Transition Plan Chapter 109 - Searching for Jeanne Part 27

Authors Notes: The following harsh 'discussion' between Jack and Jeanne is full of anger and coarse language, and a few T-rated versions of the f-bombs that would have come from Meriem's mouth.

...

Locked in their standing embrace, It took a more than five minutes before they came up for air. They were closer than they'd been in nearly a decade and had no desire to break the peacefulness of their lips touching, exploring the taste and warmth of that closeness. The experience was delightful for both of them and they smiled adoringly at each other. They knew that this wasn't just a rushed kiss between 13 year olds while being attacked by the kidnappers. Jack knew he dare not let themselves lay down or the ragged edge of control they had in this long-awaited reunion moment would evaporate. He promised his parents, his sister, and Jeanne - never again would passion overcome common sense and moral behaviors expected of the Viscount of Greystoke.

When their lips were finally tired and that familiar tingle was at its peak, in German Jeanne sang his praises with her eyes gleaming in true love, "Jack... I can't get over it. Just like you promised, liebchen. You saved me!"

The limited German he knew allowed him to understood her, but he answered in French, "More than me, dear. Somebody else helped me save you."

He took both her hands in his and clasped them all together with their fingers completely intertwined.

She sweetly and innocently asked in German with an inquisitive smile, "What are we doing now, Jack?"

"En francais, mademoiselle, s'il vous plait. Nein ich sprechen Deutch, Fraulein," he smiled at her.

"Oh! pardonnez-moi, monsieur," she grinned at her boyfriend. She repeated her question in her long-unused native tongue. It was like speaking a foreign language. It had been nearly 5 years since she ever used it around Jaeger and the entire eight years on a regular basis, forbidden to do from the beginning so by Karl-Heinz.

Jack he replied in French, "We're praying."

"That would be nice, Jack," she replied softly.

Jack closed his eyes and led them in a deep prayer of thanksgiving drawing on scripture of David's Psalms and Paul's uplifting Epistle passages while being imprisoned by the Romans. He'd memorized those verses for just this very moment of rejoicing with her. Her spirits soared, feeling the immense power of the deep spiritual energy shared between them like it had never been before only inches apart, not thousands of kilometers. She wondered what miracles they would experience with that connection now never to be separated. Assuming God thought they needed that kind of relationship going forward.

She had nearly forgotten how to pray since leaving the Russian Orthodox Christian fishermen years before. It was too easy to get out of the habit living with people who believed in nothing and regularly blasphemed His Name. She looked at Jack in true respect of his faith. She wanted to be a good Christian girl again too more than anything. She closed her eyes. This wonderful boy's honesty, beliefs, and innocent strength would bring her back and drag her from the immoral and criminal abyss she was still living in. Of that she was certain.

She was just not prepared how much and how easily the morass would try to suck her back in.

When they had finished their prayer, she smiled and took a really good look at Jack's face, "Jack, look at you! You're more handsome than ever. You have such a manly looking beard. I barely recognized you."

She had to run her fingers through it with delight. The hair was far too tempting not to, and she'd just spent the last five minutes kissing him through it.

"It'll be all auburn when the coal black wears off," he joked.

"I can't wait to see that!" and Jeanne simply just pecked him, and as she did, she giggled.

"Never ever shave it off. Besides I like the tickle. It's like you make me feel all over whenever you touch me," she admitted. She loved him so much that she wanted to be absolutely candid with him.

"I'm glad, cherie. Before we get started back home, I have present for you."

He dug into the pack.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands," he teased. She was hoping for something to mark the renewal of their relationship.

She was very tentative and giggled again. Never once in eight years did she get a nice surprise from Karl-Heinz and his cronies, "Will it bite?"

"Only if you make it," Jack snickered.

But what he gave her was just as thoughtful as some kind of jewelry, and she exclaimed, "Oh my gosh!"

In her hand was the refurbished heirloom slingshot. It looked lethal just sitting in the palm of her hand.

"Well… I wanted to give you the original back, but the kidnappers broke it badly. The pieces are at home for you though. I saved it. A memory of our first months together. Plus my scar…"

She grinned and looked at his temple, remembering those first embarrassing moments of her too-quick-to-judgment of Jack's wild jungle boy behavior back then.

"That's sweet of you Jack, to keep it, but this. This is fantastic! It's beautiful and looks really powerful!"

"It is. It was my ancestor Count Aasgeir's. And it's just like you. Beautiful and powerful," he interjected. She smiled and warmed at his praise. Every compliment from him made her feel better.

"It fits my hand perfectly. How did…. oh…" but she blushed as he took her hand in his and admired and held it up between them while he explained why the slingshot fit so well.

"Recall when I held your hand when we were just 13? I remembered how your hand fit mine exactly and figured you'd grow a little more."

