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Chapter nine

Despair

She'd never felt like this before. She didn't think anyone had ever felt like this before. Was it possible to have your heart literally break and then fall out of your chest? That's exactly what Lily was going through. When she got home she went straight to her room and locked the door. Her mother had tried to get her to talk, but to no avail. Jack wouldn't give up for over an hour, but even he was no comfort. Finally everyone thought it was best to just leave her alone.

At first she kind of blamed herself. It wasn't like Nathan was dating her. He was with Sally and everyone knew that if you dated Sally you got lucky. And Lily even knew that Nathan wasn't a virgin. He gave that up last year during senior week (He snuck a ride with a current senior). It hadn't bothered her then though because it was a one night stand thing and she wasn't in love with him then.

Later her guilt turned to anger. How could he date let alone sleep with Sally? How could he not notice how amazing she was? Why did he get jealous of Wesley? He had no right to do any of those things. Damn Nathan Sloan who was way too much like his father. He would never get a chance to hurt Lily again because she would kick him out of her life for good. Never again would she shed a tear for him because all sympathy was lost on him anyway.

At around one in the afternoon she heard a knock on her door.

"Go away." She mumbled.

"It's me." Gwen's voice came." Lily got up from her door and answered it to find her now only best friend. "Oh Lily." Gwen said evaluating her friend's appearance. Lily's eyes were rimmed red and she had tears staining her cheeks. Her hair was a mess and her body just looked so fragile. She pulled her friend into a fierce embrace. "It's him isn't it? I'll kill him for you Lily I swear."

"It's not worth it." Lily said hoarsely. "I don't care anymore Gwen. I just don't care." The pair made their way into the room and Lily fell onto the bed while Gwen sad at the desk chair. She looked at room and noticed several frames containing pictures of Lily growing up with Nathan and recent pictures with Gwen and Nathan and Lily all smiling and happy. That might never happen again. Gwen realized sadly. It was true that Nathan wasn't her favorite person in the world, but she had grown to love him in her own way.

"I went to tell him this morning." Lily offered after a long silence. "When I knocked on the door Sally answered practically naked."

"Oh Lil I'm so sorry." Gwen said sympathetically. "He is such an ass." Gwen felt like she had literally been punched. She truly believed that Nathan would realized how much he loved Lily and dump Sally and then live a happily ever after with Lily. She felt like such an idiot for believing in such a Disney ending. She should have seen it coming. After all, even if Lily wouldn't say it out loud, he was Mark Sloan's son, the son of the same Mark Sloan who broke Lily's Aunt's heart so many years before. She thought Nathan of all people would learn from his father's mistakes. Hopefully he had worn a condom because who knows what he could have gotten from Sally or worse yet, what he could have fertilized in her. It would be like the Damien from the Omen, but more evil.

"Are you sure I can't kick him in the balls." Gwen asked, "I haven't kicked someone in the balls since John broke up with me." Lily giggled.

"Don't kick him in the balls." Lily said. "But when he tries to talk to me on Monday I'll need your smart ass comments to keep him away."

"I would have done that anyway." Gwen assured. "Do you still want to go to prom? Because we can totally scrap that plan Lily, I really don't care."

"No I want to go to prom. I'm not going to let him ruin it."

"I think I'm rubbing off on you."

"Thanks Gwen," Lily said, " for being such a good friend."

"You're a great friend Lily." Gwen insisted. "Let's not waste anymore time or energy on you know who. How about we watch a funny movie?"

"I'm in the mood for Clueless."

"Clueless it is then."

888

Nathan, for the lack of a better term, felt like shit. His head throbbed from the alcohol he had consumed with Sally the night before. He was still piecing the evening together, but from what he did remember, he would rather forget. After he had seen Lily kissing Wesley, something inside him snapped. It was the most extreme jealousy he had ever felt.

After he arrived home he called Sally over and she arrived just in time for his second beer. After a few more beverages the pair made their way to the bed room. Images of Lily filled his head the whole time he was with Sally and it made him feel like an even bigger whore. He would never be good enough for Lily. He wasn't anywhere near as perfect as Wesley Kennedy so he might as well live up to the legacy of his father. He already looked like Mark so he might as well act like him too. He would just be friends with Lily because that was already more than he deserved anyway.

He sat alone in his empty house that was way too big for only two people. His father would be back from the night shift soon unless there was some sort of major catastrophe. He was prepared to sit alone and sulk all day until he heard a knock at the door. He went to answer it thinking that maybe Sally had forgotten something. Upon opening the door he met the very angry Jack Shepherd. Usually Jack and he got along very well so Nathan was hard pressed to find a reason why he would be mad.

Before he could dwell on it any longer Jack pushed his way into the house.

"Did you have a good time last night Nathan?" Jack asked angrily.

"How did you get here?" Nathan asked confused. Jack had his permit, but he didn't have a car yet.

"I borrowed Lily's car, but don't you change the subject."

"What subject?" Nathan asked getting upset. "What are you talking about?"

"God, are you that daft?" Jack asked.

"Only when someone burst into my house asking about how my night was when I'm still hung over." Nathan admitted heatedly.

"I know you screwed Sally last night. I think most people know at this point."

"How would you know that?" Nathan asked paling.

"I guess Sally didn't inform you who showed up here this morning." Jack mused.

"No she didn't." Nathan said quietly.

"Last night Lily came home from her date with a smile on her face," Jack began, "but it wasn't because of Wesley. It was because of you."

"Didn't look that way when she was kissing him." Jack rolled his eyes at Nathan's interruption.

"She told me that she was in love with you and that she wanted to tell you as soon as possible. So this morning she eagerly went to your house and from the shocked appearance on your face I can only assume that it wasn't you who answered the door."

"No it wasn't me." Nathan confirmed.

"So now she's in her room and she won't come out."

"Should I go over there?" Nathan asked.

"Hell no," Jack said, "Your lucky I'm not kicking your ass right now. I just wanted to let you know what you did to my sister and to warn you to stay away."

"Well Jack it's really Lily's decision whether she wants me in her life or not." Jack snorted at this.

"Fine," Jack agreed, "but when she tells you to stay away from her on Monday you better listen or I will kick your ass." He left Nathan standing there staring. She loved him. She was in love with him and as usual because of his own stupid shit he had messed everything up and this time he really didn't think he could fix it.

A/N- I'll try to update later this week….I wonder how awkward school will be…