Transition Plan Chapter 111 - Searching for Jeanne Part 29

T rated for a lot of mild profanity and modified T-rated f-bombs and some disturbing nightmares and angry scenes.

...

Each night Jack and Jeanne nested naturally, getting used to being a Mangani couple again, generally spooned together, which was their favorite way to cuddle because Jeanne felt very protected by Jack that way, and were quite content. But Jeanne became restless over several nights. One night was the worst.

In her sleep, images swirled around her of the voices and threats of men she'd encountered throughout her eight year kidnapping. She was reliving all the terrible threats made against her that she barely survived. Knives were at her throat from Gunter, the gun was in her mouth from Karl-Heinz, she played back the attack in the dark street from the Greek business man, remembered the embarrassing stripping incident with Rolfe and the boys in his gang, she felt the anxiety of the German Lieutenant's and Jaeger's lingering eyes, she flinched with the choke hold of Farnsworth on her throat, and experienced in her mind other incidents which were no less fearful. She felt the suffocating weight of the chains and shackles at age 9 and again at the slave market, and the shame of her public nudity roped to the pole in the slave market.

In her mind, she was being assaulted by a nightmare man with many faces and many weapons that constantly changed. The imaginary man had the combined faces of the Kamerun boss and Rolfe and Jaeger and Farnsworth and all the other random men who had attacked her over the years, and every one of them had the same leering smiles and groping hands and the nightmare man threatened her body.

She was still completely asleep but screamed loudly, "No! Stop! Get away!"

She was wrenched awake, felt arms around her from behind, and the smell of a huge male body sleeping with her. She screamed and violently twisted to get those arms off her.

She kept yelling as she pried the male arms from her waist, "No! No! You can't have me. I'm saving myself for my Jack! Damn you! Get off me, all of you! Get off me! Get off me now!"

In her half awake/half nightmare state, he couldn't see who was behind her. She reached for her blade and sliced. She felt it cut flesh, and pulled away into a defensive stance ready for more fighting to save herself for her precious boyfriend Jack. She held a big flat rock against her femininity like a chastity belt.

"Owwww!" yelled man's voice very loudly. A familiar, cherished voice that was now in great pain.

She realized it was Jack the dead of night in a full moon. She was standing holding her knife, which was blooded, shaking in a deadly offensive stance. The man was laying on the ground twisting and holding his arm in pain. It was bleeding pretty steadily.

Realizing she had cut her beloved and not the nightmare man, she dropped the blade and the rock and rushed to him,"Mon Dieu, Jack. I hurt you. I'm so sorry. It was a nightmare!"

She cupped his face in her hands and peppered him with cheek kisses to soothe the pain and was aghast at hurting him.

"Omigod Jack, no! What did I do to you?" she looked at him frantically. She immediately tended to Jack's wound, staunched the blood with the palm of her hand, and scanned the darkness vainly for a spongeberry.

Jack could tell she had that terrible dream - again - and tried to be light-hearted, "It's OK, Jeanne. It's only a flesh wound…"

Jeanne was appalled at what she did to him,"No it's not. Oh God Jack, no! Look how deeply I cut you."

She embraced him in her soft bosom for a few minutes, and the blood slowed with her direct pressure on the wound. She got up carefully and did find a spongeberry plant nearby and put it immediately on his wound. The gash was clean and was actually more shallow than she thought.

"Scheisse, Jack, I could have killed you."

"Not to worry, cherie," he said softly, even though the cut stung like a million bee stings.

"I'm dangerous, Jack. I shouldn't be around you. Everything came at me at once. All the men who ever hurt me. Fick!"

Her cursing always got worse when she was upset and that constantly bothered him. it was not ladylike. It was always in German or Russian.

"You're recovering, sweetheart. Your father told me to let all your worries flow out of you, and to comfort you as much as I can as you return to normal."

She was truly shaken, "But what if I don't return to normal? What I did was anything but normal. Nice girls don't stab their boyfriends. You don't know what I am capable of. If you'd seen me in the Douala streets you'd be running from me now, not embracing me."

Jack spoke calmly to her, remembering what her father told him about what happened to his recovering soldiers who had been prisoners of war, "Nice girls who have spent nearly a decade suffering in the hands of violent criminals might, despite their best intentions, react strongly to people they love, and do things they don't really mean to do. Until the people they love help make the nightmares go away."

His words were soft and calming and so understanding. It helped her calm. She barely understood what was going on in her head herself.

She looked at Jack dejectedly, "Did Papa tell you that 'reacting strongly' could mean stabbing you?"

He answered, "No, but he did say all the horrible things might make you say and do things you don't want to. Like all your swearing."

