She Holds the Cards
Part III: The Signs She Saw
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
9:42 on a Saturday morning, eighteen minutes before the . . . the . . .
"Date!" Hanabi bellowed from the bed as Hinata sat at her vanity and combed her hair. "I can't believe you got asked on a date before me - and by Sasuke Uchiha, no less!"
Hinata tried to steel her expression as she sent her little sister a warning look, but it was not very effective - probably because of the massive blush on her face. "H-Hanabi," she said, placing her comb down and standing from her cushioned stool, "it's not a d-d-date. It's just a . . . hangout between . . . f-friends."
Hanabi snorted and kicked her feet off the side of the bed. It looks like she was doing a bad job at convincing both of them.
"Yeah, sure. A totally platonic outing to the amusement park - cuz that doesn't just SCREAM romantic!"
"I-I've been t-to the a-amusement park with T-Tenten and Sakura p-plenty of times," Hinata said.
Hanabi flicked her long hair over her shoulder and shot her an unamused look. "Yeah," she mused, "well Tenten and Sakura aren't romantically interested in you."
Walking across the room to her walk-in closet, Hinata felt her heartbeat tremble. She scoured through her closet, pushing past tank tops and skirts to get to the turtlenecks and jeans. "S-Sasuke isn't -"
"But you'll keep me warm, right?"
"Can I have your number?"
"There's a poem that reminds me of you."
"That day. Should we find it tomorrow, Hinata?"
Hinata snapped her mouth shut and yanked a pair of jeans off the hanger. Even she didn't know Sasuke's true intentions - or maybe she did, and she just wasn't ready to face them yet. Either way, the clock was ticking, and she still had to get dressed. "Hanabi," she called, throwing a white sweater over her arm and walking out of the closet, "I n-need to get d-dressed."
Hanabi sighed and hopped off the bed, and went pale upon inspecting the clothes Hinata had chosen. "Really?" she asked as her sister placed them on top of her purple comforter, laying them out to get a mental image of how the articles of clothing would look together. "You're wearing that? Are you trying to bore him into asking you out?"
Hinata pursed her lips, not seeing anything wrong with what she chose. Even though the weather was supposed to be sunny that day, it was still the middle of October, and she - despite liking the cold weather - didn't want to get sick. "H-He's not going to a-a-ask m-me out." He's not actually, right!? "And wh-what do you expect me to wear? A d-dress?"
Eyes lighting up, Hanabi ran into the closet, only to return with just exactly that in hand. "Just look at this." She flung it over the planned outfit, grinning. Hinata peered at it nervously. She appreciated that her sister picked one with long sleeves, but the skirt was still a bit short, and - and they were going to an amusement park, for goodness sakes! If she wore a dress, he'd think she was . . .
What? Trying too hard? Trying to seduce him? All of the above?
With a squeak, Hinata threw the dress to the other side of the bed and grabbed her white sweater and pulled it to her chest. "H-Hanabi." She sent her little sister a sharp look. "Out!"
Practically shoving her little sister out of her room, she slammed it shut and sighed. On the other side, she heard Hanabi groan and say, "Don't blame me if he takes one look at you and leaves you on the porch!"
...
At exactly 10:00, the entrance way was full with the rhythmic ring of the doorbell. At exactly 10:00, Hinata rubbed her fingers into the hem of her sweater and saw fuzzy, dark spots creep up on the edges of her vision.
And at exactly 10:00, as she stared at the shadow that crept in through the crack under the front door, Hinata felt like she was going to pass out before the outing could even start.
Breathe, she told herself, taking slow steps towards the door. She shouldn't feel nervous because there was nothing to be nervous about. She'd hung out with her friends before, and the fact that he was a boy shouldn't matter, either, because Kiba happened to be one of those friends and she never felt so skittish with him. So what made Sasuke so different?
Well, actually, that wasn't hard.
Because he was Sasuke Uchiha, the one who every girl tripped over when seeing him in the hall, the one who had approached her and brought her into his world; the one who had flirted with her and asked her on this . . . date . . .
Outing! she reminded herself.
And this was also Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura's ex-boyfriend who she was still hung up on, and Sasuke Uchiha, the boy who her best friend Ino Yamanaka has had a crush on since sixth grade. She was going to an amusement park - with him. Together. And if they found out, they'd be heartbroken, and she didn't want to do that to them.
"What a-are you doing?" she asked herself as she stood in front of that large, intimidating door, left palm pressed against its cool surface.
"Opening the door, I'd hope."
Gasping, she quickly twisted the lock and flung open the door. Wind rushed inside, blasting against her face, flying through her hair and messing up her bangs. The sky was blue and cloudless and the sun beat down upon the earth, yet it was still cold - terribly cold. But Hinata didn't notice it. She was too caught up in her body heat, his body heat, and the flames in his eyes as he stood there, decked from head to toe in winter clothes that he still, somehow, managed to pull off to look like casual wear. He was handsome - boiling - and staring at her from the porch with a casual sway to his left.
"Yo." His left hand twirled his car keys on a finger as he pinned her down with his gaze. The corner of his lip turned and twitched, as if he were trying not to smirk. "No dress, huh?"
At exactly 10:02, Hinata wanted nothing more but to slam the door in his face and get changed into that damn dress Hanabi had picked out.
Because it was one of the last nice days before the winter front would hit, the amusement park was nearly filled to the brim with visitors. In other words, nightmare fuel for Hinata - because they had only been there for five minutes and she had already nearly lost him to the crowd twice. She could barely see over the shoulders of other people, and while Sasuke was tall and sturdy, she was small and easily shoved around.
It wasn't a situation she was new to. When she had to go with her family to business parties, she would be surrounded by taller, stronger (both physically and mentally) people. When her father would see her slouch and droop away, he'd tell her, "Lift your chin, Hinata. If all they see is the top of your head, they won't take you seriously."
But here, in this place, even if she did lift her chin, they'd still only see the top of her head - that's how tall they were. Or how short she was. Or both.
"Hey." A firm hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward. She stumbled and almost knocked her shoulder into someone as Sasuke pulled her off to the side, where there was enough room to breathe. She leaned back on a light pole, inhaled the cool air that kind of stung her lungs, and adjusted the strap of her purse over her shoulder. Sasuke stared out at the passing crowd. "You get lost a lot."
I know. "I'm s-sorry."
He tilted his head back to shoot her a look. "Just tell me when you get uncomfortable."
They went back into the crowd and got to where some of the rides were. The slower rides had a relatively long line, but the faster ones, like the roller coasters, seemed to go through their lines quickly. Sasuke eyed a tall coaster with interest, and Hinata felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. Even though she had been there countless times with her friends, she'd yet to ride one of those things.
If Sasuke wanted to ride one . . . how was she going to . . .
He sighed and stopped walking. She nearly ran into his back. "I told you to tell me when you were uncomfortable." He moved to get into a line, and Hinata followed him, not really paying attention. But when she saw the sign a little bit ahead - The Millennium Dragon - her nerves shot up. Sasuke inspected her from the side. "You know why I picked this?"
Panic already settling in, Hinata shook her head. "Wh-wh-why?"
A roller coaster train zipped by ahead, followed by the sound of screaming. They looked up, him in awe and her in absolute fear. "If I ever feel . . . nervous, I distract myself by doing something more nerve-wracking." Her gaze dropped to him, watching his gloved hands tug at the cuff of his down jacket's sleeve. "Usually, it helps me get my mind off the first thing."
Really? Another screaming train whizzed by, making her jump. That really works?
Well, there was only one way to find out.
...
Seven minutes later, they were next in line, and Hinata was about to fall into a panic attack. She stared up at Sasuke with wide, fearful eyes, and stuttered, "I-I-I d-don't think I-I can do th-this."
