WARNING: This chapter does have a graphic sex scene that may not be suitable for everyone or may be a trigger to some. Please read with caution.
If you DO NOT wish to read this part of the chapter, please don't read Alison's POV at the end.
NOTES:
Disclaimer: I am not the greatest at writing sex scenes. It's not my comfort zone, but I still feel like it's a necessary part of the story at times. It could be perfectly fine but it could also totally suck. I'm open to feedback if anyone is willing to share. I'll share a little at the end of this chapter to explain more of their thoughts.
Also, I have gone over the Heywood children in the show over and over again and have ultimately come up with some names and ages for all of them based on the actors who played them. Not all of them are mentioned in this chapter but may be in future chapters.
Charlotte 22
Alison 20
George 18
Simon 16-17
Anna 13
Emma 12
Harrison 10
Ellen 9
Eli 8
Alan 7
Gwen 5
Rachel 4
Personal Note: Last week was extremely busy with one "graduation" or "promotion" ceremony after another. I had every intention of having this chapter as well as the next done at the same time, since I know everyone is anxiously waiting for Sidney and Charlotte's wedding. But it's turning out to be quite a long chapter and taking a little longer than I thought. I will do my best to have it up in a day or two. Since I know everyone is eager for another chapter, I went ahead and posted this one now.
~Sidney~
Lady Denham was laid to rest in a grand ceremony of life. Even in death, she had the last word. She left a letter to be read at the funeral speaking of her life, her time in Sanditon and how she cared deeply for the future of Sanditon and its development. After her burial, there was a splendid feast set up for the entire town at her request with the expectation the town would continue to celebrate her on that day for years to come. She wished everyone to know how much she had done for Sanditon and how her legacy would continue to support and supply the town. Lady Denham knew what she was doing leaving the future of Sanditon in Charlotte's hands. She knew there was no one greater than Charlotte to continue not only the development of Sanditon but also to continue her legacy. It wasn't easy for me to take a step back and let Charlotte be in control, but I knew it's what Lady Denham wanted and as her letter stated, I was to take care of Charlotte. For me, I interpreted that as I was to stand up for her when men wouldn't listen, protect her from people trying to take advantage, guide her with tough decision, and above all else to simply love her. I found the latter, the easiest to come by.
I found every excuse possible to visit Sanditon House. Most of the time I would arrive with Mary or even Diana in tow. Charlotte seemed entirely overwhelmed with being responsible for Sanditon. She had changed from the confident and strong woman she was at the building site. Now she seemed as if she didn't know what to do or how to even run a household.
We had discovered that Lady Denham had almost entirely depleted her fortune on Sanditon. She had essentially bankrupt herself. All she had left was her house, a few thousand pounds and what I had given her as partial payment for the debt Tom owed. Knowing this fact, I respected and thanked her more than ever for accepting what I had offered. She could have easily thrown my entire family in debtor's prison, but she didn't. I can only imagine she did it for Charlotte. I realized even more why she desperately wanted to push Charlotte into the arms of another man with a fortune of his own to fund Sanditon. Someone who was equally interested in developing the town. But Lady Denham was no fool. She knew Charlotte would choose me regardless, which I want to believe is why she insisted I not marry her until the debt was paid in full. At least at that point, the money she had invested would have been replenished and Sanditon could still prosper. She knew I would find every way possible to pay the debt if it meant I couldn't have Charlotte until I did. I don't think she expected to die as soon as she did. I believe she thought she'd have another year or two and I would have the time to find the money.
Regardless, continuing with the development of Sanditon would be a tricky task, one Charlotte and I would have to consider carefully going forward. I did not want to end up in a situation like Tom did. Charlotte had come up with a few ideas on how to manage the town going forward and I expected her ideas would be successful, but I worried she may try to be too ambitious.
Thankfully, she had a few days away from business to spend with her family preparing for Alison and Crowe's wedding. Alison and Charlotte travelled back to Willingden to finalize all preparations before many others made the trip from Sanditon on the day of the wedding. I didn't like being separated from Charlotte for any reason, but thankfully it was only a few days.
