My One In A Million
Chapter Nineteen
Uchiha Sasuke was hungover.
There was a woman at his door telling him to follow some complicated instructions and making loud bag noises with whatever she brought from the store, after a final grumble from him about his headache she turned and walked away.
What's a queasy man gotta do to get some peace and quiet around here?
He dropped face down in his empty living room and willed the constant bell ringing to stop. The pattern of the mats imprinted itself in his cheek and was starting to go numb and painful, but every time he tried to turn to the other side his insides rolled up to his throat, so maybe this was a good place as any to die.
Here lies Uchiha Sasuke, twenty years old. unaffiliated war hero. Died of reluctance to get off the floor.
The chaos in his head receded to the sound of rain, or a waterfall, he didn't know; the glass that led to the yard outside was bright and sunny so it's not like there was any actual rain. The sound started to make sense once the smell of fried eggs registered; someone has invaded his kitchen to use his frying pan. He wanted to get up, really, he did, it was just too much effort and really who has time to wash vomit out of straw?
The frying sound stopped but the smell only intensified, now there was some kind of chopping and baking going on. Hmm… Maybe he was still asleep and this was just his imagination playing tricks on him…
Like when you dream you're going to the bathroom only to wake up in a wet bed…
He doubted he'd wake up and find real food, though.
The only thing he could do without feeling pain was to close his eyes and imagine it was his mother in that kitchen, making breakfast or lunch or whatever, and in a bit she'll call for him to get up and set the table.
If only…
Footsteps, soft and light, they walked right by him and infiltrated his bedroom. The low table he'd dumped in a corner was brought out, two cushions were placed on either side, and then the burglar walked away.
When they came back, he was hit with the nauseating smell of fresh food and the colorful sight of a plate full of color. A whole tomato was sliced just for him, it sat on top of a layer of eggs and toast, accompanied by a thick slab of deep fried breaded chicken dripping with ketchup; to the side was a steaming bowl of miso soup and a massive mountain of steaming rice.
How long was he out?
He sat up and pushed back the queasiness with a sip of miso, it rolled down his throat like heavenly water on dry earth.
Hinata sat on the opposite side with an identical assortment on her tray and handed him a spoon. He shot her dirty looks and attempted to explain how he was stable enough to handle chopsticks, they ate in silence when he needed three attempts to successfully deliver a spoonful of rice to his mouth.
The rice was plump and soup mild, the chicken soft and juicy with the outside skin crunchy and salty, even the cabbage tasted good when it was just cabbage.
Later, when he was on his back with a full belly and a sense of reality slowly settling over his chest, he turned his head to look at her while she cleared the table. Her attire was a mess, she was in a grey top, mismatched with the ducky-printed pajama bottoms and two-tone socks, there was a spot of ketchup on her right cheek that went unnoticed, and her hair was gradually slipping out of the messy bun at the nape of her neck.
She was beautiful. "What did I say last night?"
"Hm? Oh... You were really delirious." She didn't elaborate. "Would you like some tea?"
"Yeah." The burn of stomach acids rolled up to the back of his throat when he hiccupped. Opting to sit up, he hung his head with his elbows over the table. "You're real… I thought this was a dream… Why are you here?"
"Hanabi is still asleep, we were both awake, so..."
"I meant why are you doing this?" He blinked at her repeatedly, trying to clear the blurry film off his eyes.
"We're neighbors…?" She knew this wasn't the answer he was hoping for, it was written all over his frowning face. "You helped me find an apartment, I'm just paying you back."
Through the tangled vine of collective thought, it occurred to him that she was always very specific about keeping tabs on who owed who what. "Did I say something I can't take back?"
"No." She chuckled, "You just threw up a lot."
"Mnnn." He covered his face in shame and made dying hawk noises. Hinata picked up the trays and went into the kitchen to allow him some semblance of dignity, even if she was barely keeping the laugh in.
He decided he could get used to this; the part where she was free to walk around his house, reposition his furniture and deny him access to chopsticks, not the part where he threw up for two hours.
Although having his back rubbed like that… He might just over drink next time.
Accidentally, of course.
Sasuke waited for her in the living room, but she didn't come back. Oh, he must have dozed off somewhere between her walking out of the kitchen and walking out the door, because it was noon and he was all alone with a cold cup of tea on his table.
He didn't feel like going to rehab, he didn't feel like meditating or going back to sleep either, he wanted to lay down on this straw mat until the end of the world came and took him away.
