A/N
This bit is the start of the third "work in progress" document I use to just write out the story as it goes. I wrote the first words in this at around chapter 17 or so. Naruto is in poor shape, Suna doesn't exist and Sasuke is dead. Everything has got a little bit messed up really.
I encourage you all to review as harshly as you feel you need to (it won't hurt my feelings because I can hopefully reply to you by PM and explain/agree) about the plot, writing style etc. Not so much spelling errors because no matter what I do there will be a few in there.
Otherwise I hope you all continue to enjoy reading this! Your happiness is my happiness in this.
The light on Shizune's desk was bathing the desk in artificial light as the first rays of dawn crept through the gap in her apartment curtains to join them.
She felt the light from both sides and squirmed slightly in her sleep as the first shreds of conscious thought crept into her head.
This was a bad pillow. Not a pillow. Paper. A report. Was reading. Had just to go the part where...
She pulled herself upright and saw a patch on the paper where her face had rested on the report overnight. She pulled herself out of her chair towards a bathroom.
A look in the mirror showed where the ink had partially transferred to her face. She washed it off quickly, which helped her wake up. The cold water splashed against her skin.
She slumped back to the report; the first book was to one side, finished off sometime the previous night. She realised she'd been so entranced by what it said she didn't remember much of it. Only that it had been gripping and terrifying.
Then again, re-reading it wasn't a problem for her. She had been enjoying this book. She knew the writer had soul and eloquence and serious problems.
Even this close in, she'd realised that Naruto was going to be damaged by his years in the dark. It had taken maybe seventy or so updates to realise that he would have some paranoia. His dreams too, they came up a lot as well. Her psychoanalysis was already complicating.
Her eyes lingered on the page she had just been reading.
'The darkness swallowed me as a moved through the 27th sub passage I have found from the 4th corridor. I was further from my bolt hole than I had ever been, the patrols conspiring to keep me away from it these hours.
I slipped into a corner as I heard the heavy tread of a patrol team stamp past me. My breathing is quiet, barely a whisper, hidden by the hum of the systems around me.
Although I write of things in the past, I feel it must be told in the present tense. Such tension will not come out clearly in the dulled picture of the past. It is the difference between colour and black and white to my mind. I must live once again in the moment to understand my thinking.
The footsteps faded and I dove into another doorway. The room is dark, but well maintained. This much is obvious, there are no water puddles, no drip of leaking pipes. I follow the passageway. Distance becomes troubling; I have taken so many steps. I turn and realise that I have not moved more than five metres.
There is light ahead. I am cautious of it. Light reveals secrets, but I am a secret that must remain hidden. The door that is visible radiates heat and light. It is clearly somewhere that I must avoid if I can.
There are voices within, hushed voices. I listen carefully and hear the rise and fall of blades, the sound of impact on hard surfaces. I hear the bubble of hot water, and my nostrils flare at the scent.
I have found the kitchens within the base. This is the day I can begin to truly unleash my plans.
I leap, clinging to the ceiling, using all my control to use as little chakra as possible to crawl into a dark corner of the ceiling. I barely heard the man coming down the corridor in time to avoid him. I feel my body pulling at the chakra, as I try to use as little as possible to hold myself up.
The man is half hidden in the dull light, and is only briefly illuminated as he enters the kitchen. There is a swish of white hair, and then his voice fills the kitchens, sneering at the men, demanding that they fulfil his requirements.
The noise gives me time to get back to the fourth corridor and on the route home. It will be hard from now on, but I have the first real weakness.
My journey back is unimpeded.
I am concerned that Shizune patrols are tighter you ok? You're late and we need your help at the hospital urgently! Shizune-sama?"
Sakura's voice. That was Sakura's voice. Not the report. She realised she'd got engrossed in the rough handwriting and drawn deeper into the story again. Never mind the odd tenses, she wanted to read more. Her tensed body relaxed a little.
She had risen on instinct by that time and opened the door. Sakura looked her in the eyes with concern.