Crowe and I arrived the night before the wedding so he could settle in and get a good night's rest while everyone else got up early and made the long trip the morning of. Mr. Heywood had set up one of his empty houses along his property for Crowe and I. It would serve as a place for Alison and Crowe to stay for the night while the rest of us made the long trip back to Sanditon in the late afternoon.
Once Charlotte and I had decided, without any doubt, we could finally marry, we sent word to her family to begin having the banns read. Two weeks after Alison and Crowe's wedding, Charlotte and I would be free to wed. We had no intentions of waiting and had settled on a date in early December, shortly after the last banns would be read.
Crowe and I were awake early the next day as even more guests like the Babingtons and my own siblings all arrived for the day's festivities. I was more anxious to see Charlotte. It had only been a few days, but it felt like a lifetime. She had left Heraclitus behind with me knowing she'd be far too busy with preparations to care for him, but I brought him with me now. He had grown almost twice the size in the few short weeks since she got him. He was quite the character, always licking everyone who pet him, wagging his tail everywhere he went, barking only when he wanted attention. His favorite game was to fetch a stick and it always had to be a stick twice his size. He never seemed to realize he was small. He turned out to be a great dog and Charlotte loved him.
Crowe was a mess the morning of his wedding. One moment he'd be excited and ready, the next minute he would break out in cold sweats and start to feel like he was going to retch. Babington spent a lot of time reassuring him. He desperately wanted a drink to calm his nerves, but out of respect for Alison he never took one… well, no more than a sip just to ease the nerves. I left him in good hands as I walked with Heraclitus across the field towards the Heywood home. I sought out Charlotte to see how Alison was, but more than anything just to see her. Instead, I found her father.
"Mr. Parker, pleasure to see you again," he said.
"Good day, sir. I was just looking for Charlotte." Heraclitus was on a lead at my side and Mr. Heywood glanced towards the dog. I thought I could use him as an excuse for seeing Charlotte. She would want to see her dog after all.
"This must be Heraclitus we've heard so much about," he said, leaning down to pat the dog on the head. "Charlotte has told us so much about her new friend."
"I'm sure she's been missing him. Is she around?" I asked.
"She's busy with Alison and her mother. Why don't you and I take a walk," he suggested. A twinge of nervousness hit my stomach, but I obliged and followed him out into the cold, crisp morning air.
"Charlotte has informed us you both plan to wed in Sanditon rather than here in Willingden," he commented.
"It was more Charlotte's idea. She considers Sanditon her home now. It's our home."
"Yes, she said the same thing. She inherited Lady Denham's home after her death. The news came as quite the shock when she informed us."
"As it did everyone else," I added. "She wasn't expecting it, nor does she know how to manage everything being thrust upon her."
"Precisely what I wanted to talk to you about. Once you marry, everything will then be yours."
"No," I interrupted. "Charlotte and I already have an understanding. What Lady Denham left her will remain in her name. We will work together to make decisions on how best to use the money for future development in Sanditon as well as our own future. But she will ultimately have all control."
"Why would any gentleman do such a thing?" he wondered. "Are you expecting her to fail so you will ultimately have to step in?"
I stopped walking and stared at him astonished at what he was suggesting. "Not in the least. I know Charlotte will succeed. She's too stubborn not to." I laughed, knowing full well it was true.
"How exactly do you plan to contribute to the marriage?" he wondered.
"Charlotte did give me back my business in London I had traded to Lady Denham for the debt. Profits are fruitful from my success in the importing and exporting business. Charlotte is eager to learn more about it. Come spring, we will take a trip to London so she can see firsthand what I do. I don't necessarily do a lot. I have men who oversee things in my absence."
We stood in the yard facing each other without talking. I knew there was much he wanted to say, but he remained silent for a few minutes just looking out at the leaves falling from the trees around us. "Mr. Parker, I gave you permission to marry my daughter thinking you were an honorable man. I never imagined you would be this noble to let your future wife have the power in the marriage."
I chuckled. "I'm fairly certain you know Charlotte just as well as I do. Would she even marry a man who didn't at least entertain her opinions?"
He chuckled as well, surely agreeing with my observation. "I suppose that's my point for bringing it up. I have worried about her future being such a strong woman. It's going to take a special man to tame her."