Sasuke, standing a few inches away from her and in the way of her only escape from this potentially life-threatening experience, did not move a single centimeter. "Yes you can," he said, sounding like he had rehearsed it a thousand times.
The coaster train full of people who had just buckled in shot off at lightning speeds, meaning that the next one was for them. Hinata couldn't bear to think about it. She grabbed Sasuke's sleeve and squeezed it in a white-knuckled grip. "I-I'll die," she whispered, voice shaking as much as the rest of her. "S-Sasuke, I-I'll die!"
The next train came to a stop, and the passengers began to exit. Some of them wobbled as they hopped onto the platform. "You won't die," he said, staring at the cart just a few feet away from them. His face looked a bit pale - more so than usual. And when the gates opened up, allowing them to enter, he blinked rapidly and frowned. "Let's go."
Whining silently, Hinata slowly walked into the cart and took her seat, Sasuke right behind her. A staff member came by and lowered the safety bar that hung over their heads, and Hinata immediately squeezed it with both hands. The cart rattled as the speakers played a prerecorded overview of the safety regulations of the coaster. She could barely hear it over the ringing in her ears.
"We'll be fine," was the last thing she heard before they shot forward.
...
There was a line in a poem - If Perhaps - that she knew. It read: I know I said I could handle it, but I wonder as I think about it. My heart screams for sweet release.
At that moment, Hinata never related so much to something in her entire life. Her heart howled in her chest as the coaster zoomed and turned and rose and fell. Air smacked against her face, bringing tears to her dry eyes, and she couldn't tell if she was screaming because everyone else was. She tried closing her eyes for a moment in hopes that it would help, and to her alleviation, it began to slow. Her eyes blinked open, and then widened.
They were going up a huge hill.
And at the end, the track fell to an immediate, steep drop.
Oh shit, she thought, heart drumming in her head. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit -
"S-S-Sasuke," she whispered, hand reaching for him and landing on his knee. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the peak of the track. The rest of the riders yelled in anticipation, and when they got to the very top, the train groaned to a shaky stop. Looking down only freaked her out more. "S-SASUKE!"
And to her shock (and utter horror) a cold, shaking, gloved hand landed on top of her hand and squeezed the life out of it. "Oh fuck!"
And they fell, screaming at the top of their lungs.
...
"I won't make you do that again."
Hanging around at the exit, knees weak and throats still recovering from the terrified screams they had let out, Hinata and Sasuke were pale, unbalanced, and bright-eyed. Hinata clutched at her chest, feeling her heart race with fear, with panic, with . . .
. . . a hunger for more.
Looking up at Sasuke, grinning, she said, "Let's d-do another one!"
His eyes widened as she led both of them to the next thrill-inducing ride.
...
In line, Hinata was bouncing with anticipation, and Sasuke was watching her with a smirk as he pulled off his gloves and shoved them in his pockets.
...
Four rollercoasters and three fast-paced rides later, Hinata and Sasuke sat at a bench and ate at their sandwiches. Hinata kicked her feet out from beneath her as she chewed and watched the other park visitors pass by. Sasuke had been right; after that first ride, she didn't feel nearly as nervous, and the lack of anxiety sizzling in her stomach helped her relax and enjoy the day.
"I-I'm having fun," she said without thinking, and blushed.
Sasuke's lips turned in a smirk as he devoured his sandwich. "I'm glad."
She wanted to tell him how much this meant to her, how she'd never felt so alive and free in years, and that she was more than thankful to have had him push her in the right directions; she thought and tried to find a way to tell him all that, but her thoughts were cut short when a familiar face flashed in her peripheral vision.
"T-Tenten?"
The girl in name was already approaching them, a glistening, unnerved look in her round eyes. And when her eyes fell on Sasuke, her panic seemed to strengthen.
"Hinata," she said, attempting a smile, "didn't expect to see you here."
A bit guilty for not telling her friend about their trip, Hinata tried to speak, but Tenten continued.
"Look, I think you guys should try the other side of the park." She looked over her shoulder, as if searching for someone who was following her. "I, uh, heard there's going to be, like, this parade going through here soon, and the crowd will be massive. I figured, you know, it'd be best to avoid it if you can and maybe take advantage of the shorter lines."
Smiling, Hinata was glad that even in times like this, Tenten always had her back. "Thank y-you, T-Tenten," she said, "b-but actually, the p-parade sounds -"
Sasuke stood, towering over her. "We'll go." He and Tenten shared some sort of look, something raw and indescribable, and Hinata didn't know what to think about it. Throwing the rest of his lunch away, he motioned for Hinata to stand up and do the same.
Confused, she did so, and glanced back at her friend. "Will you j-join u-us?"
Tenten laughed, eyes still flashing behind her. "Y-Yeah, sure. I'll catch up."
Another look passed between her and Sasuke, and then she spun on her heel and left. Do they know each other? Hinata wondered.
Pulling his gloves back out and putting them back on, Sasuke was already on the move. "Let's go," he called over his shoulder, not waiting, not watching her. She followed him, struggling to keep up with his long strides, utterly confused with the sudden shift in the air.
...
Despite it being cold, Hinata felt herself burning.
"Hey, did you put on sunscreen before I got you?"
Shit. Her face and neck stung, and if she looked in a mirror, she was sure she'd be red. Curse her Hyuuga genes that made her burn to a crisp easily!
Sasuke frowned and took her to a spot in the shade."Unlock your phone and give it to me," he said. Not one to make a fuss, she did so quickly, and he thumbed her screen and typed something out before returning it to her. "I texted your cousin. He's coming with your sunscreen."
Her gaze lowered. "I-Im -"
"Don't apologize." Walking over to a bench, he sat down and patted the spot next to him. Slowly, she joined him, and he sighed and popped his knees. "I needed a break, anyway."
...
Twenty minutes later and Hinata was not feeling any better.
If anything, she felt like she'd melt through the cracks on the wooden bench and become a puddle of hot goo.
"Oh my God, Hinata!" Tenten, having finally 'caught up' with them, was immediately standing in front of her, gawking at her. "That looks bad. Are you okay?"
Smiling, she touched her face and winced at how hot she felt. "I-I'm just a b-bit h-hot."
"No shit." Humming to herself, she looked off to the side, where a building with an inside cafeteria stood. "Wait here, I'll get you some water."
Sasuke pushed himself off the bench. "I got it."
Two pairs of sharp eyes glared at each other, and Hinata felt something stir within her. "A-Actually," she said, "I-I'll get it."
Tenten cocked her head. "But Hinata -"
"I-I'll be okay. Just give me a m-minute." She didn't know what it was, but the sight of them - Sasuke and Tenten - together made her stomach coil, and she didn't think she had the strength to be left alone with one of them, let alone both of them. Straightening her shoulders, she walked to the building and entered.
All at once, her body relaxed as she felt herself cooling down in the AC, and she walked up to the front and pulled out a bottle of water from the counter and bought it. The cool liquid felt like heaven to her dry throat, and she downed a good quarter of it in one swig. I should probably get one for Sasuke and Tenten, too. Heart jittering, she bought two more, shoved them under her arm, and exited the building.
What she hadn't expected was yelling to be the first thing she came across.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, UCHIHA!"
"Neji, calm down! It's not what you -"
"What is this, Tenten? A date!? With him!?"
Standing there a few feet away, Hinata dropped her water bottle, which sloshed out most of its content onto the hot, concrete ground. Three pairs of eyes snapped her way, and she swayed.
There stood three people she had come to love dearly. Tenten in between Sasuke and Neji, who both looked ready to murder one another, this was a scene Hinata had always, in the back of her mind, feared would happen one day.
