Notes: My final Klaroweek update! Sorry it's a day late. I struggled a bit to get back into the groove with this one so hopefully in gets easier as 'December' progresses. Fair warning: It's going to take a while to get to romantic Klaroline and this fic is very much ensemble focused. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed and is still following along! I'm amazed at how popular these slapstick little drabbles have gotten and I always enjoy hearing what you think!

DECEMBER – WEDNESDAY

CAROLINE:

Caroline is in no way prepared for the traumatizing sight that greets her when she walks through the door of her apartment. It's Kol. Buck naked, though thankfully she can't see much. On HER couch. Wrapped in the afghan her Step-Grams had made for her when she went away to college. And halfway underneath a pretty redhead, both with a gross post coital glow to them. A post coital glow that was sinking into the upholstery. Gross. So gross.

This was a violation of so many rules and Caroline felt the irritability she'd been battling for the last two weeks come to a rolling boil.

She throws her keys on the kitchen island forcefully, and two heads swivel to look at her. The woman flushes and clutches her meagre covering more tightly.

Kol, the jackass, has the nerve to send her a lazy wave and a casual, "Hey, Caroline. You're home early," like it's perfectly okay that he's naked and defiling common areas when she'd explicitly stated, right from the beginning, that it was not.

And she was really not a fan of the implications behind 'home early.' Caroline was rarely home before six, unless she had an event in the evening, and events were marked in purple on the calendar she kept on the fridge. Kol would have full knowledge of them and he was smart enough to work his daytime booty calls around her schedule. Did his nonchalance mean this wasn't the first time he'd done this? She's pretty sure it did.

Drastic action was called for.

Caroline takes a deep breath, and calls on the drama classes she'd taken as electives in college, "'Hey, Caroline?' she shrieks and both the couch's occupants visibly wince at her volume, "don't you 'Hey, Caroline' me, Kol Mikaelson! How dare you!"

Kol's companion is looking anywhere but at Caroline and edging away from Kol nervously, though Kol merely rolls his eyes.

"After everything we've been through!" Caroline continues, flinging her scarf away forcefully, "I've given you the best years of my life!"

It's by no means the best performance she's ever given, but the girl on Kol's lap seems to be buying it as she hisses, "You said you were single!" and peels herself away.

Caroline lets out a wail, hoping it comes across as anguished, when she's actually trying pretty hard not to laugh at the soap opera-y ridiculousness she's peddling. She turns and stomps away to take off her coat, which has the added bonus of sparing her the sight of Kol's penis, because the girl is hurriedly shoving her legs into her jeans, leaving Kol naked on the couch.

Ugh. The germs.

"I am single," Kol insists, "That's just my roommate. She's a bit touched in the head, is all. Works too hard, sexually frustrated. Kind of a psychotic neat freak, too."

Caroline lets out a hysterical laugh, as she whirls back around, grateful Kol's covered himself with a throw pillow. "Oh, sure. I'm just your roommate. Your roommate who you cook dinner for nearly every night."

"I like to cook."

The girl is glancing back and forth between the two of them and nope, Caroline wants her gone.

"He helped my put together this outfit," Caroline says confidingly, looking the girl in the eye. "Sounds pretty boyfriend-y, doesn't it?" She gestures pointedly to the admittedly very cute floral blazer Kol had convinced her to buy a couple weeks ago when he'd caught her hemming over an online shopping cart. Lies always sounded better when you prettied them up with honesty.

"Is that true?" The girl directs at Kol accusatorily.

"Technically, yes. But…"

"Save it," she spits out, brushing past Caroline, snagging her boots from the floor before stalking out of the apartment and slamming the door behind her.

Kol and Caroline regard each other silently for a few moments, "Did you enjoy that?" Kol asks dryly.

Caroline shrugs, "Honestly? Yeah, it was kinda fun. Hope it wasn't true love."

"Doubtful. I suppose this is where I should begin groveling?"

"Couldn't hurt." She kicks his pants toward him, "Get dressed."

