Standing Still - Thirty-five

Ana's POV

Christian's been acting strangely around my mother since she arrived and now Grace is giving her the cold shoulder. I thought I knew why but I can't think even my mother would sink so low, is it possible that he's giving her something for her help.

I'm pretty low today and that thought running over and over in my head is not helping, I'm experiencing shortness of breath and with the constant fatigue I'm exhausted.

Christian's been my rock through everything but if he's really about to pay off my mother then I don't know how to feel about that. I don't want him to do it but I certainly understand the desperateness he's feeling. I don't want to die and I don't want to leave my babies and my husband, but can I truly go through with this. Can I live with myself knowing my own mother had to be paid off to save her daughters life. I feel sick thinking about it but what else could have caused their equal hostility, Grace was fine a few days ago but now the atmosphere between them is so cold.

Grace, one of the most loving and supportive people I know, if everything was on the up and up she would be showering Carla with praise. Everything feels tainted now and I don't know how to accept her offer under these possible circumstances.

It's been a day now since my certainty that something's not right and I've decided to have it out with my mother. While Christian's at home with the children I'll have her all to myself and I intend to get to the bottom of this.

I don't have long to wait as sure enough she pokes her head around my door, all smiles and I welcome her inside.

"How are you feeling darling", she asks as she gives me a cursory kiss on the cheek.

I strain to stop myself from wiping it away as I look deeply at her face, still doubting my own belief that she's lying to me.

I decide to have it out with her there and then and ask quite softly what Christian is offering her.

"I don't know what you're talking about", denial I knew it.

"Come on mother, he's offering you something. I know you remember, Carla Wilks doesn't do anything for anyone unless there is something in it for her."

"Ana, how could you say that. You're my daughter, I love you."

"When it suits you", I sob brokenly.

"I'm not listening to this anymore Ana. You're sick you're not thinking clearly, how you could think this I can't fathom but I'm here for you, I want to help you.

I stare at her again and she seems so certain that I almost believe her and I would have too if not for the deep blush seeping over her face. We may not share many things but Carla and I both have a tell and it's not something that's easy to ignore. Christian spotted it in me quite early on and it's been a nightmare over the years for me to slip anything past him, I blush and so does my mother.

A rogue tear rolls down my cheek and I make to wipe it away, "I don't want it", I whisper softly.

"What want", she asks, when I know full well she caught my meaning.

"I can't accept your offer, I should and believe me I don't want to die, but to take something for someone I despise. It would never work, my hatred would poison it.

"Ana think about what you're saying, you'd really decline my offer over some misguided belief. Think about Christian, think about your children, wouldn't you want to fight for them."

"I am fighting for them, I do it everyday, every breath I take I do for them. Even when I'm so wiped out I can barley keep my eyes open to see them."

"Then take it, if you love me or hate a kidney wont change that. If it's going to help you then take it.

Suddenly I sit up and grab her hand that's resting on my bed. I pull it towards my face and hold it there.

"Promise me", I sob brokenly.

"Promise me that you do this out of love. Swear on my life and my families that you're doing this for the right reason and I'll let you. But I swear on everything I have or ever will that if you lie to me now, if you take one penny from Christian, it will break me. I will never speak to you again and your grandchildren will become more the strangers to you than they are now."

I look at her face not blinking, not turning away. I need her to know that her lie will kill me, she needs to believe this. She pauses but doesn't avert her gaze, she smiles and tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

"I promise Ana, I do, I wouldn't take a cent from your husband or anyone else. I'm here to help you".

"Okay, good. I'll take it and thank you".

I'm back.