Standing Still - Thirty-two
I'm pacing the bloody waiting room again, my mind in overdrive thinking about what went wrong. Ana had seemed okay, well at least better than she has been and I can't believe we're back here again.
I've called my Mom and she's back in the room with Ana. She's not alone but I wish I could be with her. I can't stop my pacing and can sense Taylor's gaze as my shoes squeak on the sterilized floor. I should be with her damn it but even with the fuss I created I'm still exiled from her room.
Finally I look up and see my mother approaching, she looks strangely diminished as she walks towards me.
"How is she?"
"Resting, sit down son," she asks quietly.
"Why, what is it," I snap back.
"Sit," she repeats with more assertion.
I sit down despite myself and watch as my mother sits down beside me. She reaches for my hand but I move it away from her with lightning speed.
"What," I repeat firmly.
"Ana's not doing well son, her doctors think the dialysis is less affective."
I stare at her disbelieving, I understand the words but not the order they're coming out of my mothers mouth.
"Less affective?" I question.
"Yes, Ana's just not tolerating it as well as she has been."
"What does that mean."
"It means," my mother pauses possibly weighing her words.
"It means that dialysis can't help Ana much now, It means she needs a donor."
"A transplant," I ask uncertainly.
"Yes, a kidney transplant."
"What about the function of her other kidney."
"It's not good. It might just give her some time before we can find a donor."
"How long."
"Oh Sweetheart." Here my mother reaches for my hand again and this time I let her.
"Not long, she's pretty sick."
"Does she know," I ask.
My mother nods her head and I bow mine, watching the tears drop onto my knee.
She moves her chair closer and wraps her arms around me and all I can think is, 'Not Ana, please not my Ana.'
Eventually I compose myself and I'm driven towards her room by my mother small hand. Pushing the door ajar I see her laying in the small hospital bed and briefly wonder how many beds she's laid in since all this began.
Slowly I approach and she looks up as I draw nearer. Tear track marks are evident on her face as they are surely on my own as well. I kiss her soft lips then carefully sit down on her bed.
"Are you in any pain," I ask.
She shakes her head and I'm grateful because if she was I don't know what I would have done.
"I love you."
"I love you too," she tells me fondly.
I smile shyly then take her hand closest to me and hold it in both of my own. I kiss it tenderly then hear my mother suddenly race from the room. Knowing my mother is crying makes me feel like a child again and soon tears are once again falling from my cheeks. Ana squeezes my hand and I'm amazed by her courage as she tries to be brave for the both of us. She wipes away my tears with her other hand and smiles so assuredly that I almost believe she will be okay.
Sorry it's a short chapter after such a long absence, but it was all I could write. I wanted to give you another chapter and I did. Hopefully a few more will follow but I'm finding it hard to get back into the story. I want to end it and end it well.
Thank you for all the kind reviews and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to continue.