Chapter 4: The Meadow
I am running through a field filled with the most beautiful yellow and purple flowers. Iv never seen something so delicate and exquisite. The meadow must be two times the size of the Falcon. I don't remember how I got here, and for the moment I don't care. The tall grass just reaches my hips and tickles my palms as I am just skipping around. I feel at peace and filled with such happiness. I notice the waterfalls, seeming that I was so focused on the flowers I didn't catch them at first. They are amazing, something I never in my dreams even thought I would see, that something like this existed outside my life on Jakku. I glare at the sun glistening off the flowing water. The waterfall almost perfectly surrounds the meadow, enclosing it. Just a narrow waterway leads out. Where am I? Do I even care? I close my eyes and tip my head back and just slowly spin around. Serendipity. I want to stay in this place forever, wherever it may be. It smells like honey and all these new smells. The sun isn't hot, it's gentle on my skin, warming me and making me smile. Hugging myself I lay down in the middle of the meadow.
Listening to the water flowing down the waterfalls, I feel no sense of the force in me but allow myself to open all my senses and relax my body. No voices in my head, just the world around me. Is this what death feels like? Just complete happiness. Resting my hands on my stomach I feel the most delicate silk made in the galaxy. I can only guess. Iv only touched silk once and Plutt almost cut my hand off for it. Saying I tainted the merchandise, he was selling it to a high king somewhere. I open my eyes and look down and I'm wearing a long silk nightgown. It was breathtaking. White with small gold flowers that ombré from the bottom up till they almost disappear completely under my breasts and blowing gently against the ground around me. It's a perfect fit. My feet are bare and I bend my knee and dig my toes in the grass. Enjoying the sensation of having no boots on. If this is death, I'll take it. The sky is so blue with beautiful white clouds scattered around in giant fluffy balls. I sit up and hug myself again. I never want to leave here.
A sudden bolt of lightening comes from one the the white fluffy clouds in the sky. It almost hit me. I jump up and star running, where am I going to run. I'm almost completely surrounded by water. The sky turned grey in the matter of seconds, the clouds clash and quake till there is no sun left. A chill in the air, and another lightening bolt. I squeeze my arms around myself, I'm afraid. I force to turn around to run towards the only opening I see and there he is, standing at the end of the meadow. In all black with his mask of death, just staring at me. The rain starts, just as a sprinkle, just little droplets on my shoulders and eyelashes. It picks up fast till its raining so hard it's cascades the whole meadow. I can't even see in front of myself, I try to turn to run the other way but my feet are stuck in the mud. I can't move. Kyle Ren is here, in my afterlife. In my meadow. Without warning a lightening bolt strikes down right in front of me, surely close enough I could reach out at touch it. It temporarily sends a shock through my body blinding all my senses. It's so bright, I can't see anymore.
My eyes spring open and I'm not in the meadow anymore. Instead I'm laying on the floor of a small square grey room with no windows. No furnishings. Just a solid door on one wall, allowing them to come and take me to my execution no doubt. He captured me. It was a dream. It was all a dream! The tears come flowing out. That was all just a stupid dream. Of coarse Kylo Ren had not killed me yet but took me from the island. He wants to finish torturing me and trying to get into my mind. Why was he in my dream? Why have I never felt that type of reality in my dreams before? Sitting up and bending my knees so I could rest my head on them, I wrap my arms around my legs and pull myself in as tight as I could. The sound of my own crying echoing off the walls. I was sobbing deep hard sobs, my eyes hurts. My chest hurts like it's empty and my heart was ripped out leaving a huge gaping hole.
"LUKE!" I cried out. Over and over I cried out his name. Hoping he survived and could hear me. Though I know in a thousand lifetimes that wasn't true. I don't know what went wrong, how did he find us? I nearly had a week to get to know the man who knew more about me than anyone. From one look he could tell my whole life story, said I told it by the way I walked. The second man I thought of as a father figure, killed my no other than Kylo Ren. One his own father and his the his uncle. His very own blood, how could a human do that. He isn't human I tell myself. He's a monster! A cold killer! I hated him with every ounce of my being. I should have killed him when I had the chance. But I saw a scared boy laying in the snow and felt pity for him. Pity that he was going to die in a pool of his own blood out in that forest. I look down at my own clothes cover in blood and dirt and Ouchh my head. Oh god my head, I feel for the wound and I quickly find it. Its encased in a thick layer of encrusted blood, at least it's not bleeding anymore but I know it was a wound that should of gotten medically checked. I feel disgusted with myself.