Or maybe this was the loneliness he never allowed himself to listen to before; of distant voices and the whistle of his own nose.
He didn't want this, he didn't want to be alone in this huge house; he wanted his mother to come and reprimand him about his homework, for her to tell him to get his laundry when he was done lazing around, for dad to warn him about his drink being too close to his elbow, for Itachi to stand over him and ask if he wanted the other stick of popsicle.
For the scent of flowers and warm vanilla to either wrap herself around him tighter, or take itself away and never come back.
He sensed the chakra walking up to his door before he heard the knock. Naruto banged on it like doorbells hadn't been invented and yelled at him to wake the hell up because it was time for a spar and he'd gotten into an argument with Sakura-chan and time to let out some steam Sasukeee wake upppp!
Sasuke rolled to his side and wondered if there were legal consequences to throwing the future Hokage into an exhausting illusion for the next five hours.
None, probably, but Hinata would never approve.
"What's it like to have sex with someone you actually like?"
Naruto choked on his noodles, spitting broth and pieces of vegetables all over the counter. Ichiraku san was too engrossed in frying something in the back to hear any of it. "Are you asking me for dirt on Sakura chan? I'm not gonna tell you anything! No, you can't make me! Stop looking at me like that!"
Sasuke was nonchalantly picking at the soggy noodles in his bowl, it never made sense to him why ramen had to be served in so big a portion. By the time he reached the actual noodles under all those toppings he'd be pretty much full and they'd be too soggy to enjoy. "I couldn't care less about your bride, but at least now I know you guys actually did it." He grinned at Naruto's exaggerated swallowing difficulties. "My doctor is making me read things as rehab for my eyesight," he lied, "So I'm reading this silly girl's book and it keeps everything nice and clean for the doe-eyed audience, but I'm told adult books aren't reliable either since they make everything dirtier anyway, so I might as well ask someone who knows both sides of the senbon."
Naruto was a pervert by nature, it didn't help that he was trained by an even dirtier old man, but this wasn't what his friend was asking about. "Sasuke you… You've never done it?"
"Not all the way. I'd never waste precious Uchiha DNA on some talentless floozy. You know what, never mind, the food will go bitter."
They ate in silence for a moment longer, but the blond wouldn't let it go. "You say it like it's supposed to be disgusting… it's not, you know? It's really nice."
"I don't want to hear any details, forget I asked. Just eat."
"Pff I wasn't gonna dish out any details!" He poked him with the chopsticks, "I just wanna say… I think the closest thing to it is when we learned to walk on water for the first time, it's fun and scary and if you get the hang of it you're tempted to try and do it again just to feel that rush; because now you're not as scared. Don't tell Sakura chan I said this, but a lot of hags hung around erosannin and I back when I was in training, they'd show me their junk and everything but it's weird when you don't trust them! Because wow big boobs! but I'm still a ninja! Why would I want a strange lady getting so close when she could kill me or poison me, you know?"
"You can stop now."
"Nyheheh! I was gonna add in some praise for Sakura chan just so it doesn't sound terrible when she hears."
"I'm not gonna tell her, jeez. Here eat this egg I don't want it."
"Thanks! What about you, I mean you used to be so popular I thought girls would fall at your feet now that you're back! Why aren't you dating anyone?"
Sasuke set aside his half-finished dinner and drank a healthy swig of chilled water. "I'm sure it didn't escape your notice that I was in a coma not four months ago."
"Oh, right…"
After a moment's hesitation, he let the words slip. "There's one I find interesting, but she's already in love with someone else so I'm not pushing it."
"Whoa, so even you can get caught in a love triangle, huh? Serves you right, look at all the years I spent as the third wheel because of you!"
"Stuupid, you just never confessed."
"I did, she didn't believe me! and then she did and I didn't believe her! It's just one big mess of god why can't we be normal teenagers for five minutes!" Naruto finished the last of his noodles and stole a piece of meat from Sasuke's bowl. "Who is she, do I know her?"
He'll never live it down if he gets laughed at, but it was exhausting to keep his guard up about everything all the time. Might as well be a normal young adult for five minutes. "You rejected her the night you announced your engagement."
That meat didn't look as appealing anymore, falling in chewed bits from his mouth. "Wha… Are you kidding me? Hinata chan?"
Ichiraku turned his curious gaze to them at the mention of that name, thankfully it didn't seem like he heard what preceded it.
