Though I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'Cause I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams…
-"Here I Go Again", Whitesnake
…………
Christmas Eve at the royal chapel in Cruce Salgradi was always a sight to behold, a feast for the senses, and this Christmas Eve was no different. The huge, ornate cathedral was lit up by hundreds of candles flickering against the many stained glass windows, wreaths and greenery adorning every pew and pulpit. Many of the citizens of the capital city attended the special Christmas Eve services there, for the lights, the music, and the sense of holiness.
In the front pew, the royal family sat in their usual seats, the young Prince Asher seated between Shakir and Avani. The minister was reciting the nativity story, but it was clear Asher was hardly listening (although that was slightly forgivable, as he had begged Charlotte to tell him the story a good five times earlier that day); instead, he was staring wide-eyed at the beautiful lights and decorations, as indeed most of the children in attendance that night were.
Prince Naveen, seated to the left side of his mother, also wasn't paying too much attention to the story. Instead he was focused on Princess Charlotte, sitting to his left, and Tiana, sitting to her left. Like Asher, Charlotte seemed far more interested in the lights and decorations than the actual message, although since it was being delivered in Maldonian, she had a bit of an excuse for her wandering attention span.
That didn't hinder Tiana, though. Of course, she had been completely awe-struck by the splendor of the chapel as soon as she first stepped inside, but now, her similarly fascinated expression was directed at the minister, clearly taking in every word despite the fact that she understood none of them.
And she had sung, too. Earlier in the service as the cathedral was filled with voices singing Christmas carols and the organ majestically swelling behind them. The hymns were in Maldonian and Charlotte, not surprisingly, didn't even attempt to sing. But Tiana did. Sure, so she had mispronounced some of the words, but that didn't matter to Naveen. Her heart was clearly completely in the music, so much that it didn't matter what language it was. And she had a beautiful singing voice. He already knew that, of course. But hearing it again was like hearing it for the first time.
"'And behold,'" the minister was saying in Maldonian, although judging by Tiana's expression she knew and understood where in the nativity story they were at, "'an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.'"
Naveen continued looking to his left, past Charlotte and at Tiana. A great fear began to settle in him as well, one that he had felt on occasion before… one he had always quickly pushed to the back of his mind. He didn't think about God too often, because when he did, the thought of what God must think of him worried him so much that he simply elected to not think about God at all if he could help it. And when he ignored his problems, they generally went away. Or at least didn't bother him anymore.
But now, a sudden realization was hitting him, crushing him as he gazed at Tiana. Had it been that even though he had ignored God, God had not ignored him? Could it be that this painful torture of being so close yet so far from the woman he loved, forced to put up a façade of happiness while married to someone else, was punishment for the life of pleasure and sin he had pursued before meeting her? Could it be that God was twisting the knife in him further, by showing him through his time spent with her now what could have been?
Cruel. Very cruel. Naveen looked up at the ceiling, not being able to give in to the temptation to turn his thoughts away from God at a Christmas Eve church service. If this is my punishment, isn't it overkill? I can't look at her without…
Foolishly, he did turn around and look back at her, and Tiana, sensing that he was focusing his attention on her, met his gaze and gave him a smile.
And then a strange, strange sensation came over Naveen.
It still hurt to look at her, especially when she smiled at him like that, seeing that glimpse of something he was never meant to have. But there was a sudden realization that came over him as well, one that made him smile back, despite all the dark and despairing thoughts that were running through his mind.
That realization was that, if he had to do it all over again, if he could have avoided turning into a frog and even meeting her at all… he wouldn't change a thing. Even knowing he could never have her. Just knowing her was enough, something that he'd never trade for anything. It hurt, having to know her only as "my wife's best friend" and not as anything more intimate… but meeting her, despite the pain it had brought him, was the single greatest thing that had ever happened in his life.
They continued to smile at each other for a few moments before Tiana turned back to the minister, as he was still reading the nativity story: "'And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.'"
It was still in Maldonian, but as Tiana's eyes grew wider, Naveen couldn't help but wonder if she'd understood the message on a level far deeper than words could go.
…………
A week later, Tiana stood alone in the Yellow Room, pulling the familiar light blue gloves up onto her arms.
It was New Year's Eve, and it was Maldonian tradition to hold a New Year's Eve ball. According to Naveen, anyone who was anyone in the country was invited to the festivities that lasted all night long. There would be music, dancing, games… and an entire ballroom of nobility dressed in their finest.