The door of the cell sprang open and closed with a thud. I manage to pick my head up and peak who it is. Though I already know, I can feel his anger radiating off him .
"Did you bring me here just to kill me in front of an audience?" I cringe at the idea of even speaking to him. He just cocks his head slightly to the side but doesn't speak. Staring at me behind the black visor of his helmet. Probably burning a hole in my soul with his pulsating anger. I feel my body start to tense up and the fire start to return to my mind. Grabbing the sides of my head and pushing my palms as hard as I can into my temples, I try and push back but I can't. He's blocking me this time. He's stronger, but he shouldn't be standing let alone alive after the way I left him. And it stops and I allow myself to let out a long breath, I didn't even realize I was hold it in. "Do you want anything? Because as you can see I have nothing to offer. You already took everything I have." I gesture my hands cell walls. He still doesn't answer so I lower my head back down onto my knees. "I'm just waiting to die", I mumble into my legs. So this is it, the end.
"I have not come to kill you. Just yet." He moved closer to me even though I feel there even enough room in the room for two people to be any closer. He walks around me. Observing me like I'm some sort of meat that he is about to buy. It makes me very uncomfortable, sending chills down my spine.
Coward.
He came to a sudden halt in front of me and forcefully pushed me back to the wall. He grabbed my shoulders and slid me up the wall feeling so hard I thought my arms where going to come off. "I am no coward. You filthy scavenger. You will not speak to me that way!" He demanded through his mask. The voice is so deep it makes my body numb.
"You... You... Stay out of my head!" I manage to say I between sobs. He pushes me even harder against the wall, his body is practically holding my in place. He is very tall, taller than I remember. He's warm, it's almost welcoming concidering I didn't realize how cold I was till this moment. My body is to weak to fight back and to weak to try and get into his head again.
"I would. If you would stop talking to me to me in my head!" He was trying so hard to control his anger. Even more now than ever I can feel it just piercing through my skin and feel it in my bones, just oozing out of him and his anger grew by the second. "You have no right to be inside my head." But your in mine. His body tenses for a second and then he lets me go. I just slide down the wall back to my position of holding my legs close. Suddenly missing the warmth.
"And it's come in handy over the past few days" he continues. His back up against the farthest wall. I hate the way his voice sounds in that mask. "Once I realized you could hear me and I felt that you knew I was there. I was able to tap into your mind and see where you were. It wasn't long till I got there. I should have guessed the old man would be at a Jedi temple. But I needed you alive and I couldn't have you going to warn that sulky old man about me invading your head. I waited till you were far away from him. But then you pushed back. Trying to get into my head from where you were and it opened you to a very vulnerable state and I was able to knock you unconscious from my head. Your so weak, like a child." He paused and took a step closer. He squatted down in front of me.
Stop! Stop!
I can't see him but I feel him searching my memories as he talks. I don't even try to block him out this time. I'm going to be dead soon anyways. I squeeze my eyes harder and squeeze my legs closer to me lowering my head as low as I could into my stomach.
He stood right back up and stared at me from above. He continued "It worked out better than I expected. I actually couldn't believe he was there. I knew you were on your way up the stairs. It's a strange thing, being able to feel your presence more so than anyone I have ever met." I didn't asked for any of this. " I kept him alive long enough to have you coming back to him. Just so you could look into his dying eyes. From behind you I stopped his heart. Dark side has power you can't fathom. You should of seen the look on his face when he saw me. I didn't even allow him to speak before I wiped him out cold. His power is no match to kind. Well, was no match."
The sobbing continued, I was crying so hard I swear my eyes were going to pop out. Why is he telling me this. I already know Luke was dead, I didn't need to know how it happened.
Why me? Why spare me?
I look up at him through my eyelashes. He turns around and opens the door with a wave of his hand. He looks over his shoulder for just a second at me, staring into my soul again no doubt.
'Because the Emperor wants me to kill you in front him'
His voice sternly says in my mind. Sending a wave of fear though my body. Then he's gone in the blink of an eye. The door shuts and I'm all alone again. I cry for Luke, for Han, for Finn. I cry because I'm even more lonely now than I was ever on Jakku.
Maybe death would be welcoming. Then I wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
No response.