Chapter 61: Hearts
His words stun me, his story elaborate and terrifying. The idea of Snoke attacking him, the idea of anyone hurting him makes me sick. I knew there would be a battle. That's why he sent me away. But I didn't think I would be so sicken by the actual event itself. A Knight betraying his Master, Kylo trusted him. Another person to let him down. What of the rest of the Knights?
I scoot over to him and crawl onto his lap and wrap my arms around him. In this moment I need to be comforted as much as he does. To be held and loved. To feel that this is real, now it's hitting me... we are really all together. Tears for in my eyes and I grab his face, kissing him hard. Taking him in, his hands tighten around me, sprawling his one over my side. He kisses me back with just as much intensity. Then his hand travels under the sheet, my body naked and ready for him to pull me even closer.
I crave him, his touch... his lips... his everything. I didn't think I did, when I was with Poe, I thought I remained strong. Always putting the kids first. Of course I missed Kylo, but I prepared myself that he wasn't coming back. Now that he's here I couldn't be more thankful for it. I soak him in, tears falling down my cheeks through our kiss, I can taste the salt. I know he can but he's won't break away, running his hand down my thing and up my side. Giving me chills. I pull away for a second to catch my breath, exhaustion hitting me. I'm still tired. He reaches up and wipes a tear from my eye.
"It be unfair for me to take advantage of you right now. Your freezing," he chuckles, "you need sleep, I think I might have overloaded you, it's okay.. We will talk more tomorrow." He scoops me up in his arms and carries me to bed. He scoots in beside me and holds me tight. "We have the rest of our lives together. No one will separate us again." He whispers and kisses my cheek, my mind heavy and I pass out quickly.
"Mama!" I hear a faint cry. Ana. I scoot from bed, Kylo snoring behind me and I quickly pick up pace to Anas room, I'm not use to being so far away. I walk into her, sitting in bed, clapping and laughing. My sweet little Ana. But from the corner of my eye I see what appears to be her blocks, levitating in the corner. Spinning as she claps.
"Ana, stop that." I say, stunned by the sight. Kylo was right, one year... He will be thrilled to find out one of them started to show but I am not ready to bring it up. Ana drops the blocks and looks at me. Smiling. "Sweet baby, let's just enjoy a few days of normalcy before things get crazy. Okay?" I say, though she is young she is smart. I know she understands what I'm saying. She giggles. I quickly change her and wake Kylan.
Together I let them play in Kylans room till I finish making them breakfast. I can feel them, playing... I can feel their emotions unlike anyone else. I know what they are doing when I'm not there. Hands wrap around my stomach. Making me jump.
"Shh," Kylo whispers in my ear. I was so focused on the kids I wasn't paying attention to Kylos force. Iv missed being so close to you..." He runs his nose along the back of my ear, sending chills down my spine.
"Iv missed it too." I smile and finish stirring the oatmeal while Kylo squeezes me closer to him. He kisses the small opening through my hair where my neck was exposed and he pulls away and walks back to the living room, towards the kids.
This is how a family is suppose to be.
As the kids are eating breakfast I have a realization that having Dalah here might be a real help. "Kylo?" I ask, I don't know why I still feel nervous around him, he is my husband.
"Yes my love?" He answers back while he bounces Ana on his knee from the far side of the couch.
"Is there any possible way to get Dalah here for me? I could really use her help." I say, looking else wear than at him. I don't want him thinking I'm incapable of taking care of the chi,Daren, Dalah would just allow me and him to have more time together when he is here. I have no idea when he is leaving again. Because that's the question... When... Not if.
"Absolutely. I'll send for her later today." His cheerful tone puts a smile on my face and I finally make eye contact with him, from the corner of my eye watching fascinated Kylan play by the window with some blocks. "Is something worrying you?" He gets up from the couch and set Ana down near Kylan and he proceeds to make himself comfortable right next to me under the soft blanket I found in the bedroom. Iv been running my fingers up and down it, enjoying the softness of it.
"No, no, I'm fine." I weak smile at him. He looks past me at his helmet on its pedestal near the wall. He looks back at me and reaches up and runs his long fingers along my jaw, giving me the chills. I lean into his touch, his skin much warmer than mine.
"Your freezing." He says, his eyes narrow.
"I'm sorry," I pull the blanket tighter around me, "I'm just use to warmer weather, that's all." Kylo wraps his arms around me and pulls me onto his lap. I can feel his heat through his thin tshirt. It's so warm, a heat more alluring than the sun. He wraps the blanket around us. Even in my black sweatpants, long tshirt, and thick socks... The cold here is piercing,
He is my sun.
'Better?' His warm voice soothes my mind, hearing him in there is comforting. Iv missed it. I snuggle closer.
"Much." I close my eyes and just enjoy the moment.