On her shopping trips with Charlotte since being in Maldonia, Tiana had acquired several new dresses, all completely out of her league, but Charlotte insisted on getting them for her anyway. "When your restaurant's open, you'll be wearin' dresses like these all the time! Might as well get you started now!" she had chirped. But for the New Year's Eve ball, Charlotte had given Tiana yet another dress… a new dress, yet an old and familiar dress, too. It was the blue gown that she had loaned to Tiana at the masquerade ball way back in February.
"You looked so pretty in this one," Charlotte had insisted, pushing it, along with the gloves, necklace, and tiara, into Tiana's arms. "You've just gotta wear it tonight. It looks far better on you than it does on me, anyway. My hips are too small and my bust is too big. But you've got the perfect build for it! You can wear it, and you can keep it. Well, I'd better go get ready too. Toodles, Tia! See you at the ball!" And Charlotte had zipped off before Tiana had any time to protest.
Tiana pulled up the other glove and reached for the necklace. Charlotte had breezed over something else significant about the dress, something that she probably didn't even think to consider—it had been what she was wearing when she first met Naveen. Well, first spoke to him anyway.
Sighing, Tiana fastened the necklace around her neck and looked at her dreary expression in the mirror. I'm farther along now than I was then, she reminded herself. Much farther. And yet… I don't think I'm any happier.
She placed the tiara on her head, finishing the outfit.
"This is gonna be hell," she mumbled to herself.
…………
In a crowd full of Maldonian nobility and even some foreign dignitaries, Tiana felt completely lost and out of place, despite the fact that few people were paying any particular attention to her. They mulled about the room, laughing amongst themselves and chatting in Maldonian. Tiana hovered by the food and stayed off to the side, trying to interest herself in observing everyone. She did smile a few times when people sampled one of her culinary creations—for while the royal chefs certainly did most of the work preparing the food for the ball, Tiana had talked Ianthe into letting her whip up a few treats, some old New Orleans favorites and some new Maldonian recipes to which she had added her own personal touch. A personal touch that seemed to be a hit with all the nobility who tasted it. "Richonaza!" she heard many a nobleman exclaim upon trying a beignet. "Qualta esí?" Tiana didn't feel forward enough to step up and take credit for her beignets, but she couldn't help but smile in satisfaction at the obvious delight her cooking was bringing to such a noble audience. She finally let herself munch on one of her beignets as well, sipping a glass of cabernet sauvignon. Normally she made it a point to drink rarely, if ever, but a cynical voice inside of her was making her think that maybe she was going to need alcohol to make it through this night. Besides, even if she didn't, she didn't have a choice. All the drinks seemed to be alcoholic. That's the Mediterranean for you, Tiana thought dryly to herself.
She suddenly realized that the talking had died down save for one loud voice announcing something. Turning her attention to the front of the room, where the grand royal thrones sat, she soon saw why. The royal family had arrived.
King Shakir and Queen Avani wore their traditional royal regalia with twentieth-century style and poise, looking completely fairy-tale and completely modern at the same time. Avani's long-sleeved fuchsia dress had a high neckline and went past her knees, yet she held herself with a confident grace, her golden necklace, bracelet, and tiara adding every bit as much to her regality as her delicately sequined sash around her waist. Shakir's royal uniform might have looked stiff on anyone else, but not him, as he gave an eloquent sounding yet still good-natured speech in Maldonian to his subjects, eliciting true laughter from his jokes and remarks from time to time. Even little Prince Asher, standing to the right of his parents and dressed as a miniature version of his father, only fidgeted occasionally, and kept his attention focused on his father for the most part.
But who most of the crowd was keeping their focus on, Tiana included, was the young royal couple to the left of the king and queen. As always, Prince Naveen was stunningly handsome. As always, Princess Charlotte was remarkably beautiful.
If Shakir knew how to wear his regal outfit with a touch of ease, Naveen took that touch and made it into a full-blooded fashion statement. Keeping perfect posture in his uniform, Naveen still looked as spontaneous and full of life as ever, grinning at anyone who caught his eye and occasionally looking expectedly and eagerly at the orchestra… an orchestra that included, in addition to the normal strings, a number of trumpets, trombones, and saxophones. Clearly Naveen had arranged for his favorite genre of music to play that night as well as more traditional fare.
Charlotte, as usual, knew how to pull off a ridiculous looking dress and actually make it look good. Her dress was bright red, with a hoop skirt and pink trim on the fringes of the skirt. It was also completely sleeveless, and a long white feathered boa was wrapped around her arms and shoulders, positioned in a way that not a bit of her long, dangling silver necklace with its heart-shaped ruby pendant was hidden. Charlotte, like her husband, was absolutely beaming, looking out at the crowd with an expression of wonder that Tiana recognized from her exact same reaction to hearing fairy tales as a child.
