I feel wrong
I'm so human and flawed
Draco crept fearfully into his home. He hoped Luna was still at Xenophilius'. He stood in the front entrance for a long second, trying to hear if she was in the house. Only silence greeted him. He crawled up the stairs, tumbling into the bathroom. He made it to the room and managed to shut the door before collapsing.
The floor was cold against his bruising face. Blood trickled from his lips onto the tile. Draco stayed as still as possible, feeling how his ribs ached, how hot his face felt, reminiscent of the blows he had felt just minutes earlier. It would be easy enough to fix, especially now that he had gone through Healer training, but he didn't. He let the pain rack through his body; he let himself feel.
He remembered the words that had been spoken, flown from angry lips.
"Fuckin' Death Eater."
"Scum of the Earth."
"We're going to kill you."
"My mum died and this got to live!"
Angry kicks; angry blows; angry words, all thrown at him, barbing his heart. Oh, he deserved it. He knew that he deserved it. And they were right; how dare he live and breathe when that mother, all of those mothers and fathers and children, were dead? He deserved to die. He had known that from the very beginning.
He wished he could tear himself out of his skin; throw himself apart so that he didn't have to deal with this anymore. He didn't have to spend his days thinking over his teenage years, thinking over what he could have done better, what he shouldn't have done at all. He relives his fear, day after day, trying to forget; trying to make a better life. He's trying, oh he's trying, to make the world a better place, to make up for what he didn't do when he had the chance.
But he's only a human. When they see the tattoo on his arm (and he tries to not let them see but he's so obviously Malfoy and everyone in the Wizarding World knows what that means, and knows what he is) all they can think is Death Eater. And, of course, Death Eater's don't feel. Death Eaters don't have emotions. They are mindless killing machines, loyal only to Voldemort and their own selfish ways. They have no regard for anyone else. The rest of the world seems to forget that a Death Eater is human. Just like a muggle is human. It doesn't matter what title is carried: a human is a human.
Draco clenched his hands into fists. He's human. He's made his mistakes and he's walked his paths. He understands emotion – he feels them!
"Draco!" Luna's airy voice echoed through the house, making it seem even more mystical than usual.
No, the single thought broke through into Draco's smoggy mind.
"Are you home?"
Draco flinched as Luna knocked at the door, the sound reverberating into the room and through his hurting head.
"Draco?"
He tried to force the words out of his lips; tried to tell her he'll be out in a minute. But he can't move, he feels as though he is glued to the floor. It would be too much, at this point, for him to sit up and heal himself; to open the door and pretend that everything is fine.
Luna uttered a spell, and he heard the door click open. "I'm coming in," she warned.
The door swung open, a rush of air coming over his body. Draco turned away from her approaching footsteps, closing his eyes and closing her out at the same time. Luna's footsteps stopped, and there's a thud as she dropped to her knees next to him.
"Is this blood?" She gasped, alarmed.
A hand touched his shoulder blade, and Draco tried to curl away from it. Luna's hand was gentle, and guided him onto his back, staring up at her. Her jaw dropped as her hand hovered over his face; over the blood and bruises that marred him. That same hand went to her mouth, teary eyes threatening to spill over.
She reached for her wand, soft spells gently healing him.
I'll break down even though I'm still strong
He spent the next night crying into her arms. Draco was extremely ashamed that he was sobbing but it didn't matter as he clung to her. Luna was incredibly solid underneath him; a rock on which he could always count on. Her tiny stature doesn't speak to how strong she is.
Draco took his comfort from her delicate hands; from her soothing words.
She was the only one who could hold him, the only one strong enough to pick up the pieces when he broke.
Even he couldn't do such a momentous thing.
And time will make fools of us all
Build us up and then laughs when we fall
"It isn't worth it," Draco found himself saying. "Not for you. God, Luna, we're only fooling ourselves here!"
"You're the fool!" Luna spat back, angrier than he had ever seen her. Passion was wild in her deep eyes, but there was also something else, something that he couldn't identify. "How could you say that?"
"For your sake! Luna, I love you. I love you more than anyone I've ever known and anyone I will ever meet. But I can't do this to you. I can't make you live like this."
Luna crossed her arms defiantly. "Can I tell you a story?"
Draco paused. "I'm not done talking about what happened this afternoon."
"Neither am I," Luna said plainly. "But I have to tell you a story."
Draco sat and consented to let her tell her story.
"Once upon a time there was a beautiful young woman. She was strange –"
"Is it you?" Draco interrupted.
"Oh, no." Luna shook her head. "But listen."
Draco closed his mouth.
"She was strange but she was loved. Yet, she had never been in love. She'd had boys that others thought she might love, but she never loved. And then, she met a man. But he wasn't just a man. He was dark, he was dangerous. He was much older than her and insisted they were no good together. He insisted that he would destroy her. He resisted their relationship, their love, because of what people would say, what her family would think, of how much he could hurt her. She said that their love could carry them through anything." Luna blinked at him innocently. "Do you know what happened to them?"