"Hinata?" Neji breathed.
She just didn't expect today to be that day.
...
Flinching as Neji applied a mix of aloe vera and sunscreen to her sunburnt cheek, she asked, "D-Didn't H-Hanabi tell you I was h-here with Sasuke?"
With a sharp exhale, he said, "If she did, do you think I would have still -" His gaze lowered, obviously ashamed.
Over his shoulder, Tenten had her arms crossed. "Well, at least you know now."
Sasuke was next to Hinata on the bench, leaning forward with his chin perched in his palm, looking off to the side with bored eyes. Feeling like she had ruined their day of fun and knowing that he'd only get more angry if she apologized, Hinata wiggled in her seat. And it started off so great . . .
"There." Neji sat back, screwed the lid on the sunscreen bottle tightly, and wiped the remaining lotion on a towel that Tenten had handed him. "That should take care of the burn, but I do not suggest you stay out much more in the sun."
Picking up his head, Sasuke said, "We were about to leave, anyways."
We are?
Heart sinking, Hinata nodded and stood with him. "Thank you, N-Neji," she said. "I-I'm sorry y-you had to come a-all this way for . . . nothing."
He waved a hand, uncaring. "Don't thank me yet. Tomorrow is when we'll see how much damage was done."
Tenten rolled her eyes before sending a reassuring smile Hinata's way. "What he means to say is that you have nothing to worry about." Her eyes narrowed deviously as she looked between her and Sasuke. "Safe driving, you two."
Waving at them, Hinata said her final goodbyes before following Sasuke. They walked to the exit in silence. In the distance was thrilled screaming and laughing and smiling people, and Hinata wished she could have stayed a bit longer and enjoyed it all. But her face was burning and her fingers were frozen, and she couldn't imagine how cold Sasuke must have been feeling. So she walked on, watching the world pass with a sad smile, feeling like this was all her fault.
When they reached the parking lot, her guilt couldn't be contained. "S-Sasuke," she began, voice shaky, "I'm -"
"I had fun."
He turned his head a bit to the side to regard her in the corner of his eye.
"We should do this again," he said.
The idea of this day happening again (and hopefully with a better ending), was enough to get her grinning, and she nodded.
Let's eat lunch together. -Tenten
Huh? In second period Algebra II, phone under her desk, Hinata peered at the text, confused. Not because it was odd to get a text from Tenten during school, nor because it was weird for them to have lunch together, but because it was Monday, and usually Tenten ate lunch in the wrestling room on Mondays.
Is something the matter?
She bit her lip and hid her phone in her lap as the teacher passed by.
Don't worry so much. Maybe wrestling was just canceled today.
Shaking her head, she quickly sent an affirming text before focusing back on the lesson.
...
Sasuke, to her surprise, was there, sitting idly to Tenten's left.
Maybe . . . I should be worried.
Hinata sat in front of them, placing her tray on the table, and waited with a held breath. "Oh, Hinata," Tenten said, looking up from her pasta and smiling. "Glad you could make it. I wanted - er, needed to talk about something with you." Brown eyes drifted to Sasuke. "Both of you."
Placing her hands in her lap and straightening her spine, Hinata gave Tenten her full attention as Sasuke, uninterested, ate his food with ease.
"It's about Sakura." Hinata tensed and Sasuke didn't react. "I think she knows about . . . the both of you. She saw you at the park on Saturday."
What? "Sh-She was there?" How? Why!?
Tenten nodded. "I think she thought something was going on between the both of you and got a bit . . . upset."
Gnawing at her lip, Hinata tried to think of what to do. This was exactly what she feared and hoped would not happen - but what was she expecting, really? If it wasn't Saturday, then it would be another day. Someone would see them in the parking lot or talking at school and would blab it until it reached Sakura or Ino. Sasuke was so noticeable that they were bound to find out eventually. She had just hoped it wasn't so soon.
"B-But w-we're not d-dating." In the corner of her eye, she saw Sasuke frown, but she ignored it. Because if she didn't ignore it, she'd focus too much on it and lose her train of thought.
"Then I think you should tell her that, yourself," Tenten said.
Okay. She tried to not feel stressed over this - Sakura would understand if she would just explain everything. But still, somehow, anxiety was bubbling in her throat. Okay . . .
...
"Don't worry about it." When Sasuke finally spoke, it was three minutes after the talk and in the middle of everyone eating. His eyes were on her as he continued. "Sakura and I are friends now, and I don't plan on that changing."
Tenten snickered. "Oh, you sly dog." She pulled up her sleeve and looked at her watch, gasped, and immediately stood. "Shit, I need to get going, or Coach Gai will kill me. Thanks for the meet-up, Hinata. Next time, let's do this with the other girls!"
In her haste to round the table, Tenten didn't notice something slip out of her pocket and fall to the ground. But Hinata did, and upon bending down and reaching it, nearly choked. In her hand was a light blue envelope with cursive on the front, wrinkless and . . . and . . . there.
"T-Tenten!" Hinata called, holding the letter in the air. "You, u-um, dropped this!"
Her friend looked over her shoulder, blushed, and ran back to the table. "Gah - dammit, I knew I shouldn't have saved this thing." Rubbing her shoulder awkwardly, Tenten took the letter and stuffed it back in her backpack. "Don't tell anyone, kay, Hinata? I don't want it going around that I save these things."
She smiled and zipped her lips. "B-But . . . why do y-you still have it?" From what she remembered, Tenten hated those things.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a big hypocrite. But - listen - it was actually . . . kinda sweet, what he said. And the envelope ain't decorated with all that shit like the other ones were, so I kept it." Laughing nervously and shuffling her feet, Tenten patted the pouch with the letter. "Seriously, though, keep this a secret."
And with that, she turned on her heels and ran to class.
Turning back, Hinata caught Sasuke staring off in the direction where Tenten left, something lingering on his face that made her appetite disappear.
In art class, Hinata put her canvas right next to Sakura's as they began to paint.
"S-Sakura," she whispered, "I-I need t-to t-talk to you."
Never looking away from her canvas as she brushed in the blues of a warm sky, Sakura had a firm smile as she said, "Go ahead."
Hinata took a moment to look at her friend, at her stiff posture and pursed, glossy lips. Those brilliant, green eyes never looked up at her, which was odd for Sakura because she encouraged eye contact when speaking with others. She's angry, Hinata realized with a racing pulse. Tenten was right.
"U-Um, about the p-park . . ." Sakura paused in her painting. "I-It's n-not what you think. S-Sasuke and I . . . w-we aren't dating. I-I wouldn't - well, I-I'd at least tell you first . . . if that w-were . . . ever . . ."
"I know."
Sighing, Sakura dropped her paintbrush and locked eyes with Hinata.
"I know you aren't dating him," she said, eyes drooping. "It just hurt that you didn't tell me that you were going with him. If you had, then I wouldn't have . . . ."
"I-I'm sorry," Hinata said.
Shaking her head, Sakura smiled brightly before returning to her painting. "Don't worry, Hinata. I'm over it now. That was just me getting jealous over nothing." Wiping her brush off on a napkin before stirring it in water, she then dipped it in a glob of yellow paint and began to incorporate that into her sky.
Hinata had never seen Sakura paint something so . . . lively and bright. Though a bubbly girl, she tended to go more dark and edgy in her painting, a habit Hinata had always thought was connected to Sasuke in some way. But now she painted a blue and yellow sky, practically glowing with color. "Sakura . . . that's b-beautiful."
And to her confusion, a sad smile stretched upon those glossy lips.
"I know."
...
"Hey! Hinata!"
