A/N Sorry guys for not posting last week, I was away and forgot. Anyway I've made it up by having a slightly longer chapter. A lot of you guys who review have suggested the theme of this chapter - I haven't forgotten any of your ideas. Anyway, important recap: Snape's just walked in on them... Dun dun duuuu
Chapter 23 - Snape's Secret
"Pro-Professor!" Hermione stuttered, turning away to hide her embarrassment.
"As much as I would love to deduct points from you two for kissing in the corridors, I'm afraid I can not," Snape spoke, curling his lip upwards and making both students feel very edgy.
"Professor," Draco smirked, "Do you have a problem?" His way of dealing with public humiliation - be cruel. "Don't be smart with me you insolent fool!" Snape exclaimed in a deadly whisper, making Hermione shudder. Snape drew his wand and Draco instinctively stood in front of the girl. Snape just stared. "You mean to tell me," he breathed, "that you aren't fooling around?" Snape asked coldly, raising his eyebrows as if surprised. Draco and Hermione glanced at each other but it was too late. "You foolish boy!" Snape spat, striding forward and grabbing Draco's wrist, yanking him upright and pulling him along the corridor. "Draco! Professor what are you doing?!" Hermione yelled.
"Get back to your dorm you stupid little girl!" Snape yelled back, clearly angry. Draco yanked his cloak and robes straight and glowered at his former head of house, deciding not to stick up for the girl he liked. It was probably for the best.
Once Snape had dragged him all the way out of the corridor, down the passage into the gloomy dungeons and into a disused, small potions classroom, he finally let go of Draco's arm and slammed the wooden door shut. Draco glared at his now red arm, rubbing away the pain. "Silencio," Snape muttered, flicking his wand around at the walls and thus silencing the room. Once he was sure no one could hear anything going on in this room, he rounded on the blonde boy and hissed, very angrily, "Do you and Miss Granger... Are you - Are you two seeing each other?" If Draco hadn't been in such a bad mood at that moment, he might've laughed. Instead he just pulled a face and thought about what to say. "Yeah, we are 'seeing each other,' as you so eloquently put it," he sniped coolly back. Snape groaned, threw his hands up and possibly bellowed, "ARE YOU STUPID BOY?" Draco, in spite of himself, took a step back but kept firm eye contact with the furious man before him. "I want to protect you Draco really I do but if you're going to make unwise, deluded decisions like this, then I don't -"
"I don't need your PROTECTION!" Draco roared, flailing his hands up to try to get his point across. "You can't tell anyone," Draco said. Snape gave him a cold stare. "The Dark Lord is your leader Draco -"
"Have we not already clarified that I don't give a damn about what he thinks? He's vile and cruel. And you're just pathetic." He didn't care that he'd just quoted exactly what Harry had said to him in fourth year, he just wanted out. "Pathetic," Snape murmured, chuckling darkly. Draco felt a twinge of guilt. "After everything I've done for this school, for you, for the people I associated with. You have the nerve to call me pathetic?" Draco looked away. "The fact you have the idiocy to be dating a mudblood -"
"Call her that again I dare you!" Draco yelled furiously, facing him with fiery eyes. Snape's lip curled but his face instantly turned back into its usual cold complexion. "She's nothing, Draco," he drawled. Draco fumed and opened his mouth to say something but Snape cut across him. "She will have no part in your future. You will be with Miss Parkinson or another pureblood suitor. Miss Granger will play no part in your life, else you will be killed by the Dark Lord, her too. I -" but he stopped his calm, monotone speech as Draco had cut in, yelling, "You don't understand what it's like! You've never felt any emotions towards someone other than hate or civilness! You've never loved someone!"
