CHANGES

Chapter 30

Sasuke was out of it for a while. A whole week, in fact. If he wasn't asleep he was awake in a fit of delirium, and even one time lashed out at Naruto, thinking he was an agent of Sand. Fevers came and went, but those only lasted a few days. When they went away he was able to sleep soundly, and that took him all the way until the end of Sunday. Hinata was at his side a lot and took every moment she could to see him.

Her father allowed her to do this. Even though he had been more than preoccupied during the attack on Konoha just last week, he had not forgotten about her. In his own way he expressed relief to know she was okay, and when a report came to him later of all she had done, he seemed impressed. Her leg had taken time to heal, which is why he let her off easier than usual, but then again with Konoha in such disrepair his attentions were much needed elsewhere. Hinata liked things that way.

Besides Naruto and Kakashi, Sakura came to see Sasuke quite often. Ino would have too, but her own teammates had been injured and so she took the extra time to see them. Sakura wasn't exactly sweet to Hinata whenever they met at the hospital, but she wasn't vicious either. In fact she was appreciative of Hinata's help. Naruto had expelled every single detail about what happened to them during the tournament. Even though Sakura was abysmally jealous, she couldn't find herself to be less than grateful to the girl who'd saved Sasuke's life.

"I know I don't sound sincere," Sakura had said to Hinata one day on their way out of Sasuke's room, "but I am. Naruto told me everything. I know I wouldn't have been half as useful. It's no wonder . . . never mind." She'd given Hinata a sad smile and walked off. That bothered Hinata a little bit. Made her think about things. She had taken time away from the hospital and home and her teammates to go wandering through the training grounds. Out of all the areas in Konoha it was probably the one to recieve the least amount of damage.

There—alone— she was able to think. She thought about Naruto, how she had loved him. Love . . . that was the word. Gaara placed that name to it, though he had been talking about someone else. Admiration eventually turns to love if it's not contained, then? Confusing . . . It was all so confusing. That admiration for Naruto was still there. In fact she admired him more than ever, but something was very different. That urge to lunch with him, to be with him, to impress him . . . They weren't there anymore.

That is to say those feelings were still present. They were all things she felt toward Sasuke. For some reason it was embarrassing thinking of it as love, but at the same time it was entirely appropriate. "I still don't get it," she whispered under the wind. It was cloudy this morning, crisp with the promise of rain. It conjured a tragic setting upon the shambles of Konoha, but Hinata wasn't unhappy. She was elated. Why was she so happy? The wicked fluttering in her belly, the scorching of her earlobes, the thumping of her heart, all of it she loved.

When she thought of everything that had happened in the past year, how Sasuke used to stare at her without her knowing, how they first had lunch together on the roof, and all the times he'd kissed her, she wanted to roll over and die. In a good way. It was such a hard thing to describe. She wondered if Sakura was ever this confused about Sasuke. And what about all the other girls that liked him?

No . . . it was different. Those shallow affections were not hers. If it was possible to keep being at Sasuke's side, she wanted that. No matter what. She wanted things for him: happiness, friendship, love, strength, support . . . Naruto was the only one she had ever wanted anything for, but with Sasuke it was so much stronger. Not only because she wanted him to be happy, but because she wanted to be the one to give it to him. But that was the thing. How could she do that? It was presumptuous to think she could do anything but help him train, but . . . If he let her, she would try.

It was good fortune that it only started raining after she made it to the hospital. Ino was just making her way out when she arrived. "Oh, hey there Hinata," she said cheerily. Her hair was done in small bun, but Hinata could see she had cut it. And she dressed different, like more of a ninja. There was a bundle of flowers in her hand, beautiful and fresh, picked right from the outskirts of the summit for her grandmother's shop, probably. "Not surprised to see you here." She picked a lovely flower from the bunch. "Take this, would you? I wanted to give it to Sasuke, but Sakura's always in the way." Hinata took it. "How's your leg?"

"Fine," Hinata said amiably. "Thank you. Were you hurt?"