My lip rose at one side for a half smile while my eyes scrunched. "I don't have any plans to tame her. My plan is to cultivate her passion to make her stronger. She is capable of so much already. I only see her becoming even more than she already is with my help."
He smiled and his eyes sparkled with pride. He stepped forward and extended his hand towards me. I glanced down at his hand for just a moment before shaking it. "You are a far better man than most. But for her mother and I, you are a dream come true for our Charlotte. I'm happy to make you part of our family."
"Thank you, sir," I said, still a little stunned and unsure what else to say to him.
"I suppose we will need to make the trip to Sanditon after all," he mused.
I chuckled again, stepping in place with him while we continued our walk around the yard. "Charlotte has the staff at the house already preparing rooms for all of you. She's excited to show you and her siblings everything she's done in Sanditon."
"I suppose I'll have to break my rule of never travelling more than five miles from home this one time."
"Perhaps you'll come to love Sanditon as much as everyone else and wish to make it your permanent residence," I suggested.
"Oh, I doubt it," he laughed. "It's a little too busy for my taste. I enjoy the quiet country life."
"Heraclitus!" Charlotte shouted as she stepped out of the house. She was already dressed in a beautiful cream-colored dress with her hair pulled back under a flowered hat. She leaned down and began petting Heraclitus and letting him lick her face all over. He was just as excited to see her as she was him.
"I suppose we know which man our Charlotte cares about more," Mr. Heywood teased.
I smiled at his comment but was far too focused on seeing Charlotte to care what he said. What I wouldn't give for a moment alone with her to pull her close and kiss her. Perhaps later in the day we could sneak off to the bridge she was fond of. Charlotte glanced up at me for a moment and I knew she was wishing for the same thing.
"Papa, Alison wishes to see you for a moment," Charlotte said. He bowed towards both of us before ducking into the house to find Alison.
"How is Mr. Crowe this morning?" she asked, still standing a respectable distance away.
"He's quite beside himself," I laughed. "I've never seen him so anxious."
"You don't think he's having second thoughts, do you?" she worried.
I smiled at her and took a step closer. "No. I think it's normal for any man to be nervous on his wedding day."
"Will you be nervous?" she wondered.
"I'd like to say no, but I doubt I'll be able to say it's true on the day of."
"What would you be nervous about?" she wondered, with a worried expression.
I took a step closer to her, feeling as if we were never close enough. "I suppose hurting you, letting you down, making a fool of myself in front of you."
She smiled and took a step towards me herself. "I doubt any of those things will ever happen. And if they do, we will work through them."
I reached out and took her hands in mine and rubbed my thumb across her knuckles. "Of course, we will."
"I suppose I shouldn't be too worried about Mr. Crowe being nervous. Alison is just as nervous."
"Oh? And what is Alison nervous about? She isn't having second thoughts, is she?" I teased.
Charlotte laughed and looked away for a moment as if she was embarrassed. "I think my sister is more fearful about tonight; being alone and the expectations that come with a marriage."
"I see," I chuckled taking another step towards her feeling aroused by her topic of discussion. "And when we are married, will you have those same fears?"
"I must admit, I'm quite thrilled about our first night together, but I doubt I'll be able to say it's true on the day of," she said with a red face.
I smiled thinking about what our first night will be like. "You truly don't have anything to be worried about," I assured. "I will take good care of you. As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward to spending some alone time with you."
"Are you?" she asked with a deep breath, her eyes burned with desire. I wanted so badly to kiss her.
"Yes," I breathed.
There was a carriage pulling up in front of the house carrying Charlotte's brother George and his new bride. Suddenly feeling like we were no longer alone, I reluctantly took a step back and dropped her hands from mine with a heavy sigh.
"What were you and my father talking about?" she wondered, trying to change the subject and look proper in front of family until both her brother and his bride were inside the house.
"You." I smirked when our eyes met again.
"I don't like the sound of that."
"I like your father. He understands you. We are on the same page about who you are and how best to love you," I said, taking another step closer now that we were once again alone.
"Do you now?" she said with a grin on her face. I hummed in response as I leaned in closer and stole a sweet and simple kiss. I rested my forehead against hers, savoring every moment of being close to her again.
"I've missed you," I whispered, feeling whole once again at her touch.
