He had been gone for days again. It wasn't obvious. He missed classes on Friday, and the weekend passed without any sight of him. He could have just skipped Arithmancy, his lack of interest in it was clear, and then stayed in the Slytherin common room all weekend, but her instincts told her better. It had been a Hogsmeade weekend after all, the perfect opportunity to get away.
He was gone again and could be back any day now. She wasn't sure why she kept looking for him during her rounds. But it was Monday night, and she hadn't seen him in the castle at all today. Not that she'd admit she had been looking for him. Yet all she could think about was how bloody he was the night she had stumbled upon him in the Astronomy Tower. And she felt an inexplicable urge to find him. To reassure herself all was well. To hear him snarkily tell her off and goad her into an argument. To have him be normal. Why couldn't things be normal? Why couldn't she be normal? It wasn't normal behavior, seeking out a Malfoy in the dead of the night. And yet she wasn't ready to leave him.
The halls were quiet tonight. Steeling her nerve, Hermione climbed up the stairs, taking each step carefully as if they might fall from beneath her. When she finally reached the top, she felt a crushing sense of disappointment. There was no one there. She stood looking at the shadows cast by the moonlight and then abruptly turned around to leave. If she hadn't paused just then, still caught up in her emotions of the moment, she wouldn't have heard it. A faint sigh, not quite a moan but almost. Her heart leapt and she spun around again. This time, she moved further into the room, searching behind the stone pillars that were cast in shadows. And there she found Draco, sitting on the ground leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, his forehead covered in beads of sweat. Hermione couldn't explain the feeling of relief that she felt at that moment. He was there and he was alive and for some reason, that really mattered to her.
"Going to stand there mute forever, Granger?" he drawled. His voice was faint, but his annoying drawl was still there. "Pity, I had thought you had left, but now you refuse to even rise to the bait?"
Ignoring him, she knelt by his side and began running her wand above him, trying her best to discover what his injuries were.
"What are you doing? Will you stop?" he half-heartedly swatted at her wand. "What do you think you are, some sort of guardian angel?"
She looked up at him and snorted. "Not quite that, I assure you. But you obviously need medical attention, and since you refuse to seek out any of the professors or Madam Pomfrey, that leaves me to look after your sorry behind." She glared at him, "At don't swat at wands, that's stupid and dangerous! Now be silent while I try and do this. I'm not quite as adept at Healing as I would like to be, but I have been studying."
"Of course you have," he muttered, but ceased resisting while she finished. She sat back, puzzled. Nothing seemed technically the matter with him. No broken bones, no bleeding internally or externally, no residual effects of any curses or hexes that she could determine.
"I don't get it. I can't find anything wrong with you, yet you look like hell."
"I'm sure I could find at least a dozen girls who would disagree with you on my looks Granger," he had the audacity to wink at her. "But you won't find anything. As I said, your presence here is useless. There are certain curses and dark spells that can do damage without leaving any physical evidence. I'm surprised you don't know that."
Hermione glared at him. She'd been working so hard to prepare for this moment, should it occur. Studying in all her spare time. All to help him!
"You never said anything about my not being able to help you! And last time, you very well did need my help, despite your protests, so how was I to know that this time I might not be able to do anything? You should be grateful, yet you Slytherins don't even understand gratitude or thanks do you?" She suspended her tirade for a moment, as something he said dawned on her.
This felt good, he thought. For this first time this year something felt normal. Snipping with Granger, it was invigorating. He needed more. Oblivious to her train of thought, he replied snidely, "Maybe you Gryffindors should simply learn to mind your own business and stop trying to help every bloody person you meet. There are some of us your goody goody ways just can't help!" He was fully glaring at her now, and attempting to get up, wanting to luxuriate in her temper. She gave him a shove to prevent him rising and he slumped against the wall. She jumped up and began to pace in front of him.
"At least you finally admit that someone has been cursing you! So who has been doing this to you? Have you been on assignments for Voldemort and then been attacked or something?" She cried accusingly, her stomach churning. He shivered at the name, but Hermione didn't care. Part of her felt sick, knowing she had come to willingly help someone who may have just murdered a family of muggles.
"Just go back to your common room, little Gryffindor. There are things your sensitive ears just shouldn't hear." He closed his eyes, thinking she would take this as a sign for her dismissal. That timely reminder of his reality had been enough to ruin any semblance of normalcy he was feeling before.