She was really deep red, "You, jungle boy, are the smartest and most thoughtful creature in the jungle."

She tried it out for fit and stretch and feel. She weighted it in her hand. Picking it out by herself couldn't have been better.

"Well?" he asked anxiously.

She picked up a big rock and knocked a huge banana clump to the ground. It was time for something to eat anyway.

"Aims a little left, but it'll do 'til I adjust the tension in the straps. Otherwise, it's perfect!"

They laughed, and hugged. She didn't let him go.

"A slingshot is very nice. But why Jack? I've got you to protect me now. I don't need a slingshot."

"Oh yes you do. Just in case we are ever separated again. In case I can't be there for you. Or you don't want me to be."

Jeanne searched his eyes. He was talking in sad, tentative tones.

"Don't ever say that, Jack. What kind of 'crazy talk' is that, sweetheart? We're together forever after today."

He prayed that to be true after what had to occur next.

"Never separated, eh? Even trips to the 'loo?" he joked.

She put her hands on her hips, but rather than scold him, she noted, "Haven't you heard of side-by-side 'his and hers' loo's?"

They really laughed hard at that. Life was going to be fun together again, she decided. It was like they hadn't been separated a day.

She asked excitedly, "What's next, Jack?"

She was praying for him to say something romantic like 'spend the rest of our lives together'.

But he didn't say or ask that, and she had a sense of dread.

"Well…? she repeated expectantly.

She could see he was gathering strength to say something very serious to her.

She tried to keep the silence humorous because he was too quiet, "You bought me for a quarter million Pounds Sterling, what are you going to do with me? 'Your wish is my command'." she said overly dramatically.

She was so excited to be back with him that if he had asked, 'Make love to me right this very minute,' she would have never have denied his desire to do so. Her virginity was for him whenever he wanted to take it. Married or not, but again she'd only play by his rules from now on.

With a huge sigh and eyes cast down, he stated gravely, "Well, Jeanne, we need to talk first."

This made her very worried and she asked, "Jack... wait... what you said back there. Are we mates? Am I the only woman in the world for you? Did you mean what you said?"

He said with true conviction, "Yes Jeanne. We are. As long as you still want us to be. I absolutely meant everything I said to them, dearest Jeanne. It was meant for you to hear, too. You have to decide once you hear what else I have to say."

She saw the hurt in his eyes. And then she really panicked.

"Wait? What? What's wrong Jack? Oh my God, there's still something wrong, isn't there, Jack? After all this time, please tell me there is nothing standing in the way of being together forever with you."

He held her hands and looked lovingly yet very seriously at her. Her eyes were moist. She was shaking.

He spent days and nights of practicing his speech. He started out well.

"I pray so, but that depends Jeanne, on what you decide to do next. Before we do anything together, before we say anything else to each other, I have to tell you something. Something important. Something you have to know that I can never hide from you and it has to be said now. The truth. Something that could change everything after this moment, and I would understand if it does. I cannot keep this a secret from you, and I wouldn't be a gentlemen if I hid it and you found out later. It would destroy our love then. But it could destroy our love now. It could keep us from being the mates we want to be."

She was absolutely riveted to his every word, and it totally frightened her, but she assured him very deliberately, "Go… go ahead, Jack. Tell me. I can take this."

He held both of his hands anxiously in hers. She promised herself she wouldn't let go. She couldn't. She was shaking. Nothing he could say would possibly make her let go. She was the one doing all the unforgivable things. Not Jack. Not brave, gentlemanly, faithful Jack. Nothing he could do would ever be unforgivable. He was a nobleman. He used every resource he could to find her, including his highly intelligent mind and unthinkable friendships with animals, even dangerous ones. And he risked his life crossing Africa by foot for a year, and facing off against determined grizzled criminals and executed both of them for their crimes right in front of her to avenge her years-long kidnapping. And because of all of that, here they were alone and safe together.

She looked for reassurance in his eyes, but could not find it, and could hardly breathe. She saw sorrow and worry in his eyes, but also still deep love. Love for her was still absolutely there. Not knowing anything else that was still there, she tried to make it seem not so bad.

"Jack, I don't see how you could possibly do something horrible enough to change the way I feel about you. I've done so many horrible things. I'm the criminal and the morally loose woman. I haven't even started to tell you the awful things I was made to do… and some I did on my own. What could you, a nobleman, do that could possibly be worse than anything I've done?"

Jack looked her straight in the eye and confessed, "Jeanne. When we were 16, I betrayed our love. I was not faithful to you."

She immediately thought, "Ohmigod. This is the unforgivable sin that God asked me to forgive."

Her heart pounded, but she tried to remain calm, and kept holding his hands tightly. She did everything to heed what she was asked to do. She had almost not been faithful. Twice. But she had stopped both times.

