THINGS WE LOST TO THE FIRE Chapter 7

Things we lost to the flame
Things we'll never see again
All that we've amassed
Sits before us, shattered into ash

These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire
These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire

Flames they licked the walls
Tenderly they turned to dust all that I adore

Years later, living alone in the woods with half a dozen dogs, questionable reading material, and crippling attachment issues, Sakura realizes she turned into her teacher. Agebent Sakura Sensei

Chapter Seven

Sakura let herself into the classroom, noticing the quiet that came from snack break. Half the kids were outside or somewhere else and those that remained indoors were not interested in chit chat. She recognized the young Nara boy asleep at his desk, too lazy to get up and go sleep under a tree.

She sauntered over to the teacher desk and grabbed a handful of work papers, flipping through the first few before eyeing Iruka with pity.

"They'll get there," he said with hope.

"Yeah, with a miracle." Sakura flipped around Shikamaru's paper and waved it up. "Lazy brat didn't even try. What's he doing wasting your time?"

"The proverbial horse and water problem."

"I guess that was one upside to the war. We learned the weight of our efforts right away. When we didn't do our best, bad things happened."

"But isn't that a good thing, that we're seeing this? It means peace."

Sakura snorted. "I say that often enough, please don't make me regret it."

"But that is largely the responsibility of the sensei once they graduate. We cover the basics here and then it is up to our betters to finish the work we started with those who have the potential."

"God help whoever gets some of these brats."

Sakura flipped a paper around with almost all incorrect answers and winced at the name. Naruto. Half of his answers were wrong only because he didn't stop to read the directions. She knew he could have answered the questions verbally if she asked them to him and he settled down enough to think it through. But Naruto didn't think.

"You're a saint, Iruka."

She found Sasuke and Sai's graded papers and hummed to herself. Sasuke had a perfect score again and Sai was mostly correct with a few she knew he missed on purpose to keep up appearances. He was well above the others, even Sasuke, but held himself back to watch over Naruto.

"You worried about your kids?"

Sakura looked up, cheeks dark with flush at Iruka's tone. He was grinning at her and his eyes were keen. He was teasing her.

"Do-don't call them that. They're just the brats I'm watching for now. This one tried knfing me in my sleep so don't think there's love lost between us," Sakura huffed. She waved Sai's paper.

"You're training them diligently at home. Naruto's physical test scores have greatly improved."

"I'll work on his written work at home. I thought meditation would be good if he needed to deepen his chakra stores but that brat doesn't need it."

"Meditation could also just help his focus."

"That's what I'm banking on. Otherwise there is no hope for that renegade. He'll just be a powerhouse than needs someone else to steer him. Dangerous implications if the one at the helm is scum."

"It's a hot topic who gets him when he graduates."

"I bet."

When Iruka didn't say anything else Sakura looked up and groaned. "No, don't."

Iruka pointed at her and then the class. "You pretend you hate kids but you're one of the best helpers I have in the classroom and they all look forward to your visits. Naruto adores you already, and he brags about you to the other kids all the time. You said it yourself, he needs someone trustworth who can help mentor him into an independent shinobi. And wherever Naruto goes Sai will go, that's..."

"A order from the top," Sakura groused. "Boy, I wonder why."

Iruka sighed. "He's a kid too, and he's plenty broken on his own. I don't think Naruto is the only one who needs someone to help mentor him. Sai has shown some improvements since he moved in with you, ya know?"

"Really?" Sakura didn't sound like she believed him.

"He was teasing some of the other kids."

"How is that an improvement?" Sakura gasped.

"It's Sai."

Sakura thought of it and begrudgingly admitted to herself that Sai interacting with anyone other than Naruto and then Sasuke was an improvement. He wasn't a normal kid, mostly because Danzo hadn't let him be one.

Sakura didn't know how long Sai had been in Danzo's shadow military group ROOT, but she suspected it was at least a couple of years. He had a specialized justu. Those took time to master with a still developing chakra network. It was one of the reasons why kids were shit at justu. The amount of chakra they needed one week might not be the amount needed the next week because they were still growing. It was also the reason Naruto was shit with everything.

