he heard someone approach, call his name and then the person held his arm to get him back in bed. The sudden bout of nausea distracted him from hearing anything but the sound of his own gagging, his stomach had been absolutely empty even when the rim of some container touched his chin. Once he settled back, spent, the person offered him water which he drank with startling greed. The lukewarm liquid first felt like broken glass going down his throat, then like heavenly rain by the end of the cup.
"You're alright. It will be okay, please take it easy."
"Hinata?" He croaked, voice thick and head swimming too fast.
"Yes, it's me! You… You remember me?" she sounded out of breath, had she been running?
"Yeah…" He'd seen her only a few hours ago, where he was supposed to die at her sister's bed on an overdose of poison. He wanted to ask why he was still alive… How he was still alive, but she was making lots of noise while tidying up the mess he'd caused. Her hands were cold on his forearm when she checked the condition of the intravenous wires pumping fluid into his body. "What happened after…?" He finally asked.
"What do you… Remember?" a shiver ran down his spine when she peeled strands of hair away from his damp forehead.
"I remember your sister in a hospital bed, and then I passed out."
Her touch disappeared. "Oh… W- Well… I- I'm not sure about the details… Um, would you like to eat something, first? Or maybe… Take a shower?"
Confusion. "What? Why are you… What happened to me?" Why is she dodging the question? Did her sister die? Or maybe she was sympathetic over him because he would die soon? "How long do I have left?" Hours? Less? He was alright with it, really, why was she sugarcoating it?
He listened to her draw a deep breath, and then slowly let it go before filling her lungs again to speak. "Ne, Sasuke san, I know this is g- going to startle you but… I'm sure you won't be g- going away soon, I hope."
He blinked, still not able to see the light. "Meaning?"
"Y- You're not going to die."
"I survived the poison?" He reached blindly for her, still not sure that this is reality; her cold hand confirmed that, yes, he was alive and well.
Or at least, mostly well; his eyes weren't working yet, his whole body ached and he was absolutely famished.
Also, his scalp itched.
"Yes." She squeezed his hand lightly and placed her other hand on top of his. "Sasuke san, I'm sorry but… I- I need to tell you this. A- Actually… What you remember, the d- day with Hanabi… It was a while ago."
If she wasn't holding his hand, and if he wasn't so convincingly hungry and in pain, he would have chucked this conversation away as another dream. "How long?"
"A- About four…"
"Four… Days…" No wonder he was so hungry!
"Four… Months." Hinata corrected.
She let his hand slide away from between hers without a word. "This isn't a joke, is it?" she didn't answer, after all, they weren't close enough of friends for her to make lousy jokes like this; he couldn't sense anyone else in the room to assume it was a light-hearted prank, either.
He should be shocked, surprised, overwhelmed, maybe; but he didn't feel any of it.
Sasuke felt as he always did in these situations; unbothered, rational, as if it was someone else's problem and he was just a bystander who could walk away at any moment if he wanted.
"And your sister?" The first thing that he wanted to know was that if he should worry about assassins.
"She's alive…" She didn't elaborate, so he had to ask.
"But?"
Hinata was quiet for a moment before she pulled a chair and sat down. "Ne, you're tired, right? D- Do you want to eat something? O- Or maybe… Rest?"
Rest? But he was doing absolutely nothing, laying flat against too many pillows after a four-months-long sleep. What's there to rest from? "Tell me." He was a little fatigued, but that must be a side effect of having every bone in his body broken and then shoved back in place with vigorous medical techniques.
"Well… If you insist. Hanabi is… Physically okay… But just like you, she isn't waking up… W- We tried everything but she's still…"
How strange, his jutsu should have worked instantly. Did he make a mistake? No, He did not make mistakes, furthermore, Orochimaru wouldn't allow any of his techniques to be unfinished or faulty, he was too much of a perfectionist. So if it wasn't the sannin's fault, and it wasn't his doing, then there must be something wrong with the girl. Maybe she would wake up soon, too? "And why are you here?" Why did she smell like a pastry shop?
"Eh? I… I thought if…" Her voice trailed off into silence for a few seconds and then she jumped. "I should c- call the doctors! They thought y- you would never make it! They would want to take a look at you!"
He listened to her rush out of the room and slide the door shut behind her, unable to get a word in or stop her. The darkness and silence exaggerated the smell of pastry, and he sighed in realization that somewhere in this room was some kind of edible item he couldn't reach but desperately needed to have.