Wind pushed up against her, nearly pushing her over, and she had to block her eyes with a raised hand in order to see Kiba waving her over to his Jeep. Pushing her bangs out of her eyes, she walked over and pressed her back against the bulky structure of the vehicle, which acted as a wall against the wind. Kiba laughed and jumped out of his Jeep to her side.
"I was literally just about to text you." As emphasis, he waved his phone, showing half a text he was about to send her. "Wednesday night - the whole group was thinking about going to that barbeque place downtown. You in?"
The whole group? She thought about it for a second, weighing the pros and cons, and quickly came to the conclusion that there was no way she was going to miss hanging out with everyone. "I-I'd love to!"
"Great!" His toothy grin reached most of his face. "Your cousin is leavin' early for something - mmn, somethin' about Tenten - so I figured you'd need a ride. I'll -"
"I'll do it." Suddenly, she was being pulled away by her left elbow, and over her shoulder, Kiba called her name. She could barely hear it over the howling wind and the pumping beat in her ears as she looked to Sasuke. He took her to the other side of the Juniors' parking lot, where his car shined in the sunlight. "I'm also taking you home."
Huh? "But N-Neji -"
He was already opening the door for her before she could get out another word.
"It's at 7:00, so I'll get you at 6:40." Sasuke closed the door behind her, rounded the front of his car, and slid into the driver's seat. The engine roared as he shot forward and left the parking lot behind. Her heart raced with his car, and she glanced over at him, not totally surprised to see him staring back. "I don't think I have to tell you this, but . . ." he smirked, "don't wear jeans this time."
...
Wednesday night, five minutes before Sasuke was to show up, Hinata was looking at herself in the mirror. Is this okay? Her eyes trailed the black dress, the long, hanging sleeves, the skirt that brushed just over her knees. Looking at it, her heart split in two, and she felt completely unbalanced. Too much? Not enough? What am I supposed to think about this?
Wednesday night, four minutes before Sasuke was to show up, Hinata was freaking out. Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, she ran out of her room and down the stairs, dodged a maid who was dusting the railing, and went to strap on her shoes.
Wait . . . shoes!
And so - Wednesday night, three minutes before Sasuke was to show up, Hinata was digging through her closet, trying to find something - anything - that would go with her closet. She found a pair of black pumps, eyed the five inch heels wearily, realized she was running out of time, and -
The doorbell chimed through the house on a Wednesday night, two minutes before Sasuke was supposed to show up. He's early! Pulling on the pumps, she grabbed her bag and rushed down the stairs, nearly tripping on the third step. "Ooh!" Somewhere in the living room, Hanabi hid in the shadows and cooed wickedly. "He definitely won't get bored tonight!"
Hinata flung open the door before her sister's remark could sink in and get her feeling hot and flustered. Dressed in dress pants and a white button-up, Sasuke was folding his sleeves back when she looked at him - stared at him, really. Were he not wearing the dark blue, bulky bomber jacket, she probably wouldn't believe that it was him. She'd never seen him so . . . cleaned up before.
"Oh good," he said, running a hand through his hair, "you're ready."
Blushing, Hinata turned and told her sister that they'd be home before ten and closed the door behind her. As they walked down the staircase to the large driveway, both her pumps and his dress shoes clicking against the concrete, Hinata tugged at her sleeves, uncertainty running its course through her body.
But when they got to the car, and she slipped past him to get into her seat, she saw the look he sent her. The kind that made her feel better. He didn't have to say anything; it was all in his crinkled, pleased eyes.
...
Upon seeing that everyone else was about as dressed up as her, Hinata's self-consciousness evaporated almost completely, and she smiled when Ino and Tenten found her and pulled her into their excited bubble.
The barbecue restaurant was an elegant building where, upon entering, the first thing you would see was a giant chandelier hanging above and velvet benches that surrounded the hostess podium. When their table was ready for them, they were led to one of the back rooms that held the bigger tables. The group was split between two tables, and Hinata sat with Ino, Tenten, Sakura, Sasuke, Neji, and Kiba. As they looked at their menus and ordered their drinks, Ino tapped her shoulder and smiled at her.
"You look beautiful," she said, eyes sparkling in the candlelight.
"S-So do you."
"I almost didn't recognize you at first." Sakura, across the table between Sasuke and Tenten, laughed as she sipped her sweet tea. "Not because - you know - but because of the heels. You, like, grew five inches."
Ino rolled her eyes as she stirred her straw in her water. "Yeah. Maybe you should get yourself a pair of five inches, you dwarf!"
Sakura slammed her fist on the table. "Call me that again!"
Sasuke scowled as Tenten hissed, "Will you two stop for one second, please? We'll get kicked out if you keep it up."
Kiba, to Hinata's left, snickered as he leaned back in his chair. "Now that would be fun."
...
After ordering and waiting for their dinner to be served, the group dug around to find something to keep them distracted from their rumbling stomachs. As the other table played a game of 20 Questions, Sakura and Ino dived into the latest bit of gossip, every so often trying to get Sasuke to say a word or two. Hinata was in the middle of listening to Kiba's story about how he and Lee had snuck Akamaru into a movie theater when a bellowing yell came from the other table.
"Holy shit, I can't fucking think when it's so HOT!"
Naruto.
She glanced over to see him standing and looking ready to cut the sleeves of his cardigan with the steak knife. Kiba, also looking over, gave a startled choke. "The HELL, Naruto!?" he called as Lee and Shikamaru practically held Naruto back to keep him from destroying his clothes. "Was your drink spiked or something, or are you just more of an idiot now?"
Naruto squinted his eyes and sneered. "Neither, dumbass." He shook both of the boys off of him and crossed his arms. "It's just fuckin' hot - if I'd known, I wouldn't have worn this stuffy thing!" Then, in a matter of seconds, he threw the cardigan over his head and flung it over the back of his chair, now sporting nothing more than a black tank top.
"There! Better!"
"What the hell?" Sakura yelled. "It's formal wear in here. Put your sweater back on!"
"Aw, Sakura, you're no fun!"
Keeping her gaze anywhere but in Naruto's direction, Hinata's gaze dropped on Sasuke, who tugged at his collar and looked a bit hot, himself. She couldn't imagine how hot that big jacket could be. Concerned, she moved to talk, but Tenten beat her to it. "Hey, Sasuke, you look like you're about to pass out." She took a sip of her water, ignoring the glare he sent her. "Take off your jacket before I have to drag your body to the bathroom to cool you off."
"You're sweet." His voice was dripping with sarcasm, but he still shrugged off his bomber jacket and hung it on the back of his chair.
Ino's eyes were glued to her lap as Sakura took shy peeks at him every now and then. Hinata, herself, couldn't believe it either. How could one jacket change one person's image so much? No longer the normal, always-in-black boy, Sasuke was a slicker, fresher version of his old self, and Hinata couldn't get the image out of her head even after she looked away.
What the hell? she asked herself, downing her glass in one gulp. What's wrong with you?
...
When the main course came and everyone was in the middle of eating, Naruto began groaning about the heat again. "Will you fuck off?" Kiba, tearing into his ribs, barked. "Just go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face or something."
"Hey!" Naruto grinned at him. "Great idea!"
As he excused himself to the restroom, Ino and Sakura were in their own little world - a sort of competition on who could finish their wings first. Neji wiped his lips and regarded them as if they were wild animals, and even Tenten looked disturned. "What the heck? When did you guys suddenly start eating like that?"
Hinata watched them with wavering eyes, scared that at any moment one of them would start choking. But it never came, and it ended with Sakura slamming a hand on the white table cloth while Ino still had half a wing between her teeth. "Take that, you pig!" Sakura yelled, victory roaring in her eyes and making her face glow.
In turn, Ino tugged at the cloth, causing Sakura's tea to fall over and spill on her white dress.
"SHIT!"