Sasuke fished in his pockets for payment. "Like I said, not gonna complicate it."
"But you said…? Is it true what they're saying about the engagement?"
A wary glance was shot at the noodle master's back. "It's complicated, her father approves but there's too many obstacles." Mainly the obstacle of them having not agreed to get married to begin with. "Don't worry, we won't be stealing your thunder. If anything is decided you'll be the first to know."
"Sasuke, wait." Naruto put his chopsticks down, suddenly serious. "Hinata chan is one of my closest friends, if you make her cry it's gonna be me who comes after you, alright? I'm not even joking."
"Alright, alright, don't get your frog legs in a tangle. It'll take her a few decades to get over you anyway, maybe by then she'd had enough of me and we'll break up, too." Yeah, that's better, leave some wriggle space for when they eventually went their separate ways. "Master, hot tea please. Naruto what do you want to drink?"
"A year." His bright eyes were crisp with realization, "She isn't as dense as you might think just because she's quiet, she sees everything. It's been almost a year since she confessed to me, and it wasn't a kind of confession that waited for an answer… It was a dying man's last wish, she said it because she had to let it go. Hinata chan isn't in love with me, Sasuke, she hadn't been for a while."
The Uchiha released a soft breath and placed a few coins on the counter. "Beer it is, then."
Sakura joined them a short while later, ordering a bowl for herself and extra noodles for Naruto. She offered to buy Sasuke another cup of tea but he excused himself early because his back hurt and he wanted to soak in a hot tub.
It didn't, he just didn't want to waste his time listening to badly masked awkwardness. Sakura was trying to be nice, he understood as much, there was always a touch of dishonesty between what she said and how she looked at him that she probably hadn't realized was there yet. She only tolerated him because he was Naruto's friend, and maybe, on some sentimental level, she still hoped he would go back to his old charming innocent self.
Pff, as if.
It bothered him how she only accepted the parts of him that she deemed worthy of praise, what about the sins they both committed, the killing and the lies and the climbing on other's shoulders that they both did?
No, apparently Haruno Sakura made it all by herself with kindness and equality for everyone, unlike him who trained with a legendary sannin and hopped up the ranks by association and adopted most of the sannin's jutsu as their own, yup not like him at all.
She was unaware of her own wrongdoings, and inner blindness was an aspect he could never forgive.
He followed the familiar aura around a corner and stood there with his hands in his pockets. Hinata was sitting on the sidewalk with her knees under her chin looking miserable, so he tossed her a coin. It fell a few inches away from her toes with a loud ding! That startled her out of her thoughts.
"What other acts of charity would you like me to offer?"
She sighed –or laughed- and picked it up to observe it. "I wanted to talk to you and Naruto kun, but I couldn't…"
"Yeah, Sakura is overbearing sometimes." He eased down next to her, from this spot he can see between two tall buildings straight to the Hokage-faced mountain.
"No it's… Sakura chan wasn't even there, I was just too scared to talk to you first. How annoying would that be…"
"You broke into my house to make me breakfast, I think it's safe to assume you can talk to me first about anything."
"Yeah I can't believe I did…" The alley was relatively dim, but her face was obviously flush. "Thank you. I kind of meant… Well, both of you. I don't know how I'm ssupposed to talk to Naruto kun anymore… It was easier before, but now…"
Now it was an official rejection which was mostly his doing. "Hnn… Strange. He just told me you were one of his closest friends and he'll go after anyone who upset you."
"H- He did? Really?"
"Mhmm."
Her chest rose and fell repeatedly, she had to keep a hand on it to calm herself down. "Are you just saying that to cheer me up or?"
"It's the truth, go ask him yourself."
She curled up again, "I- I might talk to him, but maybe later, when Sakura chan isn't there…"
"Coward." That wasn't how he wanted to phrase it, but now it was too late to take it back. Heartbeats banged loudly in his ears considering there was much else to listen to, noise on the streets, merchants advertising their products, people chatting excitedly; all he cared to notice was the buzzing of energy two feet to the left and the adrenaline flooding his system.
Hinata pushed up to her feet, slipped the coin into the pocket of her jacket and stormed off.
Sasuke went home ten minutes later, smirking to himself because the Hyuuga princess needed a donation to afford some cheap Ichiraku Ramen.
"Maybe you need a girlfriend."
Naruto stood behind him to look in the mirror, busying himself with licking the tips of his fingers and making sure his hair was spiked in a conforming manner. Sasuke scowled at the ridiculous boy and shifted to obscure his access to his reflection. "I already told you it's not like that."