"I've missed you too. We will be alone in just a few more days," she said.
I let out a low growl of longing. "I'm looking forward to it."
We heard people coming out of the house and quickly pulled away. I handed her the lead wrapped around Heraclitus and took a step back. Alison was escorted to the awaiting carriage while her many siblings and parents watched with pride. They called for Charlotte to join them. We walked over and joined her family as the carriage pulled out of the yard and her family followed behind on foot towards the church. I stayed close to Charlotte but made sure I didn't get too close so as not to be improper in front of her parents. Charlotte's siblings were infatuated with Heraclitus and wanted to spend more time playing with him than staying with their parents. Many times, Mrs. Heywood had to call for them to keep up and stop dawdling.
When we arrived at the church, I excused myself from Charlotte's side and went in to find Crowe. He was as white as a sheet as he stood towards the front of the church. I wondered if I would be the same. Babington was slightly nervous on his wedding day, but not nearly as nervous as Crowe appeared.
I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder rather roughly. "Are you ready, old friend?" I asked.
"I suppose so," he agreed, yet not sounding convinced.
"Alison's outside with her family."
"Is she?" he asked, his breath coming out in fast-paced pants.
"What are you so afraid of?" I asked.
"I'm going to disappoint her," he said quickly.
"Disappoint her how?"
"I'll be like my father. She will grow to hate me. I won't be good enough for her."
"If you were so worried about these things, why did you ask her to marry you?"
He stopped breathing rapidly and stared at me in disbelief. "I asked her to marry me because I love her. I can't imagine a day without her in it."
"Precisely," I said, clapping him on the back with a grin. "Stop worrying about the unknown and just focus on why you're here. For her."
He took a deep breath and nodded his head. Moments later, Charlotte and her family walked in and sat down in the front. I sat across from Charlotte and stole glances in her direction, giving her a smile when our eyes connected. I knew she was thinking about our own wedding as I was.
When Alison walked into the church in a lavender dress, decorated with flowers down the front and lace along the sides, I watched as Crowe's demeanor changed significantly. He was finally calm and looked overwhelmed with happiness. I imagined I would be the same way when Charlotte and I saw each other on our wedding day.
Crowe took Alison's hand from her father and walked her towards the front where the vicar waited. Once again, Charlotte and I took our spots as best man and bridesmaid, standing behind them and serving as witnesses. As we stood next to each other, while the book of common prayer was being recited and repeated by both Alison and Crowe, I stole glances towards Charlotte. I couldn't help but imagine our own wedding day. Knowing it was only a couple weeks away excited me. Alison and Crowe recited their vows and a ring was placed on Alison's finger. During the prayer, I reached out and squeezed Charlotte's hand for only a moment, knowing everyone's heads would be bowed and we would go undetected. Charlotte glanced towards me with a smile and squeezed my hand in return before we dropped our connection and returned to our posts.
Once the formalities were done, everyone in the church filed out into the yard to wait while Alison and Crowe signed their names in the registry.
Mr. Matthew Francis Crowe and Mrs. Alison Elaine Crowe came out of the church, hand in hand to a crowd shouting and congratulating them. They both looked overwhelmingly happy. Crowe walked Alison down the stairs as people threw rice at them. We followed them back to the Heywood residence where a table of food was set up. While everyone began to eat and drink merrily, Charlotte and I kept our eyes on Alison and Crowe who had snuck away to a private corner of the yard. Crowe pulled Alison close, crushing her to him and kissed her fervently. They looked at each other as if no one else was even around. They were in a world of their own.
"Do you think that will be us when it's our turn?" Charlotte wondered.
I grinned and thought about where I wanted to take her for our honeymoon. "I trust it will."