"I'll help Naruto with this at home. We'll hold off on survival training for a bit until he can recite this by memory."

"You staying for the rest of the day?" Iruka asked.

"I can, why?"

Iruka grinned and Sakura hated how it never failed to make her gut do that flip flopping thing that she should have gotten used to by now. She could talk to Iruka normal, so why did his smile have to make her feel like a kid getting praised for the first time?

Honestly, she didn't want to feel the way she felt, but it wasn't something she could just will away or disperse with some logic or pep talk. There was really no reason for her butterflies and she hated herself for it. Why did she have to have a soft spot for idiots and softies? It didn't make any sense.

It was even more bizarre when she remembered how she used to dislike Iruka. He was about her age, maybe a little younger, but he idolized the Hokage who turned a blind eye to personal evils, and was soft when the world was on fire. He had become a teacher when everyone else their age was scrambling to put on a vest and kill enemy nin at their gates. She had worked so hard to be the best she could be and never slowed down while he stepped back and settled into a desk job helping kids.

Sakura had thought him a fool for the longest time.

She didn't anymore.

"I'll stay if you need help with something but don't think I have any spare lessons stored up my sleeve," she said.

"Well, today the sensei were going to demonstrate different taijutsu moves to the kids. I asked for some volunteers from the different clans and almost all of them...canceled at the last minute."

"Duh, what clan wants to share their secrets with the other clan kids?"

"It's not secrets, just taijutsu moves. The kids should be able to see some different styles on display. That's not a lot."

"Isn't that why I'm here?"

Iruka jumped but Sakura was used to it so she turned to glance over her shoulder and scowl. Shisui settled an arm across her shoulder and leaned on her heavily, grin wide and stretching.

"Shisui-" Sakura growled in warning.

"I'm your savior. You wanted a variety of styles, why don't you ask the kid with the eyes that has memorized all the styles. Just to piss the Hyuga off I'll even teach the kids some of that gentle fist shit too."

Sakura slapped him. "Don't cuss around the kids."

Shisui glaned backwards and looked at the classroom that was mostly empty. "They can't hear us here on this stand anyway. It's sealed."

"Get in the habit," Sakura snapped, eyes half lidded.

"So will you both stay to help?" Iruka asked, looking between the two of them.

"Yeah, what do you think senpai, your mighty fist and my gentle fist going toe to toe? It'll be a sight for sure." Shisui leaned into Sakura even more until their cheeks touched.

Sakura jabbed him in the rib and broke his hold on her shoulders. He whined but didn't move away from her.

"Don't act so familiar. I'll beat you to a pulp for real in front of your cousin."

"Can you catch me?"

"We'll see."

The bell rang and the students filed in. Sakura waited against the back wall with one foot propped up and her arms crossed. Shisui stood to her side, but when he tried to inch closer she would shot him a glare and he backed off for the most part.

She saw Naruto and Sasuke come in together along with most of her pack. Sai trailed in after them with Chainsaw trotting on his heels. Sai was the first to notice her but Sasuke was a quick second. Naruto was the loudest to notice her.

Sasuke, bless him, pinched Naruto's ear and dragged the boy up to their seats before he could embarrass them all further.

Iruka passed back papers and when Naruto tried to hide his Sakura caught his eye and shook her head. The boy went white and slumped in his seat. Sasuke snickered something and Naruto cried at him about how a genius 'wouldn't understand.'

In a few minutes the group had moved outside and Iruka was joined by another sensei with jaw length white hair. They explained what they would be doing to the two classes before setting seals down around the largest field.

"Why did they do this? I will explain it to you," Shino explained to Kiba. "This is to contain the damage to a manageable size. Messy jutsu will not extend beyond the boundaries."

"Very well put Shino kun. You already sound like a teacher," Sakura teased. It was hard to tell, but Shino appeared to preen from the compliment.

"I thought it was just sparring. Why they still have to do that?" Kiba huffed.

"That might be my fault," Sakura sighed. "I can get messy with just my fists."

Naruto laughed and it sounded like an expression of pure glee. He had bragged about her too much to not be anticipating the fight.

