Chapter 40: Pain and Pleasure
Once inside the room Kylo sets me down on the couch. I sit up and grab the blanket from earlier and pull it over me and lay my head down on my arm to watch the flames. The pain in my pelvis is gone but I still don't feel right. I hear Kylo fumble in his desk and come back with another syringe full of red liquid.
"Stop. I don't know what that is and I don't want to sleep." I say. I sit up and scoot my but back away from him. His eyes narrow.
"It will help, I promise." He says. I scoot back till I'm in the corner.
"Not until you talk to me." I say. He stops and tilts his head. He sits down on the couch near my feet. He removes the blanket from my feet and starts taking my boots off. I go to pull my foot back but his hand grasps my ankle and he gives me a, don't you dare, look. I relax my leg. "What are we going to do? We need to figure out a plan. Are you just going to keep me in here for 8 or so more months and then take the baby away and give it to Snoke?" Even saying it sends chills down my spine. I look away from him and dig my chin into my shoulder. He removes my boot and then moves to my other foot, repeating his actions.
"The thought crossed my mind." He says quietly. He removes my other boot tossing it to the floor. He lightly rubs my foot. I have made love to this man but this feels more intimate than that. "But then I thought about you and your Light. I don't know why when the star died that the white light waited 10 years for you to be conceived before choosing you. I don't know why the universe would want us to come together and become each other's greatest enemy and yet lovers." He stops rubbing my foot and scoots closer to me, my knees in his lap. Covering himself with the blanket, his warmth filling up the space between us.
I raise my head to meet his gaze. Iv been having this one thought, "Maybe this baby is what the legend meant by becoming one. What if this baby is the one to bring balance to both the Light and Dark?" I say to him, his eyes open wide. He looks at the fire, his face tenses and his finger around my calf tighten. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He opens his eyes again and looks back at me to meet my gaze. I lower my eyes, embarrassed by the thought. I'm just trying to think of ways to make it so I'm not a burden but valuable to him. I don't want him to keep thinking I'm going to be the one to destroy him.
"You need to eat." He slides out from underneath me and goes to the kitchen and grabs something out of the fridge. He comes back with some grapes and an apple. He sets them down on the couch and moves the blanket to sit back under my legs. Why won't he answer me. He hands me a handful of grapes and stares at me till I pop them in my mouth. "I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you. But you need to understand that The Supreme Leader will make killing you the ultimate proof of my devotion the the First Order..."
My eyes water. "So what are you going to do?" I ask as he hands me a few more grapes. It feels good to eat. Kylos right, if I over do it my body rejects it and punishes me. I need to just relax.
"For now?" He looks into the fire and his face softens. "Stay here and lay low. We have a little bit of time before I'm required back at the Destroyer. If I keep ahead of The Supreme Leader he will have no reason to come here. But I can't have you accusing me of being a horrendous murderer when I am protecting you from certain death. I need you on my side." He puts his arm over the back of the couch next to me, looks at me, and leans in. "You need to promise me."
His face is soft. I look at his full lips and realize how much I miss them. I start biting my lip thinking about how long it's been since he's touched me, really touched me. "I promise." I whisper. I love this man, he is now the father of my unborn child. His other hand comes up and grabs the back of my head bringing me in to kiss him. It ignites electricity before us and the flames bend in the surrounding force. It's like causing lightening to strike. I reach my hand up and touch his face and deepen the kiss. Parting my lips to allow him his tongue to meet mine. He lets out a small moan in his throat. I pull away, "Can you promise me something?"
"Anything." He say looking at me through his eyelashes and his eyes back to my lips. He licks his lips and bites his bottom lip softly. His breathing getting heavy.
"You won't take this baby away from me. Regardless of who you are, I am still it's mother." I let a tear fall. I need to protect this innocent child. A helpless infant delivered into a world where they will always be looking over their shoulder. With powers unknown. I have never seen its face but I know it's loved by me.
"I..." He hesitates and looks at me through his eyelashes and he looks back down at my lips. Licking his and biting his bottom lip. His hand moves to the side of my head, his thumb tracing my bottom lip. "I promise." And he kisses me desperately. Sliding his hand down to my hip and squeezing. He shifts under me till he is almost laying next to me. Never breaking kiss. I hear the apple thud to the floor, now he's laying on top of me. He pulls away and whispers against my lips, "This is torturous." He slides his hand under my shirt and his finger skims my ribs. He kisses me and my hands hold onto his shoulder blades. He moves back and groans and his eyes are on fire. He stands up, the blanket pools to the floor. He bends down and throws me over his shoulder. I kick like a child.
"Ahhhh." I say while my feet kick. He walks over to the stairs and starts walking up them. I know where this is going and I want it to. I crave it, his skin on my skin. We get to the top of the stairs and he sets me down next to the bed. He removes my cloak and it falls to the floor around my feet. He undoes my belt and pulls my tunic loose from my pants. He stops and removes his belt and throws it on the floor, along with his tunic and cloak. He reaches down and removes each of his shoes my body shaking in anxiety. He can feel my excitement. His eyes close and he inhales. He reaches up and starts undoing my arm wraps till both my arms are completely exposed. Revealing some faint bruising on both my triceps, he closes his eyes and when he opens his eyes again they are fire desire again. He grabs both sides of my face and kisses me hard. Pressing his body into mine. He pushes me down onto the bed but stands back up to remove my pants. I'm just in my undies. He removes his shirt and undoes his armwrap a. I sit up and slowly drag my shirt over my head, I don't want him to see my bare stomach and the mood be ruined, but I want this just as bad so I push the thought aside. Now only in my bra and panties, feeling vulnerable. His eyes shoot to my stomach. His eyebrows crease then he looks back up at me. He bends down and kisses me, laying me flat on the bed. His one hand under my back, balancing on one elbow. Laying on top of me but putting most his body weight on his one arm, his muscles bulging.