"How?" she asked nearly inaudibly.

"Over the spring and summer just before turning 16, just before I started my journey to you, just before your radio transmission, I fell in love with another girl. At the same time I was and am still in love with you."

"Oh, dear, no, Jack," she said, feeling something like a dagger to her heart.

She keyed on 'still in love with you' but started shaking, and asked, "Then what?"

"My relationship with that girl, despite all the warnings and despite her knowledge that I love you, 'it' happened."

"Oh, no. What happened?"

"We made love."

Felt her anger swell, "Shit, Jack. How many times?"

He was emphatic, "Once. One time, dearest."

In a world of illicit sex she'd lived in, been witness to and almost did herself, and almost was forced to do that for a lifetime, someone's first time, especially an only time, this was hardly a sin to her. Particularly since she had decided for a moment of time to have sex one time too - last night with Farnsworth. She shuddered thinking what almost happened years ago with Jaeger. She understood what Jack was going through.

Jeanne took the news surprisingly well, which really comforted the Viscount, "Jack, dear, I am disappointed in you. But compared to what I've seen and almost forced to do, that's not so bad. What could be worse?"

"I got her pregnant that first time. The only time we ever made love," he admitted.

Her eyes narrowed. She was really upset now.

"Then what Jack?"

"We did the right thing. I married her. But only for..."

"What?" Jeanne interrupted and shrieked.

She not only let go of his hands, but she violently recoiled and pushed him away hard. She looked for a wedding ring on his hand. There was nothing. She was completely confused and angry beyond words.

This truly was unforgivable, and now she didn't know what do to or what to say. She withdrew in the shame of being alone with a married man, even if it was her Jack. But she realized he wasn't her Jack any longer. He was someone else's Jack.

She blistered him before he could say anything else, "How can you kiss me like that or say you love me or be mates with me or 'be the only woman in the world for you' when you fell in love and married another woman and had a baby with her? My God no, no Jack! I'm sorry. It's just too much, I... I can't forgive this, no matter what. I don't care that in a vision God asked me to forgive you all of this. You leave me no other choice. Marriage with someone else is forever. Children are forever too. Just take me home, Jack. I will be forever grateful to you for rescuing me. Please don't make it worse by asking me to be things I can never be for you."

Jack knew he had completely lost control of a conversation he had practiced and practiced to tell her. He couldn't get the right words fast enough out because of Jeanne's extreme reaction. She had no idea this was just past history. She was definitely her mother's daughter with her lightning fast temper, a temper he'd experienced before, and was as ill-prepared to deal with now as he was so many years ago.

He fumbled to explain, "But Jeanne, listen… I haven't finished. Please, dearest."

She waved him off and shouted, "No, no, no! No 'buts'. We shouldn't even be alone together Jack. Don't call me 'dearest'. You're married. Married. 'Nice' married men aren't in love with two women. You've destroyed that dream of anything ever happening with us together. At 20 or any other age."

"But I haven't fin…"

Jeanne came completely unglued, "Don't lie to me, Jack. Do you know how much that vision and our kiss at Walvis Bay at 13 has sustained me? I lived for this very day of our reunion, and now… now you've ruined it forever. I still love you Jack Clayton, but now I don't even know why. I stayed pure for years just for you for this very moment. And now I learn you couldn't keep your pecker in your pants with some nobleman's daughter living the cushy life while I lived in hell every damn day. What kind of 'everlasting fairy tale love' do we have that you couldn't wait a just a little longer for me? What the hell was our connection about if you were cheating on me?"

What she said couldn't have hurt any more if she had stabbed him in the heart with her knife.

Jack tried to get a word in edgewise, "Jeanne, please understand. I have loved you deeply every minute of our separation. Even when I was in love with her. My love with her was wrong. It should have never happened. I was weak, but it did happen, and was a love that was both right and wrong at the same time."

Her eyes were nearly slits at him, "Don't give me that bullshit. I'll say it was wrong. What a freaking understatement. You, jungle boy, are no different than any of the assholes I had to deal with all these years. You're 'soooo noble' on the outside. But inside, all you want is a woman underneath you to satisfy your moment of need. You're just like any other jerk I walked away from or drunk I rolled or kicked in the teeth, or criminal I resisted because in the end I would have you to walk with through life forever."

Her words cut deeply, and he tried to say, "I can't be any more sorry, Jeanne."