"What about your cousin?" Ino asked, sliding up to Sasuke. "Isn't he really impressive, too?"

Sasuke edged away from the pretty girl. "Not like my brother. Sakura can take him."

"Sasuke chan, how mean you are!" Shisui fake cried. "You don't even believe in me?"

Sasuke didn't even blink. "No."

"So these are going to be no chakra matches," Iruka called out. "I want you watching and studying their movements. It's pure observation today, a reward for all of you completing your tests."

The first pair out on the field were Iruka and the other teacher named Mizu-something. Over half the kids paid attention, but Sakura suspected that was only because they wanted to see their sensei get hit. They cheered too much when either one landed a hit.

"If there is no chakra that means no enhanced strength," Shisui whispered in her ear.

"And no Shunshin. What you gonna do without your body flicker?"

"You don't think I'm fast without it?"

Sakura grinned. "Not fast enough."

Sakura and Shisui took the field next and the change was immediately obvious in the students. Even the Nara kid was sitting up and watching.

Shisui called out his various styles and the two lightly spared, moves slowed down enough for the kids to see. It was all light taps and easy footwork.

"Now it's time for your personal styles!" Iruka called out.

Sakura packed up and across from her Shisui followed her into a respectful bow. They eased into their favorite stances and one of the dogs barked.

Even without his body flicker Shisui was a terror. It made sense why enemy nin would run from him at just the name drop. It was hard to land a hit and block what she couldn't move out of the way for, but when she did land something it was far more solid than his hits and they often sent him skidding.

It was dangerous for Sakura to get a single hit, because she set him off balance and caught him in a chain of attacks that he couldn't get out of until he was back in the dirt, her thighs around his arms, fist at his throat.

It should have ended there but Shisui flipped her and it turned into a grappling match. The kids were screaming wildly and Sakura couldn't help but laugh at their awkward flailing of limbs. Up until her tackle, they had been dead set on their personal victories, but once they tangled in the dirt it became too awkward to take seriously.

"You were using your damn sharingan?" she laughed.

His face was red under her. "I like watching you."

"You cheated, I win. Victory by default!"

Sakura stood up, getting off of him and raised her fist in the air. The kids went nuts for her and no one was hollering more energetically than Naruto. The kid was practically doing flips as he screamed out her name. Beside him Sasuke was smirking and clapping and even Sai applauded her victory.

Sakura's heart did that little flip thing again.

She turned around to help Shisui up and then poked between his eyes, chastising him about using his stupid red eyes in a zero chakra match. He set a bad example for the others and there were kids watching.

"You were really fast though, Shisui kun!" Ino cheered.

"I think you also did a pretty good job," Shikamaru offered before yawning. "I could stay awake for it after all."

"You're a wet blanket," Ino huffed.

Hinata watched Shisui keenly and nodded to him when he winked at her. She hadn't seemed very upset at how he showed off some of the moves her clan specialized in. Sakura didn't miss the way she blushed prettily.

"The kids just like me better, don't take it personally," Sakura told Shisui when even Sasuke told the older Uchiha he was a lackluster fighter.

"It wasn't the easiest to concentrate with your thighs around my face," Shisui grumbled, still red up to his ears. He glared sideways at her. "Did you know that?"

"You're a bit too open," Sakura laughed. "Sorry, I took advantage of you."

Shisui scratched the back of his head, ruffling already curly hair. "You never have to apologize for something so fun. I'm not complaining if you want to try that again, maybe at my place after-"

Sakura jabbed him in the neck with a fierce look that communicated how pissed she was at his language around kids. He coughed and waved her away, complaining that no one heard him so it was fine.

"I'll crush your windpipe next time."

"Kinky."

"Do you ever stop?"

He laughed and winked at her too, causing Sakura to shake her head and stop away to find Iruka.

Iruka was trying to quiet the kids down and the other sensei stepped in to help so Iruka could talk to the volunteers. There was still another half hour before school was out and they needed to pack up.

Sakura stopped Iruka and chastised him for not noticing the cut under his jaw. He tried to get away, complaining about how it was no big deal, but Sakura insisted. She ran a finger over it, glowing green, and the cut started to knit back together. Shisui watched with eyes so black they should have been red.