He pulls away and looks down on me. "I love you, regardless of this situation, it doesnt change how I feel about you. I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to protect you but you need to trust me." He says, so utterly sincere. "I still have to do my work. I am who I am and nothing will change that." His eyes narrow at me.
His words ache my heart, every word sinking in like a hammered nail. "I love you too." Is all I can say back. He kisses me again, moving his hand from my back to my stomach, stopping for a brief second over my pelvis. His kiss hardens. He grazes the band of my panties and slowly moves his hand in. My back arches at his touch. His fingers graze my clit and my senses tingle. He start rubbing in slow circles gently. I feel the dampness start. He removes his hand and hooks his finger into the side of my underwear and removes them. He slips away and trails kisses down my ribs. I dig my fingers into the blanket next to me. He crawls up a little and kisses my neck and then kisses me. His kisses are needy. I'm the only real physical contact Kylo has had in most of his lifetime.
He slips off his pants and briefs and crawls up to balance on his elbows and he's hovering over my entrance with his tip. He touches my face super soft, looking over my features. He plants a soft kiss on my jawbone. "You are much to fragile looking, promise me you will eat more." He says quietly.
"Mmhmm," I mumble. Getting impatient of his teasing. He lifts off to balance on one elbow and he reaches down to guide himself in. I close my eyes and my finger squeeze into his back. He lets out a loud moan. His heartbeat quickens. Instead of bringing his hand up to prop back on his elbow, he grabs my hip and squeezes almost painfully and glides his hand over my butt and pulls me in so he can sink deeper into me.
"Uhhfff" I involuntarily let slip. It feels amazing. My body warms on contact, goosebumps form. His other hand on the back of my head still leaning on his elbow. I'm thankful for his strong muscles. He pulls out alittle and slowly goes back in. My stomach tightens, my legs tingle, and my head gets light. I sink my fingers deeper into his back and he moans into my ear. He stays in a slow rhythm, slowly massaging my vagina walls. It feels like we haven't connected like this in what seems like a lifetime though it's only been a little over a week.
His fingers dig into my thin flesh of my butt and he quickens his rhythm. I can feel the slow rising of my climax and I know he has to be close. I dig my nails into him and roll my head to the side, exposing my neck. He moves his hand from the back of my head to my neck. His thumb grazing behind my ear and down my neck sending chills through my hot body. My body craves his skin on mine. He slides his hand down and pulls my bra strap slowly over my shoulder, my left breast exposed. His thumb skims my already hard nipple and I expload from the inside, my whole body feels like it has butterflies, he thrusts a few more times and stops, his hot breath in my hair. He pulls back to look at me.
"That was... That felt..." He sounds almost embarrassed to say it. He pulls out and rolls on his back next to me. Cool air from around the room hits my burning skin, it's refreshing.
"I agree," I say looking over to him and smiling. You would think he has had practice before. He rolls onto his side and props up on his elbow to look down on me, I'm still waiting for my breath to calm down and I'm still basically naked on top of all the blankets. His eyes follow down my neck, chest, breasts, and then stops on my stomach. I go to cover myself.
"Stop." He says. He brings his hand up and spreads his fingers across my stomach and for a few minutes I let him just think. The fact he is acknowledging that there is a baby in there. Suddenly I get really dizzy and sit up, I feel the vomit evading my esophagus, I cover my mouth afraid to throw up. But I slowly breath in and out through my nose and the feeling goes away, Kylo sits up and starts rubbing my back, gently enough that he almost isn't touching me. I feel a sudden wash of guilt come from him, it pains him to see me like this. "The doctor will be here soon. He's going to run some tests." He says. He gets off the bed and goes into the bathroom.
I use the time alone and pull my panties on and my shirt and crawl under the covers, I'm not really tired and my head is still spinning. When Kylo comes out of the bathroom he is wearing his black sweatpants that I love on him, it's when he looks the most relaxed. He bends down and fishes out the medicine from his cloak on the floor. I turn my head the other way so he can't see my face. I don't know what's even in that thing.
"I don't want to take that." I mumble into my pillow, I don't know if he even heard me. He crawls onto the bed and lays behind me but he's still on top of the covers.
"Its not up for debate." He says. I close my eyes and he slides the blanket down my arm. His thumb draws a small circles and then a small pinch from the needle. Instantly the warm sensation slowly travels through my body from the entry point. I open my eyes and roll over to face him. "I'm sorry." He says while looking into my eyes, my eyelids getting heavy. He runs his fingers down my cheek and just looks at me. "Your the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." He whispers while my eyes shut.
"Stay..." Is all I say before sleep overtakes me.
**Sorry it took me forever to upload this. I have been enjoying my mothers day weekend with the family :)**