"You don't look like you slept at all. Are you ok?"
Sakura placed a hand on her forehead which Shizune slapped away playfully.
"You may be a good medic-nin now Sakura, but don't get carried away. Tsunade-sama gave me an extra mission that requires a lot of reading. I guess I got carried away."
They began to head for the hospital, which wasn't far. That came from being on call nearly every hour of the year.
"I haven't seen you get this interested in reading since those books that came out some years ago."
Shizune saw Sakura's face droop a little as she recalled those years. It had been hard on the poor girl to lose both of her teammates, both of whom she had deep feelings for. Tsunade had broken her out of her fugue and set her to work, and she had blossomed. She was stronger now, so much stronger.
"Ah, there were excellent books; even you found solace in them."
"There was just something so familiar about them, like I knew the writer. Is what you're reading now as good?"
Shizune resisted the temptation to shout the word yes as loud as she could. Then again, it was the same author. This story was so much more substantial, so much more real than the others.
"It has its charms, but I still have a lot of reading to do. It's a mission as well, so I kinda lucked out."
Sakura sighed. They had entered the hospital at a gallop and were rapidly climbing the stairs.
"What's the emergency anyway?"
Sakura scowled.
"I don't know, apparently only yourself and Lady Tsunade are allowed to see the patient. Is this something to do with the alert last night?"
"You know I can't say Sakura, thanks for getting me. Back to work for you then!"
"Hai!"
Sakura set off back into the hospital corridors as Shizune tentatively knocked on the door. A slot in the door slid back to reveal the porcelain of an ANBU mask. An eye met hers through the narrow slits in the mask before the door opened.
She hurried in as the ANBU shut the door behind her.
Tsunade looked up from where her hands ran over the body on the bed, glowing green with the diagnostic jutsu was taking effect. The body was pale and emaciated, and was hooked up to a number of IV drips.
"Good of you to finally show up Shizune. Nice to know I can get up earlier than you when I have to."
"One to you, five hundred to me Tsunade-sama."
They laughed briefly before turning back to Naruto's prone form.
"How is he?"
"Malnourished, deficient in at least a dozen vital nutrients but otherwise uninjured. One of those drips has a large amount of sedative in it just because I think he'd try to escape if we gave him the chance."
"Really?"
"Well, he's an Uzumaki so he is naturally pretty tough, and he's a Junchuuriki. I'm actually not that surprised or worried by his physical condition. How is the report?"
"Captivating. His writing just makes he want to read more and more. I fell asleep reading it and got so engrossed when I woke up that I didn't hear Sakura calling for me for a few seconds."
"What does it tell you? Focus Shizune, don't forget it is a mission report, not a novel."
"Oh, of course. Apologies Tsunade-sama. I'm concerned for his mental state. He might have an extreme case of paranoia as well as issues caused by spending years practically alone."
"I thought as much. He's still human inside though. In fact, I think he's going to have grown more human."
"How?"
"He's known loneliness. He's probably known fear, even if he doesn't know what it was. His happiness has been so few and far between that he's probably treasured a handful of moments from his time. Hell, I'd hazard he even got bored at one stage."
Shizune realised quite how little of emotion he had known before the mission.
"Oh."
"Anyway, who do we apply to therapy? I can't, I have personal issues with the boy and a village to run. You can't," she raised a hand to silence the objections that Shizune was about to being saying, "because you're enmeshed in his report. We need someone who he will talk to, that he knows and trusts. Sakura probably isn't a good choice either because it looks like he killed her teammate."
"We could assign one of the Psychiatric department's specialists; maybe Juchi Yamanaka. He's done excellent work and his jutsu would provide us with important insights."
"Too invasive. Whilst Naruto would appreciate the pragmatism of having the stuff ripped clean out of his head there is too much sensitive information locked away in there. We need to draw it from him gently."
"So not Anko? She had a connection with him before he left, and I gather is urgently looking for him."