"I know, I don't want you to make her jealous or anything, but you said it yourself: she's not interested. So move on and find someone who will spoil you rotten! Isn't that what you want? Someone you could go on dates with, and get worshiped by, and nyeheh maybe teach you a thing or two about expressing love!"
"If it requires me to learn it then it's not meant for me." He washed his face again, for some reason his eyes were watering steadily and heavily, enough to keep him from getting any work done. Going to the Hokage's private bathroom was counterproductive, now he had an apprentice buzzing around him to play catch ball with his thoughts thinking those were tears of frustration. "It's not exactly that she's not interested, it's more like… She's not taking it seriously."
"Whaa? Don't make the same mistake I did, man! It took us months to figure out we meant it! Tell her you mean it, tell her it's what keeps you up at night, tell her how happy you'll make her but uhh you know what, knowing Hinata she might faint if you overdo it. Don't surprise her, alright? Make sure she's sitting down. And don't talk about hugs and kisses or stuff like that, that one time I said something reckless and she went out like a light!"
"Maybe you're daft."
"Maybe because she actually cared! Look, fainting is a good sign, it means she likes you so much she can't function!"
But who needs a light that doesn't function? Sasuke huffed and buried his face in a fluffy towel, hoping some darkness could keep the demons down. "She never did that no matter what I said."
"Oh…" Naruto patted him on the shoulder to show sympathy, "I'm sorry man. It's just not meant to be."
"I'm too old for this."
"I think you're still too young to be growing so many white hairs, honestly."
"I mean this crush thing! How long do they usually last?"
The boy grinned, "Eeh… I dunno, depends. Hinata chan had a crush on me for years, but so did Sakura for you, so…"
Sasuke mumbled a choice few words into the towel. "Maybe it's time I move on, this is getting ridiculous."
Tsunade pushed the door open to frown at the arguing kids. "Playing hooky, huh? This isn't school anymore, this town isn't gonna run itself! Get back to work!" Naruto ran out with a laugh, Sasuke leaned against the wall and kept his face in the cool embrace of the towel. She washed her hands and opened the mirror to pick a tube of lipstick out of the cabinet. "Bad day?"
He wanted to say no, but nobody was watching and she was a medic, so he nodded.
"What happened?"
For such a simple question, it required a complicated answer. He narrowed it down little by little, bit by bit, until he could explain the problem in as few words as possible. "The girl I like doesn't like me back."
The noise that came out of her nose was unfit for a lady of her stature. "Aww, so you do have a cute side!"
He waited with his face hidden in shame, for the advice, or the probable scenario, or the inevitable 'when I was your age' story. It never came. "Not gonna tell me what to do?"
Tsunade pressed her freshly painted lips together and put the tube back on the shelf. "You already know what you want to say and you're the one holding you back. I can't do much about that, can I?"
She had a point…
Too bad he had a policy against repeating himself.
"Too much water in the roots will make them rot." Hyuuga Hiashi offered casually from a few paces behind. The Uchiha district was a muddy puddle save this little patch of blossoms, it was hard not to notice it or the boy who knelt plucking weeds in it's midst.
Sasuke wiped his cold hands on his already dirty pants and straightened to admire his handy work. He didn't bother looking back at the man who had been silently observing him for the past fifteen minutes, it was supposed to be a break from the strain on his eyes from all the paperwork but now it was his patience that was wearing thin. "Are you giving me gardening advice, Hiashi?"
"Gardening, and social advice, if you will."
"I can't see how a human can have their roots over watered."
"They can if they dwell on them for too long." Their eyes met, bright white staring unwaveringly into bottomless black. "Did you do this yourself?"
"Your daughter did."
Hiashi smiled, the lines around his mouth multiplied. "That's what I thought, men like us aren't kind or attentive enough to care for a new life."
"Isn't it because you're old?" Sasuke smirked.
"It is because I have the blood of my brother on my hands." He said simply, without emotion. Years of practice must have made it easier to say it with so straight a face. Maybe, one day when he was fifty-something, Sasuke would finally muster the strength to say it as flatly. "We do not get along, I'm well aware of that, but you cannot deny that the things we have in common are plenty."
Sasuke wiped dirt off his forehead, unknowingly adding more, and turned his full attention to the old man. "What do you want?"
