Author's note: Thank you to Rasha007, NicoleR85, CosplayerHikari, ZabuzasGirl, Luna von Rae, partygirl98, KEZZ 1, EpicPurpleFish, Jinxofthe2ndLaw, and Sam0728 for the reviews! I knew that chapter would upset people, but it's something that had to happen. Things will be made right though, don't worry! Major points go to CosplayerHikari for guessing how we're going to get Hank back on the right track. He's going to need some help :-)

Paradigm Shift

Three days passed. Three days of exquisite, excruciating agony.

The inadequacies of the English language had never quite struck me so much as in those three days. There were so many words to describe pain- misery, agony, torture, torment- and yet none of them even came close to approaching the suffering I couldn't bear.

I couldn't eat. Even Twinkies- once my favorite food- went down like sawdust, so I quickly gave up that enterprise. All I could think was that Zoey liked Twinkies too. We once polished off an entire box between us on a Sunday afternoon.

The memory sent another ripple of pain through me.

I couldn't breathe past the elephant (pygmy elephant- oh, Zoey how could I forget that first night?) on my chest, the constriction in my throat. Each inhale felt like more trouble than it was worth.

Sleep was elusive as well. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her. I relived seeing her for the first time that cold February day, when she captured my heart at first sight. Watching her as she looked up at fireworks in the sky, her eyes aglow with joy. Seeing the look on her face when she told me she loved me for the first time.

Watching her cry as she broke both of our hearts.

Her voice, her laughter haunted me. Even as I laid on the floor of my room I thought I heard her giggles, like any moment she would appear and pounce on me. Then I would kiss her and hold her tight-

But of course it didn't happen. I was alone. Zoey had left me, because our situation was just too hopeless to continue.

Now I feared I was starting to hallucinate from lack of food and sleep. Or maybe I was just wishing too hard for her to be with me again.

I didn't leave my room for those three days. I couldn't bring myself to face anyone and pretend that I was anything but miserable. Even my lab, once my refuge, held no allure for me anymore.

Before Zoey, I'd always believed I would be alone. I would live out my life at Xavier's, spending most of my time in the laboratory with minimal human contact. I couldn't see anyone ever wanting me, the Beast.

But then Charles kicked me out of the lab, into the world again, and I'd laid eyes on her. It was like going from an existence of black and white into vivid Technicolor.

I fell deeply, hopelessly in love with the beautiful girl with the firelight hair and infectious laugh. And she slowly coaxed me out into the world, giving me a taste of happiness, of hope.

Zoey was intelligent and kind, funny and brave. She couldn't sing, her cooking was hazardous, and God help anyone who tried to tell her there was something she couldn't do, especially because she was a girl. She was stubborn, and a poor loser.

I knew, deep in my soul, that she was the love of my life.

And now she was gone, and my heart was broken. Colors had leeched away, and I was drowning in a cold darkness without the light of her presence.

How will I go on?

A knock sounded at my door late Monday evening.

"Hey, Beast!" Alex's voice called.

I barely stirred from my spot on the floor, where I lay clutching the book of fairy tales Zoey had gotten me so long ago.

Maybe if I don't answer he'll go away.

I was definitely not in the mood to speak to him.

"Beast!"

Nope. Not here.

"Beast, I know you're in there, dammit!" Alex yelled. "Your car's here and you're not in the lab."

I didn't answer, so he took up an endless staccato on the door designed to annoy.

"Go away," I groaned, finally giving in.

Alex, being Alex, ignored that directive. He opened the door and strolled in like he owned the place, turning on the lights as he went.

I grunted in pain from the light lancing into my eyeballs.

"Dude, no one's seen you for days. Everything-?" he began. Then he saw me on the floor. "Jesus, you look awful."

Considering the fact that I hadn't shaved or showered in three days, I could imagine that was true. But did he really have to bring up what a pathetic mess I was?

"I said 'go away,'" I snapped, sitting up.

"What happened to you?"

"Get out," I said flatly. I stood, ready to throw him out the door.

Compassion flashed across his face, an emotion that sat oddly on him. "Did something happen with Zoey?"

At the sound of her name I flinched and froze in my tracks.

"What happened?"

He wasn't going to let it go, I could tell. Even if I kicked him out of my room he was just going to stand there and bang on the door. I sank down on my sofa with head in hands, resigned to an interrogation.

"We broke up," I mumbled.

Alex was quiet for a moment, standing there awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

He's sorry? Did I just step into the Twilight Zone?

"Want to talk about it?"

I shrugged. "Not much to say. She wanted me to show her Beast, and I refused."

"Why?"

Because.

"You know, you being this solicitous is unsettling," I remarked, glancing over at him.