"Too blunt. I have an idea for someone who could though."
"Who?"
Tsunade smiled.
"Someone who needs someone to talk to like he does. However, I think I'll need to send him on missions as part of his therapy."
"What? That isn't responsible at all."
"On the contrary...you think he's going to stay quiet and compliant whilst he undergoes therapy?"
"Point taken."
The soft beeping of his own heart monitor was still too loud for Naruto. Then again, the sheets were soft enough, and he was comfortable.
He opened his real eye and viewed the room blearily.
He was in a hospital. That wasn't good. Then again, he was in a private room. He activated his Byakugan before deactivating it again quickly,
That had hurt a lot more than it needed to. He tried to sit up and only got halfway. That was odd.
He realised there were restraining straps on his chest and legs. Apparently he wasn't fully forgiven. That or his presence was urgently required here and here only.
He decided to wait.
Eventually, Shizune poked her head round the door and saw he was awake.
"Ah, good afternoon Naruto."
She walked into the room and picked up the clipboard at the end of his bed, flipping the charts a little before inspecting the beeping box next to him.
"Your vitals are fine, and we've been running IV drips to bring your nutrient balances into something that resembles healthy. It's a miracle you're not more injured, the Kyuubi has likely kept you alive, which is something I still find medically astounding given how little of the things chakra you must receive."
Naruto nodded.
"You've been asleep two days."
That explained why he felt somewhat rested and hungry.
"Would you like some food?"
"Food would be welcome."
Shizune nodded, and made a quick call via a communications phone on the wall.
"Anything else I can do for you?"
"Can you remove the restraints?"
Shizune chuckled.
"Lady Tsunade specifically requested that you be restrained to stop you over exerting yourself."
"Really?"
"Well, she actually said 'Keep the idiot in one place until I get to talk to him', but I interpreted it as you needing extra bed rest. Given your report, I mostly agree. What the hell were you thinking?"
"When?"
"Anywhere from days one to two hundred and twenty three, I haven't read the rest but I assume you keep going."
"I explain in my report."
"You don't explain why you do it all."
"It was my mission."
She sighed.
"Anyone else would have given up once...well I'm not allowed to say his name died."
That rang bells in Naruto's head.
"What was his name?"
"I'm not permitted to say. Lady Tsunade is the only one allowed to answer this, or someone she deems worthy."
"Why not?"
"It's her orders and my mission."
Despite seeing his own answer thrown back at him perfectly, he felt angry about this. He fought against the bindings.
Shizune placed a hand calmly on his shoulder.
"Trust me, I want to tell you. But Lady Tsunade has ordered me not to and I won't disobey her in this. Struggle too much and I'll have to bring an ANBU in to knock you out if necessary. Just...relax ok?"
He stopped fighting the strong straps.
The door buzzed, and Shizune answered the door. She dismissed the other nurse politely, and wheeled in the trolley.
The smell hit Naruto's nose and the sensations evoked exploded in his mind. It was like smelling everything for the first time.
He breathed in deeply and Shizune smiled at the human gesture.
"The Akimichi clan produces the best medical food in the world, without exception. Most patients will actually eat it without complaining, which is more than can be said for the usual rubbish we serve. It's also got a larger than usual boost of proteins and nutrients."
She raised a spoon and smiled an embarrassed smile.
"Sadly, we've restrained your hands, so, um. Open wide."
He opened his mouth and the spoon with the food was inserted. Never mind the texture, it was warm. He tried to remember the last time he'd had a warm meal in peace. He couldn't help but notice Shizune was blushing a bit.
"Are you ok?"
He blurted between mouthfuls of the food.
She blushed a bit more.
"Yes, but this is a little unusual. We don't have to strap patients down that often who are your kind of insane. Most of them are raving psychotics who don't think too much."
Naruto nodded through a mouthful of the food.
"You're actually sane and nice, so this is a bit weird for us both."
"It is certainly unusual. I'm not complaining about the food, hot food was not readily available."