Hiashi's face tightened just a fraction, "I want you to understand that it was not my intention to leave my daughters in your hands, nor did anybody predict that you would take them under your wing."
"It's not like that at all." A gentle voice in his head rang clear, telling him that it was going to be understood this way by the Hyuuga, he might have been inebriated but every word she'd said that night was still fresh in his mind. "It's all one big coincidence."
"Perhaps, however, I'd like you to continue treating it as such. The Hyuuga may have a stronger dojutsu bloodline, but it is undeniable that the Uchiha reputation strikes more fear in the hearts of criminals outside these walls. I am offering you any payment you require to keep my daughters safe in your domain, but I must remind you it is not an invitation to become more than casual acquaintances with them."
The boy smiled, amused. "You make it sound like you have a say it. One of them smashed a bottle of cheap wine on The Third's grandson, and the other is on a first-name basis with the two most powerful shinobi in the land. Fool yourself as much as you want, but that's no longer up to you or your council grandpas to control."
It was hard to decipher if the Hyuuga elder was insulted or if he was helping himself to a grain of salt. "I will not approve of you, that much I can control. You may keep spreading the rumors around and I may choose to turn a blind eye when it is in her best interest, but you will not wed my daughter."
"Why not?" He crossed his arms and waited for an answer, he wasn't angry, just curious.
"Because you cannot make her happy."
Her words echoed in his ears as if she'd been there saying them in his ear. "Even if she likes me?"
Hiashi grimaced, as if the mere thought of it created a bad taste in his mouth. "It is decided."
"By who, the people who water the roots?" Sasuke picked up his dirty jacket and dusted it before pulling his arms through. "Careful, Hiashi, even potatoes leave the ground eventually."
He walked. To clear his mind, to get away from the old man, to waste time, to busy his mind with the dull scenery; walking was one of the few things he had left to enjoy.
The streets have grown busier and livelier despite the increasing chill in the air, it had been a noticeably dull month considering how busy he'd been. Naruto was involved with the Hokage business more than he used to be, it seems like the old bag was finally starting to relinquish the tight grip she had on the chair and was grooming the boy to finally take over. Because of that, and a past conversation between him and the blond, he had been put in charge of Human Resources in preparation to repositioning everyone in the cabinet, soon there will be elections to have actual representatives of the people in the new council, maybe then some of their generation's tribal grief will be avoided.
He'd never received so many gifts in his life.
Old employees in the Hokage tower bowed whenever he walked by, calling him Uchiha-dono and generally treating him like a taller clone of Naruto. They respected him only because of his relationship with the future leader, and feared him only momentarily when their jobs hung in the balance. It was hilarious, he was crazier than Naruto and required less provocation to snap, he could murder them all with a cluck of his tongue and they wouldn't know what hit them.
Once or twice he'd receive a complaint about the termination of someone's contract or their repositioning to another department, he'd call them to his office just to see the look on their faces when he torched their letters into brittle ash. "Deal with it." He'd say, up until now nobody dared to talk back.
That's why it was boring. That's why he had a lot of time to kill.
He was too efficient, the work done by a lazy pencil pusher in eight hours could be done by him in two. And then he'd have the rest of the day for himself.
A familiar scent pulled him out of his thoughts, boop, reset! His head whipped around to look even before the implications of it registered; he's getting careless when things concerned her. It was dangerous, one of these days he will turn around and not find her, or she'll be there on someone else's arm.
"Hinata." He stopped three feet away from the traditional candy booth she'd been shopping at, not because of the sickeningly sweet sugar powder swirling right into his nose, but because of the child she held in her arms.
"Ah! Good afternoon!" She smiled brightly, the kid that rubbed their face in her neck had dark hair and hooded eyes, and seemed far more comfortable against her chest than anyone ever should.
"Did someone prank Hanabi to turn her into a baby? I know an expert or two who could help." Namely Naruto and his prankster apprentice who had motive for revenge.
She laughed and turned the frowning bundle of spit and snot to look at him. The red irises startled him more than he let on. If it hadn't been lighter a few shades, if he hadn't been the only remaining Uchiha, he would have thought she'd mothered a child with Sharingan. "This is Kurenai san's daughter, I'm babysitting today, so I thought a walk would do her good."
He hoped nobody noticed how hard he had to swallow to get the lump out of his throat. "Yeah, she's peeing herself with excitement."
This Kurenai person needed to be told not to drop their responsibilities on other people, namely the one person he wanted to spend uninterrupted time with.