"You said you need something to entertain them for the next thirty minutes?" Shisui asked, voice lacking the teasing tilt.

"It's fine. We'll manage something," Iruka said with a casual smile.

"Then how about you spar the loser, since you won in your own spar, Iruka?"

Sakura narrowed her eyes at Shisui, searching for a reason his smile didn't match his voice. Something was off and didn't fit. He was in such a good mood only moments ago. Right before she-oh.

"Shisui," Sakura's voice was a warning.

"What? I think the kids would love to see it. Right, Iruka?"

"I don't mind." Iruka smiled at Shisui and then Sakura, soft and kind and completely oblivious to the steel inside of Shisui. "You'll take care of us if someone gets hurt, right?"

"Don't make me," Sakura grumbled. She glared openly at Shisui but he just smiled at her and held up two empty palms. Innocent as a lamb.

"I promise not to hurt him too much," he purred.

Sakura stalked off to sit with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai. Chainsaw came to lay in her lap and Mop whined behind her, wanting attention. She reached behind her to scratch his snout.

"You look nervous."

Oddly enough it was Shino who made the comment but Sasuke looked like he wanted to say it too.

"Ah, you know how shinobi are ranked, well Shisui's rank is way above Iruka's. The skills don't match. It's a very odd pairing and I'm hoping your sensei doesn't strain himself or get hurt."

"Shisui isn't that much of an idiot," Sasuke huffed. "He'll know to hold back."

"I know he will," Sakura hummed.

And Shisui did. Iruka didn't receive nearly any injuries, but that was mostly because Shisui made it into a game to mock the disparity of abilities between the two of them. He'd trip Iruka and make a face and then pretend to kick Iruk in the butt. Kiba was howling in laughter and so was Naruto. Everyone was enjoying it more like entertainment.

Iruka wasn't as skilled as Shisui. That was made painfully apparent to all the kids watching thanks to his demonstration. Shisui didn't even pretend to take the spar seriously.

Sakura reached behind her to Mop and whispered into his ear. His tail began to wag before she kissed him and set him loose. Mop bared his teeth and snarled, chasing after Shisui who screamed in protest about her cheating, but the kids loved it too much. They started to cheer for the rest of her dogs to go after Shisui, so Sakura let them.

The bell rang and the kids scattered.

Iruka tottered off the field, rubbing the side of his face and laughing at the teasing from his fellow sensei. Sakura overheard a bit of what the one was saying to Iruka.

"What did you do to piss off the Uchiha?"

She looked up when Shisui's shadow fell over all of them. He was grinning and holding out a hand to Sasuke. "Ready to head home Sasuke chan?"

Sasuke glowered. "Just because Itachi is out of the village you don't have to pick me up in his place. I can walk home on my own."

"Come on," Shisui whined. "I just kicked your sensei's butt, shouldn't that make me cool in your eyes or something? I'm cool."

"You're trying too hard. You've got no class," Sasuke muttered.

Sakura snorted and then rose to her feet. "Can't argue with that logic. Come on boys, looks like it is time to head home."

Naruto began to whine but Sakura pinned him with a look and he squeaked in surprise.

"Naruto, it looks like you have homework for the weekend. Iruka let me see your tests before passing them all back and there wasn't anything on there you wouldn't be able to get if asked verbally."

"I'm sorry, I'll do better next time!"

"Dobe, what did you get?" Before Naruto could protest Sasuke was already fishing the paper out and looking it over. Naruto gasped and reached for it but Sasuke rotated out of the way, completely avoiding Naruto.

"She's right, you know. This is all stuff you should have been able to answer. Come on, this was stuff we were talking about the other day. You know this!"

Naruto flushed red and looked like he wanted to cry. "I forgot, okay! I just wasn't having a good test day. I got nervous and forgot it all."

Sakura sighed and came up behind him, running her fingers through his hair. He dropped his eyes and wouldn't look up, but leaned into her touch. "I believe you," she said. "You should still work hard at these sort of things though so that you become more comfortable when the time comes. But once you graduate there will be very few tests on paper unless that's what you want to go into."

