His back slammed bolt upright as cold sweat covered his body. He had been dreaming again. It wasn't as bad as it could be but it still scared him a little when it happened.
In the half awake haze he couldn't remember what it had been about. His soft panting drowned out his thoughts as his heart pounded a little in his chest, gently calming down as his mind got his body to concentrate.
Naruto felt his throat burn a little from dryness and rotated away from the warmth and comfort that the covers provided him.
He really did enjoy having a more regular schedule in some ways, and yet. Yet he knew it couldn't last.
He'd known ever since his proclamation to Tsunade about Root.
Some half memory of the dream slipped back into his head as he turned the tap and placed a bowl under the cold stream of water.
There had been people...then they had faded and then...
The thump of fist on door shook him from his reverie. He drank deeply from the bowl, moved silently to grab the tanto blade from its resting place, silently drew the blade and flicked the door catches open.
The door squealed open slowly. His grip tightened a little more. He could see who it was and he relaxed, dropping out of the shadows of the ceiling.
It was Anko. That was surprising.
"Anko-chan?"
"Darkie-kun! We need to talk!"
She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. Naruto forced himself into a more focused state of awareness. He wondered if it was normal he could fight, plan and ambush whilst half asleep but a conversation required more thought.
"What do we need to talk about?"
"Everything! Girls! The weather! You wanting to disappear for fucking ever to join some sort of ultra black ops ANBU or whatever crap that is!"
Ah. Tsunade had been talking to people. He should have expected this.
"Which do you want to start with?"
He caught a light, stinging blow across the face followed up by a strong hug which he tried to return with one arm pinned to his side.
"Which do you think you adorable blond idiot? About you joining this thing."
"Tsunade told you didn't she?"
"Yes. She didn't elaborate too much on what you were doing but only that it would make you even scarcer. You're pretty ghostly to begin with so I think I just wouldn't see you again."
"Oh."
She sat down on his sofa and dragged him down next to him, ruffling his short hair with one hand.
"I've missed seeing you as much. You are like a little brother to me, and you have the potential to be the best in so many ways. You poisoned Sasuke in Orochimaru's base. That was ridiculous!"
"It needed to be done."
She sighed and hugged him close.
"You don't even want to brag or take the plaudits you deserve. I really want more time knowing you because you change people."
"I don't understand. Most people I change by shooting them."
Anko sighed again.
"Look, when we came back from that mission where Itachi did me in. Remember when we were all sitting there licking our wounds and nobody wanted to talk. Then what did you do?"
"I talked with Shino and laughed at the irony of his words."
"Exactly, you lifted everyone with just being you."
He shook his head.
"No, Shino was the one who started that conversation. He was the one to lift us all."
Anko gave him a squeeze in the dark room.
"You know the reputation the Aburame clan has? To get one to approach and engage in conversation willingly?"
"I am aware they are not outwardly going but Shino is a friend."
"To describe an Aburame as a friend and to have it reciprocated by one is rare. Few manage it. That's not the only life you've changed."
He considered.
"I damaged lives when I got sent after Sasuke. I could have done better for several others but I didn't and failed. I ended up hurting sensei and students of my own age. Shikamaru, Sakura, Hinata, Baka. All never the same."
"You do not need to suffer any guilt over those changes. We are shinobi; we accept the consequences of our work. You did well. As for Hinata...well you did not do her any lasting harm."
"I did."
She gave him another tight squeeze.
"Then you repaired it. I've read the reports and I've heard enough whispers to know that she is better as a person than before. You make people better even if you don't mean to. You made me a better person."
"How?"
"You made me care about people again. With my curse gone I can care about people again. I want to care again. Also the orphanages are much better funded. That's probably a hundred or more lives a year you've helped."
"I am glad for you."
She turned to look at him in the very dim light.
"I don't want you to be glad for me I want you to be glad with me. I want to see you grow up and find a lovely girl and have a great life because you're like a little brother to me."