"Don't you talk to me like that! I know very well that we are on our way to war Malfoy! Yet I can't help it! People we have known for seven years are soon going to be on opposing sides, killing each other, dying in battle, yet this morning I was just in class with them. It's not fair and it's not right, but don't think for a minute that I don't know that it is happening!" she whirled to face him, her eyes ablaze. "And there you stand, fighting with a demented wizard, yet I still feel the need to help you. Well forgive me, but I am not quite ready to be drawing lines in the sand, even if you have made your stance on people like me perfectly clear." She turned, determined to leave having had the last word.
Before she made it to the doorway, he had grasped her upper arm and spun her around to face him. He glared down into her face, but instead of yelling, his voice was low and hard as steel.
"You think this is so easy do you? To make decisions like this, to think about hurting people, killing people, do you think that it doesn't keep me up at night? But we can't just blindly run to defend the supposed greater good. There are other people involved, people I love, and I have to protect them." His grip on her arm tightened. "Potter should realize how lucky he is that he has no family to love or to love him. Love comes with an obligation and that's how you get stuck in circles like this. Do you think I want to see my mother tortured if I refuse to do as I am told? Tell me you haven't thought about it, "he gave her a shake "Tell me you haven't resented him just a little for putting you in a position like this. Tell me that you don't worry whenever you get the paper that you'll recognize a name there, or that you'll receive that blasted owl saying your family is dead." He came to a stop and stood breathing heavy and staring into her eyes. Hermione's mouth was agape and her heart broke for the pain she saw in his eyes. What he said made sense in a way. Unlike she or Harry, many families had their prior allegiances to live up to, which meant their children would be stuck on the path they chose, unless they decided to take a potentially dangerous chance by abandoning them.
"Malfoy, I didn't think-" he blinked at her, as if coming out of a trance. She reached towards him but he pulled away as if some spell had been broken. He hastily let go of her arm and stepped back.
"Of course not. Forget I said anything Granger. Doesn't matter in the long run anyway." He turned away from her, but Hermione couldn't let it go.
"It matters, Malfoy. We don't stop and think that maybe everyone has their own motives. That maybe actions aren't based in hate, but maybe in fear." She tentatively touched his shoulder. He didn't turn around, but didn't shrug her off either.
"I'd like to help you while I can. I know there is going to come a time when we will be on opposing sides on that battlefield, but for now, we can just make do with what is, and what we know is that I am the only person who can help you." He turned around to face her then, and just stared at her. As she stared back, she felt a surge of compassion so strong she couldn't deny it. She felt as if she was meant to find him that first day in the tower, that she was destined to help him. Odd for someone who didn't believe in Divination, but it was there all the same. Before she could say anymore, he jerked his head up and stared at the door. Within seconds, he had grabbed her and pulled her further into the tower, further back into the shadows where he had been hiding. He pressed a finger to her lips and pushed her into a crevice in the wall, crowding in beside her, so close that their bodies were pressed together. For a moment she couldn't process anything other than the feel of him, but her mind began to clear as she heard the faint sound of voices upon the stairways.
"I don't think anyone is up here Pansy," Hermione recognized Millicent Bullstrode's deep tenor.
"I'm sure I heard voices Millicent, and if we catch some Gryffindor up here, it will be worth the trek, don't you think. Especially when I turn them over to Snape," the glee in Pansy's voice was clear. She was obviously anticipating some sort of reward for her actions.
Hermione held her breath as their footsteps slowed when they entered the room. She stared wide eyed at Malfoy, who seemed to keep perfectly still very easily.
"No one Pansy, see? Not a mouse. This really was useless," Millicent grumbled. Hermione bit her lip to stop from smiling at the whine in Millicent's voice.
"Oh all right, not here, but I know there was voices, so let's head back down and check the other class rooms…" Pansy's voice faded as the two girls made their way back downstairs. Hermione released a gentle sigh of relief at their departure. She looked up at Malfoy and let out a little giggle when she saw his serious expression.
"At least they didn't catch us," she whispered, still a little anxious that they might hear her and come back. "Malfoy?" she questioned when he didn't respond. He didn't say anything nor did he move so that they could leave the room. Instead, he just stood staring at her, his eyes darkening to a stormy grey. Even in the darkness, she noticed that his eyes were fixated on her mouth.