"Why do I even have to learn how to read this sort of seal work if I don't plan on ever using it?"

"Why wouldn't you use it?" she asked.

"Cause it's stupid."

Sakura hummed and fingered the design of a swirl on the back of his shirt. "That's so funny to hear you say that. I think your brain is a bit too hyperactive to make it a speciality, but you are a Uzumaki and that clan used to be world famous for their seal work before their downfall. I know it's something you can do."

Naruto pressed his face into her hip. "Th-the old man said that once too but I didn't believe him because I'm so bad at it. I thought he just said it to make me feel bad because he never says anything else about my old man or my mom or if I even had one."

Sakura met Sai's eyes over Naruto's head.

"Is that something you want to know more about?" Sakura asked. As far as she knew, there was no gag order on her talking about his mother. There was a clause that was BS in her opinion about protecting Naruto from his father's enemies that kept Sakura from telling him who his dad was, but not his mother….

"You pass this test when you retake it, I'll tell you one story about your mother."

Naruto pulled away from her. "Ehhhh! You know a story about my mom? Really, really? What was she like?"

Sakura flicked at his forehead and then ruffled his hair. "Study first, and then I'll try to piece together a story for you. It'll be a good one."

"You promise?" His eyes were as big as the sky and just as blue as he looked to her.

"I promise."

Sai came up behind Naruto. "I'll help you study too. You won't fail a second time."

"That would be pretty pathetic," Sasuke snickered.

"What did you say you bastard?" Naruto hollered.

"Naruto," Sakura chastised, grabbing him by the back of his shirt. "Manners, use them. Come on, let's walk back."

"We can walk with you part of the way, at least until we get to the compound. You know you should stop in for a dinner or something some time. I can cook, it's not just snacks I'm good at." Shisui walked with his hands behind his head, waving to a few kids as they moved out from the school's yard and into the street.

"Mother could cook for us," Sasuke muttered.

"Or that, auntie could cook for all of us but you know that means you have to ask her if that's okay to entertain that evening. You don't have to ask me cause I'm always alone and always willing." He leaned closer to Sakura. "What do you say?"

"I'll think about it."

"So cold."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "So dramatic. It's not a big deal."

Shisui hummed and they walked a little ways more before he said anything else. By then the boys had started to pull ahead and were barely in earshot.

"What if I invited Itachi? Would that make you want to come?"

Sakura sighed. "You're insufferable, you know that?"

Shisui hummed again, watching the kids pull even further away from them, accompanied by Sakura's various dogs.

"What about Iruka sensei? Would you come then?"

Sakura jabbed him in the side, hard enough to make him double over. None of the kids noticed or looked back, but Sakura stopped and glared down at Shisui's crumpled form. He wheezed a breath out and then partially straightened.

"You're being an ass," Sakura warned. "Don't talk like that."

"He doesn't even look like him that much," Shisui muttered, righting himself all the way but still holding onto his wounded side. He wouldn't meet her eyes but averted his gaze downwards.

Sakura felt something hot burn in her chest, like a heated knife. "What do you know about that?" Sakura hissed darkly. She took a step wards him, aura dark enough for killing intent.

"He's not the same guy and he's not worth it anyway," Shisui said and this time he didn't avert his eyes but met her gaze head on. "He doesn't deserve you if he hasn't noticed by now."

Sakura swallowed, hating how her voice was suddenly gone. She felt her throat fill with air like it was getting ready to brace for retching. She hated how hot she felt and how her brain kept going back to Iruka's soft smile and then flicker to Tenzō's goofy grin. Both boys smiling under the sun, chestnut hair blowing in the wind, both boys too soft and too good for her.

"You don't know anything."

"I'm sorry but I think I do, a-a little bit, just a bit. I-I'm not an idiot. I can tell you like him. I see these things happening right in front of me it's impossible to miss. He's as dense as a door jam but Iruka probably has noticed too. Based on past girlfriends you're not his type so why bother holding out hope? You shouldn't 'cause he doesn't deserve it. He's a fool that doesn't know better."