He didn't care if it was hers, he didn't care that it smelled saturated in fats and sugars and sweets made him gag, he was too. Damn. Hungry.
The bag was surprisingly close to where his hand landed not ten minutes ago on the floor, she must have dropped it in her rush to save him from his dilemma. His head swam when he sat up again after grabbing it, and had to wait a moment before reaching into the plastic bag and extracting a fat package. It fit in his palm and was round-shaped and supple, the plastic wrapping was in the way so he ripped it off and took a big bite.
Sugar, cinnamon and even more sugar invaded all his senses, his eyes even watered a little. The painful clench in his jaw eased soon enough and he chewed, the taste intensifying the longer the bite remained in his mouth.
He regretted it the moment he swallowed, his stomach decided it didn't like it much and that it would rather reject the offer in hopes of something better. The container saved the day by being within arm's reach, and soon the bag of pastries resumed it's place on the ground next to the bed.
Another glass of water away, he was still hungry.
He wanted to die.
There was no reason to live anymore, really. He didn't want to go through the trouble of recovering from this state just to go back to a boring, dreary existence. Being a shinobi was his way of life only because he had a goal, an ambition, to avenge his parents and punish those who have been the cause.
That was accomplished the moment Madara died.
He had lived a while after killing the man, thought that things were going to get better because he would finally find peace. But no, he didn't. He still ate tasteless food and had meaningless conversations and fought aimless battles.
There was no peace for people like him.
Even worse, every night he saw nightmares, every pair of eyes he looked into were filled with hate and disgust, people only knew him for the number of people he'd killed and not what he'd accomplished. There was no point in exhausting himself, racing here and there, to convince himself that he was the better man, not when he had already passed the finish line.
He just wanted it to be over. It didn't even matter if he would be reborn again, he just wanted to stop being Uchiha Sasuke.
Another wave of nausea hit but he fought it tooth and nail, more than the painful clench in his stomach, there was a sharp stab of pain in his chest with every contraction, as if something was trying to rip his chest open and escape. His shaking hand rested on the breastbone, too heavy for him to attempt opening the flap of his hospital gown, but he could feel it; an unfamiliar series of bumps -crude stitching only Sakura or Tsunade could screw up- that had long since healed on the outside, but the part that scraped against his insides was still tender and sensitive.
His left arm was in a stiff cast, his lower back ached like he had slipped on ice and fell, and his legs sent him the sensation that an army of ants was passing over. His head pounded at the realization that now that he was awake, they will not let him slip away into unconsciousness again.
He wanted to die.
He wanted it to be over with.
But he wasn't about to seriously consider killing himself.
There was still one person in this life waiting for him, and he would remain a miserable, broken existence for as long as his promise with that person needed.
Naruto was going to pay for all his dinners, from now on and for all eternity.
The door slid open again, and with it came a tidal wave of voices and words and smells and people touching him without asking for permission. This one grabbed his wrist for pulse, another touched his face to look into his eyes, one even took the liberty of undoing the knot on the side of his gown to take a look at his torso. Through the drowning sounds, he could hear one he was familiar with.
"Sakura, make them go away."
"Sasuke kun… Welcome back." The girl's voice became clearer as the voices quieted and she approached. She sounded somewhat robotic, as if she couldn't believe her eyes. "You've been asleep for so long, I'm sure you must be disoriented. We thought you weren't going to make it so excuse us if we're a little overwhelmed."
He pushed the hands away and rested back on the pillows, already out of breath. "What's up your ass?"
The girl instantly switched to fussy doctor mode. "Look, Sasuke kun, you nearly died, okay? I'm happy that you're alright but we need to look at you and make sure nothing wrong is going to happen again!"
"No one touches me." He snapped, having enough of her 'we' tone of speech. "All of you. if anyone as much as look my way, it'll be eternal flames till Monday." At the awkward stretch of silence, he motioned with his chin. "What are you waiting for? Leave."
Through the shuffling of papers and sandals, Sakura stood her ground. "You can't scare away the doctors, Sasuke kun, you need them."
"I don't need anybody. Go away."
Sakura sighed, frustrated. "Is it because we argued?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You know… The last time we spoke… You said…" She leaned in to keep the conversation between them. "You said some hurtful things… I don't blame you, we were both angry…"
He hoped his face didn't pull up a vacant expression to mirror his thoughts. "Oh." Did he even talk with Sakura at all this past year?