I can't believe I know them, Tiana thought to herself, staring at them in full—thankfully, she was far enough in the back of the room and covered by enough people that they couldn't possibly see her. They're both so… regal. They can't be from the same planet I'm from.
She looked again at her dress, that beautiful dress that had once been Charlotte's, and found herself feeling that her score tally was quite a bit less than the prince and princess standing in the front of the room.
It sounded as though Shakir was nearing the end of his speech. His voice rose in tone, in volume, in enthusiasm, and soon the entire room was clapping, Tiana automatically joining in the applause as well. The orchestra began to play a lively waltz, the crowd went back to talking amongst themselves, some started dancing with each other, and Tiana knew that the party had officially begun.
Sighing, she gulped down the rest of her glass of wine, hoping that Charlotte and Naveen took their time in finding her.
"Manidaza, meniris."
Surprised, Tiana turned to the source of the voice: a young, dapper nobleman with a friendly—almost too friendly—smile. Tiana smiled in return, although hers was awkward and apologetic. "Manidaza, per sen, nonzaldi Maldoniazato."
"You don't speak Maldonian?" the man repeated incredulously, in English. "Your Maldonian sounds just fine to me, miss!"
Tiana laughed. "About the only thing I can say in Maldonian is that I can't say anything else."
"It is no problem—many of us speak English as well. You must be Princess Charlotte's friend from the United States."
"That's right." Tiana set down her wine glass and extended her hand to shake his. "My name's Tiana Wilcox."
To her surprise, he didn't shake it, but instead brought it to his mouth and kissed it. "A pleasure, Miss Wilcox. I am Calix, twenty-third Duke of Ochenropolis."
"Quite a mouthful there," said Tiana, giving a smile even more awkward than her first. One minute into the party and a man was already making moves on her? Where was Naveen when she needed him? …With his wife, of course, and Tiana didn't need him, she reminded herself resolutely. What was the harm in humoring this one hoity-toity anyway? "Can I just call you 'Duke'?"
"Calix is perfectly acceptable." He held her hand out to the side. "Would you give me the pleasure of joining me on the dance floor?"
Tiana hesitated. "Oh, I don't…"
"Please, I insist. I cannot bear to see such a pretty girl standing on the sidelines tonight."
"Alright," Tiana said, taking an unsure step towards him. "But I warn you, I ain't much of a dancer."
Calix led Tiana out on the floor and began to lead her in the waltz. "Dancing is nothing. I am sure you'll do fine."
As the waltz played on, Tiana clumsily attempted to follow his moves, although his dancing felt so… stiff to her. It was as if he was focused too much on the technique and not enough on just letting the music take over the soul. She looked away from him as they methodically went through the moves, only making eye contact with him to apologize every fifth step when she seemed to step on his feet. Dancing really wasn't that much fun, she was beginning to realize… perhaps the only time she could have ever found it fun was as a frog, in the swamp, with Naveen. But this was none of those things. She found herself praying that the song would end soon.
Finally she heard the finishing chord. Trying to not pull away too quickly, she let go of Calix. "Thank you for the dance, Calix. I'll, uh… I'm gonna go get another glass of wine now."
"Go right ahead, Miss Wilcox," said Calix, attempting to discreetly rub a sore foot against his leg.
"Sorry about your feet," Tiana said quickly, then turned and made her way back to the wine bar. Once her second glass of wine was poured for her, she turned back around and looked at the dance floor where she and Calix had been dancing. He was no longer there. Tiana sighed. Well, she scared that one off. Her sigh, however, was every bit as much a sigh of relief as a sigh of disappointment. If this was what a royal ball was like, she would much rather stand off to the side and just watch and drink her wine. Or just leave entirely.
It wasn't long before the music became slower, and the couples dancing grew closer and more intimate. In the center of the dance floor, Shakir and Avani were gently swaying, holding each other close, gazing into each other's eyes and smiling. Naveen and Charlotte were also dancing, but not as close; still, Naveen's fluid grace made the couple look devastatingly beautiful, and Tiana was unable to take their eyes off of them. She was unable to smile, either. How badly she wanted to be happy for her friend. Her friend, who instead of looking into her prince's eyes was looking blissfully up at the ceiling, clearly more in love with being a princess than with the prince who had made it possible. But the slowly simmering jealousy had finally reached a boiling point, one that Tiana couldn't ignore.