"I thought that you were planning to infiltrate the kitchens?"
"I did, but the chefs don't eat well."
Her movements paused for a moment.
"How in the hell not? Excuse my language."
"Your language?"
"I used a word I don't usually, 'hell' is a word I consider rude."
"Why? It's just a word."
"It's unimportant. How did the chefs not eat well?"
She fed him another spoonful, he gulped it down, feeling his stomach accept the food willingly.
"The way it was run was intended to keep them suppressed. I'm guessing poor eating would assist in quashing fighting spirit."
"It certainly would. I'm guessing that bastard Kabuto was around then?"
"Yes. He was the day to day manager of sorts, he ordered the chefs around. Very precise, I worried he would find me out."
She shrugged and helped another spoonful of the food into his mouth.
"You do realise that if you had been in there too much longer that your body would have stopped working properly?"
"Yes. Fitch told me. His clan can sense wellbeing like most animals can."
"Still, you managed your mission. If it wasn't for the start then..."
"I...please do not mention the start Shizune-san."
"Oh."
Genuine emotion! That was good. That was very good. She fed him the last spoonful of the meal and he swallowed it happily.
"How does that feel?"
"Good."
"Only good?"
"It's a high good; it is the most satisfying meal I have ever eaten. Although I suspect satisfaction is based relative to past experiences, with more recent ones more heavily weighted towards..."
She had things to read and cut him off before she was caught in more logic.
"Good. Now, rest some more until Tsunade-sama comes to visit you. I'm afraid I'll have to leave someone in the room with you just to make sure."
He mentally crossed that method of escape off the list. Shizune left and the ANBU entered in her place.
"Ah, Talon."
He thought the man was probably smiling behind the mask.
"Lion. How are you? Not tied up at all?"
"I quite plainly am."
He laughed.
"Always the straight man. I would be if I'd just been tied up and spoon fed by Shizune though. Know what I mean?"
He didn't.
"No."
"Oh come on, it has to be hard not to be."
His word emphasis was very odd.
"Hard to be what? Your sentences are odd."
"How long is it going to take you?"
"Until what?"
Talon sighed and leant down next to him.
"Look, if that had happened to me I'd be standing to attention alright?"
Naruto's brain tried to tie together the words emphasised and fought to work it out. He had something, but it didn't make sense. Then again it never did.
"Are you talking about reproductive intercourse?"
Talon fell over backwards and just sat on his rear end for a second. Then he clapped his hands together a few times.
"Finally. She's a pretty lady Naruto, a very pretty lady. Even you must notice that."
"Even though I find her aesthetically pleasing, I do not wish to have children with Shizune-san, and I doubt she would consent if I asked."
"Seriously?"
"Yes. Why? Do you know otherwise?"
Talon turned away and breathed deeply for a moment.
"You know what, ask Anko. Actually don't. Well do, but do so from behind a thick sheet of glass ok? She's a very practical person."
Naruto remembered this.
"So, you went three years in the bastard snake's base straight. Three. Fucking. Years. How the hell are you alive?"
"I hid and enacted my plan."
"How did you evade the guards?"
"They were predictable and slow. They never really saw me at all. They thought I was there, and they patrolled near to me, but they never found me until the end."
"They found you and you're still alive?"
"I switched with a shadow clone and left."
"Surely the clone died instantly?"
"It did not. They wanted me to die slowly."
"You..."
"I do not wish to speak of it."
It was too late, and he felt pain from phantom wounds on his own body. His side burnt. He twisted to try and keep it off the mattress.
Talon stood up and watched him tensely.
"Should I call someone?"
"The pain is all mental."
It was physical as well, but there was no need to mention it. He would lie as long as he could.
"A Yamanaka then?"
"No. I have endured worse, I can endure my ghosts."
The pain faded as he fought it. After all, he only remembered so far into the process. Then he realised why.
He sank back onto the bed and crashed into unconscious sleep as the weight of memory fell upon him.