"I know Jack. I'm sorry. I know nice girls don't swear like Russian sailors. I... I can't help it when I'm upset. And I am upset too much..."

He had an opening to comment by her own embarrassment, "But sweetheart, you're a nice girl and yet you do."

She nearly cried, "I know…"

She knew she was a huge disappointment to Jack, despite all his kindness and understanding. There were so many things she did wrong all the time that were completely unacceptable in a genteel society.

She wanted to disappear, but Jack suggested, "It might be best if part of each day we let you talk about all the awful events that happened, so it all comes out in the open when you are awake and we can talk about it all. I will be here to listen as you let the pain go. So it's not all bottled up inside and the nightmares come out. Your dad said we should to it. It's what he's done to all the French soldiers held in prisoner of war camps. Your papa says it works very well."

"Well, OK, Jack. I will try, but Papa doesn't have to listen to my terrible life. You do. Jack, I don't want to relive any of that for you. I don't want you to hear how awful things were or how awful I might still be inside. You might change your mind about me."

He held her tighter in his grasp. She didn't want him to let go. It was so comforting to her as he said, "I would never ever do that. I will never leave you. I love you."

"You may love me Jack, but I want you to like me too. My biggest fear is that I am really Meriem and not Jeanne anymore, and that Meriem will control all my actions and my thoughts. That frightens me, Jack."

"When did 'she' ever control you?"

"When I was Jaeger's intern. And his girl. I nearly left you and everything else behind that is dear to me. Jack, you fell in love with Eleanor but you didn't stop loving me. I did. I forgot I loved you when I was with Jaeger. Until the dream. That yanked me back to reality. I am not sure you could forgive me if you had found me sleeping with Jaeger as his girl. That was all by my choice, dear."

He assured her, "Of course I would forgive you. It still wasn't you making those choices, dearest. Meriem was Jaeger's girl. Not you. Jeanne Marie Jacot is my girl. You said so. That cute 13 year old Jeanne told me that and I still hear her in my head. That's not Meriem in control. It's Jeanne. It's you. You are in control now. Meriem is just as dead as Karl-Heinz, the man who created Meriem."

His kind understanding helped. He was exactly right, and she tried hard to believe him, "Yes. Jack, yes. I am your girl. Meriem was definitely was Jaeger's. Help me Jack to make sure Meriem doesn't control me anymore, or force me to make bad decisions."

"Of course I will."

Jeanne admired Jack that he could put it all in such simple terms. He was working hard at removing the confusion from her mind. Papa taught him well about how to cope with her deeply troubled mind.

"Thank you sweetheart," she said and she let him cuddle her, but he winced when she touched the gash.

"Are you sure you are going to be OK?" she asked.

"Well if you make me a poultice I will be."

"I'll do that. Of course."

She got up again, prepped it, and applied it, and he smiled with the soothing feeling of the herbal medications, "Wow, that's pretty good. You remembered."

"I hate to say I made more than a few of these for me and my gang after all the fights. Including this scar here on my jawline. I was afraid I was going to bleed to death. An adult with a big knife got lucky in a street fight. I was so mad that he lost three fingers after he did that to me and I broke his blade and he fled with his gang. Those guys never bothered us kids again."

"Oh dear…"

"But that was a long time ago. I'll be fine now," she smiled weakly at her boyfriend.

"As long as feel you are. Come now, come back with me to our nest. Let's get a good night's sleep, Jeanne."

"Our nest. That sounds nice, Jack," she said with a happier gleam in her eyes for him.

"It is, dear. For a nice girl like Jeanne Jacot," he offered.

She picked up on that rhythm of assurances and added, "And a nice boy who loves me no matter what - like Jack Clayton."

"You got that right."

They snuggled without incident the rest of the night. She was curled into his grasp in an almost fetal position for closeness.

...

That was the last time for that kind of violence. The nightmares still came and went, but were less intense each time. Jack was aware of them and he often jostled her awake and they turned and talked them out. It worked better each time. She also often called out and moaned in short but intense night terrors about her past, and when those times happened, he often kissed her on the neck and behind the ears with soft reassuring words, and in her half-awake state he soothed her, "I'm here for you Jeanne. I'm right beside you. It's just a night terror you're having, dear. It's not real. I'm right beside you, your Mangani mate Jack."

He constantly planted soothing thoughts words in her head to replace the horrible ones, so she'd sleep better. It worked nearly every time. It became a mental discipline to overcome the deeply embedded thoughts of eight years of abuse and violence.

Invariably her calmer, contented response would be, "You're sweet, Jack, thank you for helping me. I believe you. I love you. I know that is you hugging me tight and not anyone else who would harm me."

But Jack's disappointment and her frequent exasperation with her continued nasty personal habits and her continued very low self-esteem and self-worth was still an issue.