"Not even a little," Ino replied proudly. "Nothing a little sleep and sunshine couldn't fix. Well, I'm off. Gotta help my grandma fix her shop. Half of it got wrecked by the invasion. School's out for another month or so until the village gets back on its feet, but I could really use a vacation if you ask me. Oh, you don't have an umbrella huh? Take this. I brought an extra one for Billboard-brow, but she has one already. See ya!"

"Oh, um, bye." Hinata stared after her in a wonder, holding the umbrella in one hand and the flower in the other. She's really changed! She thought. Sakura changed too. It was scary how fast time passed. Hinata was thirteen already, going on fourteen soon. When things were back on track she suspected her father would be testing her against Hanabi, who's birthday was only five weeks from now. It was a day she dreaded, but not so much anymore. After all she had been through she felt like she could do anything. It was the prospect of hurting her little sister that bothered her most, but she put those worries aside for now.

When she reached Sasuke's room she could hear voices. Sasuke was awake! He was up and talking with Sakura. Hinata thought about dropping in for just a second to leave the flower, but she couldn't find herself to enter. Something about the way Sakura was talking . . . bothered her. She didn't mean to listen.

"Look at you, your face is still all beat up." Sakura giggled.

"Don't touch me," Sasuke sighed.

"Still the same old Sasuke. Have you talked with Kakashi-sensei yet?"

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing."

"I doubt that. Naruto can't stop talking about what happened. You two are lucky to be alive, you know that? You two are reckless, and it worries me. It worries Kakashi-sensei too."

"Not really my top concern." Sakura sighed lightly, but there was no impatience there. She was happy. Every beat in her tone said so.

"Anyway, I'm glad it's all over. I don't know what they'll do about the chunin exams, but with the village in such bad shape I guess it'll take time for a new test. We could all use a break, you know? Though Naruto's hopping around like a regular springtime bunny. It really doesn't take any time for him to recover."

"Where is he now?"

"With Iruka-sensei, I think. He said something about helping repair the village, and after that they'll probably get something to eat. That means it's just you and me all day!" Sasuke hmphed and she laughed.

"Well, unless . . . oh never mind. So are you excited things will finally be returning to normal?"

"What?"

"You know, we're getting the old team back. Naruto is still annoying as ever, but he's one of the trio. I miss it when it was just the three of us, if you can believe that. We all need to look out for each other." Sasuke was silent for a moment.

"I just want to get back to training. I've never been held up this long before. It gets to me. If Naruto's out already I should be too."

"There you go!" Sakura let out a long breath. "Why am I not surprised? It's only been a week, Sasuke. You should take some time to relax once in a while. You're not a machine."

"Neither is Naruto, but I don't see you fawning over him every hour of the week."

"Oh who cares? What did the nurse say? You look healthy already, so you should be able to leave soon, right? Kakashi said you'd be back on your feet in no time."

"No time is too long, apparently. Trust me, I'll be out of here soon."

"Well . . ." Sakura's voice turned mischievous, "why not right now? Let's sneak out and get some fresh air—it'll be fun! Remember your birthday? It's raining, but I brought a big enough umbrella for the two of us."

"No."

"Why not?" There was a pout in her voice. "Didn't you just say you wanted to leave?"

"Mind your own business," Sasuke said sharply. "Thanks for checking up on me and everything, but I'm not a baby. You don't have to sit here and hold my hand."

"No! I'm not . . . that's . . ." she sighed loudly. A quiet moment passed between them until Sakura spoke again. "You won't do it because you're waiting for Hinata, right?" Sasuke gave no answer. "I know you are. You keep looking at the door." Sasuke gave no comprehensible answer; only a soft and miserable breath rushed from his nostrils. "You two spent a lot of time together in the forest, didn't you? You probably liked that. After all, you always spent more time with her than your own team. I don't get it, Sasuke."

"When did you start calling me Sasuke?" he said with no feeling.

"I'm your teammate!" she whined. "I've been your teammate forever."