Kiba roared with laughter as Sakura stood up, eyes wide and blazing with rage.
"You - how could you - this is Prada!"
Ino smirked as she wiped her barbeque-stained mouth with a napkin. "Yeah, well, now it's nada!"
Huffing, Sakura stormed off to the girls' bathroom. Hinata whirled to Ino, flabbergasted. "I-Ino!" What had just happened - between them - she'd never seen it happen before. Sure they got into their bouts, but they respected one another's boundaries and never took it too far. Is it, she glanced over at the silent, handsome boy on the other side of the table, because Sasuke's here? "What a-are you d-d-doing?"
And the look on Ino's face - it was as if she, herself, had realized what she had just done. "Oh my gawd, Hinata! What did I just do!?" She stood up, guilt twisting her lips downward. "I need to go -"
Hinata stood, as well, and put a hand on Ino's shoulder. "I-I'll go. She m-might b-be too m-mad to talk to y-you."
She pushed out from between the table and chair and walked behind Ino and between the two tables. As she made her way to the bathroom, she heard Shikamaru call. "Wait, Hinata! I don't think you should go over there right now."
What? Why not? Sakura was a bit scary when she was pissed off, but she wasn't brutal, either. Sending her friend a reassuring smile, she quickly walked over to the other side of the restaurant, where the bathrooms hid behind a wall. She was just about to round that wall when -
"The hell were you thinking, taking off your sweater like that? Are you mad?"
"I got your attention, didn't I?
"Yeah, well, next time don't be so extreme."
Sakura . . . Dread built up in the pit of her stomach, rumbling, growling. And Naruto?
Her head told her to turn back, but her aching heart forced her forward, and her entire body went cold when she caught sight of Sakura on her tiptoes, kissing Naruto.
Kissing him!
K . . . Kissing him . . .
Fireworks going off in her stomach and lights flashing through her mind, Hinata felt like she was the fourth of July. It was lunch time, and she was so excited and nervous and woozy for Naruto that she couldn't eat. Her face felt like it would have a permanent blush and her hands would not stop shaking. Is this what it felt like to get confessed to? Is this what Ino and Tenten and Sakura felt nearly every day?
Hinata could barely contain herself in one day - how the hell did they deal with this bubbling feeling?
Standing by the entrance to the dining area, Hinata waited as patiently as she could, but that was almost impossible. And when she saw blazing blond hair and dazzling blue eyes, all those emotions within her burst to her chest, and she swayed.
"Hey," Naruto called, standing in front of her, hands out and ready to catch her if she were to fall, "are you okay, Hinata?"
He looked so handsome - more so than usual. Was it just her imagination, or did he freshen up for her?
Gulping, she could only nod her head. Naruto grinned and took her hand and led her away from the cafeteria. She couldn't feel anything but that hand, warm and big and engulfing. They walked to a secluded stairway in the school, and Naruto rotated his shoulders and shifted his backpack into a one-arm hang. He looked flustered. Was he also nervous?
Standing there, wide-eyed, she watched him as he cleared his throat and began to dig through his backpack. "So, er, I know you get a lot of these," he began, eyes anywhere but her. "Actually, I've been kinda debating on whether or not I should even use a letter, y'know? But I figured . . . well, since it's you and all . . . ."
Clamping her hands together, Hinata felt like she was about to fly.
Dropping his bag, Naruto dragged out a pink envelope and shyly held it out to her. "So, u-um, here." He pushed it her way, and she grabbed it, trembling, staring; it was as if she had died and come back to life. Her heart was roaring in her ears. She couldn't believe this. It was finally happening. Naruto . . . he was actually -
"Can you give this to Sakura?"
...
Sakura.
Like the cherry blossoms.
Sakura.
Sparkling and smart and confident and wonderful.
Sakura.
The name he said so lovingly, so longingly, that it made the entire room - school - city - planet glow pink.
Sakura.
. . . Not Hinata.
Not Hinata, the quiet one, the shy one, the book one, the weird one.
Not Hinata the messenger, because . . . because . . .
Because messengers don't get letters.
...
"She'll . . . she'll love it, Naruto."
...
"Hinata, look at me."
A cool hand was under her chin, and she came back to the world with pink in her eyes, brain, being. She didn't see the black eyes, the concerned frown; all she saw was a glowing, pink world that she was never meant to have, to be a part of.
"Look at me."
She was. He was pink, too, that Sasuke.
She wasn't supposed to have pink things.
...
When he led her back to the rest of the group, they all looked two things: worried and guilty.
"Hinata," Tenten ran up to her and took hold of her shoulders, "I'm so sorry."
"You weren't supposed to see that," Ino said, pulling out the nearest chair so that she could see. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go."
She didn't sit down. She didn't move. All she could do was hear those words ring again and again through her ears. "You . . ." She saw them all, their folded faces and dark eyes, and realized that, once again, she was the one singled out, "y-you guys . . . knew?"
"Hinata," Shikamaru started.
That was all he had to say.
She couldn't . . . believe this.
Her eyes flashed to the side, where her cousin stood, looking angry and ashamed and every other fucking emotion that was swirling in her head and eating up the last of her sanity. What was this? Why did things go this way? They all knew about Naruto and Sakura and they didn't FUCKING tell her!?
"N-Neji," she cried, sobbed, grieved - whatever you wanted to call it. All she knew is that she was sick and tired of crying over him. "U-Um, can w-we g-go home, please?"
...
I'm so sorry Hinata! I never wanted to hurt you. I just didn't know what to say or how to say it. Please, talk to me! -Ino
1 missed call from Sasuke Uchiha
Sakura told me not to say anything. There must be a reason. Come on, Hinata, just talk to us. -Tenten
2 missed calls from Sasuke Uchiha
It wasn't to leave you in the dark. Everyone was trying to figure things out. Let's talk things through. -Shikamaru
4 missed calls from Sasuke Uchiha
I don't want it to happen again. What do I have to do to get you to text me back? -Kiba
7 missed calls from Sasuke Uchiha
I'll be where I always am. -Sasuke
...
Nothing - not a damn thing - ape shit - absolutely nothing -Sakura.
No surprise there.
What made her go to school, to the library, to Sasuke?
Hope.
Because she didn't want to be like how she was back then, during sophomore year, and hopefully he could pull her off the track she was following. Because Sasuke Uchiha was known for making his own roads, and, for once, she'd like to have her own road, too.
...
"Listen to me before you say anything."
She sat down and nodded her head, not one to say much, anyways.
Neither was Sasuke, but the fact that she was there in the first place was bizarre enough, so she was willing to let it slide.
He had his hands folded in front of his eyes as he peered at her, blank-faced.
"Text Sakura." She bit her lips together, a cry of protest vibrating on her tongue. "You should do it because I know Sakura - you know Sakura - and right now she thinks you want space and time to think. But all that will do is make what you're feeling worse, so get it out of the way and text her and tell her to meet up with you so you can talk." His eyes, she had just realized, had never looked at her for so long. Usually, he'd look away or focus on something else by now. Hinata supposed that when he was serious about something, he would put in all of his focus on it. That was so . . . him. "Tell Ino to join you if you must, but do it today."
What he had just did - talk with such strength and prowess - she couldn't do that. Not with how she was. Not with her shaky voice and shaky hands and shaky everything. He wanted her to talk to Sakura, and she knew she ought to, but the thing about talking is that you had to be good at it in order for anything to come out of it and she - well, she was never good at anything of that caliber.
"I-I-I can't," she said, head bowed as it always was.
Sasuke didn't blink. "Why not?"
"B-B-Because I'm not y-you."
"That's a good thing." Hinata gave him a questioning look, and he huffed. "If you were me, you'd scare her off and nothing would come from this."