"Damn right you can't. I endured over eight years of keeping myself pure for you. I was nearly raped a dozen times, mentally undressed by dozens of men, I've been chained up like an animal. I've shown my body to thousands of men I don't know and don't care anything about, thinking only of being ashamed it wasn't you alone seeing me. Jack I've been beaten. I've stolen. I've cheated people out of lots of money, stolen, extorted, and swindled. I've been in dozens of knife fights, had guns to my head and in my mouth. In my mouth, Jack! I nearly killed people. I swear like a sailor, drink like an alcoholic, and smoke like a chimney. I don't know how many times my life was threatened defying Karl-Heinz and tons of other criminals. For what? My dream boy, who I can never have now, stands before me just the way I wanted it to be the day of our reunion, yet he's married to someone else and a father begging forgiveness while cheating on his new wife and baby even as we stand here. Wow, Jack. Happy freaking 'Rescue Day'. I have lost everything now."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably standing before him.

Jack was shocked at how coarse her speech was, "Jeanne it's not like that. Listen to me."

She glared at him and hissed, "Why should I listen to one more lie from you? You're no different than any other cheating man I had to deal with. No different, Jonathan Robert Clayton IV."

He felt like his full given name, so often used by her in fun or teasing or love, was now uttered as a terrible curse. He kept his arms open but they remained empty of her.

She turned away from him, broke down further and cried out, "Papa where are you when I really need you the most?"

He tried to console her, putting his hands on her shoulder ever so gently.

At the mere touch, she whirled backed away and screamed, "Don't you touch me!"

She cross-armed him, and drew blood.

He tasted a mouthful of blood, and spat it out. He felt his jaw to make sure he had all his teeth, put his hands up and backed off, "Of course. You are right."

She didn't apologize for hitting him.

"Damn straight, I'm right. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just walk away from here, go back my crime mother Margrite and live a new life there with her. We just made her a widow, Jack. She loved Karl-Heinz. She deserved better but that's the only person in the world who loved her since she was 12. I never loved or respected her and she failed me so many times, but she was all I had to stop Karl-Heinz and Gunter from killing me or raping me more than a dozen times by now. Now I don't know what to do for her. She always wanted you and me to reunite once she found out about you. Now I have no idea what to say to her about you."

"I'm sorry. He was going to kill us. They both were."

Jack couldn't believe she had pity for Karl-Heinz, the very man who mistreated her for most of a decade and stole her innocent childhood.

She was not through with Jack. She piled on just like her mother did, and she hadn't even seen her mother in over eight years, "Oh, and another thing, Jack While you were 'boinking' your little love toy, I was working for a living. I actually liked being a stripper. It's the one harmless thing a woman can do with her body. All they do is just look at you and throw you money. And if they try to touch you the bodyguards smash their faces in and throw them out on the street minus their money and a few less teeth. No fuss, no muss, no bother, admiring my body and I get to go home without someone hanging all over me wanting me. My body is amazing Jack. Men love looking at me. Just look at it. And you'll never see it or have it now."

She was incredibly harsh. But he had been incredibly stupid. The flashback to the blistering he got from her mother 1914 was disturbing. He actually wondered if he really did want her now.

"But Jeanne. I have seen you. You are positively gorgeous. Your act was amazing… and I'm sorry, but at the slave market too…"

That made her angrier. He should have said nothing, "Don't stand there and ogle me like the others and confess your 'undying love' for me jack, because somewhere along the way love did die. All thanks to you. I never gave up. You did. For her. Hell, I don't even know your wife's name, for God's sake."

She shook she was so livid. Jack thought she'd blow a blood vessel.

She lied to Jack and she knew it. She would have been in Jaeger's bed the night of the vision dream and stayed with Jaeger forever if it hadn't happened. Jack wasn't even on her mind that night. She hadn't thought one second about Jack in over a year at that point, Jaeger was so mesmerizing.

Jack said softly, "It was 'Eleanor', Jeanne. Love didn't die. I love you more than ever. I had to do the right thing for the baby, Jeanne, before she…"

She cut him off. She was justifiably indignant and brutally blunt, "Don't give that sob story. After only batting her pretty eyelashes with you, a few weeks later you're between her legs. She'd got you in a single summer, and I don't - after 8 years of waiting and enduring everything evil in this world stacked against me. I had no real help but prayer, and half the time I forgot to do even that, I'm sorry to say. What's fair about that? God, I want to go to bed with you. Even now. Right now. I've dreamed it a lot more than that one night of the vision. Oh dear God, Jack, what about someone, somewhere actually thinking about doing the right thing for me for once? For us? Where did all that 'us' stuff go since Walvis Bay? Since our 13th birthday dream? It's all gone Jack. Just because you couldn't hold back?"

"Our love is still there. That is why I am here."

"How can you possibly say that? You have a wife, for God's sake. A daughter. How can you even talk about me in front of your wife?"

"She knew we were in love. She accepted it. She demanded me to go find you. She told me to make a choice. And that she would live with that choice."