…

Incipient alcoholism was beaten and smoking with it, but her swearing lingered. She slipped so many times, and apologized each time. But there seemed to be no improvement.

One day, Jack had about enough and she was in tears over it, but still suggested cheerfully, "I have a solution, Jeanne."

"What, Jack?"

"We stop talking German. And French. And Italian and Russian and Greek. And Portuguese. Or any other European language you know. From now on, only in Mangani."

"Why make me speak just Mangani, sweetheart? I know that language well, too," she puzzled.

"Because there is no profanity in Mangani."

She hugged and gave him a relieved smooch, "You're brilliant, Jack."

Jack grinned ear to ear, "I so love it when you say things like that! C'mon, sweetheart, tell me that again."

"Don't push your luck on that, jungle boy" she said snidely. They both laughed, but she suggested, "Let's make one exception."

"Oh? What? Russian?" he joked. He didn't know a single word in Russian. And he knew just about every other word she spoke in Russian was profanity.

"No silly. Definitely not Russian, I'm a worse cusser in Russian than German. The sailors cussed all the time just to stay in practice!" she chuckled and so did Jack.

"What then?"

"English. I barely know any English. The English conquered all those German colonies but the everyday language remained German. And Karl-Heinz forced me to learn German since I was a little girl. When we go to the Castle I will need to be sociable with the villagers, right?"

"Well yes. Everyone will want to meet you. They pretty much only speak English and Gaelic."

"Then teach me English, with no curse words."

"And Gaelic," he added, "Remember, I live in Scotland."

She smiled, "There's got to be plenty of swear words in Gaelic."

"But only I know them and I won't teach you any of them," he grinned.

"Oh you brilliant, sweet, lovable Scotsman."

"That's more like it, dear!"

They got all tangled up in a very close hug and kiss, but controlled themselves, holding fast to their promise. Jack started to think about asking Jeanne to make a new promise.

One she'd have to keep a lifetime.

…The Treehouse. Several weeks later…

The Jacot's and Clayton's and all the kids were gathering for a week or two in the deep woods with the gorillas. They all needed a break to take their minds off all the worry about how Jack and Jeanne were doing. Okpara was going with them again, was hand in hand with Lily, and stole a kiss from her when he thought Jane and Tarzan weren't looking. She gave him a very loving look and placed her hand on his dark brown chiseled chest. She liked the tight black body hair curls that extended from his chest, concentrated around his masculine parts and continued all the way down his powerful legs. He needed a thorough grooming today in the wild when the gorilla Mangani got reacquainted with their humans, she decided. Her betrothal bracelet still adorned her left wrist, but all her Nigerian jewelry and waist cord were put away until they returned from the deep woods. Okpara admired the entirely natural beauty of his fiancé that matched his own state. She was much shapelier than any Nigerian girl her age or even older.

Jane greeted everyone cheerily as the Jacot's arrived soon after, "So glad you are all here."

Josephine replied to her best friend, "We're all excited about going, Jane. I really do like living this way, and goodness knows Armand likes me to."

They all laughed. Everyone knew Etienne was a direct result of another great time in the jungle together with the Clayton's and the gorillas.

Jane went back to nursing Andrew, so he'd fuss less as they trekked into the deep woods. Michelle was always fascinated by Lady Jane doing that, so she watched and learned. Her mother did that with Etienne at home too, but it was much more noticeable when both mothers were natural. Jane and Josephine took time to explain all about nursing to Michelle so she'd be ready and eager to do so. Lily was already planning on nursing her future children and encouraged her too. She smiled at her mother. Her new baby brother Andrew was so sweet at their mother's breast. Elisabeth liked watching the little guy nurse too.

But soon, Paul got Michelle's attention quietly and beckoned her into the trees canopy above. It had been awhile since they'd seen each other. She smiled knowing they hadn't properly greeted each other or been together naturally for awhile. The adults seemed to be concentrating on something else, and neither of them would be missed for a few minutes to get reacquainted the way they liked. Out of sight of their parents, their lips found each other pretty quickly along with the fun of a Mangani style natural hug.

Armand looked like the cat that ate the canary upon his arrival after his always-difficult climb up the main trunk to the treehouse. He threw a well-worn several months old newspaper on the kitchen table, after first kissing Josephine and slapping her on her bare rump.

"Oooh! Armand! Can't you wait?" she exclaimed and kissed him as he winked at her. Tarzan and Jane just rolled their eyes at each other over their perennial lovebird best friends.

Tarzan then got a good look at the newspaper and raised an eyebrow, "It's in Arabic, Armand. How are we supposed to read this?"

Armand grinned, "I'm amazed Jonathan. There is actually a language I know that you don't?"

