Edward POV (Part 1)
I'd been out at this cabin in Middle-Of-No-Where, Alaska for days now, gorging myself on all the local wildlife and readying for the moment that I would be introduced to Bella's scent. The scent that had all but ruined my life as I knew it, without ever entering my nostrils. By some miracle, my wife had forgiven me for my lapse in judgement and had joined me earlier this week, once she'd seen for certain that Jasper and Bella's back up plan was sound. We'd boarded all the windows and added extra locks to the doors, though I wasn't sure how well that would hold me back in a moment of bloodlust. Now, we waited. I'd seen visions through Alice's mind of Carlisle and Jasper vacuum sealing various items belonging to Bella these past few days - they'd even taken a sample of her blood. If I was being honest, my confidence was starting to waver. I wanted this to work, I had to make it through this. Not just for my family, but for myself - I wanted my life back.
"Please, relax. I know you can do this, just stay in control." Alice placed a kiss on my cheek and looked ahead, trying to pin point the exact arrival of the rest of our family. "About 16 more minutes." She said after a moment. Images flashed through my mind of my teeth sinking into Bella's flesh, of me savoring her blood - images I'd seen in Alice's premonitions. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't that guy - there was nothing in the world that could make me snap like that. I hated seeing myself in that way - a soulless monster devoid of all humanity. Each time the vision replayed in my head I couldn't help but cringe in horror at the nightmarish creature I'd become. If one human held the potential to bring that monster out of me, then I knew there was also the possibility that she wouldn't be the only one I'd ever come across, I had all eternity to live after all.
Just a week ago I'd made the decision to drink human blood - as if making the conscious choice was any better than succumbing to a moment of weakness. At the time, I'd felt like I was going mad. Knowing the kryptonite of my control was out there taunted me, mocked everything that I'd work so hard to become. I had to remind myself what it was like, the taste of human blood - and oh was it every bit of the delicacy that I remembered it to be. As indulgent as it was, it didn't seem to hold the same power over me the way that it had in those visions, but I knew Bella's wasn't going to be the average human scent.
The way Emmett had described encountering a human like this didn't provide me with a lot of hope. We talked on the phone for hours earlier this week while I was still staying with the Denali's. He'd encountered a blood singer back in the 60's, in New Orleans. He said it was the sweetest, purest, most satisfying blood he'd ever tasted and that if he ever came across someone like that again - he would kill them immediately - lacking all remorse. I knew what he'd hoped to accomplish by telling me this, he'd taken a liking to Bella and was trying to tell a tale of caution, but it only served to pique my curiosity. I just couldn't fathom that it would be that intense.
My eyes were still a frightening shade of red despite how much animal blood I'd made myself drink throughout week. All the time I spent away from everyone had allowed my mind to calm just slightly, though the anticipation of today had never left my thoughts completely - neither had the guilt of what I'd put Alice through. I knew that I'd hurt her, though it wasn't my intention. Unfortunately at the time, I couldn't find it within myself to regret my actions or feel ashamed. I thought I was doing the right thing - but I know now, that I just didn't want to be stopped or told what to do. I'd been in the wrong, but it took me days to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else. The truth is, I hadn't been feeling quite like myself. It was almost as if the monster inside of me, the one I'd spent so long caging - was starting to find it's way into my conscious, only I never realized it until it was too late. There were moments where I felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Two sides of myself battling for dominance - and one of them wasn't a good person. One of them wanted to kill.
Right here, right now - I didn't want to kill Bella or anyone else for that matter, even those like the criminal scum I'd made a meal out of last week. Jasper was my brother and Bella was the girl that he loved, they deserved nothing but happiness. I'd watched him suffer in solace for decades, but whenever the monster began to poke through, I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the allure her blood must have. Then there was the fact that her thoughts were silent to me. Why her? Why her blood? Why her mind? I'd had to fight myself on a few occasions from ignoring the warnings and seeking her scent out on my own. Even that first day when I saw her in the cafeteria - after Alice had the vision. I wanted to wait for her or catch her alone in her house and see for myself.
The only thing that had stopped me was knowing that she was the one Alice had seen for Jasper all along. I couldn't destroy his destiny, I'd watched the visions become clearer over the years and so in a way I felt just as protective of their future as Alice had - until my ego got in the way. I didn't want to believe that one human could hold the power over me so blatantly on displayed through Alice's second sight. I thought I could handle it at first, that going to Alaska that first time was going to solve everything. We'd wait it out a few days and then come home - get on a schedule where I could just avoid her until she was turned like I'd seen in Alice's mind. But of course, that turned out to be easier said than done. I tried to shake my nervous thoughts as Alice's visions of the family arriving grew closer to real time. This was it. Now or never.
"Any second now." Alice said nervously. If my heart could still beat, it would have been racing from the amount of anxiety I was experiencing.
The distant sound of tires crunching on gravel came just a moment later, echoing my wife's precognition. I heard the distinct sounds of Carlisle's Cadillac, Emmett's Jeep, and a third car I recognized belonging to Tanya of the Denali coven parking out front. Seconds later, there was a knock at the door. Everyone came in besides Tanya and her sisters - Kate and Irina. Their main objective was to stay outside and call Jasper if anything were to go wrong. They'd have a good heads up, since I'd have to physically tear through all of our precautions and my family to make it out of here - I didn't see it going that far. They waved politely from outside as Carlisle came in first - carrying the vacuum sealed bags containing Bella's belongings, followed by Emmett and Rose. It didn't' seem like anyone was in the mood to put this off any longer. No one made pleasantries or small talk to sugar coat the reason behind the meeting and I was thankful. After all, I was just as eager as the rest of them to get this over with.