It didn't register with Jeanne that everything was past tense. And Jack was so flustered that he couldn't explain it faster than she could yell at him.

Jeanne scoffed, "Now there's a woman you don't deserve, you cheating bastard. Well you found me Jack. Here I am. Now take me to Mama and Papa and let's just say goodbye, shall we? And keep yourself covered all the way back. I don't want to be reminded of what I could have had. And thanks for all the connections to help me through even if none of it was sincere. And go back to them, your wife and daughter."

Finally Jack had the opening he was striving for.

"Well that's just it, Jeanne. I can't."

For just a moment her anger subsided, and she asked, "You're still married, right?"

"I was married, but not anymore, because she…"

In her unquenchable anger she jumped to further conclusions and cut him off again, "Oh good Lord, Jack. Divorced for me? That's even worse. That's a sin in my religion, especially with you as a father. You're a despicable man. At least Karl-Heinz married Margrite. Now you made me a freaking home wrecker. Go home to her. Get back with her. Be a nice man again, Jack. Wow… And I thought I had changed for the worse. I'm as pure as the driven snow compared you, you sonofabitch. Just look at you. I won't stand in the way of your happ…"

She was seconds from having a total mental breakdown.

Jack had enough and this time he didn't wither in her verbal onslaught like he did at age nine in front of her mother. He grabbed her shoulders nearly crushing her in his grip. His strength startled and silenced her. Jack was more angry than he had ever been, not being able to explain himself adequately for her to understand, and screamed at the top of his lungs, frightening her further, "Jeanne Marie Jacot! Listen to me! Eleanor DunBroch and I were married less than an hour, before she and our unborn baby died."

He finally got it out.

Jeanne was completely shattered. She had launched into a tirade at her beloved before knowing a thing about the circumstances of his confession to her. She knew now that there was much more left unsaid by Jack, and she realized her own anger got in the way of letting him get it all out. She remembered being incredibly angry at a little boy in the jungle many years ago. In the same way, she should have just let Jack talk before becoming so angry. It was the same situation, nearly a decade later. Both of them were angry and arguing again. But with much greater heartbreak. But this time the scars were brutally emotional, not a physical mark on his temple.

"Did I just ruin everything with him?" she worried. She was so strident and so very cruel to him. Intentionally.

"What did you say, Jack?" she could barely ask in a whisper.

"Eleanor died, Jeanne. Of congenital heart failure. She had it all her life. And she was not even two months pregnant. The baby was just starting to grow inside of her. I didn't even know she was dying and was pregnant until her mother pleaded for me to come to the mansion see her in her last few hours. Eleanor tried to keep me away so I would go to you no matter what. But I married her on her death bed so our unborn child would have a last name and Eleanor would have my honor rather than her shame. And that she could die happy. And our child would be actually be remembered."

"Oh dear, Jack. How awful. I am so sorry for you and her," she simply responded. She was shaking with emotion. She could see the awful hurt in him being relived as he spoke.

"I didn't know, but Eleanor knew she was going to die right after we made love that one time, and she refused to see me, so I could move on and have you. So I would have no strings, no conditions, no regrets with her. Jeanne… I have plenty of regrets. Especially the pain I am causing you right now. Doing the right thing for you by telling you now rather than hold back secrets and have it destroy us later. Or me getting eaten up inside hiding the awful truth for all our lives together."

Jeanne was in tears of sympathy for Jack now, not anger.

"Would you rather not know about this, Jeanne Marie Jacot?" he challenged his true love, shaking from his own pain.

"No, cheri…" is all she could say in her shame by overreacting to the extreme to his sincere confession.

Jeanne didn't know what to do or say. In her hasty self-righteousness, the French girl thought she had this all figured out. Other men acted like she had accused him of doing and being. But she had forgotten how Jack was so unlike the awful men were that she had to deal with for years.

She felt was no more in control of herself than when Karl-Heinz ordered her every move. Her anger at Jack's unfaithfulness was completely overcome by sadness and grief and compassion for Jack. She actually had pity and sympathy for a girl who actually stole Jack from her and conceived an unborn child with him before both died. She wrung her hands. She wanted to go him badly now. But couldn't make herself. Not yet. This was all too much to absorb. It was so fast, so soon. So… unexpected. Of all people in the world, her Jack had wavered and not been faithful. The very man she held up as the stalwart pillar of virtue whom would never waver for her. This was supposed to be the second happiest day of their lives.

She knew Jack had done the 'right thing' not just for Eleanor but for her too. Jeanne knew that 'the easy thing' to do for Jack was to never tell her about any of this and sweep it all under the rug in a family secret. The chances were that his short relationship with the other girl would have never come up in their lives. But Jack would have known. Jack knew he had to legitimize a terrible mistake having a baby with the girl and it made a dying girl die happy. That was so typical of Jack. He made things right for the people he loved - even a love that he admitted was a huge mistake. But that's what her Jack always did for her. That's what drew her to him in the first place and why she fell in love with him. And she had just thrown it all back in his face.