Feeling a painful knot in her throat, Tiana quickly turned away and headed back to the bar, ready for her third glass of wine. Her head felt lighter, her steps felt heavier, and her heart felt completely shot down. If the wine made her head feel lighter, perhaps it would lighten her heart as well.
At the food table, Asher was wistfully watching Charlotte and Naveen dance while stuffing one of Tiana's beignets in his mouth. "Tiana!" he exclaimed upon seeing her. "You are the best cook in the world! Can you stay here forever?"
Asher's enthusiasm was so infectious that Tiana couldn't help but laugh, already feeling a little bit better. "Sorry, Asher, but I've got a restaurant in New Orleans to worry about."
"Can't you have a restaurant here, so we can always eat your food? It's the best!"
"Well, maybe when Naveen and Lottie come to New Orleans to visit, you can come with them and eat at my restaurant then," smiled Tiana.
"Why aren't you dancing?" Asher asked. "You were earlier, I saw you."
"I think I scared that man off," Tiana laughed. "He found out what a terrible dancer I am. And he must have let everyone else know, because no one else has asked me."
"You're not dancing with anyone?"
"Nope. Not a soul."
Asher shoved the rest of the beignet in his mouth and, quickly and charmingly, held out his hand to Tiana. "May I?"
Tiana laughed again at the young prince's attempts to be smooth and debonair—attempts that would likely be highly successful if he continued in the same vein as he got older. "Why, Prince Asher, thank you. I'd be delighted."
They did not move out onto the dance floor, instead doing a small, simple dance next to the food buffet. Tiana had to lean down to dance with Asher, who was unable to twirl her or do anything except hold her hands and step back and forth. Still, the young prince's spontaneity made him far preferable to Calix in Tiana's mind, despite the fact that he was barely half her size.
"I think you're a good dancer," said Asher earnestly.
"Maricilpen, mio pruto," Tiana said with a smile.
"Naveen thinks so too."
Tiana's eyes grew wide in shock. "What?"
"At every ball there is always one woman who he watches all the time, and then he goes and dances with her. And he watched you the entire time you were dancing with that man!" Asher grinned at her.
Despite her heart racing, Tiana managed to laugh again. "Listen, Asher, your brother's already danced with me before, and if he was really watching me, it's probably just because he was thinking that I haven't improved a bit!"
"He already danced with you? When?"
Tiana smirked. "When we were frogs."
Now it was Asher's eyes that grew wide. "Achidanza! You were a frog too?"
"Yes," smiled Tiana, "and we danced in the swamp, on a lily pad and under the water, and I tripped and fell all over him. I think I scared him off too."
The song ended, and Asher let go of Tiana's hands. "I don't think so," he said in a sing-song voice, looking past Tiana.
Tiana turned around, and sure enough, Naveen had wasted no time in breaking away from Charlotte to find his next dance partner. "Miss Wilcox," he said in a mock serious tone, "I trust that your dance with my younger brother was diverting, no? However, I wonder if I might borrow you from him for the next number or two."
Tiana looked down at Asher. "You alright with me movin' on to a new partner, Asher?"
Asher shrugged and smiled. "Viz. I'm going to eat more of your food now." And with that, he quickly darted back to the buffet table without another word.
Naveen held out his hand for Tiana. "Well? Shall we?"
Grinning, Tiana put her hand in his. "We shall, Your Highness."
Naveen led Tiana out onto the dance floor and gave her a quick twirl, the song being played more upbeat than the previous song. "I recognize your dress," he said with a smile, placing his right arm around her waist and holding her right hand up in the air and close to their faces. "Although I believe when I last saw you wear this dress, I was quite a bit shorter than you."
"You were far more attractive then, too," Tiana teased, gliding along the floor with him, his steps quick and spontaneous, yet still with the beat.
"What? That is surely a jest. What could possibly be more attractive than this?" He brought his left hand, and by extension Tiana's right hand, to his face and flashed his pearly whites at her. "Aside from the very lovely woman in front of me who still makes a very convincing princess, I can't think of anything!"
"I'm still just a waitress," said Tiana. "The dress don't make me a princess, as you very well know."
"Just a waitress? Why Tiana, you are far more than just a waitress. You are also the owner of what will soon be the greatest restaurant in the world!"
"Stop exaggerating, Naveen," laughed Tiana, taking another step and swaying to the beat with him. Funny how she hadn't once yet stepped on his toes.