At that, she remembered eighth grade, when Sakura had been at her lowest. She had been so angry at Sasuke for breaking up with her, yet too terrified to ask him why. Back then, Hinata couldn't quite understand that sentiment. She used to think that anger made it easier to talk to people - Neji used to only talk to her when he was angry. But now, she understood. She understood people better, Sasuke better - and though he was not a statue or a stone wall, he sometimes talked like one, and that was scary.
"B-But," she sputtered, pushing her thumbs together, "I-I'm n-no good. I a-always s-s-stutter and t-trip over my w-words and l-lose my t-train of thought. I-I can't . . . I-I-I don't -"
"Not all the time."
Huh?
He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. "You don't when you're reading poetry."
How did that . . .
"So read poetry. Make Sakura something by Poe and read her like a book." His lip quirked with something - something pink. It was so tempting, she almost reached out to grab it.
But she couldn't.
"I-I don't know, S-Sasuke."
The quirk disappeared, replaced by something more serious. Sasuke's gaze dropped, swam, bounced between reality and (not reality?), before returning to her with winter in his irises. "That day, when you read Frost to me in the classroom - I understood you perfectly." He drifted away, somehow - not physically, just . . . somehow. Like there was a part of him that wasn't there. "I've wanted you to do it again, ever since then. Because when you read poetry . . . ." The drifting stopped, and his eyes narrowed and focused on her. "So if I feel that way, so will Sakura."
Baffled, Hinata let his words sink in and calm her nerves. If that's how he saw things - saw her - then who was she to deny him? If he said she could do it, then -
Then she could.
She smiled, and pink came to him. It was warm and sparkling, not loud like Naruto's pink or dim and wafting like her father's pink. It was steady and present and reachable, and for the first time, Hinata truly felt like she could hold that pink in her hand and bring it close to her heart.
Sasuke Uchiha, she thought, a bit of her own pink coming to her face, I won't let you go.
...
Tonight, at McDonalds, I'd like to talk to both of you. -Hinata.
He'd taken her heart, her dignity, and thrown it to the side.
Twice.
The first time when he'd told her to grow her hair out.
The second time when he'd told her why.
...
Not her, directly, but she still heard.
And to put more gas to the fire, it was an hour after he had given her Sakura's letter.
"Naruto, you sure are smiley today." Down the hallway, he was talking to Shikamaru with the biggest smile on his face. Hinata watched them from behind a corner, face red and heart shivering, poetry book pressed against her chest. "What happened?"
"Good things. Great things!" He smacked Shikamaru on the back and laughed. "I did it - finally! I gave Hinata Sakura's letter."
Shikamaru flinched and rubbed his sore shoulder. "Congratulations."
"Thanks, man! I'm, like, totally nervous about this - but Hinata's my friend now and she'd never do anything to screw me over, so now it all comes down to Sakura's reaction."
Was . . . that what this was all about?
"You sound like you're using her, Naruto."
"Huh? Like hell I do! She's my friend and she's doing me a favor."
Shikamaru said nothing and frowned to himself.
Naruto took that as acceptance and smiled even wider. "Just wait - by tomorrow, I'll be dating Sakura! Can you believe that, man?"
"No."
"Neither can I!" A dreamy look came to his tan face. "It's kind of weird, y'know? How a guy like me and a girl like her . . . I mean, she's so beautiful, and look at me!" I'm looking, Naruto. "I'm a mess!" You're not, Naruto. "Like, how does that happen, you know? Cuz have you seen Sakura? Those eyes, that hair - God, it's so long and pretty, it makes me want to run my fingers through it."
"Hinata has long hair, too," Shikamaru pointed out.
"Yeah, well, every time I look at Hinata, she reminds me of Sakura -" What? "- and then it's just a never ending cycle. Sometimes, I forget I'm hanging out with Hinata and think she's Sakura instead."
R . . . Really?
"The hell?" Shikamaru scowled and smacked the blonde on the back of the head before looking over his shoulder, looking for someone who was already running miles away in her head. "That's messed up, Naruto."
...
She couldn't breathe.
She couldn't think.
She couldn't . . . believe it.
All she could do was walk and replay those words in her head once - twice - a thousand times until it was all that she could think about. She was so caught up in his voice and in his smile and in his betrayal that she hadn't noticed someone was in front of her until she literally bumped into him.
She fell back but caught herself before she landed on the floor.
"Oh," she mumbled, looking up, staring up at a cold, white face and stony eyes.
Sasuke Uchiha.
Naruto's friend.
Naruto's . . .
Eyes stinging, she turned away and began towards the parking lot, but then -
"Hey."
Hinata turned back to see him staring at her book.
"What's the name of that?"
Somehow, it felt like he was mocking her - because he was friends with Naruto and therefore had to know everything Naruto thought and felt and lied about - and for him to ask her that question was about as painful as him just full out insulting her altogether. Frustrated and just wanting to leave, she dropped the book and kicked it hard enough for it to slide to his feet before she turned around and stormed out of the school.
...
"Hinata." A knock came to her bedroom door, and she stared at it through the darkness. "Tenten's here."
She sighed as the door slowly creaked open, light spilling in from behind. Tenten's head peeked in before the rest of her body joined it. "Hinata," she whispered as she stepped in and closed the door behind her, "I got your text and brought my supplies. Do you want to do it here?"
Hinata nodded and uncurled her arms from around her knees to dangle her legs over the edge of her bed.
"Can I turn on a light?"
"S-Sure."
Within a second, the room lit up, and Hinata blinked her eyes rapidly to adjust them to the sudden brightness. Tenten walked over with a box full of hair supplies and placed them on the vanity by her bed. Humming, she ran her hands through Hinata's smooth, blue locks, eyes sharp and analyzing.
"How many inches?"
"A-As many a-as possible." Meaning: as many as the Hyuugas would allow.
Tenten nodded and draped a towel over her shoulders.
"Tell me everything."
...
So she did. With every excruciating detail from start to finish, Hinata told Tenten about Naruto between watery hiccups and mournful stutters. She watched bits of hair fall over her shoulders and felt a bit better when she couldn't feel that weight on her head anymore.
By the time she was finished with her story, Tenten was red with rage.
"That idiot!"
"T-Tenten . . ."
"Who does he think he is - huh!? Just because he's stupid doesn't mean he can do stupid things - especially things that drag YOU into them!"
A snip came dangerously close to her ear, and Hinata gulped. "T-Tenten, d-don't say anything to Ino or S-Sakura."
"What? Why the hell not!?"
"B-Because . . ." Because she knew the pain of wanting something and not getting it, and she didn't want Naruto to feel that pain any longer. "Because I-I g-gave Sakura the l-letter . . . a-and I don't w-want this to ruin h-his chances."
She didn't have to see her to know Tenten was frowning. "Hinata."
"Please, T-Tenten."
A pause followed by a few snips, and then a heavy sigh. "Fine."
"Th-Thank y-you, Tenten."
"No, Naruto should be thanking me! And you, for saving his ass!"
...
A few minutes later, Tenten was finished and Hinata was looking at her reflection. Uneasiness lifted off her shoulders upon no longer seeing long tresses cupping her face and hanging down her back. She thanked Tenten perhaps a million times, hugging her and crying in her apron.
In turn, Tenten laughed and patted her back.
"I'm just glad you're okay." Her brown eyes flashed to the door. "You know . . . Neji is freaking out because of all this. He's going to have grey hair in his twenties if you keep worrying him."
Hinata laughed, and behind the door came a manly screech. "I will NOT!"
...
The next day, when she went to the library in the early morning, she hadn't expected a familiar, black-covered book to be there, waiting for her. But it was, and she smiled and sat down and was glad that she could finally read it without any hair getting in the way.