"It hasn't even been two years."

"Don't you care about us?" she demanded. It was as close to angry as she had ever been with Sasuke. "About me? I went to your apartment to clean up and saw the album on your desk. You have to care. You've changed, you know that?"

"So I used to be soft, huh?"

"That's not what I meant. Whatever happened to you in the forest, that curse mark or whatever it is, it changed you. It's like you're completely shut off. Naruto said you even attacked Kakashi-sensei."

"I was delirious."

"And what about now? When you and Naruto passed the test and I didn't, I was really depressed. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you two, so while you were gone I trained as hard as I could. Ino was the only one who would go with me, but I was alone a lot too. I've been trying. I was hoping . . . I don't know. I guess I was hoping I could finally get you to look at me. Remember when I said I loved you? I . . . I meant that."

"Sakura . . ." There was a tiny slip in his tone. "I'm sorry. You're my teammate. I don't need anything else from you, and I don't know what you expect me to give. I'm an avenger. I will never love a woman more than my family."

"But Sasuke," she said in a tiny voice, "your family can't love you back anymore."

Hinata left the flower on the wall, tucked in the patient information clipboard. As much as she ached to talk to Sasuke, she didn't know if she could. Not now.

As she left she heard Sasuke say in a hard voice, "Sakura . . . you need to leave." It took her a minute, but she did. By that time Hinata was nowhere in sight.

For the first time in what seemed like ages Hinata went home when she wasn't needed. She had no recollection of traveling the way back—it's just where she ended up. Neji was in the courtyard training with the wooden dummies. He didn't seem to be putting much effort into it. When Hinata approached he stopped immediately, wiping the sweat from his neck with a towel. It was very strange for her to see him in anything other than his beige vest, as he wore a Hyuga crested blazer. His hair was done back as well, which was out of the ordinary for him.

Nii-san is changing too, she thought numbly. He's taller. "Hinata-sama," he said in a short breath. "I didn't expect you home so soon. Is the Uchiha awake yet?"

"Yes," she said. "He's with his teammates now."

"I see," he replied, picking up a few weapons. "They have a lot to discuss. I wouldn't be surprised if they held him up all day tomorrow too. If he were he to be discharged today, that is."

"I think I should spend some time with my teammates too," she said thoughtfully. Her eyes began to roam. It was raining a good deal now, clouding the village in its torrent. After everything that had happened it was a refreshing thing to see. The dummy field was protected by a shelter, so there was no need to use the umbrella Ino had given her.

"Have you spent much time with them in the past week?" Neji asked her. For some reason Hinata was stricken by how directly he looked into her eyes when he spoke. It was something she had never noticed before, but maybe that's because she could never meet his gaze for long.

"A little," she said. "I went to lunch with Kiba-san and Shino-san to thank them for their help. I would never have been able to pass the first test without them."

"I was surprised Shino-san didn't pass," Neji said. "His IQ is supposed to be impressive. And I hear Shikamaru Nara from your class actually trumped my national test score. Rumor has it that he failed the test on purpose after figuring out the plot behind it." He grinned at that. "And he made it to the academy early, from what I understand. Your class really is full of interesting recruits."

"That's what they said about you, Nii-san," she giggled.

"I was the only interesting recruit. Lee was a close second. Are you hungry? You barely touch your dinner anymore and I keep missing you at breakfast. Have you been training?"

"Not with the village in such a state," she replied. "I try to help where I can before I go off to visit the hospital. I would help here too, but the estate is in much better condition than the rest of Konoha."

"We protect ours. It was unthinkable that Sand could overtake the estate. Not with your father here." Yes, Hiashi was a lot of things, but one thing he wasn't was a slouch. Honor was his life source, and Hinata knew he would have rather died than see the estate overtaken. In that way it was comforting to have him as the head of house. She used to wonder if there was an heir out there capable of assuming such a title. Besides Neji, that is.

"Nii-san?" She twisted her fingers together and immediately dropped them. "Did you ever hate being called 'big brother'?" His raised an eyebrow at her.