~Charlotte~
Weeks went by after Lady Denham's death. Her funeral was beautiful and heartfelt as nearly the entire town shut down to come pay their respects for the great lady of the town. Alison and I settled into Sanditon House, even though it was strange being there without Lady Denham. I still struggled daily with the tasks I was left. I enjoyed working at the building site, but now it seemed I was in charge of everything and everyone wanted answers or money. It was overwhelming to say the least. One of my biggest challenges was merely managing the house staff. They had always been there before, but now I was expected to give them instruction, menus for the week's meals, tasks I wanted done. With Lady Denham, she had them manage the house the way she liked, now they expected me to know how I wanted the house managed. I hadn't the slightest idea what I wanted or how I would want it. Thankfully, I had Sidney come help with paperwork and orders nearly every day. He claimed it was merely to help me, but I think he secretly came just to be with me; at least I liked to believe so. He helped tremendously and I realized how well we work together when we need to. There was no doubt in my mind we would find a way together to continue the development of Sanditon.
The greatest reward out of all of this, besides being able to finally marry Sidney, was when Sidney and I went and collected Georgiana. She no longer had to live in Mrs. Griffiths boarding house, she was going to live with family. She moved into Sanditon House to live with me and Alison. Mr. Crowe had put his father's home up for sale and was hoping to sell soon so he and Alison could begin building their own home. For now, they would live at Sanditon House once married. Or if they felt the need for privacy, as Lord and Lady Babington finally returned to London, they offered the use of their home. Although, come spring it wouldn't be very private as renovations would begin.
Georgiana and I returned to Willingden with Alison a week before her wedding to help prepare. Even though she didn't want me doing anything extravagant, I couldn't help myself. I had a special dress made in her favorite color, donned with her favorite flowers embroidered down the front. A piece of the lace that was to be incorporated in my own dress, was also incorporated along the skirt of her dress. She was amazingly beautiful in the dress and she loved it, which was most important.
During the ceremony, Sidney and I stood next to each other serving as best man and bridesmaid like we had done once before at the Babington wedding. This time was different though. At the Babington wedding we stood next to each other, knowing we couldn't face each other, knowing we couldn't touch, knowing we would never have what we both longed to have. This time, our minds were filled with thoughts of a future together. In two short weeks, Sidney and I would be married. The thought thrilled me to my core. I spent every moment of my sister's wedding thinking of my own.
When we returned to my childhood home after the ceremony, Sidney and I stood next to each other watching Alison and Mr. Crowe intently when they thought everyone was busily eating and visiting. Both of them looked so happy and excited. I had no doubt Sidney and I would be the same if not more.
I loved the little moments Sidney and I found to connect and feel close to each other, but I looked forward to the day when I could kiss him, hold his hand, merely touch him without the fear of being caught.
As the day went on, I spent most of my time helping my mother replenish food at the table and entertain guests. In the late afternoon, Georgiana, Mary, and myself walked up to the house Mr. Crowe and Sidney had stayed the night before and cleaned it up, left a basket a food and drinks, made the bed, prepared Alison's nightgown, and left a few other special items for their first night as a married couple.
When we walked back towards the house, I stopped, noticing Sidney up on the hill with many of my younger siblings and Heraclitus. He had removed his coat and hat, rolled up his sleeves and looked entirely relaxed. I watched as he ran through the grass with my siblings, laughed and scooped up little Rachel, throwing her up into the air and catching her. She giggled with delight which only enticed my other siblings to beg him for the same thrilling adventure. He happily obliged each one of them over and over again. Heraclitus jumped and spun in circles while barking and playing with all of them. I walked closer and stopped a distance away to watch further. I couldn't help but smile and feel completely and utterly in love with the man who happily entertained my siblings.
He caught me watching him and grinned. "Alright, who's next?" he asked.
Ellen squealed for it to be her turn so Sidney picked her up and tossed her upwards while she screamed with joy. Alan noticed me and came running over to pull me over. "Do Charlotte next," he shouted.
"No. I don't think that's possible," I laughed.
Sidney smirked as I was pulled towards him by my siblings. "Charlotte's turn, I see," he teased while the children screamed for him to do it. He placed his hands at my hips as if he was entirely prepared to throw me up in the air.
"You simply can't. It would be too inappropriate," I said, looking at him with fearful eyes.
He stopped, looked into my eyes intently and grinned. Before I could stop him, he quickly lifted me up into the air and spun me around. I screamed from the exhilaration being spun in the cool air caused. As he lowered me to the ground he laughed wholeheartedly, before wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me, to the sounds of my siblings moaning in disgust to see us kiss. I smiled against Sidney's lips before releasing myself from his hold and chasing after Emma and Harrison who were making gagging noises.
