August 16th 2021

Chapter 228
Our Loss of Mind

As she walked to return to her classroom, Maya began to suspect that she may have subconsciously had another motive for going to sit outside on her off period. Her heart was drumming with nervousness, with something like fear, and she knew why. Her next group would be the sophomores. Lambert's class. And he wouldn't be there, in his usual spot. It would be one thing with the other groups, but next time the bell called a class to start would be the time when he'd be supposed to be there, and he wouldn't be, not today, not ever again. And it just might break her to see it, same as it would the kids. And Taylor wouldn't be there either, he'd be back home, his mind in turmoil, and she couldn't… Right then, she made up her mind that she needed to go and see him, too, before she went to see Barton, Michelle, and the boys.

She was drawn to the supply closet door, like motor memory, but then she stopped. Here more than her other classes today, was there even a point to putting out materials? If her students wanted to make something, they could pick out whatever material they wished to use as far as she was concerned. And if they didn't want to make anything, if they just wanted to be able to sit here for a while with their thoughts, well, they could do that, too.

When second period let out, she became aware of the sounds in the hall, and she slowly moved into the doorway to look around. There was a definite change of pace, a mood, a heaviness in the air. Some kids were quiet, others talking close among themselves. Some of them were holding hands, looking almost afraid that their friend might fly away.

From her mind came a memory, not the first to catch her unawares today, as she turned back into her class. She thought of the last day before Christmas when Lambert had led them into song. It had been such a good moment, one they'd remember and cherish, and now… Just now, it pinched at the heart, but in time… Hopefully, in time, it would warm that same heart, recalling that sweet soul when it had been among them.

"Hey…"

Maya blinked, tried to subtly brush away a couple of tears with ideas on escaping. There stood Summer and Lea, and the former looked as though she'd taken on the task of supporting the latter. Lea had definitely been crying, possibly on and off.

"Come here," Maya softly beckoned her cousin, arms open, and Lea didn't have to be told twice. She bolted into her embrace like she'd been needing it all morning. She cried, her body wracked with sobs, and Maya just held her, rubbed her back, so she might let them out.

Behind them, Summer took both of their bags and brought them to the same station, as they had been doing ever since the Sullivan-Reyes girl had discovered her secret. Actually, the two of them had been sharing their space with Taylor and Lambert, too. When she put the bags down, Maya could see the moment it hit her again, how the boys wouldn't be here today, one because he was home, and the other… She looked back to her teacher, like she knew she was being watched, and she looked like a small child, frightened. Maya opened one arm back out again, and she came to join their hold.

"Can you girls help me with something?"

They went and gathered all the stools they'd need, brought them away from the stations to the front of the class, where they lined them up in a circle. As the rest of the class started to arrive, they would put their bags down and come join them. Today, it didn't matter where they usually sat, and it wasn't the kind of thing where you went searching for a seat on its own as much as possible. Everyone that arrived came and sat at whichever stool was next unoccupied alongside the last one occupied. Maya clocked them all on arrival, seeing which ones were in worse shape than the others. If they were worse off, they could generally count on their neighbor to reach for their hand or offer a willing shoulder to lean to.

With the last of the group among them, the circle was complete. She could have left empty stools for both of those missing boys today, but if she wanted to highlight the absence, she could have left everyone to sit at their stations. No, what she was looking for today was to allow the mourners to mourn, to feel close to one another, not spread out. To look at them, it was what they wanted, too. Even those few who were in need of sterner discipline on most days were on the same level as everyone else today.

"I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do today," she addressed them after the bell rang. "If you want to stay here and talk, we will do that. If you want to stay but you don't want to talk, you can do that, too. If you want to make something, please go and do it. If any of you wish to send some words along to the Day family, I'll deliver them. It's all up to you."

After a few minutes, some of them went to get pen and paper before returning to the circle to start writing letters. Others took their stools back to their place and went to find what they'd need to create whatever it was they wanted to create. The rest took some more time, but little by little, sometimes after having stopped to speak with their teacher, they went and got writing, too. As class progressed, a new pile started to form on Maya's desk, waiting to be delivered. Actually, there were two piles. Some of them had written something for Taylor, too, in support for the loss he had suffered as well. Summer and Lea submitted letters to both piles.