"Tia!" Charlotte and her dance partner, a slightly older man in a tuxedo, waltzed by Tiana and Naveen. "You havin' fun?"
"I sure am!" exclaimed Tiana, surprised that she didn't have to lie. "You look gorgeous!"
"Thanks, sugar," grinned Charlotte. "Likewise to you! You still wear that dress far better than me. I definitely want you to have it. Oh, my stars, I haven't introduced you yet—Tia, this is Dr. Philip Jenson, the royal practitioner. He graduated from Oxford, in England! Dr. Jenson, this is my good friend from New Orleans, Tiana Wilcox."
Tiana dipped her head in as much of a greeting as she could while still dancing with Naveen. "Pleased to meet you, Dr. Jenson!"
Dr. Jenson, also a bit incapacitated due to dancing with Charlotte, repeated the gesture. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Wilcox."
"I'm glad to see you ain't just standin' by the buffet table and thinkin' food like I was afraid you would be," Charlotte said to Tiana with a laugh. "You've gotta enjoy this ball and dance the night away! Which is what I plan to do!" Laughing again, she swept a startled Dr. Jenson off in a different direction. "Catch you later, Tia!"
"See you, Lottie!" laughed Tiana.
Naveen stared incredulously at the spot Charlotte had just occupied. "I will never understand how that woman can move like that in those ridiculous dresses she wears."
"It's just her running off her princess high," smiled Tiana. "The prettier she feels, the more of a livewire she is."
"She is pretty in that dress," Naveen conceded, "but I have to agree with her that you wear this particular dress much better than she does."
Tiana felt her cheeks flush, but she still smiled. "So is that why you were watching me dance with that Duke what's-his-name like Asher said?"
"Asher said… that? He said I was watching you?" Naveen gave a mock scowl and glanced over in the area of the buffet. "That little loudmouth!"
"He said it was because you wanted to dance with me, but I figured it was more that you were so shocked at how terrible I still am."
"There are two things wrong with your theory, my dear." Naveen gave Tiana a quick dip before pulling her back up and continuing to waltz with her. "Number one, you were never a bad dancer. On the contrary, you were quite graceful and skilled. Number two, if anything, your dancing skills have only improved since the last time I danced with you."
"Improved? I stepped on that poor man's feet more often than I stepped on the floor!"
"I know Calix. He deserves to have his feet stepped on every once in awhile." Naveen grinned at her. "Besides, you have avoided my feet entirely."
Tiana purposely brought her foot down squarely on Naveen's.
Naveen snorted cynically. "That didn't hurt a bit."
"I can make it hurt."
"I have no doubt of that." Naveen dipped Tiana again and held her there, his gaze piercing, passionate, tender. "You can do anything."
The song ended, but the two didn't move.
The usual flutters in Tiana's heart were this time almost screaming in intensity, her playful mood suddenly gone. WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING?! Reality came crashing in like a thunderbolt. This wasn't dancing alone as frogs in the bayou. This was dancing in a ballroom surrounded by dozens of dignitaries, and dancing with someone else's husband besides. A fact that, up until now, had been pushed out of her mind.
She pushed him back up and let go of him. "You have far too much faith in me, Prince Naveen," she said sternly.
The next song was another slow one. A bit taken aback, Naveen still reached out his hand towards Tiana again. "I have only enough faith in you that you deserve. Won't you dance with me again?"
Tiana looked at the musicians, then back at Naveen. "No, I'm all danced out, I'm afraid. Besides, this song seems more appropriate for you to dance with your wife."
Naveen's face fell. "Yes… my wife. Of course." He withdrew his hand.
Giving him one last look that felt too little reprimanding and too much despaired to her, Tiana turned back towards the bar. Yes, she was definitely going to need more wine to get through this night.
…………
One glass of wine later, Tiana retreated outside onto the palace grounds, walking through the gardens that seemed to glow in an other-worldly way from the lights from the palace, the night sky clear and pitch-black against the stars. Not entirely sure what she was looking for, if anything, Tiana continued to make her way through the garden, getting as far away from the party as possible. It seemed she wasn't the only one who had wanted to make a quick exit, either—a number of other people, in couples, had retired out in the dark to be a little more physically intimate. Tiana would have been put off by this on any day, much less in the state she was in now. To think, if she had kept that up she might have been one the partygoers rushing out for a little more privacy. With someone else's husband.