Super private uninterrupted time, preferably an hour or two set aside just for the summoning ritual of a little person with actual sharingan.
"She's just tired, I think she missed her naptime. Come on, say hello to Sasuke oniichan! Say: konnichiwa!" Hinata tried it a few times, but the little girl stubbornly shook her head no and hid her face in the bright scarf. Her displeased whines were muffled between the cloth and having her back patted. "I'm sorry, maybe some other time she'll say it."
He never really cared for children, and until recently he didn't even care for making them. Up until now they were a foreign entity reserved for later contemplation when -and if- he decided reviving his clan was a thing that needed to happen. They were little humans, though, weren't they? Not just eating and pooping, they were capable of human emotions like distrusting strangers and having a bad day.
How conceited of them, they can't even control their bladders and still they expect others to love them unconditionally.
Playing god these last few weeks had been too addicting, now he wanted to remove this child from her current post and make her go somewhere else.
Anywhere else.
His memory of those soft hands rubbing his back was hazy, it needed a sober refresher sometime soon. "What are you buying, are they giving you a bad price?"
The woman behind the counter stiffened and attempted to defend her business, Hinata touched his arm to keep him from intimidating the poor merchant any further. "I was asking how they were made, that's all! Please don't be upset!"
The lady offered them samples, but he wouldn't willingly taste something sweet enough to feed a demon. His stomach rolled into a tight knot when Hinata picked a pear-shaped pastry and popped it whole into her mouth. Normal people slice that into slivers with a dessert knife and wash it down with bitter tea to dull out the sweetness. This girl was not from this mortal realm. "I saw your dad a while ago."
"Really? I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable."
It was hard not to flinch at the smell of sweet red beans with her every word, plus points that she tried to cover her mouth like a real lady. "He gave me gardening advice."
"Oh, okay. He's really good with flowers, actually, too bad he wouldn't admit it. Ne, do you want to try this one? It's good! No? Well, I like it, I think I'll buy some for Kurenai." She shifted the sleepy child up in her arms as if the growing heaviness was nothing to address. "Excuse me, ma'am, I'd like a small assortment. This, and umm… Two of the strawberry ones. Is this shredded coconut?"
Against his better judgment, he grabbed the heavy girl from her arms to carry her against his shoulder. Seeing Hinata literally bend over backwards was almost painful to watch, but for her to actually go about her purchase in such a posture was just outrageous. Instead of telling him no, or that he didn't know how to hold babies –which he obviously didn't- she gently took his free hand and placed it on the small back for support.
It was strange, he'd never done something so simple yet demanding of intense focus before. No chakra shifting was required, he didn't need any special jutsu or equipment to make it happen, he just needed hands, a straight back, and the knowledge that the kid might move randomly at any moment and fall straight to her death.
He'd held cats, grown people, snakes, hawks, dead bodies, all on the same shoulder. Not once did he care about a small nose rubbing on the hard ridges of zipper on his jacket, or a warm breath filtering through his scarf into his neck. The longer he stood there, soaking it all in, the clearer he felt the small heartbeat resonating through fragile ribs like a butterfly sleeping in a spider's web.
That was a nice mental image, he should use it in an illusion sometime.
"Thank you!" Hinata accepted the carefully arranged containers in the bag and turned to take the weight off him, he wouldn't let her. "Well, I'm going back to Kurenai's place, there's not much I can do out here when she's asleep. It's a few blocks down."
"I'll carry her there, wouldn't wanna smash those pretty pink desserts."
Hinata fell into step with him without repeating the pink-vs-purple argument, leading him away from the crowd and in the direction of the older neighborhoods. "I'm not sure if you're upset about the sweets or if it's something else. Did Hanabi say something to you?"
His only encounters with the girl were acknowledging snorts in the doorway of their building. "Why would the shrimp say anything to me?"
"I don't know, it's like…" Hinata revised her words carefully, just when it looked like she'd decided not to say anything, she tried again. "I know you're busy in the Hokage tower, but you stopped showing up at the teashop and maybe you stopped reading the book, which is okay… But it's almost like you stopped wanting to talk to me, too. Is that it?"
"No." Yes. If there was one thing he remembered clearly without fail, was her mouth repeating the word 'like' a hundred times. How did she expect him to look at those moisturized lips and not want to kiss them? To see her in that poorly tied obi and not want to undo it, to know she cared for him enough to tuck him in bed and not want to pull her under the covers to fall asleep on her arm, to taste what food she could whip up in ten minutes and not want to live on it for the rest of his life? "Why? Is there something specific you wanted to talk to me about?"