"Stop."

"No. It's not fair! He's not worked nearly as hard or sacrificed as much but he still gets you to look at him like that. But he doesn't even appreciate it. He won the jackpot and he doesn't even want to put in the effort to try and be-"

Shisui's words cut off and he looked away like he had seen something terrible or said something terrible. He started to walk, head bent and fists shoved deep into his pockets.

Sakura took a few steps and then stopped. She exhaled and then covered the remaining distance between them. She grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back so he faced her.

"You. Don't. Know. Anything."

Shisui's eyes were red rimmed and glossy, but not in a way she was used to seeing. "Yeah," he whispered, agreeing with her. "I guess I don't."

Sakura didn't sleep well that night at all. She woke up gasping and clawing through her bed sheets with only one good arm. When she realized what had happened and where she broke down and sobbed into her pillows so no one could hear her. Waffles climbed up onto the bed and laid down over Sakura, curling around her like old times.

The large black dog whined low and licked away Sakura's tears and Sakura could hear the words in her head about it being okay and everything was alright.

"I'm stupid," Sakura whispered into the wolf's fur. "I'm so stupid."

Waffles nipped at Sakura as if to say 'you're not stupid, stupid.'

"I was stupid enough to act like a fool around Iruka at least. I was stupid to mix them up in my head. I was stupid to think I-that after Tenzō I deserved it. Stupid."

Waffles bit Sakura's ear and then aggressively nuzzle into her.

Nights were the worst, Sakura decided. When the sky was dark and the world grew still it was then that the ghosts in her heart could rise up and finally be heard. All her doubts and fears seemed so much louder at night when she was alone. If she hadn't had Waffles with her it would be that much worse.

"I'm sorry, thank you."

Waffles nuzzled aggressively once more.

Sakura reached up and ran her fingers into the thickness of Waffles' coat. It was warm even though the window was cracked open and the breeze coming in was cool.

"You would think that by now these sort of dreams get easier to live with, so why do they seem to grow worse with age?"

It was hard to, but Sakura wiggled out from underneath Waffles, who whined about it, and made her way into the bathroom. She reached instinctively with her missing hand for the door, but she had taken the prosthetic off so she had to manage with just one arm.

Sakura ran the water and washed her face as best as she could and then she made herself a drink to sip by herself in the kitchen.

"I wonder how often Kakashi sensei had to make himself a nightcap to sleep through the night?" she murmured out loud.

There was no one to see so Sakura perched on the edge of the counter and sipped her drink from an inconspicuous mug. It took forever for her to feel a buzz, but she wasn't drinking to drown herself. She just wanted a little something to make the edges of her dreams not so sharp.

She felt the warmth in her stomach roll like a small ocean even though she was in shorts and a tank top. Her toes should have stung from the cold but she still felt warm.

She wanted to think of sensei.

Sakura poured herself another drink.

She had known Kakashi since she was tiny. Her parents were away for years because she thought they were fighting somewhere, but they were really just dead somewhere, decomposing into bones while she was left alone in an empty home. No one kicked her out because the mortgage was all paid and no one came to collect her because everyone had more important things to do and they all believed her parents were coming back...eventually.

Sakura trained with Rin under Tsunade for a short while. Where Rin went so did Obito and after a beat, also Kakashi. Sakura had been smitten instantly with his summons and pestered him endlessly for their appearance.

One thing led to another and she just sort of made herself the team's side kick.

Then they all died.

Just like that.

Oh. Not Kakashi.

Kakashi came back with a body that still worked.

No. Kakashi died too, just in a different way.

Sakura poured herself another glass and thought of Tenzō. She wanted to think of him now.

Kakashi was recovering in his own way, with unhealthy habits they said. He was assigned a team to help-no, because he was supposed to help. No one was trying to help Kakashi.

"Remember it all right," Sakura said to herself out loud, head lolling on her shoulder. She was stern with herself, shaking her finger in the air like it would help her remember all the details the right way.

Hana had a family and a clan and a home. She was so nice and pretty. Sakura remembered looking up to Hana who was so confident and strong. She wasn't a healer like Rin was, but she was strong in a new way, in a different way. Sakura wanted to be like that too.