In the McDonalds' parking lot, Neji cut the engine off and looked at Hinata, who was pale and sick in the passenger seat. "Are you sure about this?" he asked her for perhaps the tenth time that night.
No, but she knew she had to do this. Nodding weakly, she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door, slipping out. When she looked back, Nejiwas peering through the front of his car and into the restaurant looking for . . . someone.
Someone quite obvious.
"She's n-not here," Hinata said, smiling, following his gaze. "When w-will y-you ask her out?"
He frowned and turned red. "Tonight."
"What?" She wasn't expecting that. "R-Really?"
He gave her a look that told her that he was dead serious. Her smile turned into a grin. "W-Well, i-if you ever need h-help with that, I-I'm here."
He rolled his eyes, smirking. "Thanks, but no thanks." With the turn of his key, the engine roared to life, and his eyes glowed with confidence. "I'm no coward."
...
Her cousin wasn't, but she was.
So much so that it took her five minutes to collect enough confidence to just enter the McDonalds. Oh, Hinata, she thought, keeping her gaze on the floor in fear that if she looked up she'd see them, how are you going to get through tonight?
By the skin of her teeth, she was sure.
Taking in a deep breath, chest puffing up, she raised her chin -"Lift your chin, Hinata. If all they see in the top of your head, they won't take you seriously." - and marched down the aisle of booths until she came to the one that she and her friends would often sit at on nights like tonight - only with less stress and mistrust. She plopped herself down, praying to God she didn't look as nervous as she felt, and looked up to meet their gazes.
Across from her, Sakura and Naruto stared back, surprised.
"Thank y-you for meeting me."
...
After that, everything came crumbling down. Sakura was on her third large coke, Naruto wouldn't stop looking out the window, and Hinata felt like she was slipping. Come on! She mentally smacked herself. Think of something. What would Neji do?
Scare them away.
What would Hanabi do?
. . . Scare them away.
What would Tenten do!?
. . . Scare them away . . . nicely.
This is impossible. Her eyes fell, and she felt miserable. Sasuke was wrong, I can't do this.
Sasuke . . .
"L-Listen to me before you say anything."
And despite him telling her not to be like him, she did exactly that.
...
Sakura stopped her slurping and Naruto snapped his gaze away from the window. The full attention made her hot and nervous, but she swallowed, knowing she couldn't back down now.
"I-I'm s-sorry if this all s-seems sudden - I, u-um, know it's a bit sudden f-for me. But i-if w-we don't talk n-now, I-I don't think we ever will." Placing her hands on the table and gripping its edge, Hinata straightened her spine and said, "A-At the r-restaurant, I saw y-you two."
Sakura furrowed her brows, no shock in her bowed gaze, while Naruto's jaw practically fell to the ground.
"WHAT!?"
"Shut up, idiot!"
Hinata smiled sadly and continued. "I-It, um, s-startled m-me at first, a-and I was pretty h-hurt to see it - not b-because I s-still h-have feelings for N-Naruto." Her gaze slid his way, face as hot as the sun. She had wished her confession would have been . . . different, but there was no helping that now. "S-Still . . . m-meaning I, u-um, u-used to have feelings for y-you. For a l-long time, actually." His eyes were as wide as plates, and his ears burned with embarrassment. Stomach churning at the sight of him, Hinata focused back on Sakura. "I was h-hurt because I-I thought you would have a-at least told me first."
Green, glossy eyes finally met her gaze. "Hinata -"
"L-Last time w-we were here, I-Ino said that N-Naruto w-would go for anyone who gave h-him attention and had a p-pretty face. I-I, u-um, thought the s-same thing Sophomore year, a-and when we had b-become close, I thought that h-he w-would start liking me." She rubbed her shoulder, all the emotions from last year tumbling around in her stomach. "That never - um . . . w-well, happened. So I-I w-wondered what that s-said about me."
"H-Hinata -"
Naruto was cut off by a distressed Sakura, who held her hand out across the table, as if wanting to hold Hinata's hand. "Ino didn't mean it like that -"
"I-I know." Sitting back in the booth, she smiled at them, both of them. "I know now that the o-only face N-Naruto will ever go for i-is your face, Sakura."
They both froze, shock stretched across their faces.
After a minute of shifting and blushing, Sakura buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "I-I'm so sorry Hinata!" Naruto wrapped an arm around her, a guilty frown on his lips.
"Hinata." She'd never heard that voice before - from him, at least. But once upon a time, Sasuke used to sound like it all the time. Cold and gorgeous, like Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. "Sophomore year - I didn't think - I thought we were friends! I didn't - I - I never meant to hurt you."
And all she did was smile, because she knew. After a year, she'd finally realized that all this pain in her chest and hesitation in her head was not caused by malicious intent, but by a mistake. A simple, naive mistake.
And, as she was finding out, mistakes were pretty easy to fix once you found the cause of them.
...
Thirty minutes later, after a lot of tears and apologies and guilty looks, there were smiles and laughs as they chatted over a few burgers. It felt . . . good, and Hinata never thought that the chains around her heart would have disappeared. But they were gone and she was free to laugh and look to the future and -
Love.
"U-Um." Naruto's echoing laugh quieted as Sakura looked at her, smiling. "There's, u-um, something else."
"Go ahead," Sakura said, giggling as she took a small bite of her burger. "It can't be as bad as the roller coaster we just went through."
Heart skipping a beat, Hinata rubbed her hands together. Was this right? Should she be doing this now? But . . . she had just gone through a whole situation of bad communication, and she knew that if she wanted to know about Sakura and Naruto, then Sakura would want to know . . .
"I-I t-told you before that I'd tell you f-first if anything happened."
Naruto scarfed down a burger, totally oblivious to the sudden tension in the air. But Hinata felt it - and saw it there, in Sakura's eyes, which zoned in on her.
"Hinata." Her voice was low and shaky - a warning sign that Hinata ignored.
Because she could finally reach the pink, and she wasn't about to back down.
"I -" I'm sorry.
"I -" You've done nothing but help and encourage me.
"I -" But even the messenger deserves love.
"I like him!" And the world spilled out before her in colors and sounds and feelings. Fillings of a winter trek through the woods. Feelings of a day by the lake shared under a jacket. Feelings of a library where poems were confessions of the heart. Feelings of a roller coaster bringing hands together. Feelings for him, about him, with him. It was all there and clear and pink and bright, and Hinata had never felt so sure in her life.
"I like Sasuke."
...
The reaction was immediate. A pale face and swimming green eyes. Sakura shot up to her feet and slid out of the booth and ran - ran out of the restaurant and into the icy weather and away from her. Naruto called her name as he scooped up his jacket and followed her, leaving Hinata with three half-eaten burgers and teardrops on the table.
"How'd it go?"
She looked up from her book just in time to see him slide into the chair across from her, eyes never leaving her. The back of her neck burned, and she instantly tucked her head down.
"Y-You were right."
"I usually am."
It was quiet for a moment, a sort of stiffness in the air between them that Hinata had never really noticed until . . . just then. Was it because of what she said last night? Or had it always been there, ever since that day in the classroom - or even before that, in the hallway one year ago?
"Have you read it yet?"
She was five pages away and wondering why he was so stuck on her reading a poem she's read plenty of times before. "N-No."
Another pause. The stiffness was unbearable. How could she have not felt it before? Was she that blind, or had she just been ignoring it?
"Then -" Her eyes shot up at that tone, the one she's heard more than anything else. He wasn't looking at her, which only made her more nervous. "Then . . . at lunch today, can I meet you somewhere?"
This . . .
Was this . . .
Sasuke sighed and looked her way, face a bit pink. "I'll find you."