Tiana angrily kicked a pebble on the path, sending it skidding into the begonias. She was weak. She was weak and shouldn't have been drinking and shouldn't have done any of that, didn't she say she was done falling for that man's charms? And how terrible she was, how utterly terrible she was, to do that to her best friend. To interact with her best friend's husband that way. Tiana always hated people who moved in on married men like that, and thus right now she was hating herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid weak-emotioned little fool that she was, she had to get over him, she had to, it was a mistake to come here, she should have stayed back home and thrown herself into her work to make her forget about everything!
"Why do they have to ruin it…"
Tiana stopped in surprise upon hearing the familiar voice behind a bush. A voice that rarely sounded so… desperate and bitter.
"Lottie?"
Charlotte jerked her head up at the sound of Tiana's voice, her eyes wide enough with surprise that her angry tears began to leak out. "Tiana? What are you doing out here?"
"What are you doing out here? What's wrong?"
"Nothing! Nothing's wrong at all! What makes you think something's wrong?" Charlotte quickly dabbed at her eyes and flashed Tiana a huge, forced smile.
Tiana brought her fingers to her mouth and took in a deep breath, feeling like crying herself. Yep. She'd gone and done it. She'd let her feelings for Naveen take over and in the process had hurt her best friend. Charlotte must know by now, after the way they had been dancing. She had hurt her. And she was a terrible person for it.
"Oh, Lottie, I'm so sorry…"
"There's nothing to be sorry about! There's nothing wrong! …Oh shoot, yes there is!" Charlotte pulled out a hanky and blew her nose, her eyes burrowed in frustration and despair. "I'm tired of pretending like I'm happy!"
"I shouldn't have come…"
"Don't say that!" Charlotte looked at Tiana pleadingly. "Land sakes, Tia, with you here you're the only one who's keeping me sane. From all the reporters, all the duties of being princess—and someday queen, and they expect me to be perfect and instead of living happily ever after it's… it's terrible Tia, I hate it here! I want to go home!"
Tiana stared at Charlotte incredulously.
"I was far more of a princess in New Orleans than I was here. Bein' a real princess… it ain't what it's cracked up to be! And even at these balls, where I think I can be the princess I want to be, I try to have fun and suddenly the press comes and dogs me with questions about the country's finances and how I'm going to deal with that as queen someday and have I been studying international policies and this and that, and all the while they expect me to look perfect and all they do is criticize my clothing and hair and…" Charlotte blew her nose again. "I hate it here, Tia. I just hate it here. I wish I'd never married Naveen. I wish I was back in New Orleans. I was so much happier there. I was a real princess there. People treated me like one. I wasn't a political figure or anything, I was just… me. My dream was a stupid one, Tia, and I wish I'd realized it sooner."
"No… no dream is stupid, Lottie," Tiana managed to say.
"Mine was. Mine was all about the technicalities and nothing about what it was about the princesses in fairytales that I loved so much. They were friendly and well-liked and fashionable, and I was all those things before I came here. And they married for love, and I didn't, and it's just so… so hollow to have a husband that you don't love and that doesn't love you, and nothing at all what those fairytales were like… Princes in fairytales don't cheat on their wives, and princesses don't wake up every morning dreading the day and just wishing that they could go back home—"
"Wait a minute." Tiana's body grew rigid with shock. "Did you just say that Naveen is…"
Charlotte harrumphed slightly and apathetically, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "God yes he is, everyone's trying to hide it from me, but I know, I've known for a long time, and the problem is I don't even care, Tia. I don't care that he's sleeping around! And that's not the way you should feel in a marriage! You shouldn't… not care! But I don't care. I don't care at all. Let him do what he wants, I just don't care, I don't love him and he don't love me…"
"But he's still… married to you! That's not right, Lottie, that, that… womanizer!"
"I don't care, Tia! And the only thing that bothers me is the fact that I don't care! I never thought being married and being a princess would be so…" Charlotte looked back at Tiana and sighed helplessly. "My dream was stupid, Tia, just say it. I know you always thought so, and now I finally realize you're right. You always had a better dream than me—"
"My dream?! My dream can't even get off the ground, Lottie!" Tiana shrieked. "All these months I've been chiseling away at this huge, broken-down building that's about to fall apart and as soon as I fix one problem, another one shows up, and I can't get enough money to fix it up even more even with my two jobs and even if I do ever get it fixed up the actual planning and running of an actual restaurant will take way more money than I'll ever earn working the jobs I got, and dammit I don't even care about the money or the stupid building anymore, I just care that I work and work and work and nothing's happening and I feel so empty and alone and some nights I cry myself to sleep and…"
Her voice trailed off, and for a moment neither one said anything, just staring at each other, shocked at the confessions they heard from the other, shocked at themselves for their own confessions.
