Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Gaara and Hinata would end up together and life would be unicorns and rainbows.
I don't think this chapter's funny at all. I'm sorry but there's just suspense and stuff but next chapter will be hilarious. I promise you that! Enjoy! And please check out my new story 'The Sane and The Psychotic', it's the sasuhina equivalent of 'Poor Girl' and I'm pretty sure you guys would love it so check it out if you'd like.
Hinata has this problem where people are constantly attempting to kill her.
"Hinata, have you ever heard of the story of the homicidal psychopath who fell in love with a psychopath who fell in love with a psychopath who fell in love with a sane girl?"
No, but she had a subtle feeling it was based on a true story.
Hinata gulped, "N-no.. Juugo, may I please have my phone back?"
"You're not going to need it."
You can't make international calls when you're dead.
Too soon?
Hinata swallowed the invisible lump in her throat, "Can you just pull over? Please?"
Suigetsu smiled and he actually stopped the car on the side of the road. Hinata's eyes enlightened as she thought the lunatic had changed his mind.
Assumptions, assumptions.
He took out the loaded gun from his pocket and pointed it at her as Juugo chuckled in the background, "I really didn't want my car to take up the smell of dead people again but since you insist-"
Hinata violently shook her head and Suigetsu laughed as he started up the car and continued driving to his previous destination, "Good cause I want to ask you a couple of questions that weren't exactly answered by my 'source' of information. Why the fuck did you kill Matsuri?!"
Hinata's eyes became glassy as tears brimmed her eyes, "She was going to kill me!"
Suigetsu glared at her, "You should've let her. You selfish bitch."
Hinata would gape at him for being so ridiculous if a gun wasn't exactly being pressed to her head, "What was I s-supposed to do?! L-let her k-kill me or Gaara?"
Suigetsu scoffed, "It'd be an absolute honor to get killed at the hands of my precious Matsuri!"
He was most definitely a fucking psycho.
Where's an asylum opening when you need one?
He and Gaara could have been good friends, best friends even, if only they didn't want each others' object of affections to die a horrible, gruesome death.
Such a shame, really.
Apparently, there are these people who don't want Hinata dead by first degree homicide but she hasn't met any of those in a while.
How unfortunate.
Meanwhile back at the school, Gaara had just come to a horrendous realization, "Fuck!"
Temari knitted her eyebrows and yelled over to him as he ran to his motorbike, "What's wrong?"
"That's Neji. The bastard kidnapped Hinata!"
Temari swiftly ordered everyone to follow Gaara as he drove off. Neji stopped Sasuke getting a hold of his elbow as he walked past him, "Wait, what's going on?"
Sasuke rose an elegant eyebrow at the touch of contact, "Hinata's been kidnapped. We have to follow that frivolous redhead now."
Neji gaped at him but quickly hopped into his newly repaired car's driver seat, "Get in. You'll explain it to me during the ride."
Shikamaru sped up to reach Gaara's pace, "That's them at the second stop light."
"I'll fucking kill him!"
He can and he will.
Gaara and Shikamaru sped through the tiny spaces between the beeping cars while the others were ordered to circle around Suigetsu and corner him.
Juugo looked back to see deadly eyes glaring daggers at the back windshield, "Um...Suigetsu..."
Suigetsu rolled his eyes, "What?"
"Uh..."
"Speak!"
A bullet pierced the back windshield, shattering it into a million tiny pieces like Gaara's many, many previous windows, "That pretty much spoke for me."
"Fuck," Suigetsu whispered as he immediately made an illegal u-turn almost causing an accident to occur. He dove off the cement road and onto a dirt road.
Gaara 'tch'ed and repeated Suigetsu's actions. He revved up his motorcycle as he had to drive atop of a car that unfortunately stood in the way of the dirt road.
Shibi Aburame, Shino's father, just silently stared at his steering wheel as Gaara drove his heavy motorcycle onto his car, making an extremely evident dent that actually reached the cushion of the shotgun seat. Shibi's eyebrow twitched as he nonchalantly whispered, "I hate my life."
Gaara mentally bid his apologies to Shino's kind father and would remind himself to pay for the repairs later on, "Gaara, wait up!"
Gaara took a quick glance behind him to see Neji's car and his main gang members following right behind him, "Hurry the hell up if you want to keep up!"
Gaara sped up to catch up to Suigetsu's car. Hinata's breathing began to speed up as Suigetsu sped up to not get stabbed by Gaara. Juugo took off the safety of his gun as he began taking shots at Gaara and his companions, "They're too many of them Suigetsu!"
Suigetsu grit his teeth and dove off into the forest next to the bumpy road. Hinata clung to her seatbelt as she began to mentally curse herself for involving herself in this kind of thug life, "He's still on us!"
Suigetsu slammed the accelerator to outpace Gaara which he unfortunately did. He parked his car behind a large tree, "Run and I'll strangle you on the spot."
Hinata's life is like a romantic comedy except there's no comedy, all the romance she gets is from a red headed psychopath that really should not be allowed on the Internet and it's just people constantly attempting to kill her.
How lovely.
Hinata meekly nodded as tears began to slide down her pale cheeks, "Well? Get the fuck out of the car! You too Juugo!"
Hinata viciously nodded and got out of the car. Suigetsu looked between Hinata and Juugo and back at the thought to be soon dead girl, "Take her off to the shed near the lake. Later on, I'll take care of her just like she took care of my first love."