"When you call me 'nii-san?' Yes, I did hate it." She frowned.

"But you never asked to be called anything else."

"What grounds did I have to request such a thing? It seemed too petty to bother with anyway."

"And do you hate calling me sama?"

"Hinata-sa—why are you asking me this? Did something happen when you went to visit the Uchiha?"

"I don't know . . ." She looked down in thought. "I've been confused recently. My placement duel with Hinabi will be soon, won't it? Has she been training hard?" That question made him narrow his eyes. He looked out over the courtyard where the rain was forming a pond.

"Hiashi-sama always makes time to train her."

"That's good," Hinata said reflexively, and Neji snapped his head towards her.

"What?"

"I do not want her to be weak like I was. I want her to defend herself with honor when we fight." Surprisingly Neji chuckled. It startled her. She had so rarely seen him smile, and never at her directly.

"You speak as if she has no chance of winning."

"Ah—huh? No, I didn't mean it like that!"

He laughed. More shocking. "You've changed, Hinata-sama." Her eyes grew at the remark.

"I have?"

"I have watched over you since I was four years old. I would know. It's not a bad thing." He took her umbrella without thinking, carrying it for her as they approached the door. "You do know that if you fail the placement duel we will be of the same rank?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation.

"That might be interesting. I would not have to call you Hinata-sama anymore. That's something I hadn't considered until just now."

"Oh," Hinata said, smiling unexpectedly. "Neither have I."

Kurenai-sensei had been waiting for Hinata to arrive at the southwest watchtower with Shino and Kiba. They could see the hospital from where they were, and the iron skeletons being built around it to support the rooftops destroyed during the invasion. Even though the academy was closed, teams were still meeting together for progress reports and even new missions. For Hinata and her team it was a new mission.

"I'll be honest with all of you," Kurenai said, waving the packet in her hand. "Konoha's in a real fix right now, and I don't just mean physically."

"You're talking about money," Shino said from behind his collar.

"That's right, Shino. Finance. Rebuilding Konoha is going to cost a few arms and legs, and we're going to need assistance from other countries. The Hokage wants the lower level teams to do some traveling to help raise funds for this cause. And remember it's not just for repairs, but medical assistance, supplies, and of course food. A lot of our livestock were killed by snakes and fires, and that goes for our farmlands too. All of it is going to need replenishing."

"Why can't the Hokage just send some letters?" Kiba said, sneaking Akamaru a piece of jerkey.

"It's better to do things like this in person," said Kurenai. "Charm and eye contact go a long way. You guys still have a lot to learn. Scouts have been sent out already in search of any Sand agents, so when they report back we'll be ready and on our way. Pack tonight just in case."

Hinata hadn't been expecting a mission. It distressed her greatly to know she'd be leaving Sasuke after such a difficult time. All teams that were able enough to travel now had jobs to do, and would be sent with their senseis in all directions away from Konoha. Ino's team needed more time to recover before shipping off. That went for Sasuke's team as well.

In other words it was perfect incentive to talk to Sasuke. Instead of going to the hospital after the meeting, however, she went home. That night she packed, and the day afterwards trained with Neji, who had an assignment with his team in Rain in two days time. The day after that it was another meeting with Kurenai. Hinata left bright and early the morning after in preparation for Waterfall, which was far northwest just outside of Fire Country.

She never got the chance to talk to Sasuke. She didn't even know if he'd been discharged, but she assumed he must have been. The mission took them three weeks, and another week to travel back. They hadn't raised much money, but did succeed in getting contracts from rice and grain merchants who promised to be peddling their wares in Konoha as soon as they could. With a few favors and drudgework they managed to clear a safe and accessible path for them travel back and forth, and secured an alliance with a few other merchants in the process. It was a good mission, but probably one of the most taxing and tedious they had ever done.