Everyone had a good chuckle about that.

Armand was just about to bust a gut with the news, "Let me do the honors, then my friend. It says:

Dar es Salaam Gazette

EXTRA! EXTRA! Riot Occurs in Secret Illegal Slave Market.

Sales stopped mid day. Slavemaster killed in gunfight and auctioneer and cashier jailed.

Assets and records seized. Over 90 slaves freed.

Scotland Yard and Bobbies unite in searching city to locate and liberate slaves sold in past several months, especially children. Brothels raided in search of recently sold slaves. 214 rescued and freed, returned to families.

Slave market burned to the ground by authorities.

Mystery surrounds the bearded man who started the riot (shown), but escaped with a record sale price for a slave girl (pictured) he bought.

Whereabouts and identities of both unknown. Original owners of slave girl missing.

"You only need to look at the picture, Jonathan and Jane," Armand said with a sly grin.

Jane's eyes got huge, "Oh for goodness sake. That can't be."

Tarzan's face drew up in to a very broad, proud smile, "I'd recognize those dreads anywhere, Jane, dear."

The adults and Lily hovered over the nearly full front page photograph. It showed Jack racing out of the market carrying Jeanne and both were dressed in desert-style tunics. Jack had a very determined look and appeared to be running at full bore. Jeanne was shown still clad in irons for her sale, and the tunic was just barely covering her.

Armand noted, for everyone, having seen the article already, "Jeanne was definitely one of the slaves for sale that day. Unbelievable. Like something from colonial times. And Jack saved her. Her beautiful hair… so short now."

"But look at Jeanne's face," Josephine exclaimed.

She was hugging him for her life as best she could in her restraints, her eyes were focused on Jack, were bright and happy, and she displayed the biggest smile Josephine had ever seen on her daughter.

Josephine cried happy tears for all of them, "Mon Dieu, they're safe. Our dear sweet baby Jeanne is free at last. Because of your Jack!"

Jane noted, "Now it's just a matter of time before they are home. I bet it'll be awhile. Look at them."

Josephine noted the same thing. "It's so obvious. They're still in love."

The women hugged in utter joy, and Josephine said to both Tarzan and Jane, "We're so very proud of your son."

"Look at Jack's beard! How manly my brother is," Lily gushed.

Michelle and Paul, clueless to the proceedings just now, rushed from the trees into the kitchen out of breath, with Elisabeth not far behind.

Paul urged in perfect Mangani, "C'mon you guys, aren't we ever going to go the nest?"

All four parents could not escape the fact that Michelle was holding Paul's hand, and it was clear from their flushed looks they had been kissing. It was not a mistake. The pair wanted everyone to know. That was not the only couple holding hands, as Lily and Okpara stood close together and smiled at the younger pair. Now the parents knew what they already knew. Josephine and Armand looked at each other in a true deja vu moment. They were also 10 when they claimed each other for life.

…East Central Africa...

Things settled down for awhile for Jeanne and Jack, after more rough edges and lapses into bad behavior.

She'd let him lead her by the hands with her eyes closed into a clearing where a cheery fire and a dinner waited for her. He even figured out who to make candles from some animal tallow.

She gasped at the romantic sight. He served her a beautiful dinner of jungle hare, garnished with some tasty roasted ants on makeshift plates carved from melons. He even found some bee larvae and honeycomb, which he knew she loved. And she hadn't had for over eight years.

He announced in a mix of fluent Mangani and English for words the gorillas didn't have, "It's a feast special for you. For us. It's been nearly four months back together."

They sat down, said a joint prayer blessing their food as always, and shared the meal together.

When they were about done with the meal, she said in pretty good English with a delightful French accent, "Thank you sweetheart, but I really don't deserve this. I still have a long way to go to be normal. You are too good to me."

She pecked his cheek.

"Of course you do Jeanne, that is what two people who love each other do. Getting you more used to what a Viscount and his… steady girlfriend... do together and for each other."

He almost said fiancé. It was close to being time to ask.

She put down the bones she'd been gnawing on and put her hands up in dismay, "But I've never done anything like this for you since we've been together. It's all you taking care of me and my needs and problems. I… I can't even conceive of doing one kind thing for you… 'just because'. That's Meriem. Jeanne would have done something nice. And she didn't. She hasn't. I can't anymore. I don't remember how."

"Sure you do. Just being together is enough."

"But how long will that be enough, Jack? How long do you dote on me before I actually do something nice for you, too? Jack I don't deserve you. Much less become a noblewoman some day. Look at me!"

"I do all the time. You are absolutely drop dead gorgeous."

She appreciated his compliment, but snapped, "Even female praying mantises are beautiful until they bite their mates' heads off."