"I love you so much, there where times I never thought I would see you again. It drove me mad." He squeezes a little tighter.
"I also had days like that. I would stare at the stars wondering if you were staring at them too. I was alway grateful for the babies, it brought me closer to you. It gave me hope."
"I must go take care of something. I promise to be back before bed." He says. I pull away, looking at him. I shouldn't be surprised... I am cuddling the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Ehhh, the though makes me sick. I don't see that when I look at him, this kind gentle soul I have come to love and who has shown me great love. But in reality he is evil, dark, mysterious, and dangerous. Though I trust him with our 3 lives more than I trust my clumsy self.
"Ok." I say. Why argue, why ask him to stay when he has to go, why put our lives in danger trying to prevent him from doing what he has to do? I refuse to get in the middle of anything that has to do with the First Order, specially if it involves the resistance. My friends.
"I don't want to, but I have to. I will not be like Snoke, I will show up and do my dirty work myself. Everyone will know to fear me, not just the idea of me." His fingers flex alittle but he relaxes and kisses my cheek. "Do you fear me?" He whispers against my cheek. He says it in a way that sounds sad, he doesn't want me to be afraid of him. He wants me to think of us as equals but he's wrong...
"Yes." I say. He pulls away, his face sad.
"But you shouldn't, now that we can begin your training again... You will be my Empress someday and everyone will come to fear you just as well." He says. His words send a shockwave down my whole body. Is that what he ultimately wants?
"But I don't want that." I say. Looking at him closely. He arches his eyebrow.
"Oh no?" He chuckles. "You don't want to rule? Or..." And in the blink of an eye he scoops me up and shifts me onto my back so he laying on top of me on the couch. His elbows on either side me, holding his body weight so he doesn't crush me. His eyes narrow, "You don't want to be more powerful?"
"I do want you to teach me, but I still refuse to fight the Resistance for you... Kill innocent people." I shiver. "I won't be your puppet." My words strike him hard, he has great plans for me. Plans I don't want to carry out.
"Try and push me off. With the force. Try." He closes his eyes, I just look at him and decide to play this silly game. I close my eyes and push...but he doesn't budge. I tilt my head and push with my mind even harder... He doesn't move a hair. I feel it, his force putting up a wall not allowing me to move him. Something iv never felt before. I let out the long breath I was holding...
"What... What was that?" I say. Breathing heavy.
"Ultimate power." He says. He gives me a quick kiss and pulls off me. Instantly chilling me. He goes into the bedroom and shuts the door.
The encounter leaves me stunned for a moment. Thankful for the babies behaving well and playing together, I decide to put them down for a nap. After they are changed and in bed I go to find Kylo who is dressed and about to leave, holding his helmet.
"What else happened? You seem..." I look down, almost talking myself out of saying it. "Powerful." I watch his feet as he sets his helmet down and walks over to me. Raising my head with his finger at my chin.
"I am indeed. But that doesn't mean you should fear me. I would never hurt you or my children. This power is a gift, it allows me to keep you safe." His words seem sincere. He reaches his mechanical hand up, covered by a glove, and places his thumb on my temple.
A warm sensation travels though my body, a feeling of euphoria. My eyes close and behind my eyelids are a dance of colors, lights, twinkling, and simmering. It's beautiful, in the colors I see two white lights, dancing in circles. They would get close and seepage and twirl. My body is overcome with a warm feeling of love. The images fade and I open my eyes again. Kylo is just smiling at me.
"What... what was that?" I say, almost out of breath.
"The pull to your light, the way I feel it. Your warmth, your love, your essence. I'm drawn to it. Drawn to you love." My eyes swell at his words, tears unwelcoming fall. It was magical. Something I can't even explain in words.
"I want to teach you. I am hiding nothing." He kisses my lips slow and warm then let's go of my chin. He walks back to his helmet. "When I killed Snoke..." He shakes his head. "The shock made me absorb some part of him, his energy, a power so strong it stopped my heart but at the same time started it again but stronger, faster." He puts his helmet on, looking at me one last time
'You make me stronger' and then he walks out.
**Authors Notes:
When I am not writing this story, I am thinking about it. About their love and how I plan to keep that everlasting. I am as dedicated to this story, I pour my heart into it. I am sorry for delayed updates.
I also never want this to end either! Their love is amazing, I have become attached to this story. I wish it could be a Harry Potter series, ha ha. Thank you all for being such amazing readers and your reviews really brighten my day, they remind me why I started this even when being a mom or a wife gets in the way, working 12 hr shifts. I was not working when I started writing and when I am at work, I constantly wish I was at home, in my comfy chair with some tea writing for all my faithful readers. I never thought so many people would love Rey and Kylo as much as I do. Thank you, for holding on with me while I write.
-SSL 3**