She ruffled his short hair.
"If you grew that out it would look awesome by the way."
Naruto thought for a moment about a life he could have.
He saw himself walking down the street and talking to more people, with longer hair. He saw himself eating ramen with Shikamaru and Shino, training with Kiba and Hinata and maybe Tenten. Having times like these with Anko and Talon and...
It felt like something that wouldn't work somehow. Something about the vision felt false and stilted, and alien.
"I...don't know if that would work."
"It can! You could make it work. If you found the right girl to support and care for you more. Ever thought of love?"
"Love?"
"Love."
He hadn't. Love was a concept he didn't understand or had really contemplated.
"What is love?"
Anko shook her head.
"I'd say look it up in a dictionary but that wouldn't do it. It's a feeling of attachment that goes beyond understanding. I guess it's illogical to you, but when you really love something you give your life for it regardless of what happens."
He considered. There wasn't a person as such he was willing to do that for.
There were things certainly. He had done it for Team 8. He had done it for Konoha on countless occasions. That was dry duty though. Not an emotional decision.
"I don't know it."
She gave him a friendly cuddle. She was warm, which wasn't a bad thing. It was certainly more comfortable than he anticipated it being.
"You will, or you already do and don't know about it. Speaking of Hinata...what is happening there?"
"I am leader of her team, and we recently finished a mission to unlock my sealed memories."
Although they were close to each other, her arms holding him close enough that she couldn't make eye contact; he could feel her gaze on him.
"You are definitely more than that."
"She is possibly my closest friend as well."
"Friend or friend?"
He knew that tone of voice. Talon had used it before to imply something similar.
"I am not engaged in sexual relations with her."
Anko laughed a little.
"Nonono, I didn't expect that just yet. I meant that you two are closer than just friends from what I've heard. Tsunade told me about what happened when your seal broke. Something, by the way, you didn't tell me about properly! What the hell Darkie-kun?"
She felt his face burn a little. It was true he should have gone to Anko but the whole situation with the seal was a list of things he had to learn from.
"I...did not act optimally with regard to that situation. I have learned since."
"We'll see. But I was told what happened. She stayed by you all night and would not leave your side."
"That was part of her mission."
The feeling on his face intensified a little and he realised it was embarrassment. How much would he give for Hinata again?
"Really? Once you'd finished the report and crashed she could have gone to sleep. Or gone to Shizune or Tsunade to talk through what just happened. She refused to leave your side, defied the Hokage to her face and as good as dammit locked herself in with you. Was that part of the mission?"
"That...was the care of a friend."
"No. A friend makes sure you're ok the next morning after resting. A friend does not go in and stay there all night denying everyone else access."
"She denied everyone else access?"
"Yep."
He felt his face burn a little bit more. He was glad of the darkness.
"I did not know that. That seemed excessive."
"Have you talked to her since?"
"Only as part of our teams training."
She sighed. Of course. A professional.
"Would you consider spending more time with her outside of training and missions a bad thing?"
He considered it.
"No, but the same could be applied to a lot of people, yourself included Anko-chan."
She ruffled his head again.
"Mm, soft hair. I may steal your shampoo just to see what you use. But compared to everyone else, who would you want to spend time with?"
He considered. Shino would be good conversation, Anko was close to him. Hinata...
His vision from earlier shifted and refocused in his mind. There he was walking down the street with Hinata. Seeing her face happy and smiling and...
It was a pleasant vision. Very pleasant. A pair of fingers snapped in front of his face.
"Thinking about that future eh? Which part of it? Nothing you can't tell the lovely and understanding Anko-chan."
"I... was walking with her and she was smiling."
She let out a sigh.
"Oh you romantic. You're a romantic at heart! That is...just fantastically ridiculous. You're a romantic and you don't even know it or have anyone to be romantic towards. Most guys would be thinking about the sex."
That hadn't crossed his mind. It instead found a vast gulf of knowledge he only knew the theory of which couldn't really be applied without practical application to really understand it. He remembered Talon's warning about asking Anko about it. He decided to use caution."