She stood in anger. Not at Jack, but at herself, and wrung her hands.

"Jack, oh dear me. I am not worthy of being yours. You have so much. I am not only a commoner, but I am nothing more than a common criminal. Like I told you. I even pickpocketed you dearest. A few weeks ago I had your bag of gold and money in my hands, and wanted to run away with it back to my life in Dar es Salaam.

"We've been through this before. I have forgiven every one of those things. You didn't mean to steal from me. And you didn't run."

He'd noticed the bag was disturbed, but had said nothing. The rings were still hidden though.

Jeanne fretted, "But I wanted to run Jack. That's the thing. I wanted to."

"That was the Meriem still in you dragging you back to the old ways."

She shook her head in dismay, "I don't know, Jack. I don't know if Jeanne is strong enough to fight her way back again to replace Meriem. And I don't know if you want the girl I have become, Jack. It's even worse than I've said."

She told him things yet unsaid in a long litany of confessions. All the things she was most ashamed of and hadn't told him yet.

Some of those things were pretty shocking to him, but he said, "But Jeanne, those are all in the past. You are here with me. My Mangani female promised mate. A nobleman's steady girlfriend."

She shouted, clenching her fists now, "No! I shouldn't be yours. I should be behind bars or have been hung by the neck with Jaeger. I am no better than any of those people who are in jail or dead. I helped them do their crimes. They got punished because of what I did for them. I'm just as guilty. I'm just lucky that you saved me."

"They forced you," he emphasized, a little louder and more stern than he had intended.

"But I obeyed them. I was so afraid of dying, of being killed, of being assaulted, of being sold earlier than it happened. I did all those things because I was afraid. Afraid, Jack. Afraid for me, afraid for you, afraid for my parents. Afraid that 'us' might never happen. Afraid that you might not want it to."

Jack responded, "But it did. Just like we always wanted 'us' to happen. Look at you and me. Here we are. Alone in the jungle like we always wanted. After 8 years of change. We still love each other. We've become the 'us' we dreamed of."

Despite his assurances, Jeanne was getting more frantic, "I don't deserve your love. I… I can't be yours. I'm not good enough. I'm Meriem the foul-mouthed criminal you'd not be caught dead with, not Jeanne the tom boy little French girl you love."

She bolted in dead run crying into the jungle.

Jack got up immediately and yelled for her to come back.

She was very fast, and Jack was having a hard time catching her. She was smaller than him and there was less interference from the brush and branches. By kicking her smoking habit, she had twice the energy she'd had prior. More like the 'street rat of Douala' she had been.

He remembered this part of the trail on the way to Dar es Salaam. He had to catch her. He knew right where she was headed.

"Jeanne! Stop! Stop! It's dangerous that way."

She yelled at him, "No Jack, get away from me. I don't deserve you."

She wasn't hearing or heeding the warnings or what could be ahead of her. She didn't care. She didn't want to taint her lover with all the consequences of her horrible life anymore.

He was only a pace behind her now and he reached out to grab her, but she ran out of ground and started to fall, dropping into a raging rapids, screaming as she was suddenly descending down the cascades toward a gigantic waterfall ahead. She'd been so distraught she never even heard the incredible roar of the raging uncontrolled waters looming ahead. Even if she survived the fall into the water, the falls would drown her with thousands of gallons of water pounding on her from above and the churning, roiling waters below would suck her under. She was falling and maybe, mercifully, the pain would all go away, and Jack could move on from 8 years of putting his life on hold just to save and bring home a very damaged soul. Despite all his kind and supportive help, she had convinced herself that no one, not even her true love, could heal her.

She went over the edge and her fall to the rocks and water below occurred in slow motion.

"Come… back… to… me…" she heard his yelling in a dreamlike slow moving tone. She saw the fright in his eyes.

Jack ran fast along the edge of the shoreline and when he got to the precipice of the falls, Jack pushed off from the ledge and propelled himself with all his might to accelerate and close the distance between them before she fell into the waters below and be lost to him.

He flew nearly straight down like a bombshell and intercepted her. He reached for her. She yelped as one of his powerful arms surrounded her belly, but now they were falling to their deaths together.

In a trance-like state she could see him cup his hand into the falling water beside them like a living rudder, and it splashed all over them. Jack directed them the vine-covered precipice alongside the falls, and he lunged for a vine that would stop them.

Jeanne could hear him scream with their combined weights straining him as he closed his grip on a vine, shredding leaves to stop them, and probably shredding most of the skin on his palm. He managed to get additional grips on the vine with both of his prehensile feet. They slowed faster. She was ashamed of hurting him again. In many ways.

