Once Upon a Hogwarts - Chapter Three
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, because if I did, I'd writing the seventh book and an autobiography called How to Get Filthy Rich on Fiction.
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"Ron, did you ask Lavender yet?" Hermione asked Ron as they went down to the Great Hall with Harry after Divination and Arithmancy (Hermione was still convinced Professor Trelawny was a fake and a delusional loon).
"I'm going to," Ron answered breezily.
"You better hurry, mate. I heard Seamus wants to ask her," Harry remarked.
"Seamus?" Ron scoffed with an air of superiority. "Seamus has got nothing on me!"
"He's going to do it tonight in the Gryffindor Common Room, with flowers and champagne," Harry said flatly. Ron's smirk vanished.
"Oh, right, I forgot he finally got that spell about rum to succeed," Hermione said. "And just in time, too! It's been, what, six years?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, Seamus might not be very bright in the head about academics, but I have to tell you, his spells sure do have flair."
Hermione scoffed. "Flair? Seamus is a genius! Turning water into rum is just two hops and a shake away from turning water into gold!"
Ron and Harry stopped dead in their tracks at this comment.
"Well, it's a good thing he's stupid then, he's never going to realize the importance of his spell," Ron said. "And also because he's stupid, he's going to lose Lavender to me," he finished truimphantly, smirking.
"Technically, Lavender was never his, so he can't lose her to you," Hermione said matter-of-factly. Ron glared at her.
"For once, Hermione, I don't need the technicalities!"
"Now, children," Harry interrupted before things blew up, "you must remember that as seventeen-year-old wizards, we are adults. We must act our age. Especially you, Ron," he said meaningfully.
Ron threw his hands up in exasperation. "Why's it always me? Come on, Hermione's an adult in the Muggle world, so she's twice an adult!"
"That doesn't make sense," Hermione started to say, but then stopped after thinking. "Ron, I'm not eighteen yet. Today's the 12th."
"Hermione's birthday is on the 19th, Ron," Harry said.
Ron looked mildly surprised. "Really? Well...that's that."
As they reached the doors of the Great Hall, Hermione scowled. "Ron, you weren't going to give me a present, were you?"
Ron's hand, which had been reaching towards the doorknob, froze immediately. "Er...I was going to give you a birthday hug?"
Hermione crossed her arms. "We stopped doing birthday hugs years ago."
Harry sensed another argument coming. "Speaking of birthday hugs, there's steak! Ron, let's go and eat it before all those meat-hungry fourth years gobble it all up!"
Hermione was left standing in a cloud of dust as Harry and Ron sprinted off, placing themselves strategically between Neville and Dean Thomas.
"Boys," she muttered angrily.
"Granger, would you mind moving it?" a familiar drawling voice came from behind her. "Just in case you didn't notice, some of us are trying to get in and eat, a concept even you would be familiar with."
Hermione slowly turned around and plastered a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. "Why, hello, Malfoy. I didn't see you there. Perhaps it was due to you being of such small size, considering that you're a ferret."
"Shut up," he snapped.
"Oh dear, I'm afraid your comebacks are getting stupider and stupider, Malfoy. The best I heard was way back in third year."
"I said, shut up. Don't make me say it a third time, because when I have to repeat myself twice, bad things happen. Now, I must be going. It hasn't been a pleasure seeing you, I'm sure. Now, if I were a very polite and nice person, I'd bid you goodbye. But since I'm not, sod off, Granger," Malfoy snarled, and left.
"Now, if I were a very polite and nice person, I'd bid you goodbye,"Hermione mimicked as she sat down huffily next to Lavender and reached for the platter of orange chicken. "Who does that prat think he is, Queen Elizabeth?" she scoffed, laughing inwardly at the thought of Draco Malfoy wearing a long, ceremonial gown with a crown perched gaily on top of his hair.
Hermione's blissful eating was interrupted when Mandy Brocklehurst burst into the Great Hall with a neon green head, screeching,
"BLAISE ZABINI! YOU ARE BEYOND DECEASED, YOU LITTLE-"
Everyone covered their ears or turned red at what Mandy said next. One first year even fainted.
"Ten points from Ravenclaw for the use of profanities!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.
"Oho, but twenty points to Ravenclaw for the creative and very cool usage of swear words!" Professor Jocular shouted enthusiastically. The Slytherins looked positively furious. Blaise Zabini, however, kept his cool and swaggered up to Mandy.
"Oh, my! Whatever happened to your hair, dear, dear, Mandy?" Blaise asked innocently.