Roaring motorcycles were heard nearing them, "Go! Now! It'll be a quick kill for me."
Juugo nodded as he roughly grabbed Hinata's wrist in a tight hold and dragged her away, forcing her to speed walk. She screamed and screamed until her voice faded away as he repeatedly told her to shut up.
And then Juugo made the worst mistake of his life.
He slapped her.
Hard.
Meanwhile, in the same ten mile radius Gaara was giving directions to the several Shinobi members who had caught up with him, "Find him at all costs."
"I'm right here," they all snapped their heads to the right to see Suigetsu holding up a gun.
Gaara grit his teeth, "Where the fuck is she?!"
"Who? The girl who take away the only thing I've ever loved? She's safe. For now, anyways."
Gaara looked around, "Tell me where she is before I pound my fist into your skull...Repeatedly."
Suigetsu laughed as he shot multiple shots at the present Shinobi. Most of his shots missed.
Most.
A bullet had pierced Sai in his upper arm and two had plunged into Lee's right thigh. Suigetsu hopped into his car and went the opposite way of the shed, "Fuck! Kiba get Sai and Lee out of here! Shikamaru, Tenten, Temari, Choji, Shino get the dead bastard."
He hopped back onto his motorcycle and started it again, "What do we do when we have him in custody?!"
Gaara had a certain evil glint in his eyes that surely were Satan's eyes, "Slit his fucking throat."
Temari nodded at the response to her question and led everyone back to their expensive vehicles. Gaara grit his teeth and focused back on finding Hinata. He saw two figures in the corner of his eye and stopped his motorcycle.
He sneakily walked towards the two figures just in time to see the bastard slap her.
Gaara's eyes widened.
Shukaku mode was immediately activated.
Oh no.
Hinata clutched her throbbing, red cheek where he had laid his hand on her. She stifled a sob and more tears sprang from her eyes as she continued to walk. A seemingly hypnotized Gaara quickly ran up towards Juugo's back and furiously slid a blade against his throat.
Juugo didn't even have time to react, he just fell down in his own doom. Gaara then took out his loaded gun and shot him several times because apparently, slitting his throat wasn't enough for the infamous 'Shukaku'.
Hinata quickly scrambled to a nearby tree and looked away as he tortured Juugo's withering body. She quickly felt strong, toned arms encircle her small frame, "Hinata.."
A trembling Hinata dug her tear stained face into the crook of his neck, "Gaara, I-I was so scared. I thought that w-would that would be the end of me. I'm so, so, so sorry that you always have to save me for my idiotic decisions."
Gaara squeezed the quivering girl into a tight bear hug but pulled away quickly as his phone rang. He wiped away her tears with his hand covered in Juugo's dark red blood, "I got her. What? You're done? Okay, time to go home."
He ended the call and helped the most likely traumatized girl to her feet, "Come on. It's time to go back at home."
He silently led her past Juugo's corpse and onto his motorcycle a few feet away. He helped her stiff body on and drove to the warehouse.
He walked in with a silent Hinata to find everyone already sat in the living room, looking wary, "Gaara, there's something we have to tell you.."
Gaara rose the area around where his eyebrows would be if he had eyebrows at Temari, "Alright. Just allow me to get Hinata situated back. She seems pretty stirred up."
He slung his toned arm around her tensed shoulder and walked her up the stairs and into her room as Kiba sent Shikamaru and Temari worried glances. Gaara opened her room door and led her to sit on her bed, "Hinata, don't worry about it. It's over now."
Just don't mind the shed blood smeared on your cheekbones.
Hinata nodded her head and slightly smiled. Gaara's lips curved upwards as he bent his knees so he could be at her sitting height, "Hey, how about that date I promised you a couple days ago? It'll help you forget about this whole situation. Get ready. We'll get some dinner."
Since when has the whole "hey-someone-tried-to-kill-you-for-the-second-time-this-week-let's-go-on-a-date" thing ever actually made anyone feel better about themselves?
Hinata weakly smiled again as he gave her a nod of acknowledgement. He walked out of the room and back into the living room, "What was it that you had to tell me, Temari?"
Temari awkwardly scratched her head, "Well, we sort of, maybe, perhaps, kind of...let him get away."
Gaara's eyes widened, "How the fuck did that happen?"
Temari gulped, "He kept shooting at us and some of us weren't even armed. He drove off into traffic and we couldn't distinguish his car from the others. We lost him."
Gaara grit his teeth and attempted to keep his cool composure in tact, "So you're telling me that there's a fucking psychopath out there that plans to kill the woman I want to marry?"
A beat up Sasuke slammed the door just in time to put his two cents in, "There's not only one. Suigetsu has groupies. To be more specific, the Akatsuki."
Kiba widened his eyes, "Wait, what?"
Sasuke nodded, "Me and Neji had Suigetsu cornered when the Akatsuki magically showed up and helped him."
Well, that changes the ball game now.
"Where's Neji?"
One side of Sasuke's lips curved upwards in a sly smirk, "The Akatsuki got several good hits at his car. He's outside pitifully crying on his once again destroyed car screaming 'why does this happen to me every time'. It's kind of sad."
Gaara shook his head in dismay as he took his checkbook out to write Neji a check for the car's repairs.
Meanwhile back at the deserted school, Naruto finally went outside after his little 'moment' in the girls' bathroom. He looked left, right, behind him, and right again. Nobody was there. Naruto sighed.
It would be a long walk (limp) home.