They were stopped mid-way down the falls, suspended in mid air, and the roar of the waters and the mist right next to them sprayed over them. The cliffside from which she fell was far above, and yet the roiling waters below in the falls impact zone were farther away still. He had her firmly gripped in one arm. She was doubled over that arm painfully and awkwardly, and both were hanging with Jack's other arm and both prehensile feet firmly grasping a strong vine that was growing into the canyon from the trees on the rim. They were swaying gently. He grimaced in pain, and she was sobbing. But inch by inch he moved up the vine with his free arm and prehensile feet and pulled them both to safety back on top of the cliff. He took her in his arms far from the precipice.

He carried her in an uncomfortable silence. When they returned to the fire by their nest, he placed her gently down on he ground, sat across the fire so that he blocked her way back to the edge in case she lost her mind and her way again. She sat silently sulking and sniffling.

He had said nothing to her the entire time back, nor had she to him. She was ashamed of what she almost did and also remained silent.

She could not even look at him in her latest disgrace. She was not sure whether she had wanted to kill herself or not. She had only wanted to get away from the man she loved to save him any more pain and sorrow. In so doing, her near death dropping into the falls caused him even more pain. She couldn't even get leaving him right.

Fireside, they sat far apart from each other. Since the reconciliation they never sat apart and were almost always touching in some way. Jack only stared at her without emotion while she cried and fretted. He felt like he was 7000 kilometers away from her again. She watched him wrap some kind of soft bark around his painful looking raw red hand that had grabbed the vine to stop them at the falls. She didn't apologize or ask him how he was or if he needed help.

But rather than be thankful for him saving her, she yelled at him in German again, "Goddamn you Jack, you sonofabitch. Why didn't you let me drown? Then you'd be rid of Meriem and all the things I'm doing wrong all the time. I'm messing your life up every freaking day."

Jack couldn't believe she yelled at him and she swore so viciously at him after he had just saved her again, and after so much progress in her recovery had been accomplished. It was like someone else was saying the words for her and that she was rejecting the help to become good again.

Jack absolutely had enough of her... her whatever this current big blow-up was. He reached his limit of being kind and compassionate and loving. He stood up and pointed an accusatory finger at her vigorously, and he absolutely let her have it in German. His expression was frightening.

"Goddamn you too, Jeanne, you selfish bitch. Stop this bullshit, sweetheart, because I would die if you died. Didn't you learn anything from me when I nearly jumped off that cliff? This is not just about you. This is all about us. My freaking feelings count here too!"

Jeanne was absolutely stunned by his completely unexpected anger and his extreme cursing. He'd never done that to her before. Every man she knew in the past eight years always yelled and cursed at her. Jack never swore and was rarely angry. It seized her attention.

"Omigod, Jack sounds like Karl-Heinz!" she realized.

She was ashamed. Rather than accept all Jack's help to bring her back to his world, she had just dragged him into the gutter where Meriem and all the slimy people she grew up lived.

Jack was on an angry roll. Very angry. His chest rose and fell in great gasping angry breaths. He'd been understanding and supportive for months. She just about threw everything away in minutes.

"Jeanne? Why on earth would you desperately run away from everything that is good again in your life? Just like that - without even thinking? We were having a good time. A celebration for all your progress. Where are we now?"

She responded instantly, "Because everything good that comes into my life gets destroyed and turns to shit, Jack. By all the horrible people I'm forced to deal with."

Jack's tone was suddenly softer but he had to get her to accept what happened was her responsibility, "All the people that did you harm every day are all dead, Jeanne. Or in prison. Or far away and can't hurt you now. We're alone in the jungle. And I am here to protect you from any harm. No one bad in your life did anything to you tonight."

She realized she ruined everything all by herself, "Oh dear God… I am so sorry. I destroyed everything good tonight all by myself! It's like I want everything to all go bad... I only have myself to blame. For all of this..."

She buried her face in her hands and dropped to her knees, the anger gone, crying once again. She didn't know who she was again. Jack approached her and she let him embrace her, and then the tears really gushed. She cried long and hard.

The crying started to subside, and all that was left of her anguish were heaving sighs and sniffling. Jack stopped yelling at her now that she got her to start talking again. His tone instantly was soft and loving, "Jeanne. Sweetheart. I love you. No matter what you did and why you did it. Tonight or any night, and all the days and years passed. I promised you that when we were just 13. What part of you can't remember that?"

She calmed, "I remembered all of what you said. I…. I thought I was too bad for too long for you to keep that promise. No one in eight years ever kept their promises. Every promise was broken or was a lie."

"I always keep my promises. Despite happened with Eleanor."

"Yes you do, Jack."

It was much calmer between them.

She stopped her crying, smiled just a little and giggled touching his nose with her finger, "You cursed at me, jungle boy!"