Tenzō was…

Sakura poured herself another drink.

Sakura hated Tenzō. So what if he was also an orphan? So what if his past was terrible? He smiled funny and tried to get to know her even though Kakashi actually took him home and gave the kid a room, even though Sakura had known Kakashi sensei so much longer, even though she also was alone.

Stupid smiling Tenzō who seemed to ready to give his life for his teammates in a way too much like another smiling ninja. When Kakashi looked at Tenzō, did he see Obito too? Is that why Kakashi adopted Tenzō and not her?

"I like you, Sakura chan. Please go out with me, please."

She had said no and told him not to bring it up again. He had smiled and said 'okay, thank you for listening to me.' And then he told her to keep the flowers anyway. Stupid. Like he knew she couldn't be mean to the flowers.

Sakura poured another drink. The bottle was empty after that so she left it in the sink.

The edges of her memories were fuzzy and didn't hurt so much anymore.

Tenzō saving her, buying her more gifts and leaving them at her door when she refused to take them. Tenzō asking her out on dates and then finally winning them from her in bets she lost horribly, because of course she had Tsunade's luck wherever she was in the world now.

And like the foundation of a house is built stone by stone by stone, Tenzō built for himself a place inside her heart, stone by stone, by stone until she couldn't help it anymore.

"Id-idiot, why are you crying? I just agreed to be your girlfriend, you shouldn't be sobbing!"

"I-I'm sorry Sakura chan, you just made me really happy!"

Sakura reached to pour herself another drink but there was nothing left. She stared numbly into the sink where the glass reflected a picture of herself back. She could see the tear stains but couldn't feel them on her face.

She hadn't even gotten to the worst memories, like when she lost her arm and thought he should just leave her because, 'what's the use dating a girl with no left arm?'

She remembered those days too well. She had been horrible to him, throwing whatever she could get her hand on and screaming terrible words at him. She hated how he still looked at her like he loved her because that didn't make any sense. Even if he thought he did love her it would all change later on when he realized how much of an idiot he was. He was an idiot. Idiot! He didn't know he wasn't supposed to love something ugly and broken like her. Idiot!

He hadn't let her wallow, and worked like a dog to make something for her. And he wasn't the only one. Hana gave her a black puppy and even Kakashi promised her the next dog from his litter. The set the furniture back up and took down the mirrors until she was ready for them again. Her house was empty, but she still had a family.

She felt the chakra like a mistake and looked up suddenly.

Sai was in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her. There wasn't a kunai in his hand this time. He had tried to attack her in her sleep once or twice and she had laughed at his efforts because he always gave up when she asked him how he thought Naruto would feel.

He said he didn't trust her, but Sakura knew he wasn't really trying when Danzo fed him assassination missions.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

Sakura reached up with her only hand and touched the wet places on her face. There were tears on her fingers when she pulled away. It hadn't been a mistake she saw in her reflection.

"I was thinking about my family. I miss them," she answered honestly. "Why are you awake?"

"I haven't been ordered to kill you, if that's what you think."

Sakura smirked. "This time."

Sai didn't ruffle like he had in the past at her words. He just watched her. Then, "Why do you miss them?"

Sakura laughed and then picked up her mug like she was going to toast him. "That's the question, ain't it, kid? Why indeed? I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you why my soul feels these things and why I'm awake drinking booze when I should be in bed resting. None of this is healthy for me and I should know better, but I don't, because I'm here."

"Are you drunk?"

She snorted. "Hardly." Then she grinned. "Wanna try killing me anyway? I think Danzo would appreciate it. He would praise you."

"I don't do what he tells me to because I want to be praised," Sai answered as he walked into the room and sniffed at the bottle in the sink. His nose wrinkled at the smell.

"You're too young and I don't have any left to share," Sakura hummed.

"I wasn't going to ask for any."

"Suuuuure."

Sakura let her eyes flutter closed and she thought somewhere inside her head that she shouldn't look so defenseless in front of a kid who probably had passive orders to kill her from Danzo.

