I really can't believe we are still without power. They are saying tomorrow. But of course they also said Saturday...and then Sunday. So we'll see. Like I told Robsmyyummy...it could be worse...I could have a shark swimming in my front yard.

Thank you guys for all your kind thoughts and offers (I'm looking at you, Sally, Shell and Born). We are spending the day at my parents to warm up, use their WiFi and do laundry. So I'll try and post two chapters while we're here.

Chapter Sixteen

Staying Afloat

Every breath for Edward was a struggle. He found it impossible to sleep in their bed without Bella, giving him no option but to sleep on the couch in the living room. The kids made him smile, but there was nothing but emptiness in his heart with Bella gone.

The first weekend came and Edward hoped Bella would be the one to come and pick up the kids. When he saw Charlie's Jeep pull in the driveway instead of Bella's van, he nearly lost it. After seeing the kids safely away, Edward went inside and locked himself in the bathroom. He screamed and threw things at the wall as he tried to deal with the pain. Charlie came back and busted the door down, dragging Edward out by the back of his shirt. Throwing Edward's still struggling form into a chair, Charlie leaned down and got right in his face.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do, Charlie?" Edward yelled, needing someplace for his impotence and rage to go. Charlie crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at him.

"Did that therapist want to see you back?" he asked, and Edward should have been embarrassed that he knew so much about his apparent shortcomings, but he was just grateful someone understood what he was going through.

"She told me that I was beyond her realm of practice," Edward sneered, wiping at the tears on his cheeks without shame.

"Well then you find someone that will help you and show Bella you're trying," he said as he placed his hand on his shoulder. "She's just as miserable as you are, son."

Edward hated that Bella was upset. He hoped that she wasn't crying herself to sleep, like he was. He never wanted her to feel that kind of pain.

*()*()*

The house was empty and Edward couldn't stand the silence. He needed to do something to get his mind off that pain in his heart. Realizing he had yet to get his son's name in his skin, he grabbed the car keys and headed down to the tattoo shop. It was empty that early on a Saturday morning, but the guys all knew Edward. As he lay on the table, feeling the stinging prick of the needle as it etched his son's name in his skin, he thought of Bella.

The pain of the tattoo had nothing on the agony of her absence.

As the artist wiped a damp cloth over the new ink, Edward turned over and asked for one more thing.

Bella's name…right across his heart.

*()*()*

Edward tried not to get his hopes up when he heard the kitchen door open Sunday night. Walking around the corner, he closed his eyes and prayed that it would be Bella standing in the doorway.

Renee gave him a sad smile as she handed him the kid's bags. Bella and her mother looked so much alike, seeing her was like a knife in his chest. As she gave him a lingering hug and kissed the kids goodbye, Edward realized that if he wanted Bella back, he was going to have to show her he was serious about changing. Though he didn't think there was anything wrong with the way he loved, apparently she did. He needed to find a therapist that could help him. He was ready to do whatever he had to to get her back.

*()*()*

"So Mr. Cullen, can you try to tell me in your own words why you are here today?" the therapist asked kindly as she sat in a chair across from Edward. Edward struggled to come up with what he needed to say. So instead he tried to tell the woman what it had been like since Bella left him.

"I'm scared. I love her so much, and if anything ever happened to her, I would be lost. If she left me, left us…I wouldn't be able to go on. I can't even imagine a world without her in it".

"Mr. Cullen, what your other therapist said is correct. This all stems from your insecurity. If we spend some time dealing with your self-esteem issues, then maybe we can get to the root of all of this."

Edward hated talking about himself. He always thought his self-esteem was pretty good. He was awesome…end of story. But apparently there was more hiding deep inside of him, and the therapist was able to find it and lay him bare on the carpet of her office. Edward never thought those year of teasing and bullying when he was a child would have any bearing on how he treated Bella, but apparently it did.

As he listened to all of the things he'd done wrong, he realized he always thought he wasn't worthy of Bella.

Turned out, he was right.

:-( Poor BrokenCreeperward.

See you soon.