"Oh? That's it? I thought… I thought we were friends, Sasuke kun, don't you think I deserve better than an 'oh' after all this time?"
His brows furrowed. "To you it's a long time, to me it's only yesterday that I was bitten by a giant snake, cut me some slack and leave me alone."
"You're right." The girl stepped away, chuckling nervously. "I'm sorry, you must be tired, we'll talk later, okay?"
"No, I don't want to see you again, none of you." Wait… Wait wait wait… He needed an ally in this, someone to tell him about the current situation in the village and run his errands until his vision came back. "All of you except Hinata."
Everyone was in a collective breath-hold until Sakura broke the silence with a bitter, "Of course…"
His mind was racing, there was something strange going on. Sakura had the impression that they had a fight before he went under, and then there were these strange memories he couldn't quite fit into any timeline in his life; like a puzzle that had several gaps, but the pieces in his hands didn't fit in any of them.
The Hyuuga girl was familiar, his body remembered her vividly, her scent and touch and her voice. He didn't remember ever touching her, but he was positive he could recall what it felt like to have her in his arms. Naruto was gone, too, he was sure he heard the boy say his goodbyes before shutting the door to this very room; had he been awake or asleep? Did Naruto really leave or was it all a dream?
The thrum of air conditioning in the allway was silenced when the door finally slid shut, he wasn't aware of it but his tense shoulders relaxed against the pillows. He wasn't hot or cold or angry or relieved…
Was he still asleep? Was this a dream?
A nightmare?
Will he wake up and find himself in perfect condition, drenched in cold sweat no doubt, but healthy and agile?
"S- Sasuke san…"
He sighed, defeated. "You're still here." He wanted her to leave and never come back, her voice was too small to his liking, she was too apologetic and too uncertain that it rubbed against his nerves like a ginger grater. She was the only one who knew when to shut up, though, and in his book it was a plus that the first thing she thought to inform him of was that he was going to be alright.
Someone as naive as that is bound to be useful somehow.
"Y- Yes… D- Do you need anything?"
Oh yeah, lots of things. "First of all, Get me some breakfast." He had prepared a comeback for when she would say 'oh is that so? Well I have news for you, buddy, I'm the Hyuuga princess, I'm not your maid!' but it never came.
"Okay, I'll be right back."
And she was quick about it, too. Turns out it wasn't time for breakfast at all, people had already had lunch, she must have been on good terms with the lunch ladies to get him some of the untouched trays. The rice was a little cold, but he didn't mind -or care. As long as his stomach wasn't throwing a tantrum, he wasn't going to argue. He had to have several drinks of water between one bite and the other to dull the pain, as though every bite that went down insisted on reminding him that he had a chest injury.
The miso soup was lukewarm when he took an experimental sip, so he put it aside with no intention of trying it again. The rest of the meal consisted of a fish, squares of vegetables and a small package of rice pudding.
He only really ate some rice and a piece of pumpkin, having given up on eating halfway because he was so tired and lightheaded.
"What's wrong?" She'd asked when he put down the bowl and spoon with some force, and fell back into the pillows.
"I'm done." He realized that he wasn't really hungry, not with a drip constantly nourishing him through the blood. It was probably the heartburn that woke him up, and that was more than reason enough to hate the world all over again.
"Should I put it away?" She asked but wasn't surprised when he didn't bother answering. "Sasuke san…"
He released a breath, not really in the mood to be told to eat more to heal. "I don't want to hear it."
"Eh? Wh- Why not?"
"You'll lecture me about eating more and getting better and all that junk, I don't want to hear it."
"N- No…"
Hm? "Then what is it?"
It took her a moment to gather her courage again. "I- I'm glad you're back."
He wanted to feel warm inside, to know that someone out there was really glad for his safe return out of the goodness of their hearts. He also thought it was the perfect situation to play on her emotions and convince her that he was touched so that she would go along with his plans to use her. Even with his mind deciding what to do, the only thing his mouth did was question her intentions. "Why should you be?"
That surprised her. "Eh? W- Well… I just… am?"
What was he to her? Nothing. His jumbled memories didn't prove anything, his missing memories were even more important now than ever because what if she was actually his enemy but he couldn't remember? "Because I tried to save your sister, isn't it?"
"Thank you for that."
Where was she hiding the real words? "And you waited for me to wake up to tell me that?"