"Oh Tia," Charlotte finally said, sympathetically and with helpless despair at the same time, "I guess things haven't worked out like we wished them to…"
"They sure haven't," Tiana muttered bitterly, looking upwards at the two evening stars. "You're full of false promises, Evangeline."
"Evangeline?" Charlotte asked in confusion. "Who's Evangeline?"
Tiana sighed and turned away, walking back towards the palace. "Nothin' but a ball of hot air."
Soon Tiana was gone. Charlotte took a shaky breath and rubbed her eyes again. She had long known, of course, that the façade she put on in her letters to Tiana about how wonderful her life was as a princess was just that, a façade, but she hadn't even dreamed that Tiana's enthusiasm at the state of her future restaurant was equally a sham.
But there was something else on Charlotte's mind.
Evangeline.
Why did she feel that she'd heard that name before?
…………
To get back to the Yellow Room, Tiana had to cut through the ballroom, as much as she wished she could avoid the party entirely. She made her way back into the room and, as quickly as she could, elbowed her way through the crowd. A young man approached her hopefully—Tiana breezed right by him. "Sen. Sorry. Don't talk to me. Nobody talk to me."
After what seemed like an eternity of pushing and nudging through hoards of overdressed partiers, she was finally in the palace hallway and out of the crowds. Her steps were now finally able to be faster. She had to start packing. Now. She had intended on leaving back for America soon anyway, but now she realized that the sooner she got out of this country, the better. Charlotte was hurting. She was hurting and Tiana was a terrible friend because she didn't know what to do to comfort her and the only thing she could think to do was to run away—but that would help her. That would get her out of Naveen's way.
Naveen. That scumbag. That complete and utter snake. That cheating, low-down, lying, manipulating… And to think Tiana had still, even that night, believed that maybe he did care for her. That maybe his affections were real—but no. He was a womanizer, a rotten scoundrel, and being married didn't stop him. He just wanted in her skirt. And even if his affections had been real Tiana couldn't keep getting her hopes up like this, especially since he was married—he was terrible—she was terrible—the sooner she got back home the better—
"Tiana? What's the matter?"
Speak of the devil.
Tiana spun around and glared at Naveen, who had followed her out of the ballroom and into the hallway towards the stairs, much to Tiana's surprise as the band was currently playing full-blown jazz. "You stay away from me, you snake. You slimy, slimy, mucusy little worm! I know what you want! I know what you've done!"
"What I've done? What are you talking about?"
"Lottie told me! Don't act all innocent! She told me what you are, you… you… cheater! How dare you do this to her?!"
Naveen recoiled in surprise. "Charlotte knows?"
"Of course she knows! She's known for ages! And if I'da known for ages you'da been hearing this from me a long time ago!"
"Clearly it does not bother my own wife as much as it bothers you," Naveen muttered harshly.
"That don't matter!" screeched Tiana, now directly in his face. "You are married! And that means you have a commitment to her that you shouldn't go around breaking! And how stupid was I to think that when you did get married, you wouldn't actually… I was a fool for thinking you'd ever changed, you—you little toad!" She spun around and marched back towards the stairs.
"Look, I didn't intend on doing this after I married her—or anyone!" Naveen angrily shouted back at her.
"Don't you even try to rationalize what you've done!"
"Listen! Charlotte never made me feel like other women in the past did. I thought I'd lost something. Something that maybe I could find with another woman. It was never difficult to find before! I keep searching and searching for what's missing, but suddenly I just can't find it anymore, not in Charlotte, not in any other woman in the palace or the country or—I just want someone to make me feel like I'm worth something, like I can do something worthwhile—feel whole! Not empty like I've felt ever since I left…" His body slumped over helplessly. "The more I search, the more I come up empty-handed, and the more I realize that I will never find anyone who can make me feel whole again except for—"
Tiana spun back around to glare at him. "Don't you dare say it!"
"I love you! All I've been searching for these past few months is someone like you, but the only person like you is you!"
"I told you not to say it!" Tiana growled, marching back up to glare at him again and point an accusing finger at his chest. "You lying piece of shit! You honestly expect me to believe that you love me when you went and married someone else?"
"That's why I married her!" Naveen pleaded. "It was the only way to get you your restaurant!"
"Are you trying to tell me," Tiana shouted, glaring even more, "are you trying to feed me the line that because you love me soooo much, you married someone else?"
