Standing Still - Chapter Seven

Due to heavy winds we don't touch down in Seattle till 5.00am and Christian's beside himself. He managed to control himself till 4.00am but the delay has make him a nervous wreak.

Ryan is waiting for us at the airport and from there we drive straight to the hospital. I didn't trust myself to drive, I'm exhausted from almost 24hours on a plane and the constant supervision of Christian.

Ryan drives along the highway in silence, the only sound in the car being the thump of Christian's foot as he bounces it up and down. I call Grace to tell her we're almost there and she tells me where she will meet us.

Finally I see the large building of the University of Washington Medical Center and as we drive closer I can see Grace waiting by the entrance. On seeing his mother Christian dashes from the car before Ryan has even stopped. I wait for him to park then jump out too and rush over, watching as Grace embraces her son.

"How is she?" asks Christian emotionally.

"Stable, she's still sedated but the transfusions have finally been stopped," Grace explains.

I hold open the door and allow Christian and his mother to walk inside first then follow behind, keeping up with the fast pace Christian is setting. Stepping into the elevator I watch as we slowly rise while Christian is pacing tensely.

On exiting Grace guides us along a corridor and then another until we see the sign for the ICU. I wait outside greeted by Carrick and Elliot as Christian's mother gently takes him onto the unit.

Grace's POV

Guiding my son through the double doors I feel his hand suddenly grasp my own so I squeeze it back reassuringly. Looking over at Ana's bed I can see Ray and Kate sat with her both silent and contemplative. Ray looks up and attempts to get up to allow Christian some time with his wife.

"No you stay Ray, I'll leave," I suggest remembering the two people at a time rule.

"No, stay with Christian he needs you Grace, I'll take Kate for a coffee."

Kate nods and together they get up to leave but not before they both pat my son encouraging on the shoulder. All this time and Christian's just been staring at Ana, he hasn't said a word. I see tears falling slowly down his cheeks but he doesn't wipe them away.

"Christian?" I ask softy.

He doesn't speak his gaze still on Ana, then slowly he staggers closer to the bed. I watch him sink down on the chair Ray just vacated then lean his body over the bed.

He reaches cautiously for her hand then wraps in between his own, kissing and rubbing it against his face. He cries harder now his eyes full of sadness, his shoulders shaking with every sob.

I walk closer to him and rub my hand against his back but I find I can't soothe him. Poor Christian continues to study his wife his eyes roaming over her body, taking in the machines and Ana's altered appearance.

"Don't die," says Christian suddenly.

"Don't leave me here without you. It's selfish I know but I cannot face this world alone, life's hard enough. I've struggled all my life and then you found me and I knew you were special and everyday since I endeavoured to deserve you."

Christian pauses to take a breathe then continues, opening his heart in a way I thought wasn't possible.

"I love you Ana, I love you so much it hurts. You were suppose to protect my heart but instead you broke it," he sobs.

I pull a tissue from my purse and hand it to my son but he doesn't take it I doubt he even sees it.

"Christian please, calm down or they'll ask us to leave."

"Why did she do it," he asks, finally noticing I'm in the room with him.

"Do what?"

"Why didn't she look after it better," he sobs.

"Christian your not making sense, look after what?"

"My heart," he chokes out his voice strangled.

I crouch down and he sinks into my open arms where I hold him as tightly as I can.

"Sweetheart, Ana couldn't prevent what happened, it was an accident. I know she wouldn't want you to feel this way but when you love someone there's always a risk of a broken heart. You can't hide from it and you can't ignore love to protect yourself."

"It hurts."

"Love hurts."

In time Christian's sobs lessen and soon he's able to look at Ana and hold her hand again. He looks at her face intently then leans over and kisses her forehead, her mouth inaccessible because of the breathing tube.

"I'm sorry I blamed you baby, I know you would never hurt me on purpose. I'm mad but not at you, I'm mad at myself for not being here when you needed me. I'm mad at the driver of the truck, I'm even mad at Reynolds because he was driving the car. I know how insane that sounds especially since he died in that car. I'm sorry Ana, I'm sorry this happened to you."

Lightly I stroke Christian's hair and rub circles on his back. His hair is soft just like when he was a little boy. But I wouldn't have been able to rub his back then, it's only because of Ana that I can do it now.

Sweet Ana the dearest and most loving person he could have picked to spend his life with. A wonderful mother and a patient soul who has helped Christian so much and made him who he is today.

I sit with my son for a long time but eventually I feel like he really needs to go home and rest. He's had a long journey and he has two children at home who really need to see him.

"Christian I think we should go soon," I encourage.

"No, I'm not leaving her."

"But the children, they were so upset last night and you can't expect Gail to look after them indefinitely."

"I won't leave her again, please don't ask me to do so."

I see the set of his jaw and realise I'm not going to win. He's tired and upset and I don't want to leave him but I can't stand thinking of my grandbabies upset.

"Fine, I will go to the house and see the children but son Ana could be here for awhile and you can't stay here forever."

"Maybe I can't but I can stay here now and I intend to stay. Thank you for everything Mom, it means a lot."

"Okay sweetheart, just no more tears. Ana wouldn't like to see you so upset and she'll be waking up soon."

"You think."

"I do."