Snape simply stared at him, as if struck by a painful thought. A memory. He cringed slightly and looked away. Draco looked blankly at him, eyes starting to fill with confusion. Silence washed over the room like a tidal wave, drenching them both in still, cold, quietness. "Professor?" Draco asked tentatively after a minute. Snape looked up at him and then back down, thinking. At long last, he simply said, "I know exactly how you feel." Draco continued to stare at him, unsure of what he meant. "Sit, Draco," Snape sighed, and Draco sat on one of the wooden desks, watching Snape closely. Pacing in front of a disused chalkboard, Snape began with, "I know exactly how you feel because I was once in love with a girl I could never be with too." Draco listened. "Her name... Well that doesn't matter. She and I were close friends - she was my best friend." Draco had never seen Snape look so uncomfortable. "We met before our Hogwarts years and knew each other quite well. And then - she was sorted into Gryffindor. I was disappointed to say the least but we still made an effort to be friends. However, we became distant and she grew cold with me, didn't like the fact I was friends with your father and a lot of other people who now associate with the dark arts. I thought I could impress her by becoming a death eater, by learning all I knew about dark arts but no. It was this in fact that she disliked about me, no matter how much I loved her." He stopped pacing. Draco didn't see where he was going with this.
"In fifth year I did something I could never forgive myself for. I called her a mudblood," Snape drawled coldly.
"She was a muggleborn?" Draco asked amazed.
"Indeed. Beautiful; red hair and emerald green eyes. And then she went and fraternised with one of the boys I loathed. I despised him and the fact he ended up with her encouraged me to do life changing things - becoming a death eater for example. My point is is that I know how you feel. I was in love with a muggleborn just like you," Snape finished. Draco sighed.
"But that's just it," Draco exclaimed firmly after a pause, "I don't want to be like that. I'm not going to screw up like you did all those years ago. I want to be with Hermione. Professor just give me a chance." Snape comprehended this, looking down at the boy with troubled eyes. "If the Dark Lord finds out -" Snape began.
"He hasn't found out about your love has he?" Draco grumbled.
"That's got nothing to do with it. I am skilled in blocking him from my mind."
"Teach me then!"
"What?" Snape asked puzzled.
"Teach me occlumency," Draco declared. Snape sighed.
"It's not as simple as that -"
"Professor, you failed at your chance in love. I want to be with Hermione and I'll do it even if you don't help me. You were the one who wanted to protect me. You're the one my mother owled. My mother wants you to help me," Draco said coldly. Snape stared at him. Then he gave in. He was just a boy and needed to be able to love the people he wanted to. It wasn't fair and Snape completely understood that.
Five minutes later, Snape had bolted the door shut and was standing before Draco, who was seated on one of the wooden benches against the smooth, stone wall. He did feel nervous, letting Snape delve into his mind and rummage around in his thoughts. Snape drew out his wand and pointed it at him. "Clear your mind," Snape spoke harshly, and Draco tried as best he could at thinking of nothing. "Legilimens!" The man said loudly and Draco instantly felt the world rushing around him in a blur of colours. Suddenly, he was six years old flying his first broomstick, feeling the breeze whipping his hair and seeing the blur of colours race beside him. Then he was nine, going to work with his father at the ministry, meeting other ministry officials. Next he was meeting Potter at Madam Malkin's for the first time... being sorted into Slytherin... Going into the forbidden forest with Harry as punishment for being out of bed... Calling Hermione a -
He let out a painful moan and the classroom swam before him again. Snape regarded him carefully as he lay, clutching his knee on the floor; it had collided with the stone floor pretty badly. Snape himself had lowered his wand and was nursing a large burn on his hand. "I assume you didn't mean to cast incendio on my hand, Draco?" He asked dryly. Draco shook his head. "I thought not. You let me in too far, Draco, though I can't blame you. You were wasting half your energy shouting at me to stop." Well that was news to Draco. "Well," Snape sighed, "For a first effort, that was pretty good." Draco nodded, clambering back onto the bench. "Now, clear your mind!" Snape droned, pronouncing each word carefully, "Stay calm, block out my voice." Draco glared at him and sat straighter on the bench, thinking of anything but calling Hermione a mudblood. "Legilimens," Snape stated.
Now he was in fourth year, accidentally cursing Hermione's teeth to grow longer... Fifth year, joining the inquisitorial squad... Sixth year, giving Katie Bell the cursed necklace... Trying to poison Dumbledore... Standing on the astronomy tower about to watch -
The spell was quickly removed. Both Slytherins looked away from each other in an awkward silence. Snape looked very mournful and was staring at a fixed point behind Draco, though not really seeing at all. Draco on the other hand was breathing hard, as though he'd just had a panic attack but really he was just full of regret. Unfortunately, anger was coursing through his veins at the thought of Snape, who'd just brought that memory up. "My apologies," Snape said at last, looking at Draco again, "Legilimens." Draco hadn't prepared. Yet again he was swimming through memories without any kind of resistance.