When they arrived in Konoha Hinata immediately went off to unpack and rest. The very next morning she found herself at the training grounds. One more week until the placement duel and she needed to be ready. Nii-san hadn't arrived from Rain yet, and wasn't there to train her. It wasn't her intention to drag other people into her family matters, which is why she didn't ask Shino or Kiba to train. Surely they both had things they'd rather be doing after such a long mission.

"How did I know I'd find you here?" Hinata's heart nearly flew from her mouth. Sasuke approached her from the hill, hands in his pockets, black eyes staring. He looked so much healthier than when she'd last seen him. It was so good to see him. That's why she didn't quite understand why she was hiding behind a wooden dummy when he showed up.

"Good morning Sasuke-kun," she greeted, stepping away from it. She bowed quickly.

"No formal greetings," he said. "Just hello is fine. When did you get back?" He smoothed his bangs behind his head to look at her. He was standing very close. She could even smell him . . .

"Yesterday," she answered. It was such a struggle looking him in the eye. Only four weeks and yet it felt like forever. The forest, the assassins, the snakes, the Shukaku—all of it seemed like a dream.

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? I know you came to see me in the hospital every day, so why?" He didn't sound angry, but he didn't sound happy either. His brow tilted slightly, a clear sign of irritation.

"I'm sorry. I just . . . you were in the hospital for so long—"

"I was awake when you left."

"Sakura-san was with you." He didn't roll his eyes, but he might as well have with the way he turned his head from her.

"I don't know why you let that stop you. When I got discharged I went to find you, but your cousin told me you'd left. I caught him just before he went to Rain. Kakashi's cell got sent south to Degarashi Port only the day after. I just got back."

"You must be tired."

"Don't change the subject." He looked down at her pants. He squatted at her knees, examining her right side as if he could see through the fabric.

"U-um—!"

"How is your leg? Did it bother you during the trip?"

"No, I was already fine by then," she said, backing away unconsciously. Sasuke stood up straight. "How is your . . . mark?" He looked sideways, tapping the base of his neck through his shirt.

"Still there. Burns like hell sometimes, but at least it doesn't feel like I'm dying anymore."

"That poison nearly killed you, Sasuke-kun." She didn't like thinking about it. The first couple of days she had seen him in the hospital . . . he had not been well. It had pained her to see him like that.

"I didn't come this far to be done in by poison," he said. He stepped closer. His eyes roamed her face and neck. Without seeming to realize it he placed his hands on her shoulders, both palms cupped to the angles of her neck, and pulled her into him. She let him. Her heart was beating out of her chest and she didn't know what to do, but she let him.

"I thought you were going to die," he said softly. "I wasn't good enough to save you. If Gaara had killed you I would have done everything and anything to destroy him. He was right about that. Even if it meant . . . forgetting my family for a while."

Hinata's whole face bloomed red. If he wasn't holding her she might have crumbled.

"That sickened me," Sasuke continued. She could feel his chin on her head. "I'm an avenger. For years the only thing I cared about was killing my brother and avenging my clan. I had intended to rebuild after that. Maybe that's why I let it get this bad."

"Wh-what?"

"I had started to think I could rebuild first. The thought made wanting to be with you actually forgivable. But I don't think that's the case. There's no way around it, Hinata. When I was under the curse mark's influence . . . or maybe it was the poison. I don't know. There isn't much I remember, but I know I saw my brother." He held her tighter. "It wasn't him, but it was the first time since . . . I saw him. It made me angry, but it made me ashamed too. I felt like I'd forgotten about my family." He sighed into her hair. "What have I been doing, Hinata? I've never had to question whether or not I was an avenger before. Not before I met you." He drew away from her. "Hinata . . ."

"Sasuke-kun," she interrupted. Her chest hurt. She had no idea what was happening, but it felt like she was dying. "I have a placement test next week on my sister's birthday. I'll be fighting for my place as heir to the household." She hadn't meant to say it. She just felt like she had to say something to distract him. Anything to get him to stop. It almost worked.

"Hinata . . ." He backed away. "Goodbye."

She didn't run after him when he left. She wanted to. She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him . . .

She cried instead.