Hermione angrily paced the floors of the small abandoned classroom. It had been a month. One month since they'd returned from Christmas holidays, and Draco had been avoiding her. Even more adamantly than he had in the autumn. He was strategically eating his meals at odd hours in the Great Hall, he had moved seats in most of their classes to avoid eye contact with her, and, most frustrating, he was entirely avoiding the Astronomy Tower. She'd visited at random intervals during her Prefect rounds, but to no avail.
She was angry. Hurt as well, but it was easier to deal with the anger. Hadn't they moved past this already? They'd gone through this behaviour before. He'd tried to avoid her, they failed spectacularly, and ended up entangled in each other's arms. It was futile and ridiculous. She would not spend the next few months going in vicious circles.
Hermione let out a frustrated sigh. They had come too far to go back now. She had every intention of helping see him through this. She was invested in this relationship. And, despite his actions, she knew he was too. Even now, though he was pretending as if she didn't exist, she had the proof that she had affected him, that she had touched him on some level. One day in the halls, the stairs had moved, and she could see him exasperatedly rerouting his path to the 7th floor by the look of it. And she had seen it. The cat's eye. The cat's eye she had oh so strategically dropped in his pocket during their interlude in the snow. He hadn't been to only one to exchange gifts. Hermione took the opportunity that had been gifted to her and had been very pleased with her choice. The cat's eye, after all, was supposed to help protect from mental invasions and help to stimulate physical recovery from attacks—physical or mental.
The first few weeks, she had felt foolish for even doing something so sentimental. But when she had seen him absently palm the stone in his hand as he walked, watched him brush his thumb over the surface, her resolve crumbled. He had kept it. Not only had he kept her gift, but he apparently kept it with him on a regular basis. She hated that she was pleased by that.
And so now here she was. Confused and determined to have answers. Before the holidays, he had been the one taking risks, determined to spend time with her. But now, nothing. Why had he been avoiding her? The explanation she liked least crept back into her mind. Because of your blood. Was that why? She had thought he had changed his views, that he had evolved. After all, their previous encounters would certainly suggest that. Now she wasn't so sure. Was it even possible for so many years of careful molding by his parents to be obliterated in such a short time? Perhaps his time at home had changed things. But the stone… it left her even more adamant for a confrontation.
Hermione stopped her pacing to listen. He should be along any minute. She had taken great care with this plan of hers. Just as their Ancient Runes class was ending, she had subtly cast a Diffindo and watched as his belongings tumbled to the floor. To buy herself some more time, she had ensured that his inkwell had smashed, covering the floor and surrounding items. It hadn't been very kind of her, but she was determined to find a way to meet with him. As expected, no one had stayed to help him clean the mess. So here was she, waiting for him to pass this rarely used classroom so that she could finally corner his attention.
She heard the steps starting to pass the door and she sprung. Wand out, she grasped at the passing black robes and yanked hard. Only to see the robes tear. Draco spun around, his eyes sparking with temper. They softened a touch at the sight of her, but only for a moment.
"Granger, what the hell—" Frustrated that her plan was already failing, Hermione looked around quickly and then shoved Draco unceremoniously through the door. After quickly charming the door and casting a Muffliato, she turned to face him.
"You owe me an explanation." Hermione crossed her arms and stared him down. Draco casually dropped his bag to the ground and leaned against the wall. He was looking at her, but he wasn't looking at her. It was as if he were looking through her.
"I don't think I owe you anything anymore, Granger." Hermione rolled her eyes at his snark.
"Well, you're wrong. What is this all about? Why are you playing games? Why are you avoiding me? If you recall, that didn't work out so well the last time you tried it." He didn't say a word and Hermione began to tap her foot impatiently. What was this? Draco was never one not to raise to the bait. And yet, here he stood, apparently cool and composed while she wanted to rant.
"Don't just stand there! Oh for goodness' sake!" Frustrated, Hermione whipped out her wand. "Accio cat's eye!" Hermione grabbed the stone as it soared from his pocket and watched with grim satisfaction as a tick started in Draco's jaw. "Care to explain why you're carrying this around with you?"
"If you wanted it back, all you had to do was ask. If that's all…" Draco's jaw was set as he moved from the wall. Hermione closed in on him and pushed him back.