"I don't even know what that word means, Bozo."

Way to buy it all back, Alex.

"Caring. Thoughtful. It's not really like you," I explained. "What do you care, Alex? You don't even like Zoey."

He shrugged and plopped down in the armchair across from me.

I made out with Zoey in that chair... Will there ever be a time when I can look at something and not be reminded of her?

"I can't be a jerk all the time. It gets exhausting," Alex retorted insolently, averting his eyes. "And I don't mind Zoey. She's just..." He shrugged again. "So, why didn't you show her?"

"Because I don't want to be the Beast. I want to reject that side of me," I told him.

Alex stared at me blankly for a moment before his face twisted into a scowl. "Newsflash, Bozo, that is who you are. You're not any different when you're Beast."

"That's patently untrue," I snapped. "There's all these impulses-"

"'Impulses?' We all get 'impulses' that we try to control, Hank. Like right now, I have the impulse to punch you in the face for being such an idiot, but I'm holding back. See?"

Am I really getting advice on impulse control from a man who was in prison?

Alex just didn't understand... did he?

He did have a dangerous power after all, one that he had to control. Alex landed in prison because he lost it and accidentally killed someone in a moment of anger.

The way he equated my struggle with Beast to resisting the urge to punch me seemed to unfairly trivialize the issue. There was having a feral alter-ego, and then there was just being an ass. It was like comparing apples to oranges.

...Wasn't it?

I shook my head to clear it- this was all so confusing.

"I think the truth is you're scared she'll be afraid of you if she sees you like that," he announced.

"That is a consideration, yes," I agreed. "I don't want to frighten her. It's too much for anyone to-"

"Beast, that girl thinks the sun shines out of your ass," Alex cut in.

He was leaning forward in his seat, practically dripping with sincerity. Again, I felt disconcerted by his candor.

"She's not going to dump you for turning ugly sometimes. To be honest, she's already too hot for you anyway," he said.

"Thanks," I told him sarcastically, though I knew it to be true. And then I quietly admitted, "I don't deserve her."

It was a bitter admission, one that had shadowed my thoughts since I met Zoey. She was too beautiful, too pure, too rich and wonderful for a socially inept nerd like me- and that wasn't even factoring in Beast. It felt cathartic to say aloud, even if it was to Alex of all people.

"Maybe not. But she thinks you do," Alex retorted.

His word stirred a memory of something Zoey said once. "I get to decide what I deserve. Not you. Ok?"

I shifted in my seat.

"So you gotta ask yourself, do you trust her opinion? Because if Zoey's so smart and still picked you, maybe you're not as terrible as you think you are."

I blinked, remembering Zoey's words the other night. How she said I implied there was something wrong with her because she wanted me. It was mind-boggling to think about, that my opinions of myself stemming from my self-hatred reflected poorly on Zoey's judgment.

No... there's nothing wrong with you, my love. Maybe I'm not some horrible creature, if you think so.

I think Alex sensed the change in my expression, because he pressed on.

"The way I see it, you have two options. You can go and show Zoey Beast and hope she still wants you, or you can sit here alone and miserable for the rest of your life," he reasoned. "At least if you take a chance and show her, you still at least have a shot at being with her. Here, you're guaranteed to be all lame and broody forever."

Maybe... maybe for the first time in your life you're right about something, Summers.

"Ok," I muttered. Then, with more certainty, "ok. I need to go talk to her. Thanks, Alex. You've been- a lot of help."

I stood automatically and took a step towards the door.

"Hey!" Alex said, stopping me. "At least shower and change your clothes first. Don't want to look too desperate. And besides, you stink."

"Right," I agreed, thinking robotically.

My mind was already with Zoey, planning my apology, when I halted and looked at Alex suspiciously.

"Why are you being so helpful?"

Alex's expression became a curious mixture of sheepishness and pride. "Charles poked around in your head today because you've been MIA. He told me to come talk to you and said he would buy me a new engine for the Camaro if I got your head out of your ass," he explained. "He thought it would mean more coming from me, because- you know..."

He shrugged.

Nosy telepaths, I tell you.

I glared at him. "Did Charles tell you what to say?"

Alex rolled his eyes. "No. That was all me, being honest with you. I earned that engine, Beast."

I couldn't find it in myself to be mad at either of them. Charles wanted to help me grow into a better person, just like he had over a year ago when he kicked me out of the laboratory. And even if Alex's intentions had been self-motivated, he'd definitely given me food for thought.

"You did," I agreed.

"Good luck, man. You deserve a little happiness."

"Th-thanks, Alex."

Now excuse me. I need to go talk to a certain someone.