"I wanted to see you, so I stayed, but I think I need to go home now," Lea told her cousin after she'd handed in her letters. "What's the point of me being here, I can't…" she shook her head. This only forced her to try and hold herself together, to keep from crying again.

"If that's what you want," Maya stood and went to her.

"But then maybe I need to stay, I mean… What am I going to do at home that I won't do here? I'm still going to be thinking about what happened and…" Lea breathed.

"True, but at least there you get to do it somewhere comfortable… and with food," Maya pointed out, which pulled what she'd call a guilty smile from Lea. It pulled that small smile from her but immediately it felt wrong, and it was crushed. Maya thought to drive her home in her next free period, but then she imagined her being back at that house on her own, and it gave her a new idea. "How about I drive you to my house instead? You can be with Granny Lizzie, and Marianne and Tori, and the dogs." This sounded better, to Maya and to Lea as well. At once, she nodded. "Go and call one of your dads, get them to okay it with the school and I'll take you there when we're let out of here."

"Thank you," Lea sniffed and went into the supply closet with her phone. Maya turned to Summer.

"How about you? Are you good to stay?"

"As tempting as it is to go back to Tori, I think I need to stay, yeah," Summer nodded.

"Okay, but if you change your mind later, you let me know." Another nod. "Actually, if you'll stick around today, I'm going to go see Taylor this afternoon. If you want to come along…"

"I do," Summer quickly agreed. "I can see if anyone who's not in here in our year wants to write anything, too."

"Good idea," Maya gave her arm a squeeze and Summer bowed her head.

Lea had gotten the okay from Michael Sullivan, who asked to speak to his nephew's wife before he'd hang up with his daughter and call admin. They made plans for him and Keith to bring the other kids over to the house that evening for dinner. Possibly, Lucas wouldn't arrive until after the meal, and when that was over, they'd be bound for the Day house…

At the end of the period, Maya just barely remembered to hand back everyone's diaries. They received these with an instruction to either follow or disregard their next assignment as dictated inside. If they wanted to use this week for some other purpose, it was up to them. Little by little, the class emptied out, until it was just the same trio as before the period started. Summer and Lea saw to returning the rest of the stools, and when this was done, with a hug, they parted ways. Summer went on to her next class while Lea followed Maya to finally leave the school out the back door into the teachers' parking lot. They climbed into the minivan, and unlike every other time when she'd been in any vehicle with her, Lea's first move was not to reach to turn on some music. She just sat and buckled herself in, and they rode in silence. Maya let her be.

"If you need to, you call or text me, okay?" she finally spoke as they pulled up outside the house.

"Okay," Lea nodded, looking at her.

"Oh, I'm not going in," Maya shook her head, understanding the unspoken question. "If I do, I'll see Marianne, and if I see her, I won't want to leave again, I'll just… want to sit and hold her and not let her go," she admitted.

"I'll hold her for you," Lea declared after a few moments. This made Maya smile, a very small but genuine smile, and she reached out to hug her across the seats. "I keep… I don't know…"

"It doesn't feel real," Maya guessed, and Lea's eyes confirmed as much. "I understand, I do. Part of me… I was kind of hoping he'd just walk through the door today, like he always did, him and Taylor chatting away…" But he hadn't, and he wouldn't. The next time Taylor Munroe would enter her class, he would be without his other half, and it would hurt like hell.

"Are they… Are we going to be allowed to go when they have the funeral? Or just to go and… pay our respects?" Lea asked.

"I don't know," Maya admitted. "But I can find out for you, for everyone."

With little else to say or do, Lea climbed out of the car. Maya could see her grandmother watching from the window, and she wished so much that she could go inside that house, so much so that she nearly went. But she had to go back to school. She still had classes today, kids who would be coping with this bombshell just as she was. Not all of them would be able to go somewhere else to process their shock the way Lea did, and they'd need people like her to see them through it.

So, off she went, back to the school, making it in time to slip back into the building before lunch started. She stopped by the cafeteria ahead of the rush, the better to get her own meal before the kids came along. Even as she had her tray though, she ended up talking with the lunch ladies, who were doing their own bit of grieving for the Day boy. They may not have been teachers, but they saw those kids every day, too, and they knew them all. And Lambert, their future chef, naturally, was impossible for them not to notice, not to miss terribly now that he was gone. Short as his life turned out to be, he had undoubtedly left his mark on the world.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners