**Thank you for your reviews, I love all the feedback. You are all amazing!

I know people think hes possessive, and I agree. But that's because I don't see him being the type to let someone else run the show. They are a good balance because they also bring out the bad and good in each other.**

Chapter 38: Regrets

I'm just watching the flames from the fireplace change from red to yellow. I finally stopped crying, my arms wrapped around my legs and my chin on my knees. It's been a few hours and he hasn't come back. I can't believe this happened. I can't believe he just left me in here. I tried both the doors but they won't open without a code.

His heartbeat is beating with unison to mine. I refuse to acknowledge his presence and he doesn't dare to pry at mine. The tears start again so I stand up, in hope that going upstairs to the bathroom and splashing some water on my face will make me feel a little better.

I take my time walking up them, my body is tired from all crying. I barley make it halfway up the stairs when I have to sit down and reevaluate the amount of effort that it would require to walk up the rest of the stairs. I stand up and grip the metal railing and one step at a time make it to the top. It's gorgeous up here. A large square platform bed lays in in the middle of the floor to my right. Its covered in black pillows and blankets. The ground the same black wood. I can see outside up here, the shades aren't down. In the distance I see another structure similar to this one, poking out through some clouds. It's so far away it's impossible to make out what's inside. A ship docked on the platform off it. There are a few dressers and a good portion of the windows are blocked by a room coming off the wall. Must be the bathroom.

Once inside I instinctively lock the door. The windows continues in here but the windows are a frosted glass so it's impossible to see in or out. The shower takes up the width of the room, it's shower head in the ceiling and some on the sides. I have never seen anything like this before. I splash some water on my face and thats when I finally get a look at myself. I am thin and fragile looking. I run my fingers through my thick hair and try and get some knots out. It's pretty long when I don't wear it up. It falls in light waves down to my elbows. My skin almost grey it's so pale. My cheeks look sunken in some. I look down at my stomach. It's completely flat. I slowly take off my layers of clothes till I'm in just a T-shirt and my underwear. I turn to look at myself in the mirror and pull up my shirt to reveal just under my bellybutton. I wonder what I will look like when I start getting bigger. I look down and spread my hand over my stomach and close my eyes. I can't believe there is a baby in there. What have we done?

I open the door slowly just to peak out and make sure no one is there, and no one is. I know Kylo is nowhere near me but I still get freaked out being alone. I walk over and set my clothes down on the floor next to the bed and climb under the covers. I cross my arms under a pillow and lay on my stomach, turning my head to face out one of the large windows. It's so bright in here but I don't care, I just keep watching the clouds till my eyes close.

I wake to a familiar feeling running down my exposed arm that peaks out of the blanket. I slowly open my eyes to see Kylo sitting on the edge of the bed, just looking at my arm and touching it lightly with his leather glove. His eyes shoot to mine. His face stone and emotionless. His helmet sits by my feet. I can feel the weight of it weighing down on the blanket. He must of lowered the shades because it's dark in here now. The sun never sets here, its always day so these blinds are a must. My eyes water up right away at the sight of him.

"You just left me here." I sniffle again.

"I brought you something to help you eat and sleep." He says and then he brings to view his hand from his lap, in it he holds a syringe filled with a red liquid.

"I don't want to sleep." I say, I'm about to get up but his eyebrows crease and all the sudden I cant move. He wraps his fingers around my arm and injects the liquid. He unfreezes me and within seconds a warm tingle forms from the injection site and grows throughout my body.

"You need to sleep and when you wake you can eat." His eyes flash to my stomach, even though it's covered under blankets. And he looks back at me. "I don't know what I'm going to do. Supreme Leader will order your execution as soon as he finds out about this and I wont be able to say no. An offspring..." He looks down at his hands. "Would be a weakness. I should of never allowed myself to get close to you." He closes his eyes tight. "It's the things we love the most that destroy us." My eyes slowly closing. I don't want to sleep. I go to raise my hand to touch his arm but I loose my fight to sleep. I fight against it but it doesn't work.

The next time I wake up the shades are still drawn. My body is so soar, I feel like I haven't moved in days. I noticed the set of new clothes next to the bed, and my cloak hangs off a hook near the bathroom door. I'm relieved, I want to shower so bad and then go find Kylo, I know he's downstairs. I shower longer than expected. Half the time my hand kept running over my stomach involuntarily and I would catch myself and pull away. The water was warm and heavenly. I couldn't imagine a more peaceful shower. I wish I could see the clouds though instead of the frosted glass.

After I shower, dry off, and get dressed I look into the mirror and my cheeks have a tint of pink to them. Whatever he gave me seemed to work, I feel like a could eat a buffet right now. My mouth waters for the first time in over a week. I run my fingers through my hair and fluff it out a little. I haven't felt this good is what feels like a lifetime. I peak out the bathroom door and slowly creep to the top of the stairs. I cant hear anything so I tip toe down the stops. The shades are still drawn. Half way down I spot Kylo and freeze, hes sitting in the grey chair watching the flames. He looks up at me and gets up to his feet and starts walking to the stairs. I continue walking down and we meet at the bottom. I stay on the very last step so I am almost eye height with him. His face is soft but his eyes are filled with worry.

"Will you eat now?" He asks and reaches out and grabs at my elbows, drawing circles with his thumbs on my triceps.

"What did you give me?" I ask. I regret not telling him I was sick earlier, this stuff works miracles.

"Nothing. Will you eat?" He is ignoring my question. I shrug out of his grip and brush past him. I walk over to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. I chug it so fast it hurts, I quickly refill another glass and gulp it down. Its so refreshing. Kylo walks over to me and I refuse to make eye contact with him. He hands me a small roll. It looks delicious. I grab it from him and walk past him to the couch. I sit down and pick it apart, taking slow bites as not to jinx my settles stomach. The bread dissolves in my mouth and it tastes so good. I forgot how good it felt to eat. Kylo sits down next to me on the couch, he hooks his ankle over his knee and leans back in the corner of the couch. He spreads his arm along the back and hold his chin with his arm resting on the arm of the couch.

I take another bite and I slowly feel my stomach turning again. This baby is sucking the life out of me.

Baby.

My eyes start watering, I am so over emotional. I close them tight trying to hold them in. I fold my legs to sit Indian style. I just hold whats left of the roll in my lap. My chest starts to ache in that horrible pain again. I know Kylo can feel it because I feel his body tense next to me.

"Am I going to die?" I ask him. Not daring to look at him.

"If you don't eat, yeah." He says.

I snap my eyes open and look at him. "You know what? I love you even though your a murderer and a horrible person. You have ruined my life too! I didn't want to fall in love with you and I did. Having kids was not part of my life plan, specially not with you. Until now I still had hope to eventually escape from you." I look down at the roll in my hands and turn it around examining it. My anger taking over and I am not hungry anymore. "Are you going to kill me too? Because I am now your biggest weakness. Just like Snoke made you kill Luke and your own father?" I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself.

"No one made me do anything." He sits up and leans in closer to me. I am thankful for the cushion separating us. "I don't know what Snoke is going to have me do to you when he finds out."

"Didn't the Emperor order Darth Vader to kill his son and he couldn't. Didn't he redeem himself in the end and kill his master to save his child?" I say to him. I scoot farther away from him on the couch, afraid what my words are going to do. "Or was that a wise tale? Maybe there is still light in you Ben Solo, maybe you can be redeemed as well."

His eyes narrow. "Your lucky I am refraining from hurting you. Don't use that tone with me. I don't want to be redeemed. I like this life. I told you that."

"I didn't know." I said to him. I hope he knows i am referring to being pregnant.

"I know." He says and leans back into the corner, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I could tell you were just in as much shock as I was."

"And your eyes were yellow." I say to him and then look down to the roll still in my hand.

"Like I said. There are sides to me I don't want you to see. I apologize." He says calmly.

I wipe some tears from my eyes and pick another piece of bread off and force myself to eat it. His words making me sick. He unpinches his nose and I feel his eyes narrow at me. He takes his gloves off and sets them on the back of the couch. He gets up and sits down next right next to me. I flinch when he raises his hand and touches the back of my neck under my hair. His other hand rises to my cheek and he gently forces me to look at him. His skin is so warm against mine. I have missed his touch. I close my eyes and lean into it.

"I love you, okay?" I open my eyes and his thumb wipes a tear that released.

"Okay." I sniffle. I have nothing else to go on.