"Don't play innocent with me, Zabini! Turn my hair back to its natural color, NOW!" Mandy started pulling and yanking at her highlighter green colored head.
"What makes you think that I did it?" Blaise asked, looking angelic and placing his hand over his heart, faking injury.
Everyone, including the professors and Slytherins, snorted.
"That is your answer," Mandy snarled, her eyes darkening dangerously. "Now turn it back!"
"No," Blaise replied, crossing his arms over his chest nonchalantly and sitting down casually on top of the Ravenclaw table, somehow managing to avoid the chicken, steak, mashed potatoes, beans, and carrots that were in his way. "I like you better this way."
Mandy was temporarily surprised. "I wasn't aware that you liked me at all."
"Well, I do," said Blaise shrugging. "Your normal blond hair is just so……bright."
A few Gryffindors (i. e. the entire House) cleared their throats loudly simultaneously and turned to look at Malfoy.
"What are you lot all staring at? I know I'm hot, but you don't have to come onto me here," smirked Malfoy, the living, walking, talking, smirking, pratting mass of bright white-blond hair. "Besides, this is between Blaise and Brocklehurst."
"Zabini," Mandy was saying, "if you're not going to take this charm off, then you're going to have to suffer the consequences." She pulled out her wand.
Blaise's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Bring it on, bitch," he snarled, whipping his wand out dramatically. The whole of the Great Hall gasped.
Two jets of white light filled the Great Hall at the same time. Surprisingly enough, it seemed Blaise and Mandy had used the same spell.
"Noooooo!" Blaise wailed, clutching the area where his you-know-what had been. "You evil little witch!"
Meanwhile, Mandy was clutching her chest, which was now suspiciously flat, rocking silently back and forth, eyes out of focus. The Great Hall gasped again in horror as she tottered to the left and crashed straight into the Slytherin table.
After Pansy Parkinson kindly helped her friend up, Mandy aimed her wand at the still-angsting Blaise. Suddenly he was all covered with tiny little dancing bunnies, each singing, "Happy, happy days! Out in the sunshine! Playing with bunnies and birds! We're going to have a real good time!" which sounded cute at first, but then turned to sheer horror and annoyance.
"Ha!" Mandy smirked. "My breasts are gone, but so is little Blaisie. And I get the last laugh. Literally," she added, before looking down at her own missing assets, her mood changing instantly. Stifling a sob, she passed out cold on the stone floor. Professor Flitwick charmed two stretchers to take Mandy and Blaise to the Hospital Wing and the two mentally damaged teenagers plus teacher trooped out of the Great Hall .
Ginny Weasley laughed loudly, breaking the silence that had ensued. Chatter broke out and dinner resumed.
Ginny started piling a plate with a huge mound of food, diving into it spectacularly a moment later. After thoroughly diminishing half of the plate in two minutes, she swallowed thickly, turned to Hermione, and said, "So…Harry told me what happened in Potions. How was the first day with the ferret?"
Hermione grinned inwardly. "Well, actually, it wasn't too bad. He's pretty good at Potions now. I suppose Daddy dearest must have made him study his arse off during the summer to try and attempt to beat me at something other than Quidditch, which is illogical since I don't even play. He's still as annoying as before, though," Hermione frowned. "That's definitely a minus."
"Maybe you could try earmuffs," smiled Ginny.
"Even the earmuffs wouldn't be able to block out his annoying ferret voice," grinned Hermione, glancing at the Slytherin table surreptitiously.
Before Ginny could reply however, the desserts appeared on the table and Hermione and Ginny both squealed in delight when they saw a huge plate of chocolate raspberry éclairs in front of them. On Hermione's right, Harry and Ron were shoving down treacle tart and chocolate gateau.
"Ah…look at them," Ginny sighed. "Is food all they think about?"
Hermione looked at her strangely. "Ginny, you're aware that you eat only a little bit better than them."
Ginny blushed. "Well, excuse me for growing up with Ron!"
"Good thing you didn't grow up completely like Ron," Hermione added with a smile on her face.
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When Hermione rolled out of bed the next morning, she screamed. The entire dormitory was covered in Stinksap, dripping neon green and yellow goo, fake spiderwebs, and most disturbing of all, miniature dinosaurs dancing to "Barney."
Lavender and Parvati woke up. And shrieked half their heads off.
Hermione could faintly hear other shrieks and screams coming from all directions. Who could have done this? She pondered. Who?
Then it hit her.