Jeanne wondered if the situation had been reversed, would she have been as noble and unselfish as Eleanor, and knew she wouldn't have been. Not in her current state.

It would have been so easy for Jack have said nothing. She and Jack would have already been playing in the woods as Mangani mates. And yet he stood here and confessed it all to her. 'Her Jack' was so honest that he had to let her know, no matter what. Even if it meant losing her. She was ashamed she hadn't even asked him for his forgiveness on the multitude of far worse things that she had just listed for him. He'd said not a word of judgment or argument or raised his voice of any of those horrible things she'd done. She was all over him for this… this momentary lapse…

Tears fell freely and she felt awful, "Oh no. God, no, Jack. I'm so confused. I should still be angry. But I'm grateful you confessed all this. And now I'm overwhelmed. I… I need some time to think about this. Thank you for telling me the truth. Jack, I'm sorry… this may take awhile."

"We have all the time in the world, cherie," he said calmly.

It startled her. He'd called her sweetheart in French several times already, but what he just said was the line from the dream, in an entirely different reunion situation. It could not have been more tense between them.

Even standing right in front of him she felt as close and yet as far away from him as she had been ever before. At the same time.

"Do you want to be alone?" he asked softly.

"Yes. Please. I… I need time to think, cheri," she intentionally added. Right now, it was hard to say but she needed to. He was encouraged. She could see the slight smile that gave him hope.

"As you sleep tonight, Jeanne, I will keep my distance, but will be close enough to protect you. So the only person or thing you need to use the slingshot is on me."

She gave him a nervous chuckle at his humor and looked that the scar that was still there that she put on his temple so many years ago, under similar circumstances of misunderstanding of him.

"Damn my quick anger and sharp tongue," she thought.

"Thank you, Jack, that's sweet of you. I will sleep better with you guarding me now. I never trusted any man to guard me while I slept," she said sincerely.

This difficult encounter ruined her dream of nesting together on their first night. She settled into the beautiful nest he made for both of them and watched as he leaned against a tree about 20 feet away. It was amazingly comfortable, more comfortable than any bed she'd slept on since Jaeger's estate in the bed that the man kept encouraging her to share with him, and thank God she never did.

Jeanne was so lonely for Jack, but she curled up facing away from him to avoid any temptation. She said 'good night' to him kindly and walked over to kiss his forehead. He asked for nothing more.

She couldn't stand sleeping alone without him. But being unfaithful to her with Eleanor the way he did was just too much to forgive that easily. She needed time to work through this. She prayed she could forgive him the way he wanted and that the Lord had asked her.

Jack was grateful for one good thing - that she hadn't stormed off alone in the jungle back to Dar es Salaam. She was only 20 feet away. In time he prayed she'd be closer.

Her kiss and term of endearment gave him hope. And Jack desperately needed hope. He had laid it all out openly on the table for her.

She dropped into a deep sleep, being utterly exhausted from no sleep continuous physically and emotionally draining events of last night until now.

…

It was the dead of that night and a cold breeze chilled her awake. It was never cold in the jungle. Ever. She remained still, but opened her eyes. She heard a pipe song playing. It seemed to be coming from everywhere but then focused in one direction.

She rose up a little, and asked quietly, "Jack, do you hear that?"

She gathered the long tunic in her hands like a bride carrying her wedding gown train, and tiptoed over to Jack, and shook him, "Jack?"

She couldn't raise him. He was in some kind of deep sleep, but somehow she was not frightened.

The lyrical sounds were stronger. She felt a strange colored light behind her.

She turned. It was a small, iridescent-colored, but mostly bluish light. It was like a gigantic blue raindrop but with a flicker at the point, like a gas flame.

It moved. But not randomly. It seemed to move with a purpose. She knew it was sentient.

Jeanne asked the light, "What are you?"

She had an odd feeling of indignation from the light being called 'what'.

"All right little light. Who are you?"

It moved again and seemed to beckon her.

She followed. She left her knife behind. She had no fear of attack by a jungle animal. She felt protected.

At the top of a knoll by an outcropping of rocks, as the light hovered over what appeared to be some kind of sacred shrine the local natives created, it transformed.

She gasped as the little teardrop light took a full-sized human form with an ethereal background behind. It was a young woman a little younger than her age. Most likely 16.

"Are… are you The Lady Eleanor?" Jeanne asked tentatively.

The image nodded. Jeanne felt the 'yes' answer rather than heard the words. She felt like she had a connection, but it wasn't a connection with Jack. It was between her and the spirit of Eleanor. Jeanne and the spirit of the deceased Eleanor.