Her cheeks were pink, but they were always pink when it was cold. "No, not at all. Is she heavy, do you want me to take her?"
"It's alright." He swallowed back conversation starters about romance novels and Camelia flowers and children, how he wasn't in his best mental condition when she was around, about lonely breakfasts and cold nights and empty living rooms. He finally found a safer topic when the sleeping kid on his shoulder sighed and shifted her head to the other side. "So who is this Kurenai?"
"She used to be my teacher when I was a Genin, but she retired early because she got married." The happiness in her words and on her face gave him contact-giddiness; was she that hopeful about throwing away a career just for a metal ring on the finger? "She really took care of me when I needed it the most, I owe her a lot. She's like a mother to me. Too bad she lost her husband too soon, she's at his family's house right now for the anniversary. You know Konohamaru kun? Her late husband was his uncle."
"Hmm? Your mother is dead, too, right?" It took a lot not to cringe at his own lack of tact.
Strangely, Hinata wasn't offended. "She is. She died from the strain of childbirth." Her voice softened, "I'm afraid that's probably how I'll go, too…"
"You don't know that." Stop talking about death when I'm trying to picture you in a white kimono!
"I do. I'm very weak in the heart, just a little stress and I fall ill for days. I'm not healthy enough for bearing children, that's a part of why Hanabi was chosen to be the next clan leader. She's stronger in general, too, her Byakugan and her spirit, she will change things. Plus if the elders' wishes come true, if she married someone from the Sarutobi clan, it will make history." She probably thought he couldn't hear the misery in her voice, or see through the wistful smile she tried to pass off as nonchalant. "It's this building here, I'll carry her if she's too heavy."
"She's not, I'll take her inside for you."
"It's on the third floor!"
"And I can move a mountain with my eyes. Let's go."
"You're impossible!" She led him in with a quiet giggle, punching the security numbers on the door and holding it open until he passed through at leisure. Upstairs, in a well-kept apartment, he was instructed to set the sleeping child on a soft blanket spread on the living room couch.
There were toys everywhere, colorful and noisy, elephants and cats and plastic cakes with whistles for strawberries. Outside the circle of chaos, the polished wood floor sprinkled with animal stickers led to an open, compact kitchen where Hinanta set the bag of sweets on the counter and unzipped her jacket. She must have thought he didn't notice how difficult it was for her to catch her breath, or how she leaned on the counter for stability until the lightheadedness ebbed away.
He did, but if he got any closer he would take her in his arms and that would freak her out even more.
Or maybe not… She was never quite as flustered with his touch as she was with Naruto...
All the more reason not to get anymore involved.
Slowly, as if nothing had gone wrong, she set up for tea and sliced chilled apples in a bowl. It never occurred to her how charming she looked standing on tiptoes to reach a box of biscuits on one of the higher shelves, or the unintentional blow to his focus she dealt just by the accidental flash of cotton-soft stomach under the snagged shirt.
A thick soup of envy and frustration bubbled in his chest. This was what he should have gotten when he came out a war hero, a cozy kitchen packed with beverages and snacks, an attractive woman who casually shared with him her anxieties and didn't over analyze his every word, a sleeping child rolling around in happiness and wealth, away from the horrors of the world outside.
Not his empty life, not his thankless job, not the loud voices screaming in his ears that he'd committed too many sins to deserve any kindness.
"The rice crackers are sprinkled with sugar, would you like some sesame cookies instead?" Hinata set down a tray of tea, apples, and individually packaged biscuits.
It suddenly became difficult to fight back the burning in the back of his throat, the monsters clawing inside his chest, the blinding rage that ached in the base of his eyeballs. "I'm busy I have to go."
"Oh, okay. Thank you! It was nice seeing you today."
Tell her tell her tell her tell h "See ya."
The door shut with finality, he remembered very little else but the importance of putting one foot in front of the other around the whole village until it was night, until he was back at his desk in the tower, streets and neighborhoods away from what he couldn't have, inches away from all the seals and wax that sent his family away.
The agriculture department in the tower went missing that evening, some say it was moved elsewhere by a mob of strawberries, others who had more experience negating illusions speculate it went up in black flames.
The Hokage and her council made a collective groan of exasperation, the elders of the Hyuuga breathed a collective sigh of relief: Uchiha Sasuke was bored again.