"I'm not most guys."
She laughed again.
"I'm sure you'll understand soon enough Darkie-kun. Just consider asking if Hinata wants to get some food with you or something similar."
"I think you have the wrong idea Anko-chan."
Well he mostly did at least. She had planted a seed of doubt in his head.
"Of course. But with all that in mind, do you really want to give up that future to join this ANBU thing? I mean yes, you could leave it after a few years or something if you don't die but you'd miss out on those chances. How would you feel if someone else made Hinata smile like that?"
He considered it. 99.9% of him felt that was a good thing. Hinata was happy. There was that tiny little part of him, that emotive spark that raised a hand against it. Out of interest, he followed its thought line down a bit further and found it illogical and annoying.
Yet despite that he couldn't dismiss it entirely.
"It is mostly a good thing."
"Mostly?"
"A part of me objects to the idea."
"See? That's what I'm talking about. You need to be there, you want to be there. This ANBU thing would get in the way of a better, brighter future for you! You could go on missions, write the reports up and make more money than any normal ninja. Hell, you could retire and write books for a living if it wouldn't bore you to death."
"Write books?"
"Your own stories, fictional ones. About whatever you wanted it to be. A story that would bring the unbelievable to life like your reports do sometimes. Stories that leave people fulfilled and joyous and inspired. Maybe some that would show people new ways of doing things and ideas they find amazing."
He considered the possibility. Certainly not risking his life would be a plus, but she was right. He wouldn't be able to stay patient that long. Even he had his limits.
"It would be too boring. I am good at waiting but not that good."
He yawned widely. Sleep did seem tempting right now but Anko was there.
"Did I wake you when I came in?"
"No, I was up getting water after I woke from a bad dream."
"Bad dream?"
"The memories the seal unlocked were...unpleasant. I suspect they won't make the story as part of an extra chapter."
Anko rubbed the back of her head.
"Not exactly...it got released as part of a gold edition. Of which Tsunade used a modified signature of yours to sign the copy the Daimyo got in advance."
Naruto had wondered why another book had appeared without him writing another report. The Daimyo read it?
He found comprehending this turn of events a confusing thing to do and chalked it to the growing list of things people did he didn't understand.
"Was it that bad though? The abyss you described. I mean, you don't fear the darkness. We're in it right now and you wear it like your cloak. What was so bad about that darkness?"
He remembered and shivered. She felt it and hugged him closer to herself. Her warmth met the cold he felt from the memories and melted it away. He was safe here. There was nothing to hurt him and he was alive.
"It wasn't darkness. Look at the darkness we're in now. It has shades of black and grey and green and blue that merges and mingles and dances. It's something I like to look at sometimes."
He paused as Anko held a finger to his lips and waited for a good minute or two.
"I...see what you mean. It's not black it's many shades of grey and other colours."
"Ok. The place I saw was not dark. It was not black it was without colour or shades of change. It was nothingness."
"That doesn't seem so bad."
"Try experiencing it. It is like everything you are tries to spread out to fill the nothingness but there's too much of it and you feel that at any moment there won't be a you left and there will still be nothingness."
She squeezed him closer.
"How are you coping with it?"
"By knowing I am alive every second. Every sense tells me I live."
He hugged back and a comfortable silence fell. It was warm and soft and nice to be near. The silence filled him. It was its own noise and pressure and being.
It was pleasant.
He found himself slipping off and Anko gently rubbed his head. He drooped his head onto her shoulder and she held him gently.
"Sweet dreams Darkie-kun."
She gently whispered to him just before his mind shut down enough to sleep.
Warm, comfortable sleep.
A/N: This seems like a good time to chuck down an author's note. Thanks to all your reviewing people, followers and favouriters! Keep doing what you're doing and I'll keep doing this. Hope you all continue to enjoy all this story and how it winds towards its conclusion!