"You're drunk," Sai said, sounding like he had just decided the fact for himself. "Tell me something."

"I can still lie, don't think I have to automatically be honest with all your questions." Sakura didn't open her eyes though.

"What do you want to do to Naruto? Why do you want him?"

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you," Sakura sang. In her head she sounded sultry like a nightclub singer and that made her giggle because she was no nightclub singer. Funny.

"What do you want with him?"

Sakura opened her eyes enough to see. She pushed herself off the counter and stumbled into the living room. It was more because she was tired and less because of the drink, but she knocked a picture over and then curse at it before fumbling to set it upright. She then pulled open a drawer and withdrew an album.

Sakura hummed to herself, sucking on the edge of her lip as she flipped through the book with only one hand. She had to double back once or twice but she found the photo after a while.

On the page there was a photo with her and Kakashi's silly, blond sensei and his wife. There was another photo of Rin and Obito, and another with just Kushina Uzumaki grinning at the camera and popping out her barely pregnant belly. Her husband was making a face in the background.

Sakura felt Sai settle down next to her, felt him holding his breath, felt him hesitate to believe what he was seeing.

"A part of my family."

Sakura pointed to the people and told Sai that they were all celebrating the news that Kushina was pregnant. It was a party for her, even though she wasn't even showing yet.

"She was so tiny for the longest time and then, boom, she just swelled up all over and there was a little mini Naruto growing inside of her and everyone was afraid that her son would have her temper. But Naruto just has all her energy and...yeah...a little of her temper too. You only see it with Sasuke though."

"That's where Naruto came from?"

Sakura yawned beside him. "Yeah. I can't tell him about his dad though, so shhhhh, but that's a gag order. It's a stupid gag order because it doesn't make sense. When Naruto becomes an adult though I can tell him, because the law is just for minors. When Naruto graduates I'll tell him all about his amazing dad."

Sakura pulled one of the photos out. It was one of just Kushina Uzumaki sitting in a seat and smiling up at the camera, looking too cute for someone who was going to die in a year's time.

"I can show him this one."

"She smiles like you."

Sakura snorted and almost laughed. "I don't smile."

Sai looked up from the photo at her. "You don't notice it, and maybe your mouths are shaped different, but you smile like her sometimes, when you don't think anyone is there to notice." He was quiet for a moment and then he added, "I noticed."

"I hope I get to see you smile sometime soon."

Sakura reached out for Sai and pulled him into a hug, he didn't protest even when she nuzzled into him the same way Waffles nuzzled into her. He didn't even protest when she kissed his forehead.

"Go back to bed and get your rest."

Sai pulled away and wiped at the spot where she kissed him with the back of his wrist. He didn't say anything, but considering he didn't try and kill her when he saw the opening for it, that was progress.

Sakura felt lighter going back to bed, and she was almost sure it wasn't because of the booze.

Huh.

AN:/ So there, you can be sad now that you know a little bit of her past. It's not everything, but it's enough to help you understand her character a bit more, I hope.

Also more Shisui drama. I love that kid and he's such a fun character to write. He's not very Uchiha like but that's what makes it fun, right? We'll see more of him in later chapters dealing with all his feelings. He knows about Sakura's previous relationship with Tenzo and how that ended, so he's made the connect between Sakura's crush on Iruka and her inability to move on from past traumas. Shisui, however, is still a kid (teenager) and kids do stupid stuff and say stupid things. They all have some things to learn.

And yeah, I have a feeling Sai as a kid would just never really trust anyone after going through Root levels of brainwashing, so he's not going to come right out and be buddy buddy with Sakura, but little by little she's doing some stuff to win him over and maybe that'll be enough. Maybe not.

Two more chapters before this story ends. I split up this chapter into two parts actually because it was close to 14K and it was just a bit much with too many things going on. I have to rework the pace of the last two chapters a bit more to make sure everything that needs to be said is said. I'm glad I had some extra time this week.

Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing so far. It's been so refreshing to hear that I'm doing this jaded version of Sakura some justice and the kids don't come off too stiff or unrealistic. I really appreciate all the support so far. Thank you.