Sidney and I played with my siblings for quite a while until we were called back by my parents. Most of the visiting guests from Sanditon were planning to leave, which meant Sidney and I had to leave as well. I gathered my bag from the house and handed it to the driver to be added to the carriage. I hugged all my siblings who all had frowns on their faces to see us leaving.
"In just a few days, all of you are going to have the adventure of a lifetime when you come see me and Mr. Parker get married in Sanditon. You'll get to meet Mr. Parker's nieces and nephews. If it's not too cold, you can play on the beach and see the ocean, and see what your sister has created in the town of Sanditon."
"Can we stay with you forever?" Anna asked.
I laughed. "I think mother and father would miss you far too much. But you can definitely come visit me anytime you like. All of you can. Alison will be living in Sanditon as well. You can come visit both of us."
"Don't get their hopes up, Charlotte," my mother chastised.
I looked at her, knowing she had never been anywhere but Willingden. This was going to be an adventure for her too. "Carriages will arrive in ten days. I expect my entire family to be packed and ready to make the trip to Sanditon."
"Who will stay here and take care of the house?" my mother asked.
"The house will be fine without you for just a few days. I insist, you must come."
"Charlotte, a word," my father called. I followed him away from the crowd and waited for what he was about to say. "I saw you playing with your siblings and Mr. Parker earlier." My stomach turned remembering how Sidney had kissed me in front of them. Was I about to get reprimanded for my improper behavior? My mouth hung open and I was sure my face was turning red. He smiled and softened his expression. "I want you to know, I wholeheartedly approve of your choice of groom. I can tell he adores you more than any man should be allowed, and he has a goodness about him I admire. He is going to make a wonderful father someday."
I smiled and hugged my father tightly. "Thank you, papa." I pulled away letting my hands rest at his shoulders. "You will be coming, won't you? All of you?"
"We wouldn't miss it for the world. We will all be there."
My chest filled with excitement and I hugged him one last time before breaking away and hugging each of my family members and stopping in front of Alison. Mr. Crowe had been pulled aside by Sidney for what looked like a tense talk.
Alison and I hugged, and I whispered in her ear that I loved her and to enjoy herself. After tonight, Alison and Mr. Crowe were on their way to London for a few days for their honeymoon. According to Alison, Mr. Crowe wanted to show her off as his new bride at every social event in London. It didn't sound like something Alison would enjoy, but she seemed thrilled to be seeing some place new and exciting. Perhaps her trip to London would be more enjoyable than my trip there.
I scooped up Heraclitus from my brother, Simon and placed him in the carriage with Georgiana. Mr. Crowe and Sidney joined me just outside the carriage. In an unexpected gesture, Mr. Crowe reached out and hugged me. "I never thanked you for bringing Alison into my life."
I bashfully smiled at him and nodded my understanding. "Just don't make me regret it," I teased.
He laughed. "I truly hope you don't."
Alison joined him and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "I'll see you both in a week," I said. Sidney offered his hand to help me into the carriage and joined me after a quick nod towards everyone. I nestled in close to Sidney with an exhausted Heraclitus on my lap. Georgiana also looked rather tired. I imagined she would fall asleep on the way home. I sort of hoped she would so Sidney and I could have a few moments somewhat alone. It's all I truly wanted; to be alone with him.
~Alison~
After the long and exhausting day, Matthew and I walked along the path, hand in hand, from my childhood home to the house my father let us stay in for the night. The thought of what was to come was not only thrilling, but also terrifying. I wasn't naïve to know my new husband was an experienced man and I was not in the least. I had no idea what he would like or how he would like it. More than anything I wished to make him happy.
In the weeks leading up to our marriage, Charlotte and I had immersed ourselves in a book we had found among Lady Denham's collection that Charlotte had hidden away. Our mother told us some of what to expect, but she was rather vague in description. What she hadn't told us we learned from the book.
"What do you expect tonight to be like?" I asked, eager to know what expectations he had.
He grinned and licked his bottom lip like he was thinking. "I would like to say my Alison is not as delicate as everyone perceives her and would be open to trying new things with me."
"Whatever you want," I agreed, not really knowing what he meant.