So caught up in everything, Hinata could only sit and stare in awe, never noticing her phone buzz in her backpack's pocket.
...
Hinata, you won't believe what Neji did last night! - Tenten.
...
This isn't like last time.
True to Sasuke's word, he had found her almost the second the bell for lunch rang, and he had taken both of them to beneath a flight of stairs in the back of school. It was all ringing bells in her head, and it took counting her breaths for Hinata to not pass out.
There's no way this is anything like last time.
Because Naruto was oblivious and naive and Sasuke was . . . not.
But even so, Hinata couldn't help feel like time was repeating itself.
Hands in his pockets, Sasuke stared up at the stairs above them, as if expecting someone to come barreling down them the second he tried . . . something. The anticipation was killing her as she wiggled in her spot, torn between glee and dread as her stomach did somersaults. When he finally looked down, she could see a crinkle between his brows as he slowly pulled a plain, white envelope out for her to see.
No name, no stickers, no design, just . . . there.
Because, she thought, hope rising in her chest, cheeks flaming up, it wouldn't need a name if it was for me.
He kept it to himself for a moment, frowning at it. She'd never seen such raw emotion on his face before, and it made her fingers tingle. Sasuke seemed to fight with himself, and then held it out to her, face red and eyes glaring down at the floor. "Here," he muttered shakily, "give this to her."
...
Her.
Her . . .
As in . . . not you.
As in . . . not her.
...
". . . The envelope ain't decorated with all that shit like the other ones were, so I kept it."
Tenten's voice echoed like a cannon through the walls, around the room, and Hinata couldn't hear anything else but that. Because . . . because the envelope was plain and white and Sasuke had listened to her at the park and looked at her leaving the cafeteria and was there when she had said that so - so . . .
So time was repeating itself, and Hinata should have seen the signs sooner.
...
"I-I-I-I'm sorry." The white envelope was crushed in her trembling grip as she bent her head forward and tried not to sob her heart out. "Sh-She's already taken."
"Hinata! Did you see my text? Neji, he - woah, Hinata!"
She held up the wrinkled, wet envelope, hiccuping as she said, "This i-is for you."
Tenten took it, eyes blazing. "Who did this to you!?"
Sasuke, the one who likes you, the one who wrote Confession Letter #219 for you. But she couldn't say any of that. She just bent over and let new tears coat her already wet cheeks. Her heart was broken and the world was shattering around her, dark and pinkless.
...
The club room was empty, but Hinata didn't mind it.
When your heart is being ripped out, you don't mind a lot of things.
"I-Is this what Shikamaru felt like that day?"
"Mmm, hard to tell." So maybe the room wasn't so empty, especially when a certain ex-president hid in the shadows with a crooked smirk on his face. "If you feel completely hopeless then . . . yeah, afraid so."
She glanced at him and squinted at the chess box wedged under his arm. He nodded his head to their usual desk, asking, "Want to go a round?"
...
Taking the Fanta he handed her, she screwed off the cap and took a sip, not really tasting anything, but still thankful that something cold was going down her burning throat. Shikamaru had taken the first turn, and she wasn't really paying attention and just moved one of her pawns up a square.
"Interesting move," he mused, chin in hand. "Usually, you go for your knights first."
She tried to smile at his efforts in cheering her up, but it was sort of hard to. It was like the corners of her mouth were made of steel and weighing down the rest of her lips.
He made a move, then her, and when it was back to him, he finally looked up from the board. "I have two guesses," he said, eyes boring into her. "Either it's Naruto and Sakura . . . or it's Sasuke. My money's on the latter."
She took another swig to distract herself from the sting in her eyes. "L-Looks l-like you're r-rich, Shikamaru."
He frowned and moved his queen. "Talk to me, Hinata."
Why did there have to be so much talking? She talked to Naruto and he used her to get to Sakura. She talked to Sakura and she stormed out of the McDonalds. She talked to Sasuke and -
Well . . . .
She just couldn't understand why talking seemed to make everything worse.
"H-He likes T-Tenten."
Shikamaru's eyes widened. "What?"
"H-He wrote her a letter and a-asked m-me to give it to her."
He looked like he didn't believe her. "Did you read it?"
She frowned. "Wh-Why would I read it - it's hers."
He bent back and wrapped his arms behind his head. "I'm just saying - you tend to assume things about the letter without actually reading it first." His eyes had a sparkle she could not understand as he leaned forward and made a move. "Not that it's really your fault."
"I-I don't understand." She moved her pope to take his queen, never taking her eyes off him, as if she'd miss something and not be able to read him. "H-How d-do you even know that?"
He raised a brow at her, leaned to the side to fish through his backpack, and threw an envelope on the board between their pieces. It was purple and had flowers at the bottom - and she thought she'd never see it again. She opened her mouth to speak, but he interrupted her. "Now remember what I said before," he said slowly, deeply. "I told you that I'd give this letter to her myself."
Himself . . . ?
Rubbing the back of his neck, he stood and took a few steps away from the desk. "I never told you why 220 is the most romantic number." Her fingers slowly reached out and took the envelope and pulled it to her as she traced the newly-added name on the front. "It's a bit mathematical, actually. See, not only does it contain two 2s, but when you add up all its divisibles, they sum up to 284, the Number of Angels." A bit of a laugh came his way. "Sure, I could have just done 284, but . . . I couldn't wait that long."
Over the edge of the envelope, she saw him staring at her, face pink.
"Do you get it, Hinata?"
Yes, she did, and she felt like she was flying.
...
"Sh-Shikamaru -"
He raised his hand. "Don't, Hinata. I already know." He slowly walked back to the desk, not sitting down or even looking at the board. "I've known since the day he came here, looking for you."
She folded her hands in her lap, feeling guilty and embarrassed.
When her phone buzzed twice and she had something to distract herself, she quickly reached for it and read the text notification.
Hinata, that letter you gave me was written for you.
WHO GAVE THAT TO YOU!? -Tenten
Gasping, she shot up, feeling unbalanced and dizzy and like she was floating. No way. Her eyes scanned the texts, rereading them as many times as she could. He actually -
Her eyes snapped to Shikamaru, who had a knowing smile as he sat down and leaned his jaw into his right hand. "Run, Hinata," he whispered, lips quivering at the corners. "He's waiting for you."
And when she did, the whole world was bright.
...
"SASUKE!"
She didn't think he'd be in the library after school, but he was, and she felt like the luckiest girl in the world. His head snapped up as he hunched over a black book, eyes wide and cheeks tinted red. She stood in front of him and caught her breath and tried, for the life of her, to calm her pulse because she could barely think over her pounding heart. She sucked in gallons of air, felt like her lungs would never recover, and said the most confusing thing in the world.
"Variation on the Word Sleep, 27 - 30."
"H-Hinata . . ."
"Do you know it like I do?"
Variation on the Word Sleep, 27 - 30.
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
Part III - End
A/N:
I'd like to take a few lines to thank everyone who so much as glanced at this fic, let alone the ones who were kind enough to leave a review. Due to my own timidity, I have not replied to anyone, but through my journey in writing this, I read your review diligently.
You all are very kind people who know how to reach an author's heart and give her a bit of encouragement.
I've been a part of this community for a while, and have only now finally gathered enough courage to post something myself. I never expected any of the feedback I have received. Thanking you all for taking time out of your day to read this fic. It really means the world to me.
I'd also like to announce that a sequel to She Holds The Cards is in the works. I plan for it to be a longer fic with the traditionally shorter chapters (meaning no more 12k word chapters … hopefully). It will be in both Hinata and Sasuke's perspectives as they go through the happenings of a new, young relationship.
Again, thank you for reading, and I hope you all stay safe out there.
-PianoCoat