The scrape of the portable table's legs on the floor was loud against the quiet hum of machines. "A- Are you angry?"
"I'm not angry." He wasn't feeling anything, all his reactions so far felt like he had been on auto pilot. Maybe tomorrow when he slept and ate and rested, he will be human again. Or at least, as human as he had been at one point. "I just don't see how you just happened to be there in someone's room when they spent four months of sleep. You heard Sakura, they thought I was a lost cause. So why did you stick around?" He listened to her quiet breathing to distract himself from the darkness, he almost gave up on receiving an answer when it took too long.
She spoke, quietly and uncertainly. "B- Because… I wanted to know." Her breath was shaky, as if she had been waiting to say this and was overwhelmed by some emotion. "I waited for you to wake up, everyday, because I wanted to know why you gave it to me."
The puzzle teased him, the piece was in his hand, and the gap was right before his eyes, but it just didn't fit. "Elaborate."
Rustling of clothes, she was shifting uncomfortably in her seat, no doubt. "The ring… Th- the engagement ring you gave me that day. I- I wanted to know… Why?"
He tried hard not to show how tough it had been to swallow. Engagement? Ring? Hyuuga Hinata? In his book, she wasn't even a woman; why would he- even by some crazy twist of fate- ask to marry her? She was awkward, lacking confidence and always underdressed. Her family wasn't on his list of tolerable people and her group of close friends consisted of nothing but boys. The Uchiha Sasuke he knew would never ever ask Hyuuga Hinata to marry him, which was the main reason why he refrained from saying anything.
What if he had lost a great portion of memory? What if this woman was telling the truth and his former self had seen something in her worth keeping?
What if she was fooling him for some ulterior motive, and he was walking right into her trap?
He needed her, at least until he could get up and grab a pair of chopsticks without assistance, and until then he wasn't going to let go of a situation so convenient.
"I'm sorry, I'm- I'm asking too much and you're tired…"
If it comes down to it, he could just blame the lost memory, right? "To tell you the truth, I am a little confused." That's it, just use the proper words and it will resolve itself to your liking. "I think my head isn't all up and running right now."
"You did hit it hard…" She sounded like she was smiling, that's a good sign, it meant she believed him.
"I'll answer your question when I remember, alright?"
She sighed and got up to pull the covers over to his chest. "I'm sorry, please don't feel pressured about it."
He nearly smirked at how easy it had been to convince her. His free hand found hers, the pad of his thumb brushed against her knuckles but didn't find any accessory. "You're not wearing it?"
"N- No… I didn't know why you gave it to me so…" She pushed away and her hand disappeared. "Can we talk about it tomorrow? I really h- have to go now."
What's there to talk about? She had more to say? "Go where?"
"Um… Work. I- I'm an instructor in the academy, so…"
"Sure…" He listened to her pick up whatever belongings she had and shuffle to the door. He didn't answer her timid goodbye and pretended to sleep, trying to sort out his thoughts amidst the pain and fatigue.
He accidentally ended up falling asleep right away, never sorting anything out.
For the duration of the day -or days, he wasn't really sure- He just slept, woke up to find food on the portable table to take a few bites, and then fell asleep again. He didn't know how many times he had repeated this cycle until it finally broke when he shot up in bed with a cry dying on his lips, still engulfed in darkness and drenched in sweat. His hand patted randomly against his chest and bed before falling back into the pillows when he was certain that there was nobody else in the room but him.
In the back of his mind, a piece of the puzzle clicked in place; the image of him wearing a snow-dusted scarf, facing a girl with dark hair in a kimono under the orange streetlight. He handed her a ring. The details were crisp and real, he could practically feel the cold band squeezed in his palm before he took it out of his pocket to present to her, her eyes widened and after a few words, tears pooled like crystal between her long lashes and she nodded.
He didn't even know how to label it, a dream? A memory? It still made him gasp, hold his chest and fight the strong craving for that one thing he couldn't identify, but tasted enough of to remember. He didn't know what people called it, or why it would wake him up in the middle of the night; but for that one instant, it fluttered in his palms like a startled firefly. In all his life feeling like a bystander to his own story, this was the only time in which he actually felt something, and it taunted him…
What was he feeling, exactly?
And exactly how big of a chunk was he missing of his mind, anyway?
Sasuke hung his head and tried to convince himself that the liquid pooling in his palm was perspiration, and that the pain in his chest was only the aftermath of a giant snake taking a bite out of his breastbone.