"Do not call Jasper unless he makes it through this door." Carlisle told them before stepping inside. "Son." He said, giving me a nod and a small smile, but I could tell from his rather guarded thoughts how he felt this was going to go. No one typically bothered trying to hide positive or normal thoughts from me, only things they wanted to stay hidden. He set Bella's things on the table and then he and Emmett began moving the furniture out of the way so that there was a large open space in the living room. I felt my foot tapping involuntarily as everyone came to stand in front of me.
"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked as Emmett came to stand behind me.
"Yes." I put my arms behind my back and allowed Emmett to get a firm grip on me as Carlisle reached for the first item.
"This is a t-shirt that Jasper borrowed from Bella. He laid next to her while he wore it about two weeks ago. This has the least amount of her scent on it - there's almost nothing left, just the faintest hint remains. We'll go up in intensity from here." Carlisle told me as he picked up the vacuum sealed bag. He used the edge of his fingernail to slice the bag open, then he pulled out the shirt and held it up to my face. It was subtle, but I could feel that something inside of me was changing.
"Carlisle . . . his eyes." Alice said with worry. I guessed that they must've darkened already, similar to the day at school where I must've caught a trace amount of her scent. I started to feel a bit irritable, but all I could pick up on was a very faint floral scent - with something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. The longer he held the t-shirt up, the more agitated I felt, but I remained in control. After a few minutes he seemed pleased with my endurance and set down the shirt before grabbing the next bag.
"Pretty good, you didn't even flinch bro." Emmett said, trying to be encouraging- though it made me feel silly and a bit annoyed - it was patronizing. I hadn't even felt like we'd really got started - if it weren't for my darkened eyes and slight change in mood, I'd never have even known it was Bella's scent on the clothing. Alice's smile echoed his enthusiasm and I tried to relax. There was no reason to be upset, I was glad that no matter what was going to happen in the next couple of hours - I still had my beautiful and understanding wife by my side - even when I felt less than deserving. I focused intensely on my control as Carlisle cut into the second bag.
"This she wore a week and a half ago. The scent is just a bit fresher." He pulled out the plaid flannel fabric and I felt my body twitch under Emmett's hold - but it was just a reflex. This time, I could start to make out her specific scent profile - just enough to know that I wanted more of it. It was exquisite, decadent. I inhaled deeply and tried to take it in with more intensity. My throat began to burn and the yearning inside me deepened, but still - it was not intolerable. Certainly not enough to make me lose all of my sanity and expose my family by going on a killing spree in the Forks High School parking lot. I fought to remain still - not ready to give up yet. I had to keep going. Alice eyed me quietly and something in her eyes reminded me of the reason I was here. To build a tolerance to Bella's scent, not to indulge the monster. When I tuned into her thoughts all I could hear was Madonna's Material Girl playing on loop - again, her hidden thoughts didn't provide any positive connotations.
"Next." I said through gritted teeth. Emmett's grip on me tightened exponentially. Alice and Rose shared a look of determination before they moved into identical stances that looked as if they were bracing for impact. I closed my eyes and tried to ready myself for the next item. I heard Carlisle tear open the next bag and before he could say anything, the scent hit me like a ton of bricks. I squirmed and fought under Emmett's hold trying to break loose, but he had a hold of me good. A loud guttural sound left my chest - it felt like a white hot poker was being rammed down my throat. I thought I'd choke from the amount of venom filling my mouth, it was like a pipe had burst. Just as soon as I'd swallow it down - my mouth was already full again. I grunted and groaned and willed myself to fight through the pain - scolded myself to stop thrashing.
"This one was from four days ago." Carlisle said once he'd seen that I'd gotten over the initial bout of impulse - the shirt still shoved under my nose by his extended arm.
"You're doing great - just focus."Alice encouraged. I looked to her and tried to focus on her to calm me, but the scent coming from the last item was still threatening to make me lose all control. Eventually I stopped wriggling though the burn was still present - still absolutely consuming my every thought. Carlisle continued to hold the shirt under my nose until I'd gotten myself under control. I wasn't sure how this was ever supposed to be tolerable on a regular basis and there was still one more bag sitting on the table. I noticed that Carlisle hadn't brought the vile of her blood in - or at least it wasn't visible - probably for the best. I wondered if he ended up bringing it at all. I had to stop that train of thought. I was getting used to the burn, it felt like it was becoming a part of me. Though, I was suddenly more understanding of the precautions that we'd been taking these past few weeks.
I could now easily see how I would have been able to snap had I caught this scent under different circumstances. I suddenly felt extremely guilty for the way I'd been acting since Alice had that first vision of me killing Bella. I'd been acting this whole time like I was being treated unfairly - I now understood exactly what I was dealing with, what Alice had been trying to protect me from. This was my own personal hell. The monster fought my logic, he wanted more. He wanted the next item and he irrationally wondered about the location of the vile of blood, but I could not back down now - not after coming this far.
"Do you think you can handle the last item Edward? No one will blame you if you're not ready yet. It's still early, do you need a break?" Carlisle asked a bit warily as Alice and Rosalie fidgeted with nerves. Emmett's hold did not loosen.
"I'm ready." I said with a grimace, little did I know that nothing could prepare me for what I was about to encounter.