"How is this possible?" she thought but accepted that it was happening.

She felt compelled to speak to Eleanor, "I should be angry at you like I was with Jack, spirit of Lady Eleanor. Even if you didn't mean to, you took him from me. You stole his heart. When you knew I was already in love with him. And yes I know he loved you too. It wasn't all your fault."

She felt a profuse apology from Eleanor.

"I know Eleanor, but all this is just so hard to accept. I never expected Jack to do this. Never to be unfaithful… Jack has always been my rock."

Jeanne involuntarily closed her eyes, and saw a replay of that summer from Eleanor's eyes and mind and heart. She saw all the gentleness and kindness and gallantry and felt all the emotions and kisses and… as uncomfortable as it was… their swimming in the nude, passionate affection, and lovemaking, even the moment of conception of Meri. Throughout, she felt the mortal Eleanor's weakness growing. She saw that Jack and Eleanor were trying to do the right thing by constantly bringing up Jeanne in their conversation and trying to stop their love from happening and what it would to Jeanne, but seeing them make mistake after mistake. She felt their guilt and sorrow and regrets. She was there with Eleanor on her death bed when Eleanor sent Jack forward to find Jeanne and make the right decision, knowing all the while there was only one decision to be made. She witnessed the less than hour long marriage, but felt the ever-present love of Jack for 'his Jeanne' and his concern about what they were doing would hurt her, even though they did it all anyway.

Jeanne was bathed in tears at the end.

"Oh dear God… Jack… you never stopped loving me… not for even a minute. I feel your regret even as I feel your love for her," Jeanne felt more than thought.

Spirit Eleanor smiled and bowed at her. Jeanne felt the words, 'don't be mad at him. It was all a huge mistake'.

"No, I'm not angry. Not anymore. I can't be angry at him. I understand now. Thank you, Eleanor."

Eleanor gave her a pensive, concerned look.

"Yes Eleanor, I do still love him just as much. After this, I don't know why. I just do. Maybe I love him more because he told me the truth. The truth you confirmed for me now. I know you can feel what I feel. How can I not forgive him? Isn't that what you and God wanted me to do?"

Eleanor smiled and nodded, and there began to grow a white light behind her. Jeanne knew Who that light was.

Jeanne knelt and held out her hand, and the ethereal hand reached and touched back. The connection of spiritual energy was so strong it nearly knocked Jeanne flat, "I'm sorry you had to die, Eleanor. I would have liked to have known you. I… I think we could have been friends somehow, even with both of us loving the same handsome but really stupid guy."

Eleanor gave Jeanne a kind smile and Jeanne felt a feeling of similar friendship and laughter emanate from her.

"You're so beautiful, Eleanor. No wonder he fell for you. I'm nothing like you. You're so delicate and I'm a big girl."

"Thank you. I've looked better," she responded to a reciprocal expression from the spirit about Jeanne's beauty.

Jeanne sought the answer to the hardest question of all, "Spirit of Eleanor. I saw it in my mind. But please tell me again. He married you at your death. He is such a kind and compassionate boy. If you were still alive and knew you were going to live a normal life, and you had to do it all over again, what would you have said if he'd asked to marry you?"

She felt the answer. The same answer Eleanor charged Jack with. 'Go find Jeanne, and then make the choice'.

"Omigod. I would have never been that strong or trusting or be able to live with his choice if it wasn't me. Do you know what the choice would have been?"

She pointed at Jeanne and smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, but You give me too much credit, Eleanor. You were perfect for him. You were a noblewoman. I am just a commoner."

More thoughts came from Eleanor, and she made a hugging gesture.

"Yes I will. Someone has to take care of that stupid old 'softie'. It might as well be me. I can't dump him now. Not with over eight years of waiting for him."

Eleanor made a gesture indicating how nice Jack was.

"Yes, I suppose he is worth it, Eleanor."

They shared silent laughter. Jeanne cocked her head curiously, and asked, "I'm sorry. I missed that. What else do you want to tell me about him?"

Jeanne grinned broadly, "Really? Well…Eleanor, that is certainly good to know. I can definitely get a lot of mileage out of that for sure."

Jeanne laughed, but then she actually shed a tear for Eleanor. She had tried to pretend the white light behind and above wasn't growing much stronger.

Jeanne admitted, "Yes I know you have to go. Will we ever see you again?"

The spirit of Eleanor shook her head 'no'.

"OK, sure. I understand how hard it was to come back for me. I will be grateful to you all the rest of my – and his – life. Umm… can I ask you one more question, please?"

There was an affirmative.

"OK. Thank you. Lady Eleanor. What's heaven like?"

There was an apology and an amused look from Eleanor as she gave the living girl the universal childhood shaming finger-rubbing gesture.