"Of course that's not all! I don't want it back!" She exclaimed, fumbling to shove it back in its rightful place. "It was a gift Draco. And I think the fact that we exchanged gifts tells you that this is more than a fleeting fancy."
"What do you want from me Granger?" he snapped, moving towards. His eyes flashed angrily, but Hermione wasn't going to give him an inch. She deserved answers.
"What do you want Draco?" she shot back, deliberately using his first name to jar him. It worked. She saw his jaw clench. She wasn't going to allow him to retreat back to using last names as some sort of defense mechanism. She advanced on him, unleashing all her anger and confusion.
"You started all this with that blasted kiss! And then another! Then you take me out in the middle of the night for some pseudo date—"
"It was a real date!" His defensiveness surprised her. It seemed to release something in him as well. That cool resolve crumbled around him as he snapped back, moving in closer to her. "And don't you bloody well blame me for all this! I've just been trying to survive this year. That's all I needed to do. And it's been bloody hard enough. Then you come along, desperate to help me. Why is that? Why couldn't you leave well enough alone? You made me need you!"
She was so tired of rehashing the same argument over and over again.
"May I remind you that you very well DID need me? You could have died Draco!" She reinforced that last point with a jab to his chest. He grabbed her hand, and trapped it there. The air crackled around them. She could feel his heart pounding beneath her fingers, but he acted as if her touching him was the most normal thing in the world.
Her breath hitched, but he didn't stop his tirade. It was as if the dam had collapsed and the words were tumbling out. "Now I can't get enough of you. I can't stop looking for you. I want you closer all the damn time and I can't stand it. Do you know how hard I've worked not to see you? And then you do this! I don't need anyone, do you understand that? Needing people makes you weak. It's so damn dangerous." He was absently caressing her hand on his chest. "But you… goddamnit Hermione. Why does being with you have to feel so good?"
If he was looking for an answer, Hermione was in no place to give him one. She felt the same. It shouldn't feel so right to be with Draco Malfoy. He was working for the enemy. And yet she had abandoned those arguments long ago. All those nights helping him. The long conversations. All of it showed her that they had moved well past their allegiances. It was deeper than that now. Which made her all the angrier with him.
She went to pull her hand away, but he tightened his grip.
"If you feel that way, if being together makes you happy, why did you pull away? Why did you avoid me like the plague this past month?" She hated that her hurt came through her words, but why was he pulling back now? After all this time sneaking around. His words didn't suggest he was having second thoughts. Just the opposite. It seemed as if his feelings were as surprisingly deep as hers were.
"Really? For the brightest witch of our age… for once I was trying to do the right bloody thing. You can thank your influence for that. This can't end any way but badly. I don't want you to get hurt." His words seemed sincere, but Hermione doubted him. She was hurting and wanted to lash out.
"That sounds oddly convenient. You know what I think?" His eyes narrowed at her, but she paid him no mind. "I think that that Pureblood Draco Malfoy went home for the holidays and it dawned on him that he couldn't possibly have feelings for the Mudblood Gryffindor. That he'd be tainted by being with her. So the best thing would be to act as if none of it ever happened." Her words fell like dead weights in a pool.
His eyes hardened and for a moment Hermione feared that she had made a colossal error.
"Of course you would think that. I shouldn't be surprised that you'd think so low of me. But that didn't stop you from snogging me senseless. Didn't stop you from climbing all over me did it?" He sneered at her, finally releasing her hand from his chest. He took a step back, putting even more distance between them.
"Simple chemistry. Hormones. That's your excuse, isn't it? You'll need some way to justify kissing me, won't you?" Hermione wasn't sure why she kept goading him. This wasn't at all how she anticipated this conversation to go. He didn't respond, just stared at her coolly. It was that cool stare that got to her. "Don't worry Draco. It wasn't that memorable. I'll be sure to replace them with better ones soon enough." She lied through her teeth. As if she could possibly forget their nights together.
Draco knew that her words were total rubbish. But that knowledge didn't stop them from getting under his skin. He felt some sort of primitive urge to remind her just how good it was between them. He knew for a certainty that he wouldn't be able to replace her. She'd become as necessary as oxygen. He was a damn addict.
"Not memorable Granger? Don't play the victim. You're the one making up excuses not me. If I had my way, we'd be kissing again." But he couldn't have things his way. If things were his way, he wouldn't be in this bloody messi in the first place.