"But I do my best groveling naked."

"Perv jar," Caroline replies and goes to grab a bottle of water. She listens to Kol getting dressed behind her, muttering resentfully under his breath about how he wasn't made of money. Which was kind of funny since him living like he actually was made of money was the catalyst for this whole cohabitation situation in the first place. Kol Mikaelson, learning valuable life lessons, under her roof. She was actually kind of proud. Didn't mean she wasn't still pissed.

Kol joins her when he'd decent, snagging the stool across from her, and grabbing an orange from the bowl in the center of the island, "Well? What's my sentence, Mistress?"

Caroline rolls her eyes, debates adding another fine for that one. Decides not to, since he'll be spending his money more wisely. And extravagantly. "You're going to steam clean the couch. And disinfect any other surface you think needs to be disinfected. And you're going to get my afghan drycleaned. Twice. And the throw pillow you just rubbed your junk on. Actually, let's make it all the throw pillows, just to be safe."

"That's it?"

"No. Are you kidding? Please. You're also going to make food that I request for dinner. Once a week."

"But…"

"You like to let the creative juices flow, or whatever. Don't care."

"Fine," Kol agrees grudgingly.

"And we're totally going over the rules again." And she'd maybe drop some hints that his three month trial period was about to expire. Caroline was still wavering about extending their agreement. Most days she leaned towards letting him stay. He wasn't that bad and who's to say a random stranger who answered a want ad wouldn't be worse? And she did like the food.

And then there were days like today.

"I can't wait," Kol deadpans sarcastically.

"You brought this on yourself, buddy." Caroline snags some of his orange wedges and he doesn't protest.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Seriously, don't do it again. I'll have Mrs. Harris spy on you and buy a blacklight if I have to. Just keep it in your room."

Kol nods and she's reasonably optimistic that she's gotten her point across. Which is good, because she's not entirely certain where she would even buy a blacklight. And she'd rather not sit through the lecture about everything she's doing wrong in her life that Mrs. Harris would deliver if Caroline were to ask for a favor. "Why are you home so early?" Kol asks, "I've barely seen you these last two weeks."

Caroline avoids his knowing gaze, "No big reason. The nightmare wedding was last Sunday. I have a short lull until the back to back holiday parties start up. I have some emails to return but I can do that here so I took the opportunity to take a half day."

"And throwing yourself into work, and don't think I don't know about the extra sessions at the gym, wouldn't happen to be your crafty way of avoiding Nik, would it?"

Caroline stiffens, damns the perceptiveness Kol really chooses the worst times to whip out, "Of course not," she says dismissively, "and even if I was trying to avoid Klaus I wouldn't need to work so hard at it. He hasn't tried to contact me."

"Ah," Kol drawls knowingly, "miffed about that, are we?"

"No," Caroline denies, and if she's petulant about it Kol had better not mention it if he knows what's good for him.

He shoots her an infuriatingly patronizing look, "Right then. Because if you were miffed about it I'd have to point out that he's only doing what you asked him to. If what he told me after I got him drunk last Friday is true, you requested time to think, and you really shouldn't hold it against the poor bloke if he's only doing what you asked."

"Wait, you're defending him now? What happened to all your gleeful enjoyment at watching him squirm?"

"You're such an only child. He's my brother, Caroline. Do I enjoy his misery occasionally? Yes. Do I want him to actually be miserable forever and ever? No."

Caroline can't help but think that's touching, in a weird way, and tells Kol so, "That's actually kind of sweet."

Kol looks mildly horrified, "I am not sweet, Caroline. Think of my reputation. My bad boy allure."

Caroline can't help the amused snort she lets out, "I'm pretty sure you don't have that, Kol."

"You only say that because you prefer my brother."

Caroline groans, "Can you stop with that?"

"Only once you stop living in denial. I'm only trying to help you, darling."

She lets her head drop onto the countertop with another pained groan.

Kol clears his throat, "Um, you might not want to put your face there until I've disinfected it."