Jeanne shrugged with a grin, "I know you can't say. It's all right. I had to try, you know. I suppose Jack and I will find out soon enough…"

The image smiled broadly and shook her head positively.

Jeanne looked at the spirit of Eleanor very seriously, "When I get there with Jack someday, Eleanor, I want to share tea with you. And Meri. And our children. Especially since we will have the same last name soon, OK?"

From the spirit of Eleanor, Jeanne experienced a very warm feeling of gratitude and friendship.

"Goodbye to you too. I will take care of him. You can rest assured of that, Eleanor. Maybe not as well as you. I am only a poor girl."

Another expression of praise came from Eleanor to Jeanne.

"Yes, I guess being rich in spirit is very nice, Eleanor, thank you, but being poor in money sure doesn't pay the bills."

They shared one more laugh, but Jeanne knew it was time. She let go of Eleanor's pure white and freckled hands and arms. Eleanor looked up into the heavens and her image vanished into a beam of brilliant white light. It was clear that she was not coming back. Jeanne jumped when a thunderclap followed the light's sudden flash.

…

Jeanne awoke with a start. She was back in the Mangani nest Jack had made. It was still the dead of the night, but she was on her knees like at the native shrine. It was raining hard all over her, and apparently had been and she didn't notice, until now, a genuine late night jungle thunderstorm. It was not too violent.

While still on her knees, Jeanne was getting more soaked by the moment and not caring, so she prayed aloud, "Dear Lord of life and all its mysteries. Thank you for your messenger Eleanor. She was so gentle and wonderful. No one but You could have brought me the promise of love and peace with Jack and me so convincingly through her. I've sinned against You for eight years, worse than anything Jack did with Eleanor. No woman is luckier than to have your forgiveness and the blessing you are giving me now, and the chance for a second chance with Jack and the life he wants to share with me. And now I need my future husband's forgiveness. Amen."

She got up immediately and dashed over to Jack. He was drenched too in his part of the tunic, but was sleeping through it. She wondered then how many other nights he did the same in the nearly year-long trip to find her after her message. He was such a sweetheart, even if he had been such an idiot in his affair with Eleanor.

He awoke groggily. She tied the long tunic above her knees in a knot to free her hands, and she grabbed his hands and arms and draped them around her and walked him to the nest and they reclined in each other's arms. She would take no chance a lightning bolt would hit the tree he was under. She couldn't lose him now that she just found him for a lifetime.

She begged earnestly, "Hold me Jack. Just hold me, cheri."

She guided her arms around her tighter. He was still half asleep until he felt her form in his arms.

"What? Jeanne? Are you all right?" he asked with worry as he finally awoke with a start and realized she was spooning in his arms and they were in a thunderstorm together. In their nest, he was delighted. She forgave him in less than a night. The dream of sleeping together in their nest was fulfilled after all.

"I can't say. Wait till the morning. Never let me go again, Jack, OK? Let me sleep in your arms, tonight and every night we are together. This is the dream I've had for eight years. I want to live it with you. I want to savor it."

"I promise. You don't have to ask me twice," he answered and increased his grip on her. She nestled into those strong arms. They were both soaked and didn't care.

Her shivering stopped in his arms before she slept.

Jack smiled at his long lost love completely enveloped in his arms sleeping contently, perhaps for the first time in years. He looked toward the sacred knoll the lighting highlighted. There was something else there he could barely make out.

It was a wisp. It was her.

He whispered toward the essence of Eleanor's tiny spirit, "Thank you for still being here for me and making it all right. I love you."

And just as he said it, it winked out of sight. His words of love echoed back to him like a kiss in Eleanor's voice.

Jeanne shifted a little, three quarters asleep, snuggling a little deeper in Jack's strong arms.

"You're welcome, cheri. And I love you too."

...

Author's Notes: Wow. That was tense. But now they are reconciled. Like Jeanne said, she probably would have come around to forgiving him on her own over time. But guardian angel Eleanor accelerated the process. They still have a long road back.

Thanks to minakogirl and Mari for the nice dedication and kind reviews to my story, as well as my other long term fans. This has been a really difficult week to be a writer on FFnet. There have been several days of total outages and nearly two weeks of lost data that has been really disappointing to gauge the acceptance of my most important chapter. What's worse is the Admins here will never answer your emails for help or acknowledge any problem. :( This hastens my decision to move all my writing to a new venue that I was actually invited to join as soon as we conclude this story of the Chronicle and put my account on permanent inactive status. I will give you details.

Meanwhile I will be posting chapters twice a week (Tuesdays and Fridays) until we are done. I cannot sustain three chapters a week. That was so we'd get to the reunion by my vacation because of the two week hiatus and by Labor Day here in the USA.