"You deserved it," he said a bit more angrily than he had intended.

"Hell yes I did," she grinned.

That made them both snicker, and she praised him, "Even Karl-Heinz would have been pretty damn impressed."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" he grinned.

She smiled back, "I'm not really sure. He was a world-class swearing machine. I learned from the best!"

Jack snickered.

"I… I'm so sorry Jack. I nearly ruined everything didn't I?" she said with cast down eyes.

The discussion was much more compassionate and understanding. They sat down, and held hands face to face very closely.

Jack reflected, "We did. But… Why, Jeanne? What happened? You were doing so well, sweetheart. We almost lost it all here tonight."

He was careful to talk about them and the trouble as a pair, not affixing blame on her now that she realized it was her fault.

She shrugged, "I dunno Jack. Maybe Meriem was taking one last stab to ruin my life before I let her go. Something inside me just was terribly afraid. Afraid to be normal again. Normal life has been an out of reach dream. I was afraid of normal. Or a fear inside me that there were still two kidnappers who'd just punish me again for wanting to have my orginal life back. Their shackles reached out of their graves to me, Jack. I felt that cold hard weight. It nearly dragged me under that black water at the falls."

"They're gone Jeanne. They will never harm you again. And I think we both know someone who'd protect us from them even if they did reach out from the grave."

"Yes, I believe she would…" she blushed.

She'd wondered right after the big fight with Jack if the shadow of Eleanor would always hang over their relationship, but more and more she realized the blessing of it. Not every couple got a personal guardian angel.

Jeanne laced her arms around the neck of the love of her life who'd just saved her life again, "But that's why I ran, Jack. You're everything that is safe and beautiful and wonderful in my life. I… I just thought I could never have it again, or deserve it. Or experience it with you again. And yet here I am in your arms again. Because you risked everything to save me. Again."

He held fast to her at her bare shoulders. Her beautiful breasts pressed a little against his chest.

"All those things, crimes, and sins you just confessed to, dearest. I'll say it again. I forgive you. More importantly God forgives you like the woman at the well: 'Go and sin no more…'."

"I know. It's just so hard to accept that. Nothing in my life the past 8 years has been kind or loving or forgiving. Nothing. Until you showed back up in my life," she smiled.

"I can't imagine a life like that, Jeanne. You were so brave so strong to endure it. It didn't take you over or consume you. You've fought your way back. You only have Meriem in your past now, Jeanne."

"I hardly think so after what I did tonight, but thank you," she noted and was feeling infinitely better.

It was indeed like a huge final heave of removing a great anchor around her neck that had been threatening to drown her even after the rescue.

Jack was sincere, "Please, dear, accept my apologies for being so angry at you. You are my entire future life, Jeanne, and you were running away from me to your death. I knew the waterfall was there. But you didn't stop."

Jeanne worried, "Oh dear I never thought about that. I'm so sorry. And I… I really didn't mean to almost kill myself. At least I don't think so. I've been so sad, so distraught inside me. I've made many mistakes over eight years. That one was almost my last mistake…"

"I can only imagine. I am so sorry, too. I… I couldn't save you at Kamina or Kamerun or at Walvis Bay. Your dad tried so hard at Garua. We were so close. This all could have ended years ago. We've spent a lifetime of near misses and apologizing to each other."

Jeanne took her turn at reassuring her love, "Thank God you didn't miss just now, sweetie. But Jack. No one could imagine sleeping gas, or a grenade from a jealous creepy man, or being trapped on a ship bound for Walvis Bay the day you showed up at Douala, and that Karl-Heinz would be waiting for us in the City Hall or we'd go to Tanganyika. Even when I planned our escape so well at Walvis Bay. It's all right. We're together now. The Jeanne you keep saying that's inside is extremely grateful to be saved and to be forgiven by her Jack. I am sorry I doubted your faith in me. I… I think I am going to be OK now. And if I am not, I know you'll be there again and again until whatever bad is still in me is finally gone."

This really seemed like a turning point to Jack for Jeanne. He saw her confidence rise. She could put words to describe her deep-seated problems.

"I will be. Count on it, Jeanne. I shouldn't have yelled. I should have been more understanding."

She snickered, "I think a little yelling is just what I needed. I've been yelled at for eight years. I don't respond to kindness very well."

He grinned, "That was a whole lot of yelling, sweetheart."

She kissed him on the nose and snickered, "Yeah, and a lot of swearing in German, too! But you mispronounced the word…."

He instantly covered her mouth and they both laughed out loud.

"Don't tell Mom, OK? She'll wash my mouth out with soapberry. Have you ever tasted soapberry?"

"No but the next time we bathe together, I will."