"BLAISE ZABINI!" The three girls cried out simultaneously.
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"How is it possible to run out of water? I mean, it's Hogwarts! Water is supposed to be unlimited!" Hermione was muttering to herself as she came down to the Great Hall for breakfast.
"Hi, Hermione!" Ron called out. "See what happened this morning?"
"It's utterly impossible not to notice what happened," Hermione replied huffily. "I suppose you two had a nice, hot shower?"
"Yeah, we did!" Harry joined in. "Didn't you?"
Hermione turned away. Steam was practically coming out of her ears. "NO!" she yelled loudly at Ron and Harry before turning away again and pulling a plate of scrambled eggs towards her rather ferociously.
"Wow, what's up with her? I mean, not taking a shower every day might be emotionally scarring to some people, but Hermione's not that kind of girl," whispered Ron.
"I know," agreed Harry. "Maybe it's that time of the month again."
"You're probably right," Ron whispered back. "We should leave her alone for the rest of the day."
After breakfast came Transfiguration, where Professor Jocular, who replaced McGonagall as the Tranfiguration teacher, taught them to finally change an object into another object. By the end of the class, Harry's book had turned into a crinkled piece of paper with chapter numbers and titles on it, Ron's key had turned into a surprisingly accurately shaped doorknob, but unfortunately the doorknob was actually onthe key. Hermione, however, managed to change her chessboard into a tablecloth, with no checks on it. Jocular awarded Gryffindor twenty points.
After Transfiguration, they all split up. Hermione had a double period of Ancient Runes next and Harry and Ron were headed off to the Gryffindor Common Room, to relax since they had a free period and then Divination. The three would meet up in Potions.
Gryffindor was awarded another twenty points when Hermione answered four questions correct in Ancient Runes. The only bad part about the morning, Hermione thought as she headed to the dungeons to Potions, was that she had to sit next to Zabini. Hermione hadn't exactly forgotten the morning's incident. However, Hermione was perfectly content to wait until Potions to have Mandy bash him and invoke her revenge.
Professor Slughorn waved a cheery hello to Harry, Ron, and Hermione as they took their assigned seats. Mandy walked in and immediately blanched when she realized that she would have to sit next to Blaise Zabini. Blaise, who was walking behind her, crashed into her when she stopped suddenly, almost as if she had sensed his presence.
As people started filing in after them, Blaise pulled Mandy into a small corner. "Like my prank this morning?" he smiled winningly.
"I have to say that I did," Mandy confessed. "You must have had to do a lot of complicated spells to get it to include all those dinosaurs and spread it around the whole school."
Blaise looked smug. "Well, I am one of the best in the school," he touted proudly.
"You're after me," Mandy replied, smirking and walking away with a Slytherin-ish swish of her robes.
Blaise frowned. There was something special about this girl that he couldn't put his finger on. Something different…
"Perhaps it's love," Daphne Greengrass cooed mockingly as she passed by Blaise. Blaise stared after her in shock, then recovered after a moment. Ah well, Daphne's crazy as a bat, anyway, he thought.
"Since only Mr. Potter and his partner completed the most complicated potion, Amortentia, yesterday, today we will be brewing a more simpler potion: Veritaserum," Professor Slughorn announced giddily.
The class groaned. How was Veritaserum supposed to be easier than Amortentia? If anything, it was probably harder!
Hermione silently fumed in her seat next to Malfoy. She was going to kill Harry later! Everyone knew that Snape was very accomplished at brewing Veritaserum and since he had Snape's old book, Harry was bound to have the best potion, again!
"Something wrong, Granger?" Malfoy whispered. "Angry that Potter will beat you again?"
"Yes," Hermione replied from between clenched teeth.
"Ingredients and instructions are on the board," Professor Slughorn was saying. "Start!"
Daphne immediately slid over to Malfoy. "Hi, Draco," she purred into his ear, while Hermione looked away and tried the push away the burning sensation in her chest. Old feelings were coming back to her...or had they never disappeared? Hermione shook the thought away with a shrug.
"I'll go get the ingredients. Malfoy, you start heating the cauldron," Hermione mumbled as she stood very quickly and almost ran to the storage cupboard.
"Don't you have to help Potter?" Malfoy asked Daphne.