Draco shrugged. "She gave up? He killed her? I don't know Luna."
Luna smiled. "No, silly. Even though he was a werewolf and she was much too young for him they fell in love anyway, and had a boy."
Draco frowned, suddenly recognizing who she was talking about. "Are you talking about Lupin and Tonks?"
"Yes." Luna gathered Draco's fingers in hers. "See, Draco, they had hardships too. People slandered her for loving a werewolf like they slandered me this afternoon for loving a Death Eater."
Draco winced at the ugly words coming from her pretty mouth.
"But it didn't matter to Tonks because she loved him. And it doesn't matter to me because I love you. So, just because someone shouted awful words across the street at me for being with you, don't fly into a rage, don't become irrational. I know you want to protect me, and that's sweet, but by leaving me, you would hurt me far more than they ever could."
Luna pressed a hand to his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "And, Draco, despite what you said, you are worth it. You are worth every word they could think of saying to me."
"Why would you want to stay with me, knowing you could live the rest of your life hearing that?" Draco gestured angrily to the outside world.
"Because their words are not my life. Being with you, loving you, that is my life." Luna kissed the tip of his nose. "Darling Draco, will you never see how priceless you are too me?"
No, he didn't suppose he would. He wasn't priceless, wasn't worth her trouble. But, he kissed her deeply, partly for selfish reasons. He couldn't give her up. Yet, her words also stayed with him. If leaving her would hurt her, he never would.
And, he supposed, if Tonks could love a werewolf, Luna could love a Death Eater.
You pull me through
When I'm alone in the dark and the fear is my truth
"You don't have to put out the candles," Luna said sleepily from the bed. "I know you rest better with them."
Draco shook his head. "I need to come to terms with the night again." He did leave the last candle going, reflected by Luna's grand mirror.
Still, when he passed by the window, he took a look out the window. He didn't know what he was expecting to see; the Dark Mark angry against the soft outline of stars? He ran a hand through his hair, trying to clear his head of such thoughts. The war was over and done with. He wasn't ready to accept the truth: the war would plague him for the rest of the life, just as the Dark Mark would be imprinted on him for the rest of his life.
He tucked himself in next to Luna, who rolled so that their limbs tangled.
"You look handsome in the moonlight."
"Because you can't see my face?" He joked.
Luna swatted at his arm, but he could see her smile. "Could be," she joked in return. "I think, though, it's because you look like a star."
Out of all the things Luna had compared him with, out of all the fanciful things she said, this had to be the one who confused him the most. "How does one look like a star?" He inquired.
Luna brushed a hand through his hair, let her thumb follow the curve of his eyebrows. Draco closed his eyes as she tickled the pad of one finger across his eyelashes.
Luna moved so that she was flush against him, breath washing against his cheek. "One looks beautiful," she explained.
Draco's eyes opened, and he pushed her down against the bed so that he was towering above her. "Then, my dear Luna, you would be much more of a star than I."
Luna grinned, grabbing his face in both hands and giving him a chaste kiss, running her hand down his chest.
"You are every star in the sky. You are the stars, and the sun, and the moon. My beautiful, Luna."
Luna laughed, deep and wonderful. "And you are my handsome Draco, my wonderful, strong, mighty Draco."
Draco held her closely, running his hands along the shape of her legs, across the smooth of her back, burying his face in the cascade of her curls. Her ring is cold against his skin as her hand lies across the nape of neck, beginning to slide down the curve of his spine. She was incredibly lovely as she cried out his name, bringing him closer and closer to her, as though they could become one being – one heart, one soul, locked inside of the same fair-haired body.
She melted into his arms, breath coming in small puffs against his flesh.
"So beautiful," Draco mused to himself, picking up the hand with his ring on it. It gleamed in the semi-darkness of the room. He brought her knuckle to his mouth, kissing her there.
Luna looked up through her lashes, meeting his eyes. "I was thinking we could get married this winter."
"Winter? Don't you want to wait for summer?" He had always imagined their wedding in the summer, the green grass flowing around their feet, and blooming flowers in her hair.
Luna shook her head. "No, I want to get married in winter. I think it would be beautiful. And, a lot of people underestimate winter. I want to give the snow a chance."
Draco smirked. How like Luna to need to give the seasons a chance; an opportunity of their own to shine. "All right, this winter."
Luna kissed his chin, before burrowing under the blankets and falling asleep. Draco dropped his head against hers, focusing on the lone candle in the room. It flickered gently, and he couldn't help but get transfixed by the spot of light, bright despite the darkness. He closed his eyes, but all he could see was the darkness. With a whispered spell, he lit two more candles.
Now, when he closed his eyes, there was still a spot of light.
I don't own anything recognizable. Thanks to my beta: Noble6. The song is All That You Are by Goo Goo Dolls.
~TLL~