Being back together, bathing followed by grooming were the only intimacies they dared share not being married. It was too easy to lose control in each other's natural presence. Grooming demanded a discipline to not become sexual because it did involve touching and cleaning and soothing everywhere. It was intended to be that way.

"It'll be our secret," he noted and they laughed.

Jeanne asked, "Are you OK now? How is your hand? Is there anything I can do to make it feel better?"

"Nah, I think I got it wrapped in time. We sure aren't doing any vine swinging for a few days. But do you want get back on the trail, Jeanne? We can get an early start to our day. We'll not likely get back to sleep after all this."

She smiled, "I have a better idea. The sun is about come up. How about a morning swim in the lagoon pool next to the falls and then we go? There's a trail down to the falls. It's so peaceful here, and yet so close to those dangerous falls. Our life together is a lot like that isn't it?"

Jack agreed, "Great idea, cherie. And yes, that does seem to be our life. See, Jeanne there's hope. As long as it is done together with you."

She was very content at that promise, "I guess. You always give me hope. Why is that?"

"Because I love you."

"How do you know for sure, Jack?"

"I just do. I've loved you since we were eight. You know that."

She grinned, "I don't know why, jungle boy. I was so scrawny then, but happy that you still do. And I love you too."

"You're the only one for me. You know that."

An idea dawned on her and she got very excited, "We should promise each other that every night and every morning. Maybe it will get into my thick head finally."

"Every day from now on, then, dear."

"C'mon Jack, let's go swim!" she invited, took him gently by the hand and headed down the waterfall trail to the lagoon. The gentle swim was mostly kissing and holding each other in the cool waters and watching the sun rise on a new day for Jeanne. A new chapter of recovery for her had begun.

…

Each morning after that, both kept the discipline of words of reassurance and re-commitment and dedication they talked about, with Jeanne looking right into his loving eyes upon waking as she caressed his bearded face, "I am the good French girl Jeanne Jacot and I'm starting a brand new day God made for us in the arms of my wonderful boyfriend Jack Clayton whom I love and who loves me just as much."

Jack would invariably reply, "And I am the lucky Scottish boy Jack who loves my dear French girlfriend Jeanne who blesses me with every good thing that she is to me."

To anyone but them, the words would seem gaggingly too sweet.

To them, it was daily therapy for her.

It was a rhythm. The same words were said to each other every day for weeks. They expressed those words in simple but meaningful terms. Terms her still fragile psyche would absorb all the way down to her inner being. It began to take root. Her self esteem soared. Her confidence replaced all the bad stuff still lurking in the corners that threatened to leap out from the past trying to strangle and destroy her. But less and less each time their devotion was stated.

They always shared a morning kiss, and said prayers that always ended with the scripture: 'This is the Day that the Lord hath made. Rejoice and be glad in it.'

And slowly as the days went by, the doubt and fear and worry and awful images slipped away from her. She was much more carefree and fun. She laughed and giggled and tickled him a lot, and ran hand-in-hand with him more and more, with less pensive and sullen and worried looks. They spent more time in each other's arms. One day she was so happy she skipped. Another day she made him a wonderful dinner. Just because.

To Jack, it was like seeing a terrible, nearly-fatal fever break and he was watching the patient recover, relieved to have survived and renewed in their lives because they'd beaten death.

...

One day less than two weeks later, she danced and leaped joyfully before him as he watched from a seated position, humming a happy tune from her childhood, carefree and twirling with her arms outstretched like a little girl with flowers that she'd put in her hair earlier. It wasn't a burlesque dance. It was more like she'd do when they were nine and alone and she wanted to dance just for him when she'd just simply let him admire her beauty.

She said with exhilaration and relief, "Jack, I feel like Jeanne again!"

She pulled him from his seated position and invited Jack to dance with her and they improvised a dance together, simply experiencing moving in their embrace. They were extremely close together and their feelings soared.

She was desirable to him beyond words and it was everything he had inside to contain what he wanted to do with her. The feeling was mutual though, and she would never had said 'no' if he'd asked. They embraced for a long time with a kiss that took both of their breaths away. She caressed him. Their grooming that day was on the ragged edge of turning to something quite different. But they held back because they promised. Just barely.

Jeanne said emphatically, "I love you, Jack. Really really love you."

"Just like I love you, dear."

"Let's keep going west, Jack. I love this new jungle. It's like our new life together. So many new and wonderful things to see and do."

Her analogy was deliberate. And he loved the French accent in every English and Mangani word she said.

"Me too. And you are making it a lot more fun going back than getting here, sweetheart."

Jack began to think of what the 'right time' would be.

But he didn't have to think long.

Jack had just recently noted to her, 'Everything happens for a reason'.

It was obvious to Jack what he had to do when they got there.