His footsteps quickened as he pulled me along the path. Once inside the house, he quickly wrapped me in his arms and started kissing me with sheer seductive need. The compelling feelings coming from my own body were riveting and I felt the need to beg for more. His lips trailed down my chin and across my neck, settling along my collarbone. I let out a slight moan, which he chuckled at.
"Turn around," he ordered. With my eyes fixated on his, trying my best to understand his needs, I did as he said. He kissed my skin at the base of my neck and across my shoulder. I closed my eyes and allowed myself a moment to enjoy his touch. I could hear him drop his pants behind me and then begin to lift my dress up. He bent me over the bed and a sudden fear came over me. I didn't understand what he was doing. This isn't what I wanted.
"Wait!" I shouted, standing up and turning around to face him.
He looked confused and maybe a little angry. I kept my eyes focused on his face, knowing below that he was bare. "What's the matter?" he asked.
"This isn't what I thought our first time would be like," I admitted shyly. "I'm not even out of my dress yet."
He sighed and took a step away from me. I dared a glance down and saw the naked man in front of me, making my heart race with fear. I had looked forward to this moment and now I wasn't so sure. I watched as he rubbed his face with his hands rather roughly.
"Will you help me unbutton my dress?" I asked, not sure if he would.
"Of course." I turned around and with slow and unsure hands he unbuttoned one button after another. His fingertips drew lines down my spine as he continued to the last button. He leaned in and kissed along my neck, leaving me breathless with anticipation. I noticed the nightgown laid out on the bed but decided against it. With a bold move of confidence, I let my wedding gown drop to the floor, leaving me entirely exposed. My heart raced with fears he wouldn't like what he saw or would find me too forward for our first night together. But it was too late now. It seemed as if he froze when the dress dropped. I slowly turned around, feeling extremely shy and self-conscious. His eyes drew across my body before resting on my eyes. His mouth hung open and his eyes remained fixated on mine.
"What do you want?" he asked sounding pained. His forehead wrinkled as if he was pained.
"I don't understand?" I said.
He let out a loud breath and rubbed his face again. "Parker said I needed to be open to what you want. What is it you want?"
"I don't have any experience, so I can't honestly know what I want."
"I'm not sure how to do this with someone who doesn't know what to do," he admitted. "I'm rather picky in what I like, but I have to admit this is unchartered territory."
"Why don't you tell me what you like first and I'll tell you if I'm open to it?" I suggested.
He sighed and looked up and down my body again. "I typically don't like to look at the girl's face. I prefer to take her from behind." I understood now why he leaned me over the bed and began to lift my dress. "I can be a little rough at times, not knowing my own strength. I don't take much interest in making the woman feel joy. I suppose it leads back to my father. He didn't care about the women he brought home. He just used them for his own pleasures and then made them leave."
"In other words, women are just objects to be used," I pondered.
"I don't want that to be you. I suppose what I'm saying is, this is all new to me and I'm going to need a little guidance on what you want."
I stepped towards him, feeling a little more confident. "Can we start with something simple?" I asked. He leaned his head towards mine with a look of yearning. "Can you look at me?"
He nodded his head before our lips met once again in a heated and passionate kiss. Our tongues explored and brushed against each the other. My arms wrapped around his neck and I twisted my fingers around his curly tresses, pulling him closer, feeling as if I wasn't ever close enough. I wanted to be entirely consumed by him.
While we still kissed and explored the feel and touch of each other's body, he scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed, lying me down as gently as possible. He took the sight of me in one more time before he crawled over top of me. I was still quite nervous of what to expect, but I tried not to think and just focus on my husband. My breath was labored, and my body responded to his touch in ways I had no control over. I arched my back, silently begging him for more as his tongue trailed down my stomach and across my breasts. I moaned and ran my fingers through his hair. He chuckled, before moving back to my face and kissing my mouth again. I allowed my fingers to explore his chest and around to his back. He stopped kissing me for a moment and stared into my eyes. His eyes were dark with desire and his breath was ragged against me. He shifted his weight to one arm and reached down with the other to pull my leg up and running his fingers along the inside of my thigh. I followed his lead and opened my other leg as well. He reached between my legs and with one quick motion, a sudden thrust of heat came between my legs. I gasped and held my breath for a moment, feeling quite overcome. He didn't move for a moment but wouldn't look at me either. His eyes were closed tightly, and his face was scrunched as he let out small gasps of air.