Hermione's temper gave way to a feeling of frustration. "Then what was the point of all this? We are so obviously attracted to each other. It's why we couldn't stay away before. I'm tired of the games and circles. We need to accept this for what it is. You mean something to me, Draco." She wasn't ready to voice exactly what those feelings were, but this was a start.
"You think you don't? That I don't care about you? Don't be daft Granger," Draco ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and looked at her with troubled eyes. "If you were nothing, I'd use you and leave you. I don't care how awful that makes me sound. It's the truth. But you are more, and because of who I am and who you are, it makes it dangerous. I'm trying to protect you!"
"You want to protect me? To help me?" she snapped. An idea began to glimmer. "Then don't shut me out! Don't pretend I'm not a part of this Draco! With or without you, I'm a part of this!"
Draco glared. "I am bloody well aware of that! I don't thank Potter for that either! Endangering you like this… which is why I won't do it anymore!"
"So you're just going to run away? Shut me out?"
"Do you have any better ideas?" the fight was going of him, Hermione could tell. He didn't want to give them up any more than she did.
"Yes, actually." She crossed her arms, staring him down. "You think I need protection? Then teach me!"
"What are you on about?" Draco asked in utter confusion.
"You heard me. Teach me Occlumency." Hermione's hands went to her hips, offended by the dumbstruck look on his face. "If I can Occlude, we can minimize the risk of anyone finding out about us." Anyone with the potential to do them harm, anyway. Not to mention, it would keep anyone else from finding out secrets about Harry.
"Hermione, it's not, I mean I can't…" Draco's words faded at the look on her face. Could he possibly? He'd never taught anyone anything. And this was advanced magic.
Hermione huffed. It was ridiculous. Harry had learned. Draco had learned. She could learn, she was certain. This would help her in so many ways. She was surprised she hadn't considered it earlier.
"You put the idea in my head after all," She began to pace. "Did you really believe that I wouldn't go home and at least start to look into Occlumency after our last conversation?"
Draco mutely shook his head. This was insane. It wasn't as if he had had the best of teachers in his crazy aunt Bella. He certainly wouldn't be using any of her tactics. He thought of the fear that clawed at him while he had been home. But if there was even a chance that Occlumency could help protect her… and the selfish thought drifted through his head that it meant he could have her with him just a little bit longer. And oh how he wanted that. He wasn't strong enough to resist her for much longer. He was surprised he had held out as long as he had. He nodded his agreement.
Hermione was suddenly baffled. She had expected that she'd need to completely convince him with a long lecture. She hadn't thought he'd agree so quickly. She quieted, feeling a touch suspicious of his motives.
"Why?"
"What do you mean?" Draco tilted his head as he looked at her, his thoughts already on his forthcoming challenge. He'd have to work quickly. She'd need this in case… well in case his plan actually worked. It would provide her with some protection. And whether he succeeded or not, the Dark Lord was growing stronger by the day. It wouldn't be long before she'd be in more danger.
"Why are you agreeing to help me so easily? Just moments ago, you were insisting we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore. Yet now you want to spend more time together, despite the danger?" Hermione wasn't used to others agreeing so quickly. Perhaps it was the Gryffindor temperament, or the stubborn natures which surrounded her, but this didn't settle well with her. She'd gotten what she wanted, yes, but why?
Draco's mouth pressed into a hard line. "Because you're right." He reached for her. Hermione didn't step away, but didn't move any closer. He brushed a hand through her hair in a soothing motion. To soothe himself or her, it was unclear.
His plan was already in motion. If he didn't proceed, he would die. His mother would die. And while everyone thought that Albus Dumbledore was some sort of saint, he had his doubts about the Headmaster's ability to save his mother when she was already in the clutches of the Dark Lord.
"There isn't much I can do anymore," he confided. "But I can help you with this." He wanted to protect her. But how could he choose between her and his mother? He lost either way. But helping her learn Occlumency, that would only help her.
There was a defeatedness in his tone that had Hermione softening her stance. He had agreed to what she wanted, hadn't he? It was a step in the right direction. She stepped into his embrace, giving in to her desire to be near him. Eventually, he'd come to trust her fully and then she could help him out from under Voldemort's influence. She could save him. She rested her head against his chest, as he tugged her closer. Until then, they had this.