"Nope, he can do the potion all by himself. He made the potion yesterday all by himself anyways," Daphne replied, stroking Malfoy's hair. Malfoy frowned. Something was wrong with that sentence. Even a very talented potioneer couldn't possibly make Amortentia that fast. Something was definitely wrong here…
"Okay, I brought back the ingredients," Hermione said as she came back three minutes later with asphodel root, Shiitake mushrooms, a few branches of willow, beechwood, and ivy, some roots, crushed unicorn horn, some strands of unicorn hair, a vial of unicorn blood, and if not mistaken, unicorn skin. She noted happily that Daphne was getting a lecture from Slughorn. It seemed that he didn't like people visiting their friends during class.
Malfoy looked up from bending over the cauldron. "What's with the unicorn memorabilia?"
"Unicorns are supposed to symbolize purity, Malfoy, and I would like to think a love potion requires pure essences," Hermione replied scathingly.
Malfoy glared at her. "I know that unicorns are pure and all, I was merely posing a curious inquiry."
"You would know since you're such a pure-blooded fanatic and all, Malfoy."
Malfoy smirked. "That's right, Granger. "Acknowledge the fact, and soon you'll begin to accept that you're inferior to me."
"Right……" Hermione drawled out sarcastically. "As soon as pigs come flying out of windows."
As if on cue, a pig came flying out from the window above them. A moment later, another pig joined the first pig on the ground. Since Malfoy and Hermione were the closest to the window, they both saw this.
A cry of, "SORRY! WAND MALFUNCTION!" from upstairs snapped Hermione and Malfoy from the shocked trance they were in.
"That………was bloody scary," Malfoy whispered, turning around and still looking dazed.
Hermione nodded. "What were the odds of that happening?"
"A million to one," Malfoy jumped in quickly. They continued to stare at each other before they came to their senses and realized that they had actually agreed on something and were now staring at each other.
"The potion!" Hermione cried, making Lisa Turpin at the next table over spill some of the unicorn blood she was pouring in. Hermione earned nasty looks from Lisa and her partner for that.
"We haven't even started at all!" Hermione whispered after laughing nervously at the angry looks on Lisa and Orla's faces. "I'm going to fail!"
"Correction Granger, we're going to fail."
"I don't care, Malfoy! My grades are more important than yours!" Hermione snapped. "Now get the potion started!"
Smirking slightly, Malfoy started the potion. Looks like Granger's showed her claws today, he thought with a mental smirk. I say, I like her better like this.
He immediately stopped stirring the potion and shook his head hard. Where did that thought come from?
"What are you doing!" Hermione screeched. "You – cannot – stop – at – a – time – like – this!" Each word was punctuated with a sharp slap to Malfoy's arm.
"Now, now, Miss Granger," Slughorn said reassuringly. "There's no need to get angry. You have plenty of time to finish – oh. Well, in this case...best of luck to the both of you!"
Yes, Malfoy thought after Hermione had shrank slightly into her seat with shame and embarrassment. The claws were definitely an improvement.
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A/N - I'm trying to cut down on these, so the only thing I'm going to say in this is
Chapters 1, 2, and 3 have been edited for the last time on 8/23/07
and
Answers to those wonderful, wonderful, wonderful reviews!
White-Pink-Fluffy-Strawberriez – Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing the paragraph on the "paybacks". I made up a whole list of the paybacks, but only got to using about half of them!
Dramioneshipper – Thank you! Yeah, I thought the whole Snape Malfoy kill Dumbledore thing might have been a tad hard to understand, so I put it as a question in this chapter. Hmm…about the Ball. Well, you guys will just have to wait to see! But if you remember what happened at the last ball, you might get an idea of what happens. But don't brood on it! I might change my mind about that layout and make Hermione get tragically slashed by a rogue hippogriff while Draco sobs pathetically at her side at the Ball. Anyways, DOUBLE KISS, Marine!
kriss – Hmm…I'll have to think about the catfight. Though I was leaning more along the lines of an inkfight and quillfight or a silent fight in the library using books…. But I suppose those two are catfights in itself, though.
Roxy Did What – Thanks, I'm glad you think I'm funny! (Hugs Blaise and Mandy.) Like I said above, I would be practically nothing without the antics of Blaise Zabiniand Mandy Brocklehurst.
Candi – Well, since I'm answering your review in a chapter, I guess I'm updating! Anyways, thanks for your review and a big thank you for the writing comment. I'm getting better at writing. If you check out Crossing the Line, you'll see that my earlier chapters weren't as good as these chapters. YEAH, another step to becoming a journalist!
Additional thanks to devil'lil', dragoneyes5000, and frankie girl!
Don't forget to review!
- Lily in a Pond