"Malfoy?" she questioned again, but this time it came out almost like a breathy request. Her heart was pounding and while a part of her said she should move away now, another perhaps stronger part wanted her to be closer. To reach her arms around him and- Before she could finish the thought, his mouth came down on hers, almost as fast and swift as a crack of lightning. Caught off guard, surprise was her first emotion. Her hands lingered by her side, shock keeping them still, but she couldn't keep herself from reacting for long. His mouth was firm and insistent, his hands on her hips pulling her flush against him. She felt her arms slip around his neck and pull him down closer to her. He responded by lifting her up and holding her against him with her back to the wall. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she let go of his mouth to breathe. But that didn't stop him. He trailed kisses down her neck, than back up her jawline and back to her mouth for another taste. He felt so good, she couldn't think straight. The only words that would form in her mind were more please and even that took some effort. And Draco seemed a man possessed. He held her closer, kissed her harder, didn't seem to be thinking at all and didn't seem to have any intention of letting her go. She laced her fingers through his hair and sighed out his name.
"Draco." She was surprised how easily it slid off her tongue. But his name coming from her mouth affected him as nothing else could have at that moment. He stopped, with his hands still clutching her behind and her hands still in his hair, to stare at her. Realization dawned in the moment she said his name. It was the first moment that she had ever called him his given name instead of Malfoy. Breathing heavily, they stared at each other in complete surprise. Hermione waited for the horror to come. She waited for the urge to scream, to push him off her and to run away back to her dorms. But it didn't come. Instead some sort of apprehension was unraveling in her chest. She was afraid of what was going through his mind. He broke eye contact and gently unwrapped her legs and repositioned her on the floor. Then without a word he dashed out the door.
Hermione made it back to Gryffindor tower that night in a haze. She was lucky she hadn't been caught as she wandered the corridors and she half-hoped that Draco had been responsible for removing Pansy and Millicent from the area to protect her.
Or to protect himself, the little voice in her head reminded her. Because he would not want anyone to know they had been together in the tower, let alone what they had been doing there. Hermione wanted to stop thinking about it, she really did. But her inquisitive nature wouldn't let the subject stray very far from her mind. She knew why she kissed him back. The answer was simple, she hadn't been thinking. The problem was she had acted purely on feeling and kissing him back felt right. It was simply a chemical reaction. A result of her teenage hormones. She refused to delve any deeper into her subconscious and changed directions. The real question was why had he kissed her in the first place? Unable to figure that out, she had tossed and turned all night, then woke up the next morning feeling anxious about seeing him in the Great Hall at breakfast.
She needn't have worried. Draco didn't show up during the entire time she was there. And she was loathe to admit it, but she hung around for an hour. Unable to sleep, she had made her way down there before the boys woke up and waited for him to make an appearance. Forty-five minutes still no Draco and the boys finally trudged in. Ron plopped down beside her with a grunt of a "good morning" as he grabbed the nearest dish. Harry laughed and shook his head as he sat down.
"Morning Hermione, you're up early aren't you?" Harry grinned "Studying already?" He began to serve himself and Hermione stared at him blindly. Realizing that she was taking far too long to answer, she gave him an absent smile.
"Early bird and all that," she replied. She grabbed a muffin and a left aside Prophet and hoped they wouldn't try to ask any more questions. As they began to discuss their latest Quidditch practice, Hermione felt herself getting choked up. These moments were rare and fleeting now. Did Draco ever have any moments of normalcy anymore? She'd heard that he'd practically abandoned the Slytherin Quidditch team and now that she thought about it he wasn't hanging around with his cronies as much these days. Even Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Chosen One managed to find time to laugh with his friends and forget, at least for a minute, the pressures to come. She knew, even if he wouldn't admit it openly yet, that he fancied Ginny.
Did Draco secretly fancy her? She snorted, she doubted it.
"Hermione?" Harry asked. Even Ron had stopped his gorging to look up at her. Apparently her snort hadn't been a silent one.
"Oh, something stupid in the paper. You know The Prophet, always hiding their own agenda and thinking that the poor peasants won't understand them." She replied nonchalantly. Harry looked as if he wanted to question her further, when Ron interrupted, returning the conversation to Quidditch.
"You've got to do something about McLaggen, Harry! I'm sick of him hanging around our practices telling me what to do better," he complained. Hermione crumpled the paper and stood.
"I'll see you boys later. I want to make a quick stop at the library before Transfiguration this morning." She left without looking back and Ron's voice faded away. The way her thoughts were headed it wouldn't be good to be in their company right now. What if she let Malfoy's name slip? That would be trouble all around.