Standing Still - Chapter Twenty

It's almost been a month since Ana came home and I can't say the transition has been easy. It's been a real learning curve getting to know Ana's new routine and working around everyone here to help her.

Holly comes everyday except Sundays and stays for a few hours at a time. She's really brought Ana along and seeing her progress is really amazing.

We have two nurses that work alternative shifts so there is always medical assistance available. Carol works days, has bags of experience and has really grown attached to Ana. Sandy works nights and sleeps in the one of the guest rooms as she is so rarely needed.

Mr Grey is back working part-time but most of his working hours are spent at home in his office. If he leaves he's seldom gone long and loves to annoy us all with his constant phone calls to make sure Ana's okay.

He managed to get hold of a dialysis machine a few weeks ago and had it set up in the master bedroom. It's been a blessing having it on hand and Ana has benefited from not having to go to hospital four times a week for her treatments.

Carol's worked as a dialysis nurse for roughly three decades so she knows exactly what to do with the machine. Ana usually spends three to four hours having the treatments and thanks to Mr Grey she can now relax in her own bed during those hours.

I'm very aware now of Ana's diet and to help with meals we have all adopted to it. It's probably done us all the world of good cutting back on our salt intake.

Still Ana has her good days and bad and it's always great to be here for the good ones. Ana's smiling and laughing and spending as much time as she can with the children. She gives them ever once of her energy and works so hard during her therapy sessions that I sometimes fear she will overdo it. When the bad days come and they sadly do, I seldom see her. She stays in her room and sleeps mostly and sometimes I hear her quietly sobbing as Mr Grey tries his best to cheer her up.

It's a good day for everyone when Ana is happy but when the dark days come I yearn to break free from the house and run away. Often at night I when I hear Christian's melancholy music and I instantly know a dark day is looming. It's as though a sadness sinks in from the open windows and infects all within.

Today we're fortunate to be having a good day although I'm not sure little Phoebe would agree. She's been fussy all morning and her cheeks are flushed, a sure sign of trouble brewing.

I check to see if she has a temperature but nothings changed so I make up a bottle to see if it will cheer her. She sucks enthusiastically for a bit but quickly looses interest and looks around for her mother. Over the last four weeks mother and baby have certainly re-bonded and now Phoebe is always on the look out for Ana.

Phoebe's soon in tears so I decide to find Ana in the hope that she can stop baby Greys tears. I find Ana resting in her bedroom with Teddy snuggled up beside her. She looks up as I walk inside and reaches out for Phoebe.

"Baby girl, what's wrong," she asks as I hand her the baby.

Phoebe stares still sobbing and pushes her fingers into her mouth. I see some drool drop down on the bedding and go to fetch a towel from the en-suite.

"Sweetheart is it those nasty teeth again," coos Ana.

"Mama, ma ma mama," Phoebe practically replies.

I smile at Phoebe's answer and realise it's the first thing she's said all day.

Phoebe then slumps in Ana's arms and I reach down to support the precarious weight. With my help we settle her on the bed and with the constant stroke of Ana's fingers through her hair she soon drifts off.

"I'm sorry I bothered you but I just couldn't settle her," I whisper not wanting to wake the children.

"No apology needed Gail, I heard her crying and hoped you would bring her to me."

"Can I get you anything," I ask suddenly feeling awkward.

"No thank you, you just brought me everything I could ever need," smiles Ana.

I smile back and pat her hand, she looks exhausted poor thing. I stay until I see Carol then knowing she's not alone I go back to my housework.

Ana's been working so hard that she tires easily and unfortunately the children never let her sleep for long. Christian's been on at her about hiring a nanny again but she got so upset that I told him flat out that a nanny was not necessary.

I do a load of laundry and make a start on lunch when I hear someone crying upstairs. Dashing up the stairs I find Carol bouncing Teddy on her hip as he sobs his little heart out.

"What's wrong Teddy bear," I ask him.

Seeing me he reaches out so I take him and wipe his tears away with my hanky. Amazingly both Ana and Phoebe remain sleeping so I take him outside and head to his bedroom.

"What happened," I ask softly.

"Bad dream," sobs Teddy clinging to my shirt.

"Oh dear, well it's okay now sweetheart. It's all okay."

He sobs a few more times then eventually settles. I give him his favourite stuffed toy then carry him downstairs.

"How about something to eat, are you hungry," I ask.

"Hungry," he says nodding.

I sit him in his chair then finish his lunch as he looks around sleepily.

"Mommy," he suddenly asks.

"Mommy's sleeping," I explain.

"Mommy," he asks again.

Oh no his face is getting red and I fear he's getting ready to throw another tantrum. He's been doing that more and more often lately especially during the times when he can't be with Ana. I know he senses something's not quite right with his mother and so acts out but it's getting really annoying.

He threw what Mr Grey refers to as a level five yesterday and we were all tearing our hair out. He only calmed down because Ana came down from her nap to see what was going on. Mr Grey looses his patience with him and tends to shout which only makes it worse. I've starting bargaining with him which also doesn't help, but I just what him to be quiet so he doesn't upset Ana.

I pass him his lunch and even give him some of his favourite chocolate cake in the hopes of preventing a melt down. I know I shouldn't reward bad behaviour but he's only three and going through a really hard time right now.

"Got cake," he exclaims then smiles like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

I can't help but smile back, his happiness almost as infectious as his mothers. I watch him tuck in and bask in the momentary silence. It won't last I know but for now I intend to enjoy it.