Standing Still - Thirty-one

Today is the day of the dedication and opening of the Matthew Reynolds memorial wing at Washington University Medical Centre. So many people will be in attendance including the media and various hospital superintendents. Police and ambulance workers as well as many well known physiatrists and doctors will also be present.

I feel strangely nervous as I dress for the special occasion, I've been to so many charity functions but none have touched home so greatly as this one will.

I also think my nerves are due to all the planning it's taken to get to this stage and because Ana will be accompanying me tonight and I don't think she should. For days now she's been so exhausted and even with Joe's help she's barely spent any time with the children.

I try not to worry but when I see her struggling each day it's impossible not to be concerned about her. Ana has a hospital appointment next week so hopefully we can get to the bottom of her exhaustion. Carol her dialysis nurse doesn't seem especially alarmed so I guess I will just have to hold it together until her appointment.

"Hey," says a soft voice causing me to spin around to it's direction.

I can't help the smile the spreads across my face as my eyes fall on my beautiful wife all dressed up and looking so perfect.

"Hey baby, you sure you feel up to this," I ask one more.

She sighs and rolls her eyes in that special way she does that's guaranteed to annoy me.

"Don't be asking me that all day, I feel fine Christian. Better than I have in days, I promise to say if I feel iffy."

"Cross your heart," I ask softly.

She smiles and makes a crossing motion across her chest then stands on her tip toes to reach my lips. Ana's lips are soft as velvet as I hold onto her to keep her in place.

"Are you ready?" she asks once I finally release her.

"Almost I was just going to ask you if my tie was straight."

"Looks good to me, let me just say goodbye to he children and I'll be ready too."

Together we say our goodbyes to the kids, we wanted them to come too but really they are far to young to stay quiet for that long. Joe and Gail are staying behind with them as well as some of the newer security staff brought in after Ana's accident.

Taylor drives us to the hospital at a leisurely pace with Sawyer sitting in the passenger seat beside him. We're all rather silent as we think about our destination and I feel my nerves beginning to grow again.

"You'll be okay, you've done a wonderful thing Christian and everyone will see that," says Ana suddenly.

She's stroking my cheek and squeezing my hand and I can't help but smile at her.

"I couldn't have done much without your help, I doubt I'd have done anything without you."

"You would have, I know you and the Reynolds needed your help."

I stroke Ana's pale cheek as we drive the rest of the way in silence and wonder if things had been different how much I would have helped out. I'm doubtful that without Ana I would have done anything at all. I know I wouldn't be walking around at all, let alone helping with Matthews memorial.

My parents are the first to greet us on our arrival followed by Mr and Mrs Reynolds.

I shake their hands then introduce them to Ana, it being the first time they have met.

Ana offers her condolences then shares a few personal moments of happy times she spent with their son. Mrs Reynolds seems touched by Ana's recollections and I'm momentarily absorbed myself by my wife's affection for Matthew.

Jim and Allison Fletcher are also here and I smile at them as make our way inside. A red ribbon is tied across the entrance and I'm soon ushered towards it and handed some scissors.

I give a short speech then cut the ribbon and in turn we all enter the Matthew Reynolds memorial wing of the hospital. There are a lot of people and soon the drinks are flowing and the chatter begins.

We try to stop and talk with everyone and many show their joy at seeing Ana looking so well. I myself have my doubts especially when she slows and I have to insist she sit down for a while.

"You look a little flushed, are you sure you're okay," I ask and I push her towards a chair.

"I'm fine, it's just a little hot in here. Besides you should be glad I have some colour you're always telling me I'm too pale."

I smile then sit down beside her, I can't fault her and it certainly is rather hot in here. We listen to some more speeches, Mrs Reynolds being the most painful to here. I can't begin to imagine what she and her husband are going through, losing their only child.

When Jim gets up to talk his story has me in tears, I didn't even know it until I felt Ana wiping them from my cheek.

It's still too hard to hear him talk about the accident and even with Ana here beside me I can't seem to cope. I reach out and take her hand and only then do I calm down and manage to find my control.

A few hours later and it's time for us to go when I see Ana struggling to stay awake. She's sat with my Mom and leaning against her shoulder as my Dad chats with Mr Fletcher.

Together we all get up to leave and I make my way over to the Reynolds to say our goodbyes. Seeing Ana they quickly understand and soon we're back in the car and on our way back home.

"You're speech was beautiful Mr Grey," says Ana as she sinks into her seat.

"I'm glad you liked it," I reply.

She smiles then slowly closes her eyes, they don't reopen so I believe she's fallen asleep. The drive back is equally quiet and only Sawyer and Taylor can be heard as they have a discussion up front.

I start to reflect about the event and sum it up in my head. I think it went well and the centre is certainly going to help a lot of people. It makes me smile to think how it will change someone's life for the better and I'm so glad that I was able to help.

The sun has set by the time we reach home and I'm sorry that Ana missed it. It was so beautiful and full of colours.

"Hey sleepyhead we're home," I say softly.

Ana doesn't respond so I gently shake her shoulder. When that doesn't work I shake a little harder.

"Hey baby we're home," I snap louder.

Taylor gets out and walks towards her side of the car and opens the door. He peers inside and I try to move Ana's arm. It's then that I realise just how limp her arm is and quickly panic.

"Taylor," I mutter as I look towards him in terror.

He pulls Ana's limp body towards him and checks for her pulse. I hold my breath unable to look away from her face.

"It's faint sir, Sawyer get the nurse," he shouts out.

I watch helplessly as Sawyer runs towards the house then move closer to Ana and shake her even harder.

"Ana, wake up."

"Please, Ana."

I shake her until Taylor prevents me, then watch as Carol runs up the drive. In slow motion I watch her work over Ana, fresh panic all consuming when she insists we drive back to the hospital.

I can't do this again, not again, please Ana. I think over and over as Taylors speeds through the traffic. Not again baby, not again.

Sorry for the long wait and thanks to Leibeezer and motherbeatrice for encouraging me to write more. I just got a puppy so things have been a bit hectic but I hope to write more soon. Thanks for reading.