"That is exactly what I'm saying! I just wanted you to be happy, and it was the only—"
"Why didn't you ask me what I wanted?" Tiana demanded, her voice breaking but her glare still firm. "Why did you just assume that what you were doing was what I wanted?"
"I didn't have to ask you! All you spoke of was your dream! About how happy you were that you were about to get it, but oh yes, by the way, you need the money in less than twenty-four hours and to get it for you that quickly I didn't exactly have many options, did I?"
"It didn't have to be that building!" Tiana shrieked, flinging an arm out to her side helplessly. She and Naveen were now completely in each other's faces, glaring at each other and shaking with anger and tension. "I could have opened another restaurant somewhere else, and you and I could have…" Taking a step back and pushing Naveen away, she looked away bitterly. "Just forget it!" Once again, she turned back towards the stairs.
"Alright!" Naveen shouted at her. "Since I am apparently too stupid to figure out what you want, then tell me! Whatever it is you want, I'll get it for you! Just tell me exactly what you want!"
Tiana spun around yet again. "You!" she blurted out helplessly.
Finally, for a moment, they were silent save for their heavy breathing, staring at each other.
"Do you mean to tell me," Naveen finally asked, incredulously, but with something that looked like the beginnings of a smile begin to tug at his lips, "that all this time we have been fighting when we could have been—" And he took a step towards her and took her face in his hands and kissed her—
"STOP!" Tiana shrieked, pulling away from him.
"What?!" Naveen demanded, angrily, defensively, hopelessly. "It's what you want!"
"It don't matter if I want you or not! I ain't like you! I don't go around having affairs when I'm married!"
"But you're not married!"
"But you are!"
Tiana's angry glare finally broke, and she helplessly buried her face in her hands. "Don't you dare talk to me about being empty. I know emptiness. I never realized how empty I was until I met you. And then you started showing me how I could really be happy. And Ray told me that you wanted to marry me and I'd never felt so overjoyed in my life, I'd never felt so happy before, I never thought I could, and… and there I was going on about my dream, but I never even realized what it was until the shadow man tried to tempt me by showing me in my restaurant. It was gorgeous and grand and everything I'd ever wanted, but I still felt empty in it… and I realized it was because you weren't there." She looked back up at him, her eyes narrowing a bit. "But now that's all I have to look forward to. A huge, empty building all by myself that with each passing day and how little I'm able to do with it the more I realize that I'll never have the capacity to run it by myself, and even if I did… But what can I do?" she added harshly, snorting and looking over at the stairs to her room. "It's all I got left now, so what's the point in me wasting time here when the only thing I've got going for me is sitting and rotting away in New Orleans?"
Naveen also brought his hands to his face, looking as though he was fighting the urge to cry. "Faldi faldonza… Tiana…" he murmured helplessly, "I don't know what to… all I wanted was to make you happy. No, that's a lie, I wanted much more than that, you have no idea of how much I wanted to marry you, of how much I didn't want to marry Charlotte. But I thought that was the only way to get you what you wanted. If there had been another way, any other way, I would have done it for you, whatever it was, whatever it would have involved, believe me…"
Tears were beginning to leak out of Tiana's eyes, and she scowled angrily both at them and in an effort to stop them. "What do you want me to say to that? That I appreciate your effort, you sweet, selfless angel? I'm not going to give you that satisfaction, because… because maybe in the short-term you make me happy, but in the long run, all you've ever done is made me miserable. More miserable than I ever thought I could be in my life. I wish I'd never even met you."
"What?" gasped Naveen, his eyes growing wide.
"I wish I'd never met you!" Tiana repeated, her voice breaking again as tears rolled down her face. "I wish your froggy little self had hopped over to Charlotte or someone else in a princess costume and you got her tangled up in all your charms instead! I never wanted anything like this. I never wanted to be in love or get married or anything, and I especially never wanted to fall in love with you. All it's left me is feeling bitter and jealous and heartbroken and—and all I want now is to get over you and forget I ever knew you. I can't… I can't live feeling this way. I can't live with all my thoughts about you and how close I was to being really, truly happy with you for the rest of my life… I want to go back to when my idea of happiness was just that restaurant. When I didn't realize something was missing. I wish I still didn't." Once again, she resolutely turned around and headed back towards the stairs.
"I just want you to be happy," Naveen murmured. "Please just understand… that that is the most important thing in the world to me. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was helping you. Please believe that."
"Just leave me alone," Tiana muttered without looking back, quickly ascending the stairs. "If you want to help me just leave me alone."
Soon she was out of sight. Not that Naveen would have been able to see her through his tears, anyway.