His father was yelling at him, telling him he was a useless excuse for a son, beating him with a cane... His mother screaming, his father using the cruciatus curse on him... Cowering in the shadows when Voldemort first came to their home... Screaming in agony when he was punished for not killing Dumbledore... Sticking up for his mother when Voldemort had called her weak... The curse...
He yelled in anguish. Snape stared at him with a flicker of concern in his eyes. Draco just glowered. "You're not trying hard enough, Draco!" Snape snapped, but Draco had had enough.
"Shut up!" The blonde boy yelled, "I... Am... Trying... Hard... Enough!" He panted.
"Lousy," Snape snarled.
"I am not lousy!" Growled Draco, jaw clenched.
"If I can get into your mind with that much ease then you will be easy prey for the Dark Lord if he starts suspecting!" Snape said savagely, "I told you to empty your mind!"
"Oh Yeah?" Draco snarled, "Well I'm finding that a little hard right now!"
"Then you and Miss Granger will both be slaughtered!" Snape seethed. That hit a nerve. Draco flinched at the thought of Hermione dying because of him and sat very straight on the bench. "Alright," he muttered after a while.
"Legilimens!"
Instead of clearing his mind, Draco tried to focus on a square of darkness. Perhaps Snape could only see what he could let him see. If he was only seeing blackness then surely that was only what Snape could see. But it was too hard to sustain and, no matter how hard he tried, the scene before Draco's eyes changed. He was at Blaise's in the summer... Being punched by Hermione in third year... Defending Hermione in the grounds earlier that year... Healing Hermione's battle wounds after the first incident with Lavender... Comparing their blood that same day... Yelling at the same brunette to stop healing him in the bathroom... Him drawing closer to Hermione after their admissions... "What the hell?!" Draco thought furiously, "That's private! You're not seeing that you're not!" He desperately tried to regain focus on the black square, letting it consume him.
He was back in the potions room, staring at the floor in great concentration. Snape seemed to be somewhat happy. "Well," the greasy haired man drawled slowly, "I saw the effort. I'm impressed, though not nearly as unimpressed I am to see what you two have been doing this year!"
"That stuff's private!" Draco retorted.
"Clearly," Snape drawled, "Let me remind you that you are being exceedingly foolish, Draco."
"Does it look like I care?"
"Obviously not. So, it was you who put her in the hospital wing was it?"
"She was trying to heal me from the curse of 21 days!"
"What?" Snape spat, shocked, "Draco... Are you trying to tell me -"
"That when I went home that time last month the Dark Lord used that curse in me? Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. And Hermione managed to stop the bleeding for good! Besides, I know I'm not the only one in here, professor, who's liked a muggleborn!"
"And I wasn't foolish enough to go through with it!"
"Because you're a coward!"
"Silence! You will show me some respect!"
"I'll show you respect when you show Hermione some!"
"I'll show her the respect she deserves. You however, have got some nerve to think that I'm going to let you date her!"
"Why shouldn't I? Because you're prejudiced?"
"No, because I don't want you and her to be slaughtered! It's not only you I worry for, Draco. She doesn't deserve this!"
"Doesn't deserve me?"
"No! Doesn't deserve to die!"
There was a silence, broken only by the distant howl of the wind in the trees outside. Draco tried to think of something to say and ended up with, "I won't let that happen."
Snape nodded and sighed, "Next Monday, after dinner. You can go now, well done." Draco got up to leave, the bench scraping slightly along the stone slabs.
There was a long silence. Then, Draco asked quietly, "Professor, who was the girl? The one you liked. What happened to her?" There was another pause.
"She married and had a son, who she died protecting. Her name was Lilly Evans."
A/N so guys... I know all you guys knew that Snape had a thing for Lilly but I'm pretty sure Draco didn't. So I know there were definitely a few of you who said 'Draco should learn Occlumency', so that's going to happen but I know one of you suggested Hermione learning it too, which I'm not going to include. I'm so glad you all came up with the Occlumency idea though guys since it wasn't in my original plan and it just made the story a whole lot better. Anyway, enough talking from me. See you on a Tuesday, hopefully next, no later than the Tuesday after that.