Standing Still - Chapter Five

I'm alone in the bedroom suite of the GEH company jet waiting for the plane to be refuelled. I asked Taylor to supervise the refuel so that we can take off as soon as possible.

I'm still reeling from the news of my wife and desperate to get home to her and my children. I've spoken with my Mom but it was a difficult conversation and I had to pass the phone to Taylor when it all got too much for me. I keep running the conversation we had over and over in my mind, I just can't accept my mothers thoughts on Ana's condition.

I remember saying goodbye to my wife just hours ago, I was up early because I had to leave by 7.00am. Ana was sleeping and gently caressed her cheek to wake her and say goodbye.

Ana has a standing rule that we never leave the house without saying a goodbye. It's a good rule and all the more significant now when I may never get to tell her that again.

We kissed and she made me promise to be careful and to come home to her in one piece. I regret not making her make a similar promise I just bobbed my head and assured her I'd stay safe.

Even at the early hour I remember that she waved goodbye at the window as Taylor drove us down the driveway. I waved back and smiled as she blew me several kisses, oh God what if I never see her smile again.

The thought has me rushing to the bathroom and losing what's left of my lunch. I was going to take Taylor out for dinner once we landed so lunch was the last meal I ate.

I heave several more times then sink down against the toilet. Taylor finds me seconds later to say that the plane is ready and that we need to get in our seats.

I buckle up and stare out of the window indifferently, it's early morning in Tokyo and I can see all the thousands of commuters getting ready to start their day.

Eventually the landscape becomes obscured by clouds but I keep staring at the white peaks as my mind wanders. I look down at my watch and note that it's almost 6.00pm back in Seattle.

Based on things Taylor has found out Ana was involved in her accident at around 2.00pm. She leaves work early to spend the afternoons with the children and was on her way to the house.

It wasn't until 4.00pm that my Mom finally found out that Ana had been caught up in the crash. And due to our poor connections on route I didn't find out about Ana until 5.00pm when we landed.

It's taken almost an hour to refuel and find two fresh pilots who were willing to take us back to the states. God knows what's happened to Ana since them, I'm almost too afraid to find out.

A hour into the flight and my cell starts ringing, I look down at the caller id and see that it's my Mom. A blind panic settles over me as I hold up my cell like it's going to explode.

I know Taylor's been in touch with my Mom since we took off but so far she's had nothing new to impart. Sensing a change I shove the cell towards Taylor and sink down in my seat terrified that this it. Ana's dead I feel it deep within me I know what's coming and I just don't what to play a part in it.

"Hello," I hear Taylor's anxious greeting.

"Yes," he says glancing in my direction.

Then I wait as I watch Taylor listening to my mother. The pause is unbearable and I find myself staring at every nuance in Taylors face in the hope of discerning if the news is good or bad.

Finally he looks up and holds the phone out towards me, I shake my head unwillingly.

"Ana's stable Christian, she made it through the surgery," says Taylor with a brief smile.

I shake my head again not believing what he's saying as I pull nervously at my hair. Taylor walks closer and tries again to pass over the phone, but I keep shaking my head.

Then gently he holds the phone against my ear and I can hear my mother trying to comfort me.

"Christian, Christian darling. She's out of surgery, she's out," she repeats until I'm able to respond.

"Have you seen her," I softly ask.

"Not yet sweetheart she's still in recovery but once she's moved to the ICU we'll be allowed to see her."

"ICU?" I ask fearfully.

"It's standard for the type of injuries Ana's sustained and the best place for her. People will be monitoring her around the clock and all Ana's needs will be met there."

"What are her injuries," I tentatively ask.

"Ana fractured her pelvis, but the surgeons were able to repair the fracture in surgery."

"What else," I ask fearing my mother is being deliberately vague.

"The fracture caused a significant amount of blood loss but transfusions were given and her blood pressure has stabilised."

"And," I ask irritated by how my Mom is doling out the information.

"Several broken ribs, but they will all heal in time and minor cuts and abrasions."

"There's more, you're holding something back. She was in surgery so long, you thought she wouldn't make it."

Mom's silent and I start to hyperventilate, what's she hiding from me, what can't she say.

"Christian we don't know anything for certain. Things change and it's still early days."

"Know what?" I shout into the telephone.

"Christian Ana may have some spinal damage."

"What?"

"We won't know until Ana wakes up, but there's a chance."

"Could she still die," I ask more concerned about that possibility than the other.

Mom's quiet again and with that she practically confirms my question.

"She's still very sick," she admits.

"When you see her will you ask her to hang on for me," I sob.

"Of course I will and we're all praying for her sweetheart."

"Call me once you've seen her," I ask.

"I will, I have to go now because the doctors just arrived."

"Is everything alright," I snap.

"Everything is as it was, he just came to tell us that we can see her now."

"Can you tell her that I lover her," I ask.

"I will but I know that Ana knows that, just hang on and be safe."

"I will, goodbye."

"Goodbye darling."