As I got used to the sensation of him being inside of me, I rolled my hips against him causing him to growl and look even more pained. I brushed my fingers against his cheek and rubbed my thumb along the wrinkles on his forehead trying to relax them. "Look at me," I whispered. His eyes shot open with a look of fear. I smiled at him to let him know I was alright, and he was too. I leaned up and kissed him and arched my body into him. He moaned again and slowly started to move his body against mine. Slow at first then quicker and more ardently, causing the most wonderful feeling inside of me. I had never felt such an amazing sensation and I could only conclude this was what people got married for.
He let out a loud moan making me think for a moment I had done something wrong, but when I saw the happy expression on his face, I knew he had to have felt the same rush of exhilaration as I had. When he pulled out of me, I felt like there was a loss I didn't want to lose. He rolled to his back and let out a long sigh. I sat up on my elbow and looked over his body admiring the way his muscles along his stomach were slightly defined. I let a single finger trace the lines ever so gently. His stomach tightened at my touch and he chuckled lightly. He quickly grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing my knuckles and resting our entwined hands against his heaving chest.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
I sighed with a happy grin. "I'm more than alright."
"Did you like it?" he wondered. "I do want to know if you enjoy it or not so I can gauge where we go from here."
"I liked it very much and am open to plenty more."
"Alright," he said, leaning back against the pillow and staring up at the ceiling.
His word caught me off guard. I thought he would say more like if he enjoyed it or that he looked forward to more too. I felt a sudden moment of dread. I had done something wrong. He wasn't happy.
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked.
He sat up with a shot, leaning against his elbow so he matched my position. "Of course, not. Why would you think you did something wrong?" He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and brushed his finger along my chin in a gentle gesture.
You seem distant. It scares me," I admitted.
He smiled and let his thumb trace a line along my cheek while his fingers tangled in my hair. "I have never been so happy in my entire life. I enjoyed every moment. I'm just a little overwhelmed. You know I'm not naïve in this department, but what we just did was a first for me and it was rather intense. I'm trying to get my bearings so we can make love again, and again, and again." He grinned seductively as he spoke before leaning in and kissing me. I let my elbow drop and lay back against the bed as he followed me, hovering over me once again while we kissed.
I decided in that moment, I would be perfectly fine if we spent the rest of our honeymoon wrapped around each other in this house instead of going to London.
NOTES:
First: In case it's unclear, Crowe is not a very romantic man. He has been raised to look at women as objects rather than a partner. He's trying to change that because he does truly love Alison and wants to make her happy, but he also sees how his friends Babington and Sidney have changed and settled down and he wants the same. Remember he hasn't had the greatest role models in his life, so he's learning from his friends. At first, he starts to treat Alison like he would a woman in a brothel, but then realizes he's messing up. He's very conflicted and doesn't know what to do. The whole not looking in a woman's eyes, I felt would be something he would do. Either she's turned away from him or possibly uses a blindfold just to take some of the personal aspect away. He takes what he needs and is done. But Alison won't let him do that and makes him look at her, which is a new thing for him and like he says "intense". He's still trying to come to terms with this new development. In a way, I wanted to make it as if this was a first for both of them.
Second: I will post a picture of Alison's wedding dress on Twitter at some point. I've already posted Charlotte's wedding dress a while ago, but will do it again after her wedding happens.
Third: This story made it into the finals of the Sanditon Survival Book Club Awards on Facebook for the continuation category. I was incredibly shocked that it made it to the second round, but entirely humbled that so many of you voted for this as your ultimate favorite. To even be in the same category as the other writers is overwhelming. I just want to thank whoever nominated this story to begin with, but also everyone who voted for this story in the first round and the second round. I am so thankful for all of you commenting and encouraging me to keep going. It's because of all of you that I write this story (and because we don't have a second season yet). If you haven't voted, Monday is the last day. I know it's hard to choose one story to vote for when there are so many good ones. Whichever story you choose, I'm sure the writer will appreciate it.